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Familia y culturas de vida

Family and Cultures of Life

THE GRANDEUROF ORDINARY LIFE

LA GRANDEZADE LA VIDA CORRIENTE

Congreso Internacional La grandeza de la vida corriente

International Congress The Grandeur of Ordinary Life

Familia y culturas de vida

Family and Cultures of Life

Eds. Marta Brancatisano ManziRosario Peris

Copyright - Edizioni Universit della Santa Croce, 2003Piazza di SantApollinare 49 - 00186 Roma

tel. 06681641 - fax 0668164400e-mail: info@edusc.it

ImprimaturVicariato di Roma 10 Ottobre 2003

Luigi MorettiVescovo tit. di MoptaSegretario Generale

ISBN 88-8333-066-8

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Versione elettronica di propriet di Libuk s.r.l. vietata qualsiasi copia, riproduzione, trasmissione con ogni mezzo.

Workshops

I. Amor y matrimonioLove and Marriage

(coord. Maria Teresa La Porte)

II. Construir culturas de vidaBuilding up Cultures of Life

(coord. Christopher Wolfe & Daniel Diez)

PresentacinAna Marta Gonzlez

Profesora de tica y Antropologa, Universidad de Navarra. Miembro del Comit cientfico delCongreso.

Entre los das 8 y 11 de Enero de 2002, con ocasin del centenario del naci-miento de Josemara Escriv de Balaguer1, tuvo lugar en Roma un Congresointernacional que, bajo el ttulo de La grandeza de la vida corriente, se dedica profundizar en el contenido teolgico y explorar las posibilidades vitales abier-tas por su mensaje.

Ciertamente, si algo se puso de manifiesto a lo largo de esos das es que,por su forma y por su contenido, la predicacin de Josemara Escriv sumanera peculiar de invitar al seguimiento de Cristo difcilmente permite unacercamiento objetivo y neutral, en el que el lector no se vea existencial-mente implicado, interpelado vitalmente. Y es que, con ser imprescindible paracualquier estudio teolgico-cientfico, el acercamiento analtico a sus palabrasno deja de resultar extrao al contexto y a la intencin con las que stas fueronescritas.

En efecto: como sacerdote que no quera hablar ms que de Dios, sus pala-bras tenan, ante todo, la finalidad estrictamente apostlica de acercar las almas aCristo. Es esta finalidad la que explica el tono caracterstico de su vida y de suobra y, particularmente, de sus escritos, en los que el mensaje cristiano se haceuna vez ms interpelacin directa, capaz de despertar en el alma insospechadoshorizontes de celo, tal y como lo atestigua el eco que sus palabras han encontra-do en la vida de tantos millares de hombres y mujeres en todo el mundo.

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1 El 6 de octubre de 2002, Juan Pablo II canoniz a Josemara Escriv de Balaguer. Hemosmantenido las referencias al Beato Josemara en lugar de Santo, porque as aparecen enlos textos originales, ya que se refieren a un Congreso celebrado antes del mencionado acon-tecimiento.

Las vidas de esos hombres y mujeres reproducen lo que el propio Josema-ra Escriv dej consignado en un conocido punto de Camino: Eres, entre lostuyos alma de apstol la piedra cada en el lago. Produce, con tu ejemplo ytu palabra un primer crculo... y ste, otro... y otro, y otro... Cada vez ms anchoComprendes ahora la grandeza de tu misin?2.

Pareca lgico, por tanto, que en un congreso dedicado a estudiar el men-saje de Josemara Escriv se recogieran algunos de esos crculos expansivos que lha propiciado con su vida y con su obra. Pues no cabe duda de que, al calor desus palabras, muchas decisiones de mejora personal han superado el plano de losbuenos deseos y se han concretado en iniciativas de indudable trascendenciafamiliar y social, en los ms variados campos de la actividad humana.

Eso es lo que, en el marco del Congreso, se ha procurado reflejar en losworkshops. A diferencia de las sesiones plenarias, dedicadas ms bien a profundi-zar temticamente en algn aspecto del mensaje de Josemara Escriv, o de lascomunicaciones que trataban de mostrar sus implicaciones en algn campoconcreto de la actividad humana, el objetivo de los workshops era desplegarante los asistentes la fecundidad prctica y vital de ese mensaje, capaz de activarlas energas del espritu humano, ms all de diferencias culturales o sociales. Setrataba, en una palabra, de mostrar de qu mltiples maneras el mensaje de Jose-mara Escriv ha llegado a calar en la vida y la actividad profesional de tantas per-sonas, constituyendo un poderoso estmulo en la bsqueda de ese algo divinoque se encierra en las situaciones ms ordinarias y comunes, en las que se ha dematerializar nuestra existencia cristiana3.

Con esta idea en la mente, se seleccionaron varias reas temticas podr-an haber sido ms, podran haber sido otras, y se invit a diversas personasrelacionadas con esas reas a que expusieran la influencia y la proyeccin que, asu juicio, el mensaje de Escriv tiene en sus vidas. La exposicin no deba consis-tir sencillamente en un mero testimonio edificante, pero tampoco deba ser unareflexin ms o menos erudita, despegada de la vida. Se trataba, ms bien, dereflexionar sobre la propia experiencia, intentando hacer explcita, en la medidade lo posible, la influencia que el mensaje de Josemara Escriv haba tenido enlas aspiraciones, el enfoque y la prctica de la propia profesin.

Las experiencias de integracin social, participacin poltica, creatividadartstica, etc., que se presentaron con toda viveza durante el transcurso del con-greso, fueron recogidas por escrito y se ofrecen ahora a la imprenta, pensando ennumerosas personas que no pudieron asistir al Congreso y han manifestado inte-rs por lo que se dijo en los workshops.

6 - ANA MARTA GONZLEZ

2 Camino, 831.3 Cfr. Conversaciones, 114, 116, 121.

No hace falta decir que, en este caso, el medio limita el mensaje. Aunquese ha procurado adaptar el texto oral a una versin escrita, la fuerza del testimo-nio personal ha quedado, por lo general, notablemente disminuida. Por otrolado, el propio carcter personal de las intervenciones, aade muchas contingen-cias que en unas ocasiones hacen transparente el mensaje y en otras pueden limi-tar su alcance, precisamente porque un mismo espritu adopta formas y modosdiversos segn la procedencia y la personalidad de quien lo vive y lo reproduce.

Pero aceptar la contingencia humana es condicin de verdadero pluralis-mo. Esto es algo que se aprende al contacto con los escritos de Escriv. Y es algode lo que el propio Congreso nos ha dejado un recuerdo imborrable. El espect-culo, verdaderamente catlico, de gentes procedentes de frica, Asia, Europa,America u Oceana, que, por encima o por debajo de sus diferencias eviden-tes de raza, cultura, profesin, incluso confesin religiosa pueden sintonizaren aspiraciones fundamentales, de santidad, de paz y de justicia, no es, en efecto,uno de los recuerdos menos alentadores que nos ha dejado el Congreso. Encierraalgo de simblico. Precisamente en un momento histrico como el nuestro, en elque aspiraciones como esas, por otra parte tan arraigadas en el corazn huma-no, apenas se abren paso en la opinin pblica, parece especialmente oportu-no el dejar constancia de esta experiencia.

PRESENTACIN - 7

ForewordAna Marta Gonzlez

Professor of Ethics and Anthropology, University of Navarre. Member of the Scientific Commit-tee of the Congress.

From January 8th to 11th, 2002, an international congress was held in Romein honour of the centennial of the birth of Josemara Escriv de Balaguer1. TheCongress, entitled The Grandeur of Ordinary Life, examined the theologicalcontent and possibilities of his message.

Certainly, if anything became apparent during those days, it was that theteachings of Josemara Escriv his particular way of inviting one to follow Christ either because of their structure or because of their content, did not easily per-mit an objective or neutral approach, where the reader would not feel existen-tially involved in a real, live dialogue. This is because, while being necessary for anyscientific-theological study, an analytical approach to his writings cannot help butseem out of step with the context and intention with which they were written.

In effect, since he was a priest who wanted to speak about nothing butGod, his words have, above all, the strictly apostolic objective of bringing soulscloser to Christ. This aim explains the characteristic tone of his life and works,especially of his writings, in which the Christian message becomes a real dialogue,capable of arousing unsuspected horizons of zeal. This is testified to by the echothat his words have had in the lives of so many thousands of men and womenthroughout the world.

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1 On October 6, 2002, Pope John Paul II canonized Josemara Escriv de Balaguer. In thesevolumes, we have kept all of the references to Blessed Josemara rather than changing themto Saint as this is how his name appears in the original texts, the presentations having beenmade at the Congress which took place before the canonization.

The lives of these men and women reproduce what Blessed Josemara him-self left written in a well-known point in The Way: Among those around you apostolic soul you are the stone fallen into the lake. With your and your wordand your example you produce a first circle... and it another... and another, andanother... Wider each time2.

And so seems reasonable, in a congress dedicated to the study of the mes-sage of Josemara Escriv, to consider some of the widening circles caused by hislife and works . Doubtless that, with the warmth of his words, many personaldecisions to improve have gone beyond the level of mere desires to become real-ity, in initiatives in the most varied fields of human activity, which have had anunquestionable impact on the family and society at large.

This is what the Workshops have tried to reflect. Unlike the plenary ses-sions which were dedicated to examining some particular aspects of the messageof Josemara Escriv in greater depth, and the paper presentations which consid-ered the implications of his message in specific areas of human activity, the aim ofthe Workshops was to show the participants the practical and vital fruitfulness ofhis message a message which is capable of enlivening the energies of thehuman spirit, regardless of social or cultural differences. In short, they tried tomanifest the differing ways in which the message of Josemara Escriv has enteredinto the life and professional activity of so many people, thereby constituting apowerful stimulus for the search for that divine something hidden in the mostcommon and ordinary circumstances, in which our Christian life has to be mate-rialized3.

