basic helping skills for ministry leaders

8/9/2019 Basic Helping Skills for Ministry Leaders

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BASIC HELPING SKILLSBASIC HELPING SKILLS

FORFORMINISTRY LEADERSMINISTRY LEADERS

BASIC HELPING SKILLSBASIC HELPING SKILLS

FORFORMINISTRY LEADERSMINISTRY LEADERS


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Workshop G oalsWorkshop G oalsWorkshop G oalsWorkshop G oals

1. Self Understanding

2. Learn basic skills in the helpingprocess

3. Improve interpersonal effectiveness


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E ssentials to E ssentials to

Eff ective H elpingEff ective H elping

E ssentials to E ssentials to

Eff ective H elpingEff ective H elping1. Awareness - self awareness

- how to connect / communicate

2. Attitude - the healing power of unconditional positive regard(1 Thess 2:7-12)

3. Basic Skills - ability to establish and maintaingood interpersonalrelationships


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3 P ersonal 3 P ersonal

C haracteristicsC haracteristics

3 P ersonal 3 P ersonal

C haracteristicsC haracteristics1. Warmth - caring, respect, acceptance

(Romans 15:7)

2. Genuineness - open, sincere, honest, spontaneous,not phoney or artificial (be real)(1 John 3:18)

3. Empathy - ability to accurately identify withanothers thoughts, feelings, values,beliefs, actions. Empathy requiresflexibility of thought and generosity of spirit


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Apathy Empathy Sympathy

No emotion Experiencing anothers Embracing or Indifference world (perceptions, sharing the feelingsWithout feeling feelings) without losing of another person.

ones identity or Feeling or individuality expressing

compassion for anothers suffering


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A reas o f P ersonalityA reas o f P ersonalityA reas o f P ersonalityA reas o f P ersonality

T houghtsThis level (the cognitive ) is what youare thinking, the intelligence you have,or head knowledge.

FeelingsThis level (the aff ective ) is theemotions level: What you are feelingabout all this, whats happening inside,your emotional response.

ActionsThis level (the b eh a viour al ) is elicitedas a result of what youre thinking andwhat youre feeling. It is what you aredoing, or what is going on in your life.


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B asic H elping S killsB asic H elping S killsB asic H elping S killsB asic H elping S kills

1. Self disclosure / assertiveness

2. Attending and listening3. Reflecting (responding)

4. Exploring

5. Decision-making skills


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A reas o f H elpingA reas o f H elping(not restricted to specialists or pro f essionals)(not restricted to specialists or pro f essionals)

A reas o f H elpingA reas o f H elping(not restricted to specialists or pro f essionals)(not restricted to specialists or pro f essionals)

1. Problem management

2. Decision-making3. Crisis management

4. Support, nurture, healing

5. Life skills training


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1. Confrontation in counselling means to point out anotherserrors to him and help him see where he is wrong

2. The Bible teaches more of a confrontational model of counselling than a helping model

3. Depression is a sin4. Listening as a counselling method is enough for some

types of problems5. Giving advice is a poor counselling procedure6. Scripture is our only legitimate source of information

about counselling7. Every Christian is competent to counsel others

A gree/ D isagree S tatementsA gree/ D isagree S tatementsA gree/ D isagree S tatementsA gree/ D isagree S tatements


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8. It is possible for a highly neurotic person to be healedthrough prayer and Bible reading without having to goto a psychologist or psychiatrist

9. A severely disturbed person has come to you for help.There are psychologists and psychiatrists locally, butthey arent Christians. It would be best for you then togo ahead and attempt to help this person or refer himto your pastor

10. Mental illness is caused by a person having engagedin a sin of some kind

11. If a persons emotional life is stable, then his spirituallife will be stable



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12. The concept of praising God for everything teachesus to deny and suppress true honest feelings

13. If your spiritual gift is mercy, you will find counselling

to be a natural ministry14. Since God gives different spiritual gifts to His people,

some ministers should not be counselling



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C hristian C ounsellingC hristian C ounsellingC hristian C ounsellingC hristian C ounselling

An interactional process that facilitates anunderstanding of self and encourages voluntarygrowth and change through the utilization of

ones own resources.T his process invites individuals to be open tothe role God plays in their lives and to bereceptive to the ways his grace can influencetheir relationships.


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3 K eys to 3 K eys to

B uilding C ommunityB uilding C ommunity

3 K eys to 3 K eys to

B uilding C ommunityB uilding C ommunity1. Inclusiveness

Creating a sense of acceptance and

belonging

2. OpennessCreating a safe place

3. TogethernessCreating a sense of peace andcommitment


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B uilding C ommunityB uilding C ommunityB uilding C ommunityB uilding C ommunity

T he spirit of community once achieved isnot then something forever obtainedit isrepeatedly lostA genuine community recognises its illhealth when it occurs and quickly takesappropriate steps to heal itself

Scott PeckThe Different Drum, page 66

Arrow books, 1987


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P auls T heology o f P auls T heology o f

H elpingH elping


H elpingH elpingAll praise to the God and Father of our Master,Jesus the Messiah! Father of all mercy! God of all healing counsel! He comes alongside uswhen we go through hard times, and before youknow it, he brings us alongside someone elsewho is going through hard times so that we can

be there for that person just as God was there for us.

