another beautiful day

8/3/2019 Another Beautiful Day

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AndrewParks

AnotherBeautifulDay

Thedoorleadingintoapartment7Chadoncebeenpaintedadeepburgundytomatchthewood

panelingofthenarrowhallwaybuttimeandpoormaintenancehadcrackedandfadedboththepaint

andthepaneling.Theoldpaintwasslowlypeelingfromthedoorinlongstripsthatonlymovedwhen

thedooropenedandpushedthemaside.Insidetheapartment,stacksofrottingunpackedboxeslined

mostofthestained,yellowingwalls.Asmallcouchheldtogetherbyducttapeandtheoddnailsat

betweentwoofthelargerstacksofboxes.Directlyacrosstheroomfromit,anequallysmalltelevision

witharabbit-earantennawassetatopyetanotherbox.Overtime,thisboxhadgraduallygivenintothe

weightoftheTVthatnowsatcantedslightlytotheright.

Theonlydemarcationbetweenthisroomandthekitchenwaswherethegrimybrowncarpeting

gavewaytowarpedandsplinteringwoodflooring.Thekitchen,whichbarelyqualifiedforthename,had

aquarter-sizedstovejammedbetweenonewallandthesink.Aslowdripplinkedagainstthedrainasit

hadforyears.Rusthadformedaroundthedrainofthesinkandeventuallymadeaninexorablemarch

upfromthereuntilitcoverednearlytheentiresink.Therefrigeratorwasanoldgreenmodelthattook

upthegreatmajorityofthekitchen.Thedrysmellofmoldpermeatedtheapartmentinwavesfromthe

cupboardbeneaththesink.Uponreachingthelivingroom,thesmellofmoldmixedwithandworsened

thesicklysmellofrottingtake-outfood.

Inthemiddleofthecouch,amiddle-agedmannamedJohnCummingssunkintothecollapsing

cushions.HisgazerestedontheblankscreenoftheTVacrosstheroombuthemadenomovetoturnit

on.Anunlitcigarettedroopedbetweenhislipsasithadcountlesstimesbefore.Heidlyrubbedhis

thumbsbackandforthoverthematteblackmetalandthefalse-woodgripofhishandgun.Inhispocket,

hiscellphoneraspedoutitstinnyimitationofabell,tellinghimitwastimeforwork.

Hesighedashesetthegunasidethenpulledthecigarettefromhislipsandreturnedittoits

batteredpack.Hestoodandrootedabouttheroomforhisworkshirt.Hefounditcrumpledbesidethe


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couch;itstoodoutfromhisdrabcarpetduetothelargegoldenMsewnonthefront.Ittookamoment

forhimtorealizethatthematchingcapwasstillonhisheadfromhisshiftthedaybefore.Hepulledthe

blackMcDonaldsshirtoverthehatandpushedthebillbackwhenitcaughtonthecollar.Theshirt

reekedofsweatandfryoilandJohnassumedthatheprobablydidaswell.

Johncheckedtomakesurehiswalletwasinhisbackpocketbeforeleavinghisapartment.He

didntbothertolockthedoor;mostpeopledidnotrealizehisbuildingwasoccupied.Onthewallacross

fromhisdoorwasasmallsignateyelevelwithahandpointingtotheleft;underneaththehandwas

writtenBathroom.Judgingfromthesmellhangingintheair,Johnsupposedthatthetoiletwasbacked

upagain.Heturnedrightandwalkedtotheendofthehall,pasttheelevatorwhichhehadneverseen

operational,andthroughthebrokenglassdoortothestairwell.Johnhatedthestairs.They,liketherest

ofthebuilding,wereoldandpoorlymaintainedandJohnsapartmentwasontheseventhfloor.He

didntknowifanyonelivedonthefirstsixfloorsbuthedidntcaretocheck.Hewasjustgratefulnotto

liveontheeighthfloor;sevenflightsofstairswereenough.