With this idea in mind, various topics were selected there could havebeen more, and there could have been other ones and different people whowere familiar with these topics were invited to discuss the impact which theybelieve the message of Escriv has had on their lives. These presentations weremeant neither to be merely edifying testimonies, nor to be more or less eruditereflections, disconnected from life. Rather, it was a question of reflecting on onesown experience and explaining the influence of the message of Josemara Escrivon the aspirations, focus and practice of ones professional life.

The experiences of social integration, political participation, artistic cre-ativity, etc., that were discussed with genuine candour during the Congress, havebeen compiled and are now available in print, bearing in mind the great numberof people who were not able to attend the Congress and who expressed interestin the Workshops. It goes without saying that, in this case, the medium is limiting

10 - ANA MARTA GONZLEZ

2 The Way, 831.3 Cfr. Conversations, 114, 116, 121.

the message. Although the original oral presentations have been adapted to writ-ten text format, in general the force of these personal testimonies has beennotably diminished. On the other hand, the personal nature of these presenta-tions, which implied many contingent factors, on some occasions makes the mes-sage more transparent, and on others limits its scope, precisely because the samespirit adopts different expressions, according to the background and personalityof the one who lives it.

Accepting these human contingencies however, is a condition of true plu-ralism. This is something that can be learned from reading Escrivs writings. Andit is something which remains as an unforgettable memory from the Congress.The truly catholic display of people from Africa, Asia, Europe, the Americas,and Oceania, who despite their obvious differences of race, culture, profes-sion, and even religion could understand and share one anothers aspirationsfor sanctity, peace and justice, is one of the most inspiring memories left in thewake of the Congress. And it also has symbolic value. Precisely in a moment ofhistory such as the present one, where aspirations such as these so deeplyentrenched in the human heart are barely present in public opinion, it seemsparticularly appropriate that this experience be left on record.

FOREWORD - 11

I. Amor y matrimonio

Love and Marriage

IntroduccinAntonio Monserrat

Magistrado del Tribunal Superior de Justicia de Baleares, ha sido Profesor de Derecho Natural,Filosofa del Derecho y Derecho Internacional Privado. Actualmente es Secretario General de laInternational Federation for Family Development.

Dios nos crea por Amor y nos llama al Amor; por eso, el amor es la voca-cin fundamental e innata de todo ser humano1.

Tened prisa en amar2 repeta el Beato Josemara. Y en otro lugar, aada:Hablando del matrimonio, de la vida matrimonial, es necesario comenzar conuna referencia clara al amor de los cnyuges3.

Para tratar de entender a Dios, que es Amor4, y al matrimonio, hay queentender de amor. Para el Beato Josemara, todo el secreto est en amar. Un amorque no se contenta con un cumplimiento rutinario, ni se compagina con el has-to o con la apata. Amar significa recomenzar cada da a servir, con obras de cari-o5.

El amor conyugal, causa de la donacin completa e incondicional de mari-do y mujer, es, por su misma naturaleza, fecundo, porque el bien es expansivo. Yen esta vida amorosa en que se inserta el matrimonio est el secreto de la felicidadde los casados.

El objetivo principal del Panel Amor y matrimonio fue tratar del amorconyugal, en su dimensin esponsal y en su proyeccin en los hijos y en las demsfamilias, segn el mensaje del Beato Josemara Escriv de Balaguer. Como es unmensaje vivible, se trat de presentar y compartir algunas de las experiencias de

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1 JUAN PABLO II, Ex. Ap. Familiaris consortio, 11.2 Amigos de Dios, 140.3 Es Cristo que pasa, 23.4 I Jn., 4,8.5 Amigos de Dios, 31.

panelistas y asistentes. Como era de esperar, esas experiencias ajenas son recono-cibles como propias en tantos y tantos casos. Y quien las lea ahora, si por sus cir-cunstancias personales no est llamado a vivir la vocacin matrimonial, no mecabe duda de que podr comprobar que las ha visto en tantos matrimonios: en elde sus padres, hermanos, amigos

Iniciaron las intervenciones de Espaa, Marina y Karel Phlips-Robben,belgas, que estn casados desde hace casi treinta aos. Los dos hablan de suencuentro con Escriv y lo que signific para la historia de su matrimonio.

El primero que lo conoce es Karel, durante un viaje estudiantil a Roma.Fue en 1968, el ao de la protesta y del inicio de una poca que va a marcar a losjvenes de esa generacin con el signo de la rebelda. Con una voz completa-mente fuera del coro, Escriv habla en cambio del amor; un amor concreto,real. El matrimonio es el camino para alcanzar a Dios, y la escuela de amor en laque los hijos se abren al conocimiento de Dios. Son innumerables los aspectosque Karel ha aprendido del mensaje del Beato Josemara y que ha puesto enprctica en su vida familiar: dar siempre confianza a los hijos, para que se sien-tan comprendidos y corregidos cuando es necesario, pero no juzgados;crear un clima sereno de comprensin mutua, quiz lavando juntos los platos ocaminando por el monte. Cosas aparentemente pequeas, que en la experienciade Karel tienen la capacidad de construir un tejido familiar lleno de esperanza yde alegra.

Marina recuerda que conoci a Escriv a travs de un libro, Camino, quele regal Karel cuando todava estaban en la Universidad. A travs de su lectura,descubri el sentido del amor humano y del matrimonio como compromiso totalde la persona. Unas ideas que iban contra corriente en aquellos aos en que losjvenes estaban fascinados por una libertad que no conoce lmites ni sabe nada deresponsabilidad. En un perodo en el que convivencias y las relaciones sin vncu-los se presentaban como una conquista, Marina fue conquistada por aquellavisin exigente del amor que deja vislumbrar horizontes de felicidad duradera.Todava 28 aos despus, estoy convencida de que mi marido es la persona queDios ha querido confiarme de manera especial.

Intervino tambin, Jos Antonio Lpez-Ortega, mexicano, que transmitiuna experiencia singular: su contacto con el Beato Josemara durante la estanciaen Mxico, en la primavera del ao 1970. Jos Antonio es mdico y le cupo ensuerte ocuparse de la atencin de Josemara Escriv durante aquellas semanas; susalud precaria, junto con los inconvenientes debidos al cambio de clima y altitud,requeran cuidados frecuentes. Pero el trato con el Beato Josemara fue ms allde lo puramente mdico. Como era lo acostumbrado en l, vea en el profesionala la persona y su familia. Precisamente en aquellos momentos, el joven doctor ysu mujer estaban pasando por unos momentos de preocupacin y ansia. Espera-

16 - ANTONIO MONSERRAT

ban su sexto hijo y tenan el problema del Rs; al quinto haban tenido que recam-biarle toda la sangre dos veces, nada ms nacer.

Las palabras del Beato Josemara los llenaron de paz y confianza. Se apo-yaban en la oracin, que es el arma ms eficaz con la que cuenta un cristiano. Elnio naci perfectamente. Aos ms tarde, continu narrando Jos Antonio,cuando el Beato Josemara estaba ya en el cielo, esperaban el noveno hijo. Nosencaramos con l: ahora que ests en el cielo no puedes olvidarte de nosotros.De nuevo recuperaron la serenidad. Caban tres posibilidades dice Jos Anto-nio: que nuestro hijo muriera, lo cual nos dolera en el alma, pero nos consola-ra saber que se encontrara en el cielo, porque lo habamos bautizado; otra, quequedara con alguna lesin cerebral importante, y en ese caso estbamos dispues-tos a atenderlo con toda el alma; y una tercera, que saliera adelante sin ningnproblema. De las tres posibilidades ocurri la tercera, ya que se recuper deinmediato. Actualmente este hijo estudia en la Universidad que ha promovido elCongreso sobre la santidad en la vida ordinaria.

El workshop cont asimismo con las intervenciones de Parehuia Tutua-Nathan, maor de Nueva Zelanda; Markus Schwarz, austraco; Bradford Wilcox,Bill y Leigh Bowman, norteamericanos; Eliane Ekra y Herv Yangni, de Costa deMarfil. En este volumen recogemos buena parte de sus palabras.

Junto a esas intervenciones, publicamos tambin una reflexin de MartaBrancatisano Manzi autora de varios libros acerca del amor conyugal que,adems de haber conocido personalmente al Beato Josemara, ha sabido profun-dizar y difundir el mensaje de Josemara Escriv sobre el amor humano y el matri-monio.

INTRODUCCIN - 17

IntroductionAntonio Monserrat

High Court Judge in the Balearic Islands. He has been Professor of Natural Law, Philosophy ofLaw and International Private Law, and is currently the General Secretary of the InternationalFederation for Family Development.

God created us out of Love and calls us to Love, therefore, love is thefundamental and innate vocation of every human being1.

Be in a hurry to love2, Blessed Josemara says. On another occasion, headds, when we talk about marriage and married life, we must begin by speakingclearly about the mutual love of husband and wife3.

It is necessary to learn about love in order to understand marriage andGod, who is Love Itself4. For Blessed Josemara, the secret lay in loving with alove that is not content with a routine fulfillment of duty. Love is incompatiblewith boredom or apathy. To love means to renew our dedication every day, withloving deeds of service5.

