ann dominguezsoc114

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Ann Dominguez

Soc 114 James Shannon

T/Th 950-1120

June 5,2001

Divorce

Once upon a time two people fell in love and said I do till death did them part. Today

people say, I do and it can last anywhere from 6 months to a lifetime. Divorce happens in

America so often. The divorce rate in America is 40 percent and if trends continue the way they are

going it will be 50 percent. There are three reasons for divorce: financial, infidelity, and children. I

will show research on why people get divorced, and how it affects the family, and society.

In todays society financial stability is hard to come by. In homes today only 22 percent of

mothers can afford to stay home and be a house wife. Most families require both the husband and

wife to have a steady income. With the growing rates in un- employment the rising mortgages,

there is no wonder why divorce is constantly growing. With that being said, money is still the

number one reason for divorce in America.

People get divorced for financial reason because either they have too much money, too little

money, how the money gets spent etc.

Poverty is the number one reason why couples do not last today. In a marriage if the

couple is struggling financially they tend to have more fights. Fights because the man may feel as

if they are not doing their job adequately. It has been this way since the beginning of time that it

is a mans job to tend to his family be the bread winner. In todays times when a family struggles

financially a man feels it is their fault they are not doing enough. Another part takes place when a

woman is the bread winner of the family, when they bring home all the money a man feel like less

of a man which, then in part leads right back to them not taking care of business. Not having


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enough money causes problems and arguments about where the next meal will come from, will the

rent be paid this month? These things cause an enormous amount of stress on both individuals in

the marriage which causes them to fight and lose sight of love. Security becomes a question, and

they may think if they love me enough isnt there more that can be done to take care of their home.

Everyday life becomes one fight after another. Poverty destroys the love that was once there;

poverty can take love and destroy it. Poverty is reality and truth staring each person in the face; it

needs to be dealt with for a marriage to work.

A financial aspect that has become a bigger problem in marriages is separate accounts. The

lack of security. While reading an article8 ways to overcome financial fears; I read woman need

to be ready for anything. They should have their own account with 3-6 months of savings just in

case they are left out in the cold.1When people get married it is sad to know that they dont have

enough trust installed in the other person to know that financially they may not be compatible. In a

marriage the money has to be equal. Whether one works and one doesnt, all money needs to be

accounted for. If there is lying, cheating, and stealing right under the roof then there are bound to

be problems. Money decisions need to be made by both parties no matter who makes more or less.

Before you say I Do, both people need to be up to speed on what is in the others wallet. Both

should know how the others credit rating is, where and what money is being spent on. It has to be

complete honesty between both parties, it has to start here. In the article 8 ways to break your

money fears, It says, you need to be aware of your budget. Both parties need to be educated on

what is being spent, and what is being saved. A clear budget needs to be drawn up in a marriage,

and it will eliminate fears and fights. 2Being educated can eliminate poverty in a marriage.

Poverty is one way a marriage can end up in divorce. For the love of money is the root of

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all kinds of evil, some people eager for money have wandered from faith and pierced themselves

with many griefs3. Too much money can also lead to problems and the end of a marriage. One

third of Americas top 50 leading women have trophy husbands staying at home taking care of the

children. Likewise the men who have the money also have their trophy wives sitting at home. Idle

hands are the devils playground, they lead to sin, is what the bible says. When people have too

much money they also have the power and time to create trouble. Too much money can lead to

other problems in a marriage. It allows them to do other things ordinary people may not be able to

pull off or hide with their money. It can pay for secrets to be held, secrets which destroy families.

Having too much money can be a bad thing.

How much is just enough money you ask? There is no perfect amount money to keep

problems out and love in a marriage. Money is a constant issue in a marriage. When both parties

are on the same page and are making it from day to day and have a dollar to spare they are doing

ok. As long as money is not in your every thought consuming your every breath a marriage can

survive. The marriage can be healthy and move forward and avoid divorce at least in that aspect.