2 Corinthians 1:3,4 TM


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H elpingH elping


H elpingH elpingIf you preach, just preach Gods message, nothing else;If you help, just help, dont take over

If you teach stick to your teachingIf you give encouraging guidance, be careful that youdont get bossy;If youre put in charge, dont manipulateIf youre called to give aid to people in distress, keep your

eyes open and be quick to respondIf you work with the disadvantaged, dont let yourself getirritated with them or depressed by them. Keep a smileon your face.


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H elpingH elping


H elpingH elpingLove from the centre of who you are; dont fake it.Dont burn out; keep yourself fuelled and aflame.Laugh with your happy friends when theyre happy;Share tears when theyre downMake friends with nobodies; dont be the great somebody.Dont hit back; discover beauty in everyone.

Romans 12:8-18 TM


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J esus Way o f R elating J esus Way o f R elating

to P eopleto P eople

J esus Way o f R elating J esus Way o f R elating

to P eopleto P eopleYour care for others is the measure of true greatness.

Luke 9:48 LB

You became great by accepting, not asserting.Your spirit, not your size, makes the difference.

Luke 9:48 TM


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G roup D iscussionG roup D iscussionG roup D iscussionG roup D iscussion

What do you learn from the story in Luke

24 (Road to Emmaus) about the way Jesusrelated to people


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J esus R elational S tyleJ esus R elational S tyle(N

ot techniques

(N

ot techniques

a

role

model)a

role

model)


ot techniques

(N

ot techniques

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role

model)a

role

model)

1. Established the relationship Acceptance warm, caring. Not aloof or insensitive

Empathy God with us (identified with us)2 Listened / understood individual needs

3. Open, honest communicationSpoke clearly, with authorityExpressed feelings non-verballyRead body language


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ot techniques

(N

ot techniques

a

role

model)a

role

model)


ot techniques

(N

ot techniques

a

role

model)a

role

model)

4. Gently confronted illogical ideasConfronted dysfunctional behaviour, misunderstandingCleared up misunderstandingSort to reshape / refashion thinking

5. Empowered people to take

responsibility for their own behaviour and growthGave hope and encouragementEncouraged ownership


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Stage Helper Behaviour Client Behaviour

I Connecting and Attending, listening, Exploring their storyclarifying and understanding or problem

II Goal setting: Promoting new Developing newbased on dynamic perspectives and perspectives andunderstanding clarifying options setting goals

III Action: Facilitating action Acting, problemDesigning and management,implementing achieving goals

Adapted from an Egan (1982, p. 51)

E gans M odel o f E gans M odel o f

the H elping P rocessthe H elping P rocess




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My greatestM y greatest

personalstrength

What bringsgreatest

personalhappiness

How I seemyself

How otherssee me


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I have come that they may have

life, and have it to the full.John 10:10


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What is a f ully A live What is a f ully A live

P erson?P erson?

What is a f ully A live What is a f ully A live

P erson?P erson?

Someone who is comfortable with and

open to the full experience andexpression of all human emotions(necessary for personal peace and meaningful relationships)

Involves: 1. Way we see ourselves2. Way we relate to others3. Way we see / relate to God


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2 E ssential I ngredients in 2 E ssential I ngredients in Interpersonal

Communication

Interpersonal

Communication

2 E ssential I ngredients in 2 E ssential I ngredients in Interpersonal

Communication

Interpersonal

Communication

1. Awareness of others O bserve behaviours

Connect with thoughts and feelingsHow you see others (bias, prejudice, sensitivity)

2. Awareness of self What you think of self (self worth)How you feel about self (affects relationships)How do other people see you?How do you come across to others?


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J ohari WindowJ ohari Window


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S el f D isclosureS el f D isclosureS el f D isclosureS el f D isclosure

1. Self disclosure is an invitation tointimacy

2. To be able to freely self disclose youneed to accept and appreciate yourself

3. A lack of self disclosure dulls awarenessof your inner experience and decreasesyour ability to further disclose


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S el f D isclosureS el f D isclosureS el f D isclosureS el f D isclosure

4. Why is it so hard to self disclosefear of rejection

fear of ridicule, criticism, shame

family background

lack of trust (no respect or caring)

fear of being discounted or ignored

never get to be fully heard

afraid of closeness


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1. I get angry with myself when2. I like myself best when3. I feel ashamed when

4. I trust myself when5. When I fail, I feel6. I feel on top of the world when I

7. I get confused about myself when8. Im pleased with myself when9. I get down on myself when10. I feel confident when

F eelingsF eelingsF eelingsF eelings


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11. When I do things that I feel are wrong, I12. When Im successful, I13. Im most at peace with myself when