Conjugal love, the cause of the complete and unconditional self-givingbetween husband and wife, is fruitful by nature precisely because goodnessitself is diffusive. The couples happiness lies in this life of love which is properto marriage.

The main objective of the panel Love and Marriage is that of discussingconjugal love in its spousal dimension and in its repercussions on children andother families according to the message of Blessed Josemara Escriv de Bala-guer. As it is a message to be lived, the workshop consisted mainly in presenta-

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1 JOHN PAUL II, Apost. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 11. 2 Friends of God, 140.3 Christ is passing by, 23.4 1 Jn 4:8.5 Friends of God, 31.

tions and testimonies by panelists and participants from the audience. As was tobe expected, the experiences of others could frequently be recognized as our ownpersonal experiences. I am certain that whoever reads these testimonies now,whether married or single, can attest at least to having personally witnessed themin other marriages, such as those of parents, siblings or friends

The workshop began with a joint presentation by Marina and KarelPhlips-Robben, a Belgian couple who have been married for almost 30 years. Thetwo spoke of their encounter with Escriv and what this event meant to the storyof their marriage.

Karel was the first to meet Escriv, when he visited Rome as a student. Thiswas during 1968, a year of protests that marked the beginning of an era whichdeeply affected the youth with a spirit of rebellion. In striking contrast to the bat-tle cries of those times, Escriv spoke of love, of love which is real and personal.Marriage is a path to God, a school of love, in which children awaken to theknowledge of God. Karel was able to learn and to put into practice in his familylife many things that he heard from Blessed Josemara. These included trustingchildren so that they would feel understood rather than judged, correcting themwhen necessary, and creating a peaceful atmosphere of mutual help and under-standing by washing the dishes together or going on walks together in the moun-tains. In Karels experience, these apparently little things have helped to weavethe fabric of their family life, in an atmosphere of hope and joy.

Marina recalls having met Escriv through his book The Way which shereceived as a gift from Karel during their university years. On reading it, she dis-covered the meaning of human love and marriage as a total commitment of theperson. These were ideas that were entirely opposed to the environment inthose days, when the youth were captivated by a false sense of freedom withoutlimits or responsibility. At a time when commitment-free relationships wereidealized, Marina felt won over by the vision of a demanding love that opens thehorizon of lasting happiness. Now, 28 years later, I am still convinced that myhusband is the person to whom God has wanted to entrust me in a special way.

Jos Antonio Lpez-Ortega, a medical doctor from Mexico, also spoke onthe panel. He relates a singular experience: that of meeting Blessed Josemaraduring his visit to Mexico in the spring of 1970, when he had the good fortune ofattending Josemara Escriv for several weeks. Escrivs precarious health, alongwith complications due to change in climate and altitude, led to frequent encoun-ters between doctor and patient. His contact with Escriv, however, went beyondthe strictly medical ambit. As was customary with Escriv, he immediately sawbehind this young doctor, a person and his family. At those moments, Jos Anto-nio and his wife were going through trying times as they were expecting their

20 - ANTONIO MONSERRAT

sixth child, and they had the RS condition. As a matter of fact, their fifth childhad had to undergo blood transfusions twice on being born.

Conversations with Blessed Josemara helped fill them both with peaceand confidence. They turned at once to prayer, the most effective weapon that aChristian can employ. And the child was born in perfect health. Years later, JosAntonio continues, when Blessed Josemara had already passed away, the couplewerw expecting their seventh child. Let us run to him. Surely, now that he is inHeaven, he will not forget us. With this thought in mind, serenity prevailed.There were three possibilities, Jos Antonio says, the baby could have diedafter being baptized an event which would have caused us deep sorrow, butfrom which we would at least have had the consolation of having a child in Heav-en. A second possibility was that the child could have been born with a seriouscerebral disorder, and in that case, we were willing to take care of him with all ofour affection. Finally, the child could have been born without any problem what-soever. Of these three possibilities, the third one prevailed, as the child immedi-ately recovered. This child is presently at the university which promoted thisCongress about sanctity and ordinary life.

The workshop continued with presentations by Parehuia Tutua-Nathan, aMaori from New Zealand; Markus Schwarz, an Austrian; Bradford Wilcox andBill and Leigh Bowman from the United States; and, finally, Eliane Ekra andHerv Yangni of the Ivory Coast. A considerable portion of their contributionsare compiled in this volume.

Apart from these considerations, we also include some reflections byMarta Brancatisano Manzi who has authored several books on conjugal love.Apart from having personally known Blessed Josemara, she has been able tograsp and spread Escrivs message on human love and marriage.

INTRODUCTION - 21

Claves antropolgicas de unos consejos. El Beato Josemara y el amor matrimonialMarta Brancatisano Manzi

Escritora italiana y miembro del Comit Cientfico del Congreso. Es Directora del Curso de Cul-tura Cristiana de la Familia y la Educacin de la Universidad de la Santa Cruz.

Cada santo tiene una manera particular de ser santo. La caracterstica quedefine la personalidad del Beato Josemara es su peculiar relacin con la llamadadivina y su conciencia de ser instrumento elegido por Dios para cumplir un desig-nio suyo entre los hombres. Hasta tal punto que todas sus dotes y cualidades per-sonales se orientan y crecen en relacin con su respuesta a la vocacin divina.Cuando todava era un muchacho un muchacho normal, en el que no aparec-an seales de nada extraordinario, criado en una familia en la que se palpaba elamor, percibe que Dios tiene un proyecto para cada una de sus criaturas; y com-prende que su camino consiste en buscar el que Dios ha preparado para l. Desdeese momento, cualquier decisin, pequea o grande, se integra en esta bsqueda:viene a ser una respuesta a lo que Dios quiere para l. As decide hacerse sacer-dote; se orienta a una carrera sacerdotal ms pastoral que acadmica; gasta susenergas en la ayuda a los necesitados, sin preocuparse de sus propias carenciaseconmicas. Y as, llega al 2 de octubre de 1928, da en que ve por fin lo que Diosquiere de l. A partir de entonces no cambia su postura espiritual: lo que cambiaes que ahora el objetivo es claro, clarsimo, aunque totalmente nuevo, original.

Todas sus dotes personales se van modelando en la respuesta a su vocacina hacer el Opus Dei; se desarrollan en cuanto sirven a este fin y en el momento enque ese fin lo requiere. Su pasin por la arquitectura se pone en juego cuando hade pensar en la construccin de las sedes materiales de los centros del Opus Dei.Su sensibilidad y su preparacin jurdica sern preciosas para el cumplimiento desu tarea fundacional: para discernir en la luz recibida de Dios los elementos de lallamada a la santidad, que comporta el derecho y el deber de hacer apostolado y

23

de acceder abundantemente a los medios de salvacin; sern de gran valor tam-bin para ejercitar una prudentia iuris al servicio del carisma recibido de Dios1;igualmente esta cualidad ser configurada y ejercida en el gobierno del Opus Deiy en la elaboracin de su derecho peculiar, viva trasposicin en normas de uncamino eclesial.

Desde el primer momento Josemara Escriv pone por escrito pensamien-tos y reflexiones que llegarn a formar un imponente cuerpo editorial (sin dudaes uno de los autores espirituales del siglo XX ms ledos por personas de las msdiversas condiciones y procedencias); pero no se preocupa de otra cosa que deexpresar fielmente sus experiencias interiores, con el nico objetivo de abrircamino a los que vendrn despus.

Difunde su saber teolgico tan adecuado a las exigencias de su pocaque confluye en el magisterio del Concilio del siglo, el Vaticano II ms en con-versaciones y encuentros informales con la gente que en volmenes eruditos.Como un juglar de Dios, no le preocupa realizar cualquier tipo de locura con talde transmitir el mensaje que se identifica con su vida misma..

Su misin en la Iglesia se cumple con el anuncio de un querer divino: lasantidad para todos nel bel mezzo della strada, como le gustaba decir en italia-no castizo y con la fundacin de una empresa sobrenatural finalizada a la difu-sin de ese mensaje. Para lograrlo, pone en juego todos los recursos expresivosy comunicativos. Lo que le importa es hacer comprensible y operativo ese men-saje a quien quiera acogerlo. Toda su doctrina, entendida como explicitacin delmensaje vocacional y su directa consecuencia, est marcada por la necesidadde anunciar; no es consecuencia de una exigencia de sistematicidad sino decomunicacin. En esto su ministerio se asemeja mucho, en su planteamiento y ensu estrategia, al del apstol Pablo. Usa todos los medios: cartas, visitas, viajes, eincluso el cine, gracias al cual conservamos su imagen viva. A quienes vienendespus les corresponde entrar a fondo en su mensaje, profundizando en sus ra-ces escritursticas, en su trascendencia eclesial y en los planteamientos intelec-tuales que subyacen en todas sus enseanzas. Para el tema que vamos a tratarahora, nos interesa sobre todo captar su visin del hombre y de la mujer, es decir,su antropologa.

El Congreso sobre La grandeza de la vida corriente, que ha tenido lugar enRoma con ocasin del centenario de su nacimiento, ha sido en este sentido unaprueba y una confirmacin. En efecto, hemos podido recoger y trasmitir una grancantidad de experiencias presentadas por gente de toda condicin social y cultu-

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1 A. DE FUENMAYOR - V. GMEZ-IGLESIAS - J.L.ILLANES, El itinerario jurdico del Opus Dei.Historia y defensa de un carisma, Pamplona 1989.

ral que no se reducen a una doctrina concluida y ya cerrada. La santidad para lagente que vive en el mundo, trabajando y amando, no tiene una forma fija ymucho menos una frmula. Se apoya sobre la aportacin viva de la responsabili-dad personal de quien se propone alcanzarla ya se trate de un ministro, de unprofesor, como de un artista o de un obrero, apoyada por una parte en una sli-da y exigente formacin doctrinal, capaz de alimentar la inteligencia; y por otraen un trato continuo con Cristo en la oracin y en los sacramentos, capaz de col-mar la sed del corazn.