Ashereachedthegroundlevel,Johnpausedtolookathisreflectionintheintactglassdoor

there.Bloodshotblueeyesstaredbackathimfromadroopingandtimewornface.Hishighcheekbones

barelyshowedthroughthesheathsofsaggingfleshthatstressandabaddiethadgivenhim.Henoticed

forthefirsttimethathislongnosethathadoftenbeencomparedtoaneaglesbeaknowjustlooked

likeanoldratsnose.Hisclotheswerewrinkledandspeckledwithbleachstains.Threedaysworthof

beardshadowedhisjawandhishairshotoutwiryandwildfrombeneathhiscap.

Withagrunt,heshovedagainsthisreflectionandthedoorgroundopenwithascreechofrusty

hinges.Hecrossedwhatpassedforalobbyinthebuildingwithfourstepsandpulledtheheavywooden

dooropentoleave.BladesofbrightsunlightstabbedhiseyesasJohncrossedthethresholdandhe

squintedtodulltheirbite.Hepulledasmallsilverflaskfromhispantspocketandtookaswigofthe


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vodkawithin.Heshudderedasthestringentliquidburneditswaytohisstomachandsmolderedinhis

gut.

Anotherbeautifulday,hemutteredashecappedtheflaskandwalkedtowork.

JohnstoodatthesinkinthebackofMcDonaldswithhisarmssubmergedtotheelbowsin

soapywater.Heslowlyslidadishtowelacrossthefacesoftheusedtraysfromthebreakfastrush,

wipingthemorestubbornbitsoffoodfromthepebbledsurfaces.Hehummedquietlyalongwiththe

musicplayinginthebackground.Hedidnotlikethesongthatwasplaying,butitwasbetterthan

nothinganditplayedenoughtimesforhimtoknowthetune.

Hey,John,cameavoicefrombehindhim.

Johnglancedoverhisshoulderandsawanotheremployeewalkingintostarthisshift.Matt,

hesaidbywayofgreetingasheturnedbacktothecoolingwater.

Mattwalkedtohissmalllockernearthesinkandpulleditopen;noneofthelockershadlocks.

Inside,hishatsatatophisworkshirt.Hepulledbothoutandputtheshirtonovertheonehewas

wearingthenplacedthecaponhishead.Hecheckedhisreflectioninamirrorthatencouraged

employeestolooktheirbestthenturnedtofaceJohn.

SoIheardajoketheotherdayIthoughtyoumightlike,hesaid.

JohnconsideredignoringMattinthehopesthathewouldgoawaybutinsteadsaid,Ohyeah?

Hisvoicewasflatandhedidnotlookupfromthetrays.

Mattsmiled.Ohyeah.Itsagoodone.SotheresthistouristcoupledrivingthroughLaJollaand

theystartarguingabouthowtopronouncethenameofthetown.Sotheystopforlunch,andwhile

theyreordering,theyaskthecashier,Canyoutelluswhereweare?Howdoyoupronounceit?The

employeereplies,speakingslowly,Burrrr-gerrrrrKiiiiiiiiing.Hestoppedwithanexpectantlookonhis

face.


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Johnrepliedwithanoncommittalgruntashedrainedthesinkstoreplacethecoldwater.

Mattlaughed.Ah,Illgetyouoneofthesetimes.HepattedJohnonthebackashewentto

thefrontcountertotakeorders.

Acouplehoursafterhefinishedwiththetrays,Johnleanedagainstthebackwallofthe

McDonaldsduringhisbreak.Heneverdidanythingthere;hewassimplycontentnottobeinside.Ashe

stood,thebackdooropenedandMattwalkedout.HeturnedandlookedatJohn.MattremindedJohn

ofahippiewithshorthairandnoflowers.ThevaguesmellofmarijuanathathungaboutMattdidnot

improvethisimage.

Fancymeetingyouhere,Mattsaidlightly.

Mmhmm,Johnreplied.

Youseemabitoutofittoday,man.Youdoingokay?

