Anger ManagementAnger Management

Why am I so Why am I so angry and angry and

what can I do what can I do about it?about it?

Jamie Reed, M.Ed.

What Can You Learn? The definition of anger How anger affects you physically Understanding anger payoffs How anger can affect

relationships How to deal with angry feelings

effectively Steps to take to prevent an angry

outburst

The Definition of Anger

Wikipedia provided the following definition of anger:

[1] Anger is an emotional state that may range from minor irritation to intense rage. The physical effects of anger include increased heart rate, blood pressures, etc.

[2] Some view Anger as part of the fight or flight brain response to the perceived threat of pain.

[3] Anger becomes the predominant feeling behaviorally, cognitively and physiologically when a person makes the conscious choice to take action to immediately stop the threatening behavior of another outside force.

How anger affects you physicallyWhat are some warning signs the body gives letting

you know you are getting angry?

Physical signs: Heightened tension, shortness of breath, rapid heart rate, headache or stomachache, clenching your fists, sweating

Emotional signs: Depression, guilt, anxiety, release through tears or yelling

Other signs: Craving alcohol, cigarettes, food, or something to help you relax

AngryFuming

Irate

UpsetMad

Irritated

Outraged

EnragedEnraged

Furious

BristlBristlinging

Raging

Seething

Words that Describe Feelings of Anger

Danger!Danger! Danger!Danger! Danger!Danger!““There’s nothing wrong with occasional, There’s nothing wrong with occasional, moderate anger. It creates no lasting harm. But moderate anger. It creates no lasting harm. But chronic, sustained anger can be a serious chronic, sustained anger can be a serious problem. By keeping the body in a constant state problem. By keeping the body in a constant state of emergency, chronic anger can contribute to of emergency, chronic anger can contribute to hypertension, heart disease, and increased hypertension, heart disease, and increased mortality from all causes” (McKay & Rogers, mortality from all causes” (McKay & Rogers, 2000, p. 10).2000, p. 10).

Anger PayoffsAnger PayoffsWhy express anger? Everyone releases Why express anger? Everyone releases anger in their own way to meet their own anger in their own way to meet their own needs. needs.

Expressing anger might allow you to Expressing anger might allow you to

manipulate and control others through manipulate and control others through aggressive and intimidating behavior. aggressive and intimidating behavior.

Expressing anger releases tension.Expressing anger releases tension. Expressing anger can reduce stress.Expressing anger can reduce stress. Expressing anger can hide emotional pain.Expressing anger can hide emotional pain. Expressing anger gets attention.Expressing anger gets attention. Expressing anger can be used for Expressing anger can be used for

punishment and revenge.punishment and revenge.

How Does Anger Affect

Relationships?Anger can result in domestic violence.People who are around the angry person tend to shut down in order not to anger that person. Others get their feelings hurt.Other people become defiant, become indifferent, avoid you, or lose respect for the angry person.

Improve communication skills

Communication is a two-way process.

In successful communication, the sender is clear and accurately conveys the message he is trying to send, then the receiver clearly understands the message.

Miscommunication occurs if the sender does not send a clear message or the receiver does not understand the message being sent by the sender.

Establish Healthy Boundaries Establish Healthy Boundaries for Your Angerfor Your Anger

• When your anger becomes too intense, stop and walk away. For example, if the anger seems to be a 7 or more on a 10-point scale, STOP!

• Physical violence is never acceptable.• Set a limit on how much anger will be expressed

toward a loved one.• Respect needs to be mutual.• Yelling is not necessary to get your point across.• Let the other person have the last word.• Call a timeout so the discussion can be resumed

when everyone is more rational.(Gentry, pp. 308-309)

The following are steps to successful communication within a family or group:

1. Everyone in the conflict be included. 2. Allow everyone time to calm down if needed. 3. Use neutral language. 4. No name-calling. 5. Each person’s request needs to be considered and

each person’s opinion needs to be heard. 6. Everyone should use active listening skills. 7. Generate new solutions to resolve the conflict. 8. Use humor. 9. Discuss each idea. 10.Vote or agree on a solution before the issue is

considered resolved.

How to deal with angry feelings effectively

Identify stressors and learn stress-management techniques and relaxation skills.

Take steps to establish real communication skills.

Identify the emotional baggage from childhood issues.

Learn to recognize your body’s reactions to anger.Learn

to state yourtrue feelings.

Attempt to see things from the other person’s perspective.

The following are some steps you can

take to prevent an angry outburst:

The three R’s:

1. Relax2. Rethink3. Redirect

Create Coping ThoughtsCreate coping thoughts and use these thoughts to stay in control of anger. Coping thoughts can help a person to stay calm and relaxed.

Some thoughts could be: take a deep breath and relax, I can manage this because I’m in control, I don’t have to take this so seriously, I can get through this.

Commit to using these thoughts whenever there are feelings of anger, as this is a tool that can be effective in maintaining control of anger and aggression.

Think of situations that provoke anger and plan a coping response for these in advance.

(McKay & Rogers, pp. 71-82)