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BALLAST YOUR SHIP STATION

Stabilizing Your Marriage through Prayer

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How to work through this kit… Read through each page in this kit aloud. Each section will have its own

instructions for you to follow. Move from one section to another and feel

confident in being able to take what you have worked through home with you.

Step One: Heart Check

A time for you to pray and invite God into these conversations before you dive in.

Step Two: Prayer According to Scripture

Spend time looking up scripture together that talks about why we pray and what

we should pray for.

Step Three: Ways to Pray

Consider different ways you can start bringing prayer into your daily life.

Step Four: Pray with Your Spouse

Take time to start the habit of sharing prayer requests with each other and then

spend some time in prayer for one another.

Step Five: Praying for Your Spouse (Take Home)

This is a take home resource. Two separate his and hers lists for praying for your

spouse using scripture. Also included: bookmark versions of these lists.

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Step One: Heart Check Spiritual intimacy is the glue that holds everything together. Couples who pray together often feel closer in other ways too. In this kit you will be looking at Scripture’s instructions on prayer, and you will also be going through some practical ways to get started (or re-started) in praying more in your marriage. Before you dig in though, let’s start with praying for this time. Let’s pray to pray. Here is a prayer that you can pray to get you started:

Dear Lord,

Thank you for this time together. Thank you for the opportunity to learn about the importance of prayer in our marriage. We lift up our marriage right now and all that is in store for us during this time. Guide us and show us areas of our prayer life that need improvement. Help us to have a new thirst for You, a stronger desire to speak to You and to speak with You often. Thank you for the gift of prayer, that You’ve given it to us as a means of connecting with You more deeply and intimately.

In Jesus name, Amen.

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Step Two: Prayer According to Scripture

You may be wondering what the Bible says about prayer. In fact, you may be wondering why

you should even be praying at all. The Scripture has much to say about prayer, and in this

section we will just take a brief look at a few passages.

Take turns or one spouse read these scriptures aloud. Then talk through the questions on the

next page. We’ve provided the texts below, but we suggest looking them up together in your

Bible and reading them from your version.

Why should we pray?

We pray because God commands us to. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything

by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the

peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in

Christ Jesus” (Phil. 4:6-7).

We pray because we can confidently believe that God listens and longs to hear from us. “Since

then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God,

let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize

with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without

sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy

and find grace to help in time of need” (Heb. 4:14-16).

We pray because it brings comfort during troubling times. “I waited patiently for the LORD; he

inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry

bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. He put a new song in my mouth, a

song of praise to our God” (Ps. 40:1-3).

What should we pray for?

We pray that God instruct us according to his ways. “Make me to know your ways, O LORD;

teach me your paths. Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation;

for you I wait all the day long” (Ps. 25:4-5).

We pray that the Gospel be clearly proclaimed in the world. “At the same time, pray also for us,

that God may open to us a door for the word, to declare the mystery of Christ, on account of

which I am in prison—that I may make it clear, which is how I ought to speak” (Col. 4:3-4).

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Discuss the following… Which of the bible verses stood out to you the most? Why? What is something that you

took away from that verse?

Why do you think it’s so hard to pray together as husband and wife? What are some of the

things that personally get in your way when you consider praying with your spouse?

When you think about including more prayer in your home, why is it important to you?

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Step Three: Ways to Pray

Praying as a couple can be challenging. Many of us aren’t comfortable praying out loud, and so

we’re not sure how to bring prayer into our marriage or our home. Prayer can be intimidating

because it’s vulnerable. You’re bearing your soul before God, but you’re also bearing it before

your spouse when you pray together. That’s what can make it awkward. There can’t really be

pretentions. But that’s also what makes it intimate!

In order for it to start to feel more comfortable, you have to start somewhere, so here are some

ideas to help you make prayer a bigger part of your relationship. Read through these different

ideas and then answer the questions in the discussion section immediately following.

Pray Over Your Children’s Beds Maybe you can bend over the baby’s crib at night and say a prayer for the baby, or

stand over the older children’s beds once they’re asleep and before you go to bed. Just

say to your spouse, “I’d like it if we prayed quickly for our kids at night. Will you come do

that with me?”

Pray As You Part in the Morning Here’s another idea: ask your spouse before you leave in the morning, “Can I pray for

your day today?” And go to the door with them, take their hands, and just pray a really

quick prayer for their day at work. It doesn’t need to be a big thing.

Read Prayers What about reading a longer prayer after the dinner hour together? Again, if people are

uncomfortable praying out loud, or aren’t used to it, reading a prayer can be freeing.