Fine.JohnturnedslightlyawayfromMatt,pretendingtoshieldhimselffromalightbreeze

thatwasskirtingthearea.Neitherspokeforafewminutes.

Hey,John,canIbumasmoke?MattaskedthebackofJohnshead.

JohndidnotlookatMattashereplied,Idontsmoke.

Oh,comeon.Icanseeapackinyourpocket.Dontbestingy.Mattchuckledtolightenthe

toneoftheremark.

Johnlookeddownatthesquarebulgeofthecigarettepackinhispocket.

Johnhadbeensittingonthecouchinthelivingroomwhilehiswife,Alice,hadbeenbrushing

herteethinthebathroom.Hehadbeenflippingthroughthechannelsandpausedtosetacigarette

betweenhislips.

John,honey,shehadcalled.Imheadingforbed.


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Alright,hedreplied.Illbethereinaminute.Heclickedalighterbeneaththetipofthe

cigaretteandwaitedasecondwhiletheflametook.Drawingadeeplungfulofsmoke,Johnlounged

backintothecouchbeforelettingthesmokeoutasarelaxedsigh.

Alicepokedherheadinfromthehallwayandwrinkledhernose.Ithoughtyousaidyouwere

quitting.

Ijustwanttofinishoutthispack.Itsonlygotoneafterthis.Hepausedtotakeanotherdrag.

Plus,Ipaidforthewholething.Imightaswellgetmymoneysworth.Heopenedhispackandshowed

hertheremainingcigarette.Onemorethennomore.

Sheshookherheadwithaslightsmirk.Alright,alright.Atleastopenthewindow.Youllstink

upthewholehousewiththosethings.

Johngaveherthethumbsupsign.Willdo,babe.

Sheblewhimakiss.Night.

Gnight.Shedisappearedintothehallwayashestoodandopenedthenearestwindow.He

returnedtothecouchandlaydownbeforeresuminghischannelsurfing.

IttookJohntenminutestofallasleepwiththeremotestillinhandandthelitcigarettestillinhis

lips.IttookonlyafewsecondsmoreforthecigarettetodropoutandlandontheTVGuide.The

smolderingtipsmokedforabitbeforethepapercaughtanditspreadrapidlyacrosstherecentlylaid

carpeting.

Johnwokewhenthefirehadreachedthekitchenandfilledthesecondfloorwithsmoke.

NeithertheroaringoftheflamenorthedifficultyinbreathinghadwokenJohnbutatongueofflame

thatlickeduphishanginglegbroughthimoutofhissleep.Uponwakingandfeelingthepain,he

panickedandranfromthehousebeforehecollapsed,coughinginthefrontlawn.Ittookanother

twentyminutesforacalltobemadeandthefiredepartmenttorespondbutbythen,Johnhadpassed


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outfromtheshockofhispartiallycookedlegandAlicehaddiedintheirsecondfloorbedroom,

suffocatedbythefumes.

John?MattsnappedhisfingersinfrontofJohnsface.Youbeenhearingme,man?

Johnkickedoffofthewall.Idontsmoke,hemutteredagainashewalkedbackinside.

CouldIgetaumhm.Thewomanatthecounterstaredstupidlyatthemenuoverhis

shoulder.Shewasashort,dumpywomanwhocameineverydayforlunchbutneverknewwhatshe

wanted.Johnidlywonderedifshecouldactuallyreadorifshewasjustlookingatthepictures.Hisshift

wasnearlyoverandhetappedhisfingersimpatientlyonthetopoftheregisterasthewomantriedto

decidebetweenanumberfourandanumberfive.Hisgazesliddownherbulbousfaceandcametoa

restonherthickneck.Hebrieflyimaginedwrappinghishandsarounditandstranglingherbut

disregardeditasimpossible,protectedasherneckwasbyherthirdandfourthchins.

Ivegotit,thewomanexclaimed,hernecksjigglingmerrily.Illhaveanumbersix!

