bam pow biff screenplay

8/8/2019 Bam Pow Biff Screenplay

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BAM, POW, BIFF

Screenplay by Chris Dunne

A shot of Alex, sleeping in bed. His alarm clock goes of, playing the superman theme. He groggily swats at it with his hand, knocking it off the table. He sits up

and looks down at it.

Alex (muffled, groggy): Crap.

He changes into his school cloths and walks down the stairs. A few mundane

shots of him fixing himself breakfast. He walks outside to pick up the news paper.

As he does, a costumed man runs by him at an astonishing speed.

Super Hero (as he’s running by, barely audible): Good morning, citizen!

Alex quickly looks up and waves in the direction the Hero ran off in.

Alex: Morning Lightspe- (cuts himself off)… Never mind.

Abrupt shot of the title, then a shot of Alex ringing Wyatt’s doorbell. He has a

backpack. Wyatt’s mom opens the door.

Wyatt’s Mom: Hey Alex. Wyatt’s in the kitchen.

Alex: Thanks Mrs. Siegel.

Alex goes into the kitchen, Wyatt and Sara are snacking on a bowl of popcorn.

There is some sort of celebrity gossip on the radio.

Sara: About time you got here.

Wyatt: To the basement?

Alex: To the basement.

A shot of them walking down the stairs into the basement.

Sara: I can’t believe your mom listens to that crap Wyatt. Celebrity gossip? I

mean really, give people some privacy. (as the come down the stairs) Oh! And did

you hear the Blue Flame might be dating Hypnotica? SO perfect.



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Wyatt: And how is that not celebrity gossip?

Sara: You know. Because they use fake names and wear outrages consumes.

Wyatt (deadpan): Lady Gaga.

Sara laughs.

Sara: Super Heroes have super powers.

Alex: I don’t know Sara. She seems supernaturally desperate for attention, does

that count?

Sara elbows Alex.

Sara: Shut up.

They sit down on a few chairs or a sofa.

Alex: Alright. Video games?

Wyatt: Studying.

Alex: You mean video games.

Sara: Surely that’s what you meant.

Wyatt: Studying.

Sara and Alex reluctantly take out their text books.

Sara: Nerd.

Wyatt: This is coming from the girl who spends more on comic books and super

hero merchandise then most people spend on housing.

Sara: I like to think of it as having positive role models.

Alex: You realize most of them are whack jobs.

Sara: What makes you say that?



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Alex: The fact that the dress up in spandex and beat up bad guys for the fun of it.

Sara: Well, what you see as crazy I see as awesome. I mean really. What would

you do if you had super powers?

Alex: Have some fun. Nothing illegal, but I wouldn’t go vigilantly. Which actually

is illegal by the way. People just seem to look the other way if you’re wearing a

mask.

Wyatt: Focus guys. Chemical bonding.

Alex: Right, that. You know, I think I’m starting to get this stuff.

cut to a shot of Alex with his head face down on a desk. In front of him is a

chemistry test with a D on it. Sara pokes her head into frame, looking at the paper.

Sara: Oh! You passed! Good for you!

Alex (without moving his head): Yay.

Sara: Well at least you’re improving.

Alex (sarcastically): I can hardly hold back my excitement.

Sara: Come on, don’t be such a downer Alex.

Alex: I don’t know what you’re talking about. I barely stopped myself from failing,

why ever would I be upset? I do hope the mayor picks out the rite color balloons

for the parade he’ll throw me for raising my Chem. Grade to an unbelievable forty

seven percent.

Wyatt walks over

Wyatt: So? Did my tutoring help?

Sara makes “stop talking” motions, Alex flips his paper around.

Alex: It’s like “Freedom Writers” all over again. You’re a genius.

Sara: Don’t listen, you did all you could. He’s just in a bit of a mood.



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Alex: Nah. I mean, with grades like this, I can look forward to an exciting career

as assistant manager at Wendy’s!

Wyatt: The sarcasms starting to get painful here.

Sara: It’s how he copes. On the bright side, your tutoring is working quite well for

me.

She holds up a chem. Test with a B – on it.

Wyatt: B-. Not bad, getting better.

Sara: Yup. Not good enough to keep my parents from murdering me, but I’m

improving.

Wyatt thinks for a moment.

Wyatt: I have an idea. Mr. Keller is offering an extra credit lab next Wednesday

after school. You two should sign up!

Alex (head still on desk): Nope. Not only do after school projects interfere with

my precious “not-doing-school-projects” time, but I don’t intend on somehow

finding a way to fail at something that by definition you can’t fail at.

Sara: Dude, seriously?

Wyatt: Come on Alex. How about I go along too? I’ll help you out.

Alex lifts his head off the desk and looks at Wyatt for a second. He then puts his

head back down.

Alex: Sure, fine.

A shot of Alex, Sara, and Wyatt walking into a lab. They look around, we can’t

see anyone. We suddenly hear an explosion and Mr. Kellers voice out of frame.

Mr. Keller: OH GOD! SWEET MOTHER OF MERCY I’M ON FIRE!!

The camera quickly pans over to one of the tables, Mr. Keller pops up from

behind it, breathing heavily. His sleeve is scorched.



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Mr. Keller: Oh. Hello. I was just, um, setting… up… Lets get started, shall we?

Cut to a shot Mr. Keller slamming a fairly large green brick on the table.

Mr. Keller: This is refined Megatanium. It’s a bi-product of nuclear waste.

