and then came cancer

8/14/2019 And then came Cancer

1/79

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2/79

And then came Cancer

Experiencing the Reality of Jesus

Published by

Evidence of Truth Ministries, Inc.P O Box 1, Witmer, PA 17585!!!1 " # A

$ %!1%, Wi&&i'm (. (einrich. A&& )i*hts )eserved.

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3/79

And then came Cancer

Experiencing the Reality of Jesus

This is the story of William "Bill" Heinrich as he weaved hisway through life as a public school teacher, a businessman,

through a broken family, through homelessness, through

diagnosed terminal cancer, to what he is today .... a Bible

teacher and professor.

)ev. +r. Wi&&i'm (. Bi&&- (einrichMS. Ed, MA. Bible, MA. Min, D.Min.

Peo&e in other countries sometimes thin/ th't0hristi'ns in Americ' &ive ver comfort'2&e 'ndtrou2&efree &ives. 3or m'n eo&e th't m' 2etrue, 2ut for m de'r friend, Bi&& (einrich, th't4's h'rd& the c'se. (is testimon, th't 'e'rs

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2e&o4, 4i&& 2're 4itness to th't f'ct. But first, mo2serv'tion

A short time 'fter Bi&& 'nd his f'mi& m'de '

commitment to serve the ord,the rover2i'& 4hee&s 2e*'n to f'&& off the 4'*on's he exerienced one set2'c/ 'nd dis'ster 'fter'nother. #ome of those events 4ereun'void'2&e, some he 'ccets 's 2roducts ofoor erson'& decisions, 'nd others c'me 't theh'nds of eo&e 4ho rofessed to 2e 0hristi'ns.

With the 'ccumu&'ted effect of '&& these events,&ife h'd 2ecome so 'infu& th't he 2ec'mederessed 'nd deser'te.

(e 2e&ieved the ord to 2e ' &ovin*, *ood 'ndc'rin* 6od, 2ut cou&d not underst'nd 4h 6od4's '&&o4in* him to 2e ut into such 'in 'nd

miser. (e 2e**ed for 'ns4ers, 2ut often *oton& si&ence.

In deser'tion, he *ot to the oint 4herehe 4'nted to t'/e his o4n &ife, 2ut then 6odso/e &oud 'nd c&e'r&. The ord 4ou&d not '&&o4th't to h'en 's Bi&& ex&'ins in his testimon

'nd 'uto2io*r'h. In 'n c'se, '&& those eventsreresented ' ver ch'&&en*in* 'nd 'infu& eriodin his &ife. Whi&e most of those issues 4erereso&ved, he 4's to f'ce ' ne4 'nd different2'tt&e, termin'& c'ncer.As if Bi&& h'd not exerienced enou*h

dev'st'tion, 6od '&&o4ed 'nother 2i* 2&o4 tocome into his &ife. A doctor informed him th't 'ro2&em, 4ith 4hich he h'd for m'n e'rs, h'd2een restudied 'nd it 4's no4 identified 's 'nincur'2&e form of c'ncer. eed&ess to s', the

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6/79

PART 1 The Early Years

I 4's 2orn into the home of t4o 4onderfu&, &ovin*6erm'n immi*r'nts, 4ho h'd sett&ed on ' f'rm inuer Buc/s 0ount in southe'sternPenns&v'ni'. The conveed their cu&tur'&herit'*e 'nd v'&ues to me. The 4ere not roneto se'/ of 2ein* 2orn '*'in,- 2ut did insti&& in

me stron* udeo0hristi'n v'&ues. As 'n on&chi&d, I 4's the o29ect of their &ove 'nd 9o= thecentered their &ives 'round me. Our home 4'smodest 'nd, 'ccordin* to income 'ver'*es, 4e4ere oor. #ti&&, the rovided ver 4e&& for me= Icou&d not h've h'd ' 2etter home.

We 'ttended ' &oc'& Mennonite church 4here I&e'rned '2out esus 'nd ho4 much (e &oves me. Iremem2er sin*in* so m'n chi&dren:s hmns, 2utm f'vorite 4's esus oves Me.- In this countrchurch 4ere friends, fe&&o4shi, 'nd ' seci'&

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7/79

#und' schoo& te'cher 2 the n'me of Mi&tone'rs &'ter I, in turn, 4ou&d &e'd m 'rents in 'sinner:s r'er.

Whi&e m 'rents encour'*ed me to stud 'nd to

do 4e&& in schoo&, I h'd ' oor se&fim'*e.6ro4in* u 4ith 6erm'n 'rents, 6erm'n2ec'me m first &'n*u'*e 'nd I found &e'rnin*En*&ish ver difficu&t 4hen enterin* schoo&. If'i&ed first *r'de. Then I ne'r& f'i&ed fourth 'ndsixth *r'des 'nd cou&d not enter co&&e*e re inhi*h schoo&. Eventu'&&, I entered co&&e*e, 2ut

on& 2 *oin* to ' technic'& schoo& first. Whi&estudin* to 2ecome ' te'cher, I '*'in consideredenterin* the ministr, so I 'ttended ' summersession 't ' Bi2&e co&&e*e in ?ir*ini'. There, the'c'demic re@uirements 4ere ver strin*ent.#ome rofessors s'id th't ten ercent of theirstudents received A:s, 4hi&e 'nother ten ercent

f'i&ed. I 4's convinced their *r'din* sstem4ou&d e&imin'te me. I conc&uded th't, 4hi&esomed' I 4ou&d 2ecome ' te'cher, the ministr4's definite& not for me.

B the *r'ce of 6od 'nd m'n h'rd hours ofstud I received m 2'che&or:s 'nd m'ster:s

de*rees in educ'tion from Mi&&ersvi&&e "niversit.Whi&e 4or/in* to4'rd these *o'&s, I discoveredth't I h'd ' mi&d &e'rnin* dis'2i&it. Then Iunderstood 4h I h'd to stud so h'rd 4heneverone e&se 4's on v'c'tion. (o4ever, even

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9/79

of humi&it. These oosin* 2e&ief sstemseventu'&& enh'nced m'rit'& ro2&ems.In 17D m mother 4's di'*nosed 4ith 2re'st

c'ncer. (er 'ssin* 4's ' ver tr'um'tic time for2oth of us, 2ut eseci'&& for 0hristine. #he c'&&eduon the ord for comfort 'nd 4isdom. 6od'ns4ered her re@uest, 4hich &ed to ' muchneeded siritu'& refreshment. (o4ever, 4ith mmother:s 'ssin* c'me the incre'sed dem'nds ofc're needed 2 m e&der& f'ther.

In hindsi*ht, I see th't 4e 2oth c'me to m'rri'*eunre'red. It 4's too much ressure for us,eseci'&& since 4e 4ere 2oth siritu'&&imm'ture. But 4h't cou&d 4e h've done

Reflective thoughts -

We '&& *ro4 u 4ith dre'ms 'nd'sir'tions. (o4 m'n h've 2eenrivi&e*ed to h've the erfect, or '&mosterfect, home settin* on& to find 'nincredi2& difficu&t ro'd some4here in &ifeTod' 4e &ive 4ith horrifin* st'tistics such 's one out of ever three *ir&s 're

sexu'&& mo&ested 2 their 18th

2irthd'.The rise of dru* 'nd '&coho& '2use isover&o'din* hum'n services '*encies inever st'te 'nd the 4'r on overt th't2e*'n in the mid1C!s is ' dism'& f'i&ure.0rime is esc'&'tin* 'nd the mor'&found'tions of the Americ'n cu&ture 're

crum2&in*. The ro2'2i&it of someone notencounterin* one or more of thesetr'*edies in &ife is '&most imossi2&e. Ih've found there 're t4o const'nts- th't4i&& '&4's 2e 4ith us. The first is th't one


10/79


11/79

Americ'n homes. #o for nine e'rs our home 4's'&so home to four 4onderfu& ?ietn'mese teens.We 4'nted to 2e ' first centur 0hristi'n f'mi&in the t4entieth centur. We 4ere tru& 2&essed of

6od.

M interests in educ'tion diminished in &i*ht of 'more ch'&&en*in* 'nd excitin* c'reer 's ' re'&est'te deve&oer 'nd home 2ui&der. B 18! I &eftte'chin* 'nd steed out in f'ith to 2ui&d houses'nd do re'& est'te deve&oment. 3irst, ho4ever,

4e too/ our f'mi& to 3&orid', 4here I 'ttended 'ten4ee/ schoo& for &' ministers. It 4's '2outthis time th't I h'd ' r'dic'& 'nd 'infu& dre'm.In the dre'm,

Our family had taen a tri! to "lorida #here#e #ere staying in a small cabin. $t #as

near the edge of a river in a dense forest."or some reason, in the middle of the night$ decided to run to another nearby cabin toget some oil. $ #ore no shoes or socs as $#ent do#n the clearly #orn dirt !ath.%o#ever, as $ #aled, $ discovered manydeadly snaes along the !ath#ay. $ got the

oil and returned to our cabin #ithoutste!!ing on any of these snaes. %o#ever,

&ust as $ #as about to enter the door, $discovered $ had one in my hand and it bitdee! into my finger. 'he !ain #asincredible as the fangs san dee!er anddee!er into me.

I 4o/e u exh'usted 'nd out of 2re'th. To me ith'd sm2o&ic me'nin*s. I rec'&&ed th't $ had notentered the cabin. The sn'/e 2ite me'nt de'th,the oi& 4's the (o& #irit, the house reresented

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12/79

m &ife 'nd, the f'ct th't I h'd no shoes or soc/sme'nt th't I 4's i&& re'red for the tri. I fe&tth't some4here in m future, the dre'm 4ou&dfind si*nific'nce. itt&e did I /no4 ho4 true this

the sm2o&ism 4ou&d 2ecome.

A&thou*h m ne4 2usiness in re'& est'te *re4'nd 2&essin*s fo&&o4ed, it 4's more excitin* tosee 0hristi'n f'ith 2ecome ' re'&it in the &ives ofour chi&dren. In +ecem2er of 18%, ('ns, 4ho4's nine e'rs o&d, re'ched his first sermon in

church. The fo&&o4in* summer (eidi 'nd 0hristine4ent on ' mission'r tri to Be&iJe. There is &itt&e@uestion th't 4e 4ere more invo&ved in v'riousf'mi& 'ctivities 'nd ministries th'n the tic'&f'mi& 'nd 4e &oved it. This is not to s' there4ere none of the tic'& f'mi& ro2&ems, 2ut inthe over'&& icture, &ife 4's ver *ood.

At this time m 4ife desired to further her 2i2&ic'&tr'inin*. I remem2ered ver 4e&& the 'nointin*she h'd 4hen she r'ed the r'er of he'&in*for me 'nd the other *ifts 4ith 4hich the ord2&essed her. I 4's roud of her 'nd 4hen shedecided to *o to ' Bi2&e schoo&, I urch'sed '

2e'utifu& si&ver 0orvette to *et her there.

#ince m 2usiness h'd 2ecome @uite successfu&, Idecided to diversif. This ne4 2usiness venture4's to 2e ' f'mi& enterrise in 4hich the /ids4ou&d &e'rn some entrereneuri'& s/i&&s. #o Iurch'sed ' sm'&& 2utcher sho 'nd, 4ith the

he& of the /ids 'nd some tr'desmen, I convertedit to 'n ice cre'm sho. It too 4's successfu& 'ndit soon *re4 into ' f'mi& rest'ur'nt.

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13/79

The Academic and Spiritual AssaultIn 18D 0hristine 2e*'n semin'r studies inBeth&ehem, Penns&v'ni'. I thou*ht it 4's ' *oodschoo&, since it 4's founded in the 17G!s 's '

co&&e*e to tr'in men to 2ecome mission'ries tothe &oc'& Indi'ns. I 4's un'4're th't &i2er'&ismh'd infi&tr'ted this historic institution 'nd th't itsdoctrines h'd ch'n*ed consider'2&. It 4's not&on* 2efore she 2e*'n to @uestion the'uthenticit of #criture 'nd 'cceted &i2er'tiontheo&o*, feminist theo&o*, 'nd other modern

te'chin*s touted 's truth. One theo&o*ic'&vie4oint 'fter 'nother, e'ch 2'thed in&i2er'&ism, entered our home. ife 2ec'me verfrustr'tin*.

#he to&d me of the Documentary %y!othesis,theor th't the first five 2oo/s of the O&d

Test'ment h'd not 2een 4ritten 2 Moses, 2ut 2four distinct& different 4riters 'nd these 2oo/s4ere &'ter comi&ed 2 editors. #he s'id this isno4 'cceted 's f'ct.