As, sobre el tema del matrimonio, lo que nos ha dejado Josemara Escrivson un conjunto de afirmaciones y consejos; expresados en alguna ocasin porescrito, pero la mayor parte de las veces transmitidos oralmente en conversacio-nes con novios, esposos y padres. Frases e ideas sencillas pero de una profundi-dad y novedad que impulsan y estimulan a una reflexin en la que se tiene laimpresin de que no se llega a agotar nunca su contenido. Se trata de ideas repe-tidas en su predicacin con un matiz u otro decenas de veces. Aqu las sin-tentizamos con palabras que entendemos que reflejan fielmente su pensamiento.

1. EL CAMINO PARA IR AL CIELO, PARA TI,TIENE EL NOMBRE DE TU MARIDO

Palabras de tono aparentemente romntico, que abren sin embargo lapuerta a una consideracin del matrimonio como camino de santidad. Con estaafirmacin, el Beato Josemara supera la visin del matrimonio como un expe-diente para el cristiano que no se siente capaz de hacer otra cosa mejor; superan-do tambin la idea de que los deberes conyugales son marginales respecto a losdeberes para con Dios. Inicia con estas palabras la superposicin total y sistem-tica de la relacin con Dios y con el cnyuge, en el sentido de que no se puedesostener la hiptesis de una vida espiritual plena de quien est casado, a latere dela vida conyugal; se afirma, en cambio, que Dios no es, en cierto sentido, diversodel cnyuge, es decir, alguien que espera fuera de la casa y del lecho matrimonial.Afirmaciones fuertes, que hoy sentimos en perfecta coherencia con la nueva teo-loga del matrimonio elaborada por Juan Pablo II, como fruto de su estudio per-sonal y de la profundizacin en la doctrina del Concilio Vaticano II. Veamos,entre los muchos textos que podran citarse, uno tomado de la ExhortacinApostlica Familiaris Consortio: Dios ha creado al hombre a su imagen y seme-janza: llamndolo a la existencia por amor, lo ha llamado al mismo tiempo al amor.Dios es amor y vive en s mismo un misterio de comunin personal de amor. Cre-ndola a su imagen y conservndola continuamente en el ser, Dios inscribe en lahumanidad del hombre y de la mujer la vocacin y consiguientemente la capaci-

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dad y la responsabilidad del amor y de la comunin. El amor es por tanto la voca-cin fundamental e innata de todo ser humano2.

De este planteamiento se deriva una nueva luz sobre el matrimonio, sobreel amor humano y sobre la transmisin de la vida. Una luz que no pone en evi-dencia nuevas normas, sino un espritu nuevo en el que vivir y comprender elvalor creacional de la vida matrimonial, en cuanto que no se la ve simplementecomo una cosa buena y til para la sociedad humana, sino como elemento fun-dante del designio de Dios sobre el ser humano y sobre toda la creacin. La narra-cin del Gnesis nos dice con toda claridad que el hombre ha sido creado varny mujer para que pudiera llegar a vivir, en su condicin de creatura, aquel amorque es imagen y semejanza de la Trinidad3. Una luz que despierta la responsabili-dad personal de los esposos al hacerles comprender su posicin estratgica en elmundo y en la Iglesia, y que ilumina modos concretos de realizarla en las situa-ciones contingentes y particulares de cada uno. Los esposos se ven as no comodestinados a ser parte de una muchedumbre annima, sino actores, con un papelfundamental e insustituible en el plan de la Providencia; comprenden que sonuna primera clula de amor y de vida, que manifiesta el rostro del Creador.

La vida matrimonial, con su cotidianidad, con sus alegras y sus dramas, nocorre ya el riesgo de caer en la banalidad rutinaria o de sucumbir ante la adversi-dad. Es un recorrido creativo, inseparable desde el punto de vista existencial, dela propia realizacin. Es el camino a travs del cual cada uno es llamado a ser lmismo y a dar la vida a otros; porque el amor es plenitud de ser y comunica la vidaen sentido ontolgico incluso ms que biolgico.

Ser pareja es el status creacional del hombre, creado sexuado por estar des-tinado al amor como trmino de la semejanza con Dios. El matrimonio no es unaeventualidad, sino la va ordinaria para realizar la propia humanidad. Una talvisin del matrimonio, como una relacin humana primaria y fundamental, cami-no para alcanzar la unin con Dios, arroja una luz nueva tambin sobre la virgi-nidad, sealada por Cristo como una condicin privilegiada. Lejos de cualquiertentacin espiritualista (siempre al acecho a lo largo de la historia de la Iglesia), elmatrimonio que Escriv desvela a los hombres y las mujeres de su tiempo, es unaunin tan santa y tan hermosa que slo se puede renunciar a l por un bien toda-va ms alto. Ese bien superior es la unin directa con Dios que no experimentala mediacin de un amor humano. Matrimonio y virginidad se iluminan as rec-procamente: el amor humano lejos de estar contrapuesto al sagrado amor deDios, es el acceso, el camino que normalmente conduce a l.

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2 JUAN PABLO II, Ex. Ap. Familiaris Consortio, 11.3 Cfr. Gn 1, 26-27.

2. VOSOTRAS LAS MUJERES SOIS PSICLOGAS.LA CULPA ES VUESTRA CUANDO LAS COSAS NO VAN BIEN

Detrs de esta afirmacin, aparentemente dura e intencionalmente para-djica, se cela la proclamacin de una posicin especial de la mujer en la pareja;un papel o quiz un privilegio que le da una prioridad en la dinmica de la rela-cin. Una afirmacin que ser explicitada de forma antropolgicamente cientfi-ca por Juan Pablo II en la Carta Apostlica Mulieris Dignitatem, de 1988.

Al atribuir a la mujer una capacidad psicolgica especial, el Beato Josema-ra reconoce en ella el don femenino de la comprehensin en el sentido latinode contener, de tener como propio del ser humano, en un modo que es conna-tural a su sexo. No se trata de un conocimiento adquirido con el estudio, un frutointelectual el Beato Josemara se refera a todas las mujeres, sea cual fuera sucultura, incluso analfabetas sino de una caracterstica ontolgica recibida delCreador y ligada a su modo sexuado de ser: mujer es aquella que tiene dentro des al otro (hombre e hijo) y que lo siente/conoce con todo su ser. Es quien tieneintimidad con el otro porque est hecha para tenerlo en su seno. Es quien tra-baja para la vida de modo directo y natural.

De esta estructura ontolgica suya deriva la sabidura del otro que tiene lamujer, que la hace duea de una relacin la del amor conyugal y la del amormaterno que es, desde muchos puntos de vista, difcil y misteriosa. Donde elhombre (racional, conocedor del mundo/cosmos exterior, conquistador y gue-rrero), se pierde en los meandros del ser humano, ella se mueve con desenvoltu-ra, con destreza, como iluminada por una experiencia interior y gentica, queslo decae frente a una renuncia deliberada a la propia diferencia sexual (ten-dencia manifestada en el llamado feminismo homologante). La mujer tiene ensus manos la gua de la relacin con el hombre, relacin de la que procedentodas las dems relaciones humanas; relacin paritaria y complementaria. Suposicin de primado no tiene que ver con el mrito, sino que atae, en ciertomodo, a la distincin sexual, que le otorga un dominio/conocimiento del otro,que el varn, por su estructura antropolgica, no tiene. Ella es quien conoce alotro, lo acoge en s, y tiene por eso la capacidad de conducir la relacin y derecomponerla cuando sea necesario. En este planteamiento, ni siquiera se roza lafalsa problemtica de la superioridad entre los dos sexos; por el contrario, sepone de manifiesto que la propiedad complementaria es la que gua la relacin dela pareja. La mujer como por lo dems el hombre no se basta a s misma ytiene necesidad del hombre para ser como mujer; pero su posicin le confiere elpoder y la responsabilidad de conducir la relacin y de mantenerla viva; locual le da una marcada propensin como es de experiencia comn a seragente de comprensin, de perdn, de paz. Si la mujer no rechaza esta respon-

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sabilidad estructural, conseguir que el varn despliegue todas sus capacidadesmasculinas, desarrollando el papel de complementariedad que est en la base desu relacin, y de su supervivencia como seres humanos. La sabidura popular,entre serio y broma, ha dicho siempre que el mundo est gobernado por lasmujeres, pero el carcter de este poder (que se parece mucho al servicio o aaquella noblesse que obliga, y obliga mucho) no se parece a aquel poder vistosoy arrogante que hoy se tiende a proponer en nuestro panorama cultural. Lamujer de la poca actual, preocupada slo de la conquista del mundo exteriorimita las caractersticas masculinas (no slo estructurales sino tambin histri-cas: el suyo es un feminismo especular del machismo, entendido como poderque aplasta) y evade aquel poder, tpicamente femenino, que es capaz de dar lavida pero que ni persigue ni asegura fama y xito.

Estamos hablando de la estructura antropolgica, y por tanto, de algo quehay que hacer madurar, que no se puede dar por descontado. De hecho, lamujer de hoy ha suprimido, con una negacin psicolgica ms que exterior, susinclinaciones femeninas espontneas, para ponerse frente al hombre de un modotpicamente masculino: con agresividad, con ganas de prevalecer sobre l encampos que representan el mbito natural de la actividad del varn, con una acti-tud cerrada. Su no a la maternidad, se resuelve, en la dinmica relacional de lapareja, en un no al hombre. El empowerment de la mujer impuesto ms quemadurado ha minado las bases de la relacin de la pareja, con resultados evi-dentes y clamorosos.

