the dark, sad, and lonely poetry

ReflectionsI stand in silenceIn front of the mirror.A single tear runs down my face.

I hold out my left hand.And bring it in.I let go.

I repeat with my right handThen both.I let it flow.

I slowly collapse,The ceiling slowly fading.Into a forever black.

DisappointmentLife is full of disappointments

Everyone knows that.Every so oftenI feel like one.

My momShe expects a lot out of me.These days,I’ve let her down.

She would get mad,I would go upstairs,I would sit in the closetAnd cry silently

She would let up,I would feel better.This is the cycle.Each time, getting worse.

Life is full of disappointmentsEveryone knows that.Every so oftenI feel like one.

Why?I go on with life.Like nothing’s wrong.But what for?

I work hardSometimes, not hard enough.It’s going downhill.Why try?

My trust is dwindling.Like one’s life.It fades into the darkness.Along with my faith.

My life is messed up.It’s going downhill.No one has helped me.Forever alone. (Inspired by “In the End” by Linkin Park)

AloneI walk around.I see people with smiles.Why can't I be like them?

I see people together.Happy.Why am I not like them?

Everyone has a "friend."A significant other.Except me.

Alone.Sad.Soon to be non-existent.

TodayI’ve had enough.I’m done with it.I need to speak out.

People are suffering.It needs to stop.

Now.

People usually care for themselves.It’s normal.Not me.

I will make a change.I will make people look.Today.Inspired by “Shattered” by O.A.R.

DeathI stand there.Alone.With dwindling hope.

I anxiously wait.To see my long lost friend.Hopes quickly dropping.

"Are you Emily?""Yes I am.""Your friend has been killed."

I go home.Tears flowing.Depressed.

If I can't see my boyfriend,And he can't see me,I'll do whatever it takes.Inspired by “Lily’s Theme” from Harry Potter.

I WantI want to be noticed.For who I am.I want to be loved.

I want to go out with someone.On Friday nights.With someone.

I want someone who’ll listen.I want someone who cares.Someone who comforts me.

i want to be loved. By someone.But I won’t.Alone is what I am.Forever.Inspired by “I Won’t Give Up” by Jason Mraz

LifeIf everyone has a purpose,What’s my role?

It can be worse.That is what people say.Well, then.They’re wrong.

People find their niche. It’s easy.

What’s mine?The loner.

If everyone has a purpose,What’s mine?Inspired by “Courtyard Apocalypse” from Harry Potter

Take a StandI've walked around.I've been called names.That ends.Today.

Out of my way, bitches.You're nothing.Pieces of shit.Nothing.

You've taught me a lesson.Who cares what you think?

Maybe them.But not me.

I'm taking a stand.For what I believe in.It starts.Today.Inspired by “This is What Rock n’ Roll Looks Like” by Porcelain Black

Candle LightA single candle lit.In the middle of the room.Dark.

I watch it.Swishing and swaying.Slowly burning.

It soon burns out.Leaving me alone.In the dark.

Reminds me of life.

You start bright and young.Slowly dying.Inspired by “Lily’s Theme” by Harry Potter

All ApologiesI messed up.Big time.Forever.

I've been with him for so long.I should've seen it coming.How could I not see it coming?I'm so stupid.

What am I going to do?How am I going to move on?I'm not sure how.I'll just sit here and die..Inspired by “All Apologies” by Nirvana

Remember What You DidI’ve walked around.Hiding in the shadows.Scared to be brokenhearted.

WHat’s wrong with me?Why do people not like me?I’ve become outcasted.

if I am one.There’s one question.Why am I here?

I guess I don’t need to.I have no person.So what now?

This is goodbye.I’ll miss you.Remember what you did.Inspired by “How Do You Love Someone?”

Life Goes OnLife goes on.What happened happened.What will happen, you determine.

People can influence that.The future.Good and bad.

Mine took a turn for the worse.People influenced it.I made the executive decision.

But it's in the past.You can't help it now.Life goes on.Inspired by “Tamer Animals” by Other Lives

True StoryMy mom yells at me,I yell back.Rage quickly building.

