February 2019

“Health is a state of body. Wellness is a state of being.”

White Mountains Regional School District

- J. Stanford

F ebruary is Teen Dating Violence Awareness

Month. Every year approximately 1.5

million high school students nationwide

experience physical abuse from a dating

partner. It is also known that 3 in 4 parents have

never talked to their children about domestic

violence. In light of these alarming facts, every year

during the month of February advocates join efforts

to raise awareness about dating violence, highlight

promising practices, and encourage communities to

get involved.1 There are many resources available

to provide information and support to victims and

assist service providers and communities to decrease

the prevalence of dating violence among young

people. Anyone can make this happen by raising

awareness about the issue, saying something

about abuse when you see it and organizing

your community to make a difference. In New

Hampshire, more than one in ten high school

students report being hit, slapped or physically

hurt on purpose by their partner. It is widespread

nationally. Far too many teens are experiencing it,

but many never reach out for help. Prevention

efforts for teens and pre-teens that raise awareness

and promote healthy relations are essential to

fighting the issues of domestic violence and ending

the cycle of abuse.

An Epidemic

In New Hampshire, more than 10.9% of teens

reported by a victim of sexual dating violence during

the past year. Being female, a racial/ethnic minority,

or a sexual minority significantly increases the risk of

sexual and physical dating violence victimization.

One in three girls in the U.S. is a victim of physical,

emotional or verbal abuse from a dating partner.

Women between 16 and 24 experience a rate of

intimate partner violence, almost triple the national

average across all ages.2

A California Study

In California a recent study finds that two-thirds of

California teens experience dating violence - that is

nearly twice the national average. Although there’s

no hard and fast definition for teen dating violence -

this provides a great deal of flexibility when studying

this epidemic. Most studies simply limit the scope of

dating violence to physical and sexual abuse. Experts

believe this narrow definition often results in mass

underreporting of dating violence. The California

study focuses on a wider range of abusive behaviors,

including “psychological, emotional and cyber”

1National Resource Center on Domestic Violence

2New Hampshire Coalition Against Domestic and Sexual Violence

February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month

abuse. The study revealed that 69% of the subjects

reported some kinds of dating violence during their

teenage years. Most began to experience abuse

between the ages of 15 & 16. Some however, were

abused when they were as young as 11 years old.3

Most Teens Suffer Emotional Abuse

in their Relationships

Teen dating violence is a growing problem in the

United States. Today, approximately one-third

of all teens involved in romantic relationships will

experience abuse of some kind. When we hear the

term “abuse,” we tend to think about physical

violence and/or sexual abuse. However, teen

dating violence can actually involve so much more

than that. In fact, emotional abuse can be just as

devastating and traumatic for young victims.

What is Emotional Abuse?

Did you know that emotional abuse is the most

common type of abusive conduct in teenage

relationships? In fact, emotional abuse is reported

by 76% of all teens who report teen dating violence.

However, emotional abuse tends to be talked about

much less frequently than other, more identifiable

and immediately-dangerous types of harmful

conduct. While physical and sexual abuse may

have immediately threatening repercussions,

emotional and psychological abuse can cause just

as much damage to a teen in the long run.

So, what exactly is emotional abuse? Emotional

abuse is a form of controlling behavior that involves

subjecting another person to behavior that causes a

diminished “sense of identity, dignity, and self-

worth.” Many times, emotional abuse causes a

victim to suffer from psychological distress,

including (but not limited to) anxiety, depression,

and/or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).4

Types of Emotional Abuse

Verbal Abuse

Teen dating abusers may resort to verbal abuse

including yelling, screaming, chastising, and

demeaning their partner. Verbal abuse can be used

as a way to control victims by making them feel

very small and badly about themselves. When a

victim suffers from low self-esteem, they may be

less likely to break up with their abuser, fearing

that no one else would be interested in having a

relationship with them. Teens are already very

emotionally-vulnerable, and the verbal abuse by a

partner can make things worse.

Isolation

Emotional abuse does not necessarily have to

involve words. A teen dating abuser may, instead,

attempt to physically isolate his or her partner from

other people. Signs of isolation may include:

Making a partner feel bad about spending time

with friends and family

Threatening a partner for spending time with

other people

Physically restraining a partner from going

somewhere, and

Lying to a partner by claiming that others are

uninterested in spending time with them.

When a teen is the victim of isolation, they may

become dependent on their abusive partner and fall

victim to additional abuse.

Embarrassment

Teen abusers may also use their words to publicly

embarrass their partners. This embarrassment can

result in extremely low self-esteem and self-worth.

Victims of this type of abuse often become isolated

4 https://www.teendvmonth.org/ 3New Hampshire Coalition Against Domestic and Sexual Violence

Signs of emotional abuse in teen dating

relationships include:

Teens withdrawn from and uninterested in

ordinary activities

Unexpected and unexplained mood swing

Demonstrated fear of upsetting their partner

Reluctance to engage in activities without their

partner, for fear of retribution

Low self-esteem and self-worth

Drug and alcohol use, and/or

Self-harming and/or suicidal behaviors.

Do you recognize any of these signs and symptoms

in your teen? Are they currently involved in a

romantic relationship? If so, set some time aside to

talk to them about what is going on in their life.

They may not recognize that they are in an abusive

relationship and/or know how to get help. Sitting

down with your teen can help to protect them from

the trauma of teen dating violence and emotional

abuse. Any type of abuse has serious consequences

for both the abused and abuser. Talk to your teen

today to make sure they are safe.

What is Teen Dating Violence?

Teen dating violence does not necessarily have to

involve physical violent behavior. Instead, teen

dating violence can be defined as “physical, sexual,

psychological, or emotional aggression within a

dating relationship.” Stalking can also be placed

under the term’s broad umbrella.

Teen dating violence is particularly problematic

because teenagers are often ill-equipped to handle

the emotions that accompany romantic attraction.

Relationships can turn violent if one teen fears that

the other will leave or has lost interest. Abuse,

whether physical, emotional, or sexual, is a way for

a teen lacking the necessary coping skills to exercise

power and control.

The best way to prevent teen dating violence from

escalating is to know how to identify the problem.

Warning signs that violent teens may demonstrate

in a romantic relationship include:

Isolation and/or preventing a dating partner

from spending time with others

Increased mood swings and irritability

Threats of violence and/or abuse

Yelling and screaming

Secretly monitoring a partner’s email, texts, and

call logs

Forced sexual activity

Pressuring a partner into behavior they’re not

comfortable with

Refusal to accept responsibility for issues in

the relationship

Calling a partner names and/or degrading them,

and/or

Bouts of violent behavior that are frightening.

If you are a teenager in a romantic relationship and

you recognize any of these behaviors, it’s important

to speak with your parent immediately. These are all

signs that the teen may be in need of counseling

and/or treatment to help them cope with difficult

emotions and feelings. Getting them help right away

could help to save lives.5

5 https://www.teendvmonth.org/

Some helpful resources about Teen Dating Violence:

Speak Up! Teen Dating Violence

Understanding Relationship Abuse in the Digital Age

Preventing Teen Violence from the Inside Out

CCFHS Response Program