En esta situacin, las palabras de Escriv suenan como un autntico desa-fo para las mujeres, de modo que, a travs de ese cumplido (sois psiclogas), sesientan deseosas de buscar y ya es hora el sentido de la feminidad, conscien-tes de que toda investigacin en este sector tiene un valor universal.

3. QUIERES A TU MARIDO? LO QUIERES TAMBIN CON SUS DEFECTOS?

Una provocacin afectuosa e irnica, se podra decir. Es, en cambio, unadeclaracin de notable hondura antropolgica, que ilumina la importancia de larelacin entre hombre y mujer en la economa de la salvacin. Con estas palabras,el Beato Josemara declara la totalidad del compromiso personal en la relacin deamor, y pone de relieve la dimensin existencial profunda que une a los sereshumanos entre s: la ayuda recproca. En una poca como la nuestra, que hace delsentimiento el nico ingrediente del amor, el poner juntos placer y fastidio resul-ta hertico. Cmo se puede pensar en unir la idea de amor, que es slo fuente deplacer, con algo spero y desagradable como es la dificultad y el dolor? El amores tal mientras es bello; cuando se hace incmodo y problemtico, se da por

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muerto y se pasa a otra cosa. Tpico residuo de la mentalidad consumstica, quems o menos conscientemente, encontramos en todos los mbitos de nuestra cul-tura y ha penetrado en la relacin de amor a travs de un sencillo silogismo: si esverdad que una cosa es buena mientras me da placer y despus se tira a la basu-ra, tambin es verdad que cuando el amor se hace difcil, quiere decir que ya noes amor; y entonces se cambia. Pero el ser humano por lo menos en el plano dela creacin y de la redencin es la nica cosa que no se puede tirar, sopena deldesastre ecolgico de todo el universo. El ser humano sea quien sea tiene elderecho de ser amado porque el Creador lo ama como a un hijo nico y lo ha con-fiado a sus semejantes con la misma intencin4. La persona que se elige para todala vida el cnyuge tiene el derecho de ser amado, sea como sea, o mejor, cam-bie lo que cambie. Toda la creacin depende de este modo estructural. El hombrey la mujer a travs de su amor se dan la vida, se ayudan a vivir. Un matrimo-nio que convive bien, es decir, amndose, es una fuente de energa nuclear, quese irradia fuera de las paredes familiares; es un punto fuerte de la sociedad, queno consume recursos, sino que los produce (creatividad profesional, capacidadde voluntariado/care, buen estado de salud por ausencia de enfermedades psico-somticas debidas a traumas afectivos, capacidad de apertura a los otros, alegray diversin). Todo parte de la conciencia de esta dimensin de ayuda que permi-te aceptar el alejamiento no la negacin del placer (entendido en su formams intensa, que compromete el alma y el cuerpo) en el curso de la vida matri-monial. El otro sigue siendo aquel que un da eleg, que he amado y escogido,tambin cuando se vuelve con culpa o sin ella desagradable.

Es extraordinario que, en pocas y sencillas palabras, el Beato Josemarahaya expresado la correcta perspectiva que permite captar el fundamento sobreel que se apoya la relacin entre marido y mujer, que explica su coherencia y haceposible pero no por eso fcil su realizacin. La capacidad de vivir verdade-ramente y para siempre el amor no depender de una situacin de hecho, sino dela conciencia de que la relacin entre marido y mujer tiene sus espinas, y de lavoluntad decidida de aceptarlas. En esta perspectiva, la operacin de tirar a labasura resulta incluso ridcula, adems de presagiar consecuencias trgicas.

La identidad misma del amor que se ha elegido por ti y contigo cual-quier cosa testimonia que es absurdo a costa de dao de la propia identi-dad lamentarse a la hora de la prueba, sea sta el agotamiento cotidiano o latragedia no prevista. Es como si estas palabras del Beato Josemara hicieran queresultara natural decir cuando aparece una dificultad ahora es cuando te quiero

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4 El hombre es la nica criatura que Dios ha querido por s misma, CONCILIO VATICANO II,Past. Const. Gaudium et spes, 24.

de verdad, ahora que eres feo, antiptico, ahora que me haces dao, que me dejassola [...]. Es como si ayudaran de alguna manera a descifrar la identidad mismadel amor.

Experiencia humana total y vital, el amor conyugal compromete a toda lapersona con todo lo que tiene. El amor es sentimiento, pero tambin es razn; esinstinto, pero tambin es fortaleza; es una alegra tan grande que da sentido tam-bin al dolor.

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The Anthropological Foundations of Some Words of Advice: Blessed Josemara and Conjugal LoveMarta Brancatisano Manzi

An Italian writer and member of the Academic Committee of the Congress. She is currentlyDirector of the program on the Christian Culture of Family and Education at the Pontifical Uni-versity of the Holy Cross.

Each saint has his or her own way of being a saint. The characteristic whichdefines the personality of Blessed Josemara is his unique relation with his divinecalling and his awareness of being an instrument chosen by God to accomplishHis design among human beings. This was so much the case that all of his talentsand personal qualities were directed towards and grew in proportion to hisresponse to his vocation. Brought up in a family where love was palpable, Jose-mara was still a young man an ordinary teenager with nothing extraordinaryabout him when he understood that God had a plan for each of His creaturesand that his path consisted in finding out what God had in mind for him. Fromthat moment on, every decision he made, whether great or small, became part ofthat quest. This was how he decided to become a priest. He followed a course inthe seminary that was more directed towards pastoral work than to academics,and he expended all of his energy on helping the needy, despite his own econom-ic straits. At last October 2, 1928 arrived, the day when he finally saw what Godwanted from him. It was not so much that his spiritual state changed then, as thatthe objective suddenly became clear to him, in spite of its complete newness andoriginality.

All of his talents were employed in his response to his vocation to do OpusDei. Thus, for example, his passion for architecture found expression when cen-ters of Opus Dei needed to be built. Likewise, his sensitivity and legal educationproved very useful to him when it came to carrying out his foundational mission,in order to discern in the light which he had received from God, those elements

31

of the call to sanctity which carry with them the right and duty to do apostolateand to have frequent recourse to the means of salvation. They also served in hisexercise of prudentia iuris in the service of the charism which he had receivedfrom God1. This was the same prudence that was molded and exercised in thegovernment of Opus Dei and in the transposition of its ecclesial path into normsin the drafting of its particular law.

Josemara Escriv recorded his thoughts and reflections from very early on,and these later came to form the basis for powerful volumes of reading material(he is undoubtedly one of the most widely read spiritual writers of the 20th centu-ry, with readers from the most diverse circumstances and backgrounds). In all ofthis, his only concern was the faithful expression of his interior experiences, withthe objective of introducing this new path to those who would come after him.

He also shared his theological knowledge (so suited to the needs of ourtimes and which tied in so well with the Magisterium of the Council of the era,the Second Vatican Council), mostly through friendly conversations and informalgatherings, rather than through erudite books. As a juggler of God, he did nothesitate to set about any task no matter how mad it seemed so long as itwould help communicate the message with which his whole life was identified.

His mission in the Church was fulfilled with the announcement of the Willof God: holiness for all nel bel mezzo della strada, as he liked to say using a famil-iar Italian expression2, and the consequent foundation of a supernatural enterprisewhose aim was to spread this message. He used all of his communication skillstowards this end. What mattered most to him was to make this message compre-hensible and functional for its recipients. All of his teachings understood as anelaboration of the vocational message and its immediate implications aremarked with a sense of urgency to share them with others. In its focus and strate-gy, his ministry can be likened to that of the apostle Paul. Blessed Josemara didnot spare any of the means that he had at hand: letters, visits, trips, even films,thanks to which we have live footage of him. Those of us who have come after himface the challenge of delving into his message, and discovering the scriptural roots,ecclesial transcendence and intellectual insights latent therein. Our present topicrequires from us to focus on his vision of man and woman, that is, his anthropolo-gy.

The Congress entitled The Grandeur of Ordinary Life held in Rome on theoccasion of the centennial of his birth, has served as both proof and confirmation

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1 A. DE FUENMAYOR - V. GMEZ-IGLESIAS - J.L.ILLANES, The Canonical Path of Opus Dei. TheHistory and Defense of a Charism, Princeton 1994.

2 This phrase aptly conveys the idea of seeking holiness in the midst of all ordinary human pla-ces, affairs and events, including in the street.

of this. In effect, we have been able to gather and pass on a considerable amountof experience shared by people of diverse social and cultural conditions that cancertainly not be reduced to a closed doctrinal system. The holiness of people wholive in the middle of the world, loving and working, does not have a set form, andmuch less does it follow any fixed formula. It rests principally on the personalresponsibility of the individual who is trying to achieve holiness in his or her ownlife, whether he or she is a government minister, a professor, an artist, a laborer orwhatever else. It depends, on the one hand, on having serious doctrinal formationthat can nourish the intellect and, on the other hand, on maintaining a constantrelationship with Christ through prayer and the sacraments, thus satisfying thenoble longings of the human heart.

As is the case with other topics, what Josemara Escriv has left us aboutmarriage are a collection of considerations and words of advice. Some of thesewere in writing, but the vast majority were passed on to us orally, in conversationsand meetings with couples and parents. They are simple phrases and ideas withremarkable depth and novelty, that motivate and stimulate reflection while leav-ing the impression that their contents are inexhaustible. The following are someideas that recur in his teachings, synthesized with words which we believe faith-fully reflect his thought.

