questioning and listening skills - workshop

Questioning and Listening Skills

Facilitated by Ian J Seath

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SEEK FIRST TO UNDERSTAND, THEN TO BE UNDERSTOOD

Stephen Covey - Seven habits of highly effective people

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4 possible communication styles

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Assertive

ResponsivePassive

Aggressive

Attack, Dominate,Threaten

Inform,Persuade,

Direct

Withdraw,Silent,

Apologise

Question, Listen,

Summarise

Characteristics

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AssertiveInformIn ControlConvincePersuadeInfluence

ResponsiveQuestionExploreSummariseListenEmpathise

AggressiveDominateSarcasticPatroniseAttackPut down othersDismissive

PassiveApologise (for everything)WithdrawSit on the fenceKeep the peacePut down self

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Assertive - Responsive

Aggressive - Passive

WIN

/ WIN

WIN

/ LO

SE

In balance with others Relaxed

Eye contact

Chooses influential position

Non-threatening

Open posture Paced

Closed posture Avoids eye contact

Out of balance with others - stand vs. sit

Erratic Tense

LISTENING SKILLS

Most people listen in order to respond; good listeners listen in order to understand.

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Listening vs. Hearing

Animals and machines can hear; i.e. respond to sensory inputs Sheepdog following commands from shepherd Voice recognition software on a PC

Only people can listen; i.e. interpret the meaning behind words and react accordingly “Can you pass me some water please?”

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Listen and remember

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Time

%Remembered

Repetition

Impact

Recency Effect(Strong Summary/Ending)

Start-up Effect(Strong Introduction)

Keys to effective listening

Find areas of interest Judge content, not

delivery Hold your fire Listen for ideas Be flexible in note-taking

Work at listening Resist distractions Exercise your mind Keep your mind open Capitalise on the fact that

thought is faster than speech

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Active listening

Behaviours which demonstrate active listening include... An attentive posture, leaning forward, with uncrossed

arms (“open” body language) Nodding your head Smiling (genuinely) Verbal cues (“Uh huh”, “I see”, “Yes”, “Go on”) Making eye contact (but not staring) Asking Reflective Questions Taking notes Summarising

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Active listening

Confirmation and acknowledgement “Yes, I agree” “Uh huh, I see”

Showing empathy “What you seem to be saying is…” “So, you feel…” “If I were in your position…” “I understand your points…”

Appropriate Body Language Open and positive

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HOW YOU ARE, IS AS IMPORTANT AS WHAT YOU SAY!

We pay 5 times more attention to the body language than we do to the words.

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“Do you want to come to my

party?”

“I think you’re great

Ref!”

“Fantastic decision!”“I like you

very much”

Questioning techniques Open Questions

What, Where, When, Who, Why, How

To get the candidate talking and open up discussion

Closed Questions Did, Can, Was, Were, Is To confirm facts and close

down discussion Probe Questions

“Why did that happen?” “How did that affect you?” To get behind the first answer

Reflective Questions “You mentioned training, in what

way was...” “Challenging, how was that...?” Reflects back the candidate’s

answer and leads to a further question

Demonstrates active listening Leading Questions

“Do you prefer X or Y?” “You agree, don’t you?” Should not be used

Multiple Questions “What... & was...?” Should not be used

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Remember...“Prejudice is a great time saver.

It enables you to form opinions without having to gather the facts.”(Anon.)

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Ian J SeathImprovement Skills Consulting Ltd.(November 2013)

ian.seath@improvement-skills.co.uk

07850 728506

@ianjseath

www.improvement-skills.co.uk