barb city upholstery -...

May 2, 2018 Your success. . . . . is our business! Volume 12, Issue 23

OORANGE PPEEL GGAZETTEDEKALB COUNT Y EDITION

“T“THEHE HHOTTESTOTTEST LLITTLEITTLE PPaaPERPER IINN TTOWNOWN!”!”

FREEtAKE oNE

Distributed 1st & 3rd Wednesday of each month by OPG Dekalb, Inc. PO Box 33, Cortland, IL 60112For advertising rates go to www.opgdekalb.com Contact Tim at [email protected] or 815-501-0705

Cortland DekalbGenoa Hinckley Kingston Kirkland

Shabbona Somonauk Sycamore Waterman

Malta Sandwich

Tattoo When my brother-in-law was on

leave from national service, hebrought home a heavily tattooedfriend. We all sat down to Sundaylunch, and my four-year-old nephew couldn't takehis eyes off the man's colorful arms. Curiosity fi-nally got the better of him. Politely, he asked thevisitor, "Didn't your mother give you any paper towrite on?" Bed Time

Pajama-clad tot calling out to family: "I'm going upstairs to say my prayers now.

Anyone want anything?"

FurnIturE, Boat SEatS - FrEE EStImatES

Wanda Anderson OWNER Call Any Time!

815-756-3355 or 815-824-2811Now With 2 Locations- DeKalb & Workshop In Lee!

1303 E. Lincoln Hwy.DeKalb, IL (Corner of Dodge Ave. & Rt. 38)

Barb City Upholstery

AcceptingE SCRAP

• Aluminum • Brass • Copper • Stainless Steel • Steel • Iron• Insulated Wire • Batteries • Aluminum Cans• Siding 336 East Sullivan •Aurora

M - F 7:30 - 4:30Sat 7:00 - 12:30

STATE CERTIFIED SCALESCONTAINER & TRUCKING SERVICES

TOP CASH PAID for

Ferrous & Non-Ferrous

Metals

Ecology Tech Inc

630-844-3344www.ssmetalrecyclers2.com

1 Block E. of Rt 25 on Sullivan

Since 1988

ROOFING SIDING GUTTERS WINDOWS

R_sponsiv_R_sponsiv_Roofing, LLCRoofing, LLC

“Customer service the way it should be”“Customer service the way it should be”Call for a quote!

815.901.8860www.ResponsiveRoofing.com

Mention this ad to receive $100 OFFa complete roof replacement!

Not valid with other offers.

LICENSED BONDED INSURED LICENSE #104-016284

Check out our new website!

815.739.2499156 W State Street Sycamore, IL 60178

www.WillowRE.com [email protected]

$ $ $$ $Jayne Menne

Managing Broker/Owner

!"#$%&'$()''8(+9):)99);<-(=>4,.-

WillowReal Estate

156 W St[t_ Str__t Sy][mor_, IL 60178

Jayne MenneManaging Broker/Owner

oranGe PeeL GaZeTTe - DeKalb County editionGreat rates - Great results - Call Today! (815) 501-0705

Bad Translations English can be a difficult language to learn (and

even harder when people in other countries try tomake signs which their English-speaking visitors canread)

•The lift is being fixed for the day. During that timewe regret that you will be unbearable.(In a Bucharest hotel lobby)

•When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacle your passage, then tootle him with vigor. If honorable horse obstacle your path, pull over until he he pass away. (From a Japanese car-rental firm's informative brochure)

•To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.(Inside an elevator in Yugoslavia)

•Please leave your values at the front desk.(At a Paris hotel)

•Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours ofrepose in the boots of ascension.(At an Austrian ski lodge)

•Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.(On the menu of a Swiss restaurant)

•Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup

502 N Main St. Suite 2Sycamore, IL

Cell: 815-739-7818

Marc Doty Owner

Mowing - Aerating - RototillingRolling - Fertilizing - Dethatching

Randy HolleBroker - Owner

Randy Holle Real Estate

Cell (815) 762-5743

Mr. 4% CommissionNow Listing Farms

Fax (815) [email protected]

oranGe PeeL GaZeTTe - DeKalb County editionAdvertising starts At Just $24 per issue! contact Tim at [email protected]

with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger;roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up inthe country people's fashion. (On the menu of a Polishhotel's restaurant)

•For your convenience we recommend courteous,efficient self-service. (At a Hong Kong supermarket)

•Order your summers suit. Because is big rushwe will execute customers in strict rotation.(At a Hong Kong tailor shop)

•There will be a Moscow Exhibition of the Arts by15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors.These were executed over the past two years.(In Soviet Weekly)

•A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shapesince the contractors have thrown in the bulk oftheir workers. (In an East African newspaper)

•Teeth extracted by the latest methodists.(Advertisement of a Hong Kong dentist)

•A lot of water has been passed under the bridgesince this variation has been played.(In a Russian book on chess)

•Fur coats made for the ladies from their own skin.(In the window of a Swedish furrier)

•Cooles and heates: If you want just condition ofwarm in your room, please control yourself. (Instruc-tions accompanying new Japanese air conditioners)

•English well talking. Here speeching American.(Signs at two Majorcan shops)•Specialist in women and other diseases.(On the door of a Roman doctor's office)

•Stop -- Drive sideways. (Detour sign in Kyushi,Japan)