A&on* 4ith this c'me the theo&o*ic'& oinion th't6od reve'&ed (imse&f to different eo&e *rous

in different 4's throu*hout the centuries. A&&this &e'ds to, in essence, the f'&se 2e&ief th't th't6od sent Muh'mm'd c'me to the Ar'2s, esusc'me to s've the e4s, 'nd other *rous h'dtheir divine reve&'tions. (ence, this /ind ofthin/in* 2e&ieves there 're m'n 4's to 6od.

This theology is indirect contradiction to Jesuss statement inJohn 14:6 where He said, am the way and the truth and the

li!e" #o one comes to the $ather e%ce&t through me"' This

radical anti()i)lical thin*ing was not acce&ta)le to me"

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14/79

Wh't shoc/ed me the most 4's the soc'&&edscho&'r& stud /no4n 's 'he (uest for the%istorical )esus. This monument'& 4or/ 2 A&2ert#ch4eitJer F111 'r*u'2& h's done more to

distort the truth to men 'nd 4omen in semin'rth'n 'n other 2oo/. (is te'chin* serious&@uestions if m'n of the 4ords so/en 2 esus4ere 'ctu'&& so/en 2 (im, 'nd furthermore,#ch4eitJer encour'*ed his re'ders to ch'&&en*esuch vit'& doctrines 's the insir'tion of#criture.

I fe&t th't 0hristine 4's 'ccetin* the 4ords ofher rofessors over the 4ords of #criture 'ndthe mir'c&es the ord h'd erformed in our &ives.#he s'id her rofessors contended th't the h'droof th't much of 4h't esus s'id 4's 'ctu'&& 'second centur 'ddition to the Bi2&e 2 e'r&

0hristi'n coists. I h'd never he'rd of thisnonsense. 0onse@uent&, I did not /no4 ho4 toresond in ' m'nner th't 4ou&d ch'n*e hermind. I 4's 't ' oint of extreme dis'ointment,o2servin* the ch'n*es in her, 2ut un'2&e toersu'de her 2'c/ to the 2i2&ic'& st'nd'rd= th'tis, sim& '&in* the instructions of &ife. I h'd '

*ut fe'r 'nd fee&in* th't she 4's not on& &e'vin*6od, 2ut th't she 4ou&d eventu'&& &e've thef'mi& 's 4e&&.

Wh't she 2e&ieved not on& oosed 4h't I2e&ieved, 2ut '&so 4h't 4's re'ched #und''fter #und' 2 her f'ther durin* her chi&dhood.

In the me'ntime, on #und' mornin*s I 4ou&d sitin church 'nd onder 4h't 4ou&d 2ecome of m&ife= 4h't 4ou&d it 2e &i/e to te'ch the Word of6od to those 4ho 4ere hurtin* &i/e me 'ndneeded to /no4 the re'&it of 0hrist in their &ives.

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15/79

But th't 4's on& ' d'dre'm no4 I h'd re'&issues to f'ce 'nd I did not /no4 ho4 to 'ddressthem.

'ter th't e'r F18D 0hristine deve&oed 'chronic 2'c/ ro2&em. (er &i*ht 4's so 2'd th'tshe cou&d not even 4'&/ u or do4n the stes ofour home 'nd for months she essenti'&& &ived onthe first f&oor. It 4's 4orse th'n 'nthin* 4e h'dever exerienced 'nd '&& of our r'ers f'i&ed to2rin* he'&in*. Wh't 'n ironH e'r& ' dec'de

e'r&ier she h'd r'ed for m 2'c/ 'nd the ordhe'&ed me inst'nt&. o4 she 4's sufferin* everd' 4ith no he'&in* in si*ht.

Reflective thoughts 6od h's ' erfect 4i&& 'nd &'n for e'ch ofus. At times 4e m' 2e convinced 4e 're

fo&&o4in* (is 4i&&, 4hen in f'ct 4e confuseour emotions 4ith (is voice. This c'n 2e in'n 're' of &ifeH d'tin*, 2usiness, ministr,or 4h'tever. This is 4h the 4riter ofProver2s s'id there is 4isdom in mu&ti&ecounse&ors.There 4's ' time 4hen 4e 4ere to&d to

c'refu&& discern mess'*es re'ched to usfrom the 4or&d.- #ecu&'rism h's '&4'sdesired to enetr'te 2oth ud'ism 'nd0hristi'nit. (o4ever, in the 'st centur,'nd in 'rticu&'r, in the 'st fe4 dec'des,m'n 'stors in ev'n*e&ic'& u&its h've2een re'chin* secu&'riJed mess'*es.

The h've '2'ndoned their osition th'tthe Bi2&e is the inf'&&i2&e, inerr'nt, 'ndinsired Word of 6od. The motto Th Wordis Truth- th't once 4's the *uidin* &i*ht for

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16/79

' ?ir*ini' Bi2&e co&&e*e h's 2ecomeirre&ev'nt to its rofessors.

onethe&ess, the 4ords of P'u& 're time&ess

'nd nonne*oti'2&e, A&& #criture is 6od2re'thed 'nd is usefu& for te'chin*,re2u/in*, correctin* 'nd tr'inin* inri*hteousness,so th't the m'n of 6od m'2e thorou*h& e@uied for ever *ood4or/- F% Tim. DH1C17. In the currentcu&tur'& c&im'te of o&itic'& to&er'nce, the

2i2&ic'& recets of our f'ith must not 2ecomromised. We 're to &ove 'nd c're forthose 4ho h've other vie4s, 2ut'2'ndonin* 6od:s directives in order to 2eo&itic'&& or soci'&& to&er'nt is 'ost's.3ortun'te&, 6od ermits "turns 'nd c'&&s4'4'rd sou&s 2'c/ come home.

The Challenge of Tragedies3in'&&, in M' of 18G, 0hristine re'ffirmed hertheo&o*ic'& &i2er'tion- from the f'ith she *re4u 4ith= from the f'ith 4e sh'red to*ether. #heno &on*er considered herse&f to 2e 'n ev'n*e&ic'&,2ut 4's roud to 'ccet the &i2er'&ism of the

m'in&ine semin'ries. Wh't fo&&o4ed surrised2oth of us. #he h'd ' comete nervous2re'/do4nK In ' sin*&e d' she 4ent from 'h' 4ife 'nd ' &ovin* 'nd dotin* mother to '4om'n 4ho 'e'red to 2e 'ssion'te& suicid'&,'nd seemed determined to /i&& herse&f re*'rd&essof the cost. I fe&t th't the *'tes of he&& h'd

oened, the future sudden& &oo/ed 2&e'/, 'nd I4's tot'&& unre'red.

In the me'ntime, since our re'& est'te 2usiness4's *ood, 4e ursued 'n 'ddition'& 2usiness

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17/79

venture 'nd oened ' f'mi& rest'ur'nt F4hich4ou&d rove to 2e ' m'9or mist'/e on m 'rt. I4ondered if her i&&ness 4's ' divine 9ud*ment'*'inst us. (o4 does one ex&'in such horrific

events 3or e'rs she 4'nted me to *o tocounse&in* 'nd I stu22orn& refused o4 I4ondered if I contri2uted to her i&&ness.

One d' she to&d me th't she 4's not fee&in* 4e&&'nd I thou*ht she mi*ht h've the f&u or ' co&d.(o4ever, I 4's shoc/ed 4hen she sho4ed me

r'Jor cuts u 'nd do4n her &eft 'rm. I 4's'2so&ute& stunned 'nd @uic/& *ot her into 'ment'& hosit'& ne'r Phi&'de&hi'. It 4's 9ustimossi2&e to 2e&ieve th't this 2ri*ht 'nd2e'utifu& 4om'n, 4ho h'd once 2een 'nointed'nd fu&& of f'ith, 4's no4 trin* to /i&& herse&f. Inher sirit 'nd emotions there must h've 2een

unim'*in'2&e 'in 'nd 'n*uish. I 4ondered4here it cou&d h've come from. This cou&d not 2eh'enin* to us. Everone 4e /ne4 2e*'nr'in* for her. T4o months &'ter, her doctor to&dme th't she 4's one of the 4orst c'ses he h'dever seen, 2ut th't 4hi&e he 4ou&d do his 2est, Ineeded to m'/e fin'& &'ns.

I cried &i/e ' /id. To this d' I c'n remem2erdrivin* home from Phi&'de&hi' on ' d'r/, r'in,ni*ht 'nd stoin* '&on* the hi*h4' to c'&& hersister in 0&eve&'nd to ex&'in 4h't 4'sh'enin*. The &one&iness 4's *ut4renchin*.The fo&&o4in* d', sti&& crin*, I 4ent to the

#trun/ 3uner'& (ome in Lu'/erto4n 'nd m'dethose fin'& &'ns. I c'n sti&& vivid& remem2er4'&/in* 'st the c's/ets, se&ectin* one, 'ndm'/in* tent'tive &'ns 4hi&e r'in* th't I 4ou&dnever need to use them.

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18/79

The 'in 4's intense, 'nd I r'ed to 6od to he&me 4ith m four 2e'utifu& chi&dren, '*es seven tothirteen. (o4 cou&d these innocent /ids coe 4ith

this I 4's in 'in ossi2& in some form ofshoc/ or deni'&. I cou&d not im'*ine 4h't h'dc'used the sufferin* from 4hich m 4ife 4's'ttemtin* to esc'e. The iron is th't,throu*hout this time of i&&ness, she tried to 2e the2est &ovin* mother she cou&d ossi2& 2e. o*re'ter &ove did 'n 4om'n ever h've for her

chi&dren th'n she h'd. >et she ree'ted&'ttemted to /i&& herse&f, ' 'r'dox th't 2o**&edm mind.

Reflective thoughts -)ef&ectin* uon th't horri2&e time, I no4re'&iJe th't I h'd he'd- /no4&ed*e of 6od

'nd (is Word, 2ut not he'rt- /no4&ed*e.There is ' hu*e difference 2et4een'c'demic'&& /no4in* 6od:s recets 'ndh'vin* them in our he'rt so the 'ffectever 'sect of our &ife. In the 0hristi'n&ife, 4e c'n m'/e d'i& decisions 2'seduon 6od:s divine romises 'nd

comm'ndments. B'c/ then, if the Word of6od h'd 2een in m inner 2ein*, in mch'r'cter, I 4ou&d never h've 'cceted thereort of m 4ife:s condition th't thedoctor h'd *iven to me. I f'i&ed to h've thehe'rt /no4&ed*e- 'nd, 's ' resu&t, I 4's i&&re'red for this ch'&&en*e 'nd suffered '

*re't de'& 'in need&ess&.

Trou2&es, eseci'&& terri2&e 'nd 'infu&ones, c'n m'/e us come to one of t4oconc&usions '2out 6od. We 4i&& either turn

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19/79

'4' from (im or run c&oser to (im. Those4ho h've exerienced tr'um'tic events in&ife or &e*'&istic 'rents 4i&& *o to one ofthese t4o extremes. There 're ver fe4

4ho st' in the midd&e *round.

Those 4ho turn '4' from 6od usu'&& doso for 'n unconscious re'son erh's toinf&ict more 'in uon those 4ho hurt themor sometimes to inf&ict 'in uonthemse&ves. Whether the source 4's their

'rents, ' former souse, or si*nific'ntother, the victim 4i&& re9ect th't 4hich theori*in'tor of the 'in considered mostimort'nt in &ife even if it is f'ith in 6od.(e h's ' re'son for '&&o4in* thin*s toh'en in our &ives. We m' neverunderst'nd (is 4isdom, 2ut 4e sim& h've

to trust (im.

Eventu'&& 0hristine imroved sufficient& tocome home, 2ut she 4's tot'&& medic'ted. In themonths th't fo&&o4ed there 4ere times 4hen sheseemed erfect& 4e&&. At other times she *'ve4' to some terror in the midd&e of the ni*ht.

3riends from church h'd com'ssion 'nd tried tohe& in 'n 4' the cou&d. Others re'd #critureto me 'nd insisted th't if I confessed somehidden sin, she 4ou&d 2e he'&ed. In 'ddition,there 4ere those 4ho s'id m 4ife 4's i&&2ec'use I &'c/ed f'ith for her he'&in*. I 2e*'n tofee& th't 2oth m 2est friends 'nd m 4orst

enemies 4ere in the church. With 0hristi'nfriends &i/e these, 4ho needed enemies I foundmse&f '&one= m'rried, 2ut ' sin*&e 'rent 4ithfour /ids, 4hose &ives 4ere '&so 2ein* torn ''rtone d' 't ' time. I cou&d not im'*ine the

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20/79

'n*uish 'nd inst'2i&it the 4ere endurin*, &et'&one m o4n com&ex emotions 'nd fee&in*s.

