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Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
All rights reserved.
Elaboration
Part 1: Defining Elaboration
These materials were developed by Washington teachers to help students improve their writing.
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
All rights reserved.
Learning Target
I can develop a piece of writing that
elaborates on a single idea and addresses
the needs and interests of a particular
audience.
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
All rights reserved.
Link to the MSP
• The quality of elaboration is directly related to scores on the Content, Organization, and Style portion of the Writing MSP. The best writing has multiple layers of elaboration.
• When MSP papers were analyzed, specific layered elaboration was the most critical element that differentiated between scores of “2” and “3” and scores of “3” and “4.”
Source: WASL scoring team, OSPI Standards Review Committee report
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
All rights reserved.
DEFINING ELABORATION
Lesson 1
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
All rights reserved.
Definition of Elaboration
• Elaboration means. . .
Tell Me More
Lesson 1
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
All rights reserved.
Definition of Elaboration
• Elaboration means. . .
– To tell the reader more using
• Specific words
• Onion-like layering of detail
• Specific strategies, e.g., anecdotes or
scenario, lists for specificity, examples,
definitions, descriptions, quotations,
statistics, and facts.
Lesson 1
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
All rights reserved.
What does elaboration look like?
• ANECDOTES -- An anecdote is a short
narrative inserted into an essay that
develops an idea or argument. This
sounds like. . .
Hey, I remember the time when I
had to carry my . . .
Once when I was in middle
school, the kids would
always. . .
Lesson 1
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
All rights reserved.
Develop your point with an anecdote. Student sample
You can’t give up, Jack.
I remember one time
when I played on the high
school baseball team. We
were losing, and it was the
8th inning. Everyone was
getting discouraged, and
then the coach said,
“BOYS! You’ve got to
RALLY here! Turn your
ball caps around and GET
OUT THERE!” So, Jack,
turn your ball cap – I mean
ATTITUDE -- around and
get out there!
Lesson 1
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
All rights reserved.
ANECDOTES - your turn
• Do you remember any teacher who told lots of
stories as they were teaching? Or parents who
told stories about “when they were young”?
This is an effective way to make or develop a
point. Share some of the stories you remember
with your classmates.
Lesson 1
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
All rights reserved.
What does elaboration look like?
• EXAMPLES -- provide more specific
information about an idea. This sounds
like. . .
The cats were all
acting like they were
crazy. For example,
one jumped at me with
all …
We had a barrage of
different weather last
week: hail, rain, snow,
and sunshine.
My brothers always
seem to pick on me.
For instance, they may
hide my soccer shoes
before a game.
Lesson 1
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
All rights reserved.
Develop your point with an
example. Student Sample
The game of golf can be
played for an entire lifetime
and also by yourself. People
of any age can go out and
play a round of golf whenever
they want as opposed to
team sports. For example,
football, soccer, and
volleyball take an entire team
of people to play. How many
times are you going to call up
ten or more of your friends
and go play sports?
Lesson 1
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
All rights reserved.
EXAMPLES - your turn
• Examples are an effective way to help the
reader understand your ideas.
• Tell a classmate about a situation at
school and provide him/her with an
example.
Lesson 1
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
All rights reserved.
What does elaboration look like?
• DEFINITIONS -- are restatements of an
unfamiliar word or phrase to tell what it
means. This sounds like…
The best part of our hot lunch program is the A La
Carte. What I mean by A La Carte is the little deli
line past the lunch line where you can buy cookies,
slushies, and candy bars.
Lesson 1
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
All rights reserved.
Develop your point with a definition. Student sample
One of the best programs at
our school is something called
Brainworks. Brainworks is an
after-school program where kids
go and do their homework. They
even let you work on the
computers there. I like it a lot
because the lady who runs the
program keeps everyone pretty
quiet. At my house, I have 6 little
brothers and sisters, and there is
never a quiet place to work.
Lesson 1
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
All rights reserved.