Wyatt backs up a bit.

Wyatt: is it safe?

Mr. Keller: Sure, probably. Anyway, what you’re going to do is see what happens

when you run an electric current through it.

He hands them sheets of paper.

Mr. Keller: Here are your lab sheets… now sign here.

Alex (as he signs it): What are we signing?

Mr. Keller: Nothing. Alright, you kids get to it. I have to… um… be somewhere.

He puts on a lead bib and walks out the door. We can see him looking in through

the window. We can hear the door lock. He seems to realize they can see him,

and walks off, trying to look natural. Alex looks at the door, and then back to the

green brick.

Alex: Um… Alright. Lets do this.

Sara: Uh… do you think its safe to touch?

Wyatt: He said it was safe…

Sara: He said it was probably safe. I feel like the word probably is really really

important in this situation.

Alex: Lets just do it, okay? I have Angle reruns to watch.

A few shots of them attaching electrodes to the brick. All that’s left if for them to

attach a wire to a battery and complete the circuit.

Sara: ready?



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Wyatt: There’s something oddly foreboding about this.

Alex attaches the wire to the battery. The Megatanium starts to glow. The glow

steadily filling the room with green light.

Sara: Uh, guys? I don’t feel so good…

The room his filled with a blinding green light. After a few seconds, it fades, and

the three of them collapse onto the floor. Fade out.

Fade back in. Wyatt is walking down the hall. Alex runs to catch up to him.

Alex: Hey, how are you feeling?

Wyatt: Not bad… still having headaches.

Alex: Really? That’s weird.

Wyatt: Why?

Alex: I’ve just been feeling sick all over. Shouldn’t we have the same symptoms

or something?

Wyatt: No idea. The doctors said we were fine, rite?

Alex: Yeah. Anyway, I’ve got English.

Wyatt: Alright, see you later.

A shot of Wyatt sitting at a desk. We can hear the teacher talking to the class. He

winces, holding his head. Slowly, the camera zooms in on him. The teachers

voice becomes muffled, echoing. Suddenly, we hear the teacher scream the word

“FLAPJACKS” with perfect clarity. A shot of her looking around, confused. Kids

laugh. Wyatt is quiet. Another shot of him walking down the hall. The same thing

happens, he holds his head, everything starts to echo. Suddenly, a kid walking by

him yells flapjacks, trips, and falls. Wyatt looks at him, then runs off.

A shot of Alex and Sara walking down a hall. Wyatt comes up from behind, grabs

them.

Wyatt: We need to talk.



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Sara: huh?

Wyatt leads them into an empty classroom. They stand there awkwardly for a

moment.

Alex: So...

Wyatt: I can make people say the word “flapjacks” with my mind.

Alex and Sara stair at him.

Alex: You’re insane.

Sara (at the same time): That’s awesome.

Alex (to Sara, right after her line): Excuse me?

Wyatt: yeah…

Alex: Wait, no. No. You can’t do this. You’re the smart one Wyatt, we need you to

be sane. Don’t go crazy on us.

Wyatt: Is it crazy Alex? We got exposed to intense radiation from some strange

substance. That’s how practically every super hero gets their power.

Sara: Holy crap. Holy freaking crap. I could have super powers!

Alex: No. The doctors said nothing was wrong.

Wyatt: If doctors could pick this stuff up, no one would have secret identities.

Alex: Okay, fine. Prove it.

Wyatt: Alright. Fine.

A look of intense concentration crosses Wyatt’s face. Nothing happens.

Alex: See? Now really, Why’d you do that? Did you have to FLAPJACKS!

Alex stumbles back, covering his mouth.

Alex: W… What the…



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Sara stairs at Alex and Wyatt in the way that a toddler stairs at a really cool toy.

Sara: DUDE!!

Wyatt: ahhh…. Ow…

Sara: DO IT AGAIN!

Wyatt: I hurts to do sometimes… and I can’t always control it…

Sara: What do you mean, you can’t control it?

Wyatt: Just talk to anyone in my health class. You’ll see.

Alex: God… can… can you make people say anything else?

Wyatt: No. I’ve tried. Just flapjacks.

Alex: Why just flapjacks?

Wyatt: No idea. I was going to ask Mr. Keller about it-

Sara: NO!

They pause, look at her.

Sara: … secret identities?

Alex: He’s not a super hero.

Wyatt: She’s right though. There’s a reason people don’t make these things

public. Besides, if any one of us wants to keep this private, we have to respect

that.

Alex: What? Why, this is happening to you, Wyatt, why would you care-

Wyatt: Because if the Megatanium did this, its stands to reason that it may have

affected you too.

Alex and look at each other. They pause for a moment.



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Sara: AWESOME!

Alex: Oh my god, can you take this seriously?

Sara: Alex. We. Could. Have. SUPER POWERS!

Alex: Yeah, or cancer! The stuff was nuclear waste, if it could do that to Wyatt,

who knows how else it could screw up our genetics?

Wyatt: Guys?

Sara: I’m trying to see the bright side here.

Alex: There is no bright side to terminal illness, Sara. It’s generally pretty dark

over there.

Sara: Wyatt’s not terminally ill!

Alex: Do we know that?

Wyatt: Guys!

Alex: What?

The camera pans to the door, where a very confused janitor staring at them.

Alex: Uh, hi. We were just, uh, getting… our… books?

Cut to a shot of Alex walking home from school.