1. YOUR PATH TO HEAVEN HAS A NAME: THAT OF YOUR HUSBAND

These apparently romantic words bring us to the consideration of marriageas a path to sanctity. They illustrate how Blessed Josemara saw matrimony asmuch more than something expedient for those Christians who do not feel capa-ble of anything better in life. They also reflect how he rejected the idea that con-jugal duties are marginal to the obligations which we owe to God. These wordsalso highlight the total and systematic inter-relation of ones relationship withGod with ones relationship with ones spouse: for a married person, there can beno spiritual life lived to the full outside of marriage. He affirms that, in a way,God is not distinct from ones spouse. In other words, God is not someone whowaits for us beyond our homes and our marriage beds. This is a powerful affirma-tion which is nonetheless perfectly consistent with the new theology of marriageelaborated by John Paul II, as fruit of his personal, in-depth study of the doctrineof Vatican Council II. Among the numerous texts that can be cited, we turn to apassage from the Apostolic Exhortation Familiaris Consortio: God created manin his own image and likeness: calling him to existence through love, he called himat the same time for love. God is love and in himself he lives a mystery of person-al loving communion. Creating the human race in his own image and continually

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keeping it in being, God inscribed in the humanity of man and woman the voca-tion, and thus the capacity and responsibility, of love and communion. Love istherefore the fundamental and innate vocation of every human being3.

From this point of view, we obtain new light about marriage, human loveand the transmission of life. These insights do not create new obligations, butrather offer a new spirit in which married life seen not only as a good or usefulthing for human society is taken as a fundamental aspect of Gods design forhumanity and for all of creation (the book of Genesis clearly tells us that God cre-ated man and woman so that they could come to live, from their creaturely condi-tion, that love which is an image and likeness of the Trinity)4. This insight alsoawakens the personal responsibility of both spouses as it enables them to perceivetheir strategic position in the world and in the Church, and it points to specificways to carry out their role in the personal and varying circumstances of each per-son. Spouses can then begin to see themselves not just as part of a nameless crowd,but rather as actors who have leading roles in the plan of Providence: they are thebuilding blocks of love and life, that show forth the face of the Creator.

Viewed from this perspective, married life, with all of its ordinariness, andits daily joys and dramas, avoids the danger of becoming merely a sort of lifelessroutine or of collapsing in the face of adversity. It is seen rather as a creative jour-ney towards ones own fulfillment. This is the path along which each person iscalled to be him or herself while giving life to others, since love is fullness of beingand communicates life, both in the ontological and in the biological sense.

Partnership is the creational status of the human being, as each humanbeing has been endowed by God with a specific gender through which he or sheis destined to love, thus reflecting the persons likeness to God. Matrimony is notjust another fact of life. It is, rather, the ordinary way for each person to realize hisor her humanity. This vision of marriage as the primary and fundamental rela-tionship, and the path to reach union with God also sheds light upon virgini-ty, which Christ revealed to be a privileged condition. Far from being some sortof temptation (a misconception that has lingered on throughout the Churchs his-tory), the concept of marriage which Escriv reveals to the men and women ofour times is a union that is so holy and beautiful that only a greater Good can jus-tify its renunciation. This higher Good is direct union with God, without themediation of human love. Marriage and virginity thus illuminate one another:human love is not opposed to the sacred love of God, but is rather a way toaccess it, the path that ordinarily leads to Him.

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3 JOHN PAUL II, Apost. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 11. 4 Gen 1:26-27.

2. YOU WOMEN ARE PSYCHOLOGISTS; YOU ARE THE ONESTO BLAME WHEN THINGS GO WRONG

Behind these apparently harsh and intentionally paradoxical words is anaffirmation of the womans special role in a couples relationship, a role or evena privilege by which she has the upper hand in its development. This is a truththat is explicitly considered in its anthropological dimension by John Paul II inhis Apostolic Letter Mulieris Dignitatem.

By attributing to the woman a special psychological capacity, Blessed Jose-mara is acknowledging the special feminine gift of comprehension in its origi-nal Latin sense, that is, of containing or of having as ones own of the humanbeing, in a manner which is connatural to her gender. We are dealing here with atype of knowledge that is not the result of intellectual study as Blessed Jose-mara was referring to all women, regardless of culture or level of education but rather of an ontological property given to her by the Creator and linked toher sexuality: the woman is she who contains the other (man or child) in her andwho feels and knows the other with all of her being. It is she who has a specialintimacy with the other because she is made to be able to carry the other withinher. It is also the woman who works for life in a direct and natural way.

The womans wisdom about the other derives precisely from her specificontological structure which, at the same time, makes her the master of the oftendifficult and mysterious relationships of the family, be they spousal or maternal.Whereas man the rational knower of the exterior world, the natural conquerorand warrior is more easily lost amidst the particularities of each human being,the woman makes her way with grace and skill, as if endowed with an interior,genetic capacity for this. This feminine gift can unfortunately become clouded bythe voluntary renunciation of her unique sexuality, a tendency manifest in someforms of feminism. The woman holds in her hands the guide to her relationshipwith man, a paired and complementary relationship from which all other rela-tionships are born. Her privileged position has nothing to do with merit butrather stems from the sexual difference that gives her a certain dominion over theother, a quality which the man does not have by his anthropological structure. Itis she who knows and receives the other, thereby giving her the capacity to leadthe relationship and mend it when necessary.

This approach is not related to the so-called problem of superioritybetween the sexes. On the contrary, it manifests that it is the complementary prop-erty that is to guide the relationships of couples. As is equally the case with man,woman alone will not suffice: women need men in order to be authenticallywomen. Nevertheless, her position gives her the power and the responsibility to guide and maintain the relationship. Common experience shows us her

THE ANTHROPOLOGICAL FOUNDATIONS OF SOME WORDS OF ADVICE - 35

marked tendency to be an agent of understanding, forgiveness and peace. If thewoman does not reject this structural responsibility, she will enable man to devel-op his masculine capacities and contribute to the flourishing of the complemen-tarity that is at the base of their relationship, and ultimately, of the survival of theentire human race. Popular wisdom only partly in jest has always affirmedthat the world is ruled by women. However, the character of feminine power which can be likened to service in the spirit of noblesse oblige is quite unlikethe clamorous and arrogant power which modern culture tends to exalt. Todayswoman, who is often only concerned about conquering the outside world, tendsto appropriate masculine characteristics (not only in their structural but also intheir historical aspect, resulting in a feminism that emulates the stereotypicallymasculine model of power as brute force) while undermining that typically femi-nine power which is capable of giving life without seeking fame or glory.

This is a question of the womans anthropological structure. As such, it isa natural endowment that needs to be developed and perfected in each woman.Unfortunately, many women today have suppressed in a more psychologicalthan external manner their spontaneous feminine inclinations in order to chal-lenge men according to masculine standards: with closed-minded aggression andthe desire to prevail in fields that are traditionally the sphere of manly activities.Her no to maternity in the relational dynamics of the couple is effectively a noto man. This form of empowerment of women which has been imposed uponus rather than having developed naturally has shaken the very foundations ofthe couples relationship, with evident and disastrous results.

In these circumstances, Escrivs words provide a real challenge to women.As the psychologists that Escriv takes them for, they feel desirous of seeking and it is time that they do so the real meaning of femininity, bearing in mindthat any progress in this field of research is of universal value.

3. DO YOU LOVE YOUR HUSBAND WITH HIS DEFECTS?

We might say that this is an affectionate and ironic provocation. More thananything, it is a declaration of the deep anthropological foundation that sheds lighton the importance of the relationship between man and woman in the history ofsalvation. With these words, Blessed Josemara draws attention to the totality ofthe personal commitment involved in a loving relationship while highlighting theprofound existential dimension that unites human beings to one another: recipro-cal assistance. In times like ours when emotions are often seen as the only elementin love, connecting pleasure with something bothersome sounds almost heretical.How can love, which is nothing other than a source of pleasure, go hand in hand

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with something as bitter and unpleasant as suffering and difficulties? Love, theysay, is love only as long as it is beautiful; the moment it becomes uncomfortableand problematic, it becomes something else. This is a typical expression of theconsumerist mentality that we find in more or less all of the aspects of our culture,affecting even loving relationships through this simple syllogism: if a thing is worthkeeping only insofar as it is useful or pleasurable, then a love that becomes diffi-cult can likewise be thrown away and exchanged for another.

The human being, however at least from the viewpoint of creation andRedemption is the only thing that cannot be disposed of without giving rise towhat could be called an ecological disaster for the entire universe. A human per-son, no matter who he or she may be, has the right to be loved, because each per-son is loved by the Creator as an only child, and each person has been entrustedby God to those of his kind so that they too may love him5. Likewise, the personchosen for life the spouse has the right to be loved, whoever he or she maybe, or better still, whatever changes he or she may undergo. All of creationdepends on this structural relationship. Man and woman through their love communicate life while helping each other to live. A married couple that liveswell, that is, that lives loving each other, is a generator of nuclear energy thatradiates beyond the confines of the family home; it is a powerhouse for society,that produces rather than consumes energy (professional creativity, capacity tocare, well-being from absence of psychosomatic illnesses due to affective trau-mas, capacity for openness to others and for joy and leisure). Everything beginsfrom the awareness of this dimension of mutual assistance that allows for a certaindetachment from and not necessarily negation of pleasure (here understoodin its most extreme form as something that can threaten both body and soul) inthe course of married life. The other person continues being the one whom Ichose, loved and married even though blameless or not he or she at timesbecomes disagreeable to me.