Johngrimacedashepunchedinthesamemealsheorderedeverydayregardlessofhowlong

shestoodstandingandstaring.Sheslowlyslidhersweatydebitcardthroughthemachineandit

completedthetransaction.Hestoodforaminuteafterthetransactionwasoverandwatchedthe

womanwaddletothesodamachine.Themassiverollingofherfatheldhimtransfixeduntilshestopped

tofillherextra-largecupwithhalfdiet,halfregularCoke.Likeitwouldhelp.

Hey,Cummings!JohnwincedatthepiercingvoiceandturnedtoseeLeon,theshiftmanager,

slideasmallcardboardboxdowntheslide.Sandwichisready,getthefriesandhandoutthemeal.

Johnturnedtothefrychuteandfoundthatithadnothinginitbutgreaseandsalt.Ah,hell,he

murmuredanddroppedabasketoffrozenfriesintothehotoil.Itrewardedhimwiththefamiliarboiling

sizzle.Leonwatchedthiswithbeady,littleeyesandstormedoutfrombehindthegrill,displeasure

clearlywrittenacrosshispockmarkedface.


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Cummings,whatthehelliswrongwithyou?hemutteredjustquietlyenoughnottobeheard

inthelobby.Werenotsobusythatyoucouldntkeepupwiththefries.Itsnothard!NowMrs.

Nussbaumhastowaitwhilenewfriescookbecauseyoudroppedtheball.

JohnstaredatLeon.Seriously?Itonlytakesaminuteandahalftocookfries.Imsureshe

wontmakeittoatableinthattime.

LeonpushedJohnoutofthewayandfinishedfillingtheorder.WhenhehandeditoutandMrs.

Nussbaumwassafelyoutofsight,heturnedonJohn.Alright,Cummings,comebacktotheoffice.We

needtotalk.

JohnfollowedobedientlybehindLeonashewalkedtothebackoftherestaurant.Ashepassed

thesinks,hecouldseeMattcomeoutofthefreezerwithabagoffrozenbuns.MattglancedatJohn

thenLeonthenbackatJohn.Hemouthedthewordsgoodluck.Johnnoddedandthenturnedtogo

intoasmallroomthatservedasthemanagersofficebymeritofhavingacomputerinit.Leonsatinthe

onlychairandspunittofaceJohn.HetriedtolookimperiousbutfailedashehadtolookupatJohn

whowasstillstanding.ListenCummings,theothermanagersandIhavenoticedthatyourattitude

hasntbeenexactlyuptostandardlately.Johnlookedatthecorkbulletinboardontheoppositewall.

Thecalendarhadaredflagstuckonthatdaysdatewithhisnamewrittenonit.Subtle.

LeoncontinuedtalkingbutJohnstoppedlistening.Hedbeenfiredbefore,heknewthe

speechesandhewastiredofLeonsvoice.Listen,Leon,hesaidinawearyvoice.Justshutthefuck

up.Leonseyeswidenedslightlyashewascutoffmid-word.Johntookoffhishatanddroppeditin

Leonslapbeforeturningandwalkingoutoftherestaurant.Leonsatstaringdumbfoundedathisback.

MattcalledoutagoodbyethatJohnbarelyheardasthedoorshutbehindhim.Johnmadeitthree

blocksbeforerealizingthathewasstillwearingtheMcDonaldsshirt.Hetookitoffandtosseditinthe

gutter.Filthswilledarounditanditblendedrightin.


8/13

Johnwalkedslowlydownthelaststreetbeforehisbuilding,hiseyescenteredonthesidewalk

justaheadofhisfeet.Inonehandheheldthefreeissueoflocalclassifiedsfromthenearbygasstation.

Hewascompletelyoblivioustothewomanwalkingtheoppositedirection.She,however,noticedhim.

Jay?sheasked,hervoicetingedwithsurprise.Jay,isthatyou?

Johnlookedupatthesoundofhisoldnicknameandwidenedhiseyeswhenhesawafacefrom

thepast.HehadntseenSarahCarterinoversevenyears.Hello,Sarah,hemumbled.

