understanding anger lesson one - san diego, ca€¦ · understanding anger eph: 4:26-27: "be...

Understanding

Anger

Lesson One

Understanding Anger

What verses from the Bible

come to mind when you think of anger, wrath, being angry?

Understanding Anger

Eph: 4:26-27:

"Be angry, and do not sin": do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil.

James 1:19-20:

So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.

Understanding Anger Anger is an emotion. A very

powerful emotion but just an

emotion.

Anger expressions are what can

be harmful and destructive.

Anger expressions are learned,

therefore can be unlearned.

Understanding Anger

Anger is a secondary emotion: meaning something else is felt before you get angry. A PRIMARY emotion.

FRUSTRATION

Hurt

FEAR

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Understanding Anger

Fear Dance: The Number One Destroyer of Relationships

Understanding Anger

Application: Look at point 1, and think of a recent

conflict with someone, married then with your spouse, not married with

friend, coworker, relative, whoever.

From that conflict you felt what from the list in #2.?

Understanding Anger

When you feel that way you react by doing what in #3.

Then at the bottom of page one take what your starred items are from #2 and write them in the one you feel the most in #4. These are your core fear buttons: these become your dragons.

Understanding Anger

On page two of handout: The Fear Dance,

Step 1: Write in My Core Fear Buttons from #4 on page one

Step 2: Write in My Reactions from #3 on page one. If you are married write in your spouse Core Fear Buttons in Step 3 page one, and Step 4 My spouse Reactions from their #3 on page one.

Understanding Anger

This week at the bottom of page two of the handout Step 5 is to discuss how this dance plays out in your conflicts.

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Overcome Fear by: Ps.56:3 When I am afraid, I trust in you. Ps. 56:10 In God – I boast in his promise –in the Lord – I boast in his promise

56:11 in God I trust, I am not afraid. What can mere men do to me?

Romans 15:13: May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

1Jo 4:18 There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears punishment has not been perfected in love.

HURT

Commitment to Forgive

Why: Because God is a God of forgiveness:

4:31 You must put away every kind of bitterness, anger, wrath, quarreling, and evil, slanderous talk. 4:32 Instead, be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ also forgave you.

Understanding Anger

Forgiveness= FOR GIVE NESS

To send forth, in various applications (as follow):-cry, forgive, forsake, lay aside, leave, let (alone, be, go, have), omit, put (send) away, remit, suffer, yield up.

Understanding Anger

Forgiveness begins with a choice to forgive, that sets a process in motion, that over time, will result in a lessening of painful emotions that resulted from what caused you to need to forgive in the first place.

FRUSTRATION

Ways to relieve frustration:

1.Time with God,

2. Eat

3. Sleep

4. Exercise

5. Relax

6. Build margins into your life

The Exploder

Punish the target

Blaming

Justifying an action or

Just letting the other person know

you are not going to take it any more

Make the person feel bad

Make him/her pay!

Personal embarrassment

Damage to the relationship

Divorce or potential divorce

Loss of a friendship

Job loss or consequences at work like disciplinary action

Expensive damage or loss of property

Guilt and anxiety

Murder and personal injury

Internalize Anger

Stuff Anger

Deny Anger

Resentment

Bitterness

Somatizer

• Headaches

• Ulcers

• Colds

• Colitis

• Hypertension

• 20 other

Self Punisher

Not as obvious

Blame self

Beat up on self

Low self concept

Results:

• Depression

• Suicide

• Cutting

The Underhander

Very clever: Gossiping Little barbs Sarcastic wit “What did I say? I didn’t mean anything by it. Jokes at another’s expense Jabs Failing in school Adultery

Pouter

“What is wrong?”

“What is the matter?”

Response: “Oh, nothing”

• Deny they are angry

• Silent treatment

• Want to punish you

Understanding Anger

Resolving Anger:

Admit to yourself you have a problem.

Agree before God and to God that your

problem is sin, 1 Jn. 1:9.

Ask for His help and get help and healing

in this area in of your life, Mt. 7:7-8.

Amend hurt (seek forgiveness) where

possible, Mt. 5:23-24.