resilience - the raymond john wean foundation · 2017. 9. 28. · cheri huber • the self-esteem...

Resilience:Strengthening Skills that Help You and the People You Work with to Stay Grounded,

Compassionate, Refreshed and Positively Engaged

Facilitated by Beth Weinstock2017

When you think of resilience, what words come to mind?

When you think of people you consider resilient, what adjectives come to mine?

1) What gets in the way of resilience?

2) What builds it?

3) How do we as leaders stay balanced and supportive to others when stress and anxiety challenge resilience?

4) How do we keep our hearts open and available for this hard work and the challenge of sustaining resilience?

My story: the voice of negative

Self-talk and its distortions

Lucy: our ancestor

Early Childhood ExperiencesAnd Family Dynamics

Development of Negative Self-Talk, Fear and Distortion

No point in trying

I’ll never get the job

They won’t pick me

I can’t possibly learn that material

They didn’t mean to say it

If they only knew….

I’m too sensitive

I’m making a mountain of a mole hill

I’m such an idiot

I never do it right

I’m just not smart-enough

I’m way too slow

What if I can’t do it?

What if they think I’m better than I am?

Maybe this is the wrong decision

Maybe they won’t include me

Maybe I shouldn’t have said what I said

Internal Voices that Undermine Resilience

Thoughts Create Emotions that lead to behavioral outcomes

Voice of the Inner Coach

Bring to mind a time of challenge or vulnerability when

someone was your cheerleader, a good

coach, mentor, teacher or boss.

Voice of the Inner Coach

• Stays non-judgmental• Keeps a neutral tone• Encourages excellence, not perfection• Creates safety to receive feedback• Promotes ownership of strengths• Supports assertive behavior• Sorts out fact from fiction • Guides us to notice and absorb what is positive

Job Description of the Inner Coach is to CounteractNegative Self-talk

Meet & Greet

Inner Critic Message: “I’m so stupid”

Quality You’re Proud Of: “I’m resourceful”

Awareness of Selective Attention

“The real voyage of discovery is not in finding new landscapes, but new eyes”.

Prousthttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJG698U2Mvo

Neuroplasticity

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELpfYCZa87g

Neuroplasticity

Thought Patterns & Stories We Tell Ourselves

• All-or-Nothing Thinking

• Disqualifying the Positive

• Jumping to Conclusion• Emotional Reasoning

• Should Statements

• Personalizing

See complete list in handouts

What are your main thought distortions?

Working with undermining voices to strengthen your Inner coach

Identify:1. Situation– No response to my idea, just silence

2. Thought - “My idea must sound fool; that’s why no one said anything.”

3. Feeling - shame, embarrassment, anger

4. Story- “I am never clear and never get understood… “this group will not value me”

5. Possible Destructive Action- I will drop out

6. Constructive Inner-Coaching™ Message – “That’s a story! You don’t know why they didn’t respond“……” check out what people are thinking”…”See if you can say your idea more clearly if that is the problem” …..“Even if people don’t like the idea it doesn’t mean it is foolish”

Worksheet: Thought Patterns

Situation Thoughts Feelings Story Inner-Coaching™ Voice

Practicing the voice of your Inner coach

In small groups

come up with as many inner-coaching™ messages as possible for each situation

3 Step Process for Shifting Negative Self-Talk

Hear - Notice Thoughts & Stories

Interrupt - Pause the Self-Talk

Replace – Constructive coaching message

How what we think influences how we feel and may influence behavior and generates our impact.

Let’s turn to resilience for

our physical body

The Nervous System:

• Sympathetic is our fight/flight/freeze response

• Parasympathetic system is our relaxation response

sympathetic

parasympathetic

_____________________________________________________________________________________

________________________________

_____________________________Depression and/or

shut down

High anxiety

High activation

Managing Stress & Fortifying Resilience

Breathing techniques

Gratitude

Guided imagery

The Power of Body Poses (Any Cuddy)

Self-protection against criticism (Brene Brown)

The Power of compassion for self and other

Calming others

The power of your presence to regulate other’s stress

First responder intervention: “You are safe right now….”

Visual Imagery for Supporting Mind & Body

Game Changer

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zmR2A9TnIso

How do we stay both courageous, keep an open heart and True to Self

Brené Brown:

“Why Your Critics Aren't The Ones Who Count”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-JXOnFOXQk

2:39-9:39

Compassion What message would be helpful to hear from

your Inner Coach?

May I be safe, peaceful, kind, accepting

Books to Boost Courage, Resilience & Self-Confidence

• The Pursuit of Perfect - Tal Ben-Shahar

• Bouncing Back - Linda Graham

• There is Nothing Wrong with You - Cheri Huber

• The Self-Esteem Companion: Challenge the Inner Critic - McKay, Fanning, Honeychurch & Sutker

• Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up & Leave Insecurity Behind - Kristin Neff

• The Four Agreements - Don Miguel Ruiz

• Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love,

Parent, and Lead – Brene Brown

• The Resilience Factor - Karen Reivich & Andrew Shatte

resilience - the raymond john wean foundation · 2017. 9. 28. · cheri huber • the self-esteem...

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