•Do not enter lift backwards, and only when lit up.(In a Paris hotel elevator)

•Visitors are expected to complain at the officebetween the hours of 9 and 11 a.m. daily.(In an Athens hotel)

•You are welcome to visit the cemetery wherefamous Russian and Soviet composers, artistsand writers are buried daily except Thursday.(At a Moscow hotel across the street from a Russian Orthodox monastery)

•Ladies may have a fit upstairs.(In a Hong Kong tailor shop)

•It is strictly forbidden on our Black Forestcamping site that people of different sex, forinstance, men and women, live together in onetent unless they are married with each other forthat purpose. (At a German campground)

•Ladies, please leave your clothes here andspend the afternoon having a good time.(Outside a Rome laundry)

•Take one of our horse-drawn city tours. We guarantee no miscarriages.(Czech tourist agency brochure)

G_r[l^ H. Will_yOwner

1310 S. 4th St D_K[l\, IL

815.756.2696gl[uto@ [ol.]om

Sin]_ 1979

G & L AUTO REPAIR

Ri ing Mow_r R_p[ir

General auto repair, Brakes, welding,starting systems,

Carburators, Classics,

Br[n^ SupportP[rts & S_rvi]_

Prof_ssion[l S_rvi]_ with [ P_rson[l Tou]h

FREECHILD ADMISSION WITH

PAYING ADULTValid thru 9/30/18. Limit one per customer, Can not

be copied, or used with another offer. Not Valid6/15/18, 6/16/18, 6/30/18, 9/29/18

DKOPG

RACING EVERY WEEKEND!

HIGHWAY 64- NORTH AVENUE • MAPLE PARK, IL815.895-5454 • 4 MILES EAST OF SYCAMORE • 15 MILES WEST OF ST. CHARLES

$2 OffGeneral Adult

AdmissionValid thru 9/22/18. Limit one per customer, Can not

be copied, or used with another offer. Not Valid6/15/18, 6/16/18, 6/30/18, 9/29/18

DKOPG

GATESOPEN 6PM

www.SycamoreSpeedway.com

FRIDAY - - TIME TRIALS AT 7PM

SATURDAY - - TIME TRAILS AT 6:30PM

RACING TO FOLLOW

Email [email protected] to get your DekalbCounty event included in our list at no cost!

Dekalb�County

oranGe PeeL GaZeTTe - DeKalb County editionConnecting Customers and Businesses. . .That’s what we Do Best!

Call the Preacher The Baptist minister had been summoned to the

bedside of a Presbyterian woman who was quite ill.As he went up the walk, he met the little daughter ofthe woman and said to her, "I'm very glad your motherremembered me in her illness. Is your minister out oftown?"

"No," answered the child. "He's at home, but wethought it might be something contagious, and we did-n't want to expose him to it."

Mortality I began thinking about my own mortality after I be-

came a widow. One day my daughter called homefrom college, and I announced to her, "I think it's timefor us to talk about where I would like to be buried."

"It's way too soon to even think of anything likethat," she snapped indignantly. Then there was a briefsilence.

"Wait a minute, did you say married or buried?" When I repeated buried, she said, "Oh, okay, sure."

Moving FurnitureCo-workers sympathized as my mother complained

that her back was really sore from moving furniture. "Why don't you wait till your husband gets home?"

someone asked. "I could," my mother told the group," but the couch

is easier to move if he's not on it."

New Sign Driving through Southern California, I stopped at a

roadside stand that sold fruit, vegetables, and crafts. As I went to pay, I noticed the young woman be-

hind the counter was painting a sign. "Why the new sign?" I asked. "My boyfriend didn't approve of the old one," she

said. When I glanced at what hung above the counter, I

understood. It declared, "Local Honey, Dates, Nuts."

Awe Insurance Agency Genoa (815) 784-6614Gallagher, Dillon, Friedlund DeKalb (815) 756-8643& Associates

IL. Alliance Agency, Inc. Marengo (815) 568-7560

Kingston Mutual Insurance Company420 West Main Street

Genoa, IL 60135815-784-5657

Complete Farm and Home Coverage Since 1885KINGSTONMUTUAL

5/20 Sandwich Sportsman's Club Annual Swap Meet andSale will open at 8:00am on Sunday May 20th, at 1011 Hart-man Trail, Sandwich, featuring new and used hunting andfishing and outdoor gear for sale.

5/19 PLANT SALE- rain or shine 9am-3pm Sponsored bythe DeKalb Area Garden Club @ Gurler House, Corner ofN. Second & Pine in DeKalb - Perennials, annuals, shrubs,herbs and vegetables (donation of plants will be accepted)

5/3-5/6 Waterman All Town Garage Sales: May 3rd 4-8PM,May 4th 8AM-5PM, May 5th 8AM-4PM, May 6th 9AM-4PM

5/19 The Lobster Boil of St. Paul's Episcopal Church [email protected]/ourministries/lobsterboil.htmlwww.facebook.com/StPaulsLobsterBoil/

5/5 Waterman Spring Vendor & Crafter Fair 9AM-3PM,more than 70 booths to shop from!

