author: panzer, jaime, b title: student response to loss ...2 panzer, jaime b. student response to...
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Author: Panzer, Jaime, B
Title: Student Response to Loss and Grief: Information for School Counselors
The accompanying research report is submitted to the University of Wisconsin-Stout, Graduate School
in partial completion of the requirements for the
Graduate Degree/ Major: MS School Counseling
Research Adviser: Carol Johnson, Ph.D.
Submission Term/Year: Summer, 2012
Number of Pages: 29
Style Manual Used: American Psychological Association, 6th
edition
I understand that this research report must be officially approved by the Graduate
School and that an electronic copy of the approved version will be made available through
the University Library website
I attest that the research report is my original work (that any copyrightable materials
have been used with the permission of the original authors), and as such, it is automatically
protected by the laws, rules, and regulations of the U.S. Copyright Office.
STUDENT’S NAME: Jaime Panzer DATE: 7/11/2012
ADVISER’S NAME: Carol L. Johnson, Ph.D. DATE: 7/11/2012
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----
This section to be completed by the Graduate School This final research report has been approved by the Graduate School.
___________________________________________________ ___________________________
(Director, Office of Graduate Studies) (Date)
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Panzer, Jaime B. Student Response to Loss and Grief: Information for School
Counselors
Abstract
Before the age eighteen, it is estimated that 3% or 2 million children in the United
States will experience a death of a parent, and that number increased when other
tragedies including other deaths that may include the passing of grandparents, relatives,
siblings, classmates and pets. Identifying students who are facing loss can be hard when
they do not approach adults with the information, and some signs and symptoms may
look like other issues.
When school counselors are not able to meet with every student on a regular basis,
they must rely on accounts or observations made by parents, classmates, or other
personnel at school. Without proper training many school personnel may not know what
to look for in students who may be experiencing grief. It is important that school
counselors and others are able to identify these students, so they can get help. With early
intervention students may be able to recover and not have long term social and emotional
affects. Finding an outlet where grieving children can express their feelings through art,
writing, sports, journaling or music are often helpful for them. In addition counselors may
wish to consider individual counseling or a peer support groups to help students through
the process too. This is a collaborate process that will involve both teachers, guardians,
and the school counselor.
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Acknowledgments
I would like to first acknowledge my parents, David and Diane Panzer for
all the love and support they have given me for whatever I pursued. Through my
difficulties with grief and loss, they were there keeping me focused and making
sure I was not taking on more than I could handle. I would especially like to
thank my mother for taking off of work to help me get back on my feet after my
accident. Without them I do not know where I would be today.
I would like to acknowledge my professors Dr. Carol Johnson, Dr. Barb Flom,
and Dr. Denise Brouillard, at the University of Wisconsin-Stout for all their knowledge
and guidance through my graduate program. Their passion for the subject material made
me confident that school counseling was the right fit for me. They gave me the tools and
knowledge to get to where I am today and prepared me for my future. I also couldn’t ask
for three better professors when I was going through such a difficult time in my life. They
kept me motivated to keep going in the program and supported the decisions I made.
I would like to acknowledge my friends Karlie Hurlbert, Amy Rentschler, and
Molly Mitzelfeldt who survived the car accident with me. They gave me the support that
I needed to get through such a challenging time in my life. It was their ability to
overcome struggles that enabled me to survive such a traumatic experience. They
encouraged me to keep pursuing what I love in life when I did not have the motivation to
do anything.
Finally, I would like to acknowledge my late friend Theresa Kroes who shared her
passion for teaching music to the world and was taken from us too soon.
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It was due to her sudden loss that motivated me to pursue my thesis topic. She has taught
me so much about life including how little things like what you wear or how much
money you have, is not going to really matter in the end. She was such a caring person
and she would do anything to help others. She has inspired me to do the same with my
life. I love her and miss her everyday.