It is amazing how Blessed Josemara was able to capture in a few, simplewords the perspective that aptly expresses the foundation on which the relation-ship between husband and wife rests, a perspective that explains its coherenceand makes its fulfillment possible, although it may not always be easy. The capac-ity to love in an authentic and enduring manner does not depend on some chanceevent but rather on the knowledge that the relationship between man and womanwill necessarily have its thorns, and on the firm will to accept them. In this light,the act of throwing away a relationship appears to be ridiculous, in addition tobeing the precursor of tragic consequences.

THE ANTHROPOLOGICAL FOUNDATIONS OF SOME WORDS OF ADVICE - 37

5 As was affirmed by VATICAN COUNCIL II, Past. Const. Gaudium et Spes, 24, man is the onlycreature on earth that God has wanted for its own sake.

The very identity of a love which has been freely chosen attests to theabsurdity of complaining at the hour of difficulty, whether due to plain exhaus-tion from daily work or to some unforeseen tragedy. Blessed Josemaras phrasemakes it seem as if it were natural in the face of difficulties to say it is now that Itruly love you, now that you are ugly, unkind, now that you have hurt me, nowwhen you leave me alone. It is as if his simple words help us to unravel the veryidentity of love.

As a complete and vital human experience, conjugal love involves theentire person with all that he or she is and has. To be sure, love is emotion, but itis also reason; it is instinct, but it is also fortitude; it is a joy so great that it givesmeaning to suffering.

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Meeting the Challenge:How the Life and Teachings of Blessed Josemara Escriv Have Helped my MarriageW. Bradford Wilcox

Research Fellow at the Institute for the Advanced Study of Religion at Yale University. He iscurrently writing a book on men, religion, and family life. He has been married for six years andhas two children under the age of two.

I must begin with a confession. I have a doctorate in the sociology of thefamily and frequently offer my professional opinion on the family in the UnitedStates to friends, family, and audiences such as this. Of course, as many of youmay know, doctors are legendary for giving advice to their patients that they dontfollow themselves. And I must admit that Ive been known to give advice that Idont follow. So it is with some trepidation that I now speak about how the lifeand message of Blessed Josemara Escriv have influenced my family life.

I begin by noting the perilous state of marriage and family life in the Unit-ed States, since this is the environment in which I live and work, and this is theenvironment that necessarily colors my approach to family life. A few statistics tellthe story: almost 50% of marriages will end in divorce; 32% of children are bornoutside of wedlock; and more than 50% of all marriages are preceded by cohabi-tation. Clearly, the U.S. is far from living the vision of married life centeredaround spousal unity and children offered to the world by the Catholic Church.

So what is going on in the U.S.? At the most obvious level, we have severedthe moral ties between sex, procreation, and lifelong marriage that once boundour families together. But I think there are deeper cultural and spiritual sourcesof the problems that families in the U.S. confront. Two issues, in particular, cometo mind:

a sentimental view of marriage; and an androgynous approach to the sexes.

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In recent years, a number of keen observers of the American scene havepointed out that Americans have an overly sentimental view of marriage. Thissentimental view sees marriage as an opportunity for persons to focus on fun andintimacy to share, explore, and nurture their deepest psychological and sexu-al desires. Hence, little room is left in marriage for children, virtue, and for thesmall and large struggles that mark the average marriage. In this view, marriage ispunctuated by many peak moments and very few valleys of hardship. In aword, the search for transcendence a search that preoccupies all of us isshifted from God to the marital relationship. And because no marriage can bearthe burden of such high hopes, many men and women in the U.S. abandon theirspouses when they discover that their spouses cannot meet their overly sentimen-tal desires for meaning and intimacy in marriage.

As a married man and as an American, I admit that I have been and con-tinue to be tempted by this sentimental vision of marriage. Left to my owndevices, Id prefer to spend time with my wife enjoying a fine meal out, speakingabout weighty issues, and travelling to exotic locales. But the example and teach-ing of Blessed Josemara Escriv have helped me to struggle against this senti-mental vision by embracing the more pedestrian dimensions of married life in asupernatural spirit of service.

The founder of Opus Dei stressed over and over again that we find truemeaning in life by seeking God in the very ordinariness of everyday life. In TheWay, he writes, Do everything for love. In that way there will be no little things:everything will be big. Perseverance in the little things for love is heroism1.

Of course, family life presents many opportunities to offer ordinary detailsof service in this spirit of love for God and spouse. One example makes the point.After we adopted our first son, my wife, Danielle, usually groomed our sonbefore we went out in the morning. But there were numerous occasions when shewasnt available to get him ready and I had to dress and wash him. Initially, I didnot take great care with his appearance: I often neglected to comb his hair andtuck in his shirt, for instance. I didnt see the point to dedicating so much care togrooming him: it took an extra five minutes when we were rushed in the morningand I was sure that no one noticed his hair at the morning Mass.

But Danielle did not take kindly to my failure to groom our son. She chid-ed me on three or four occasions for not paying sufficient attention to Alexan-ders appearance. At first, I didnt take her correction too seriously. But afterpraying about it I realized that this was very important to her, that it reflected onour familys reputation, and that this was a good opportunity to live out the

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1 The Way, 813.

supernatural spirit of service taught by Blessed Josemara Escriv in a small detailof family life. For all these reasons, I have since made it a habit to comb Alexan-ders hair and dress him appropriately whenever its my turn to groom him in themorning. Needless to say, whenever I attend to family details in this supernaturalspirit, I bring a measure of genuine happiness to my wife that no number ofromantic dinners could equal. And I also gain a renewed appreciation of the con-cern that God has for the ordinary details of our lives.

Another challenge facing marriage in America is the androgynous spiritthat, all too often, guides the relations between the sexes in the U.S. Men andwomen dont know how to act towards one another in and outside of marriage.We fear falling into a kind of retrograde sexism or simply have no practicalknowledge of authentic masculinity or femininity. So nothing choreographs theage-old dance between men and women, and confusion ensues.

One indication of this androgynous confusion is that many men andwomen think that they can have close personal or professional friendships withmembers of the opposite sex even after they marry. After all, the thinking goes,men and women are equal, they are adults, and, accordingly, they are quite capa-ble of handling themselves responsibly. In the U.S., it is quite common, forinstance, for married professionals to go out for dinner and drinks with membersof the opposite sex when on business. In these settings, conversations can andoften do get quite personal. What these professionals dont realize is that suchfriendships can do serious harm to their marriages. Im not speaking here only ofadultery but also of the more subtle ways that men and women can fall into thehabit of focusing their hearts and minds on persons who are not their spouses.

Sociological research, for instance, tells us that one significant risk factorfor divorce is working with a large number of members of the opposite sex inones work place. Of course, such workplaces do not present a problem if onemaintains a proper distance with colleagues of the opposite sex and always strivesto keep ones love for ones spouse very much alive.

If a marriage is to preserve its initial charm and beauty, both husband andwife should try to renew their love day after day [...] A married womans atten-tion should be centred on her husband and children as a married mans should becentred on his wife and children. Much time and effort is required to succeed inthis, and anything which militates against it is bad and shouldnt be tolerated.There is no excuse for not fulfilling this lovable duty. Work outside the home isnot an excuse. Not even ones life of piety can be an excuse because if it is incom-patible with ones daily obligations it is not good nor pleasing to God2.

MEETING THE CHALLENGE - 41

2 Conversations, 107.

But too often Americans dont take care to respect the deep, powerful, andnatural attractions between men and women and disaster ensues.

I must admit that I had fallen under the spell of this androgynous spiritwhen I first married Danielle. I had a number of close, personal female friend-ships, and I had no intention of breaking those ties. But, soon after we married, Ilearned more and more about Blessed Josemara Escrivs ethic of discretionwhen dealing with members of the opposite sex.

Thus, early in my marriage, Blessed Escrivs message and exampleinspired me to break off close female friendships for the sake of my vocation tomarriage. I did so knowing that I would be guarding my heart against any threatsto purity. More importantly, I did so knowing that I was now free to give myself my thoughts, my hopes, and my deeds more completely to my wife. Andthis, of course, is one of the most central purposes of the vocation to marriage.

Of course, there are other challenges facing marriage in America. Ourexcessive preoccupation with work, our consumerism, our ceaseless desire to beentertained all these factors and more impinge on my marriage and the mar-riages of my fellow citizens in the U.S. But the life and teaching of Blessed Jose-mara Escriv have helped me meet these challenges by approaching marriage ina new spirit a spirit that is not captive to the Zeitgeist, the spirit of the age.Among other things, Blessed Escriv has shown me how to overcome the androg-ynous and sentimental spirits of this age. His words and deeds have helped givemen like me a vision of what marriage can and should look like in a world that haslost a supernatural vision of what the vocation of marriage is.

42 - W. BRADFORD WILCOX

How the Teachings of Blessed Josemara Have Influenced my Life as a Husband and FatherMarkus Schwartz

He studied Biology and Immunology in Vienna. MBA degree from the University of Navarre,IESE, Barcelona. He is currently a Hospital Director in Salzburg, Austria and has been Presidentof the family orientation organisation Gesellschaft fuer Familienorientierung in Vienna for over5 years. Married since 1992 and father of five children.

I have spent almost forty years preaching the vocational meaning of mar-riage. More than once I have had occasion to see faces light up as men andwomen who had thought that in their lives a dedication to God was incompatiblewith a noble and pure human love, heard me say that marriage is a divine path onearth!