Alex: Super powers. God, I have to go get myself checked. There’s no way… I’m

probably dying. Wyatt to, all of use. How am I going to deal with… should I tell my

parents? No, Sara would murder me. Deluding herself into thinking she has

super powers. There’s no way that-

There is a blinding flash, and where Alex was standing there is now a box of tissues. It falls to the ground.

Alex’s Voice (echoing): AHHH!!! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!! WHAT JUST

HAPPENED? AHH! Okay, calm, calm…. Am… am I… OH MY GOD, I’M A BOX

OF TISSUES! I AM A BOX OF TISSUES! AHHH! HOW DO I EVEN KNOW

THAT, I DON’T HAVE EYES!! GAHH! THIS DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE!



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There is another flash, Alex is on his hands and knees on the sidewalk.

Alex: … What just happened?

A shot of Alex running frantically running into his house, grabbing the phone, and dialing a number. He waits anxiously for it to pick up.

Alex: Wyatt! You where right. Damn it man, you were right. I can shape shift. Into

a tissue box. God, it was weird, I still feel all… cardboardy… Wyatt?

A shot of Sara standing at the phone, her jaw dropped. Wyatt is in the

background, setting up for the study group.

Wyatt: Who is it?

A shot of Sara running up the stairs of her house into her room. We see her room

is covered in super hero paraphernalia, posters, action figures, comic books, and

so on. She locks the door and stairs at her hands. She looks at an action figured

and stairs at it for a moment. Suddenly, she gestures her hand toward it. Nothing

happens. Looking slightly frustrated, she runs outside and looks at a car that is

parked in the driveway. She attempts to pick it up but nothing happens. Cut to a

shot of her standing on a picnic table, jumping off it, and falling.

Sara: OW!

Sara walks into the kitchen, bruised and covered in dirt . She goes to the pantry

and takes out a box of cereal. She goes and gets a bowl, but can’t find seem to

find a spoon. She looks in the dishwasher, sink, cupboard, can’t find on. She puts

down the bowl and drums her fingers on the counter. Three plastic spoons shoot

out from between her knuckles like Wolverines claws from X-Men. She pauses,

and then looks at her hand. She tries to pick up one of the spoons, but she finds

its lodged in her knuckle. She lifts up her hand, and the spoons come with it. Her

eyes get wide. She yells and shakes her hand like its on fire or something. The

spoons retract. She calms down, and looks at her hands for a moment. She

closes her fist, and the spoons pop out of either hand. She opens them, and they retract.

Sara: Whoa.



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She runs upstairs into her bedroom. She extends her spoons and tries to pull

them out, but finds that she can’t. She looks up at one of the posters, the music

gets epic

Cut to a shot of Sara standing in front of a dartboard. She swings her arm toward

it, trying to make the spoons shoot out, nothing happens.

Cut to another shot of her standing in front of a scare crow or something. She

makes a swipe at it with the spoons. It is completely undamaged. She looks at

the scarecrow, frustrated.

Cut to Sara using them to eat her cereal, music stops abruptly.

Cut to another shot of her with a pair of scissors (music picks up again), cutting

off the spoon parts of the spoons so they have sharp points.

Cut back to the scarecrow. She makes a swipe at it, and the scarecrow is cut.

She raises her hands triumphantly, retracting the spoons. She extends them

again, only to find they are once again full spoons.

Cut to a shot of her using one spoon to fling small pebbles at the scarecrow.

Sara: Meh. It’ll do.

Cut to a shot of the three of them sitting on the grass outside of the school.

Alex: Ok.

Wyatt: So.

Alex: We can all… do… things…

Sara: We have super powers.

Alex: Eh…

Wyatt: Party tricks?

Alex: Yeah, that sounds better.

Sara: Super powers.



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Alex: Fine, whatever, super powers… kind of. The question is, what do we do

now?

Sara: Masked vigilantism!

Alex and Wyatt look at her for a moment.

Sara: I have capes…seven capes, actually... in a bunch of different colors...

Alex: Because nothing strikes fear into the hearts of criminals like a tissue box

wearing a cape.

Sara: Okay, yeah, fine. No vigilantism. Yet.

Alex: Do we tell anyone?

Sara: No.

Wyatt: Yeah, I’m not really willing to share this quite yet. Don’t really want to

know how people will react.

Sara: Plus it’s bad form.

They stair at her again.

Sara: Secret identities? Seriously people, keep up.

Alex: … Right. So we do… nothing?

Wyatt: Yeah, lets just see what happens. Maybe they’ll just go away.

Cut to a shot of Wyatt eating dinner. His mom suddenly yells flapjacks. He tries

not to make eye contact.

Cut to Alex playing video games with Sara.

Alex: I got the flag!

Sara: Go for it! Go, go, go!

Alex suddenly turns into a box of tissues.



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Sara: Oh come on! Seriously! Not cool.

Alex shifts back

Alex: Not my fault!

Cut to Wyatt, getting something out of his locker. The people at the locker on

either side of him suddenly yell flapjacks at the top of their lungs. They look

around frantically, Wyatt hides his head in the locker. Quickly pan over, Alex is at

his locker. Someone is talking to him. That person, still talking, opens up his or

her locker. While that person is out of view, Alex shifts, falling to the ground. Just

as that person is starting to close their locker, Alex shifts back. He looks around

frantically, slightly panicked.

Person: You okay?

Alex: Um, yeah, I’m fine.