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Table of Contents
.................................................................................................................................................... Page
Abstract ............................................................................................................................................2
Chapter I: Introduction ....................................................................................................................6
Statement of the Problem .......................................................................................................8
Purpose of the Study ..............................................................................................................8
Assumptions and Limitations of the Study ............................................................................9
Definition of Terms................................................................................................................9
Chapter II: Literature Review ........................................................................................................11
Introduction ..........................................................................................................................11
What Grieving Looks Like in Children and Adolescents ....................................................11
Anticipatory Grief ................................................................................................................15
Coping with Grief ................................................................................................................16
Helping a Grieving Child .....................................................................................................19
Online Bereavement Options ...............................................................................................21
Chapter III: Summary, Discussion and Recommendations ...........................................................24
Summary ...........................................................................................................................24
Discussion ..........................................................................................................................26
Recommendations for Research ........................................................................................27
References ......................................................................................................................................29
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Chapter I: Introduction
A school counselor helps not just an individual student but also has the
opportunity to work with the entire school population. It is a sad fact that many students
will experience the passing of a loved one at some point during their time in school.
Whether it is the death of parent, grandparent, pet, or friend, students will likely grieve
the loss of a loved one.
Before the age eighteen, it is estimated that three percent or 2 million children in
the United States will experience a death of a parent and that number increases when
including other deaths that may include the passing of grandparents, relatives, siblings,
classmates and pets (Goodman, 2011). Throughout the years spent in school there is a
high probability that a child will be affected by loss directly or indirectly sometime in
their school career, so what can school counselors do to help?
As death is so prevalent in our communities sometimes adults forget what it first
felt like as a child to experience a loss. In a school with a varied student population,
death may include a loss of family member, critical illness or cancer of a close friend,
family member on multiple deployments, suicide of a friend, or an accident victim. It is a
challenge for parents, teachers and school counselors to know what to do for each unique
situation.
People react to death in different ways. Where some students might be willing to
openly talk about it, others may keep their feelings to themselves. It is those students
who hide their grief that might need the most help, yet if the adults at school are not
aware of what is going on in the life of the child, they may misinterpret a student’s
behavior when the student was just acting out in responding to grief. It is important for
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the parents to communicate grief and loss experience with the school so they can support
the child too when outside the home environment.
Everyone will deal with loss and grieving in different ways due to the differences
in personality and the circumstances of the loss. Some people may have an advantage or
disadvantage due to their coping strategies with the way they deal with death. The way
children cope with death is affected by several factors that may include their ability to
understand the situation, their desire to protect those who survived, and their feelings
regarding changes in the home including new roles and expectations. Other factors such
as the relationship one had with the person and how the death occurred may also
influence the grieving process (Neimeyer, 2001).
Identifying students who are facing loss can be hard when they do not approach
adults with the information, and some signs and symptoms may look like other issues.
When school counselors are not able to meet with every student on a regular basis, they
must rely on accounts or observations made by parents, classmates, or other personnel at
school. Without proper training many school personnel may not know what to look for in
students who may be experiencing grief.
When the majority of the students will face the loss of a loved one sometime in
their school career, it becomes increasingly important to identify these individuals.
Students who are grieving the loss of a loved one might not feel comfortable talking with
their classmates, yet the teacher or school counselor can work with them at their level and
help them feel comfortable identifying their feelings and sharing in the grief. Again
identification of these students might be largely due to the help of others either in or out
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of school. Once they do identify those students who are experiencing loss and grief, what
types of coping strategies and options are available to help them?
Statement of the Problem
The loss of a loved one is something that majority or students will experience at
some point in their school career. Although many students will face loss, many
individuals will try to go through the experience on their own, and therefore may not get
the help that they need. Some students go unidentified because the individual either does
not tell anyone or wants to hide it from the adults at school. Those individuals who have
experienced loss will often show negative affects in the school setting, and that is why it
is important to identify these individuals before the problems become worse. Therefore,
the problem becomes how do school counselors identify students who are having trouble
due to loss and grief, and what strategies school counselors can use that are
developmentally appropriate to help?
Purpose of the Study
The purpose of this literature review is to identify signs and symptoms of those
students who are experiencing loss so that school counselors are able to find strategies
that are available to better help those individuals. Compiling the information may help
those in the field explore the topic with more ease. Once the child is identified as
needing help, the goal is to see what school counselors can do to help them. Finding
resources or programs that are available for school counselors is a potential outcome of
the literature review. It is important that school counselors and others are able to identify
these students, so they can get help early on. With early intervention those students may
be able to recover and not have long term affects.
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Research Questions
The following research questions will be addressed while reviewing the literature
pertaining to signs and symptoms grief and what school counselors can do to help.