Some prayers you might consider reading:

a. From the Bible:

The Lord’s Prayer (Matthew 6:9-13)

One of the Psalms

Philippians 1:9-11

Psalm 51:1-8

b. From another prayer resource:

Little Book of Powerful Prayers by Stormie Omartian

Anglican Book of Common Prayer

Celtic Benediction by J. Phillip Newell

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Prayer for a Need Right Then When a need arises and it feels like a good time to pray, then just offer to pray right

then and there. If your spouse is sharing a concern, just ask, “can I pray for you?” and

put your hand on their shoulder and pray a quick but heartfelt prayer for God to

intervene. If you get in the habit of doing it right then and there, then it becomes a

more regular part of your day and a more regular part of your routine. And then it can

feel more comfortable for your spouse too!

Pray During a Conflict This one’s important! When you’re really mad at each other, before you start really

discussing the issues, ask, “Can we just pray together?” and then pray something like

this:

God, we’re really angry right now and we need You. Help us to find the win-win

solution here. Let us both be open to what You have to say. Give us Your peace.

Amen.

First Thing in the Morning Say a quick prayer in the morning as you wake up. You could take your spouse’s hand

and simply pray something like, “Lord, today I pray that we will glorify you in all we do.

May you use us to help us be a blessing to others.” Or, you can ask, “Can we say a

prayer together in the morning? I’ll say a sentence, and you say a sentence, and we’ll

start our day that way.”

Prayer Whiteboard Create an “I Need Prayer for…” whiteboard on your refrigerator (or some other place

that’s easy to see). Give each person in the family a place on the whiteboard and

encourage them to write their needs in their space. Then family members can

spontaneously pray throughout the day when they see it, and people know their own

needs are getting prayed for!

Plan an Extended Prayer Time Once a Week If you are comfortable praying together, then once a week, say on a Sunday night before

bed, or on a Saturday morning when you get up, pray for a longer time about all of your

needs as a family and for other concerns you have. Remember to include times that you

praise God for who He is, and thank Him for what He’s done! Again, if this is a regular,

standing date that you have together, it’s more likely to become a part of your routine.

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Write Your Prayers Start a “Prayer Journal” together. You can keep this journal on your nightstand or

dresser or somewhere you will both see it often. Take turns writing out prayers for each

other and date them to keep track. You can also come back to that prayer and make a

note when God has answered it!

Silent Prayer Spend some time silently praying in each other’s presence. You might hold hands while

you’re praying, and the first person who is done can gently squeeze the other person’s

hand to let them know they are done (this isn’t a que to hurry up the other person).

During this time, you might even consider having a list of things you’d like to pray for

between you (you can divvy up the list or both work through the entire list).

Discuss the following… Work through some questions together that will help you think through how you can practically bring

this “Ways to Pray” component home with you.

1. Which of the suggested “Ways to Pray” sounded most interesting to you?

2. Choose your top 3 “Ways to Pray” that you would realistically like to start practicing in your

home. Write them on the lines below:

______________________________________________________

______________________________________________________

______________________________________________________

3. What challenges might you face in trying to implement these three “Ways to Pray” in your

home? How can you guard against these things?

4. Which of your top 3 will be the hardest to keep consistent? Which of your top 3 will be the

easiest for you to do regularly?

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Step Four: Pray with Your Spouse

Sharing Prayer Requests In the busyness of life, sometimes we forget to check-in with each other, let alone ask the

question: “Honey, how can I be praying for you?” Take some time right now to share a few

prayer requests with each other. Make sure that each person gets enough time to share their

own requests.

Take one of the index cards provided and write down the requests that are shared. Then, take

the card with your spouse’s requests and put it some place where you will see it often (i.e. in

your Bible, on your car dashboard, or take a picture of the card and save it as your phone

screensaver). Let this card be a “trigger” to remind you to pray for your spouse! Below are

some example prayer request cards. (We’ve given you a whole pack of index cards that you can

use for future prayer requests, if you so choose!)

JOHN’S PRAYER REQUESTS That he would be a good witness at his job

For the possible promotion at work

That he would have patience with the children

WENDY’S PRAYER REQUESTS For her friendship with Julie, that God would

bring forgiveness and restoration

That God would give her energy to tackle all of the kids’ activities this week.

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Pray With Your Spouse, Now After sharing your prayer requests with each other, spend some time right now just praying

together. God longs to hear from you (Psalm 116:2)! So, talk to God on behalf of your spouse’s

requests. (Don’t worry about how you sound or your choice of words – God hears you

regardless of all that. Just talk to Him.)