05/9-11 Tulip Festival Trip, Holland MI Fun trip with FVCCTripsters. From 1406 Suydam Rd, Sandwich. Contact Beckyfor reservations, 815-786-9404 Ext. 3

05/9 Mother’s Day Party at FVCC 1406 Suydam Rd, Sand-wich. Special Luncheon with FVOAS partner VAC. Enter-tainer Deena Norris. Suggested donation $6

6/2 Swiss steak supper--Kingston U.M. Church--5 and 6:15.Carryouts & gift certs. available. Adults $10 815-784-2010

6/8-9 Bridges of River Mist Community Garage Sale 8-4pmBridges of Rivermist is located at First St & Bethany Roadin DeKalb.

5/17-19 15th Annual Leukemia & Lymphoma Society Bene-fit Garage Sale 8am-7:30pm 117 E. Royal Drive, DeKalb, IL

7/15 20th Anniversary Biking with Beanzie www.KishKiwanis.org

oranGe PeeL GaZeTTe - DeKalb County edition“The hoTTesT LiTTLe PaPer in Town”

Bank Robber Said the FBI agent to the bank teller after the bank

was robbed for the third time by the same bandit: "Didyou notice anything special about the man?"

"Yes, he seemed better dressed each time!"

Churchill Downs Vacationing in Kentucky, a friend and I spent the

night at a small motel outside of Louisville. In themorning, I asked the woman at the desk for directionsto Churchill Downs. Not able to tell us, she called herhusband from the back room.

"Churchill Downs?" he asked. "That's the race-track, isn't it?" We nodded. He hesitated and then said,"I'm pretty sure it's somewhere south of the university.I'm sorry, but I don't think I can be much help."

At that point his wife left the room. The husbandlooked over his shoulder to make sure she had disap-peared. Then he winked at us, leaned over the counterand whispered, "Take Third Street through town, gopast the university and turn right on Central Avenue.After that, just look for the twin spires. You can't miss'em!"

DeKalb Garage Doors

Free Service CallWith Every Repair ~ $49.95 Value

FREE LIFETIME WARRANTYOn Spring Replacement ~ $89.95 Value

SERVICE/REPAIR 24/7 EMERGENCY RESIDENTIAL

815-758-6300

Serving DeKalb County & Surrounding Counties

www.DekalbGarageDoors.com

√√ Reliable √√ Honest √ √ DepenDable√√ Competitive pRiCing √√ oveR 20 YRs expeRienCe√√ FRee new DooR estimates √√ senioR DisCounts

NOW HIRING CAREGIVERS!!! Part to Full time hours availableproviding home care for elderly

and disabled throughout DEKALB COUNTY, and greater Rockford AREAS. For more infocall Sycamore 815-306-0036 or Rockford 815-489-9000

EUROPEANSERVICE

AT HOME

Give Our Advertisers A Try!Don’t Forget To Tell Them You Saw Them In

The Orange Peel Gazette!

Voted “Best Bagel in Illinois” by Spoon University!

Selected to the “Top 10 Bagel Shops in IL” two years in a row by Best Things Illinois!

122 South 1st St.across the street from Walgreens

www.barbcitybagels.comMon-Fri 6:30am-2:30pm Sat-Sun 7am-2pm


Ready to Deploy At a naval barracks the enlisted men were being

given their shots prior to going overseas. One lad,having received his whole series of injections, askedfor a glass of water.

"What's the matter?" asked the hospital corpsman."Do you feel light-headed?"

"No, just checking to see if I'm still watertight."

Sports Illustrated The coach's wife yells to her husband, "It's Sports

Illustrated on the phone." The coach falls all over himself racing to the

phone and says, "Hello?" Then he hears, "For just 75 cents an issue...."

Insurance Claim A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expen-

sive cigars, then insured them against fire amongother things. Within a month having smoked his en-tire stockpile of these great cigars and without yethaving made even his first premium payment on thepolicy, the lawyer filed a claim against the insurancecompany.

In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost"in a series of small fires." The insurance companyrefused to pay, citing the obvious reason: that the manhad consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. Thelawyer sued ... and won!

In delivering the ruling the judge agreed with theinsurance company that the claim was frivolous. Thejudge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a pol-icy from the company in which it had warranted thatthe cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that itwould insure them against fire, without defining whatis considered to be unacceptable fire, and was obli-gated to pay the claim. Rather than endure a lengthyand costly appeal process, the insurance company ac-cepted the ruling and paid $15,000.00 to the lawyerfor his loss of the rare cigars lost in the "fires."

NOW FOR THE BEST PART.... After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance

company had him arrested on 24 counts ofARSON!!!! With his own insurance claim and testi-mony from the previous case being used against him,the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning hisinsured property and was sentenced to 24 months injail and a $24,000.00 fine!

Al Hintt& SonsTrucking

Residential & Commercial PoolsSpas • Hot Tubs • Ponds • Dunk Tanks

Delivery to Construction Sites

WATER DELIVERY &SWIMMING POOL WATER

(847)464-5573 7N401 Dittman Road(847)347-3109 Cel Elgin, IL 60124

500 - 5,800GALLONS PER LOAD

888-567-7166 www.pinnobuildings.com

BUILDINGS

ServingWisconsin Illinois Iowa

Premium Buildings at an Affordable Price!

BUILT TO LAST!

ResidentialCommercial

Personal StorageAgricultural

Bill Cleveland815-751-1156

Now’s The Time To Think About Your New Building Project!

815.756.6325815.756.6325 ManningFord.comManningFord.com

forfor

*Only Model Years 2000 & Newer

402 MANNING DR

DEKALB, IL

Your Car!