14. I get depressed when15. When I think of what others have told me about

myself, I16. I get annoyed with myself when17. When I take a good look at myself, I18. I think Im okay when19. I think Im not okay when

20. When I look at my values, I

F eelingsF eelingsF eelingsF eelings


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Levels of Love J oy Strength SadnessIntensity

Strong Adore Ecstatic Dynamic Desolate

Cherish J ubilant Powerful Anguished

M ild Affection Happy Strong BlueDesirable Cheerful Confident Sad

Weak T rusted Glad Capable DispleasedAccepted Satisfied Competent Dissatisfied

F eeling WordsF eeling WordsF eeling WordsF eeling Words


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Levels of Anger Fear Confusion WeaknessIntensity

Strong EnragedT

errified Bewildered CrushedSeething Horrified M uddled Helpless

M ild M ad Scared M ixed-up PowerlessFrustrated Apprehensive Baffled Vulnerable

Weak Irritated Worried Undecided WeakAnnoyed T imid Vague Feeble

Feeling

words

Feeling

words

Feeling

words

Feeling

words


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You can heal what you can feel You cant heal what you havent felt

Level 1 Anger, blame, resentmentLevel 2 Hurt, sadness, disappointmentLevel 3 Fear, insecurityLevel 4 Regret, remorse, guiltLevel 5 Love, understanding

Ability to forgive

I ceberg o f E motionsI ceberg o f E motionsI ceberg o f E motionsI ceberg o f E motions


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D imensions o f E steemD imensions o f E steemD imensions o f E steemD imensions o f E steem

Belonging Worth

Self Esteem

Competence

Sense of security andidentity with others(outside support)Giving myself support(inner support)

Being affirmed as aperson of value (outsidesupport)Respecting my ownthoughts, and feelings

(inner support)

Gaining a sense of achievement (outsidesupport)Recognising myachievements

(inner support)


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Aw areness WheelAw areness WheelAw areness WheelAw areness Wheel


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Eff ective C ommunicationEff ective C ommunicationEff ective C ommunicationEff ective C ommunication

Communication is a learned skill

It is impossible not to communicate

Communication takes 3 formsa. verbalb. non-verbal

c. writtenAll communication occurs at 3 levels

a. content what is being sharedb. feelings how you feel about the content

c. meaning intention or message behind the words


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5 L evels o f 5 L evels o f

C ommunicationC ommunication


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P rocess o f C ommunicationP rocess o f C ommunication


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T he C omplete M essageT he C omplete M essage

T on o o8%

u ord7%

on rbommun on

%


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B arriers to e ff ective B arriers to e ff ective



C ommunicationC ommunication1. Different backgrounds

(cultural, language, values, status, education,

previous experiences)

2. Different perceptions(see things differently)

3. Preoccupation / distracted4. Filtering hearing what we want to

hear

(bias, prejudice, suspicion, distrust)


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5. M essage overload

6. Ambiguity(what is presented as a problem is not always thereal problem)

.J

umping to conclusions. M aking assumptions


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C ommunicationC ommunication9 . Deliberate use of road blocks

a. judging the other person(threatening, moralising)

b. sending solutions to the other person(lecture, judge, blame, give advice)

c. avoiding the other persons concern(question, divert attention, humour)

10. Blind to the emotion


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R elationship M odelR elationship M odelR elationship M odelR elationship M odel

Closed Open

No personal involvement Personal involvementin communication sharing of perceptions- generalizations inner feelings, thoughts,- intellecturizing values, beliefs

Feelings are excluded Feelings are shared andas irrelevant, discussedinappropriate and irrational


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R elationship M odelR elationship M odelR elationship M odelR elationship M odel

Closed OpenShow little concern for the Is interactive andtopic or issue being concerned about the topicdiscussed or issue

Speaks and lives in the Speaks and lives in thepast tense there & then present tense here &

now


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A ssertiveness C ontinuumA ssertiveness C ontinuumA ssertiveness C ontinuumA ssertiveness C ontinuum

Submissive Assertive AggressiveI allow the other to take Both the other and I I take total responsibilityresponsibility for the take responsibility for the relationship.Relationship for the relationship

I dont express my own I directly, honestly, I express my ownfeelings, needs and openly, express my feelings, needs, ideasideas. Feelings, needs and at the expense of the

ideas. others.

I ignore my own rights I express my rights in I stand up for my own

or feel I have none. a way that doesnt rights but ignore theviolate the rights of rights of the other.the other.

I let the other be more I make myself equally I make myself moreimportant than I am in important to the other. important than thethe relationship. other.


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A ssertiveness C ontinuumA ssertiveness C ontinuumA ssertiveness C ontinuumA ssertiveness C ontinuum

Submissive Assertive AggressiveI let the other do the We make our choices I do the choosing for choosing in the main together. myself and the other.life decisions.

I let the other infringe on We have mutual respect I infringe on the othersmy personal space by and no infringement of personal space not taking any myself, each others personal by either taking tooor allowing the other space. much myself, or byto take too much. not letting the other

have enough.