1. What are the signs and symptoms of those who are experiencing grief?
2. What counseling strategies are available to help grieving students?
3. How are students using technology to help with the grieving process?
Assumptions and Limitations of the Study
It is assumed that schools struggle to identify some students that have experienced
grief and loss. Another assumption is that students who have experienced loss would
access community agencies and may not need help from counselors. Due to the time
restraints, the amount of research that is included in this literature review is limited to
items published before summer of 2012. Another limitation is that the research
conducted was only for school-aged children and thus may not be applicable to children
under five years of age or adults.
Definition of Terms
Listed below are terms that are defined to assist the reader in understanding and finding
application throughout the literature review.
Trauma. A situation or an event that has a negative impact on an individual and
may have a long lasting affect to their psychological development that includes but is not
limited to: accidents, loss, abuse, drugs and alcohol, etc.
Loss. The death of a loved one whether it is family, friends, pets or other
significant people in their life.
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Grief. The stages of sadness and recovery a person goes through after
experiencing a death of a loved one that are different for everyone.
Anticipatory Grief. Grief that is experienced before the death of a loved one that
involves the feelings, thoughts and physical sensations that happen when you know
someone is going to die or fear that some may die.
Terminal Illness. An incurable disease or a disease that cannot be treated that
will result in death of an individual in a relatively short period of time.
High Risk jobs. Jobs that have a greater risk of harm to the person such as
military, law enforcement, or fire-fighting.
Task oriented coping. An individual who copes with life stresses by being
solution focused.
Emotion oriented coping. An individual who copes with life stresses by using
their emotions and may seek out help from others.
Bereavement Internet Forums. Message boards that are on support-oriented
websites where discussions can take place about loss of a loved one and takes the format
messages and then responses.
Facebook Wall. An area on a Facebook user’s profile where an individual can
write posts or share information about themselves or others
Risky Behavior. Behavior a student exhibits that may include but is not limited to
eating disorders, early sexual initiation, drug and alcohol abuse, and violent behavior.
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Chapter II: Literature Review
Introduction
Grieving is one thing that many students experience. Gurwitch and Schonfeld
(2011) approximate that 90 percent of students will lose someone they care about by the
time they graduate high school (p 11). Not only are children faced with the loss of a
loved one but they also might be facing trauma related to death, or from other factors that
may include a parents’ divorce, domestic violence, children maltreatment, parental
substance abuse and accidents (Gurwitch and Schonfeld, 2011). Gurwitch and Schonfeld
(2011) further suggest that after trauma or loss a student may struggle at school
exhibiting traits including academic grade declining as the individual tries to regain a
sense of control in their life (p 11). Identification of these individuals who are grieving is
critical to helping them find ways to cope with their loss.
What Grieving Looks Like in Children and Adolescents
Children who are experiencing grief may express it in four avenues: behavior,
emotions, physical reactions, and thoughts (Goodman, 2011). The four avenues will
differ depending on the age of the child or adolescent due to their point in development.
According to Goodman (2011) the way children and adolescents deal with the death is
affected by a variety of factors including their ability to understand the situation, their
desire to protect those who are living, and their reactions to changes in the home life
including their change in roles and expectations. Children and adolescents are also
affected when they encounter feelings of being different, alone, and isolated. When they
have a sense of injustice, or worry about others’ physical and emotional well-being, or
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thoughts about the future and who will take care of them, these can all have an affect on
how a child or adolescent will deal with the affects of a loss (Goodman, 2011).
For children from the age of six to nine years old, they are able to understand that
death is final but their beliefs of what cause the death are usually skewed. The child
might think that that they caused the death or that it is a form of punishment. They might
think about the milestones that the person will miss or worry about who will take care of
them. Some behaviors that the child might display at this age are acting like the death
never happened, concentration difficulties, declining or greatly improved grades in
school, aggressively acting out or being withdrawn (Lyles, 2006). Goodman (2011) also
states that the child may display school problems such as avoidance, lack of
concentration, and academic difficulty. Many of these can be seen in the school setting
and it is very dependent on how each individual child is going through the process.
Lyles (2006) suggests that when working with this age group to allow the child to
regress, to answer questions truthfully, and allow them time to express their feelings both
verbally and physically through appropriate outlets. She also suggests allowing the child
to use outlets like drawing, reading, playing, or dance to work through the death of a
loved one and to try and find a way for the child to be involved with the death and
mourning process. Specifically at the school, helping these children might also include
adjusting their workload for awhile and making sure they have peer support (Lyles,
2006).