I run upstairs,To calm down.Tears streaming down my face.

Soon comes bedWhat’s wrong with me?Why can’t I just die?

I make a plan.To make it end.Hope you remember well.Inspired by life. True story.

-Time Freezes-I was told a story.That time would freeze.Maybe for life.

What happens if it DID freeze?Will we just stop?Never to move again?

Or will we be able to blink and breath?These questions come up a lot.It’s how I work.

When time freezes though,I want one thing.To be next to my love.Inspired by “Gerudo Valley”: from The Legend of Zelda

CreepPeople look at me oddly.Like I’m a creep.I am a creep.

People call me a geek.And I would agree.I’m a weirdo.

People don’t want me here.I totally understand.What the hell am I doing here?

I’ve been outcasted.No one wants me.I don’t belong here...Inspired by Creep by Radiohead. Last line of each stanza is the chorus of the song.

You’re EverythingYour smile lights up my world.Your personality can bring one out of depression.You’re everything.

Your talent is unbelievable.You do everything perfectly.You’re everything.

You put others before you.But still, you get things done.You’re everything.

You have a lot of friends.And you’re nice to all of them.You’re everything.

So why is it,EmilyThat you had to take your life?Inspired by Creep by Radiohead

DeathDeath...Can laugh in your face.Can manipulate you.

Death...Can traumatize you.Can change you.

Death...Can make you take your live.Creeps closer by the secon.

Death can do a lot.Inspired by “Procession” from Harry Potter.

A single tearA single tear.Can mean so muchSo much emotion.

It can mean pain.It can mean joy.It can mean anything.

It can mean sadness.It can mean loneliness.It can mean anything.

It can mean happiness.It can mean love.It can mean anything.

A single tear.Can mean so much.Even a goodbye.

I’m SorryFor everything I’ve caused.I’m sorry.

For laughing at you.I’m sorry.

For me making fun of you.I’m sorry.

For me calling you names.I’m sorry.

I’m sorry for making you feel bad.Just don’t go.You’re too important.Inspired by All Apologies by Nirvana.

Don’t LeaveYou can’t go.We won’t let you.Don’t leave us.

Don’t pack your bagsThink of your friends.What will they say?

Don’t say adios.You’ll leave us.Why?

Why?Why take your life?What about us?

Don’t die.Don’t leave me.I love you.Inspired by Creep by Radiohead. Written on 1/11/13

ChangeChangeA simple word.With a big difference.

It can be good.Like getting a new job.It’s the effect of change.

Sometimes it’s bad.Like moving.It’s the effects of change.

It can mean life and death.It all changes then.It’s what change can do.

ChangeA simple word.With a big difference.Inspired by Creep by Radiohead. Written on January 11, 2013

It Doesn’t Matter.“In the end, it doesn’t even matter.”Linkin Park’s right.It doesn’t matter.

Not to me, anyway.,I won’t exist.I’ll be out of life.

Everything I’ve done.All of it.Won’t matter.

It’s life.It’s how it works.So deal with it.

“In the end, it doesn’t even matter.”Linkin Park’s right.It doesn’t matter.Inspired by In the End by Linkin Park. Written on January 14, 2013

It’s not you...I stand in the kitchen.Waiting.Butcher knife in hand.

Tom walks in.Stops in his tracks.Freezes.

“Emily, put down the knife.”That’s all he says.Before I stop him.

“It’s not you, it’s me.”Then I start.

I cut myself to death.The light was there.And I went for it.Written on January 14, 2013

A single letter.Fellow friends:I have left, went away, moved on.

Don’t worry, I’m okay. Just remember it wasn’t you.I hope you remember me. ‘Cause you never know. I might not be alive.IN my room you’ll find things with name tags on them. Take the ones with your name on it.I hope you all remember me.Because I might come back,And I might not.

I’m sorry.

Moving OnI’ve learned to move.

To move on.So I did.

I’ve moved on.And I can’t come back.Ever.

Unless you believe in ghosts.And the supernatural.Maybe you’ll see me there.