Then, one evenin*, 0hristine h'd 'n 'uto

'ccident. I 4ent to *et her 4ith our t4o o&destchi&dren, ('ns 'nd (eidi. #he 4's @uite uset,2ut not in9ured, so 4e 2e*'n our drive home. #heto&d us ho4 sorr she 4's for the 'ccident, sorrto 2e '&ive, 'nd ho4 much 2etter 4e 4ou&d 2e4ithout her. I tried to encour'*e her, 2ut thenshe sudden& tried to 9um out of the c'r 4hi&e

4e 4ere tr've&in* the seed &imit of 55 mh,ne'r& c'usin* 'nother 'ccident. I then decidedto t'/e her to the ment'& 4'rd 't 6r'ndvie4(osit'&, 4hich 4's much c&oser to our home. Enroute I cou&d h'rd& /ee her in the c'r, unti& the/ids fi*ured out th't the cou&d unscre4 the door&oc/, thus tr'in* her in the front se't. Wh't

'in 'nd insecurit the /ids must h've fe&t. ('d Inot 2een so invo&ved 4ith m 'in, I cou&d h've2een the f'ther I needed to 2e. i/e4ise,0hristine h'd dee emotion'& '*onies th't Isim& cou&d not im'*ine. Even 4ith her s/e4edersective of &ife, she deser'te& tried to 2e the2est mother she cou&d ossi2& 2e. (er &ove 'nd

dedic'tion 4's never @uestioned.

3in'&&, she 4's 2'c/ in the hosit'&. +rivin*home in the &one& ni*ht, I 4ondered, 6od, 4hdon:t ou 'ns4er r'ers- I remem2ered ohn17 4here esus r'ed for (is s'ints. +id 6od'ns4er esus: r'er Then I he'rd the voice of

one of the chi&dren 's/in*, +'dd, 4h doesMomm 4'nt to die- Wh't does one te&& 'te'rfu& chi&d An 4ords I cou&d s' 4ou&d 2ein'de@u'te. I fe&t 6od h'd '2'ndoned me=dis'e'red 4ithout ' tr'ce. P'infu& emotions

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21/79

c&ouded m thin/in* 'nd I fe&t &i/e I 4's in ' c'*eof '*oniJin* 'in from 4hich there 4's noesc'e. I /ne4 th't m 4ife 'nd /ids 4ere indistress 2ut I h'rd& /ne4 ho4 to h'nd&e m o4n

needs, &et '&one theirs. 6oin* to s&ee 't ni*ht4's he&&= I never /ne4 the ni*hts cou&d 2e so d'r/'nd these d'r/ ni*hts of m sou& never seemedto h've ' romise of sunrise. I 4ou&d cr, Where're ou 6od-

Reflective thoughts

+id she re'&& *o from ' h' 4ife 'nd&ovin*, dotin* mother to 2ecomin* 'suicid'& 4om'n in ' sin*&e d' At the timeit cert'in& seemed th't 4' to me. Butno4, 's ' counse&or, I underst'nd th'tthere 4ere numerous si*n'&s, 4hich I f'i&edto reco*niJe. 3urthermore, I must confess

th't she 's/ed me m'n times to *o tocounse&in* 4ith her 'nd I 4's too stu22ornto *o. >et, I @uestion if counse&in* 4ou&dh've m'de 'n difference. When I fin'&&did *o, m counse&or s'id o.- But h'd I*one, 't &e'st I 4ou&d h've 2een the /inder'nd *ent&er hus2'nd th't she needed.

The @uestion of 4h- must 2e one of themost cri&in* @uestions th't onders thehum'n mind. When the most unim'*in'2&eevents occur in one:s &ife, it is ro2'2& oneof the first @uestions to come to mind. Theun'ns4ered @uestion c'n &e've ' ment'&

v'cuum 'nd &ife 2ecomes une's unti& thev'cuum is fi&&ed. "nfortun'te&, it is ' trite@uestion. Most of the times, no one 4i&&ever /no4 the 'ns4er. 3urthermore, if oudid /no4 the 'ns4er, 4h't difference 4ou&d

!1


22/79

it m'/e oneK Therefore, it is ' @uestionfor 6od to 'ns4er if (e chooses to. 3orno4, &ife must *o on, other4ise, theun'ns4ered 4h- 4i&& 2ecome 'n

emotion'& 'nd ment'& cri&in* '*ent. Isn:tit interestin* th't esus never mentionedthe su29ect of un'ns4ered r'ers (e4's '&4's cert'in th't r'ers 4ou&d 2e'ns4ered. Pr'er is '2out 4h't 6od 4'nts,not 4h't 4e 4'nt. Then our needs 'rementioned. Th't is ' *ood &esson to

remem2er.

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23/79

PART 2 More Challenges

In the next five e'rs m 4ife sent some G5!d's in five different ment'& he'&th suortinstitutions. +octors tried everthin* from dru*s

to e&ectric shoc/ ther'. Bec'use nothin*4or/ed, I 4's const'nt& fe'rfu& of somed'findin* her de'd. In one e'r '&one she destroedfour c'rs. T4ice I ic/ed her out of ' 2&oodied 2ed'nd rushed her off to ' hosit'&. 6ener'&&thou*h, she 4's so he'vi& sed'ted th't she 4'sh'rm&ess. We so&d the 0orvette 'nd urch'sed '

c'mer, hoin* th't more f'mi& time to*ether4ou&d 4or/. It didn:t. Occ'sion'&&, 4hen herhe'&th imroved, I thou*ht m r'ers 4ere'ns4ered. (o4ever, m otimism 4's '&4'sfo&&o4ed 2 ' *re'ter dis'ointment. I cou&dn:tunderst'nd 4h I h'd exerienced such 'nincredi2&e mir'c&e of he'&in* in 17G 'nd no4 &ife

4's tot'& 'in 'nd ch'os. Th't divine he'&in*seemed &i/e ' dist'nt dre'm. +idn:t our f'mi& doeverthin* ri*ht +idn:t 4e serve 6od 's 2est 's4e cou&d

My Father Passed AwayAmidst the dev'st'tin* turmoi& in m &ife 4ith m

4ife:s i&&ness, in Au*ust of 18G, m f'ther'ssed '4'. This monument'& &oss of m4onderfu& d'd 'e'red on& 's ' sm'&& 2&im onthe emotion'& r'd'r screen th't ref&ected thecontinuous fier d'rts of #'t'n 't m f'mi&, 'nd

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24/79

't m 4ife in 'rticu&'r. I 4's th'n/fu& th't in his&'st d's I 4's '2&e to r' the sinner:s r'er4ith him 'nd /no4 th't somed' I 4i&& see him'*'in.

Reflective thoughts I remem2er the d's, 4hen 's ' oun*chi&d, I 4or/ed 4ith m d'd in his 4or/sho2ui&din* furniture. Other times 4e 4ou&d 2eto*ether 4or/in* the f'mi& f'rm. Iremem2ered the stories from his chi&dhood,

to&d in 6erm'n, 'nd ho4 difficu&t &ife 4's'fter Wor&d W'r I. As 'n on& chi&d, I 4's2&essed to 2e the reciient of their seci'&&ove.

A son* 4riter once 4rote, When the2i&&o4s ro&& it is 4e&& 4ith m sou&.- We&&,

the rover2i'& se' 2i&&o4s 4ere ro&&in*throu*h m &ife c'usin* *re't h'voc, 'in,'nd '2so&ute& nothin* 4's 4e&& 4ith msou&. M confidence in 6od 4's 2ein*ch'&&en*ed 'nd I &oo/ed more 't thecircumst'nces th'n to 6od. It 4ou&d h've2een e's to s' th't 6od 4's the 'nchor

of m &ife, 2ut 4hen d's 2ec'me 4ee/s'nd 4ee/s 2ec'me months 'nd months2ec'me e'rs, I cried out 6od, 4here 'reou- >et in m 'in I /ne4 (e 4's there some4here 4hich comounded mro2&emH 6od, if ou 're there For here,4h don:t ou do somethin*- #ometimes

4e don:t *et the 'ns4ers 4e exect, 2ut4e *et the 'ns4ers 4e need. A*'in, 's theson* 4riter once s'id,

'hough Satan should buffet,

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25/79

'hough trials should come, Let this blest assurance control. 'hat *hrist has regarded myhel!less estate,

And hath shed %is o#n blood formy soul. + $t is #ell #ith my soul-

My Daughter MolestedWhi&e m 2usinesses 4ere successfu&, f'mi&ro2&ems over4he&med me. Therefore, I

em&oed ' trusted f'mi& 'c@u'int'nce, 4hom Ish'&& c'&& Tom,- to 2e m forem'n. (e @uic/&demonstr'ted th't he 4's 'n 'ns4er to r'er'nd 'n incredi2&e 2&essin*. (e 4's deend'2&e,s/i&&ed in '&& h'ses of home construction, 'ndm'de cert'in '&& 4or/ erformed 2su2contr'ctors 4's @u'&it 'nd com&eted on

time. (e 4's definite& the /ind of oun* m'n'n em&oer 4'nted. It 4's h'rd to im'*ine ho4I h'd ever *otten '&on* 4ithout him. (o4ever,'fter sever'& months on the 9o2, one d' mnei*h2or informed me th't Tom h'd mo&ested hisd'u*hter, 's 4e&& 's mine the revious evenin*.

I 4's extreme& 'n*r 'nd 2itter 'nd I cou&d notim'*ine ho4 m d'u*hter fe&t. In m 'n*er Ir'ed for e'ce 'nd 4isdom. The ne4s stressed0hristine so 2'd& th't she ended u in thehosit'& for 'nother t4o 4ee/s. I 4'nted to ressch'r*es 4ith the o&ice, 2ut 0hristine insistedother4ise. I sent Tom 2'c/ home to I&&inois, 2ut

to this d' I re*ret not c'&&in* the o&ice. After he&eft I entered his ''rtment 'nd 4's surrised 'this hu*e co&&ection of orno*r'hic m'*'Jines.Who 4ou&d ever h've thou*ht th't this oun*m'n, ' re'cher:s /id, 4ho sent ' e'r in Bi2&e

!5


26/79

co&&e*e, 4ou&d ever do such ' thin* o m'tter4h't I tried to do, m erson'& &ife seemed to 2ef'&&in* ''rt. #o I &oo/ed for ' &'ce 4heresuccess cou&d 2e found.

A New estaurantI h'd the oortunit to se&& the rest'ur'nt 'nd2u ' &'r*er, historic one. The fin'nci'& recordsindic'ted th't this 4's 'n oortunit not to 2emissed. I h'd '&4's en9oed the ch'&&en*e of '2usiness, 's much, if not more, th'n the fin'nci'&

re4'rds. I sti&& remem2er the d' I stood '&on*the side of this 2e'utifu& e'r& 18th centur inn,&oo/ed 'cross the t4e&ve'cre me'do4 4ith thestre'm, 'nd thou*ht 4h't ' 2&essin* thisrest'ur'nt 4ou&d 2e. (o4ever, ' voice insidec&e'r& indic'ted th't I 4's not to 2u it. Anintern'& 'r*ument ensued. (o4 cou&d this

urch'se not 2e ' *ood investment The fin'nci'&num2ers &oo/ed so *ood. In time, I re'&iJed th't Ishou&d h've &istened. This 4's not ' *ooddecision.

Reflective thoughts A&& too often 4e 2&'me the devi& or others

for our 2'd decisions. Whi&e those t4oinf&uences cert'in& do enter everone:s &ifeon occ'sion, confession of errors is 'simort'nt 's confession of sin. In this c'se,the fin'nci'& num2ers &oo/ed so *oodindic'tin* it 4's 'n oortunit not to 2emissed. (o4ever, in time I re'&iJed th't I

shou&d h've &istened to th't inner voice.The rest'ur'nt turned into ' fin'nci'&dis'ster. Often it is not the 4e'/nesses of 'm'n th't often 2rin*s him do4n, 2ut hisstren*ths. M stren*th 4's m demise,

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27/79

'nd underst'ndin* this *ives ' deth ofme'nin* to the hr'se, M stren*th is inthe ord- FPs. %8H7= Is'. 1%H%= ('2. DH1.

My Dying !ncleOne d' I received ' hone c'&& from m unc&e ine4 >or/ 0it 's/in* me to visit him 's soon 'sossi2&e. We 4ere not ver c&ose, 2ut I 4ent'n4', re'&iJin* the c'&& 4's ur*ent. I @uic/&discovered th't he 4's din* of c'ncer 'nd, sinceI 4's next of /in, I h'd to t'/e c're of him. M &ife

4's fi&&ed 4ith ' ch'otic 'r'dox. M 4ife s'idshe found ' ne4 freedom in her f'ith, 2ut 4'ntedto die, 4hi&e m unc&e 4's ' committed 'theist'nd 4'nted to &ive.

