mindfulness-based emotional day 2 - siylishift to connection. practices 1 jlm & offering...

Mindfulness-based Emotional Intelligence for Leaders

DAY 2

• One insight you took away from day 1

• How did the homework go? What did you notice?

In Pairs – Free Flow

PerformanceLeadershipWellbeing

EIMindfulness

Neuroscience

Self-awareness

Self-management

Motivation

Empathy

Leadership

Roadmap

MOTIVATION

Discover

• A talks and B practices Generous Listening (bell)

• Switch roles (bell)

• Free-flow conversation

• What is your motivation for coming to work each day?

AlignmentEnvisioning

Resilience

Envisioning

Resilience

Alignment

Pleasant lifeLife of engagementMeaningful life

Dr. Martin Seligman

(hig

h)(lo

w)

CH

ALL

ENG

ES

(low) SKILLS (high)

AnxietyANXIETY

BOREDOM

FLOW CHANNEL

decr

ease

cha

lleng

e

incr

easi

ng c

halle

nge

increasing skills

increasing skills

Self-Awareness

Mindfulness

Alignment

Values

Journaling

• Choose 3 people you admire

• For each person, write what traits you admire, and in what situations they displayed these traits

Journaling

• Review what you wrote

• Create a list of 5 core values that you hold

In Pairs – Generous Listening

• What are your top values?

• How do these values show up in your life?

Comments

Envisioning

Resilience

Alignment

“In a sense, we learn from the past what to predict for the future and then live the future we expect.”

Regina Pally, The Predicting Brain

Journaling

What’s your best possible future?

If everything in my life, starting today, meets or exceeds my most optimistic expectations, what will my life be like in 5 years?

• Who are you and what are you doing?

• How do you feel?

• How are your relationships with others?

Discovering An Ideal Future

• A talks, B and C listen (bell) • Switch roles 2x (bell) • Free-flow conversation

• Share about what you wrote• Share about the process of

writing• Or, anything else

Comments

1 Touch chair fabric

2 Remember highest intention

Micropractice:Hands On Chair

Practices

1

2 Hands on Chair

Journal: values, envisioning

Envisioning

Resilience

Alignment

“An ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change.”

Merriam-Webster

Resilience in 3 steps Inner

Calm

Emotional Resilience

Cognitive Resilience

Explanatory Style

Explanatory Style PessimistOptimist

(1) Become aware of negativity bias(2) Mindfulness(3) Transformation

Cultivating Optimism

Resilience

Comments

EIMindfulness

Neuroscience

Self-awareness

Self-management

Motivation

Empathy

Leadership

• Let your values motivate you

• Intrinsic Motivators: Pleasant Life, Good Life, Meaningful Life

• Expectations predict outcome

• Resilience from equanimity and optimistic explanatory style

Key Points

EMPATHY

(a) The ability to experience and understand what others feel

(b) while maintaining a clear discernment about your own and the other person’s feelings and perspectives.

Thompson, 2001, J Consc Stud 8, 1–32

l Psychologizing

l Agreeing with people

Daniel Goleman, Working with Emotional Intelligence

What Empathy is NOT

Decety & Lamm, 2006, The Scientific World Journal

Self-awareness Empathy

Empathy affected by:• Perceived fairness• Perceived “in group”

or “out group”

Foundational Empathy Practices

• Seeing similarities

• Offering kindness

Just Like Me& Kindness

Comments

1 Settle the Mind

2

Offer Kindness3

See a similarity

Micropractice:Shift to Connection

Practices

1 JLM & Offering Kindness

2 Shift to Connection

Comments

Mindful Walking

Comments

Practices

1 Mindful Walking

Empathetic Listening

• A talks and B listens (bell)• B says “What I heard you feel is…” A gives

feedback and B responds until A is satisfied • Switch roles (bell)• Free-flow conversation

• Talk about a time when you overcame a challenge.

• Talk about someone in your life who you particularly appreciate and why.

• Anything you want to talk about that feels meaningful to you in some way.

Comments

Practices

1 JLM & Offering Kindness

2

Empathetic Listening3

Shift to Connection

EIMindfulness

Neuroscience

Self-awareness

Self-management

Motivation

Empathy

Leadership

• Self-awareness �Empathy

• Empathy is not psychologizing or agreeing

• Empathy is trainable• Practices: Just Like

Me, Empathetic Listening

Key Points

INTEGRATION

Communicating with Insight

Leading with Compassion

Communicating with Insight

Leading with Compassion

Self-awareness

Self-management

Motivation

Empathy

Three Levels

• Am I competent?• Am I a good person?• Am I worthy of love and respect?