For children ages nine to twelve, the concepts and beliefs behind death will be a
little different due to where they are in emotional development. Common themes with
children aged six to nine, are that they might think that there thoughts or actions caused
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the death, they will think about the milestones that the deceased will not experience, and
they understand that death is final. The nine to twelve age group will differ from the
younger ages in the fact that they might experience denial about the loss, they are aware
that death may happen again, and they might start formulating their own spiritual
concepts (Lyles, 2006). They will have more difficulties with emotions than the younger
age group including feelings of shock and abandonment. The behavior they might
express is similar to the other age group, where they might have changes in grades at
school, difficulties concentrating, aggressively acting out, and might withdrawal or hide
their feelings. If not aware of the child’s or adolescent’s situation, these symptoms could
be mistaken as a student that is acting out.
In order to help these individuals, one must expect and accept that they will have
mood swings and be there for them by supporting and listening to them. Finding an
outlet where they can express their feelings through art, writing, sports, journaling or
music are helpful to them. Also finding or making sure they have a peer support groups
to help them through the process will be helpful (Lyles, 2006). This is a collaborate
process that will involve both teachers, guardians, and the school counselor.
For ages twelve and up, many of the core concepts are same as the younger age
groups, but they do have added concerns. According to Lyles (2006) they may have
feelings of their own impending death and may utilize their own spiritual beliefs to cope.
As the age of the individual goes up, they are looking for more guidance and answers.
Unlike the other ages, they may feel that showing their feelings is a sign of weakness and
feel they must have control over them in front of others. Their behavior like the other age
groups may include difficulties concentrating, changes in grades, regressive behavior,
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mood swings, withdrawal from people and activities and acting out aggressively. Where
they differ from the other age groups is that they might have changes in their peer groups
or their sleeping or eating habits. They might also engage in risky-behavior, and be
impulsive which may contribute to an increase in fighting, screaming, and arguing.
Many of the feelings are similar to the younger children, but they might need more
support and understanding when they are figuring out what to do with the feelings.
Like the younger counterparts, much of the strategies in helping them are the
same although Lyles (2006) does offer additional strategies for this age group that
include supporting relationships with an understanding adult and allowing them to have
sad feelings unless one believes those feelings have risk of harm. Having a supportive
relationship with an adult may help them from engaging in risky-behavior and so it is
important to be observant for any signs that they may be going down that road (Lyles,
2006). The caring adult should be anyone they feel comfortable with, forcing a
relationship will not be productive but may cause them to withdrawal more.
Depending on the emotional age and maturity of the adolescents, students
experience the death of a loved one in similar yet different ways. Younger children need
love and attention to help them get through the process with means of distraction from
the tragedy. Older children and adolescents who understand the process might face
greater difficulties due to the knowledge they have. They may struggle with it more and
thus act out in more ways. A consideration that is important at any age level is to have
someone they can talk to while going through the process whether it is a friend, teacher,
parent, or school counselor.
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Anticipatory Grief
Not only may adolescents experience symptoms of grief after the loss of a loved
one but they may also experience it before. The grieving process can begin even before
the death and is known as anticipatory grief. Children may experience anticipatory grief
in different situations which may include: if the person is in a high-risk job, serving in the
military or is suffering from a terminal illness. In order to help kids through this process,
it starts with being aware of their situation and being careful not to let one’s own fears
and words influence them.
Lyles (2006) has several suggestions on how to help these children; reassuring the
child that there will always be someone to take care of them and encouraging the child to
talk about it are some supportive ways to help the child. Another suggestion when
working with children with anticipating grief is not make promises that cannot be kept;
especially regarding return from deployment in the military. Don’t promise or guarantee
children that parents will return safely or tell them an exact date when they will be back
because return dates may have unexpected delays. When talking with the child, ask them
what they are hearing from others, be honest about how you feel, and make sure they
have plenty of support from family and friends. Open communication is going to be very
important to have with the child, so they understand what is going on, and have time to
embrace feelings.