Once ' 4ee/ I drove ' hundred mi&es to e4 >or/'nd visited him in his ''rtment or 't ennox (i&&

(osit'&, then returned to see m 4ife in herhosit'&, 'nd returned home &'te 't ni*ht, 'fterthe /ids h'd *one to 2ed 2 themse&ves. Thehoe th't 0hristine mi*ht somed' recover,come home, c're for our chi&dren, 'nd th't 4ecou&d once '*'in h've ' sem2&'nce of norm'&c's ' f'mi&, 4's *one.

I 4ou&d *o in their rooms 't ni*ht to 2&ess them'nd 4onder 4h't their &ives 4ou&d 2ecome.#eein* the te'rs on their s&eein* chee/s 4'smore th'n I cou&d h'nd&e. I cried out to 6od,Where 're ou- The 'in 4's so *re't th't Isensed no 'ns4er. This 4ent on for months 'nd

then e'rs. In the midst of 'in, m siritu'& si*ht4's cri&ed 'nd time 2ec'me end&ess. ife fe&tso incredi2& &one& 'nd it seemed th't no2odc'red. >et 6od 4's there. I 9ust did not sense (isresence.

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28/79

When I 2&essed 'nd r'ed for m s&eein*d'u*hter, I remem2ered her mission'r tri toBe&iJe. I 4ondered if she 4ou&d ever 4'nt to 2e in

0hristi'n service '*'in. Or 4ou&d the 'in of &ife2e too much for her I 4ondered if m son ('ns 4ho re'ched his first sermon 4hen he 4's on&nine e'rs o&d 4ou&d 4'nt to fo&&o4 the ord:sc'&&in* in his &'ter e'rs Then there 4's Wi&he&m4ho &oved M'tch2ox c'rs 'nd 4'nted to 2e 'nen*ineer. Wou&d he m'/e it 3in'&&, the

oun*est 4's 0hristi'n. (e 9ust 4'nted to 2e '/id 'nd &'. (o4 cou&d chi&dhood innocence 2et'/en from e'ch of them throu*h these tr'*iccircumst'nces (o4 cou&d 6od &et this h'enBut '*'in, there 4's to 2e no resonse to mr'ers.

Reflective thoughts If ou ever s4'm in ' river 'nd for 'moment 4ondered 4hich 4' 4's u, thenou re'&iJed the fe'r 'nd concern one c'nh've 'nd ho4 imort'nt it is not to 'nic. Ih'rd& /ne4 4hich 4' 4's u. On theoutside I m' h've &oo/ed c'&m, 2ut m

sirit 4's ne'r& dro4nin* in 'in 'ndfrustr'tion. In such times 's these, onen'tur'&& tends to focus on the in4'rd 'in.But the chi&dren 4ere '&so h'vin* theirissues. The st'2i&it of ' &ovin* t4o'renthome, 4hich the needed 'nd 0hristine 'ndI 4'nted to rovide, 4's sh'ttered.

Everone in the f'mi& h'd 'in, confusion,'nd frustr'tion.

It is in times 's these, 4hen he'rt'che 'nd&oss 'e'rs to /i&& our sou&, th't 4e c'n

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29/79

identif 4ith the 2i2&ic'& fi*ure 2 the n'meof o2. Whi&e I /no4 I m'de some errors in9ud*ment, o2 suffered immense& eventhou*h he 4's 'n extreme& 4e'&th 'nd

ri*hteous m'n 4ho honored 6od 'nd 4's/ind to others.

In this 2i2&ic'& n'rr'tive, the @uestionre'ders 're confronted 4ith is, Where isthe 9ustice of 6od 4hen the innocentsuffer- The f'ct is th't 6od is sti&& 6od.

Whi&e 6od is 9ust, 4e &ive in 'n un9ust 4or&d.We 're free mor'& '*ents 4ho h've theoortunit to do 4h't is ri*ht or 4h't is4ron*. ?'rious decisions 'nd 'ctions 4e'nd others m'/e inf&uence our &ives,sometimes to the oint 4here 4e fee& '&& ishoe&ess 'nd on& ' d'r/ future &ies 2efore

us.

The Bi2&e never romises 'none ' rose*'rden. Persecution 'nd h'rd times 'reromised for the 2e&ievers. >et 6od 4i&&never &e've us or fors'/e us F)om'ns 8H18D. At times (e 4i&& de&iver us from horrific

events 'nd other times (e 4i&& 2e 4ith us's 4e exerience them.

In *ood times 'nd 2'd, 4e 're to r'ise6od for 4ho (e is, 6od. We do not r'ise(im 2ec'use of the difficu&ties, 2ut for thef'ct th't 4ith esus 4e 're more th'n

con@uerors F)om. 8H%8. Even if 4e do notfee& &i/e 4e 4'nt to r'ise (im, &i/e +'vid,4e m' h've to encour'*e ourse&ves tor'ise (im. We 're not to m'/e decisions'ccordin* to our fee&in*s, 2ut to &ive 2 (is

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30/79

romises th't is, to '& 6od:s romisesto our &ives. Th't is c'&&ed f'ith in 'ction.The imort'nce to /ee ' 'ssion'te focuson esus, r'ther th'n on our ro2&ems,

c'nnot 2e overst'ted. Even if our ro2&ems're not 's severe 's 4h't o2 exerienced,stressfu& events of ' &o4er de*ree 'e'rto 2e insurmount'2&e 4hen 4e 're in themidst of them.

Eventu'&&, 'fter c'&m 'nd e'ce 're

restored, 4e c'n &oo/ 2'c/ 4ith %!N%!hindsi*ht 'nd see 4here 6od intervened.As ' resu&t, 4e 4i&& 2ecome stron*er2e&ievers 4ho c'n he& others 4ith theirch'&&en*es. The mi*ht 2e dro4nin* in 'river of ro2&ems 'nd ou c'n then sh're4ith them the &ife reservers of 6od:s

romises. Oh ho4 I no4 4ish I h'd '&4's&ived th't 4'K

"ife was too #ardOne of those tris to e4 >or/ 4's eseci'&&2'd. After 'n exh'ustin* d' in the 2i* dirt cit I4's on m 4' home 'nd @uic/& *ot stuc/ in

he'v tr'ffic. After 4'itin* 'nd 4'itin* 'nd*ettin* no4here, I decided to 'r/ m c'r 'ndt'/e ' 4'&/. ife 4's ' torment 'nd I 4's re'dto *ive u= I 4'nted to *ive u. ife sim& 4'snot 4orth '&& this 'in 'nd miser. I cou&d see no4' out. I 4's tr'ed. #udden& the thou*htc'me to me th't I cou&d 9ust h've ' f&in* 4ith one

of the side4'&/ *ir&s, 9um in the ne'r2 river,'nd th't 4ou&d end m torment. +e'th to munendin* he'rt'ches sounded so s4eet 'ndenticin*. Whenever one is re'd to *ive u, #'t'nis '&4's there 4ith 'n 'ttr'ctive 'ns4er 'nd it

+0


31/79

4i&& '&4's 2e destructive. I h'd not 4'&/ed f'r'nd there 4's ' teen'*e rostitute. We stood'&on* the side4'&/ 'nd t'&/ed for ' fe4 minutes.#he s'id she h'd 2een from ' 0hristi'n f'mi& in

Io4', 2ut she h'd run '4' 2ec'use of theconf&ict 'nd 'in in her f'mi&. Immedi'te&, her4ords ierced m he'rt. I thou*ht of m (eidi'nd the 2os 't home. Then she &oo/ed 't me'nd 's/ed, Are ou ' 0hristi'n-

o,- I 'ns4ered. I 4's.-

I cou&d not 2e&ieve 4h't I h'd s'idK With thosesh'mefu& 4ords, I turned 'nd 4'&/ed to m c'r.(er 4ords cut &i/e ' /nife, 2ut mine cut deeer. Ireented of the incredi2&e sin of denin* m ord.I 4et 2itter&. Even thou*h I /ne4 the ordfor*'ve me th't ni*ht, it too/ ten e'rs unti& I

cou&d sh're th't horrendous event 4ith 'n2od.It is one thin* to re'd the 2i2&ic'& 'ccount of Peter'nd his deni'& of esus. It is 'nother to exerience' simi&'r 'ccount 'nd the &ovin* redemtion th'tfo&&o4ed. In site of 6od:s &ove, it 4's difficu&t forme to for*ive mse&f.

#oon m unc&e h'd imroved in he'&th 'nd, sinceI h'd '&re'd moved his 4ife into one of m''rtments in Penns&v'ni', I 4's re'd to movehim '&so. The d' I 4ent to the hosit'& in e4>or/ 0it to *et him, he died.

My $reatest Anger

In site of everthin* th't 4's *oin* on, m re'&est'te 2usiness *re4. I too/ on ' fin'nci'&'rtner, 4ho I sh'&& refer to 's 'c/.- (e h'd2een introduced to me 2 his 'stor 2ec'use 4eh'd common 2usiness interests. We soon 2ec'me

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32/79

*ood friends. After sever'& e'rs, he 4's '&so mshou&der to cr on,- durin* m 4ife:s suicide'ttemts.

0hristine imroved throu*hout 188 'nd thefo&&o4in* e'r. I &oo/ed for4'rd to ce&e2r'tin* our%!th 4eddin* 'nnivers'r in M' of 18. It 4'sexcitin* to see her deve&o ' fresh out&oo/ on &ifeeven thou*h 4e 4ere mi&es ''rt theo&o*ic'&&. Ih'd f'ith th't, in time, 4e cou&d come to*etheron these issues. We decided to send ' seci'&

4ee/end 't ' 2e'utifu& se'side resort. It 4'sthere 0hristine to&d me she 4's fi&in* for divorce.ust 4hen I 4's r'isin* 6od for her he'&in*, m&ife 2ec'me he&& '&& over '*'in. o4 chest 'ins'dded to the discomfort of ' &im th't h'drecent& deve&oed in m &eft &e*.

The 'nnouncement of the endin* divorce ut'c/ into ' 'nic. I h'd trusted him 'nd 2e&ievedth't he &e*'&& recorded '&& 'rori'tedocuments ert'inin* to our re'& est'te m'ttersin the count courthouse. (o4ever, much to msurrise, I discovered he h'd not done so. (e 4'sm c&osest friend 'nd /e fin'nci'& 'rtner. I

2e&ieved his 4ord 4's his 2ond, since he 4's '&soon the fin'nce committee of his church, 'osition th't re@uired inte*rit 'nd mor'&ch'r'cter. (o4ever, he h'd no desire to he& me4ith m ment'&& i&& 4ife or m chi&dren, 2ut on&to secure his fin'nci'& *'in. #ince I h'd &'cedcom&ete trust in him concernin* fin'nces, he

@uic/& 2oxed me in, *ivin* me no fin'nci'&mo2i&it to s've m home 'nd re'& est'teinvestments.

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33/79

One d' I visited him, &iter'&& /ne&t 2efore him onhis *'r'*e f&oor, 'nd 2e**ed him not to ut me in2'n/rutc. (e &'u*hed 'nd 's/ed for m'nti@ue tr'in set F' chi&dhood *ift from m

'rents, since he 4's 'n 'vid tr'in co&&ector. Icou&d not 2e&ieve his ch'n*e in ch'r'cter, et Ih'd foo&ish& i*nored ' 4'rnin* si*n. 'c/ h'd '@uiet, 2ut &ucr'tive, ho22 of co&&ectin* 'ndse&&in* r're tr'ins on 4hich he did not ' t'xes.If he h'd 2een deceitfu& to the *overnment, 4h4ou&d I exect him to 2e honest 4ith me I h'd

chosen to 2e 2&ind.

Eventu'&&, 'c/ dem'nded usurious interestr'tes of 55 'nd C! ercent. >e'rs &'ter, in 2i2&ic'&studies, I &e'rned th't the (e2re4 root 4ord forsn'/e2ite- is the s'me 's for usur.- Wordsc'nnot descri2e the h'tred 'nd 2itterness I h'd

for him. As ' 'rtner I h'd he&ed him e'rnhundreds of thous'nds of do&&'rs. This m'nrided himse&f on his 0hristi'n f'ith, his ositionof nonvio&ence,- 'nd his mem2ershi in 'e'ce- denomin'tion, 2ut he did not c're th'the 4's destroin* ' f'mi& home for his fin'nci'&*'in. M h'tred *re4 so intense th't one ni*ht I

found mse&f in front of his house &'nnin* hismurder. On& 2 the *r'ce of 6od he is not de'd'nd I 'm not sentenced to &ife in rison or onde'th ro4. Ironic'&&, once '*'in, those 4ho2ec'me m 4orst enemies 4ere the mostesteemed mem2ers in the church.