Sarahsfacesplitinawidesmileasshewrappedherarmsaroundhisshoulders.Jay!Howare

you?

John,herepliedwithoutreturningthehug.

What?Shereleasedthehug.

ItsJohn,notJay.

Oh,sherepliedsomewhatsubduedbytherebuke.Imsorry.

Johngruntedinreplyandmadetocontinuewalkingpasther.

Shesteppedinfrontofhim.Listen,John,whatreyoudoingtonight?

Nothing,hemuttered.Nowleavemealone.

Shefurrowedherbrow.No,John,Iwont.Ivebeenaskingaroundaboutyoulately.Noonehas

heardfromyouforthepasteightyears.Notsincethatnight.

Johnshovedhertotheside.Andtheresareasonforit,hegrowled,hisangerrising.Dous

bothafavorandfuckoff.Heturnedawayandstartedbacktowardhisapartment.

SarahgrabbedJohnbytheelbowandwrenchedhimbacktofaceher.Damnit,John,listento

me!Youcantjustpretendlikenothinghappened,livingoutherelikeahermit.Therearestillpeopleout

therewhocareaboutyou.Sheputahandonhisshouldertostophimfromturningagain.


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Johnsweptherhandfromhisshoulderandfixedherwithalevelstare.Hecouldfeeltears

wellingupasherfamiliarfeaturesbroughtuppainfulmemories.Imgoinghome.Isuggestyoudothe

same.Heturnedforathirdtimeandbeganwalkingaway.

Sarahmadenomovetostophimthistime.Inavoicelinedwithiceshesaid,Youstillsmoking,

Jay?Hestoppedatthequestionwithoutturning.Ilostsomethingthatnight,too.Shewasmysister.

Johnwheeledaroundandstormedintoherface.YouthinkIdontknowthat?heroared.I-

Hestoppedandtookadeepbreath,lettingitoutslowly.Listen,youlostasisterthatnight.I

understandthatbutyoustillhavealife.Youstillhaveafamily.

Sarahseyesglistenedwiththeapproachoftears.Youhaveafamily,too,John.Shereached

upandputherhandonhisbicep.Yourestillmybrother.

Johnbrushedherhandaway.Thatlinkdiedwithyoursister,hemuttered.

Sheslappedhimhardacrossthefaceandlookedintohiseyesforasecondbeforewalkingpast

him.Shestoppedafterafewsteps.SteveandIwantedtoinviteyoutodinnertonight,shesaid

withoutturning.Yourestillwelcometocomeifyoucangetoveryourself.Shelefthimstandingalone

onthesidewalk.

JohnranahandthroughhishairashewatchedSarahwalkaway.Damnit,hemutteredashe

resumedwalkingtheotherway.

Asheapproachedhisapartmentdoor,henoticedasmallpieceofpapertapedtoitateyelevel.

Herippeditoffandwentinside.Hetookfourstepsbeforeitoccurredtohimthatsomethingwas

differentabouthisapartment.Hecouldseethatmostofthetrashabouthisapartmenthadbeen

cleanedupandleftbesidehisdoorintwolarge,blackplasticbags.Hetossedtheclassifiedsontohis

couchandglancedintohisdarkbedroom.Hisdirtyclothes,whichhadpreviouslylitteredthefloorlikea

secondcarpet,hadbeenpiledwithinamovingboxwhichhadbeenemptysincehehadmovedin.


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Johnsighedashewalkedintothebedroom.Therewasnobedintheroom,onlyabrokendown

mattressshovedagainstonewall,aspringjuttingoutfromitsside.Hedroppedontothemattressandit

screechedametallicprotest.Hiseyestracedthecontoursofthetexturedceilingforafewminutes,

followingthetinyvalleysbetweentheminusculepeaksofacousticaltexturing.Thereweremany

patcheswheretheoldtexturehadpeeledoff,leavingyellowundercoatholesintheonlyslightlywhiter

finalcoat.