For children who have family in a high risk job, Lyles (2006) suggests creating a
“Worry Doll” where the child tells the doll the worries, so the doll can hold the worries
and not the child. Another possible activity is creating a memory box when the parent is
away, and when they return, the child can share the box with the person. Having the
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child be a part of the process is important, so they know what is going on and feel
included in what is happening around them. For children who have a loved one that is
terminally ill, it is important to explain to the child in age-appropriate words what is
going on and to have them participate in the care that is meaningful to them (Lyles,
2006).
As a school counselor, some of these things can be done at the school, but it
would be important to have communication with the care-giver to see what they are
currently doing too. With anticipatory grief it may not just be the child experiencing
these symptoms but also the caregiver and they may want the experience to be more
confined to the family. Helping the child may require offering these suggestions to the
parent or caregiver.
Coping with Grief
Everyone will deal with loss and grieving in different ways due to the differences
in personality and the circumstances of the loss. Some people may have an advantage or
disadvantage due to their coping strategies with the way they deal with death. Other
factors such as the relationship one had with the person and how the death occurred may
also influence the grieving process (Neimeyer, 2001).
Neimeyer (2001) discusses how “personality factors such as low self-esteem,
dependency, or a tendency toward inhibiting or suppressing strong emotions have been
linked to a poorer outcome when a loved one dies” (p 317). Parkes (1986) identified a
specific personality that might have a particularly hard time dealing with loss and coined
it “grief prone.” This type of personality involves a reaction based on previous losses,
higher levels of anger, an inability to express emotion, and high anxiety (Neimeyer,
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2001). An individual with this type of personality tends to not handle death well because
they might have a hard time regulating their emotions. Not only are individuals affected
by their personality but also their coping style.
Children’s coping mechanisms might have worked in previous trauma, but in the
case of loss, new coping skills might be needed. In the past the individual might have
used task-oriented coping or emotion-oriented coping. An individual with a task-oriented
coping style might have a problem focused outlook and might try to find solutions to
their problems. Experiencing a loss some children may overcompensate by staying busy,
working hard and avoiding dealing with feelings. Often, the things they would like to
change are out of their control. They cannot make the person come back and this may be
something they have a hard time dealing with.
An individual with an emotion-oriented coping strategy might seek out support
from others. Reaching out to the right people for support is the challenge, yet this is
something that might help the individual. It could also lead to more hurt feelings if those
whom they seek out are not available to give them what they want or need. Neimeyer
(2001) states that these past strategies might not work and being open to other coping
mechanisms may give the person a better outcome in the grief process.
The relationship the individual had with the deceased person is another factor that
will affect how one deals with grief. The reaction of the death of an aged parent is going
to be different than someone experiencing the death of a child (Rando, 1986; Sanders,
1980 as cited in Neimeyer, 2001). The type of relationship between the two people is
also very important and will affect the response to loss; whether the relationship is full of
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conflict, ambivalence or dependency, the higher the intensity of these factors the higher
chance of complicated grief reactions (Neimeyer, 2001).
How the death occurred and how many occurred at once are also factors that will
influence the individuals healing process. Whether the death is anticipated, natural or
sudden due to things like suicide or homicide, the individual may have trouble with the
degree of preventability (Neimeyer, 2001). This is especially common in survivors of
suicide who have feeling of guilt as they may believe that they could have prevented it or
that they should have known about the individual’s troubles (Neimeyer, 2001). Whether
the person was a witness to or a part of the loss may also influence the process and may
even cause trauma in the individual making the process even greater to go through.
Those who experience multiple deaths often have trouble with how to deal with
so many losses. Should they deal with one and move to the next, or all simultaneously?
This is something that the individual may have difficulty with and may feel guilty by not
being able to grieve each individual. Those who are dealing with more than one death
often face it with fewer sources of strength and support, making grieving sometimes more
difficult (Neimeyer, 2001). Counselors need to know the extent of the grief and loss by
knowing details of the passing of the individual(s).
All the previous factors will contribute to how long the individual takes to get
through the grief process. According to Neimeyer (2001) the process is longer than
previously believed and can take anywhere from 3-6 months to initially grieve. After this
period of grieving, many of those who were in that supporting position for the individual
break away because they think that it is not necessary anymore, or that bringing up the
death will just further upset the individual. It is not uncommon for the individual
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experiencing grief might feel abandoned or not having an adequate support (Neimeyer,
2001). Support and understanding are important for these individuals and one should not
rush them through this difficult time in their life. Loss may take years to recover and
remembering the anniversaries of the passing of a loved one is one way to acknowledge
the feelings of the grieving child.