Cut to Alex, Sara and Wyatt alone in a classroom

Alex and Wyatt: We’re telling.

Sara: What? Why?

Wyatt: We can’t control this stuff. It just happens. I think people might becatching on anyway.

Sara: How?

Cut to a shot of Mr. Keller holding two beakers over a stove, demonstrating

something.

Mr. Keller: Now both of these are very volatile substances. We need to be very,

very, carfu-FLAPJACKS!

Both beakers go flying into the air, cut back to Alex, Sara, and Wyatt.

Alex: Three people were hospitalized.

Sara: Wow.



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Wyatt: Its got to stop.

Sara: Three people?

Alex: Yup.

Sara: God, what was he messing with…

Alex: That’s a different problem entirely.

Wyatt: Anyway, we’ve decided to tell Mr. Keller.

Sara: What? The guy who decided to use highly explosive chemicals in a high

school chemistry class?

Wyatt: Okay, so he’s a little bit-

Alex: He’s completely and totally bonkers.

Wyatt: But he knows what he’s talking about.

Alex: Sort of.

Wyatt: He’s the one who did this to us. Maybe he’ll have some idea of how to get

it out.

Sara: And if I don’t want it out?

Alex: Then no ones making you.

Sara thinks about it for a moment.

Sara: Alright, fine, for you guys. But he better not tell anyone.

Alex enters Mr. Keller’s classroom. The room is empty except for them, its

advisory or lunch or something. Mr. Keller is sees Alex come in, and hurriedly shoves whatever he was working on under a pile of half graded papers. Alex sets

his backpack down on a desk and waves awkwardly at Mr. Keller.

Alex: hey Mr. Keller.

Mr. Keller: Hi Alex. Can I help you?



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Alex: (working up his courage) Um, yeah…

He hesitates

Alex: Uh, that’s a cool pen you got.

Mr. Keller: What? (He looks down at the pen. He suddenly looks panicked, starts

to put it away, then seems to realize this would look unnatural, so he just fiddles

with it in his hands) Err, yes, I suppose?

Alex squints down at the pen.

Alex: I.C.G? What’s that stand for?

Mr. Keller: Its nothing. Just a sort of club I used to be in. You’ve never herd of it.

Alex: Really? It sounds familiar…

Mr. Keller: Did you come here for a reason Alex?

Alex: Oh! Yeah, right… well… ok, so… (Chickens out) I don’t think I did to well on

last night’s homework. Could you take a look at it? (He takes it out and hands it

to Mr. Keller)

Mr. Keller: Well let’s see… ah, here’s where you went wrong, you see the-

Alex (blurting out): I think that extra credit thing you had us do that went wrong

gave me super powers!

Mr. Keller freezes, then slowly looks up

Mr. Keller: excuse me?

Alex (more calm): I have super powers. Alex and Sara too.

Mr. Keller stands up

Mr. Keller: What kind of super powers? Flying? Super strength? I need detail,

Alex.

Alex is taken aback



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Alex: what? No! I-I can shape shift.

Mr. Keller pauses

Mr. Keller: Shape shift. Incredible.

Alex: Well, not really. I can only change into one thing.

Mr. Keller stairs at Alex. Alex just stands there awkwardly for a moment, close his

eyes, and shape shifts. Where he was standing, there is a tissue box. Mr. Keller

gawks at it. He changes back.

Alex: I can’t seem to change into anything else.

Mr. Keller: God…this isn’t what I expected.

Alex: Huh? What do you mean?

Mr. Keller: The Megatanium I mean. I didn’t have any idea it could do something

like this.

Alex: So you think it was the Megatanium?

Mr. Keller: I’m fairly sure. Alex, bring Wyatt and Sara here after school.

Alex: Um… All right.

The bell rings.

Alex: Ah! I gota go! Thanks, Mr. Keller!

He runs out of the room. Mr. Keller looks down at the pen. He fiddles with it in his

hand, and shakes his head, laughing lightly.

Cut to a shot of Alex, Sara, and Wyatt sitting outside eating lunch. I say outside so I don’t have to worry about shooting in a cafeteria.

Wyatt: After school, huh?

Alex: Yeah. It was weird. I mean, he was surprised, but not as surprised as I

thought he would be. He seemed more… I don’t know, interested.



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Sara: Guys, I really don’t like this.

Alex: I figure if we can’t find a use for our powers, we may as well find out what

caused them. (Looks at Sara) Who knows? Maybe we’ll even find away to make

them more useful.

Wyatt: I’m in if the rest of you are.

Sara: Yeah, ok. As long as I’m putting off doing my history paper, I may as well

put it off wile doing something useful.

There is a shot of them all walking down the hall, and entering Mr. Keller’s

classroom. Its empty.

Alex: Huh. That’s odd.

Cut to a close up on Alex and Sara. There is a punching noise, and they

collapse. Standing behind them are to thugs, they’re fists in positions suggesting

that the just punched them in the back of the head. Wyatt whirls around, and the

to men approach him. A look of intense concentration crosses his face.

Man 1: Flapjacks (He stops)

Man 2: Flapjacks (He stops)

Man 1: The hell?

Both Men: Flapjacks. Flapjacks.

FlapjacksFlapjacksFlapjacksFlapjacksFlapjacks-

Mr. Keller comes up from behind Wyatt and slams a heavy looking textbook into

the back of his head, knocking him out.

Mr. Keller: Alright, you know what to do.