I /ne4 th't m thou*hts of h'te 'nd ven*e'nce4ere 4ron*, et m emotions 4ere so stron* th'tthe consumed me. I cou&d not s&ee 't ni*ht for I4's tormented const'nt& 2 'c/:s *reed forhi*h interest r'tes, m chi&dhood to tr'in, his

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&'u*hter, 'nd the 2ro/en trust. I /et te&&in*mse&f th't I shou&d h've reco*niJed the 4'rnin*si*ns, 2ut no4 it 4's too &'te, I 4's 'in* theen'&t. In 'ddition, he eventu'&& dem'nded

some of m roerties 't ' discounted rice,-4hi&e the s'&es tr'ns'ction st'ted re'& m'r/etv'&ue. In this m'nner he 4's '2&e to se&& theroerties 4ith &itt&e or no rofit 'nd there2'void income t'xes. #ince I 4's fin'nci'&&tr'ed, I h'd no choice 2ut to '*ree 4ith him. It4's ure fr'ud 'nd I 4'nted to /i&& him.

+e'&in* 4ith 'c/ 4's m 2i**est siritu'&stru**&e. It is trite to s' th't I needed to for*ivehim. I fe&t so vio&'ted th't 4ords f'i&. An*er th't*ro4s to h'tred 'nd then 2itterness is 'ro&on*ed m'nner of emotion'& 'nd siritu'&suicide. +' in 'nd d' out I 4ou&d find mse&f

cursin* him, on& to reent &'ter. I h'ddetermined to for*ive him, re*'rd&ess of ho4 Ife&t. There 're no 4ords th't c'n exress mdifficu&t in for*ivin* this church tre'surer. Thehe'&in* rocess did not t'/e months, 2ut e'rs.In 17G m he'&in* h'd come @uic/& inst'nt&,2ut this he'&in* 4's ' &on* 'nd 'rduous rocess

ver &on*. Eventu'&&, I 4's he'&ed from 'n*er'nd 2itterness to4'rd him 2ec'use I continuous&'s/ed 6od to for*ive 'nd 2&ess 2oth of us. In therocess, m emotions 'nd 'ttitudes 4ere '&sohe'&ed 2 the unf'thom'2&e &ove, merc, 'ndhe'&in* *r'ce of A&mi*ht 6od. 3rom thisexerience, I cou&d h've 4ritten ' 2oo/ on 4h

one must not 2e ' 0hristi'n, 2ut I chose to 4rite'2out esus.Reflective thoughts ust 2ec'use ou h've 'n en9o'2&e4or/in* re&'tionshi 4ith someone does not

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me'n he or she is ' friend. We mist'/ecom'ti2i&it 'nd common *o'&s forfriendshi. Whi&e these m' 2e e&ements offriendshi, the under&in* e&ement of

friendshi is 4hether one c'res for theother:s 2est 4e&f're. To &i/e someone-mi*ht 2e trivi'& friendshi, the first ste of2ecomin* true 'nd c&ose friends. Truefriendshi t'/es time to 2ui&d. Prover2sGH%D s's, Above all else, guard yourheart, for it is the #ells!ring of life.-

In 'n incre'sin*& techno&o*ic'& 4or&d, truefriendshis 're r're. 3riendshi me'nsidentit in thou*ht, he'rt, 'nd sirit. A c&osefriendshi 'nd re&'tionshi 4ith one:ssouse is ' microcosm of the &overe&'tionshi 4e 're to h've 4ith esus. A&&

too often 4e receive (is 2&essin*s 'nd/no4 of (im, 2ut do not /no4 (imerson'&&. It is (is *re'test 9o 4hensomeone 4'nts to come c&oser to (im.

#ooner or &'ter 4e '&& fee& the hurt 'nddis'ointment of someone 4e resected,

&oved, or trusted 4ho 2etr'ed us. An*erm' 2urn 4ithin, 2ut even if it is 9ustified,4e 're to for*ive. To for*ive is not to s'th't the event never h'ened, 2ut on&th't ou 4i&& not ho&d ' 'rticu&'r ch'r*e'*'inst him or her. either doesfor*iveness me'n th't &e*'& conse@uences

4i&& 2e 'voided. It me'ns th't ou 's/ 6odnot to 9ud*e him or her, 2ut, r'ther, ouh've chosen to r' 6od:s 2&essin* uonthe vio&'tor inste'd. The 4ord 2&essin*- inthis context cou&d me'n s'&v'tion, e'ce,

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or 'n num2er of thin*s the ersondeser'te& needs from 6od.

The rocess of r'in* for someone &i/e

th't is ver difficu&t. It is ' m'tter ofr'in* '*'inst our emotions 'ndeverthin* ou fee&, eseci'&& if thevio&'tion suffered is severe. >ou m' fee&&i/e ' hocrite r'in* for for*iveness4hen, in f'ct, ou mi*ht 4'nt to str'n*&eth't erson. This /ind of r'er is tru& '

s'crifice of the hi*hest de*ree, 2ec'useou stru**&e to tr'nsform our mind toconform to 6od:s 4i&&, even thou*h ouremotions te&& ou other4ise F)om. 1%H1%.3or*ivin* eo&e 4ho h've hurt ou is our*ift to them. 3or*ettin* those eo&e 4hoh've hurt ou is our *ift to ou. In time,

the for*ivin* emotions 4i&& deve&o. It m'not 2e e's or @uic/, 2ut 't the end, ou4i&& 2e 2&essed.

6od does not m'/e 'none thin/ or 'ct &i/eesus did. We must choose to do soourse&ves. Our ide's, thou*hts, r'ers 'nd

'ctions shou&d conform to the o2edience of6od. This is ho4 our hum'n n'ture orch'r'cter is tr'nsformed into the im'*eFdivine n'ture or ch'r'cter of 6od.

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PART 3 My %orld &mplodes' (ut there is#ope

B the summer of 1! the divorce 4's

com&ete, m ex4ife h'd moved out 'nd I 4'strin* to m'int'in ' home for the /ids 's &on* 's Icou&d. The too 4ere under he'v stress, much of4hich 4's c'used 2 m mist'/es 'nd memotions th't 4ere re'd to come to the surf'ce't ' moment:s notice. 0hest 'ins 4eredeve&oin* 'nd I fe'red ' he'rt 'tt'c/. (o4ever,

m doctor s'id the chest 'ins 4ere stressre&'ted 'nd th't I needed to re&e'se everthin*'nd concentr'te on surviv'&. The ne4s did notseem to he&. The 2'n/rutc 4's comin* uonme &i/e ' m'ssive d'r/ c&oud 'nd it 4's evidentth't everthin* 4ou&d soon 2e &ost. The on&4inner 4's 'c/. The f'mi& f'rm ' 17D% &o*

'nd stone f'rmhouse, '&on* 4ith some DC otherroerties, 4ere eventu'&& &ost. Everthin* th'tm 'rents 'nd I h'd ever 4or/ed for *one.

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>et, I h'd to 2e honest 4ith mse&f. As the c&ichs's, decisions determine destin,- 'nd m &oss4's the resu&t of m decisions. 'c/ 4's not theon& re'son I shou&d never h've urch'sed the

second rest'ur'nt 'nd I never shou&d h'vetrusted him. >et, even if I h'd not urch'sed it,everthin* 4ou&d ro2'2& h've *one south.

M 2&ood ressure 4's s/ hi*h. M 'ttorne 'ndI discussed ' ossi2&e &'4suit. (o4ever, I h'dtrou2&e de'&in* 4ith the issue of t'/in* 'nother

2rother of the f'ith to court. T4o 'stors Iresected 'dvised me th't 'c/ 4's 2 no me'ns' 2rother, 's roven 2 the fruit- of his &ife.(o4ever, I decided to tr to sett&e the m'tter in '2i2&ic'& m'nner. I 4ent to him riv'te& 'nd 's/edhim to do 4h't 4's ri*ht. With ' microc'ssetterecorder hidden in m oc/et, I t'ed three

convers'tions 'nd ever time 'c/ 'dmitted th't4h't he 4's doin* to me 4's 4ron*, 2ut s'idth't he h'd to rotect his investment.

#ti&&, 4e '*reed to tr to reso&ve our differences in' 2i2&ic'& m'nner. #ince ' riv'te convers'tion2et4een us did not roduce resu&ts, 4e 's/ed

sever'& resected mem2ers of the church to*'ther to 2e the 9ud*es. (o4ever, 'c/:s stor tothem in u2&ic 4's @uite different. A&& of thesemen 4ere from ' tr'dition'& e'ce-denomin'tion, 4hich re'ched nonvio&ence 'ndno mi&it'r service. The reco*niJed the conf&ict2et4een 'c/ 'nd me, et refused to m'/e '

decision invo&vin* conf&ict. Wh't ironK 3in'&&, Idecided to fi&e ' &'4suit.

I *'ve m 'ttorne '&& the necess'r documents'nd the t'e recordin*s concernin* our re'&

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est'te ro9ects. (e 4ou&d h've 2een de&i*hted tot'/e the c'se to court 4ith his on& fee 2ein* 'ercent'*e of the fin'& '4'rd. (o4ever, 's 'friend 'nd true rofession'&, he s'id th't such '

tri'& 4ou&d 2e f'r more stressfu& th'n 4h't I'&re'd 4's exeriencin*. (e @uestioned if itre'&& 4ou&d 2e in m 2est interest to roceed. (eh'd ' he'rtfe&t concern for me. 3urthermore, mt'e recordin*s vio&'ted feder'& 4iret' &'4s 'nd,hence, cou&d not 2e used 's evidence in court."sin* them 's evidence cou&d h've &'nded me in

rison. This frustr'ted me even more, 's thesec&e'r confessions 4ou&d o2vious& rove m c'se.Whi&e the &'4suit 4's 4inn'2&e 4ithout use of thet'e recordin*s, I 'cceted his counse&, droedthe m'tter, 'nd destroed the t'es.

Reflective thoughts

Trin* to reso&ve issues 'ccordin* to2i2&ic'& instruction m' not roduce thedesired resu&ts, 2ut it is sti&& the ri*ht 4'. Ith's 2een s'id th't 4e must never &oo/ for9ustice. (o4 c'n there 2e true 9ustice in 'f'&&en 4or&d Tr 's 4e 4i&&, 4e 're '&&hum'n 'nd su29ect to hum'n fr'i&ties= 4e

're '&& sinners s'ved 2 the 6r'ce of 6od.

The test of siritu'&it occurs 4hen 4e 'ref'ced 4ith in9ustice, ersecution,me'nness, or un*r'tefu&ness. The testseems to 2e intensified 4hen such 'ttitudes'nd 'ctions come from others 4ithin our

f'mi& or church.

On& 6od h's true /no4&ed*e of e'ch of us.(um'n 9ud*ments 're not 2'sed on f'cts,2ut, more often, on ide's th't m' or m'

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not 2e f'ctu'&. 3or th't re'son, 4hen c'&&edto m'/e 9ud*ment, it is imer'tive th't the9ud*ment meted out is the s'me 's 4h't4e 4ou&d desire to 2e &'ced uon us.

esus /ne4 the 4e'/nesses of (is disci&es'nd those to 4hom (e ministered. When(e 4's 2etr'ed, (e did not *et 'n*r orcnic'& 'nd (e cert'in& did not &ot somescheme for &'te ni*ht reven*e. In this f'&&en'nd sinr'v'*ed 4or&d, 4e 're never to

exect true 9ustice, 2ut shou&d '&4's 2e4i&&in* to *ive 9ustice to the 2est of our'2i&it.

Time to chec) outife for me 4's in const'nt tension, 2ut I tried tom'/e it 's &e's'nt 's ossi2&e for the /ids. On

one 2ri*ht sunn d' I c'&&ed the /ids to come infor suer 'nd discovered (eidi h'd run '4'. Icou&d not 2e&ieve it. (o4 cou&d she do this oone seemed to /no4 4here she 4's. I cou&d on&thin/ of the *ir& I met in e4 >or/ 4ho 4's 'run'4', the rostitute 4ho 2 this time mostcert'in& m' h've 2een murdered or died of

AI+#. o4 d'dd:s &itt&e *ir& 4's *one. The one4ho h'd 2een vio&'ted, 4hom I f'i&ed to rotect,4's no4 ' run'4'.

I cou&d not he& 2ut 4onder if she 4's '&so4'&/in* the streets of e4 >or/. I 4ondered ho4she fe&t, 4h't 4's her 'in &i/e Thou*hts 'nd

dre'ms for her h'd 2ecome ' ni*htm're. M &ifefe&t incredi2& deso&'te, I fe&t I 4's so estr'n*edfrom 6od th't I did not even /no4 ho4 toroceed. I 4ished I cou&d sim& me&t '4' 'nddis'e'r. The 'in sudden& 2ec'me

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excruci'tin*. The d's h'd 2ecome 's d'r/ 'sthe ni*hts '*'in.