Yield for Pedestrians? Seen in the parking lot of a brand new department

store, painted on the ground at a crosswalk in letters 4feet tall: YELD

Close, but not close enough. I drove through thefollowing week and found it was changed. They hadpainted an I between the existing letters. Now it readYEILD.

About two months later they finally fixed it. Theold lettering was painted over with black and freshlypainted on top of that was the word STOP.

Bachelors Two confirmed bachelors sat talking, their conver-

sation drifted from politics to cooking. "I got a cookbook once," said one, "but I could

never do anything with it." "Too much fancy work in it, eh?" asked the other. "You said it. Every one of the recipes began the

same way - 'Take a clean dish'".

Bad Language The little boy was caught swearing by his teacher. "Jeffrey," she said, "you shouldn't use that kind of

language. Where did you hear it?" "My daddy said it," he responded. "Well, that doesn't matter," she explained, "you

don't know what it means." "I do, too," Jeffrey corrected. "It means the car

won't start."

A Bad Driving Day In North Haven, New York, a woman had a really

bad driving day. Police cited her for driving while intoxicated. Actually, she caught their attention by causing a

two-car accident while being both under the influenceand behind the wheel.

And the other vehicle, the one she crashed into,was driven by a man she may have seen on television:

He's a lawyer operating the New York City-areapersonal injury service whose TV ads were even theninviting people to dial "1-800-LAWYERS."

Bathroom Sign In the men's room at work, the Boss had placed a

sign directly above the sink. It had a single word on it-- "Think!"

The next day, when he went to the men's room, helooked at the sign and right below, immediatelyabove the soap dispenser, someone had carefully let-tered another sign which read -- "Thoap!"

AAwArdwArd wwinninginning PPetet SStylingtyling

At OUROUR Door:316 W. MAIN ST. • GENOA, IL

OR AT YOURSYOURS!With Our FFULLYULLY EEQUIPPEDQUIPPED MMOBILEOBILE VVANAN !!

((SOMESOME AREASAREAS MAYMAY HAVEHAVE LIMITEDLIMITED MOBILEMOBILE AVAILIBILITYAVAILIBILITY))

815.333.5197815.333.5197CCATSATS WWELCOMEELCOME!!

Monday-Friday • By Appointment

BY: Lisa LeadyNationally Certified Master Groomer

in GenoaOFFERING:GENERAL

INSUREDFREE ESTIMATES

CALL KENT AT

815-739-4899

& MOWING SERVICES

Lampard Landscaping & Lawn Service

LANDSCAPING SERVICES

Opee says, “Your ad would lookgreat here!” Check out ourwebsite to see how little ittakes to make that happen.

Associate your business with heartwarming &

humorous content!www.opgdekalb.com

Where are you going? A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd

been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.Cop: Do you know where you were going?Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad be-

cause all the cars were leaving.

Confucius say.... Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat

and drink beer all day.If you lend someone $20 and never see thatperson again, it was probably worth it.

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.

Do not walk beside me, either;just leave me the heck alone.

It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper,

that's the time to do it.Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced,

you can't be promoted.It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

It is far more impressive when others discoveryour good qualities without your help.If you tell the truth, you don't have to

remember anything.Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

An Honest Lawyer An investment counselor decided to go out on her

own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business keptcoming in, and pretty soon she realized that sheneeded an in-house counsel. She began to interviewyoung lawyers.

"As I'm sure you can understand," she started offwith one of the first applicants, "in a business like this,our personal integrity must be beyond question." Sheleaned forward. "Mr. Peterson, are you an honestlawyer?"

"Honest?" replied the job prospect. "Let me tellyou something about honest. Why, I'm so honest thatmy father lent me $15,000 for my education, and Ipaid back every penny the minute I tried my very firstcase."

"Impressive. And what sort of case was that?"The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted, "Hesued me for the money."


w w w.k i s hc o n c er tban d.o rg

NIU Music BuildingBoutell Memorial Concert Hall

HandicappedAccessible

Sunday, May 20 ~ 3:00PMDavid Lehman &Deb Shofner, Directors

Free

Admiss i

on!

SEASON FINALE

this institution is an equal opportunity provider and employerCall: (815) 758-2960Call: (815) 758-2960

BRIARWOOD APARTMENTS3345 RESOURCE PARKWAY • DEKALB

1, 2 & 3 Bedroom Available Now*W/D HOOK-UP *CENTRAL AIR *CARPORT*ON-SITE LAUNDRY *ON-SITE MANAGEMENT

Brain Teaser Can YOU solve it? 10, 4, 3, 11, 15...

What number is next? a) 14 b) 1 c) 17 d) 12

ANSWER: 14. When spelled out, each number inthe series is longer than the previous number by oneletter.

Car Purchase A Russian man decided he would like to buy a car.

He phones the factory and asks, "How long do I haveto wait for a car if I place my order immediately?"

The salesman replies, "Your car will be deliveredin five years. Let's see now...that will be a Monday inSeptember."

"Will that be in the morning or the afternoon?" in-quires the man.

"When you've waited five years, what does it mat-ter whether the car arrives in the morning or the after-noon?" questioned the salesman.

"Because the plumber is coming in the morning."

CommonymsA Commonym is a group of three words or

phrases that share a common trait. For example: car - tree - elephant

They all have trunks!

