1. 1. And What About Those Airline Miles?! The Mindful Divorce Support Group Alexandra Baron, Esq. | 949-514-8600 themindfuldivorceoc.com
2. 2. Disclaimer I am not a therapist. This support group is not intended to be therapy. It is simply a forum to meet with other similarly situated individuals.
3. 3. AGENDA Introductions Introduction to Positive Psychology and Mindfulness Mindfulness Meditation (15 minutes) Positive Psychology Exercise (15 minutes) Family Law Topic: That Credit Card Debt is Mine too?! Questions
4. 4. POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY Introduced by Dr. Martin Seligman in 1998 in his APA Presidential Address to the American Psychological Association. In the past 15 years, there have been 1,336 peer reviewed articles published in English academic journals.1 Evidence based research on cultivating happiness, strengths, self-esteem, and optimism. Contrasts with traditional psychology that focuses on pathologyalleviating neurosis, anxiety, and depressionPositive Psychology focuses on cultivating happiness, strengths, self-esteem, and optimism. There are momentsmaybe ongoing periods of timewhen you are aligned with your strengths, immersed in the actions that bring you fulfillment. The goal should not be to change you, but to help you more consistently become the person you already are at your best." 1. Stewart I. Donaldson, Maren Dollwet & Meghana A. Rao (2015) Happiness, excellence, and optimal human functioning revisited: Examining the peer-reviewed literature linked to positive psychology, The Journal of Positive Psychology: Dedicated to furthering research and promoting good practice, 10:3, 185-195, DOI: 10.1080/17439760.2014.943801
5. 5. POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY
6. 6. EVIDENCE BASED RESULTS OF POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY STUDIES Robert Emmons and Michael McCullough published "Counting Blessings Versus Burdens" showing that a consistent practice of gratitude increases wellbeing. The "Does happiness lead to success?" study shows broad range of benefits, from physiological health to financial and career success and greater social engagement. Barbara Fredrickson publishes her 3:1 positivity ratio finding in Positivity. Maintaining a 3:1 positivity ratio of positive thoughts to negative emotions creates a tipping point between languishing and flourishing.
7. 7. TOPICS IN POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY Altruism, Gratitude and Forgiveness Optimism and Hope Wisdom and Courage Meaning making and Benefit Finding Resilience and Hardiness Character Strengths Mindfulness, Flow and Spirituality
8. 8. POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY RESOURCES Notable books: Authentic Happiness by Dr. Martin Seligman Flourish by Dr. Martin Seligman The How of Happiness by Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky Uncovering Happiness by Dr. Elisha Goldstein Happier: Learn the Secrets to Daily Joy and Lasting Fulfillment by Tal Ben- Shahar The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor Notable Magazines Live Happy
9. 9. MINDFULNESS For several thousand years in the Buddhist tradition, mindfulness has been known as the seventh element of the Noble Eightfold Path to liberation and enlightenment. Mindfulness allows one to release any attachment to automatic thoughts and negative patterns that sabotage happiness. In 1998, there were zero studies on mindfulness funded by the National Institutes of Health. Currently, there have been over 70 studies done on mindfulness. Mindfulness successfully combats the symptoms of stress by rewiring the brain.
10. 10. MINDFULNESS MEDITATION Please follow the instructions of the guided meditation Duration: 15 Minutes Benefits: Even thirty minutes a day improves attention and focus of people with heavy time demands After 40 minutes of meditation a day for between two to fifteen years the regions associated with attention and sensory processing were thicker in meditation participants than controls. Long term meditators were shown to have an outstanding ability to regulate emotion and allow for well adjusted responses to whatever life throws
11. 11. Positive Psychology Exercise Expressive Writing: Writing about a traumatic experience for 15 minutes over the course of three to four days has been shown to emotional and physical health benefits. Studied by: James W. Pennebaker Long term benefits include: Fewer stress-related visits to the doctor Improved immune system functioning Improved mood/affect Feeling of greater psychological well-being Reduced depressive symptoms, Fewer post-traumatic intrusion and avoidance symptoms
12. 12. EXPRESSIVE WRITING INSTRUCTIONS Duration: 15 minutes For greater benefit do this again for the next 2-3 days. Instructions: Write your very deepest thoughts and feelings about the most traumatic experience of your entire life or an extremely important emotional issue that has affected you and your life. Once you begin writing, write continuously. Dont worry about spelling or grammar. If you run out of things to write about, just repeat what you have already written. No feedback will be given on the writing, the writing is completely confidential.
13. 13. And What about Those Airlines Miles?! Priming Question: If the airline miles do not have a cash equivalent value, how should they be divided? What is Priming? Priming is an implicit memory effect in which exposure to one stimulus influences a response to another stimulus. Example: Students in one study were read a list of words that described old age. After being read this list, they walked more slowly down the hallway.
14. 14. And What about Those Airline Miles?! Common Question: Ive accumulated hundreds of thousands of miles, who gets them? Family Law Principles: Community and Separate Property The problem: A spouse has traveled frequently due to work is now possessive over the accumulated frequent flier miles.
15. 15. WEDDING CRASHERS
16. 16. COMMUNITY PROPERTY CAL. FAM. CODE 760 Except as otherwise provided by statute, all property, real or personal, wherever situated, acquired by a married person during the marriage while domiciled in this state is community property.
17. 17. SEPARATE PROPERTY CAL. FAM. CODE 770 (a) Separate property of a married person includes all of the following: (1) All property owned by the person before marriage. (2) All property acquired by the person after marriage by gift, bequest, devise, or descent. (3) The rents, issues, and profits of the property described in this section. (b) A married person may, without the consent of the person's spouse, convey the person's separate property.
18. 18. Translating 760 and 770 into Plain English Community property is all property and earnings accumulated during the marriage. Separate property is all property including all profits and rents and earnings accumulated prior to the marriage and after the date of separation, as well as gifts and inheritance received during the marriage. Thus, the airline miles accumulated during the marriage are community property. Community property assets AND debts are divided 50/50.
19. 19. HANDLING AIRLINE MILES 1. The first step is to check the terms and conditions of your various rewards programs. 2. Be aware that some rewards programs do not allow transfers to a spouse as a part of a divorce 3. If this occurs assign a value to the points if possible to use to trade for something equivalent 4. If an exact cash value cannot be determined, you can estimate the value by determining the cost of the ticket for the points required. 5. If the company will allow it, have the airline or other reward-granting program divide the points equally into two separate accounts. 6. There may be fees incurred for transferring the points and/or resetting their expiration dates. 7. If there are fees incurred for a transfer, decide ahead of time a plan for handling these fees fairly.
20. 20. CLUB MEMBERSHIPS Dont forget about country club, golf course and other memberships Many clubs have a sizable initiation fee as well as annual dues These are negotiable assets to divide
21. 21. CUSTODY OVER PETS Pets are treated as property. High value pets may also be considered when negotiating assets and debts. Pets are commonly assigned to the spouse with a more flexible schedule, and/or who has historically taken care of the animal. If the pet is particularly sentimental to you try gathering documentation to show you were the one who adopted or purchased the pet. If you were not the purchaser of the pet, information that may help to validate your claims as primary caregiver would be receipts for veterinary care, licensing records, receipts for grooming, dog training classes, food, and other items purchased for the companion animal. If custody of a pet is important to you, make sure you inform your attorney or mediator.
22. 22. Questions Please let me know if you have any further questions on this or another family law topic! E-mail address: alexandra@themindfuldivorceoc.com