I 4ent into m office 'nd cried. 6odK Where 're

ou Wh do I h've '&& this he&& in m &ife esus,if ou &ove me, 4h 'm I hurtin* so 2'd&- Th't9ofu& chi&dhood hmn no4 seemed &i/e ' ho&&o4hoe. I cou&d t'/e it no &on*er the 'in 4's too*re't. I 9ust /ne4 6od did not 'ns4er m r'ers'nmore. (e didn:t c're= it 4's time to chec/ out.I &o'ded m semi'utom'tic 'nd r'ed 4h't I

thou*ht 4ou&d 2e m &'st r'er. I to&d 6od, Itried m 2est 'nd f'i&ed, for*ive me 'nd t'/ec're of the /ids.- ust 4hen I s'id Amen,- thehone r'n*. I ic/ed it u 'nd 't the other end4's 'n o&d 2usiness 'c@u'int'nce 4ith 4hom Ih'd not so/en for six or ei*ht months. The voices'id, %i Bill, this is Robin. $ remembered that you

are going through some !retty tough times and $thought $d call you to give you someencouragement. %ang in there/ youll do o.-

With th't I hun* u the hone 'nd cried. >esord, >ou sti&& do 'ns4er r'ers.- Th't 4's the&'st I ever he'rd from her. To this d' she most

cert'in& does not /no4 the divine 'ointmentof her hone c'&&. Th't d' I 's/ed the ord tot'/e c're of m (eidi 'nd m 2os, &ift m he'v&o'd of deression, 'nd restore to me 9o. Idiscovered &'ter th't (eidi moved on& ' cou&eof mi&es from home to &ive 4ith one of her friends.Within ' fe4 months the ord &ifted m 'in 'nd

deression 'nd, 2 the *r'ce of 6od, 4esurvived. I /ne4 th't 6od h'd ' seci'& &'n forme 'nd, 4hi&e I h'd no *o'&s or vision, I 's/ed(im to reve'& (is &'n.

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Whi&e these 4ere difficu&t times, I 4's 2&essed4ith *od& counse&in* from ' 'storfriend. (eh'd revious& '&so counse&ed m 4ife 'nd to&dme th't she h'd 2een suicid'& 't the '*e of nine,

2ec'use of her extreme& h'rsh, fund'ment'&ist,'nd emotion'&& co&d f'ther. Wh't ' str'n*eiron. (er f'ther 4's '&so ' re'cher, 2ut f'i&edto sho4 the tender &ove of 6od to 'n of hisseven chi&dren. I 4's to&d th't she h'd dee2itterness '*'inst her f'ther 'nd th't 'n*er 4'seventu'&& tr'nsferred to me. In effect, she 4's '

divorce 'nd nervous 2re'/do4n 4'itin* toh'en.

Reflective thoughts )e*'rd&ess of ho4 &on* ou h've 2een in 'f'ith4'&/ 4ith esus, there h'd to 2e times4hen ou 4ondered 4h 6od didn:t 'ns4er

our r'er. We '&& h've those /ind ofmoments 'nd the seem to come 't the4orst ossi2&e times. 0ert'in& 6od c'resfor our needs, fee&in*s, 'nd desires. But (e'&so desires th't 4e desire (im 'nd th't 4e're concerned '2out (is desires. M'neo&e r' for m'teri'&istic comforts of

v'rious /inds Fsee er. G5H5, r'ther th'n for' c&ose re&'tionshi 4ith 6od 'nd for theneeds of others. M'tthe4 CHDD &'cesthin*s in roer ersective. esus is s'in*th't (e is to 2e &'ced first in everone:s&ife 'nd other eo&e 'nd issues 're to 2esecond'r. One of the 2i**est entr'ments

of Western 0hristi'nit is the 2e&ief th'tfo&&o4in* 6od is ' sure 4' to find success 's 4e define it in our Westernm'teri'&istic cu&ture. Our definition of

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success often f'i&s to e@u'te to 6od:sdefinition of success.

To see/ first the /in*dom of 6od 'nd (is

ri*hteousness is tot'&& oosite of ho4 4enorm'&& thin/. The urose of r'er is notso much to *et 'ns4ers from 6od, 2ut th't4e come to the oint 4here 4e c'n discernthe mind of 6od, 's reve'&ed in ohn 17H%!%1H My !rayer is not for them alone. $ !rayalso for those #ho #ill believe in me

through their message, that all of themmay be one, "ather, &ust as you are in meand $ am in you. May they also be in us sothat the #orld may believe that you havesent me.- With the *o'& to discern the mindof 6od, r' unti& somethin* h'ens.

If 4e too/ the Americ'n o cu&ture out ofAmeric'n 0hristi'nit, ho4 much 4ou&d 2e&eft Th't @uestion m' 2e r'therme'nin*&ess unti& it is erson'&iJed.As someone once s'id,

$ believe in the sun even #hen it isnt

shining,$ believe in love even #hen $ amalone$ believe in 0od even #hen %e issilent. "n/no4n

I honed the o&ice, 2ut the su**estedth't (eidi ro2'2& r'n off to &ive 4ith 'friend. A fe4 d's &'ter I discovered theo&ice 4ere correct in their 'ssessment. It4's 'm'Jin* to &e'rn th't str'n*ers /ne4

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more of her th'n did I. It 4's frustr'tin*th't &ife 't home 4's so ch'otic th't sheh'd to &e've to find e'ce 'nd securit, 2ut't &e'st she 4's s'fe.

#omeless and in Street Ministry#oon the 2'n/rutc 4's over. The chi&dren, no4teen'*ers, 4ent to &ive 4ith their mother, 4ho4's off medic'tion 2ec'use her he'&th 4'simrovin*. #he did her 2est to 2e ' *ood motherunder extreme& difficu&t circumst'nces. I do not

/no4 ho4 she survived those e'rs, other th'n6od 4's 4or/in* in her &ife. I 4i&& '&4's 2e*r'tefu& for her heroic 'ttemts to 2e ' &ovin*mother, 4hi&e I ended u 2ein* home&ess. Atni*ht she st'ed '4'/e, 4orrin* th't the 4ou&d2ecome home&ess 'nd durin* the d' she 4ent tother', doctors, 'nd suort *rous, so she

4ou&d 2e '2&e to t'/e c're of herse&f 'nd the /ids.ife 4's extreme& difficu&t for everone. Thef'ct th't '&& of us survived 'nd 2ec'me stron*eris roof th't 6od is 4ith us durin* our most trin*times.

In rior e'rs, I h'd suorted 0offeehouse

Ministries, ' street ministr in A&&ento4n,Penns&v'ni', ' tic'& sm'&& Americ'n cit. itt&edid I re'&iJe durin* m initi'& invo&vement th'tone d' this ministr 4ou&d 2e m home. It 4's2etter th'n &ivin* in m c'r 'nd 4or/in* there inthe ministr oened m ees to the needs ofthose in the inner cit. +urin* this time it '&so

seemed imossi2&e for me to find ' 9o2. Theeconomic recession of the e'r& 1!s h'd hitA&&ento4n eseci'&& h'rd, so I too/ 4h'tever 9o2cou&d 2e found. When there 4's no 4or/, 4e&f're4's m on& otion.

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One of those 9o2s 4's c&e'nin* the /itchens 't+orne P'r/, 'n 'musement 'r/ ne'r A&&ento4n,2et4een the hours of 11H!! 't ni*ht 'nd %H!! in

the mornin*. I 4's th'n/fu& for 'n 9o2. #e&domdid I mention th't I h'd three co&&e*e de*rees infe'r of 2ein* turned do4n 2ec'use I 4's over@u'&ified.- I drifted from one &o4'in* 9o2 to'nother, 's if some d'r/ c&oud 4's over me from4hich there 4's no esc'e. When there 4's no4or/ I 4's on 4e&f're 'nd food st'ms. I even

so&d m 2&ood &'sm' for ' fe4 do&&'rs. ife 4'sseemed hoe&ess 'nd difficu&t.

A 1992 courtesy ticket, given to me by my manager at Dorney Park,is kept as a reminder from where the Lord has brought me.

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Then one d' I h'd ' second si*nific'nt dre'm,'&most 's r'dic'& 's the first. In this dre'm orvision I s'4 ' icture of hundreds of eo&e

st'ndin* on ' f&'t &'in 4ith d'r/ storm c&oudsh'n*in* over them. Ever erson 4's st'ndin*sti&&, '&most 's in mi&it'r st&e, 'nd ho&din* 'c'nd&e. Most of the eo&e &oo/ed extreme& s'd'nd deressed 'nd their c'nd&es h'd 2eenextin*uished. Wh't fri*htened me 4's 4hen Ireco*niJed the deressed exressions on m

chi&dren:s f'ces. I re'&iJed th't ever one of theirc'nd&es 4's 2&o4n out. Th't dre'm ch'n*ed mr'er &ife for them. I re'&iJed the needed me toencour'*e 'nd r' for them.

I continued to 2e ' vo&unteer counse&or 't the0om'ss 0offeehouse Ministries, counse&in*

'&coho& 'nd dru* 'ddicts, rostitutes, 'nd4hoever e&se 4'&/ed in 'nd needed he&. M on&' 4's ' &o4rent room in ' 4'rehouse 'nddon'ted food 'nd seein* the eo&e 4ho c'me infor he&. It 4's 'stoundin* to see so muchmiser. I 4's not '&one 4ith m ro2&ems. Theoor 4ere eseci'&& vu&ner'2&e 2ec'use the

h'd fe4er fin'nci'& resources 4ith 4hich toex&ore otions or oortunities for ' 2etter &ife. I4's 4onderin* if this tre'dmi&& of &ife 4ou&d everend.

3in'&&, 'fter t4o e'rs I 4's hired 2 ' mort*'*erefin'nce office. #uccess c'me @uic/& 's I 4ent

from ! commission to ne'r& C,!!! er monthin on& t4e&ve 4ee/s= the second to roducer inthe office. I 4's ecst'ticK I cou&d h'rd& 2e&ieveth't such *ood fortune 4's uon me. o4 I cou&dfin'&& he& suort the /ids 'nd ' off o&d

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de2ts. (o4ever, 9ust 4hen I 4's '2out to receivem first chec/, m em&oer informed me th't, ifI to&d ' &itt&e 4hite &ie- '2out the c&ient:s credithistor, m income 4ou&d more th'n dou2&e. I

4's to s' th't there 4's ' credit ro2&em, 2ut Icou&d fix- it for on& ' @u'rter of one ercent risein their interest r'te. I cou&d '&so f'&sif feder'&t'x returns to @u'&if '&ic'nts F' rim'rre'son for the mort*'*e f'i&ures th't 2e*'n'round %!!8.

M'n mort*'*e 2ro/ers 't the time 4ere e'rnin*sixfi*ure incomes 'nd no4 I /ne4 ho4 the didit. I 4's 2et4een dire overt 'nd 'n eff&uentincome, 2ut I refused to &ie to m c&ients. I h'd2een the reciient of 'ccus'tions revious& 'ndthere 4's no 4' I 4's *oin* to 9eo'rdiJemse&f '*'in. (ence, I 4's fired 'nd 2'c/ on

4e&f're '*'in. As much 's this exerience hurt, Inever re*retted m decision. FA fe4 e'rs &'terthe 2usiness 4ent 2'n/rut.I in@uired into v'rious te'chin* oortunities, 2utsince co&&e*e *r'du'tes 4ere routine& hired 'tthe st'rtin* s'&'r, there 4's '&most no hoe ofreturnin* to educ'tion. This 4's due to ' st'te

&'4 th't re@uired u2&ic schoo&s to reco*niJe theexerience 'nd de*rees, for s'&'r uroses, ofte'chers considered for em&oment. Priv'teschoo&s se&dom offered courses in m fie&d industri'& techno&o* 'nd desi*n, so there 4's nooortunit for te'chin* in ' 0hristi'n schoo&.

Reflective thoughts 6od ermits difficu&ties to enter our &ives inorder to see ho4 4e 4i&& resond. #omechoose to resond their o4n 4' 'ndothers c'&& uon (im in their time of need.

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W'tchin* 6od resond not on& 2ui&ds ourf'ith, 2ut 'ffords the oortunit to h've6od m'nifest (imse&f in our &ives. In f'ct,the on& 'im of &ife is th't esus m' 2e

m'nifested in e'ch one of us.

I 4's exeriencin* the resu&ts of m o4n2'd decisions. It 4ou&d h've 2een 2etter if Ih'd never oened ' rest'ur'nt 'nd 2etteret if I didn:t h've 'c/ 's ' 'rtner. Those2'd decisions not on& 'ffected me, 2ut m

ex4ife 'nd chi&dren 4ere '&so sufferin*. It4's deressin*.

