An Islamic Family

The is no obedience to the creation in the disobedience of Allah

Golden Rule

Abdullah (b. Mas'ud) (Allah be pleased with him) reported that Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) said to us: 0 young men, those among you who can support a wife should marry, for it restrains eyes (from casting evil glances) and preserves one from immorality;

but he who cannot afford It should observe fast for it is a means of controlling the sexual desire.

Surah Baqarah 2, Ayat 223Sahih International: Your wives are a place of sowing of seed for you, so come to your place of cultivation however you wish and put forth [righteousness] for yourselves. And fear Allah and know that you will meet Him. And give good tidings to the believers.

Ibn Majah, 1/633Choose carefully for your children; marry the suitable and give in marriage to them

Choosing a Spouse

'Uthman (b. 'Affan) reported it directly from Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him) that he said: A Muhrim should neithermarry (in that state) nor make the proposal of marriage.

Surah Nur 24, Ayat 32Sahih International: And marry the unmarried among you and the righteous among your male slaves and female slaves. If they should be poor, Allah will enrich them from His bounty, and Allah is all-Encompassing and Knowing.

Al-TirmidhiIf a man comes [and asks for your daughter’s hand in marriage] who possess ethical cponduct and religious origin, then marry him [to her]. If you do not, it will be a great trial and mischief on the face of the earth.

Choosing Spouse

'Uqba b. 'Amir said on the pulpit that Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) said: A believer is the brother of a believer, so it is not lawful for a believer to outbid his brother, and he should not propose an engagement when his brother has thus proposed until he gives it up.

Conditions The Husband Choosing Spouse

MajorAkhlaq or Moral ConductReligion

OptionalMeansAppearanceFertilityPiety

Ibn 'Umar (Allah be pleated with them) reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) having said: He who is invited to a wedding feast or like it, he should accept it.

The Wife Choosing Spouse

Major Religion Beauty

Optional Lineage Wealth Pleasure Treasure Fertility Virgin / Youth~fulness

Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: A woman may be married for four reasons: for her property, her status. her beauty and her religion, so try to get one who is religious, may your hand be besmeared with dust.

Back Home Syndrome Choosing Spouse

Need to see the person

Understand if the setting would work

'Abdullah b. Amr reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: The whole world is a provision, and the best object of benefit of the world is the pious woman.

Compatibility Choosing Spouse

Intellectually

Physically

Financially

Spiritually

Morally

Environmentally

PsychologicallyAbu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: A believing man should not hate a believing

woman; if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another.

4- Point Method Choosing Spouse

Istishaarah

Istikhaarah

Determination

Trust

Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) reported: Woman has been created from a rib and will in no way be straightened for you; so if you wish to benefit by her, benefit by her while crookedness remains in her. And if you attempt to straighten her, you will break her, and breaking her is divorcing her.

Characteristics of a Man

Man is a physical being

He relies mostly on things that he can see, hold, touch and feel

His expression is always materialistic

He is always physically attracted

Learns to love a woman who he is physically attracted to

Narrated Ibn 'Umar : The Prophet said, "All of you are guardians and are responsible for your wards. The ruler is a guardian and the man is a guardian of his family; the lady is a guardian and is responsible for her husband's house and his offspring; and so all of you are guardians and are responsible for your wards."

Characteristics of a Woman

Woman is an emotional being

She is more emotionally dependent

She learns to be attracted to a man who she lovesNarrated Ibn 'Umar : The Prophet said, "All of you are guardians and are responsible for your wards. The ruler is a guardian and the man is a guardian of his family;

the lady is a guardian and is responsible for her husband's house and his offspring; and so all of you are guardians and are responsible for your wards."

Rules of Engagement

Adornment

Deception

Desire

Narrated Aisha, Ummul Mu'minin: The Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) said: What is unlawful by reason of consanguinity is unlawful by reason of fosterage.

Reason for Marriage

Half of the Religion Companionship Friendship Security Children Be part of building a Community Fulfill Desire

Marry a best friend who is a lover

Narrated AbuMusa : The Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) said: There is no marriage without the permission of a guardian.

Pre-Requisite Marriage

Bride & Groom

Proposal

Acceptance

Marry a best friend who is a lover'A'isha (Allah be pleased with her) reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: Fosterage makes unlawful what consanguinity

makes unlawful.