The screen goes black. The lights slowly come up, and when they do, we are in a

concrete basement of some sort, with test tubes and bubbly smoky things all over

the place. Alex, Sara, and Wyatt are strapped to a table. Alex slowly opens his

eyes.

Alex: W…What?



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Sara: God, finally, your awake. What’s going on here?

Alex: Hell if I know. Ah, man, my head…

He tries to rub his head, but he finds his arms are strapped down.

Alex: Wha…

A sliding door swings open. Or, if a sliding door cant be acquired, a door of the

normal variety swings open. There is painfully dramatic music, and there is a

dramatic sweeping shot of Mr. Keller. He is wearing a green lab coat and goggles

(or a mask, if he looks too much like Dr. Horrible).

Mr. Keller (sort of manically): Ah, so your awake, children? Good, good, I was

just finishing the tests. You three have been quite useful to… (Camera zooms out dramatically; he strikes some sort of pose) PROFESSOR DESTRUCTO! (Laughs

manically)

Alex: Mr. Keller? (Music stops abruptly)

Mr. Keller pauses, looks at them

Mr. Keller: N-No. PROFESSOR DESTRU-

Wyatt: Why are you dressed like that?

Sara (confused): Wait, that’s Mr. Keller? I’m not seeing it guys.

Mr. Keller: Y….you recognize me? But… the mask…

Alex: Well yeah, I mean… you kinda hard to recognize… but … um… its clearly

you.

Mr. Keller: What kind of super heroes are you? I have a MASK. A MASK.

Alex: They’re not really super powers.

Sara: Yes they are! Seriously though, is that Mr. Keller? He doesn’t look anything

like him.

Wyatt: Huh. Well this is interesting.



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Mr. Keller: God damn it. (takes off mask).

Sara: Whoa! Mr. Keller?!?

Wyatt: Wait a sec. Your Professor Destructo? From the eighties?

Alex: You know about him?

Wyatt: Yeah, my parents talked about him. He was a big threat until Captain

Justice came along.

Mr. Keller: Hah. Yes. That was I. (He sits down). Well, I’m feeling nostalgic. Time

for a history lesson kids.

The next bit is done in the style of a comic book, with narration. The first picture is of Professor Destructo sitting on a throne surrounded by bags of money.

Mr. Keller: It was 1987 and life was good. I was the most wanted person in the

city, and was quickly rising in the ranks of the I.C.G (International Criminals

Guild). That is, until the discovery of Megatanium. Someone working in that test

facility was exposed to it, and that person gained super human strength, speed,

and the power of flight. (Slide to a picture of Captain Justice) You know him as

Captain Justice, but I know him as the guy who kicked my ass on day-to-day

bases for six years. (Slide to a picture of Professor Destructo banging his head

on a table. There may or may not be a bottle of whiskey on said table.) My losseswere so frequent that the guild striped me of my rank and excommunicated me.

But I wouldn’t give up (Slide to a photo of him working madly). It took several

years, but I developed my own Megatanium. Before using it on myself, I tested it

on you three. (slide to photo of Alex, Sara, and Wyatt studying) When you didn’t

show signs of Captain Justice like abilities, I dismissed the test as a failure.

Imagine my surprise we Alex approached me and claimed to have super powers!

Not the ones I imagined, but super powers nonetheless! Megatanium doesn’t

give you one specific set of abilities. It can cause absolutely any mutation

imaginable!

Wyatt: Wait, wait. Hold on a second. (comic abruptly goes into live action) That

doesn’t make any scientific sense. It sounds like a poorly thought out plot

convention.

Alex: And why are you telling us this? What if we escape or something, I mean,

this is sensitive information.



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Mr. Keller: Ah. Hadn’t thought about that. Its really something of a tradition.

Sara: He’s a villain. They’re just like normal criminals except they’re more

creative, dress funny, and share sensitive information.

Mr. Keller: Not as if it matters. Well! It’s about time I went and tested this stuff outon myself! I made some modifications to weed out the more (waves hand at

them) well, lets say it like it is, useless abilities. Be back in a bit to murder you!

Alex Wait, what?

Door slams.

Alex: Oh crap. Oh no, no, no.

Wyatt: God, that took long enough. Alex, shape shift.

Alex: Is this really a good time?

Wyatt: Probably the best possible time.

Alex sighs and shape shifts. The box slides off the table and onto the ground. He

shifts back.

Alex: Okay. Yeah. That was a good idea.

He undoes the straps holding Wyatt and Sara.

Alex: All right. Now what?

Sara: We have to escape. Okay, here’s the plan. He’s a mad scientist, so there’s

got to be acid in at least one of these bottles. I say we look around, poor a bit of

all the solutions on the table to find the most acidic one, and then use it to melt

the door. Alright lets… (as she is saying this, Alex and Wyatt semi-casually walk

out the sliding doors) umm… yeah… okay.

The three of them sneak down the hall.

Alex: Okay, we’re out. What’s next?

Wyatt: Hell if I know.



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Sara: We need to find his lab.

Alex: Why?

Sara: You know. So we can stop him. Save the world and stuff.

Short silence.

Alex: Your kidding, right?

Sara: You heard him! He’s going to give himself super powers!

Alex: Okay, so that’s one more villain with super powers out there. There are

thousands of them.

Wyatt: And there are thousands more super heroes. We’ll be fine.

Sara: But its bad form! You don’t let the bad guys win! Ever!

Alex: Is that an exit sign?

Wyatt: Looks like it .