I feel anxious, I feel good about I feel angry, self disappointed in myself myself, more self righteous and later and later often angry and confident and more guilty.resentful or depressed. free.


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S el f S el f--A ppraisal Ex erciseA ppraisal Ex erciseS el f S el f--A ppraisal Ex erciseA ppraisal Ex ercise

1. Ability to listen to others in an understanding wayNot at all able 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 completely able

2. Willingness to discuss feelings with othersCompletely unwilling 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 completely willing

3. Awareness of the feelings of othersCompletely unaware 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 completely aware

4.Understanding why I do what I doNot understanding 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 complete understanding

5. Tolerance of conflict and antagonismNot tolerant 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 tolerant


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S el f S el f--A ppraisal Ex erciseA ppraisal Ex erciseS el f S el f--A ppraisal Ex erciseA ppraisal Ex ercise

6. Acceptance of expressions of affection and warmthamong othersU ncomfortably 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Readily

7 . Acceptance of comments about my behaviour fromothersRejecting 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 welcoming

. Willingness to trust othersCompletely suspicious 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 completely trusting

9 . Ability to influence othersCompletely unable 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 completely able

10.Relationship with peersWholly competitive 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 wholly cooperative


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A ttending S killsA ttending S killsA ttending S killsA ttending S kills

1. Eye contact

2. Posture of involvement

3. Appropriate body language

4. Non-distracting environment


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A ttending S killsA ttending S killsA ttending S killsA ttending S kills

5. Notice vocal qualities (they communicate feeling)(discomfort, tone of voice, pitch, volume, rate of speech, emphasis on key words, phrases,themes)

6. Stay on track with their story byusing- door openers- sub-verbalizations (minimal encouragers)- infrequent questions- attentive silence- dont supply words


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B ody L anguageB ody L anguageB ody L anguageB ody L anguage


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4 L evels o f R e f lecting4 L evels o f R e f lecting4 L evels o f R e f lecting4 L evels o f R e f lecting

1. Reflecting content (paraphrase)

2. Reflecting feelings (mirroring)

3. Reflecting meaning (tying feelings tocontent)

4. Summarising the main themes andfeelings


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L isteningL isteningL isteningL istening

It takes two to speak the truth - one to speak,another to listen.

Henry Thoreau

Listening (what you hear) is more importantthat what is said (receiving is more important

than sending)Benjamin Disraeli


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L isteningL isteningL isteningL istening

T he wise man learns by listening .Proverbs 21.11 (TLB)

He who gives an answer before listening ,it is folly and shame to him.

Proverbs 18:13 (NASB )

Everyone should be quick to listen ,slow to speak and slow to become angry.

James 1:19 (NIV)


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T he I mportance o f T he I mportance o f

L isteningL istening

T he I mportance o f T he I mportance o f

L isteningL isteningListening is important because:

Its the way we receive information about others,self, world, relationships

It shows that you are interested and want tounderstand the other personIt enables you to connect with anothersperspective and validate how they feelIt affirms the other person and helps them feellovable, acceptable and worthwhileIt shapes our character and makes us feel secureIt bridges the space that divides and separates usfrom each other


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Why its so D iff icult Why its so D iff icult

to L istento L isten


to L istento L istenBarriers that prevent us from hearing accurately

Inattention - fatigue

(listening requires energy and effort)- in a hurry

Preoccupied

Distracted - by external noise or activity

- by inner dialogue (lacunae)Bias/Prejudice

Boredom

Information Overload


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to L istento L isten


to L istento L istenJ umping to conclusions (dont hear all the message)M aking assumptions or snap judgements

Failure to connect with the feelings/emotions

Self Consciousness (low self esteem)

Use of tactics to block communication

Words have different meanings to other peopleT he presenting problem is not always the real concern


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G ood L istening G ood L istening Why Dont People Listen? by H by Hugh M ackay

G ood L istening G ood L istening Why Dont People Listen? by H by Hugh M ackay

1. Receiving the message before we react to it

2. Resisting the temptation to be distracted by trigger words which may send you off at a tangent so that youlose the thread of your partners message

3. T hinking how can I use this information? Looking for ways to make the message relevant to your situation

4. Working hard at listening, if necessary by asking theother person to give you smaller chunks of informationto absorb


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G ood L isteningG ood L isteningG ood L isteningG ood L istening

5. Giving full attention to the total message and keepingdistractions at bay

6. Empathising with the other persons feeling and intention

7 . Reflecting on what you have heard- giving playback before feedback


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S igns o f a P oor L istener S igns o f a P oor L istener S igns o f a P oor L istener S igns o f a P oor L istener

1. Always interrupting (impatient)

2. J umps to conclusions / makesassumptions

3. Is inattentive wandering eyes, daydreaming

4. Changes the subject5. Finishes the other persons sentences


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S igns o f a P oor L istener S igns o f a P oor L istener S igns o f a P oor L istener S igns o f a P oor L istener