In addition to your spouse’s requests, you might include praying for:

The 3 “Ways to Pray” that you chose

A fruitful prayer life in your home

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Step Five: Praying for Your Spouse (Take Home Resource)

Praying God’s Word over Your Spouse

Sometimes it’s hard to know how to pray for your spouse, but praying from God’s Word is one

way that you can always assure that you are praying for something your spouse needs. There

are two lists in this section: one for the wives on how to be praying for their husbands and one

for the husbands on how to be praying for their wives.

In this kit, there are also bookmark versions of these lists for you to keep in your Bible or

somewhere else as a resource during your prayer times. We encourage you to take these and

review them at home. This is a resource for you during your prayer times or when you are just

struggling to know how to pray.

1. HOW TO BE PRAYING FOR YOUR HUSBAND

2. HOW TO BE PRAYING FOR YOUR WIFE

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HOW TO BE PRAYING FOR YOUR HUSBAND

1. Grant him wisdom – give my husband a discerning heart to know Your great love for him and the

great plans You have for him and our family. Plans to prosper and not to harm, to give us hope

and a future (Jeremiah 29:11).

2. Give him strength – grant my husband courage and the ability to find his strength in You. Help

him to not fear or be dismayed and remember that You are always with Him. Strengthen him

with power in his inner being (Ephesians 3:16, 6:10; Joshua 1: 6-9).

3. In our marriage – show my husband what it looks like to love me as you loved the church. Help

me to love and serve him with a submissive and respectful heart (Ephesians 5:25-33).

4. Protect his mind – give him the mind of Christ, saturate it with godly wisdom. Help him to take

every thought captive that is not in obedience to Your Word, and in so doing protect him from

pride and temptation (1 Corinthians 2:16, 2 Corinthians 10:5).

5. Open his eyes – open the eyes of my husband’s heart to understand Your Word, so that he won’t

be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of his mind so that he may

know Your good, acceptable and perfect will for his/her life and our marriage (Romans 12:2).

6. Trust in God’s Will – help my husband to trust in You with all his heart, not depending on his

own understanding, but acknowledging You in all his ways, so he knows what direction our

family should take (Proverbs 3:5-6).

7. Bless him – may the favor of the Lord rest on my husband. Bless and establish the work of his

hands and his heart (Psalm 90:17).

8. Unify our family – help us to live together in perfect unity by loving, honoring and respecting

one another and serving each other for Your glory, honor and praise! (1 Thessalonians 5:13)

9. God, be his safeguard – make my husband sober-minded, watchful, and clothed with your

protective armor, that he may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil (1 Peter 5:8,

Ephesians 6:11-18).

10. A fruitful walk with God – fill every crevice of my husband’s heart with the fullness of You, Lord.

Enable him to keep in step with Your every move, and to crucify the desires of his flesh. Bring

great fruit in his life as he obeys and depends on You (Ephesians 3:19, Galatians 5:16-25).

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HOW TO BE PRAYING FOR YOUR WIFE

1. God, be her God – her all-satisfying treasure and all. Make her jealous for your exclusive

supremacy over all her affections (Psalm 73:24-25).

2. Increase her faith – give her a rock-solid confidence that your incomparable power is only

always wielded for her absolute good in Christ (Romans 8:28-30).

3. Intensify her joy – a joy in You that abandons everything to the riches of Your grace in Jesus and

that says firmly, clearly, gladly: “I’ll go anywhere and do anything if you are there, Lord” (Exodus

33:14-15).

4. Soften her heart – rescue her from cynicism and make her tender to Your presence in the most

complicated details of dirty diapers and the many other needs you’ve called her to meet

(Hebrews 1:3).

5. Make her cherish Your church – build relationships into her life that challenge and encourage her

to walk in step with the truth of the gospel, and cause her to love corporate gatherings, the

Lord’s Table, and the everyday life of the body of Christ (Mark 3:35).

6. Give her wisdom – make her see dimensions of reality that I would overlook and accompany her

vision with a gentle, quiet spirit that feels safe and celebrated (1 Peter 3:4).

7. Sustain her health – continue to speak your gift of health and keep us from presumption; it is by

blood-bought grace (Psalm 139:14).

8. Multiply her influence – encourage and deepen the impact she has on our children. Give her

sweet glimpses of it. Pour her out in love for our neighbors and spark creative ways to engage

them for Jesus’s sake (John 12:24).

9. Make her hear Your voice – to read the Bible and accept it as it really is, Your word… Your very

word to her where she is right now, full of grace and power and everything she needs pertaining

to life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3).

10. Overcome her with Jesus – remind her that she is united to him, that she is a new creature in

him, that she is your daughter in him… That she is no longer dead in sin, but is alive in Christ

(Romans 6:11).

Adapted from www.desiringgod.com