“grease – the megillah”...be small and drab. his new scepter for the “greased lightning”...

© Norman Roth 2007 GREASE – The Megillah

“Grease – The Megillah”

Online

Written by Norman Roth

Updated 01-05-21


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Author’s Notes • From the beginning of the show, the King’s Golden Scepter should

be small and drab. His new scepter for the “Greased Lightning” song should be large and grand.

• In “We Go Together,” we did not do an actual Power Point

presentation. We used poster boards as “screens” held up by two cast members while Frenchy and Rizzo did the spoken parts using pointers to follow the words on the posters.

• Depending on your situation, “Beauty School Dropout” should be “Hebrew School Dropout” (what we used), or “Romemu Dropout”.


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“Grease – The Megillah”

Musical Numbers

“Grease” (PP 6-8) ………………..…………………………...Entire Co. “Look at Me, I’m Sandra Dee” (P 9)…………………..………..Esther “Summer Nights” (PP 11-13)……………………..King, Vashti & Co. “Beauty School Drop Out” (PP 16-17)……………………...The Kids “Greased Lightnin’” (PP 20-21)…………………….…… King & Men “Sandra Dee Reprise” (P 23)………..…………….……….Mordechai “Born to Hand Jive” (P 25)…………………….………..Haman & Co. “We Go Together” (PP 28-29)……………………..………..Entire Co.


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LEGEND

N = Narrator A = Abraham G = God F = Frenchy R = Rizzo V = Vashti E = Esther D. K = King Achashveirosh Zuko M = Mordechai Doody H = Haman Kenickie B = Bigtan L = Littletan Cantor Rabbi Kids of Shushan


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THREE BLESSINGS – WITH “AMEN” AFTER EACH

N: In the beginning, God spoke to Abraham, and God said, G: Abraham – you must start a new religion – and call it Judaism

– and – you must spread the word. N: And, Abraham said to God, A: What is the word? N: And, God said to Abraham, G: Don’t you know what the word is? N: And, Abraham said to God, A: No I do not. N: And, God said to Abraham, G: Grease is the word! (nothing happens) Grease is the word! (nothing happens) Hey folks, that’s the SONG CUE

(Song - Grease)


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(Can be sung to the tune of: “Grease”) F: My name is Frenchy, and I go to school R: Say this is Rizzo here. I like to play it cool. F&R: We’re hangin’ out… and we’re kickin’ butts And we are proud to say The nice girls hate our guts Grease is the word All: Grease is the word, is the word, that’s absurd! K: King A-chash-vei-rosh Zuko, is my name V: Vashti, he don’t understand It’s just a crying shame K&V: We are two greasers from the Middle East K: I got my hair slicked back Even my scepter is greased K&V: Grease is the spiel All: Grease is the spiel, is the spiel, that’s the deal? All: It’s got love. It’s got feeling……… Grease is the King, is the Queen Is the Palace Grease is the way we are spiel-ing


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E: My name is Esther M: And I’m Mordechai I need a job real bad E: I go to Shushan Chai M: Please tell me Esther, do you have a last name? E: Dumbrowski, with a D M: There’s nothin’ like this here dame Grease is the spiel All: Grease is the spiel, is the spiel, that’s the deal All: It’s got love. It’s got feeling……… Grease is the King, is the Queen Is the Palace Grease is the way we are spiel-ing This is the story of Esther She’s got her troubles The plot will test her That’s the spiel here H: Haman Kenickie’s here to make you glum I am a real bad dude – I am a pain in the bum I am a bully – I can make you frown You better listen up You better start bowing down Grease is the spiel All: Grease is the spiel, is the spiel, that’s the deal


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All: It’s got love. It’s got feeling……… Grease is the King, is the Queen Is the Palace Grease is the way we are spiel-ing CODA: Grease is the word Grease is the word, is the word, that’s absurd Grease is the word Grease is the word, is the word, that’s absurd Grease is the wor-r-r-r-d

CHANT MEGILLAH #1 – Chapter 1:1 It happened in the days of Ahasuerus, that Ahasuerus, he reigned over a hundred and twenty seven provinces from India to Ethiopia.