Contract Marriage

Wali Sound Mind Adult Free Same religion as the bride Male Should we wise

2 Witness

Announce Marriage :: Ish’har

Marry a best friend who is a lover

Secret Communication Skills A man loves to prove himself by what he produces Men are physically based and women are emotionally based Try to learn each other’s hobbies and interests Women love men who listen Men and Women use different sides of the brain to process information which affects their communication skills Woman looks at the specifics while the man looks at the general picture

Ibn" Abbas (Allah be pleased with thern) reported that Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) said: If anyone amongst you intends to go to his wife he should say: In the name of Allah,0 Allah protect us against Satan and keep away the Satan from the one that you have bestowed upon us, and

if He has ordained a male child for them, Satan will never be able to do any harm to him.

Do’s & Don’t’s Behavior Do stay focused on one answer at a time. Remember change takes time Don’t get defensive. That does not help resolve any issues Do acknowledge your partner’s feelings Don’t use guilt to get your way. It builds resentment and eventually backfires Don’t criticize your spouse in public Do criticize the action or behaviour Don’t dismiss your spouse’s feelings Do listen to your spouse’s concerns and offer to help Don’t give your partner the silent treatment Don’t have a “my way or the highway” attitude Do approach each discussion as a team effort to find solutions Don’t make cruel statements Do take a time out if you feel emotionally charged

Narrated Abdullah ibn Abbas : The Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) said: A guardian has no concern with a woman previously married and has no husband, and an orphan girl (i.e. virgin) must be consulted, her silence being her acceptance.

Rights vs Duties Behavior In judgement day you will be held accountable for your duties not rights

In judgement day Allah will call all the oppressed people to get their rights from the people who did not give it to them

Abu Huraira (Allah he pleased with him) reported Allah's Messenger (may, peace be upon him) as saying: When a man invites his wife to his bed and she does not come, and he (the husband) spends the sight being angry with her, the angels curse her until morning.

Husband’s Duties Financial

Dowry Spending Allowance Accommodation

Abu Sa'id al-Khudri (Allah he pleased with him) reported that Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) said: The most wicked among the people in the eye of Allah on the Day of judgment is the men who goes to his wife and she comes to him, and then he divulges her secret.

Husband’s Duties Non-Financial Duties

Fair division between wives Good treatment

MensesHaving funAwake or sleepHudaybiya ExampleSecretsProtectionPermissionNatureResentmentJealousyRomance

Avoid causing harm

Anas b. Malik reported: When anyone who has already a wife marries virgin, he should stay with her for seven nights (and then turn to his other wife), but when anyone having a virgin with him (as his wife) marries a woman who has been previously married he should stay with her for three nights.

Khalid (one of the narrators) said. If I were to say that it could be directly traced to the Holy Prophet (may peace be upon him).

Wife’s Duties Obedience Serving Make Herself Available Submitting No entry into house of anyone he dislikes Good manner Permission when leaving house

Narrated Abu Huraira : The Prophet said, "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a losers.

Right Children Choose a righteous mother

Narrated 'Aisha : An Ansari woman gave her daughter in marriage and the hair of the latter started falling out. The Ansari women came to the Prophet and mentioned that to him and said, "Her (my daughter's) husband suggested that I should let her wear false hair." The Prophet said, "No, (don't do

that) for Allah sends His curses upon such ladies who lengthen their hair artificially."

Parent’s Duties At Birth Children Tahneek Good Name Shave head Aqeeqah Circumcision

Parent’s Duties Upbringing Children Shepherd over the flock

Lead by example Be the role model

Teaching Important Matters Islamic Aqeedah Good manner

Gradual Teaching Prayer Fasting Hijab Hajj

Train Good Manners Children Protection

Know the companies kept by your children

21 year policy 1st 7 years love and affection 2nd 7 years discipline and teach them 3rd 7 years you become their friend

Spend time now

Miscellaneous Children Spend for the children

Obligation Righteous deed

Reward them

Fair Treatment Treat all child equally

Environment Major role

Children are product of the following (if following is not congenial then change or improve)

Community Environment Friends Halaqa

Miscellaneous Children Responsibility

Parents are responsible for their children as per Allah

Accountability If children are not gradually taught before puberty to pray and good moral behaviour, the parents will be accountable

Children’s Duties Parents Act of Worship Kindness to Parents

After prayer Kindness to parents are considered as the best and then Jihaad

Du’a

Mother Number 1 woman in a Man’s life Number 2 woman is the wife in a man’s life Husband is the number 1 man in a woman’s life

Children’s Duties Parents Act of Worship Kindness to Parents

After prayer Kindness to parents are considered as the best and then Jihaad

Du’a

Mother Number 1 woman in a Man’s life Number 2 woman is the wife in a man’s life Husband is the number 1 man in a woman’s life

M Y O F My Time

Your Time

Our Time

Family Time