6. Doesnt give any response

7 . Distracts, fidgets

. Fakes attention (and ends up completely lost)


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S igns o f a G ood L istener S igns o f a G ood L istener S igns o f a G ood L istener S igns o f a G ood L istener

5. Is poised and emotionally controlled(patient, non-anxious presence)

6. Stays on the subject listens till the other isfinished disclosing


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3 K eys to A ctive L istening3 K eys to A ctive L istening3 K eys to A ctive L istening3 K eys to A ctive L istening

1. CONNEC T WIT H FEELINGSNot only hearing the words of the speaker,but hearing the feelings behind the words as well

2. E M PAT H YEmpathising with the speaker (i.e. feeling his feelingsand seeing the world through his eyes)

3. SUSPEND J UDGE M EN TSuspending your own value judgementsso that you can understand the speakersthoughts and feelings as he/she experiences them


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Ex ploring S killsEx ploring S killsEx ploring S killsEx ploring S kills

1. Questioning

2. Confronting


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P urpose o f Q uestionsP urpose o f Q uestionsP urpose o f Q uestionsP urpose o f Q uestions

1. Gather information

2. Clarify personal concerns and feelings

3. Establish goals for future action

4. Discourage unprofitable rambling

5. Clarify what is not being said


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Q uestioning T echniquesQ uestioning T echniquesQ uestioning T echniquesQ uestioning T echniques

Closed Open

T he open/closed continuum

Common startingwords to closedquestions

Is/AreHave/HasDo/Did/DoesCan

T he opening word used to frame anopen question can determine thefocus of the answer

What factsHow feelings, processesWhy reasonsWhen timeWhere locationWould/Could open focus decisions


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P urpose o f C on f rontationP urpose o f C on f rontationP urpose o f C on f rontationP urpose o f C on f rontation

1. An invitation to self examination

2. Gently holding out inconsistencies inthoughts, feelings and behaviours

3. An opportunity to explore another

viewpoint or less destructivebehaviour


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P urpose o f C on f rontationP urpose o f C on f rontationP urpose o f C on f rontationP urpose o f C on f rontation

RULES

1. Dont confront unless you intend tostay involved in the relationship

2. Assess the persons ability to acceptthe confrontation

3. Confrontation needs to be empathic,authentic, well-timed, concisely stated

4. Dont confront with non-verbal hints


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BELIEFS AND VALUES

Frustration, hurt, fear,threat to self esteem,

injustice,physical harm or injury

ANGERa Secondary Emotion

BELIEF S Y S T EM About anger as an acceptable emotion

ANGERExpressed

Constructively

ANGERExpressed

Destructively

ANGERU nexpressed

and Stored


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ANGERExpressed

Constructively

ANGERExpressed

Destructively

ANGERU nexpressed

and Stored

Hurt and fear acknowledged

Anger expressed and

resolvedNo negativefeelings left over

Forgiveness

U nresolved feelingsinternalised

Direct hostility- aggressiveness

- violence, abuseDisplaced hostility- controlling- critical/judgemental- prejudiced- addictive behaviours

Apathy- avoidance- non-participatory- non-cooperative

Free-floating hostility- easily revoked

U nresolved feelingsinternalised

Withdrawal- compliance

- submissionDepression, guilt,suicide

Physical/psychological reactions

Passive-aggressivebehaviour

Substance abuse

Boredom


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T rans f erenceT rans f erenceT rans f erenceT rans f erence

The client displaces on to the counsellor feelings, attitudes and attributesthat really belong to a relationship that the client has previously had withsomeone else in their life.The client responds to those feelings as though the counsellor was thatsignificant person in their past.

The tendency to transfer on to any current relationship those feelingsand emotions that properly belong to a previous relationship.

T ransference PatternsIdealising the counsellor

agreeing, complimenting, imitating, dreaming

Attributing supernatural powers to the counsellor expert, godlike, awe

Regarding the counsellor as provider being helpless, dependent, indecisive, asking for advice or touch

Regarding the counsellor as unimportantnever listens, changes subject, dismissive, unwilling to explore


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C ounter C ounter --T rans f erenceT rans f erenceC ounter C ounter --T rans f erenceT rans f erence

Feelings that arise from the counsellors ownunconscious needs, wishes or conflicts, that areevoked by the client and brought into thecounselling relationship. These feelings that thecounsellor transfers onto the client would bemore appropriately directed at another person,either in the present or the past. They affect the

counsellors neutrality and influence objectivity, judgement and reason


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C ounter C ounter --T rans f erenceT rans f erenceC ounter C ounter --T rans f erenceT rans f erence

Possible indications of Counter-Transference(may be either over-identification or disidentification)

1. Being preoccupied with certain clients2. Developing fantasies or dreaming about certain clients3. Altering the length of sessions or forgetting sessions

with certain clients4. Emotional withdrawal from the client cool / aloof;

distance5. Feeling uneasy during or following sessions6. Needing the approval of certain clients7. Not wanting a client to terminate8. Promising unrealistic rescue9. Not willing to explore certain issues10.Collusion with the client allows them to blame others