Last night a woman went out with her girlfriends for their once a month girls outing. They

went to dinner at Applebees restaurant talked and gossiped, and had a great evening. It was a lot of

fun, the cute waiter kept flashing your friend that cute smile, only thing is your girlfriend has a nice

pretty gold ring on her finger. When leaving you noticed your friend exchange numbers with this

cute waiter, hey whats going on?!

Infidelity is the number two reason for divorce in America. Infidelity is when either the

man or woman in the marriage has an extra marital affair. Yes, both men and women cheat in

todays marriages. In todays marriage women are cheating just as often as men. Do you

remember that part in your vows when the preacher said, no cheating is allowed, it is actually

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phrased differently, but it means the same thing. Every person who cheats thinks they wont get

caught, but they always get caught. Some cheat and say itll only be this one time, but more often

than not it becomes more then that one time.

More often than not there are signs of infidelity in a marriage. Infidelity is usually a sign of

other problems inside of a marriage. Causes of infidelity are stress inside the marriage, lack of

communication, sexual problems inside of the marriage these may all be causes for the affair.

There are many reasons people cheat on the other person, either way it is not right. One may say if

one is cheating then it is ok for the other, an eye for an eye, but when it comes to something so

emotional the damage is done leave it at that .

Both woman and men are capable of cheating and there are different warning signs in both

situations. Usually affairs happen with someone the couple knows or spends a lot of time with. In

America 50 percent of marriages will suffer from their partner having an affair. Having an affair is

one of the most heartbreaking thing a couple can go through inside of their marriage.

Infidelity ruins a marriage and causes a divorce and separation because it destroys the

building blocks of a marriage. Infidelity ruins the trust which is the foundation of a marriage. All

affairs eventually reach the surface, and when they do that is when the right choices need to be

made. There is no excuse for the affair. Feelings need to be validated though by the other. Trust has

been loss and one person or both may feel betrayed. Heartbreak has been dealt, and now needs to

be dealt with. Three things need to be done to end an affair and fix a marriage. The person needs to

come clean, break it off, and deal with the withdrawals of the separation Couples need to deal with

these issues in able to keep their marriage and work through it.

Infidelity may not always cause an end to a marriage, but usually people want the easy way

out and see it as a one way ticket out. Infidelity goes against the rules of marriage and breaks down


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marriage as an institution, it causes divorce, and splits families apart, but it doesnt always have to

be the end. It can be the end to lies, but the beginning of a new trust and a stronger love.

Children who doesnt love children? Everyone loves children right, no wrong. This brings

us to the third reason for divorce. Children can be the cause of divorce and sadly when a parent

says its not your fault sometimes it sometimes can be. Children per say are not the actual cause of

the divorce but the lack of communication between the adults. When they said their vows they

didnt say I want 2 children one boy one girl. Both parties never agreed on that. Nor at the alter did

they say we are going to raise them this way, and your mother can tell me how to feed them, etc.

So when two become three, and it becomes mommy, daddy, and baby make three, there may not

always be that smooth sailing transition.

Children and whether we want them, or not. How we raise them, discipline them, or dont

scold them when we should, cause a lot of tension on marriages. As we read above there are

already so many other factors we have to stress about to avoid divorce now were throwing kids in

the mix.

Here are some facts after the first child is born in a marriage; it will be some of the most

challenging times for a couple. Daddy feels neglected because the baby gets all the attention.

Mommy feels fat and not as sexy, she thinks her boobs sag from nursing. The baby loves mommy

more because shes the food source. Why is my husband not helping me more, I need him! It is a

constant fight between the couple because both have issues they are dealing with, and feeling

inferior, and also trying not to let the other know they are feeling bad, because they may feel like

their feelings are silly. When a child is brought into a marriage things are going to change it is

inevitable, so keep lines of communication open, let the other know how your feeling this is one


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way to help the change along.

Divorce doesnt just affect the people separating it affects the entire family even the dog.