F: Hey Rizzo, what are we doin’ here? R: Whaddya mean Frenchy, we’re here to tell the story of Esthah F: You mean Esthah Dumbrowski, that goodie two-shoes in our Home Ec class? R: Yeah, and (points to Esther) Look at she, it’s Esthah D. F: Hey Rizzo, nice SONG CUE

(Song - Look at Me, I’m Sandra Dee)


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(Can be sung to the tune of: “Look at Me, I’m Sandra Dee”) E: Look at me, I’m Esther D. D. stands for, Dumbrowski I drink diet coke and I’m no Polish joke That’s right, I’m Esther D. There you see is Queen Vashti That’s the queen, I’d like to be She won’t be bossed, maybe all is not lost Say goodbye to Queen Vashti I’m an orphan poor – My life I deplore I don’t own one American Girl Doll We’re so broke you see, we don’t own a TV So I’ve never seen High School Musical E: There’s the King, with all his bling I would like to wear his ring I know that’s extreme, but I still can dream King will fall for Esther D. John Paul George Ringo – Let it be Keep El..vis Presley away from me I’m playing my uke for A-chash-vei-rosh Zuk Hey, loook! I’m Esther D.

CHANT MEGILLAH #2 – Chapter 1:3 In the third year of his reign, he gave a banquet for all the officials and courtiers, the administrators of Persia and Media; he threw a royal bash for the nobles and the governors of the provinces in his service.


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Man 1: Hey King, your party is dragging K: What’s wrong? Man 2: What’s wrong, is the Women are over there, and we’re

over here. That’s okay during the day, but we’re talkin’ really big time bummer nights!

K: Bummer Nights? Is that a – Men: Song Cue!

(Song – Summer Nights)


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(Can be sung to the tune of: “Summer Nights”) K: Palace Party, have us a blast V: Palace Party, never will last Men: By the way, where are the gals? Women: What a joke! – King and his pals Men: Persian Days, OK without gals But, uh oh, those bummer nights Well-a, well-a, well-a uh Tell me more. Tell me more. Does Vashti’s passion run deep? Women: Tell me more. Tell me more. V: I’d rather get a good sleep Men: Uh huh Un huh Uh huh Women: Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo doo Doo doo (Uh huh’s and Doo doo’s continue thru next lines – 3 more times) K: OK, Vashti, come show your stuff V: Un uh, Kingy, I’ve had enough K: When I speak, you must obey V: Sorry, Kingy, can’t hear what you say Women: Persian Days, OK without men But, uh oh, those bummer nights Well-a, well-a, well-a uh


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Men: Tell me more. Tell me more. K: It’s the law of the land Women: Tell me more. Tell me more. V: Got my head in the sand. Men: Uh huh Un huh Uh huh Women: Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo doo Doo doo Men: Uh huh Un huh Uh huh Women: Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo doo Doo doo K: Ask the Wise Men, what should I do? Man 1: Strict constructionists, Vashti is through K: Sorry, Vashti you gotta go V: 5 to 4 vote, wouldn’t you know Drained the cup. What am I giving up? Nothing but all those bummer nights… M & W: Woh – Woh – Woh Tell me more, Tell me more What does all of this mean? Tell me more, Tell me more. K: It means I need a new Queen M & W: , Shuda bop bop , Shuda bop bop

, Shuda bop bop , Shuda bop bop , Shuda bop bop , Shuda bop bop , Shuda bop bop , Shuda bop bop

(Shuda bop bop’s continue thru next lines – 11 more times)


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K: We’ll hold a pageant, in Shushan Town Man: All fair young maidens, will come around K: I’ll choose a knock-out, to be my new Queen M & W: A Persian Idol – this is so keen K: Wait and see – Just like TV – then, uh No more bummer nights… M & W: Woh – Woh – Woh Tell me more. Tell me more. K: I will start a new life M & W: Tell me more. Tell me more. V: Hey King, I’m still your wife (music slows down) King don’t leave me, I do implore K: Sorry, Vashti, you knew the score V: I deserve, just one more chance K: Wish I could, but I won’t change my stance V & K: Palace Dreams, split at the seams V (Spoken): I’m gonna miss V & K: All those bummer ni-i-ights M & W: Tell me more. Tell me more.


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K: I’m sorry Vashti, but I can’t disappoint my conservative base. You must leave Shushan Palace at once.

V: You don’t mean – K: Yes, Vashti, you have been demoted.

(Vashti exits in a huff)

CHANT MEGILLAH #3 – Chapter 2:1 Some time afterward, when the anger of King Ahasuerus subsided, he thought of Vashti and what she had done and what had been decreed against her.

There goes Vashti, now I’m minus one great diva and one

so-so Queen, what should I do? I know!, I will hold a beauty contest and choose my new queen from the most beautiful fair young maidens in the kingdom.