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C ounsellor B urnoutC ounsellor B urnoutC ounsellor B urnoutC ounsellor B urnout

The injurious effects of stressEmotional exhaustion associated withrelationships that require a high level of empathy

and concentrationBurnout results in physical or psychologicalwithdrawal and results from situations where youare exposed to prolonged periods of conflict with

no resolution. It is characterised by:Chronic low levels of energyDefensive behaviour Distancing emotionally from people


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C ounsellor B urnoutC ounsellor B urnoutC ounsellor B urnoutC ounsellor B urnout

Burnout, counter-transference and workdissatsifaction may be a mask for CompassionFatigue (C Figley, 1982)

Compassion fatigue (secondary traumaticstress) is associated with the cost of caring for others in emotional pain

an individual observing another person,experiences emotional responses parallel to thatpersons actual or anticipated emotions.


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Stage Helper Behaviour Client Behaviour

I Connecting and Attending, listening, Exploring their story

clarifying and understanding or problem

II Goal setting: Promoting new Developing newbased on dynamic perspectives and perspectives andunderstanding clarifying options setting goals

III Action: Facilitating action Acting, problemDesigning and management,implementing achieving goals

Adapted from an Egan (1982, p. 51)






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What is a C risis?What is a C risis?What is a C risis?What is a C risis?

Obstacle to life goals

Usual coping methods dont work

Followed by period of upset or disorganisation

No solutions work


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What is a C risis?What is a C risis?What is a C risis?What is a C risis?

C omponents:1. A hazardous event / situation

2. Feeling vulnerable3. Precipitating factor or incident4. Acute crisis state

a. Symptoms of distressb. Attitude of panic or defeatc. Frantic search for relief d. A time of lowered efficiency


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T ypes o f C risisT ypes o f C risisT ypes o f C risisT ypes o f C risis

1. S ituationalPremature birthRole change (unemployed, move, sacked)

Accident / illnessDeath / Loss (grieving process)SuicideDivorce / SeparationChange of religionDepressionU nresolved marital conflict (viciouscycle)


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T ypes o f C risisT ypes o f C risisT ypes o f C risisT ypes o f C risis

2 . D evelopmentalFamily lifecycle

Stages of marriageFamily problems3 . B urnout

Stages of disillusionment:

EnthusiasmStagnationFrustration

ApathyHopelessness

P h f C i iP h f C i iP h f C i iP h f C i i


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P hases o f a C risisP hases o f a C risisP hases o f a C risisP hases o f a C risis

IM PAC T PHASERise in tension

Emotional response

Shock, numbnessand fear dominate

Beliefs, values, goalsare threatened

Feel inadequate asusual problem-solving techniquesfail

Feelings of discomfort dur to lackof success in coping

CLOUDEDPHASEEverything looksblack

Cant face reality

Distorted view

Severity depends onthe difficultiesexperienced or theimportance of theevent

CRISIS

REVI TALISA T IONPHASENew perception of the event

Develop network of supportfrom people and available

resourcesU tilise and develop adequatecoping mechanisms

RESIS TANCE

PHASE

DES T RUC T IVE

PHASE


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RESIS TANCEPHASEIncreased tension results in increasedactivity

Disorganisationoccurs as tensionrises

Mobilisation of internal and externalresources

Anger andaggression,withdrawal, fear and

helplessness

DES T RUC T IVEPHASE

Fatigue sets in

System shuts down

Frustration, helplessness andregression

H t D l ithH t D l ithH t D l ithH t D l ith


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H o w to D eal w ith a H o w to D eal w ith a C risis S ituationC risis S ituationH o w to D eal w ith a H o w to D eal w ith a C risis S ituationC risis S ituation1. Connect with the person in crisis2. Diagnosis of the problem

a. What is the precipitating event?- situational or developmental- how is the event perceived

b. Present level of functioning- sleeping, eating- suspect drug dependency

- amount of distress- amount of behaviour change- amount of mood / expressiveness- amount of body pain- amount of stress level- amount of fear / ideation

H w t D l w ithH w t D l w ithH w t D l w ithH w t D l w ith


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H o w to D eal w ith a H o w to D eal w ith a C risis S ituationC risis S ituationH o w to D eal w ith a H o w to D eal w ith a C risis S ituationC risis S ituation

c. Coping Skills- what strengths used to cope?- past methods of coping

d. Life Support System- people and resources

e. Assess Risk (actual or potential)- suicide- abuse- homicidal- incest- depressive- dependent

H o w to D e l w ithH o w to D e l w ithH o w to D e l w ithH o w to D e l w ith


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3. InterventionGoals

- return person to usual level of functioning- decrease anxiety and apprehension

Strategiesa. help the individual to understand intellectually

what the CRISIS is all aboutb. help the individual to bring into the open their present feelings

- stop denial, blaming and suppression of feelings- deal with feelings of guilt and failure