Helping a Grieving Child
Goodman (2011) states that children and adolescents are 10-15% more at risk for
problems such as depression during the first year after the loss, making it very important
to help the child early on. If the child is still experiencing symptoms of a complicated
grief after two years, then caregivers may need the assistance of a mental health provider
to help with the process (Goodman, 2011).
Goodman (2011) identified possible suggestions and strategies that adults can do to
help with the grieving process. The main thing is to be open and honest with the child
and using language that they understand but that is accurate and comforting. Using terms
such as “he is sleeping” or “he passed on” are vague and may end up confusing the child.
Modeling appropriate responses and emotions to death, so the child knows what is
appropriate in grieving is also important. Also allowing the child or adolescent to ask
questions about what everything means can help ease a loss.
In the school it is suggested that the parents work alongside teachers and school
counselors to help them succeed in the schools. This may mean giving them longer time
on assignments or more time out of class to explore and discuss feelings with the loss. It
is important for school personnel to know and understand the rituals and cultural beliefs
of the family surrounding the death of the loved one in order to better help the student. In
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order to help the child or adolescent they need to be included and understand what is
going on. The school can help in the process if the family is open to working together in
the best interest of the child.
Since it is rare for students to go through their entire school career without
experiencing some sort of loss whether it is relatives, pets, friends, or acquaintances
Tillman and Rust (2011) suggest a ten-stage program for running a grief and loss group
in school. The beginning stage of developing a group is to select students that would be
emotionally ready for a group and that do not have complicated trauma histories. They
suggest selecting students that are in the same age range and will be cooperative in a
group setting, and should have somewhere between six to ten members.
For the first stage it is important to establish safety by creating rules for the groups.
It is suggested having the members of the group help create the rules so they feel safe.
Getting to know each other is the second step in a grief group, and it facilitates a greater
success if everyone knows one another and is comfortable communicating in front each
other. The third step in running a grief group includes sharing unique stories about the
member’s experience with death. Allow them as much time as they need and it can
include items such as how they had died, how they felt, how they are feeling now, what
they miss about the loved one and how life has changed since. The fourth step is
focusing on positive memories that they had experienced with the deceased and sharing
those through stories or pictures. The fifth step is identifying and expressing emotions
that they are having about the loved one that had passed. It is important to work through
their emotions and assure them that they are normal parts of grief. The sixth step is
developing and strengthening coping skills.
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One example is having them come up with a list of positive coping strategies and
then having them write the ones they like on index cards. They would then place these
index cards in a box that they decorate with positive messages, things that make them
happy and memories of the deceased that they could go to and look at when they need
ideas to cope. The seventh stage is increasing positive support and encouraging them to
share their feelings and to support one another in the process. The eighth stage is to
remember the loved ones. One common fear is that they will lose the memories they
have of their loved one; encourage them to share the memories they have and to seek out
others who also have memories of that person. The ninth stage is planning a goodbye
ceremony allowing them to say goodbye in their own unique way to their loved one. The
final stage is ending the group and making sure the members understand what that means
and making referrals as needed if members need additional support (Tillman and Rust,
2011). Groups can be a positive addition to helping the child through the grieving
process; with the right group and activities it can make the process a smoother transition.
Online Bereavement Options
With the popularity of social media sites and other options on the World Wide
Web, communication and support have changed to include such items as online postings
of condolences, favorable memories, and thoughts or prayers for the grieving individual.
Some funeral homes create a web page for the deceased to honor their memory (Stroebe,
Van der Houwen, & Schut, 2008). With technology so prevalent in the lives of
adolescents and children, it may be something they turn to during the grieving process
too. According to Stroebe, Van der Houwen, & Schut (2008) there are all types of
websites available for bereavement an individual is experiencing, some are general like
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www.beyondindigo.com or there are specific websites like www.merrywidow.me.uk
which focuses on loss of a spouse. Many of these sites were created by people who have
experienced a loss themselves and are generally run by volunteers. Other online options
include internet forums, email groups, chat rooms and online memorial website.
Internet forums offer the bereaved person a venue to express how they feel and
allow others to respond and support that individual. To participate in such a forum,
registration is typically needed and is usually free of charge. Support on these message
boards is by peers and not by professionals but some are monitored by skilled moderators
and will respond to or delete potentially harmful statements.