1. loan - pool - greak white

2. clog - pump - flat

3. rain - fur - trench

4. silver - tin - nickel

5. coffee - oil - air

6. tulip - lamp - onion

7. Saturn - dirty shirt collar - newlyweds

8. date - cook - phone

9. Spock - Suess - Phil

10. fire - soda - safe

Answers on page 15 7

oranGe PeeL GaZeTTe - DeKalb County editionadvertising starts at Just $24 per issue! contact Tim at [email protected]

ArrowPower Washing

DeKalb Family Owned Business

815-762-6768Joe and Mike Jurina

Serving Christ and our Communitywww.arrowsealing.com

High Powered Hot Water WashingRemove Mold, Mildew, Ground-in Dirt

Can Look Brand New withproper cleaning!!

SIDINGSIDEWALKSDRIVEWAYS DECKS & FENCES

OPG5-2Offer expires 6/30/18

REMOVES GUM

Coupon cannot be combined with any other offerCoupon must be presented for discount

Limited Time 10% Discount

We Care Tree Care

“We’ll go out ona limb for ya”

Fully Insured - Eco Friendly Call for a FREE ESTIMATE

(815) 761-8139

Removals, Trims, Stump Grinding...

Anything your trees need

Complete Tree Service:


Here’s a Checklist for Changing JobsA few generations ago it was not uncommon forworkers to stick with a single job for their whole ca-reers. But for many of us today, frequent jobchanges are a fact of life: The average employeetenure is just over four years, according to the Bu-reau of Labor Statistics. So, assuming you’re goingto switch jobs a few times, you’ll want to be pre-pared. Here’s a checklist of things you can do tosmooth these transitions and help your financial sit-uation:

__Build an emergency fund. Some of your jobchanges may be involuntary, so you’ll want to havea cash cushion handy – just in case. One smartmove would be to build an emergency fund, con-taining three to six months’ worth of living ex-penses, with the money kept in a liquid, low-riskaccount.

__Consider your options for your former em-ployer’s 401(k) plan. If you had a 401(k) plan withyour former employer, you have three main options:

-Free Estimates-Tear Off or Re-Roof-Repairs for Residential & Flat Roofs-Asphalt Shingles or Wood Cedar Shake-Siding & Gutter Services-Tree Services

DEKALB ROOFING

-Price Match to All Competitors-Hassle Free 10 year labor warranty-All Bi-Products from jobs are recycled-Licensed, Bonded, and Insured

Call or Text Us Anytime

815-501-3282

The Case of the Missing Cow A big city lawyer was called in on a case between a

farmer and a large railroad company. The farmer no-ticed that his prize cow was missing from the fieldthrough which the railroad passed. He filed suitagainst the railroad company for the value of the cow.The case was to be tried before the Justice of thePeace in the back room of the General Store.

The attorney immediately cornered the farmer andtried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer didhis best selling job, and the farmer finally agreed totake half of what he was claiming to settle the case.After the farmer signed the release and took the check,the young lawyer couldn't help but gloat a little overhis success.

He said to the farmer, "You know, I hate to tell youthis but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't havewon the case. The engineer was asleep and the fire-man was in the caboose when the train went throughyour farm that morning. I didn't have one witness toput on the stand."

The old farmer replied, "Well, I'll tell you, youngfeller, I was a little worried about winning that casemyself because that durned cow came home thismorning!"

Hours: Tue, Wed, Sat 10am-5pmThu 10am-6pm Fri 10am-7pm

149 E. Lincoln Hwy Dekalb, IL815-787-7683

www.kidstuffdekalb.comFacebook: kidstuffdekalb


CountrywestConcrete, Inc.

If It’s Concrete We Will Do It! No Job Too Big or Too Small!

[email protected]

FreeEstimates

Flatwork, Foundations, Decorative Concrete

Fully Insured

Dan White - Sycamore, IL

In Business

Over 25 Yrs!

Bobcat WorkBobcat Work • HaulingHauling • Small DemolitionSmall Demolition • • Pole Barn Repairs Pole Barn Repairs See us on Facebook

CountryWest Concrete, Inc.815.901.7059

You could leave your money in the plan, if the em-ployer allows it; you could move the money into yournew employer’s plan, if permitted; or you could rollthe funds over to an IRA. You’ll want to weigh the“pros” and “cons” of these choices carefully beforemaking a decision.

__Choose investments from your new retirement plan.If your new employer offers a 401(k) or similar plan,you’ll need to choose the investments within the planthat are most appropriate for your goals, risk toleranceand time horizon. Contribute as much as you can af-ford to the plan, and consider increasing your contri-butions every time your salary goes up.

___Make sure you’ve got health insurance. The healthinsurance offered by your new employer may notbegin the minute you start your job. Given the highcosts of medical care, you’ll need to make sure youare protected until your coverage kicks in. So, for thatinterim period, you may need to consider the federalhealth insurance marketplace, COBRA continuationcoverage or private medical insurance. You might alsobe eligible to be covered under your spouse’s healthinsurance. And you may want to learn what your op-tions are for health savings accounts (HSAs), if avail-able.

___Review your new benefits package – and takesteps to fill gaps. Your new benefits package may in-clude life and disability insurance, but these grouppolicies may not be enough to fully protect you andyour family. A financial professional can help youquantify your protection and insurance needs and offerguidance on how much coverage you may require.

