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The United States of America
The United States of America
Lukas Doktor
2009-02-28
The United States of America
Prelude
1 Prelude
2 Some say...
3 Summary
4 Closure
The United States of America
Prelude
My experiences with americans
3 years working directly under an american boss
1 year English lessons from an american teacher
many years in touch over internet
milions of TV shows, series and movies
couple of lessons about America (MASA)
The United States of America
Some say...
Figure: The world according to America
The United States of America
Some say...
Culture
? What’s the difference between an American and yoghurt?
The United States of America
Some say...
Culture
? What’s the difference between an American and yoghurt?
! Yoghurt at least has it’s own culture :)
The United States of America
Some say...
Beer
* You know, American beer is like making love in a canoe...
The United States of America
Some say...
Beer
* You know, American beer is like making love in a canoe...
! $#%ING WATER!!!
The United States of America
Some say...
Food
? What’s the American’s favorite food?
The United States of America
Some say...
Food
? What’s the American’s favorite food?
! Drive thru
The United States of America
Some say...
Inteligence
? What’s the difference between an American and an Americanbomb?
The United States of America
Some say...
Inteligence
? What’s the difference between an American and an Americanbomb?
! The bomb is smart enough to know where to find Iraq.
The United States of America
Some say...
US Army
Transcript of an ACTUAL radio conversation (October 1995):
A Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid acollision.
C Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the Southto avoid collision.
The United States of America
Some say...
US Army
Transcript of an ACTUAL radio conversation (October 1995):
A This is the Captain of a US Navy Ship. I say again, divertYOUR course.
C No... I say again, you divert YOUR course.
The United States of America
Some say...
US Army
Transcript of an ACTUAL radio conversation (October 1995):
A THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THESECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATESATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREEDESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS, AND NUMEROUSSUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGEYOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT’S ONE FIVEDEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BEUNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
The United States of America
Some say...
US Army
Transcript of an ACTUAL radio conversation (October 1995):
C This is a lighthouse...your call.
The United States of America
Some say...
President
A British doctor says: The medicine in my country is so advancedthat we can remove the brain of a man, put it in another man andmake him get a job in six weeks.A German doctor says: That is nothing. We can remove the brainof a person, put it in another one and prepare him for war in fourweeks.An American doctor, not to be surpassed, says: Friends, both ofyou are outdated. Recently we identified a man without a brainfrom Texas and placed him in the White House. Now we have halfthe country looking for a job and the other half preparing for war!
The United States of America
Some say...
Racism
American school. Three kids have the last chance to pass to thenext class Teacher asks John:
John, please spell the word CAT
C-A-T
Very good, you passed.
Mery, please spell the word DOG
D-O-G
Great, you passed
And now Ahmed, please spell: DISCRIMINATION OFFOREGINERS ACCORDING TO AMERICAN LEGISLATION
The United States of America
Summary
SummaryA truly Canadian Apology to the USA, courtesy of Rick Mercer from This Hour Has 22 Minutes, CBCTelevision:
Hello. I’m Anthony St. George on location here in Washington.
President On behalf of Canadians everywhere I’d like to offer an apology to the United States of America. Wehaven’t been getting along very well recently and for that, I am truly sorry. I’m sorry we called George Busha moron. He is a moron, but it wasn’t nice of us to point it out. If it’s any consolation, the fact that he’s amoron shouldn’t reflect poorly on the people of America. After all, it’s not like you actually elected him.
Production I’m sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because we have more trees than you, doesn’t give us the rightto sell you lumber that’s cheaper and better than your own. It would be like if, well, say you had ten timesthe television audeince we did and you flood our market with great shows, cheaper than we could produce.I know you’d never do that.
Hockey I’m sorry we beat you in Olympic hockey. In our defence I guess our excuse would be that our team wasmuch, much, much, much better than yours. As word of apology, please accept all of our NHL teamswhich, one by one, are going out of business and moving to your fine country.
Army I’m sorry about our waffling on Iraq. I mean, when you’re going up against a crazed dictator, you want tohave your friends by your side. I realize it took more than two years before you guys pitched in againstHitler, but that was different. Everyone knew he had weapons.
White House I’m sorry we burnt down your White House during the War of 1812. I see you’ve rebuilt it! It’s very nice.
Music I’m sorry for Alan Thicke, Shania Twain, Celine Dion, Loverboy, that song from Seriff that ends with areally high-pitched long note.
Beer Your beer. I know we had nothing to do with your beer, but we feel your pain.
And finally on behalf of all Canadians, I’m sorry that we’re constantly apologizing for things in apassive-aggressive way which is really a thinly veiled criticism. I sincerely hope that you’re not upset overthis. Because we’ve seen what you do to countries you get upset with.
For 22 minutes, I’m Anthony St. George, and I’m sorry.
The United States of America
Closure
Questions
Figure: Europe vs. USA
The United States of America
Closure
Thank you for your attention
The United States of America
Closure
Literature
Wojnar, J., The World accordig to America<http://www.gewo.cz/agentura/ami world.htm>.
Canada Kick Ass <http://www.canadaka.net>.
Ultimate joke directory <http://www.dirtyjokesinc.com>.
The Owl At Purdue<http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/printable/540/>.
Dictionary <http://www.slovnik.cz/>.
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