the influence equation

The Influence Equation

Stevenson CarlebachSociety of Women EngineersOctober 24, 2013

the art and science of influence

the in

fluence

equation

definitionin•flu•ence:

verb affecting the actions, behaviors, opinions or feelings of another

nounthe capacity or power to be a compelling force on, or produce effects on the actions, behaviors, etc of others

substance

relationship process

3 targets

influence exercise

‣ In pairs

‣ Decide who will be the persuader

‣ Persuader: think of a topic that you have strong opinions about...

‣ You will have two minutes to convince the listener

Why the gap?

Why do we get caught between what we know we should do and what we feel

compelled to do

Influence =PersuasionResistance(I = IQ ± EQ)

the goal

‣ develop methods and capacity to present your ideas, needs and concerns so that they are heard and rationally considered

‣ NOT: talk others into something that either doesn’t make sense to them or runs contrary to their interests

Influence Continuum

‣ Opposition

‣ Non-opposition

‣ Tacit agreement

‣ Agreement with initial action

‣ Sustained action and change

‣ Action plus influencing others to join the

action

reactance

‣ reactance is resistance that is engendered by the persuasion itself

‣ the more you push, the more resistance you encounter

‣ reverse psychology works by triggering reactance to the choice you don’t want them to make

Influence =Reason + Interests + Relationship

Status + Affiliation + Fear

Persuasion

Common Persuasion Advice/Tactics

Make reasons more compelling (for the safety of your loved ones, act now”)

Add incentives (“free gifts”)

Increase source credibility (“I play a doctor on TV”)

Consensus information (“millions of satisfied customers”)

Emphasize scarcity (“limited time offer”)

Use reciprocity (“can I get you a coffee, soft drink”)

Emphasize consistency (“you already have one at home”)

Persuasion = Reason + Interests + Relationship

Interests: Skill: Understanding Role: Facilitator

PurposeDemonstrate how their interests will be met if they say “yes”

MindsetThe key to persuading them is meeting their interests

Behaviors‣Interview to understand their interests ‣Ask “why” to understand not what they want but why they want it ‣Suggest options and ask them to criticize them ‣Test your understanding by offering “soft” proposals‣Assume a “no” means you don’t understand their interests

Building a Yesable Proposition

• Build a proposal based on their interests (not options)

• “For you to say ‘yes’ to my proposal, you would need ...”

• List what you think their key interests are

• Ask them to clarify and/or prioritize

• When they agree on principle,

– suggest options – link options to their specific interests

Interests: Sequencing

‣ Prepare: think about what their interests might be (substantive, relationship and process interests)

‣ Interview: learn interests you’re missing and prioritize

‣ Propose: Suggest a “yes-able proposition”

‣ Show: Demonstrate how your proposal will meet their key interests

‣ Acknowledge: Deal with trust issues by being accepting of residual resistance

Reason: Idea Antibodies

When you persuade ineffectively or prematurely, the other person may begin resist. Like an immune response, their mind attacks any like ideas.

Eventually you may get anaphylactic shock

Reason: The World is Flat

Reason: Skill: Interview Role: Reporter

PurposeExpress your perspective in a way that they can hear (which means in a way that fits their system of logic

MindsetCuriosity unlocks certainty

Behaviors‣Interview to understand their ladder (data, inferences, conclusions) ‣Develop arguments that make sense given their perceptions ‣Advocate your view as a theory (not the truth) ‣Invite their disagreement and disconfirming data‣Only advocate when they’re ready to listen (listen and acknowledge first)

Reason: Sequencing

‣ Prepare: think about what you know about their ladder

‣ Interview: learn their data and inferences

‣ Acknowledge: demonstrate understanding of their logic

‣ Negotiate: offer additional data and/or different inferences;

‣ Clarify: explain your perspective and ask for criticism

Relationship: Audit

Audit the Relationship from their perspective

Interests: Do they see my interests as shared or competing? competing 1 2 3 4 5 shared

Relationship: Do they see me as trustworthy? untrustworthy 1 2 3 4 5 trustworthy

Fear: How comfortable are they with me or this situation? risky 1 2 3 4 5 safe

Status: Do they feel respected by me? demeaned 1 2 3 4 5 respected

Communication: Do they experience our conversation as one or two-way? one-way 1 2 3 4 5 two-way

undertow

Resistance

Resistance minimizing tricks ‣ Flattery

‣ Redefine the relationship (not a salesman, a consultant)

‣ Futurizing (“buy now, pay later”)

‣ Depersonalize (not “you should” but “one should”

‣ Foot in the door (“just try this sample”)

‣ Diminish by comparison (just for fun let me show you this top of the line...”)