We '&& fee& 4e h've ' r'ther 'ccur'teercetion of ourse&ves. Even if 4e'c/no4&ed*e th't the im'*e m' not 2eerfect, 4e fee& 4e h've ' f'ir& 'ccur'te

underst'ndin* of se&f, /no4in* 4h't 4e c'n'nd c'nnot do. 3'cin* the truth c'n 2etr'um'tic. The ro2&em 'rises 4hen 4eh've r'ctic'&- or '&ied- f'ith in esus,then 4e 4onder if (e 4i&& do 4h't (is Words'id (e 4i&& do. It 2e*ins 4ith ' m'tter offocus 4e need to 2e focused on our

0re'tor. The rohet Is'i'h s'id th't, 1ou20od3 #ill ee! in !erfect !eace him #hosemind is steadfast, because he trusts in you-FIs'. %CHD.

#e&fdecetions, 4hen de'&t 4ith, hurt.When the Word of 6od ch'&&en*es se&f

roc&'imed im'*in'tions, there is usu'&&'in 'nd sufferin* in the he'&in* rocess. Inessence, it is not '&4's e's to de'& 4ithissues, 2ut it is 2etter th'n not de'&in* 4iththem 't '&&. The core issue is th't sin

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de'dens fee&in*s. As/ our ord ' @uestion'2out ourse&f. (e m' 'ns4er 4ith '@uestion '2out ou. (is @uestions reve'&edme to me. (e m' '&so 's/ ou @uestions

'2out (imse&f. On& 4hen one erceivesthe ri*hteousness of the A&mi*ht, does heunderst'nd ho4 imure he re'&& is. The'rori'te resonse 2e*ins 4ithconfession. 3or*iveness, 4hich c'usesdivine 9o, 4i&& fo&&o4. But ' 4ord of c'utionhere. The 'ns4er mi*ht not 2e from 6od,

2ut ' resonse from our emotions,2ec'use 4e '&& &i/e to he'r 4h't 4e 4'nt tohe'r. As/ for the *ift of discernment.

The test of siritu'& concentr'tion is t'/in*contro& of our im'*in'tion. Wh'tever oufocus on the most, if our thou*hts 're not

on esus, ou h've 'n ido&. Perh's it isour 9o2, 'nother erson, or service. Ifthere is ' const'nt %GN7, month 'ftermonth, im'*in'tion on 'nthin* e&se otherth'n esus, then ou h've 'n ido&. 6od *'veus the *ift of im'*in'tion for ' urose th't is to /ee our minds Fim'*in'tion

focused on (im. But first 4e must come to(im.

The 4ho&e m'tter of recover from such 'hu*e co&&ection of &osses t'/es t4oH ou 'ndesus. Ever one of us h's to ut forthcontinuous effort. It is e's to s' th't 4e

must h've e'*&e:s 4in*s to 2e victorious.The rohet Is'i'h s'id th't '

hose #hoho!e in the LORD #ill rene# their strength.'hey #ill soar on #ings lie eagles/ they#ill run and not gro# #eary, they #ill #al

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and not be faint.- But the &ife of f'ith isusu'&& is ' ste'd &ife of 4'&/in* 'nd notf'intin*. Th't 4'&/ m' seem to 2e &on*,&one&, end&ess, &ife&ess, 'nd m'2e '

use&ess 9ourne, 2ut 't the end there is '2&essin* our f&i*ht of 'n e'*&e. esusnever 's/ed us to 2e siritu'&, 2ut to 2eo2edient. Then one 2ecomes siritu'&. Butfirst, come 2'c/ to esus.

od!s favorite word is "#ome.$

The Challenge of Cancer

In the srin* of 1G, I 4's em&oed to st'rt 'ne4 mort*'*e com'n 'nd immedi'te& the2usiness 4's off to ' *ood st'rt, f'r more th'n Icou&d h'nd&e. ife 4's fin'&& 2e*innin* to turn'round for me 'nd I s'4 nothin* 2ut 'n excitin*future. (o4ever, h'rd& ' fe4 months h'd *one

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2 4hen I h'd ' c'r 'ccident. It 4's m first inne'r& %5 e'rs 'nd, to m'/e m'tters 4orse, it4's m f'u&t. (o4 em2'rr'ssin*K Even thou*h Ih'd not 2een in9ured, I visited ' doctor 2ec'use I

4's stiff 'nd sore. (e confirmed th't there 4ereno in9uries from the 'ccident. (o4ever, 4h't hes'id next stunned me. >ou h've ' m'ssivetumor,- he informed me. >ou 4i&& needimmedi'te sur*er. Without the sur*er, ouh've ro2'2& on& five or six months to &ive.- Mmind stru**&ed to rocess this sudden unforeseen

reve&'tion. (o4 cou&d this 2e

" unti& this time, friends h'd 2een te'sin* me'2out &osin* some 4ei*ht 2ec'use I h'd ' midriff2u&*e. It turned out, m soc'&&ed 4ei*ht- 4'sre'&& ' m'ssive chondros'rcom' tumor F1C cm. NC Q inch. It h'd ushed m or*'ns u 'nd over

m 2e&t, cre'tin* the 'e'r'nce of 2ein*over4ei*ht. It h'd '&re'd destroed ' m'9orortion of the &eft hi 'nd doctors cou&d notunderst'nd ho4 I 4's sti&& 4'&/in*. In f'ct, thetumor 4's re'd to 2urst. After '&& th't I h'd*one throu*h= 9ust 4hen &ife seemed to 2ereturnin* to me, I cou&d not 2e&ieve this 4's

h'enin*.

#ur*er 4's not 'n otion, 2ut ' re@uirement, ifthere 4's to 2e 'n hoe of surviv'&. +octorsinsisted th't I never '*'in t'/e 'nother ste4ithout crutches. M &eft hi 4's extreme&fr'*i&e 'nd cou&d 2re'/ moment'ri&, 4hich, in

turn, 4ou&d c'use the tumor s'c to 2re'/. Wereth't to h'en, the c'ncer 4ou&d sre'd 'ndtermin'te m &ife in ' m'tter of 4ee/s. I r'edfor he'&in*, remem2erin* the &ifech'n*in* eventof 17G. +octors s'id the 4ou&d ro2'2& h've

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to remove the entire &eft hi 4hich 4ou&d resu&t inthe &oss of m &eft &e*. #uch 'n oer'tion doesnot come 4ith the romise of seein* 'nothersunrise in ' d' or t4o. I re'red mse&f for the

4orst.

Prior to sur*er, I 's/ed for for*iveness fromeverone 4ho h'd 2een hurt 's the resu&t of m2'n/rutc 'nd divorce= eseci'&& from 0hristine'nd 'c/. I did not 4'nt 'nthin* to imede thehe'&in* h'nd of 6od. 'c/ '&so 's/ed for

for*iveness, 2ut 'dded th't he did no 4ron*. (iscomments, ho4ever, 4ere fine 4ith me. Truefor*iveness is uncondition'& 'nd one must &et *oof 'st thin*s 'nd &et 6od t'/e contro&. I r'edth't 6od 4ou&d 2&ess him Fsee o2 G%H1!. In themidst of this crisis I h'd ' dee inner e'ce. Eversince I h'd received th't hone c'&& from )o2in

there h'd 2een ' stron* ste'diness 2ec'use I/ne4 th't 6od he'rd m r'ers, even if thereseemed to 2e no resonse. The iron is th't,4ithout the em2'rr'ssin* c'r 'ccident, thec'ncer 4ou&d not h've 2een discovered 'nd I4ou&d h've died. I exerienced more mir'c&esth'n I h'd re'&iJed, inc&udin* some events th't

4ere not immedi'te& seen 's mir'c&es.-

The tumor 4's so 2i* th't 'rt of it 4r'ed'round 'nd throu*h m sin'& co&umn, 4hichfurther com&ic'ted the sur*er. Therefore, onovem2er D, 1G, the d' of sur*er, the@uestions doctors *r'&ed 4ith 4ere +o 4e cut

this *u in h'&f to s've his &ife Or do 4e &et himh've ' ri*ht &e*, &imited @u'&it of &ife, 'nd ris/ 'otenti'& recurrence of c'ncer- This 4's noordin'r c'ncer, 2ut ' r're c'rti&'*e c'ncer. Thenum2er of /no4n 'du&t survivors is so fe4 th't

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53/79

the 're st'tic'&& insi*nific'nt. #ome medic'&2oo/s denied 'n survivors 't '&&. Even no4,ne'r& t4ent e'rs &'ter, chondros'rcom' istot'&& resist'nt to chemother'. >et, com'red

to '&& the f'mi& 'nd 2usiness ro2&ems Iexerienced, this 4's ' icnic. The ord *'ve me'n incredi2&e e'ce, '2und'nt 9o, 'nd ' @uic/recover. 6od chose not to s've me from the firstof sever'& sur*eries, 2ut erformed one mir'c&e'fter 'nother 's the c'ncer returned three times.The r'dic'& sur*er too/ m &eft &e*, &eft hi, 'nd

' third of m t'i& 2one, 2ut it s'ved m &ife. I 4'sschedu&ed to 2e in the hosit'& for more th'n 'month, inc&udin* hsic'& ther'. >et incredi2&,I drove home t4o 4ee/s 'nd six d's &'ter, thed' 2efore Th'n/s*ivin*.

It 4's imossi2&e to remove '&& the c'ncer ce&&s

4ithout cuttin* the sin'& cord 'nd, therefore, it4's necess'r to under*o seven 4ee/s of d'i&r'di'tion ther'. This h'd ' host of miser'2&esideeffects. A*'in I r'ed 'nd, 4ith the stron*suort of m church, 4e exected 6od toerform ' rofound mir'c&e 'nd (e didK There4's never ' d' of sic/ness, tiredness, or

n'use'K +octors insisted th't I not return to 4or/,2ut recover e'cefu&& in m ''rtment.(o4ever, I 4's 2&essed 4ith so much ener*= Itoo/ 'n ev'n*e&ism c&'ss somethin* I h'd'&4's 4'nted to do. It 4's on the second d' ofc&'ss th't the ord c'&&ed me to the te'chin*ministr. M &ife 4's '2out to see ' r'dic'&

tr'nsform'tion.

I 4's immedi'te& f'ced 4ith the ch'&&en*e of&e'rnin* 2'sic &ife functions 4ithout ' &e*. I'infu&& discovered th't common functions cou&d

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2e extreme& d'n*erous, such 's 4'&/in* 'cross' f&oor th't 4's unexected& 4et. I '&soexerienced the 'in of f'&&in* do4n st'irs. ifetoo/ on ' tot'&& ne4 defensive ersective 4ith

' *re'ter deendence uon 6od. I never /ne44h't tomorro4 4ou&d 2rin*, 2ut I /ne4 the One4ho he&d e'ch tomorro4. o &on*er 4ou&d I 2e'2&e to te'ch industri'& techno&o* in hi*h schoo&,2ui&d houses, o4n ' rest'ur'nt, or deve&o re'&est'te. A&& the forms of em&oment I h'd everconsidered interestin* or ch'&&en*in* 4ere no4

'&& 2ut imossi2&e to ursue. >et in m he'rt ofhe'rts I /ne4 th't the ord h'd ' seci'& &'n forme. eremi'h %H111G' s's,

"or $ no# the !lans $ have for you, declares theLord, !lans to !ros!er you and not harm you,

!lans to give you ho!e and a future. 'hen you

#ill call u!on me and come and !ray to me, and $#ill listen to you. 1ou #ill see me and find me#hen you see me #ith all your heart. $ #ill befound by you, declares the Lord.

Reflective thoughts Once ou &oo/ 't de'th ' fe4 times 'nd

re'&iJe th't ou 're '&ive on& 2 the *r'ceof 6od, ou 4i&& h've ' ne4 'reci'tion forever sunrise, 'nd ever d' 4i&& h've ''ssion'te me'nin*. 3or me, I dee& /no4th't 6od h's extended m &ife for (isurose. I d're not 4'ste ' d'. I /ne4 th't4h'tever c'&&in* or ministr 4ou&d 2e in m

future, someho4 it 4ou&d 2e re&'ted toev'n*e&ism 'nd 'rch'eo&o*. I 4's cert'inth't 6od 4ou&d move me in some directionre&'ted to one or 2oth of these 're's. #ince

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55/79

then, 6od c&osed some doors 'nd oenedothers.

E'ch d' 4e *o 's our ord &e'ds. (is &'n

for our &ives is usu'&& reve'&ed 's 4e *o'&on* &ife:s 9ourne. It:s c'&&ed ' f'ith4'&/.- At times (e *ives secific directives.#ometimes (e doesn:t. #uch is the &ife ofr'er 'nd f'ith. But never move unti& ouh've received inner e'ce concernin* ourdecisions 'nd &'ns.

Our rim'r *o'& is to 2e in ' c&osere&'tionshi 4ith our #'vior. A&& too often4e re&'ce th't 4ith the ide' 4e must do-somethin* for (im. Once 4e 're c&ose to(im, (is &'ns for our &ives 2e*in to unfo&d.The 4riter of Prover2s s's, $n his heart a

man !lans his course, but the LORDdetermines his ste!s- 24roverbs 56783 'nd&'ter s'sMany are the !lans in a mansheart, but it is the LORDs !ur!ose that

!revails- 24roverbs 587953.