They walk toward it. Sara stands still for a moment, and then runs off in the

opposite direction. Alex turns around

Alex: Sara? … Crap.

They run off after her.

Cut to Sara running down a hallway. She turns a corner, and suddenly stops. She

looks around the edge and see’s Professor Destructo wearing a gas mask and

goggles, holding down a lever. There is a thick green mist filling the room. Sara

covers her mouth with her shirt. The mist clears, and one of Destructo’s

henchmen steps out. He opens his hand, and a fireball appears in it.

Sara: Whoa…

Professor Destructo: I did it! God, I’m so brilliant.

(Cut to Alex and Wyatt running down another hall)



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Alex: Damn it…

Wyatt: We shouldn’t have blown her off like that.

Alex: Look, lets just find her, okay?

They turn a corner and smack into a very large guard-like person. He looks at

them for a second, and then cocks his weapon (which, as a side note, is probably

some sort of lazar invented by the professor, so a super soaker spray painted

silver or something)

Alex: Um. Hi. Uh. We were, um, just looking for… uh… you wouldn’t have

happened to have seen a girl run by here-

The shot abruptly shits to then being tossed into a cell. The guard turns his back

on them.

Alex: Well. This is going swimmingly.

Wyatt: Hey! Guard guy!

Guard doesn’t budge

Wyatt: Just something that’s been bothering me. Destructo hasn’t been in the

news in years, and he can’t be paying you off a teacher’s salary. So why are you

working for him?

The guard raises his eyebrow and turns around.

Guard: You got something better to offer, kid?

Wyatt: Well, no.

Guard: Then stop talking.

Wyatt: But it doesn’t make sense. He’s pretty much broke!

Guard: Won’t be once he rules the world.

Wyatt: When he… You’re kidding, right? You actually think he can do it? How

many times has he tried so far?

The guard pauses



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Guard: Three hundred seventy one.

Wyatt: So what makes you think this time will be any different? There are

thousands of smarter, more creative, and more financially stable villains out there

who have tried to concur the world twice as many times as your boss has. Andlook around! Have they? It can’t be done!

For a second, the guard almost seems to break down. He then lifts his gun, turns

around, and points it at Wyatt

Guard: I told you to shut up.

Wyatt starts concentrating very hard.

Guard: Flapjacks. What the FLAPJACKS. FLAPJACKS FLAPJACKS FLAPJACKSFLAPJACKS FLAPJACKS FLAPJACKS FLAPJACKS FLAPJACKS-

The guard starts quivering and twitching, still saying flapjacks. He collapses onto

the floor, flails around for a second, and then is still. Wyatt reaches through the

bars, takes his keys, and then unlocks the cell.

Alex: Um… How long have you been able to do that?

Wyatt: This would be the first time.

Alex: How’d you know it would work?

Wyatt: Lucky guess.

Alex looks down and the guard, who is lying almost too still.

Alex: Is he… uh… is he dead?

Wyatt: I hope not. Come on, lets move.

Alex: Right…

Cut to a shot of Sara carefully walking into the room with the power machine,

looking around to make sure no one’s watching. She looks at the machine. It sort

of looks like a shower, attached to a large metal box, with a lever attached to it.

She looks at the lever for a moment. Slowly, she steps inside the shower and



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rests her hand on the lever. She lingers there for a moment. She suddenly hears

footsteps, seems to consider throwing the switch on last time. The footsteps get

louder. She looks frustrated, and runs off.

Cut to Sara running down a hall, she smacks into Alex and Wyatt.

Wyatt: Sara!

Alex: Finally! Where the hell were you? Come on, lets get out of here.

They start to run off, but Sara stops them

Sara: Guys, hold on! We have to stop him!

Alex: Oh come on, not this again.

Sara: Look, I saw him give one of his goon’s super powers. (They both stair at

her) Yeah, I know. He has this machine-

Alex: Wait wait wait, hold on. Your telling me he’s turning his henchmen into

super humans, and you want us to go back there?

Sara: Well I wasn’t planning on being so direct about it.

Wyatt: We could call the police or something.

She looks like she’s going to say more, but a giant jet of flames roars over their

heads. (hopefully by the time this is made I’ll have a copy of Adobe Aftereffects)

Sara: You know, on second thought, running actually sounds pretty good.

They bolt off. A few fireballs wiz past them as the run.

They turn a corner

Alex: Did we lose him? (He steps out from behind the corner, and a fireball hits him square in the chest.)

Alex: Apparently not. Ow.

Sara: Oh my god, Alex!



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They drag him into an empty room and lock the door. Flashes can be seen from

outside. There is a large hole burnt in Alex’s shirt, and his chest is badly burnt.

Sara: Are you ok?

Alex: No… god, that hurts.

Wyatt: Hold on a second.

Wyatt walks over to the door and stairs at it. The flashing stops. You can hear the

guy saying “flapjacks” over and over again outside, the something that sort of

sounds like vomiting, then like someone collapsing, then silence. Wyatt runs back

over to Alex .

Sara: Did you just… (she looks at him for a second) … holy crap! That’s

awesome!

Wyatt: Yeah, sure. Alex, can you hear me?

Alex: Yeah…

Sara: … Alex, how does you power work?

Alex: What?

Sara: How do you shape shift? Is it like a switch, or what?

Alex: Uh, I mean… When I turn into a tissue box, it feels different to when I’m

turning back… Why? Crap, ow…

Sara pauses for a second

Sara: Have you ever tried shape shifting into yourself, as yourself?