I know it’s hard.Take it from me.It was hard for me to do this.

Now that I’ve moved on.Now that I’ve left.You should, too.Inspired by Procession from Harry Potter. 1/16/13

I Can’tI can’t take the yelling.I can’t take the slapping.I can’t take it.

I just can’t.

You say to suck it up.You say move on.I can’t do that.I just can’t.

People say to tell.People say speak out.I can’t speak.I just can’t.I can’t do these things.Because I’m afraid.Of what you’re going to do.1/26/13

ColorsColors.They do a lot.They define our world.

WE see them everyday.They reflect our emotions.Colors are a part of us.

Some say they see a color.And a lot of it.Happens to me all the time.

My world’s turning black.Black and gray.It’s getting like that quickly.

Colors.They do a lot.They define our world.1/26/13

I’m ReadyThis is it.This is the end.I’ve done my part.

I’ve been loved.I’ve been hated.

I’ve seen it all.

My world slowly turnsAnd morphs.All into a giant blob.

My life goes.Right before my eyes.Right then and there.

So come on, death.I’ll take it.I’m ready to die.Inspired by Skyfall 2/6/13

Until You TryYou won’t feel it.The pain.Until you try.

You won’t feel it.The guilt.Until you try.

You won’t understandWhy I’m doing this.Until you try.

You won’t get it.The painThe guiltThe thought of dyingcommitting suicide.Until you try.2/6/13

DamageI had it all.Everything.That was then.

One day.After school.Changed it all.

My mom yelled at me.I had nowhere to go.So I internalized it.

It ate me alive.Inside out.In a matter of months.

Here I’m now.A ghost.Because my mom hurt my life.2/6/13

Someone… Anyone…

It's odd.How Mother Nature works.It's like she tells you things.

Every time I go outside.The world seems different.Darker, gloomier.

That's how my life's been.Darker, gloomier.And it's getting worse.

I can't take this.I don't know why.I just need someone to talk to.

When I’m GoneNo one will noticeNo one will care.When I’m gone.

Everyone will go on.Secretly happy.When I’m gone.

More possessions.For more people.When I’m gone.

So, no one cares.No one notices.

When I’m gone.

GoneNot because I wanted to.But because it was needed.

Of course, I hesitated.I AM human.Or, was.

The pain?Oh, yeah. It was bad.But it was needed.

So I hope you’re happy.I hope you remember me.Because You won’t see me.

PainPainMost people think it’s physical.But what about the emotional pain?

It eats you.It changes you.Until you become a different person.

Some people notice.And get you help.To stop it.

But who cares?I’ll stop itOnce and for all.

Ready to EndThis is it.I’m ready.To end my life.

People have helped me.Make sure this doesn’t happy.And they tried hard.

But it can’t continue.I can’t let it.So here I am.

So I’m ready.Come at me.I’ll take it.

Really…People say I matter.I need to be here.But why?

I know my strengthsI know my weaknesses.They soon won’t matter.

So why is itThat people say they’ll be thereWhen they don’t mean it.

I don’t matter.I can die.And no one will care.

Dear Reader,As you know, this notebook contained many poems about suicide and

depression. Most of them dark, sad, and lonely. I am here today to say, “it all ends here.” In a good way, I’m still here, alive and well.

Special thanks:To Noah, for reading every single one, then finally stepping in to stop

me from killing myself.To Keane, for being there and not telling anyone.To Mikell, for the wonderful letter and the helpful lift.To Aaron, who gave me the reality slap I needed.To all four of them, for the wonderful letters written.To Liam, who read almost every single one and said, “You need to stop

killing yourself” right in the middle of Jazz Band.To Travis, who said good job for everyone I wrote, which got me to this

point.To Shayne, for saying the most random things that would make my

day and would keep me alive for that extra day.

I can’t thank them enough. I’m here today because of them.Emily.

A New BeginningThis is it.

Today.A new beginning.

People have stepped in.And helped.Which is why I’m here today.

So thank you.To all those who have helped.You won’t believe how much I love you guys.

A new beginning.A new hope. That starts.Today.