Christian couples should be aware that they are called to sanctity them-selves and to sanctify others, that they are called to be apostles and that their firstapostolate is in the home. They should understand that founding a family, edu-cating their children, and exercising a Christian influence in society, are super-natural tasks. The effectiveness and the success of their life their happiness depends to a great extent on their awareness of their specific mission.

But they mustnt forget that the secret of married happiness lies in every-day things, not in daydreams. It lies in finding the hidden joy of coming home inthe evening, in affectionate relations with their children, in the everyday work inwhich the whole family cooperates; in good humour in the face of difficulties thatshould be met with a sporting spirit; in making the best use of all the advantagesthat civilisation offers to help us rear children, to make the house pleasant and lifemore simple.

I constantly tell those who have been called by God to form a home tolove one another always, to love each other with the love of their youth. Any onewho thinks that love ends when the worries and difficulties that life brings with it

43

begin, has a poor idea of marriage, which is a sacrament and an ideal and a voca-tion. It is precisely then that love grows strong. Torrents of worries and difficul-ties are incapable of drowning true love because people who sacrifice themselvesgenerously together are brought closer by their sacrifice. As Scripture says, aquaemultae, a host of difficulties, physical and moral, non potuerunt extinguere cari-tatem, cannot extinguish love (Cant 8:7)1.

These words of Blessed Josemara can serve as a framework for the reflec-tions I intend to make. I got to know the teachings of Blessed Josemara longbefore I was thinking of marriage and founding a family myself. However, alreadyat this time I was fascinated and inspired by his teaching on the nobility and theextraordinary value of the sacrament of marriage and on the values and virtues ofthe family in todays society.

On many occasions including through reading books and letters, andseeing documentary films I had the chance to hear Blessed Josemara speak ofthe uniqueness of the vocation of becoming husband and wife and even beyondthat, of becoming father or mother. For the first time I heard somebody talkabout a vocation, in my case to become a husband and a father. And this vocationwas not something in addition to or beside my Christian vocation, but was part ofit and actually only a specific way the way God has foreseen for me of mate-rializing my Christian vocation.

The priest who celebrated the ceremony of our wedding summed up insimple words what would become the motto of our lives in the homily: Markus,your way towards sanctity is from now on named Alexandra, and Alexandra,your way towards sanctity has from now on the name Markus. With this mes-sage still resounding in our ears we have tried to find Christ in our daily life byalways looking at each other and the needs of the other and interests within thefamily and our marriage. This is, of course, not always easy, and many times itseems impossible after a hard day at work to come home, build up new energy formy wife and the children and still listen to a whole load of family problems andto dos.

What Blessed Josemara has taught us to do on these occasions are twothings and we have had numerous chances on which to benefit from his recom-mendations. To begin with, I try to prepare myself in prayer before walkingthrough the door to come home. By asking Jesus, Mary or St. Joseph to take careof my wife and each one of my children and to help me think about their specialneeds, like the promised time to build a new toy or the appointment one of them

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1 Conversations, 91.

may have had with the doctor, etc., it is very easy to put things back into per-spective and to forget about my own subjective needs and preferences.

It was very difficult for me to leave my mental business agenda at workand to stop bringing my office-mood home to my family. I usually expected anice calm home, where I could finally relax and settle into my role as a father.Regularly this idea was quickly distorted and I slipped into my role as an animaltrainer in the circus ring who had to take control of a wild horde of beasts. Iwould find some children crying on the floor, others flooding the bathroom, andthe little one (Maria, six months old), studying books by tearing them apart, andmy wife unable to respond to my greetings with all the enthusiasm I would wishfor. Now I still find the same things, only I can react much more quickly to main-tain my role as a responsive husband and father, who at least tries to understandthe background of my childrens behaviour and above all the reactions of mywife; and continuous prayer while talking to my wife and my children has manytimes helped to calm these situations and to contribute to restoring a more pos-itive family environment. I still fall into my animal trainer role, but much soonerand more often we can remove the cages before putting the children to bed.

In addition to this, Blessed Josemara has also taught us to offer all the lit-tle contradictions in our daily life for our loved ones. So even the more difficultmoments we spend with our family and each other can have this sweet taste ofsacrifice that suddenly turns our get-togethers into the most precious moments oflife, when we are able to solve the tiny problems of our children, like the brokendoll or the tears after a fight among brothers, or help each other to regain ourstrength for another day.

In this way Blessed Josemara has taught my wife and I to view our mar-riage and family not only as a social building block or, even as solely a contractu-al vow for life, but as a clear call by Our Lord Jesus Christ Himself to live our lifein a certain way for the sanctification of ourselves and of our family and friends.

In this regard, I think it is important to show with our daily behaviour, howwe set our priorities in life. Blessed Josemara has shown us the need to alwaystake care of our Christian perspective in every situation of our life. A vivid exam-ple we face every year is that of choosing the right place for our vacation. Sincethe relaxed, and at times immoral environment of some places, especially somebeaches or overcrowded tourist areas can be hard to combine with a Christianinterior life, we try to pick locations that make living the Christian virtues easier.By also talking to our children about our reasons for choosing a holiday spotwithout a beach or public bathing facilities, we hope to live this vivid example ofwhat it means to put Christ at the summit of every activity as Blessed Josemaraoften encouraged.

INFLUENCE ON MY LIFE AS A HUSBAND AND FATHER - 45

Dwelling together in this same spirit of Christianity of course helps to setour priorities straight also in this respect.

Now I would like to look at some of the teachings of Blessed Josemararegarding the Christian virtues within family life. Blessed Josemara preachedcontinuously on the importance of the human virtues the a basis of the supernat-ural virtues2. This is one of the main themes that we also want to follow withinour own family and especially in the education of our own children.

As part of the upbringing of children in a Christian family, Blessed Jose-mara always recommended that parents become real friends of their children,and more precisely, that fathers become real friends of their sons and mothersreal friends of their daughters. This has, of course, major implications for ourown behaviour as parents. Probably the most obvious way of showing friendshipwith one another lies in the way one deals with mistakes and failures in ones ownbehaviour. Blessed Josemara always taught us to apologize for the mistakes wemake in family life. He has reminded us that husband and wife always need to bethe first in forgiving.

Each of us has his own character, his personal tastes, his moods attimes his bad moods and his defects. But we all have likeable aspects in ourpersonality as well, and for this reason, and many others, everyone can be loved.It is possible to live happily together when everyone tries to correct his owndefects and makes an effort to overlook the faults of others. That is to say, whenthere is love which cancels out and overcomes everything that might seem to be amotive for coldness and disagreement. On the one hand, if husband and wifedramatise their little differences and reproach each other for their defects andmistakes, they put an end to peace and run the risk of killing their love. [...] Any-one who says that he cannot put up with this or that, or finds it impossible to holdhis peace, is exaggerating in order to justify himself. We should ask God for thegrace to overcome our whims and practice self control. When we lose our temperwe lose control of the situation. Words can become harsh and bitter and we endup by offending, wounding and hurting, even though we didnt mean to.

We should all learn to keep quiet, to wait and say things in a positive,optimistic way. When her husband loses his temper the moment has arrived forthe wife to be especially patient until he calms down, and vice versa. If there istrue love and a real desire to deepen it, it will very rarely happen that the two givein to bad temper at the same time.

Another very important thing is to get used to the fact that we are nevera hundred percent right. In fact one can say that in matters like these, which are

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2 Cfr. Furrow, 652; Friends of God, 73-93.

usually so debatable, the surer we are of being completely right, the more doubt-ful it is that we really are. Following this line of reasoning makes it easier to cor-rect oneself later on and if necessary to beg pardon, which is the best way of end-ing a quarrel. In this way peace and love are regained. I am not encouraging youto quarrel but it is understandable that we should fall out at times with those welove most, because they are the people we are always with. We are not going tofall out with someone in Timbuktoo! Thus small rows between husband andwife, if they are not frequent, (and they should see to it that they are not) are nota sign that love is missing and in fact they can help to increase it [...].

At times we take ourselves too seriously. All of us get angry now andagain. Sometimes because it is necessary; at other times because we lack a spiritof mortification. The important thing is to show, with a smile that restores familywarmth, that these outbursts of anger do not destroy affection.

In a word, the life of husband and wife should consist in loving oneanother and loving their children, because by doing this they love God3.

Following this idea, he has not only taught us to love our spouses with, orin spite of their failings, but to love these failings themselves, since they are thepaving stones on our road to heaven, which is filled with the daily challenge for the spouse to work on his or her failures and to put up with my mistakes andfailures, and for me vice versa.

In the education of our children apology is one of the miraculous means todeepen our friendship with our children (although it is not easy sometimes to admityour own bad manners at the family dinner table that have just been called to pub-lic attention by your own six year old daughter). At the time when we were focus-ing on table manners with our children, using a manner points list, our six year olddaughter Laura was particularly keen to detect any misbehavings in her parents.And she has kept that habit ever since, which has forced us to pay special attentionto our own posture and manners at meal times. In this context we also try to teachour children to take their daily mistakes to our heavenly Father during the night-time prayer. Every one of our children has his or her reserved time to ask for for-giveness during our evening prayer before going to bed, and we see how well theyreceive it if we as parents also include our failures of the day in these prayers.

Foremost for the development of friendship between ourselves and our chil-dren, we need to reserve time for them and to listen to our children. Blessed Jose-mara has taught us to always have an open ear for our children. If we do not devel-op the sensibility to listen to our children, even in the middle of the night or duringour precious time of reading the newspaper, we do not had our priorities in the

INFLUENCE ON MY LIFE AS A HUSBAND AND FATHER