H o w to D eal w ith aH o w to D eal w ith aH o w to D eal w ith aH o w to D eal w ith a


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c. Explore the individuals coping mechanism- explore options and alternatives

d. reopen them to their social worlde. negotiate the possibilities of further growth

4. Resolutiona. reinforce self-esteemb. instil hopec. Rehearse and reinforce coping mechanism


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D epressionD epressionD epressionD epression

A common mood disturbanceevidenced by feelings of sadness,

disappointment, grief and loneliness

5 C ommon S ymptoms o f5 C ommon S ymptoms o f5 C ommon S ymptoms o f5 C ommon S ymptoms o f


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5 C ommon S ymptoms o f 5 C ommon S ymptoms o f D epressionD epression5 C ommon S ymptoms o f 5 C ommon S ymptoms o f D epressionD epression

1. Low Feelings- feel sad and dejected- irritable mood- low self-esteem- Withdrawn, isolated- Feel helpless, hopeless, miserable- Prone to frequent bouts of weeping



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5 C ommon S ymptoms o f 5 C ommon S ymptoms o f D epressionD epression5 C ommon S ymptoms o f 5 C ommon S ymptoms o f D epressionD epression

2. Negative T hinking- think negative about almost everything- ruminate over past mistakes, about death

- self critical- trivial problems seem monumental

3. Poor M otivation- lack of interest or pleasure in most activities

- lack of self confidence indecisive- bored, daydreaming- want to run away and escape



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5 C ommon S ymptoms o f 5 C ommon S ymptoms o f D epressionD epression5 C ommon S ymptoms o f 5 C ommon S ymptoms o f D epressionD epression4. Change in Physical Health

- sleeping and eating patterns changed- real or imagine change in physical health- hypochondriasis- slow down in physical activity

5. M asked Reactions (Behaviour)- aggressiveness anger outbursts- hyperactivity- over achieve / under achieve- impulsiveness gambling, sex, violence, drinking

compulsiveness work harder, overeat, watch T V- neglect appearance

- sarcasm / cynicism


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C auses o f D epressionC auses o f D epressionC auses o f D epressionC auses o f D epression1. Heredity

- a family predisposition- childhood experiences

- high expectations, lack of love / rejection

2. Biochemical Imbalance- associated with a chemical imbalance in the

brain- organic causes such as:

drugs and poisonsmetabolic disturbancesinfectious diseasescancer


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C auses o f D epressionC auses o f D epressionC auses o f D epressionC auses o f D epression3. Stress

- a reaction to loss following a personaltragedy or disaster

- often associated with childbirth, menopause

or retirement4. Personality

- certain personality types are prone todepression (e.g. perfectionists, dependantpersonalities

5. Learned Helplessness- someone exposed to repeated losses or

stresses may lose optimism and feel helplessand depressed

T ypes o f D epressiveT ypes o f D epressiveT ypes o f D epressiveT ypes o f D epressive


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T ypes o f D epressive T ypes o f D epressive I llnessI llnessT ypes o f D epressive T ypes o f D epressive I llnessI llness1. Reactive Depression

- mild to severe reaction to a distressing lifesituation (e.g. loss of job, loss of close

relationship)2. Post Natal Depression

Baby Blues- occurs in 10 of mothers after childbirth

- severe post natal depression with manic or depressive symptoms


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D epressionD epressionD epressionD epression

3. Endogenous or M ajor Depression- a severe type of depression associated with a

chemical imbalance in the brain

- may lead to suicide, self harm, psychosis or delusional thinking

4. Bipolar Disorder (M anic Depression)- periods of endogenous depression

alternating with periods of mania


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R esponding to D epressionR esponding to D epressionR esponding to D epressionR esponding to D epression

1. Be Empathetic, Non-judgemental- listen to the emotions (anger, guilt)

- stay present show you care (actions speaklouder than words)- avoid being non-directive (lower anxiety and

pessimism)- dont reinforce feelings of worthlessness

- avoid confrontation (dont probe or demandaction)


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2. Assess the Severity of the Depression- how long has the person felt this way?

Discuss the current life situation to evaluatecauses (note losses, failure, rejection)

- are they on drugs or medication?- ask if they have thought of harming themselves- consider a referral

3. Build a Network of Support- involve family (without violating confidentiality)- provide encouragement / support is very

important- utilise faith resources


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4. If Necessary, Take Emergency Action- with depression, the risk of suicide is high- if suicide seems possible, intervene

immediately

5. Beware of M anipulation- depression breed dependence and demands your

attention- connect individuals to other support systems


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6. Stimulate Realistic T hinking- put events into perspective- stop ruminating and brooding- challenge negative self-talk

7 . Refer for Professional Counselling

. Remember, Recovery is a Process- when dealing with pain there is no quick way to

closure

R isk F actors A ssociatedR isk F actors A ssociatedR isk F actors A ssociatedR isk F actors A ssociated