Alex: Huh? No, I- ah! (He winces) What would be the point!

Sara: Right now, shift into yourself!

Alex: What?

Sara: Do it!



1

Alex looks confused, and then there’s a flash of light. He’s still lying there, but the

hole in his shirt and his burns are gone. He looks sits up, and looks at his chest.

Alex: Whoa.

Sara grins.

Sara: You do to have super powers.

Mr. Keller (from off screen): Well isn’t this interesting. I should have run some

more tests.

They whirl around and see him leaning agents the wall.

Wyatt: How did you…

Mr. Keller grins, and disappears, and instantly then reappears right in front of

them. They stagger back.

Mr. Keller: Like it? Not that I needed it to get in here.

He waves his hand at the door and it flies off its hinges (or just swings open really

fast, depending on budget).

Mr. Keller: Telepathic powers. Mental abilities. Quite suitable for someone of my

brilliance. Now, if you’ll just come back to the lab-

Alex abruptly punches him in the face, making him fall backwards. They all dart

out of them room.

Alex: Please don’t be a mind reader please don’t be a mind reader please don’t

be a mind reader.

Cut to Alex and Wyatt, who are running down a narrow corridor. They turn a

corner and stop, sitting down ageist the wall.

Alex: Think we put enough distance between him and us?

Wyatt: Hard to say.

Alex: Okay, we need to get out of here. There’s gota be a way out of here.



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Wyatt: Alex-

Alex: God, I really hope he can’t read minds. If he can, he’s probably listening to

us right now. Oh shit, I bet he is! He’s toying with us Wyatt!

Wyatt: Alex-

Alex: Toying with us I tell you! Watching us squirm with fear, waiting for us to give

up all hope before he ends us! That, cruel, cruel, bastard! FLAPJACKS!

Cut to a quick shot of a slightly annoyed looking Wyatt, the cut back to Alex.

Alex: ah… god, that’s weird... where’s Sara?

Cut too Sara. She turns a corner, sees the fire-throwing guy, and hides. He

doesn’t see her. He is approaching the corner she is hiding behind. She extends her spoons (god that sounds weird).

Sara (to herself): Okay, if Wyatt and Alex can do this, so can you.

They fireball guy gets closer. She stands against the wall. Right before he turns

the corner, she steps out and kicks him swiftly in the groin. He staggers back,

groaning. Sara looks around franticly, grabs a mop, and hits him in the head with

it. He collapses.

Sara: Or I could just do that. Heh. (She turns around, excited) Did anybody seethat? No? Okay. (Mumbling) Probably shouldn’t be yelling…

Cut back to Alex and Wyatt.

Alex: Okay, you got my attention.

Wyatt: I think I can take on Destructo.

Alex: Your kidding, right?

Wyatt: You saw what I did to that guard, Alex. I really think I can do this.

Alex: Wyatt, the mans a physic and a telepath. Mental powers. He’s got the real

version of what you have, if there’s anyone who you can’t beat, its him.

Wyatt: I can do this Alex.



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Alex: Yeah, you said like three times now, but its really not becoming any more

convincing.

Wyatt: Look, what are you so worried about! He can’t hurt you!

Alex: Correction. I can definitely feel pain, so yeah, he can hurt me. He can’t kill

me.

Wyatt (sort of mumbling): Well, I mean, he can kill you. All he’d have to do is

blow off your head, or really anything that would shut down your brain functions…

Alex gives him a sort of “What the hell” kind of look.

Wyatt: Look, just trust me, ok?

Alex pauses

Alex: Okay, fine. But if I die, I’m going to haunt the crap out of you.

Wyatt (jokingly, as they get up and start to leave): There’s no such thing as

ghosts, Alex.

Alex: Anyone ever tell your you’re terrible at pep talks?

There is a short sequence with both Alex and Wyatt and Sara running down corridors, they bump into each other.

Alex: Sara! Thank God, you’re okay.

Sara: Guys! Okay, I know you don’t agree with me, but we need to go back and-

Wyatt: Already on it.

Sara: Oh. You sure? Because I had a really, really good speech all planed out-

Alex: Nope, we’re decided.

Sara: Oh. Okay. That’s. Um. Good. I guess.



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Cut to a Professor Destructo sending pouring over a map, scribbling down notes.

There is “henchman 3” staring intently at a long match. Suddenly, lasers shoot

out of his eyes and light the match.

Henchman 3: heh. (He blows the match out) Hey doc. I’ve been meaning to ask

you. Where’d you get your degree?

Professor Destructo: Degree?

Henchman 3: Yeah. I mean, are you a real professor?

Professor Destructo: Well, I mean… technically, no. I didn’t graduate. My thesis

was a tad… (Camera zooms in dramatically on his face) unorthodox…

Henchman 4 (from off camera): I thought you said you flunked out.

The camera pans quickly to Henchman 4, who seems to be glowing. Professor

Destructo flicks his hand towards him, sending him flying across the room.

Professor Destructo: Shut up Carl.

Cut to a shot of Alex, Sara, and Wyatt, sneaking around a corner. You can hear

Professor Destructo’s voice in the distance, justifying flunking out of collage,

something about credits and being a transfer student. Wyatt puts a finger to his

lips. He peeks around the corner; the camera zooms in on Destructo as if we’re

seeing things through Wyatt’s eyes. Camera goes back to Wyatt, he looks like he’s concentrating. Nothing happens.