(Man enters)

Man: King, I will travel to the four corners of Persia -- to all the

Blue States of Persia, to all the Red States of Persia, -- and I will bring back the most beautiful maidens to Shushan.

K: You don’t have to do that. Man: Why not? K: Just do a search on Facebook. Man: Great idea King, great idea.


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CHANT MEGILLAH #4 – Chapter 2:5, 7

In the fortress Shushan lived a Jew by the name of Mordecai, son of Yair son of Shimei, son of Kish, a Benjaminite. He was foster father to Hadassah—that is, Esther—his uncle’s daughter, for she had neither father nor mother. The maiden was pleasing and beautiful.

M: Esther, did you hear the exciting news? E: What is it, Mordechai Doody? M: The King got rid of Vashti and is holding a beauty contest

to choose his new Queen. You have to enter the beauty contest.

E: I can’t Mordechai. M: Why not? E: I would miss my graduation from Shushan CEEBJ

Synagogue. M: Not a good enough reason. E: But, I was Bat Mitzvahed there and confirmed there and I

have only two months before graduation. M: Not a good enough reason. E: Mordechai, I can’t believe what you’re saying. 4 Women: Neither can we. M: Who are you?


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W1: We go to the Shushan CEEBJ Synagogue W2: And you’re setting a very bad example W3: Suggesting that Esther should not finish her Jewish

education W4: Song Cue! (Kids Enter Singing Ya-Yas;)

(Song – Beauty School Drop Out) (Can be sung to the tune of: “Beauty School Drop Out”) Chorus: Ya ya ya, Ya ya ya, Ya ya ya, Ya ya ya, Ya ya ya, Ya ya ya, Ya ya ya, Ya ya ya, Ya ya ya, Ya ya ya, Ya ya ya, Ya ya ya, Ya ya ya, Ya ya ya, Ya! Kids: Romemu Drop Out That’s one thing we would never do Romemu Drop Out After Bar (Bat) Mitzvah, you’re still not through For all those who do not finish school We shun and we are scorning After spending all week long at school We love getting up Sunday morning Esther, don’t do it. (Esther, don’t do it) Your birthright trip might be at stake Esther, you’ll rue it. (Esther, you’ll rue it) You might end up a Jewish flake Stick till graduation You are much too young to rule Don’t listen to Mordechai and finish Romemu


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Cantor: Stay till you’re done, Kids It.. will shoo away the blues Rabbi: Why is it fun, Kids? With Rabbi and Cantor, you get to schmooze Cantor: We will teach you bible stories, Kids And how to chant the Torah Rabbi: But, best of all, you’ll have a ball Learning to dance the Horah Kids: Esther please hear us (Esther please hear us) Gotta hold out till you are through King A-chash-vei-rosh (King A-chash-vei-rosh) He ain’t allowed to wed a Jew You’re so beautiful It’s do-a-ble Have your cake and eat it, too Say you can graduate and be Queen Esther too.


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E: The kids are right. I can have my cake and eat it, too. Look, I’m not too late. There are the Beauty Pageant Ladies. Wish me luck, Mordechai.

M: Good luck, Esther D., and, remember, don’t mention that

you’re Jewish. E: Mum’s the word. M: No Esther, Grease is the word. Now get going, the music

is starting for the beauty pageant. Cantor: Song Cue!

(Songs – Purim Masqueraders and Chag Purim, softly first, underscoring next words, then full out)

N: Boys and girls, please join in the Purim parade as King A-chash-vei-rosh picks his new queen!

Beauty Pageant music – all kids process in parade!! K: It’s good to be King. Now, to choose the new Queen of Persia… You’re the one that I – don’t want! You’re the one that I – don’t want! (to F&R) You’re the ones that I – don’t want! (to Esther) You’re the one -- that I want!


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CHANT MEGILLAH #5 – Chapter 2:17

The King loved Esther more than all the other women, and she won his grace and favor more than all the maidens. So he set a royal crown on her head and made her queen instead of Vashti. (2:17)

E: My name’s Esther D. K: Oh, Esther D., tonight will be the most romantic night of

my life – a candlelight dinner catered by Applebees, my best Trader Joe’s wine, and no one around except you and me.

E: Oh, King, this is just the way I dreamed it. I know I will be the happiest girl in the world… Hey, what’s the story with your golden scepter? K: No one is allowed to approach the King, unless, he or she

is summoned by the King – and don’t text message me unless I text you, and don’t email me unless I email you. If you do, you will be put to death, unless I raise my golden scepter.