Johnliftedthenoteupsoitwouldcatchthelightfromthelivingroomandreadit.

Jay,

ThisisSarah.Ivebeentryingtotrackyoudownforawhilenow.Ihope

youdontmindthatIcleanedupsomewhileIwaitedforyoutocome

back.Weneedtotalk.SteveandIwouldlikeyoutocometodinner

tonight.Callme.

Heclosedhiseyesandrubbedthebridgeofhisnose.Shemusthaveleftthenotenotexpecting

tomeethiminthestreet.

Fuckedthatup,too,John,hemutteredashelookedatthenumbershehadwrittenacrossthe

bottom.Itdidnotmatchwiththeonethatwasstillprogrammedintohisphoneforher.Hetooka

momenttoupdatehisphonethencrumpledthenoteandtosseditontothefloor.Hisphonebeeped

twice,oncehighpitchedandoncelow,beforeitsscreenflashedapictureofanemptybatteryandwent

blank.Johnreturnedtothelivingroomandpluggeditintothewalltocharge.

Hesatonthecouchandpickeduptheclassifieds.Alright,hesaidtotheemptyroom,lets

findanewjob.Hebeganscanningthroughthejoblistingswithapeninhandtocircletheonesthathe

foundinteresting.Acoupleminuteslater,heflippedthelastpagewithoutcirclinganyofthemsohe

startedagainlookingforjobsforwhichhewasqualified.Ittookslightlylongerashewasreadingthe

descriptionsnowinsteadofjustthejobtitles.Thistimethroughhefoundacouplethatmightwork.A


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localhighschoolneededanewjanitorandthegasstationhepickedtheclassifiedsupfromwaslooking

foramidnightshiftclerk.

Johnimaginedhimselfasahighschooljanitorandcouldntstomachthethoughtofworking

everydayatthemercyofabunchofteenagers.Hecalledthenumberlistedforthegasstationand

waitedthroughfifteenringsbeforehittingthereddisconnectbutton.Hesavedthenumberandthrew

awaytheclassifieds.

Hisstomachgrowledbutheignoredthebuildinghungerpain.Heshiftedonthecushionandfelt

somethinghardjabhisthigh.Hereachedbetweentwocushionsandpulledhishandgunoutofthe

couch.Thecoldblackmetalwassmoothunderhisfingersashebrushedthemalongitslength.Caressing

thegun,histhoughtsturnedbackoncemoretoacoldnighteightyearsprior.Johnreachedintohis

pocketandpulledoutthecigarettepack.Heopeneditupandplacedthelastcigarettebetweenhislips;

itstipdroopedtowardthefloor.Hecouldalmostsmellthesmokerisingfromthesmolderingremainsof

hishouse.Herememberedwatchingtheambulancedriveawayfromhisyard.Itdidnotrushorusethe

sirens;itsimplypulledintotrafficanddrovenormally.Johnthoughtoftheoldambulancesthat

resembledhearsesandwonderedwhytheystoppeddesigningthemlikethat.Itseemedmorepractical.

AtearrolleddownJohnscheekwhilehisthoughtsbegantoplaytheeventsofthenightin

reverse.Hiswifeswrysmilelingeredinhismind.Hecouldhearhersay,Ithoughtyousaidyouwere

quitting.

Johnsvoicecrackedashesaid,Imsorry.Moretearsfollowedthefirst.Imsosorry.You

wereright,babe.Youwereright.Hesetthegunbesidehimandcradledhisheadinhishands.Theunlit

cigarettedroppedtothefloor.Ishouldhavequit.YoudstillbehereifIquit.Hewaswrackedbydeep

painfulsobsasheslidsidewaysintoalyingposition.Forthefirsttimesincehewasasmallchild,John

criedhimselftosleep.