It h's 2een s'id th't one c'nnot turn ' shi

th't isn:t movin*. i/e4ise, it is difficu&t for6od to direct ' erson, 4ho m' 2esee/in*, 2ut is not movin* For doin*. When&'ns ch'n*e unexected&, do not considerourse&f or the &'ns to 2e ' f'i&ure. 6od issim& turnin* our shi.

Study and Ministry *eginIn #etem2er 15 I entered ?'&&e 3or*e0hristi'n 0o&&e*e for under*r'du'te Bi2&e studies.I then e'rned dou2&e m'ster:s de*rees 't'nc'ster Bi2&e 0o&&e*e, fo&&o4ed 2 ' doctor'te

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't Or'& )o2erts "niversit 2 %!!8. This isconsidered ne'r& imossi2&e for someone 4hof'i&ed first *r'de, ne'r& t4o other *r'des, 'nd4ho h'd not 2een 'cceted into ' co&&e*e

re'r'tor ro*r'm. I fe&t I shou&d stud for 'future in te'chin*, 's 4e&& 's in counse&in* orministr. +urin* this time of re'rin* for theministr, 4hich re@uired end&ess hours of stud,6od 4's '&so he'&in* m mind 'nd emotions.itt&e did I /no4 th't (e 4ou&d *ive me therivi&e*e to stud 'nd te'ch in Isr'e&.

In 17, I est'2&ished Evidence of 'ruthMinistries, ' rese'rch 'nd te'chin* ministr th'tin %!!G 2ec'me ' nonrofit coror'tion. Therim'r urose is, 'o teach the reality of

)esus... to reliable men :and #omen; #ho #ill alsobe


57/79

'&on* the southe'stern shore of the #e' of6'&i&ee. There, on ' sunset evenin*, I stood2ene'th ' *rove of trees 'nd &oo/ed out uon the4'ters 4here I visu'&iJed esus 4'&/in* on the

4'ter to4'rd ' 2o't. Then, in m mind:s ee, Is'4 Peter 4's comin* out of the 2o't 'nd4'&/in* to4'rd esus. #udden& Peter 4's2e*innin* to sin/ 'nd 4's u to his nec/ in 4'ter,'&most dro4nin*, 4hen esus re'ched out 'ndu&&ed him u. Then, 9ust 's esus *'ve Peter 'hu*, Peter &oo/ed to4'rd me 'nd I s'4 m f'ce

on him. This vision 4's 2urned into m sou&. ust's esus h'd s'ved Peter from dro4nin*, esush'd '&so s'ved me from the 4'ters of des'ir. AsI 4et I m'de the decision th't, no m'tter 4h't4ou&d come uon m &ife, I 4ou&d '&4's fo&&o4(im.

As I &oo/ed over the 4'ters I 2e*'n to underst'ndth't (is &'ns for me 4ere f'r *re'ter then I everim'*ined. A*'in I @uote the rohet eremi'h,

"or $ no# the !lans $ have for you,- declares theLord, !lans to !ros!er you and not to harm you,

!lans to give you a ho!e and a future. 'hen you

#ill call u!on me and come and !ray to me and $#ill listen to you. 1ou #ill see me and find me#hen you see me #ith all your heart. $ #ill befound by you, declares the Lord- Fer. %H111G'.

The ord *'ve ' simi&'r 4ord to us throu*h the

rohet ('2'//u/, Loo at the nations and #atch= and be utterly ama>ed. "or $ am going to dosomething in your days that you #ould notbelieve, even if you #ere told. F('2. 1H5. everin m &ife h'd I ever im'*ined th't I 4ou&d 2e '

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2&essin* to forei*n 'stors 'nd te'chers 's 'Bi2&e te'cher 'nd rofessor. >et, 2e*innin* in thesummer of %!!! 'nd for sever'& e'rs there'fter,I 4's rivi&e*ed to te'ch in Isr'e&, ord'n, 'nd

i*eri'= then in Penns&v'ni'.

Reflective thoughts -ife is ' *ift from 6od, 4h't ou do 4ith it isour *ift to 6od. Ever erson ofsi*nific'nce mentioned in the Bi2&e 4's 'tone time or 'nother 2ro/en 2efore 6od

cou&d use them for 'n incredi2&e t's/. If ou're 't ' oint of 2ro/enness, 't the 2ottomof &ife, then re9oice 2ec'use the ord isre'rin* ou for ' seci'& 4or/ th't cou&dver 4e&& 2e 2eond our 4i&destim'*in'tion. Out of sufferin* come thestron*est sou&s. 6od:s 4ounded often

m'/e (is 2est so&diers.

oo/in* 2'c/ to m teen'*e e'rs, 4h't '2&essin* it is to h've *ro4n u 4ithout*ettin* invo&ved 4ith dru*s, '&coho&, sex,'nd the m'n other vices common 'mon*teens tod'. If I h'd 2een invo&ved in 'n of

those, the destructive ressures uon m&ife 't this time 4ou&d h've 2een f'r*re'ter.

It is 'm'Jin* ho4 i*nor'nt 4e 're ofourse&ves. Or m'2e it 4ou&d 2e 2etter s'idth't it is 'm'Jin* ho4 defensive 4e 're

'2out not de'&in* 4ith 'rticu&'r erson'&issues. Whether it is ride or fe'r of de'&in*4ith the 'in of 'st events, there 'reissues th't need to 2e reso&ved. On& 6odtru& underst'nds us. >et unti& one decides

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59/79

to reso&ve the m'tter of ride, the 'in of'st events, or 4h'tever thecom'ssion'te h'nd of 6od is restrictedfrom m'/in* us 4ho&e.

PART 4Another Cancer Challenge' thenMinistry *egins

The orde'& 4ith c'ncer 4's not over 4ith the

1G sur*er. 3riends 'nd f'mi& continued tor' for m he'&in* 4hi&e the &ifethre'tenin*he'&th ch'&&en*e continued. #ever'& times doctorssusected the return of the dre'dedchondros'rcom'. Often the 4ere roven 4ron*.>et three times the 4ere ri*ht 'nd &un*sur*eries 4ere re@uired to remove c'ncer

*ro4ths. In the first &un* sur*er in 1 I &ostthe uer &o2e of one &un* 'nd 'rts of the other.'ter, in the srin* semester of %!!1, t4o more&un* sur*eries 4ere needed. Am'Jin*&, the &'stt4o sur*eries 4ere erformed on Mond's 'nd Inever missed the c&'ss on the fo&&o4in* Thursd'.The ord chose not to *ive me ' he'&in* mir'c&e,

2ut mir'cu&ous recoveries.

In the summer of %!!1 I returned to Isr'e& to 4or/on t4o rese'rch ro9ects. "on m return home Ireturned to the medic'& center for ' re*u&'r&

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60/79

schedu&ed chest xr' 'nd 0AT sc'n. odu&es4ere '*'in discovered in 2oth &un*s 'nd doctors4ere unsure 's to 4h't to do. I h'd so much &un*tissue removed revious&, 'nd no4 nodu&es 4ere

ever4here. The tried to 2e /ind '2out the &'c/of otions. #o the schedu&ed me for 'nother visitthree months &'ter, 't 4hich time the 4ou&ddetermine if the cou&d do 'nthin*.

In the me'ntime, I returned to m church 4here 'num2er of eo&e r'ed for me, 's the h'd

done m'n times revious&. There 4ere no2e&&s or 4hist&es- or seci'& fee&in*s, 2ut thenext medic'& chec/u reve'&ed th't '&& of thesusected nodu&es 4ere *one.

Reflective thoughts -A&& too m'n 0hristi'ns 2e&ieve th't the 0hristi'n

&ife me'ns de&iver'nce from difficu&ties 'ndtrou2&es. And 't times 6od, 2 (is divine *r'ce,does de&iver us from such he'rt'ches. (o4ever,more &i/e& th'n not, 0hristi'ns find themse&vesin trou2&e. In ohn 1CHDD, esus s'id, $ have told

you these things, so that in me you may have!eace. $n this #orld you #ill have trouble. But

tae heart? $ have overcome the #orld.- ot on&'re trou2&es romised, so is ersecution 'thou*ht se&dom discussed in Western n'tionstod'. onethe&ess, 6od did not come to *ive us' comfort'2&e &ife, 2ut (e c'me th't 4e cou&dovercome difficu&ties throu*h the &ove, *r'ce, 'ndo4er of the (o& #irit. It is the /in*dom of 6od

functionin* 4ithin us th't is ' 4itness of esus toothers th't the too mi*ht come to (im.

+ifficu&ties roduce incredi2&e ressures 'ndtri2u&'tion, 4hich m' 2e stressfu& 'nd c'use

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str'in. Bod 2ui&ders used to s' th't 4here thereis no 'in, there is no *'in. i/e4ise, in the/in*dom of 6od, 4here there is no str'in, nostren*th in esus is 'tt'ined. +ifficu&ties 're the

tests th't deve&o siritu'& m'turit. The /e to&ife is to /ee ' 'ssion'te focus on esus, 'nd/no4 th't this &ife is mere& ' time of determinin*4here eternit 4i&& 2e sent.

%esus& 'e is the key to (ife

.+erseas Ministry>e'rs e'r&ier, Bi2&e co&&e*e rofessors h'ddiscour'*ed me from the ministr. o4 the ord4's not on& &e'din* me into ministr, 2ut '&so to2ecome ' shortterm visitin* rofessor to forei*nsemin'r students 'nd 'stors. Wh't 'n

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62/79

incredi2&e 9oK Words sim& c'nnot exress 4h'tesus 4's doin* in 'nd throu*h me.

Whi&e studin* in Isr'e& 'nd ord'n in 18 'nd

1, I 4's offered the oortunit to return 's 'visitin* 'd9unct rofessor. This 4's ' dre'm cometrue 'nd m r'erfu& thou*hts returned to m#und' schoo& te'cher Mi&ton e'rs '*o I thou*ht it 4ou&d 2e 'nhonor to re'ch the *oodness of 6od, et neverthou*ht in m 4i&dest dre'ms I 4ou&d see th'td'. When ou 2ecome ' 6od ch'ser 'nd &oo/ for

oortunities to serve (im, it is 'm'Jin* 4here(e 4i&& t'/e ou.

Who 'm I th't I shou&d h've such ' rivi&e*edministr (o4 4onderfu& is our ordK (e ic/ed

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me u off the streets of e4 >or/, 4here I denied(im. (e *uided me throu*h the @u'*mire ofemotion'& 'in, 4hen I thou*ht (e 4's no4hereto 2e found. A&& the time I thou*ht I 4's '&one, (e

4's 'ctu'&& 9ust 2ehind me. M 'in 4's so*re't th't I did not see (im. >et, (e 4's there '&&the time. (o4 '4esome (e is. M f'ith in 0hristesus is not ' che' 'ntisetic to de'den the 'inof &ife 2ut ' vi2r'nt re&'tionshi th't h's 2rou*htexcitement 'nd '2und'nt 9o to m &ife. I 'mc&othed in (is Word, I h've the oi& of (is #irit, I

h've the 9o of &ife, 'nd ever d' I &ive in (ishouse. Where ever ou 're in &ife tod', 4h'teverour h'rdshi, do not *ive u for ou do not /no44h't incredi2&e &'ns 6od h's for our &ife.

Someone SpecialAs st'ted revious&, in the summer of %!!1, I

4's in erus'&em 4or/in* on t4o rese'rchro9ects. One 4's the historic'& 'nd cu&tur'&2'c/*round of the ministr environment of esus'nd the second 4's ' m'ster:s thesis on ho4 thehi&osoh 'nd theo&o* of the Intern'tion'&0hristi'n Em2'ss erus'&em 4's '&iedthrou*hout Isr'e&.

At th't time I met ' 3innish mission'r,- 4hoh'd sent ten e'rs c'rin* for (o&oc'ustsurvivors 'nd vo&unteerin* in v'rious ministries.(er n'me 4's P'ivi Es/e&i, 4hich me'ns the d'of EJe/ie&.- We est'2&ished ' 4onderfu& friendshi'nd 4or/ed to*ether on m 2i2&ic'& rese'rch

ro9ects. The ord h'd *iven us ' commonc'&&in*, vision, 'nd ministr. A e'r &'ter 4e&'nned our future to*ether 's 4e fe&t 6od 4'sc'&&in* us to 2e ' ministr te'm. (o4ever, I to&dher th't, 2efore 4e 2e*in our &ives to*ether,

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there is ' seci'& *rove of trees '&on* the #e' of6'&i&ee I needed to sho4 her.

+urin* our courtshi I h'd ' cr'

and then came cancer

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