E: King, you call that a scepter? K: Wait till you see my new one. (New scepter brought forward and unveiled) Song Cue!

(Song – Greased Lightning)


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(Can be sung to the tune of: “Greased Lightning”) K(Spoken): Why, this scepter is autocratic (chord) It’s plutocratic (chord) It’s so dramatic (chord) Why, it’s “Greased Scepter” K: It’s got a handle made of silver And a head of gold oh yeah Men: (Keep talkin’, oh, keep talkin’) K: A thousand tiny diamonds And some rubies bold oh yeah Men: (On the dingy – you’re on the dingy, kingy) K: With some help from Cartier There’s nothing left to say You know the scepter’s mine It will glitter – it will shine Greased Scepter Men: (Go-go-go, Go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go) K: Go Greased Scepter, you give me a natural high Men: (Greased Scepter – Go Greased Scepter) K: Raise Greased Scepter – indicates you will not die Men: (Greased Scepter – Go Greased Scepter) K: I am the King (Men: Uh huh) You better sing (Men: Uh huh) For Greased Scepter


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Men: (Go-go-go, Go-go-go-go-go) It’s got a handle made of silver And a head of gold oh yeah K: (Keep talkin’, oh, keep talkin’) Men: A thousand tiny diamonds And some rubies bold oh yeah K: (I am the Kingy, the Kingy on the dingy) Men: With some help from Cartier There is nothing left to say You know the scepter’s fine It will glitter – it will shine Greased Scepter K: (Go-go-go, Go-go- go-go- go-go- go-go) Men: Go Greased Scepter, you give me a natural high K: (Greased Scepter – Go Greased Scepter) Men: Raise Greased Scepter – indicates you will not die K: Greased Scepter – Go I am the King (Men: Uh huh) You better sing (Men: Uh huh) For Greased Scepter K: Scepter Man 1: Scepter Man 2: Scepter Man 3: Scepter K: Scepter Man 1: Scepter Man 2: Scepter Man 3: Scepter All Men: Greased Scepterrrrrrr!


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E: Now that scepter has class. K: Thanks Esther. One more thing, never touch my I-Phone. E: Don’t worry king – I will never touch your I-Phone M: Never say never, Es. K: Who is this pest? E: This pest is my cousin Mordechai, whom you have to be

nice to, cause he raised me like a daughter. If you give him a job at the Palace Gate, then he’ll leave us alone.

K: Hey, you look like the guy that sold me a subprime

mortgage on Shushan palace. M: That wasn’t me king. K: Ok, go stand guard at the palace gate.

(King & Esther Exit)

M: Wow! Esther is the Queen of Persia, and, I landed a job at the Palace Gate. I’m so happy, I could sing…

I’m so happy I could sing… Hey, that’s your SONG CUE!

(Song – Reprise of Sandra Dee)


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(Can be sung to the tune of: Reprise of “…Sandra Dee”) M: What a guy – I’m Mordechai This job is – a piece of pie I guard the gate There’s no one who could hate.. A mensch like Mordechai Here come two – planning a coup Bigtan & Littletan – what evil they brew I’ll stay and spy – I’m the great Mordechai I’ll see just what they do Sung-Spoken – B: Like Clint Eastwood, I say.. Come, King – “Make my day…!” No one will call it a crime L: King acts juvenile So we’ll kill him in style.. Our reason is made clear in rhyme Sung – M: Hear me sob – first day on the job This turn of events… – makes my heart sob They have their crust.. – now I’ll make a bust I’m just – great Mordechai Bigtan, Littletan – Hands up high.. There’s no escape Don’t even try Sung – Your plot it did fail Now you’re going to jail All is well I’m Mordechai


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CHANT MEGILLAH #6 – Chapter 3: 1-2 Some time afterward, King Ahasuerus promoted Haman (boo) son of Hammadata the Agagite; he advanced him and seated him higher that any of his fellow officials. All the king’s courtiers in the palace gate knelt and bowed low to Haman (boo), for such was the king’s order concerning him; but Mordechai would not kneel or bow low.

H: Bow down, Jew! M: Uh-Oh, I sang too soon. H: Bow down, I say!

(All enter) M: Haman (boo), let’s see if you can follow this. As you

mentioned, I am a Jew, and, Jews worship one God and only one God; and, Jews are not allowed to bow down to false idols…or, falser humans.