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R isk F actors A ssociated R isk F actors A ssociated w ith S uicidew ith S uicideR isk F actors A ssociated R isk F actors A ssociated w ith S uicidew ith S uicide

1. Social Isolationliving alone, single, widowed, divorced, weak tiesto relatives and friends

2. Recent Interpersonal LossDeath of loved one, end of an importantrelationship

3. Sudden Economic DownturnU nemployment, bankruptcy



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4. Ill Health or Chronic Illness

5. Psychiatric ConditionSchizophrenia, depression, personality disorder,alcoholism or other drug abuse

6. Sense of Hopelessness

7 . Anxiety Related Symptomsexcessive worrying, severe insomnia, panic attack, lackof concentration



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8 . Impaired problem-solvingtunnel vision, inflexible thinking

9 . Previous Suicide Attempt

10. Communication of a Wish to Die

11. Family History of Suicide or Attempted Suicide


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S uicide P lanS uicide P lanS uicide P lanS uicide P lan

1. Do they have a plan?

2. Do they have access to weapons?

3. Have they attempted suicide before?

4. Are they currently seeing a therapist?(get their name, address, phone number. Ask if you can call their therapist)

5. Stay with them until help arrivesIf they leave or run away, use the informationobtained to help the police find them


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S uicide P lanS uicide P lanS uicide P lanS uicide P lan

6. Remember you can only do what youcan doYou have no power to stop someone killing themselvesif they want to do itYou are only a support


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3 T ypes o f R eactions to3 T ypes o f R eactions to3 T ypes o f R eactions to3 T ypes o f R eactions to


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3 T ypes o f R eactions to 3 T ypes o f R eactions to L ossL oss3 T ypes o f R eactions to 3 T ypes o f R eactions to L ossL oss

2. Physical Reactionsfatigueinsomnialoss of memorypoor concentrationreduced salivary flowsighingpressure in the chesttightness in the throattrembling insidenausea

3 T ypes o f R eactions to3 T ypes o f R eactions to3 T ypes o f R eactions to3 T ypes o f R eactions to


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3 T ypes o f R eactions to 3 T ypes o f R eactions to L ossL oss3 T ypes o f R eactions to 3 T ypes o f R eactions to L ossL oss

3. Behavioural Reactionswithdrawalclingingsuper philanthropydisplaced anger agitationavoidance of remindersobsessiveness with remindersengaged in many distracting activities

d G f &d G f &d G f &d G f &


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R esponding to G rie f & L ossR esponding to G rie f & L ossR esponding to G rie f & L ossR esponding to G rie f & L oss

1. Acknowledge the Loss- accept the reality of the loss

communicate your understanding of the pain

and sadness the other is experiencing- dont run away from the pain

2. Listen- without judging or offering advice

- give the person permission to grieve

3. Communicate on the Feeling Level- its okay to release feelings and experience the

pain

R d G f & LR d G f & LR d G f & LR d G f & L


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4. Remember that Integration andAcceptance Will Take T ime

- peoples moods vary

5. Encourage the person to get supportfrom close friends and relatives

6. Remind the person that you care andwill continue to be supportive in themonths ahead

R di G i f & LR di G i f & LR di G i f & LR di G i f & L


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7 . Utilise the Faith Resources of theIndividual

- encourage them to look for spiritual support

8 . Give Permission to the GrievingPerson to Stop Grieving

- treasure memories (dont avoid them)- fading memories doesnt show a lack of love

and respect- life goes on and its okay and normal to enjoy

its riches to the full- reinvest in new activities and relationships

M i D i S i lM i D i S i lM i D i S i lM i D i S i l


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M arriage D istress S ignalsM arriage D istress S ignalsM arriage D istress S ignalsM arriage D istress S ignals

1. Predictable Cycles- The same problem keeps recurring with no

agreement or resolution

2. Anger - You cant discuss the problem or issue without

one or both you getting angry

3. Abuse- Either physical or emotion abuse occurs during

the argument



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4. Sexual Apathy- Your sex life is continually unsatisfactory

(for either spouse)

5. M oney or Children- Money or children have become a divisive factor in

your relationship

6. Poor Communication- You can find nothing positive to say to each other



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7 . Devitalized- There is no excitement, passion or romance in

your relationship

8 . Decision M aking- All the decisions for the family are made by one

spouse

9 . Family Distress- Your disagreements are beginning to distress your

children


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H o w and When to M ake a H o w and When to M ake a H o w and When to M ake a H o w and When to M ake a


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R e f erralR e f erralR e f erralR e f erral

Refer at the first sign of emotional, marital or family distress.Delay can compound the problem

Providethem with the names of several qualified marriage andfamily counsellors

Suggestthat they call and request information regarding thecounsellors training, experience and fees



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Discussa marriage and family counsellors special areas of expertise with the person/s you are referring

Refer couples and / or families for counselling together

Askthe family to use your name as the one referring whenthey make their initial call to the marriage and familycounsellor



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Follow UpWith both the person and the marriage and familycounsellor


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basic helping skills for ministry leaders

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