CONTENT

FEELINGS

IDENTITY

Practice - Person AVerbalize each of the “3 levels” from YOURpoint of view:

1. Content (What happened?)

2. Feelings (How did I feel?)

3. Identity (What’s at stake?)• Am I competent?• Am I a good person?• Am I worthy of love?

Practice - Person AVerbalize each of the “3 levels” from the OTHER PARTY’S point of view:

1. Content (What happened from their perspective?)

2. Feelings (How do I think they felt?)3. Identity (What might have been at stake

for them?)• Am I competent?• Am I a good person?• Am I worthy of love?

Practice - Person BVerbalize each of the “3 levels” from YOURpoint of view:

1. Content (What happened?)

2. Feelings (How did I feel?)

3. Identity (What’s at stake?)• Am I competent?• Am I a good person?• Am I worthy of love?

Practice - Person BVerbalize each of the “3 levels” from the OTHER PARTY’S point of view:

1. Content (What happened from their perspective?)

2. Feelings (How do I think they felt?)3. Identity (What might have been at stake

for them?)• Am I competent?• Am I a good person?• Am I worthy of love?

Practice - Discuss

Discuss how it felt to have this

conversation with your partner

Comments

Verbalize the “three levels of the conversation”

1

2 Check your intention & decide whether to raise the issue

→ Am I competent?→ Am I a good person?→ Am I worthy of love?

• Content• Feelings• Identity

Start from the “third story”3

Problem-solve

4

5

Explore their story & yours

“Impact is not intention”

Micropractice:Difficult Conversations

Practices

1

2 “Impact is not intention”

Difficult conversations preparation

Communicating with Insight

Leading with Compassion

• What are some ways you feel when encountering someone in distress?

• What are some ways you react when encountering someone in distress?

Comments

Adapted from Singer & Klimecki, 2014. Current Biology.

Connecting with othersEmpathy

Compassion

• Self-related emotion• Negative feelings: stress• Poor health, burnout• Withdrawal & non-social

behavior

Empathic Distress

• Other-related emotion• Positive feelings: kindness• Good health• Approach & prosocial

motivation

Klimecki et al., 2013; Singer 2015

Greater activation in pro-social brain regions (red) versus empathy for pain regions (blue).

Lower physiological stress response (cortisol) in stressful social situations.

Compassion: interpersonal benefits

“Compassion may be defined as the capacity to be attentive to the experience of others, to wish the best for others, and to sense what will truly serve others.”

Joan Halifax

Jinpa, 2015

Compassion Makes Courage.“Having compassion for others frees us from fearing… it turns ourattention outward, expanding our perspective, making our own problems… part of something bigger than us that we are all in together.”

Compassion

• What came up for you in this reflection?

• Or, anything else you want to share

In Pairs

Comments

Micropractice:Compassion

Ask “What would be of service?”

Practices

1 Compassion practice

2 Ask, “What would be of service?”

Journaling

Share your commitment

• Who am I as a leader?

• How do I want to show up for others?

• What do I feel deeply committed to and what can I let go of?

• A talks. B, C, and D listen (bell) • Switch roles 3x (bell) • Free-flow conversation

• Who am I as a leader?

• How do I want to show up for others?

• What do I feel deeply committed to and what can I let go of?

Comments

• Emotional skills are trainable

• Mindfulness develops SA that enables all other EI domains

• SA: Pay attention to the body. From existential to physiological

• SM: From compulsion to choice

Practices:• Attention Training• Open Awareness• Body Scan• Mindful Listening• Mindful Conversation• Journaling• SBNRR• Self-Compassion

Day 1

• Motivation: Alignment, Envisioning, Resilience

• Empathy: Seeing Similarities, Offering Kindness

• Communicating with Insight

• Leading with Compassion

Practices:• Envisioning• Mindful Walking• JLM / Loving

Kindness• Empathetic

Listening• Difficult

Conversations• Compassion

Day 2

• Mindful Breathing• Three Breaths• Minute to Arrive• Open Awareness• Noting• Body Scan• Head, Gut, Heart,

Check-in

• Journaling• Mindful Listening• Mindful Eating• SBNRR• Self-Compassion• Acceptance

Micropractice

Practices Summary (D1)

• Journaling: values, envisioning

• Hands on Chair• Just Like Me,

Offering Kindness• Empathetic

Listening• Shift to Connection• Mindful Walking

• Difficult Conversations Prep.

• “Impact is not Intention”

• Compassion• Ask, “What would

be of service?”

Practices Summary (D2)

Comments

Next steps

28-Day Challenge

• Daily practices• Personal goals

& leadership commitment

• Buddy meetings

28 Day Challenge Capstone webinar &Post-program survey

Live Program

Buddies

• Ongoing Structure:‒ How are you doing? (5 minutes) ‒ How am I doing with my intentions and

practices? (10 minutes) ‒ How did this conversation go? (5 minutes)

• Everything shared is held confidentially.

Buddy Conversations

• Now:- Share intentions.- Set first meeting.

What do I take home from SIY?