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WhenJohnwoke,hiseyesfeltrawandcrustyandhisthroatburned.Hereachedintohispocket

tocheckthetimeonhisphonebeforerememberingitwaspluggedintothewallbesidethecouch.He

retrieveditandfoundthatitwasonlylateafternoon.Hehadsleptonlyacoupleofhours.Returningto

thelivingroom,heopenedthecontactlistinhisphoneandscrolledthroughthemuntilhereached

Sarahsnumber.

Hisfingerhoveredoverthegreensendbuttonforaminuteinindecision.Thescreendarkened

tosavepowerwhilehewaited.Eventuallyhechangedhismindandscrolledituptothenumberforthe

gasstation.Itrangonlytentimesbeforehedisconnected.Damnit,hegrowled.Whatkindofgas

stationdoesntanswerthedamnphone?

HesatoncemoreonthecouchandoncemorescrolledhiscontactslisttoSarahsnumber.

Alright,justmakethecall,hesaid.Itwontkillyou.Heclosedhiseyesandpressedthesendbutton.

Hebroughtthephonetohisearandwaited.Itrangthreetimesbeforethelineconnected.

Hello,youvereachedtheCarterresidence,saidSarahschippervoice.Sarah-

Steve-Amansvoice.

Robbie-Ayoungboy.

AndAlice-squeakedalittlegirl.Johnsjawtightened.

Cannotcometothephonerightnow,finishedSarah.Pleaseleaveamessageafterthebeep.

Johnfeltamixofrageandsorrowwellingupfromhisabdomenashesmashedthedisconnect

buttonintothephone.Somethinginsidethephonecrackedunderthepressure.Hisbreathingwasshort

andshallowasheflungthephoneatthewall.Hepacedbackandforthacrosshislivingroom,suddenly

andmiserablyawareofwhatthelasteightyearshaddonetohim.HekickedhisTVoffoftheboxandit

landedonitssidewiththesoundofinternaldamagethoughthescreenandboxremainedundamaged.

Fuck!heyelledattheceiling.Goddamnit,whynotme?heroaredasheslammedafistintothewall.

Thedrywallcrumpledbeneaththeblowandtheskinoverhisknucklessplit.


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AndAlicerepeateditselfinhisheadoverandoveragainasheragedthroughhisapartment.

Aftertenminutes,hedroppedtohiskneesinthemiddleofthelivingroombesidehisoverturnedcouch.

Hisangerhadrunitscourseandnowthesorrowwastakingholdoncemore.Ittightenedwithinhis

chestuntilhefeltnothingbutthepainandhecrumpledintohimselfuntilthetopofhisheadtouched

thefloorinfrontofhisknees.Heclosedhiseyeshardasiftostopthetearsfromflowingbuttheycame

anyway.Makeitstop,hepleadedtonoone.Please.

Hedroppedfromhiskneesontohissideandopenedhiseyes.Afewinchesinfrontofhisface,

hisgunrestedonthefloor.Hisphonesatbesideit.Hereachedoutandgrabbedhisphone.Thedisplay

hadalargecrackdownthemiddleofitbutwhenhepushedthebuttontoopenhiscontactslist,itstill

triedtolightup.HescrolledthelisttoSarahsnumberbymemoryandpressedthesendbuttonagain.

Oncemoreitrangthreetimesthenthemachineplayed.AfterthebeepJohnspokeinavoicehoarseand

brokenbygrief,Iamsosorry,Sarah.

Hepressedthedisconnectbuttonbut,duetothecrackeddisplay,couldnottellthatthe

disconnectbuttonfailedtowork.Hedroppedthephoneandpickedupthehandgun.Heslidthebarrel

intohismouth.ThemetalwascoldandhardagainsttheroofofhismouthandJohnnotedinafar

detachedportionofhismindthathecouldnottastethemetal.Johnsheadrockedbackinunisonwith

thekickofthegunashepulledthetrigger.

Hisnowlimphanddroppedthegunandfellbesidehisphone.Aquietvoicewasissuingfromthe

phone.John!Ohgod,no.Please,John,answerme!

another beautiful day

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