anything but death by cubicle
TRANSCRIPT
How to not hang out with the office folks.
By: Mike HamanakaTo anyone with my same last name, please refer to me as
“The Hamanaka”
Anything but death by cubicle.Story told by the lead protagonist who is writing this personal
introduction while on his way to report for duty at an office job and to receive sentencing to his cubicle.
Published Monday morning at 7:30am, 6/25/12
The story behind: The Hamanaka
My email address is [email protected] to the frustration and dismay of my two brothers, my dad, my cousins, and all of these other people who I may or may not be related to with the same or similar last name.
Side note!
If you need several of your really large industrial structures coated with specialty coatings, or need parking lot striping, or need hazardous materials removed in Northern California, you should email my brother [email protected]
Ball of yarn and some chains? Anyone?
http://www.hamanaka.co.jp/ Home sewing kits.
http://www.hamanaka-chain.co.jp/ Chains for ships!
Good Citizen
I promptly reply to the author of the email, that they may have emailed the wrong Hamanaka, and that they should check that they have the correct email address.
Tajuki Hamanaka woodblock print artist. [email protected] Btw- nice designs Taj! We should collab on a site sometime.
Computer Training in Hiroshima Hamanaka.com is not my website.
Although they do coincidentally offer computer training, including powerpoint. They also have classes in some of the finest HTML and CSS styling I have ever seen! If you live near Hiroshima, you should stop in and learn Excel and Access from my namesakes.
Remove earbuds and now plug in your amplifier
Global Extranet DevOps Vertualize.com is my website. I use open source
spreadsheet software, I build huge community portals with Joomla! I can teach you how to turn a MySQL database into a functional communtiy resource. My team is global and we have been using FogBugz to stay organized for 2 years. As an organization we are all about the Cloud. My customers live in 6 countries and my team is distributed on 4 continents. I only want to deliver stunning and vibrant eye candy. We are phasing out the boring and bland workloads.
Michael Hamanaka
Facebook friends with me Beer Pong Champion Words with friends Champion Appears to have the game under control in
San Diego. Agreed to let him use Michael, I'll be Mike.
Mike Hamanaka 25 of my 28 years in some sort of school, eventually making
everyone so proud and so upset at the same time by earning a B.S. In Finance but not pursuing a career other than my hobby.
Operated an internet technology services company for 10 years, through and after college.
3 years of construction experience (when necessary to pay bills)
6 years child laborer/ranch-hand experience (I don't remember anything about any money)
3 months experience as a 10-ton water well drilling rig assistant.
Driven the highways of all 58 counties in California.
Roamed through 23 of 50 States, and 1 territory of the US.
Transacted business with Sovereign Nations of 3 Native American tribes.
Traveled to 8 countries on 3 continents.
Runs hella slow half marathons.
Attended 5 Joomla Day Events, sponsored 3 Joomla Days, volunteer coordinator of a SoCal Linux Expo, and participated in over 200 regional user group meetings, conferences, and technology related events, in the US, Canada, and Europe.
How to stay on topic!
“How to not hang out with the office folks.”
Offices are completely unnecessary.
Office People Love: Paper Paperwork Paper Airplanes The Paper Delivery guy, dislike the paper shredder guy (although,
paper shredder guy loves paper more than anyone) Printers and Copying Machines Filing Cabinets Rolling papers Commuting to be with the paper Professional Business Attire to look good for the paper, in case
something big happens because of the papers Free water in paper cups TV shows about their paperwork jobs Bringing their dog to work
Office Phobic People: Allergic reaction to paper. Eventually do not buy more ink cartridges. Inability to print resume. Tend to buy 1 way etickets for flights. Probably does not need a car. Petition to receive non-paper diplomas Still try to hang printed diploma PDF on consulting office
cubicle wall next to the cut-out Ferrari magazine ad. Subscribe to the Post-PC era. Believe in efficiency (might live with parents)
Anything but death by cubicle. Cubicles originated as work stalls likely
shared with animals. Employees get lured and dis-illusioned, later
settling by existing inside of offices that appear to provide the minimum or effective displays for each area of Maslow's “Hierchy of Needs”
Access to sophisticated hardware and software is now accomplished anywhere on demand and subsequently by demand making offices irrelevant.
The Hamanaka Solution If you are running Joomla, I highly
recommend that you Vertualize at once! [email protected]
What does it mean to Hamanaka? Vertualize Inc. was founded by Mike Hamanaka in 2002, has occaisionally had physical offices (3 of them, the truth!, each with a great story) and finally incorporated in 2010.
Our team agrees that “Virtualize” should come up as a spelling error globally.
What does it mean to Vertualize* ? *Vertualize Inc. is a team that helps you develop, migrate, integrate, and operate your online community website, product download infrastructure, service or live certifiable instructional delivery, payment facilitation infrastructure, customer support infrastructure, remote contribution mechanisms, and we can Vertualize an ecosystem interface custom tailored with the best quality that we can possibly offer with our loyal team. Consultancy limited to premiere municipalities, organizations, and “interesting to society” groups.
What does it mean to incorporate Vertualize Inc. into my project plan?
You will integrate an energetic and tight knit remote team with the project management expertise, execution capabilities, and knowledge curve efficiencies to facilitate growth as the priority of operating a Joomla community.
Destruction of the Team Maturing distributed agile development
methodologies disengage team atmosphere.
Birth of the automation of routine operations has decreased opportunities to connect with coworkers while not performing now obsolete mundane tasks.
Remote workers are in some cases likely to create fragmented or non-compatible early concepts as new team members.
The Reconstruction of the Team Communicate directly to your community on the devices they are using
with electronically assisted nearly telepathic-like communication powers. Share knowledge in a ubiquitous but controlled and planned manner. Cross empower each other through highly organized group communication
systems that are well integrated across your enterprise but completely decentralized on every level possible.
Encourage and commission competitive problem solving. Quickly provide resources to self governing and spontaneous teams. Infrastructure that accommodates an everyone participates methodology Foster confidence in organizational growth. Ask about the Vertualize Experience, or just call to say Wut up! down in
Socal or Whuzz Cracka-lackin' up in the Bay.
310-564-6444 Santa Monica707-267-1768 San Francisco
Quit this job and follow me.Join Team Vertualize
Solve Virtual Teamwork Issuesand Get Shit DONE!
At Vertualize Inc., we are always looking for new talent who can join our team. We look for people who are dedicated towards work, keen to learn new things, focused, and at the same time can have fun along with work.
We are looking for people who despise the requirement to be present in an office environment and are craving the opportunity to create opportunity for themselves through effective remote team collaboration.
Desire to define the future of business technology and help set the standard above the competitor's reach.