__Understand your income tax considerations. Gettinga new job may involve income tax implications, suchas changes in your tax bracket, severance pay, unusedvacation and unemployment compensation. And if youare thinking of exercising stock options, be aware thatthis, too, can be a taxable event. Finally, if you have tomove to take a new job, you may incur some reloca-tion and job hunting expenses that could be de-ductible. You will need to discuss all these issues withyour tax professional.

Starting a new job can be exciting – and challenging.But you may be able to make your life easier by put-ting the above suggestions to work.

-submitted by Heather Hilleshiem, Financial Advisor,1680 Mediterranean Dr., Suite 105,

Sycamore, IL 60178, 815-895-3672,[email protected]

815-756-26811837 E. LINCOLN HWY • DEKALB

Lovetts’s Rite-Way Rebuilderswe Do it tHe Rite waY

MAJOR & MINOR REPAIRS6 Months or 6,000 Mile

WarrantyON QUALIFIED REPAIRS

ASK FOR DETAILS

www.Lovetts24HourTowing.com

State-of-the-Art Computer Analysis • Tune-UpsTransmissions • Brakes • Mufflers • Batteries

Air Conditioning • Wheel Balancing

$$5555

RReliableeliable & eeFFiCieNTFFiCieNT

RReaSoNableeaSoNable RRaTeSaTeS

FFlexiblelexible SSCheduleChedule

CCuSTomuSTom CCleaNiNgleaNiNg

NNoo JJobob TToooo SSmallmall

Lori Sabor (815) 793-9141

CleaneD FoR5 Rooms 5 Rooms Only

OFFICES & MOVE-IN/MOVE-OUTS TOO!

Lori Sabor (815) 793-9141

Need help with yourretirement savings?

Heather J HilleshiemFinancial Advisor.

1680 Mediterranean DrSuite 105Sycamore, IL 60178815-895-3672www.edwardjones.com

Member SIPC

Orange Peel Gazette ClassifiedsClassified Ads Start At $12.00$12.00 For First 4 LinesFor First 4 Lines

HHANDYMENANDYMEN ANDAND M MOREOREMaintenance/Management ServicesHonest & Reliable - Fully Insured

CCALLALL JJEFFEFF (815) 751-2366(815) 751-2366OROR (815) 825-9913 (815) 825-9913

Handyman

WE BUY Gold, Jewelry,Diamonds & Coins.

ZACKS213 Grove St. ~ DeKalb

(815) 739-5555(815) 739-5555 Please Call Firstzacksjewelryandcoins.com

Buying Coins/Jewelry

Handyman w/ 30 years experiencePainting/Power washingRepairs of all kinds.

Call Ron - (815)-751-9891

WWEE P PAYAY H HIGHESTIGHEST P PRICESRICES F FOROR GGOLDOLD, S, SILVERILVER , P, PLANTINUMLANTINUM, J, JEWELRYEWELRY,,CCOINSOINS , F, FLATWARELATWARE , D, DENTALENTAL & B & BULLIONULLION

Belvidere Collectible Coins880 Belvidere Road - Belvidere, IL

(815) 547-7111(815) 547-7111Mon-Fri: 9:30am - 5:00pmSat: 10:00am - 4:00pm

Need Cash

Order Online At: HHAPPYAPPYWWOKOKDDEEKKALBALB.COM.COM

We Sell Fresh FRUIT SMOOTHIESFRUIT SMOOTHIES!

Order Chinese Food

Painting

CLAESSON CARPET CLEANING CLAESSON CARPET CLEANING Family Owned & Operated

MMENTIONENTION TTHISHIS AADD FFOROR 10% OFF!10% OFF!Serving DeKalb & Kane Co.Call: (815)756-1566 : (815)756-1566 or go toClaessonCarpetCleaning.comClaessonCarpetCleaning.com

Carpet Cleaning

Handyman

Cash PaidCash Paid For Old Fishing/Hunting Equipment.Call Tim (630) 327-1557

Wanted


Bill’s Custom ServicesInterior/Exterior

Painting & Drywall Etc.Wallpaper hanging/removalOver 20 Years ExperienceFree Estimates/Insured

Now Offering Carpet Cleaning(815)482-4155

CCREATIVEREATIVE KKIDSIDS CONNECTIONCONNECTION isHiring! ECE Teachers/Directors

Call 815-901-0376 & ask for Audrey

New Daycare Center

Don’t Forget To TellOur Advertisers

You Saw Them In the Orange Peel Gazette!

Help WantedMMAKEAKE E EXTRAXTRA M MONEYONEY

Work From Home Flexible Hours

CCALLALL (847) 921-1357(847) 921-1357

Lawn CareAANYNY T TIMEIME L LAWNAWN M MOWINGOWING

CCOMMERCIALOMMERCIAL - R- RESIDENTIALESIDENTIAL

(815) 757-1669(815) 757-1669

U GU GROWROW I M I MOWOW L LAWNAWN C CAREARE

Residential & CommercialFree Estimates

CCALLALL TTIMIM: (815) 501-1261: (815) 501-1261

Edge-to-Edge Quilting on a Gammill Longarm. Binding servicesavailable. Will also make quilts

from your logo T-shirts. Best Rates.Donna Tastad (815) 562-6515

Machine Quilting

Lawn CareWWILTSEILTSE ’’SS LLANDSCAPINGANDSCAPING & L& LAWNAWN CCAREARE

LLAWNSAWNS , , CLEANUPSCLEANUPS & & MULCHINGMULCHING , , FERFER--TILIZINGTILIZING & & WEEDWEED CONTROLCONTROL , , PRUNINGPRUNING ,,PLANTINGPLANTING RESIDENTIALRESIDENTIAL & & COMMERCIALCOMMERCIAL

HARDSCAPESHARDSCAPES - (815) 508-7502- (815) 508-7502

Lawn Care

SUMMER FIREWOOD FOR SALESUMMER FIREWOOD FOR SALE

FFIREIRE PITPIT & & BONFIREBONFIRE SEASONSEASON ISIS HEREHERE! !