Wyatt: Damn it, he’s blocking me out.

Alex: Told you.

Wyatt: I think I can get in… I’m pretty sure he’s concentrating on keeping me out

of his head… if we distract him for a second…

Sara: On it.

Wyatt: Actually, I was thinking-

Sara has already run out into the open

Alex: Damn it! (He runs out after her)



1

Wyatt looks off in their direction, sighs, and concentrates. Cut to Alex and Sara

running into the room, and then stopping. Destructo and his henchmen turn their

heads to them. There is a moment of silence. Sara slightly tilts her head toward

Alex.

Sara (whispering): Okay, now what?

Alex (not moving, whispering): I swear to god I’m going to murder you if they

don’t do it first.

Destructo looks at them for another second, and then turns back to his work.

Proffer Destructo: Take care of that, will you Carl?

Henchman 2 smirks and starts walking over to them

Alex: Get back Sara.

Sara looks like she’s about to argue, then looks at the glowing guy coming toward

them.

Sara: yeah, okay, good idea.

Glowing guy reaches Alex, who is slowly backing away. He puts his hand on

Alex’s chest, and Alex yells in pain and falls to his knees. He takes away his hand, there’s a burn mark. Alex flashes, and is standing on his feet, looking

perfectly fine. He looks at his hands, smiling a little. They glowing man looks

confused, and then punches Alex in the face. Alex yells, staggering back about

six feet, the area were he was punched black and smoking. He flashes again,

and is fine. He grins. The glowing guy, pretty pissed off and this point, runs at

him. At the last second, Alex shape shifts, and the guy slips and falls. He hits his

head on the concrete floor and is knocked out cold. He shifts back. Professor

Destructo rolls his eyes.

Professor Destructo: Hank?

Henchman 1 nods, and bolt of energy shoots out of his eyes. Alex shape shifts,

narrowly dodging it, and then shifts back. He grabs a large beaker and throws it

at Henchman 1’s head, and it hits dead on, shattering. He grunts and shakes it

off.



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Henchman 1: is that the best you ca-

Another beaker hits him square in the head. He mumbles something, dazed, and

then a third beaker hits him. He mumbles something else, and then falls to the

ground. Cut back to Alex. He laughs, unable to believe what he just did.

Professor Destructo sighs, and then flicks he hand toward Alex. Alex goes flying back, and invisible force pinning him to the wall.

Professor Destructo (hand outstretched as if he’s holding Alex in place,

walking toward him): I have to say Alex. Impressive. You’ve really turned

lemons into lemonade haven’t you? (he is now standing right in front of Alex)

Unfortunately, I’m not as stupid as those two.

Someone taps him on the shoulder. He turns around, and Sara punches him

square in the face. He staggers back, and spits out a tooth. Sara grins.

Sara: I KNEW I got stronger!

Destructo glares at her, stands back up, but Sara kicks him in the gut, knocking

the wind out of him. He doubles over and falls to the ground.

Sara: Woo! Yeah!

Destructo gets up, looking pissed. He is about to say something, but then his

eyes glaze over.

Professor Destructo: Flapjacks. No! Flap… arg! (Struggling) Flap…jacks….

FLAPJACKS FLAPJACKS FLAPJACKS FLAPJACKS FLAPJACKS FLAPJACKS

FLAPJACKS FLAPJACKS FLAPJACKS FLAPJACKS FLAPJACKS

He keels over, still saying “flapjacks”, twitching, eventually goes silent. Wyatt runs

out.

Sara: That just happened!

Alex shakes his head, smiling, unable to believe what they did.

Sara: We just took down a super villain. Four super villains, is you count the

lackeys. (She looks at Alex) Do you know what this makes us?

Alex grins



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Alex: Oh, come on. Don’t make me say it.

Sara: Say it.

Alex: (Laughs) Okay, fine. Super heroes. We’re super heroes.

Sara: Hell yeah we are!

There is a humming sound, and the three of them suddenly drop the floor.

Destructo gets up and brushes himself off.

Mr. Keller: Well. That was annoying. Get them out of here, they’re not a threat.

A shot of Alex, Sara, and Wyatt walking home.

Sara: That was embarrassing.

Alex: I thought we had him to.

Wyatt: Lets not sweat it. We got caught up in things. I’m sure some real super

heroes will take care of this before it gets out of hand.

Cut abruptly to a Poster of Proffeser Destructo standing majestically, staring off

into the distance. It reads “All hail Destructo”. Cut to a shot of Alex, Sara, and

Wyatt looking up at it. They’re wearing uniforms that look soft of similar to

Destructo’s costume.

Alex: Well this sucks.

Cut to Wyatt’s basement. The three of them are sitting just sort of sitting around,

looking disappointed.

Wyatt: Now what?

Alex: I really don’t know.

There’s a slight pause.

Sara: … Masked vigilantism?

Alex: That didn’t really work out. Besides, the bad guys won, remember?



Sara: Well yeah… but just because the laws are new doesn’t mean there aren’t

people breaking them. I’m not saying we start a revolution or anything, just… I

don’t know. Lets stop some muggings or something.

Alex: … you really think we could?

Sara (smiling): Sure, why not? We have an invincible man, a telepath, and, well,

I could learn karate or something.

Wyatt: I’m in.

Alex laughs

Alex: Oh, what the hell. Lets go save the day or something.

Roll credits.

bam pow biff screenplay

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