Resistance =Status + Affiliation + Fear

Status

Key components of Status

Autonomy: sense of autonomy or self agency

Role: characterization relative to another person

Identity: core aspects of one’s character

Resistance is triggered when status is lowered

Status: Role

Advice

‣Be aware of the Roles you assign

‣Re-cast the other into a Role that appeals to them

‣Remember that Status is not zero-sum

Resistance develops when the other is “cast” in an unappealing role

Status/Role: Exercise

Dramatis Personae

Describe yourself:

Describe them:

Affiliation

Key components of Affiliation

Belonging: feeling included or excluded (in or out)

Loyalty: faithfulness to groups and commitments

Fairness: the perception of being treated equally

Resistance increases when one’s sense of group is threatened

Key components of Fear

Threats: perceived dangers to success, status, position, reputation, relationships, process...

Anxieties: an individual’s triggers or sensitivities based on past experiences or hard wiring

Anxiety, threat and loss of security drive resistance

Fear: Threats

Advice

‣Think about how you or your actions might be perceived as as endangering:

‣ operations, reputation, status, process, finances, relationships

‣Manage fear with empathy before attempting to problem solve

‣Explore risk assessment and management

Threats to security or status drive resistance

Fear: Anxieties

Advice

‣Make the discussion of triggers a community norm

‣Own your triggers (other people don’t cause your reactions)

‣Deal empathetically and firmly with dysfunctional behaviors

‣Empathize before problem solving

Past experience hard-wires us to be easily triggered towards resistance

An Influence Sequence

1.Analyze the Relationship: especially what role they give us

2.Make a list of their Interests (as they would express them)

3.Initiate conversation by clarifying their Interests (goals, objectives)

4.Show them how your proposal will meet their Interests (present information in a way that doesn’t give them the role of student)

5.Try to give them as much Autonomy as possible (Status)

Going Forward

Your learning edge

What skills do you need to work on?

What will you do to improve them?

What are your external obstacles to following through?

What are your internal obstacles to following through?

What’s your plan to overcome your obstacles?

PersuasionResistance

Suggested ResourcesInfluence =

Reason + Interests + Relationship

Ariely, Dan. Predictably Irrational: The Hidden Forces That Shape Our Decisions. New York: HarperCollins Publisher, 2009.

Cialdini, Robert B. Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion. New York: William Morrow and Company, Inc., 1984.

Ekman, Paul. Emotions Revealed: Recognizing Faces and Feelings to Improve Communication and Emotional Life. 2nd ed. New York: Holt Paperbacks, 2007.

Fisher, Roger, William L. Ury, and Bruce Patton. Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In. 2nd ed. New York: Penguin Books, 1991 (1st ed., 1981).

Suggested ResourcesInfluence =

Reason + Interests + Relationship

Fisher, Roger and Daniel Shapiro. Beyond Reason: Using Emotions as You Negotiate. New York: Viking, 2005.

Johnstone, Keith. Impro: Improvisation and the Theatre. New York: Routledge, 1979.

Stone, Douglas, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen. Difficult Conversa- tions: How to Discuss What Matters Most. New York: Viking, 1999.

Kegan, Robert and Lisa Laskow Lahey. Immunity to Change: How to Overcome It and Unlock the Potential in Yourself and Your Organi- zation. Boston: Harvard Business Press, 2009.

Triad ConsultingHarvard Square

50 Church Street, 3rd FloorCambridge, MA 02138

617-547-1782www.diffcon.com

carlebach@diffcon.com

the influence equation

triad consulting

2nd ed

2013 stevenson

rights reserved

eque llc

stevenson

bruce patton

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