$75 $75 FORFOR AA TRUCKTRUCK LOADLOAD OROR $50 $50 FORFOR HALFHALF..

FFREEREE LOCALLOCAL DELIVERYDELIVERY. C. CALLALL 815-319-2559815-319-2559

Firewood

Salon Suite-SycamoreAAVAILABLEVAILABLE FURNISHEDFURNISHED SPACESPACE WW/ / WINWIN--DOWDOW FORFOR STYLISTSTYLIST//BARBERBARBER , & , & SMALLERSMALLER

SUITESUITE PERFECTPERFECT FORFOR MAKEUPMAKEUP ARTISTARTIST

CCALLALL JJANISANIS 815-739-3159815-739-3159

GGETET R RIDID O OFF T THEHE M MOLDOLD & D & DIRTIRT

Have Your Deck Looking Like NewSidewalks, Houses & Patios Cleaned

CCHUCKHUCK’’SS PPOWEROWER WWASHASH

Free Estimates Free Estimates (815) 762-5397(815) 762-5397

Power Washing

LCD, LED, Plasma, CRT, Projection &Stereo & AUDIO EQUIPMENT

FFASTAST E ELECTRONICLECTRONIC S SERVICEERVICE

101 W Sprague St., Malta(815) 758-7505(815) 758-7505

TV & Audio Repair


The Bus Driver One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage,

started his bus, and drove off along the route. No prob-lems for the first few stops, a few people got on, a fewgot off, and things went generally well.

At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy goton. Six foot eight, built like a wrestler, arms hangingdown to the ground. He glared at the driver and said,"Big John doesn't pay!" and sat down at the back. DidI mention that the driver was five feet three, thin, andbasically meek? Well, he was. Naturally, he didn'targue with Big John, but he wasn't happy about it.

The next day the same thing happened-Big Johngot on again, made a show of refusing to pay, and satdown. And the next day, and the one after that, and soforth. This grated on the bus driver, who started losingsleep over the way Big John was taking advantage ofhim. Finally he could stand it no longer. He signed upfor body building courses, karate, judo, and all thatgood stuff. By the end of the summer, he had becomequite strong; what's more, he felt really good abouthimself.

So on the next Monday, when Big John once againgot on the bus and said, "Big John doesn't pay!," thedriver stood up, glared back at the passenger, andscreamed, "And why not?"

With a surprised look on his face, Big John replied,"Big John has a bus pass."

Car Problems Sandra was out driving her car and while stopped at

a red light, the car just died. It was a busy intersection,and the traffic behind her starting growing.

The guy in the car directly behind her started honk-ing his horn continuously as Sandra continued to trygetting the car to start up again.

Finally Sandra gets out of her car and approachesthe guy in the car behind her.

"I can't seem to get my car started," Sandra said,smiling. "Would you be a sweetheart and go and see ifyou can get it started for me. I'll stay here in your carand lean on your horn for you."

Personnel Request The personnel office received an email requesting a

listing of the department staff broken down by age andsex.

The personnel office sent this reply: "Attached is a list of our staff. We currently have

no one broken down by age or sex. However, we havea few alcoholics."

Belvidere Collectible Coins

880 Belvidere Road • Belvidere, IL

(815) 547-7111

www.goldsilverjewelrycoin.comWe Pay Highest Prices For Gold, Silver, Platinum,

Jewelry, Coins, Flatware, Dental & BullionIn Any Condition We Will Beat Any One’s Price!

Mon - Fri: 9:30am - 5:00pm Sat: 10:00am - 4:00pm

Get 10% MORE for your JewelryWith this ad

www.themulchnmore.com

Give Our Advertisers A Try!Don’t Forget To Tell Them You Saw Them In

The Orange Peel Gazette!

Opee says, “Your ad would lookgreat here!” Check out ourwebsite to see how little ittakes to make that happen.

Associate your business with heartwarming &

humorous content!

www.opgdekalb.com


www.ronsHeatingandaC.net

Ron’sHeating & Air Conditioning LLC

®

Pretzel Charity A little old lady sold pretzels on a street corner for

25 cents each. Every day a young man would leave his office

building at lunch time and, as he passed her pretzelstand, he would leave her a quarter, but would nevertake a pretzel.

This went on for more than five years. The two ofthem never spoke.

One day as the man passed the old ladies pretzelstand and left his quarter as usual, the pretzel womanspoke to him,

"Sir, I appreciate your business. You are a goodcustomer, but I have to tell you that the pretzel pricehas increased to 35 cents."

Helping a Bum A woman was chatting with her next-door neigh-

bor. "I feel really good today. I started out this morn-ing with an act of unselfish generosity. I gave a fivedollar bill to a bum."