E-mail groups offer support and communicate through email. One responds to
the group as a whole or some have the option of responding to people individually.
Email groups are usually monitored by a professional and many are free of charge.
Groups are generally loss-specific so that participants are similar in some way. Examples
of categories are loss of partner or spouse, young-widow, military family member or loss
of a child.
Chat rooms offer a support in real time with whoever is online at the time or times
can be arranged to meet ahead of time; they offer a message and response format and
some are even moderated. Many of the resources available online, so the individual has
to register to participate. Teens may prefer the use of technology to share their feelings
of loss with others.
Online memorial websites are a place where people can honor the deceased by
putting up pictures or stories about or to the lost loved one. Some of the online options
charge a fee to participate in the websites. There are different types of options available.
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One option www.empty-cradles.com/index.html allows the individual to write a letter to
heaven and another site offers participants to select a small star to represent the deceased
child. There are a variety of options available to fit the support needs of the individual.
Although the above listed websites options are more specific to the adult
population, there are ways to tailor these options for adolescents. The most important
factor in online options for adolescents is monitoring by an adult. With the
popularization of social media website Facebook, many adolescents are members, and it
could offer them a place for online memorials.
After the loss of a friend or family member who was a part of Facebook, their page
is still up unless deleted by others. Individuals can put up pictures of the deceased or
write on the Facebook wall to the deceased person or about a memory they shared with
the deceased. It also remains a line of communication in case an event should arise in
that person’s honor. Not only that but they may receive support through their own page
with people offering their condolences. Whether it is through the internet or their phone,
it is important to allow the child or adolescent the opportunity to communicate through
this avenue if it is something they are used to.
Counselors need to be aware of many options that help support different needs of
individual students. Whether it is individual counseling, supportive groups or use of
technology, all students may benefit from a caring adult knowing about the loss and grief
experienced by the adolescent. Communication and good listening will enable a
counselor to keep in contact with families and students in order to advocate for all
students.
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Chapter III: Summary, Discussion and Recommendations
Summary
Chapter III includes highlights from some of the key findings in the literature
review pertaining to symptoms of grieving children and the strategies that aid in the
process of healing. A discussion follows offering suggestion for school counselors and
parents to consider for helping your child or adolescent through the grieving process.
The chapter will conclude with recommendations for future research on the topic.
Loss is something that everyone will have to experience in their lives and often
multiple times. While in school, students are likely to encounter a death at some point in
their academic career whether it is the loss of a parent, grandparent, teacher, friend or
even pet. For many it might be their first time encountering such an emotional
experience. They might have to learn what death means and what the experience entails.
Whatever the case may be the experience of loss in an individuals life can have a great
impact on the mental and physical health of those who survived.
Children and adolescents can show a variety of behaviors in the school setting.
They may develop problems in four areas: behavior, emotions, physical reactions, and
thoughts. The way an individual reacts to loss will depend on a variety of factors and one
factor is their age and where they are in their developmental stage. The younger the child
(age 6 to 9 years old) will most likely have a difficult time grasping the concept of death
and may think that they caused the death. As the child gets older (9 to 12 years old) there
is a better understanding of the process of death and loss but they also might have denial
of the loss, and know it can happen again. Those older than 12 years may still experience
much of what the younger children will, but they have a better understanding of death
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and start using their own spiritual beliefs to grasp what is going on. All ages may
experience an increase or decrease in academic grades and classroom performance.
Acting out is something that is also very common depending on the age and maturity of
the child. Many of the behaviors that teachers might see can look like something else, so
it is important to realize what is going on in the life of the child.
Although these behaviors are some of the common themes one might see, some
children and adolescents might have a more difficult time. “Grief prone” is a personality
type indicating the child may not handle loss as easily. It involves intense reactions to
previous losses, higher levels of anger, an inability to express emotion, and high anxiety.
Not only does personality influence the coping style of the person, their coping
mechanism might have worked previously but in a new situation it may not. Other
considerations that influence a child or adolescent who is grief prone is how they handle
multiple deaths, the relationship with the deceased, and how many multiple deaths were
involved.