Some couples think they are unhappy but they should stay married for the kids sake. Here is some

advice, do yourself a favor and get a divorce. People who stay in a marriage where there is

cheating, fighting, lying, and such are hurting their children all the same. A child who undergoes

the constant bickering and escalating arguments of their parents undergoes a lot of stress and

emotional stress, which is not good for their development. In recent studies it shows children who

have problems in the home have more likely of a chance to have learning disabilities in school. So

getting a divorce helps one situation, but it may not help all. When childrens parents split up and

start living separately, it shakes things up within the child. It may cause confusion, and anger

within children. They may start having outbreaks of rage and social disturbances, older kids may

turn to peer pressure such as drugs or sex. Children need to find an outlet to harvest their feelings

of hurt and confusion. Parents need to be honest with children and let them know what is going on,

what will be changing, and how it will affect them. If children are aware of the plan it helps them

to cope. Communication and trust are the strongest binds of all relationships; they are what we

build upon. When trust is broken in any level it trickles down and touches every life around it.

Children are adversely affected with divorce. Divorce harms a child psychologically all the

time. Often children do not understand the reason of divorce and why they have to get caught in

the middle of it. Whether you mean to or not the children are affected the most, they will be what is

fought over the most. Now the children have two different houses to adapt and live in, and two

different rules and schedules to adjust to. It is said whatever it is that you did not like about your

spouse well now they can do it all the time, and you cannot say anything because they are in their

own home. Children get caught in custody battles all the time, which causes them stress. They are


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fought about financially, if someones not paying enough child support, which can make them feel

like they have a price tag on them. Children do not ask to come into this world, yet when dealing

with a divorce sometimes they may feel like they werent supposed to come into the situation, and

would be happier if they werent in it.

Children are our tomorrow, everything we do whether good or bad, they see and it affects

them in some way. Marriage today is not what it once was. It is not held with such grace and

dignity everyone seems to think they can find something else if it doesnt work out. That is what is

wrong with society. The media portrays everything to be better in the other field, and that life

always goes on. Truth is there may not be a second chance. Someone cheats with their buddys girl,

it affects too many people. Do not be so quick to jump in the cold water, wait it out, and think

about everything. Once you say, I do life as you know it will never be the same. It will be what

you make it, and the choices you make will always affect you and those surrounding you, someone

is always watching even when you think their not.

Divorce affects society in so many ways.


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References

: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Moses_Wright

Article Source:http://EzineArticles.com/442793

Divorce papers.org

articles.moneycentral.msn.com

divorcerate.org

http://www.womensinfidelity.com/

www.marriagebuilders.com

www.surviveinfidelityhq.com

Author: Knabb, Joshua J.Brokaw, David W.

Reimer, Kevin S.Welsh, Robert K.,

SOURCE:Journal of Psychology & Christianity, Spring2009, Vol. 28 Issue 1, p44-56; , 13p

By:Riggio, Heidi R.. Personal Relationships, Mar2004, Vol. 11 Issue 1, p99-114, 16p, 4 Charts;

DOI: 10.1111/j.1475-6811.2004.00073.xSubjects: MARITAL conflict; RECOLLECTION (Psychology); YOUNG adults -- Psychology;

PARENT & child; SOCIAL networks; ANXIETY

Database: Psychology and Behavioral Sciences Collection

By:Wilson, Wendy L.. Essence (Time Inc.), Jul2007, Vol. 38 Issue 3, p85-89, 4p, 3 Color

Photographs

Subjects: PERSONAL finance; FINANCIAL planning; SAVING & investment; RETIREMENTincome; FINANCE

Database: Psychology and Behavioral Sciences Collection
http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Moses_Wrighthttp://ezinearticles.com/442793http://ezinearticles.com/442793http://www.womensinfidelity.com/http://www.marriagebuilders.com/http://www.surviveinfidelityhq.com/http://www.surviveinfidelityhq.com/http://www.surviveinfidelityhq.com/http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Moses_Wrighthttp://ezinearticles.com/442793http://www.womensinfidelity.com/http://www.marriagebuilders.com/http://www.surviveinfidelityhq.com/

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