"You gave a bum five whole dollars? That's a lot ofmoney to just give away. What did your husband sayabout it?"

"Oh, he thought it was the proper thing to do. Hesaid, 'Thanks.'"

(Information gathered herein is from sources considered reliable.Accuracy however cannot be guaranteed. All humorous storiesand jokes appearing here are intended for entertainment purposes only and are not meant to disrespect or harm any groupor individuals. Ads appearing in this paper are not to be considered as an endorsement or validation by Orange PeelGazette for products or services offered.)

Commonym Answers: 1. sharks 2. shoes3. coats 4. metals 5. filters 6. they havebulbs 7. they have rings 8. books 9. doctors 10. crackers


Gender of Inanimate Objects You may not know that many non-living things

have a gender. For example: 1) Ziploc Bags -- They are Male, because they

hold everything in, but you can see right throughthem.

2) Copiers -- They are Female, because onceturned off, it takes a while to warm them up again. It'san effective reproductive device if the right buttonsare pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttonsare pushed.

3) Tire -- Male, because it goes bald and it's oftenover-inflated.

4) Hot Air Balloon -- Male, because, to get it to goanywhere, you have to light a fire under it and, ofcourse, there's the hot air component.

5) Sponges -- Female, because they're soft,squeezable and retain water.

6) Web Page -- Female, because it's always gettinghit on.

7) Subway -- Male, because it uses the same oldlines to pick people up.

8) Hourglass -- Female, because over time, theweight can shift to the bottom.

9) Hammer -- Male, because it hasn't changedmuch over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to havearound.

10) Remote Control -- Female. Ha! You thoughtit'd be Male. But consider this -- it gives a man pleas-ure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't al-ways know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.

Actual 911 Call Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm allout of breath. Dang ... I think I'm going to pass out. Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from? Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster. Dang... Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are

you an asthmatic? Caller: No. Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started

having trouble breathing? Caller: Running from the police. So don't send them.

opee Gazette says: Let’s Play!Who Wants to Be a Zillionaire?

$518,000 Question...Which of the following can cause heart attack?A) Blood sugar B) Cholesterol C) Blood protein D) Blood urea $519,000 Question...Which of these is not to be found in the powder com-monly known as 'Chinese five-spice'?A) Dill B) CinnamonC) Cloves D) All of these $520,000 Question...Which metal do you get from bauxite?A) Iron B) AluminumC) Copper D) Zinc$521,000 Question...Acid rain is composed mainly of the oxides of twoelements. Nitrogen and this?A) Sulphur B) IronC) Aluminum D) Gold$522,000 Question...What sort of creature is a bustard?A) Fish B) HorseC) Dog D) Bird $523,000 Question...How many holes are there in a ten pin bowling ball?A) 2 B) 4C) 3 D) 5 $524,000 Question...What is the state capital of Alaska?A) Juneau B) NomeC) Anchorage D) North Pole $525,000 Question...What is the correct name for a rabbit's tail?A) Furball B) Rossy C) Scut D) Cutie

(Answers below - See you next issue)

Answers: $518 - B $519 - A; $520 - B; $521 - A; $522 - D; $523 - C; $524 - A; $525 - C.

THE GENERAL

KNOWLEDGE QUIZ 8


Pretty Smart The two ladies were sitting in the living room,

waiting for their hostess, who was slightly de-layed. The daughter of the family was with them,on the theory that she would keep the visitors oc-cupied during the wait.

The child was about six years old, snub nosed,freckled, buck-toothed and bespectacled. Shemaintained a deep silence and the two ladiespeered doubtfully at her.

Finally, one of them muttered to the other,"Not very p-r-e-t-t-y, I fear," carefully spelling thekey word.

Whereupon the child piped up, "But awfully s-m-a-r-t!"

Breakthrough? Millions of years ago, there was no such thing

as the wheel. The only way to move things wasby carrying or dragging. One day, some primitiveguys were watching their wives drag a deadmastodon to the food preparation area. It was ex-hausting work. The guys were getting tired justWATCHING.

Then they noticed some large, smooth,rounded boulders and they had an idea. Theycould sit on the boulders and watch! This was thefirst in a series of breakthroughs that ultimatelyled to television. zacks

213 Grove St, DeKalb, IL - wwwZacksJewelryandCoins.com

We Buy Gold, Jewelry & Coins!We Pay CA$H! We Pay More!

815-739-5555

NEED CA$H?

9th @nnu[l MissionsGig[nti]

G[r[g_ S[l_

Fri^[y M[y 25 &S[tur^[y M[y 269[m-7pm

The Bus Trip The little old lady seated herself right behind

the bus driver. Every ten minutes or so she'd pipeup, "Have we reached Oriskany Falls yet, sonny?"

"No, lady, not yet. I'll let you know," he replied,time after time.

The hours passed, the old woman kept askingfor Oriskany Falls, and finally the little town cameinto view. Sighing with relief, the driver slammedon the brakes, pulled over and called out, "This iswhere you get out, lady."

"Is this Oriskany Falls?" "YES!" he bellowed. "Get out!" "Oh, I'm going all the way to Albany, sonny,"

she explained sweetly. "It's just that my daughtertold me that when we got this far, I should take myblood pressure pill."

barb city upholstery -...

Documents