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Sydney Sun

Kappa

4/13/08

Are You My Mother?

It started when I was four years old. My sister and I were lying on the bottom

bunk in our bright canary yellow room. We were reading The Lion King, fully illustrated

with color. My sister, being seven, read out loud the tale of Simba becoming the king of

Pride Rock. I just got over lamenting about Mufasa when my mother walked into the

room. She looked the same, hair pulled back, pajamas, and vest; the only thing that was

different was that she had a thin forest green book in her left hand. She lifted her right

hand and beaconed us over, we sat on the floor and I saw the title Are You My Mother?

by Dr. Seuss. My mother began reading the book to us. We just got to the part where

baby bird was asking the dog if it was his mother when my sister moved forward took the

book and threw it to the other side of the room. I was stunned; I had never seen my sister

get so emotional with a book. I looked at my mother who looked at my sister and I turned

and looked at her as well, her little face was red and she had tear brimmed eyes, she said,

“What kind of book is that! He needs a mommy…where is she…” She went to my mom,

who held my sister against her. My sister cried for the next 20 minutes. I didn’t know it

then but that incident became the catalyst for my emotional connection with literature or

human experiences like wars, deaths, tragedies, love, or marriage, to develop over the



years. I would become a person who lived as the main character of the book; a person

who could walk in every character’s shoes.

Since then, I’ve become an emotionally invested reader. The issue with that

characteristic is that whatever the character is facing I feel it. It was particularly horrible

when I was in middle school. My 7th grade English teacher gave us a book project. My

sister, who at the time was a fan of Anne Rice, told me that I should book project on The

Vampire Lestat. I went to Borders with my dad, to search for and purchase The Vampire

Lestat. I walked by the shelves with my father following me as if we were on a book

adventure and he was watching out for the back of the line by looking back at all the

shelves that we passed. I looked up and down the shelves in the literature section. I saw

the book, with the black cover and shadow on top of a red background. I was about to

turn away when I saw another book, A Density of Souls by Christopher Rice. I thought

the book was interesting; it was about 4 friends and their transition into high school. I

figured that I was going to high school soon and it had a interesting cover so I took it.

But, when I started reading I let my emotions get the better of me. Every time that

Stephen Conlin was getting picked on or couldn’t be who he was, I felt it. I would think

of things to say to bullies if I was in that position, or how I would feel if my lover died. I

was extremely emotionally involved. The problem was that it affected my attitude and my

personality. My life with literature in middle school continued on this way; emotionally.

As I got older I developed the skill of turning my emotional investment on and



off. Now when I read, I am absorbed and am open to feel what the character is going

through while I’m reading and for a little while afterward, but if I try I can turn that

feeling off. I realize now that I am especially thankful for my new ability because if I was

to be as emotional as I was in middle school there was no way I could have finished

reading Native Son. When I was reading the book, I did take notice to racism,

communism, poverty, and classism, but my main focus was on the

emotional/psychological development of Bigger Thomas. I put myself in his position and

how I would feel if I was in the car with Mary and Jan, or how panicked I would be if I

were killing, and how I would feel facing my mother at the end of everything. It was then

that I realized how far I had come with my reading ability.

I now apply this tactic to everything I read and study. It is also part of the reason

why I want to work in global affairs in the future, because I have an emotional investment

in people. When I study about genocides, war, revolutions, or anything else, I put myself

in those positions. I don’t know if it’s the healthiest thing to do, but it makes me feel

more grounded and in the topic. I have thought about my traits and literature critically

and how it affects my work. I have realized that a lot of my writing is based on emotion

and starting from the inside out. When I thought about Bigger Thomas I started with the

frustration that he had inside and where that led. It led to racism, low self-esteem,

pressure, religion, no opportunity to education, and internal strife. While I can be

analytical and critical I can also be very emotional and subjective. The combination of



the two is my thought process and my writing.

Over the years, as I look back I see exactly how far I’ve come, from the days of

Are You My Mother? to my attitude in middle school and my skills in high school. Most

recently I read The Road by Cormac McCarthy and it affects my life. I am still to this day

connected to the baby bird, that father in The Road, Lestat, and Stephen. When a

situation arises I think of what my life would be like if I was in a post apocalyptic world.

Being an emotionally invested reader has benefited me in ways that I can’t even imagine.

I wouldn’t be who I am with out my emotions, and it started my canary yellow room and

Dr. Seuss.

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