In order to help these children and adolescent get past such a difficult time in their
lives, it will take support from as many resources as they can get. The length in which
one grieves is longer than some may previously have thought, and it is important to give
the individual support for as long as they need it. Whether support comes from home or
in the school, it is important to be open and honest with the child or adolescent and give
them time to talk and ask questions. The child is going to look to the adults in their life
to see how to handle these situations, so it becomes important to model appropriate ways
to mourn and grieve. Providing distractions and activities for the child or adolescent is
something that may help them through the process as well as activities that keep them
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included in the process. In the school, teachers and other staff can help by lessening the
student’s workload and by providing a place to go where they can talk. A school
counselor can offer them the time to talk individually or in a group to aid in the healing
process. In a technology age, children or adolescents may be seeking out options to talk
to other or memorialize others online. There are options available just as long as adults
are monitoring online use.
Discussion
Death is a topic of interest and that has been studied in great lengths due to its
prevalence for everyone in society. The impact grief and loss has on children is
something that needs to be addressed not only for the parents of the child but those who
will be working with the child as well.
During school, teachers and staff will have daily contact with students making it
important for teachers and staff to know what is going on in the student’s life. Knowing
about life-changing events that each student is facing can have a great impact. When the
information is not available for teachers and counselors, it may leave them wondering
what is going on. It is very important to know if something is wrong with a child when
they display behavior that is out of the ordinary.
Not only will children and adolescents be faced with sudden deaths but also some
might be preparing for an anticipatory death. Whether it is the military, terminal illness,
or a high-risk job, preparing these students is something that the adults will need to be
doing. School counselors may be the ones in charge at the school helping these students
through the process and preparing them. Knowledge of such events is always utmost
important and thus communication between the school and parents also becomes very
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important. Knowing how to help these students in a way that works with the parent and
the student is something that takes time. Working with the parents will make the process
an easier one and consistent for the child or adolescent.
In the age of technology, students are communicating less in person and more
through some sort of media whether it is Facebook or other online resources. Knowing
how to use technology is important and counselors need to know how one incorporates
that in the healing process. It becomes a difficult task in the school setting as some
schools allow media use, and others do not. Many use the online resources to
memorialize the deceased or write messages on their Facebook wall to help them cope
with loss. Many of the technology resources available online are not made for the young,
and some may not be appropriate for them to use without the help of a parent.
School counselors have many tools to help these children and adolescents through
the process, but help can only happen if there is knowledge of a problem and willingness
of the student and parent to be involved. Once the student who is grieving is identified,
they can be helped when the school counselor uses a variety of tools and strategies to
assist the grieving process.
Recommendation for Future Research
With death prevalent in the life of all individuals at some point in their life, it is
important to further research in the topic in how to address and aid in the process of
healing. An area that seems to be lacking in the field is how technology has influenced
the healing process in youth. Have there been in trends in children and adolescents using
the internet and other media devises to aid in the grieving process?
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Another area for further research is investigating how culture influences in the
grieving process and how to address it in the school setting. Everyone embraces death in
different ways and thus there needs to be more research on the different ways in which
school personnel can help those from a variety of backgrounds.
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References
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Retrieved from: www.acestudy.org
Goodman, R. F. (2011). Children and grief: What they know, how they feel, how to help.
NYU Child Study Center. Retrieved from: www.education.com/reference/
article/Ref_Children_Grief_What/
Gurwitch, R. H., & Schonfeld, D. J. (2011). Support traumatized students. ASCA School
Counselor, 49(1), 10-13.
Lyles, M. M. (2006). Children’s Grief Education Association. Retrieved from:
www.childgrief.org
Morrow, A. (2010). The needs of grieving children. Retrieved from:
http:///www.dying.about.com/od/thegrievingprocess/a/childrens_grief.htm
Neimeyer, R. A. (2001). Meaning reconstruction & the experience of loss. Washington,
DC: American Psychological Association.
Parkes, C. M. (1986). Bereavement: Studies of grief in adult life (2nd ed.) New York:
Tavistock.
Stroebe, M. S., Hansson, R. O., Schut, H., & Stroebe, W. (2008). Handbook of
bereavement research and practice: Advances in theory and intervention.
Washington, DC: American Psychological Association.
Studer, J. R. (2011). Youth in crisis. ASCA School Counselor, 49(1), 25-27.
Tillman, K. S., & Rust, J. P. (2011). Kids supporting kids. ASCA School-Counselor,
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