All: Yeah – and, we’re all standin’ tall with Mordechai! H: Stop! I’ve had enough of your Jew Jive! M: But, Haman (boo), we were born to Jew Jive! All: Song Cue!

(Song – Born To Hand Jive)


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(Can be sung to the tune of: “Born to Hand Jive”) All: Born to Jew Jive, Haman Born to Jew Jive, Haman H: Last week, I had the King decree That I must sing – like Elvis P. The King said, to please the crown All to Haman, must bow down All goes well till the Jews arrive Then they ticked me off with their Hebrew Jive All: Born to Jew Jive, Haman Born to Jew Jive, Haman H: They’ll be sorry they messed with me I’ll get from King one more decree I’ll gather all the Jews around And since they still.. won’t bow down I’ll build a gallows – build it high And every jiving Jew will die! All (spoken) : Haman! Spoken/Sung – How low can you go? How low can you go? How low can you go? How low can you go? All: We love to Jew Jive, Haman! We love to Jew Jive, Haman! Oh, yeah… – Oh, yeah… – Oh, yeah… Born to Jew Jive H: Oh, yeah? All: Yeah!!!


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H: OK, have it your way! For disobeying the King’s decree, I will build a gallows and hang you all! – Every man,

woman, and child! (Evil laugh)

(Exit Haman)

Woman1: Geez…Haman (boo) really needs to lighten up. Woman2: Yeah, and we really need a miracle. M: There’s only one person who can save us. All: Who? M: Queen Esther! Look! Here she comes now, right on cue!

(As Esther Enters) Esther! Haman (boo) got the King to issue a decree that

every Jew will die on his gallows! You must go to the King! Tell him you’re Jewish, and save your people!

E: Yeah, sure. If I go un-summoned, and he doesn’t raise

his golden scepter, I’ll be put to death. I’m really not ready for that.

M: Esther, my love. Whether you know it or not, you are…

ready.

(All exit)

CHANT MEGILLAH #7 – Chapter 6:1 That night, sleep deserted the king, he could not sleep.


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(Esther approaches King) K: Esther, how dare you come to me un-summoned? E: Kingy – Please raise your golden scepter, so I can live

and save my people and be a story in the bible. K: Will you be my date for the Palace Prom? E: Yes! K: Esther, you and your people are saved! (Raises Scepter)

(All enter, followed by Haman) All: YEAH! E: But, what about Haman (boo)? H: Yeah, what about me? K: See those gallows you built for the Jews? H: Yeah… K: Well Haman (boo), you’ll be “Hangin’ On Prom Night”. H: Song Cue??? K: No! Megillah Cue!!

CHANT MEGILLAH #8 – Chapter 7:10 So they impaled Haman (boo) on the stake that he had put up for Mordechai, and the king’s fury was no more. (7:10)

K: That’s your cue to go to the gallows – This is a good day for the good guys and bad news for

the bad guys. Every year on the 14th of Adar, Jews all over the world will be spielin’ together.


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H: Song Cue? K: Yes! All: A wop baba lu-mop – A wop bam boom

(Song – We Go Together)

(Can be sung to the tune of: “We Go Together”) All: Spielin’ together like – Rama- lama- lama – Ka Ding-a-Da-Ding.. -Dong Remembered forever as… Shoo-bop, sha – Wadda, Wadda,

Yippity – Boom de boom! Chang, Chang, Changity, Chang – Shoo-Bop! Now, we’re ending the spiel – wha, ooh, yeah We follow the plo-ot, like… Dip-da-dip, da dip, doo wop, da doobie doo Now, we get Ho-ot! Boogedy, boogedy, boogedy, boogedy –

Shooby, doo-wop, she-bop Chang Chang, Changity Chang – boo dop Now, we’re ending the spiel…Wah, wah, wah, wah Dress up on Purim night And hold your groggers tight And listen for Haman’s name… Read the Megillah Scroll… And make it Rock and Roll Esther wins lasting Fame


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Spielin’ together like… Wop – Baba lu mop, a, Wop Bam Boom Remembered forever as… Sha-na- na-na- na-na – Yippity, dip de dum Chang, chang, changity, chang, shoo-bop We’re always spielin’ together Wha Ooh, yeah! We’re always… spielin’ together We’re always… spielin’ together We’re always… spielin’ together Spoken – A wop, baba lu-mop – A wop bam-boom – …Yeah!

“grease – the megillah”...be small and drab. his new scepter for the “greased lightning”...

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