DEFINITION – your turn
• Defining specific words shows an
awareness of the audience. It shows you
are thinking of what the audience knows
and what they don’t know.
• Talk to your classmate about some of the
“lingo” you hear at school. What would
you have to define for your parents?
Lesson 1
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
All rights reserved.
What does elaboration look like?
• DESCRIPTIONS --are ways to create vivid
images for the reader.
The sound of my phone cut through the silent class, and
I anxiously dug into my backpack to grab it before Mrs.
Schuman, the writing teacher, noticed. Pawing through
Chapstick, lipstick, gum wrappers, and rubber hair wraps,
my hand darted around the deep pockets of my backpack.
“Must shut off ringer,” I thought.
Lesson 1
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
All rights reserved.
Develop your point with description. Student Sample
Lesson 1
Jackie walked slowly to
the Vietnam Veterans’
Memorial exhibit. In her
hands were two yellow
daffodils that she had
brought with her on the
hour-long bus ride.
Their green stems,
snapped from the patch
in the backyard, were
slowly drying out.
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
All rights reserved.
Description Example
• When I opened the door of my brother’s car, I was first assaulted by the overwhelming odor of mildew. This was combined with the lingering aroma of greasy cheeseburger wrappers and sweaty gym socks. My eyes wandered to the passenger’s seat littered with empty water bottles, gum wrappers, and foamy, scummy latte cups. The worst, however, was sitting down on the driver’s seat, hearing the crackle of potato chips, and feeling the stickiness of cotton candy on the steering wheel.
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
All rights reserved.
DESCRIPTION – your turn
• Description can take many forms and still be
effective. Show, don’t just tell, your reader. Be
specific with your word choice. Try to create an
image that appeals to your reader’s senses.
• Work with your partner and write a paragraph
that describes the cafeteria at your school.
Elaborate using sensory details.
Lesson 1
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
All rights reserved.
What does elaboration look like?
• STATISTICS and FACTS -- are the
numbers (data) and information that help
support your idea or argument.
Mom, did you know
that 98% of all my
friends get to stay
up until 1:00 AM on
weekends?
Well, Son, did you
know that 3 out of 4
parents would have
grounded you for
staying out so late?
Lesson 1
Kids who
smoke at an
early age are
prone to heart
attacks later in
life.
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
All rights reserved.
Develop your point with facts and
statistics. Student Sample
Another craze to sweep
America was the low-carb diet.
It was reported in the
newspaper after the last
holiday season that 67% of all
Americans were low-carb
dieting. Let me tell you the
personal impact that has had
on my family’s wheat farm
here in Washington.
Lesson 1
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
All rights reserved.
STATISTICS and FACTS –
your turn
• Talk to a partner and come up with a statistic about school, e.g., number of football games won, number of friendly teachers, amount of time wasted in class.
• Think of what statistics would convince the audience.
• Share an idea with the whole group.
Lesson 1
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
All rights reserved.
What does elaboration look like?
• QUOTATIONS -- are words someone
says that can help support your idea or
argument.
“Spaying or neutering
dogs and cats is the
single best gift a pet
owner can give.”
Dr. Stein, the
veterinarian from
the animal
shelter, agreed
when she said,
Lesson 1
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
All rights reserved.
Develop your point with quotations. Student Sample
Another reason to graduate from
high school is that even technical jobs
require a diploma. Jared Turner from
Best Performance Welding magazine
states, “We won’t even consider hiring
a person without a high school
diploma. Our workers need to read
the job specs, monitor equipment
performance, and write orders and
reports.” Turner went on to describe
the many qualified applicants who
compete for positions in his busy firm.
This seems to be different from the
good old days and makes a pretty
decent point about staying in school.
Lesson 1
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
All rights reserved.
QUOTATION – your turn
• Quotations or simple dialogue can add
information and credibility to your idea or
argument.
• Tell your classmate what a world famous
principal and author of The Best Schools
for Kids might say about your school.
Lesson 1
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