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SELF, OTHERS AND SOCIAL CONTEXT Article

THE SIX SECONDS EQ MODEL

Joshua Freedman | Jan 27, 2010

The Six Seconds model turns emotional intelligence theory into practice for your personal and

professional life.

Emotional intelligence is the capacity to blend thinking and feeling to make optimal decisions

— which is key to having a successful relationship with yourself and others. To provide a

practical and simple way to learn and practice emotional intelligence, Six Seconds developed a

three-part model in 1997 as a process – an action plan for using emotional intelligence in daily

life.

This model of EQ-in-Action begins with three important pursuits: to become more aware

(noticing what you do), more intentional (doing what you mean), and more purposeful (doing it

for a reason).

Know Yourself

Clearly seeing what you feel and do.

Emotions are data, and these competencies allow

you to accurately collect that information.

Choose Yourself

Doing what you mean to do.

Instead of react ing “on autopi lot ,” these

competencies allow you to proactively respond.

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Emotional Intelligence (EI)

THE SIX SECONDS EQ MODEL

The Six Seconds Model of Emotional Intelligence

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Give Yourself

Doing it for a reason.

These competencies help you put your vision and mission into action so you lead on purpose

and with full integrity.

Know Yourself gives you the “what” – when you Know Yourself, you know your strengths and

challenges, you know what you are doing, what you want, and what to change.

Choose Yourself provides the “how” – it shows you how to take action, how to influence

yourself and others, how to “operationalize” these concepts.

Give Yourself delivers the “why” – when you

Give Yourself you are clear and full of energy

so you stay focused why to respond a certain way, why to move in a new direction,

and why others should come on board.

You’ll notice we present the model in a CIRCLE – it’s not a list, it’s a process!

The process works when you spin it, like a propeller moving a ship. As you move

through these three pursuits you gain positive momentum!

Plus, here’s an intro to the model by

Joshua Freedman, our CEO

Eight Competencies of Emotional Intelligence

“Under” the three pursuits live eight specific,

learnable, measurable competencies. They’re

measured through the Six Seconds Emotional

Intelligence Assessment – or SEI. Here are the eight

competencies – with definitions below:

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Six seconds model

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At the core, emotional intelligence is something to BE. By being more emotionally intelligent,

smarter with feelings, you will more accurately recognize emotions in yourself and others. This

data will help you make decisions and craft effective solutions to the “life puzzles” you face

each day. It’s also important to put it in action – hence the verbs. The three pursuits – and the

eight competencies – are actions.

Tips for Emotional Intelligence

To learn more about the model and how to use it:

1. See the links just above-right for each competency, plus…

Pursuit Competency Definition Learn MoreKnow Yourself Enhance Emotional Literacy Accurately identifying and

interpreting both simple

and compound feelings.

Emotional Literacy

Recognize Patterns Acknowledging frequently

recurring reactions and

behaviors

Recognize Patterns

Choose Yourself Apply Consequential Thinking Evaluating the costs and

benefits of your choices

ACT Articles

Navigate Emotions Assessing, harnessing, and

transforming emotions as

a strategic resource.

Navigate Emotions

Articles

Engage Intrinsic Motivation Gaining energy from

personal values &

commitments vs. being

driven by external forces.

Motivation Articles

Exercise Optimism Taking a proactive

perspective of hope and

possibility.

Exercise Optimism

Give Yourself Increase Empathy Recognizing and

appropriately responding

to others’ emotions.

Empathy Articles

Pursue Noble Goals Connecting your daily

choices with your

overarching sense of

purpose.

Noble Goals/Purpose

Articles

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Know Yourself: Tips for Self-Awareness

Choose Yourself: Tips for Choice

Give Yourself: Paradox of Giving

An overview of the model including additional links excerpt from At the Heart of Leadership:

How to Get Results with Emotional Intelligence (this book is an excellent resource for learning

about EQ and the model in leadership)

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Get Started with Emotional Intelligence

Want to learn more about emotions and emotional intelligence?

At Six Seconds, we believe emotions are valuable signals that help us survive and thrive. When

we learn how to use them, emotions help us make more effective decisions, connect with

others, find and follow purpose — and lead a more whole-hearted life.

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In simple terms, “emotional intelligence” just means being smarter with feelings. It’s about

putting together the rational and emotional so you can move forward effectively.

Emotions are part of human biology, they are chemicals that help regulate our minds and

bodies, assisting us to cope with complexities of making decisions, interacting with people, and

finding our way through life. We feel emotions to help us pay attention, and to focus our

attention. While sometimes they’re confusing, emotions are part of us, so we might as well

learn to use them well. (For more detailed definitions, see links below).

You’ve Got Emotional Intelligence – Use It!

Everyone has some emotional intelligence – here’s how to use yours. Start with these three

steps:

1. Tune in. Notice your feelings and reactions. Get off autopilot. We call this step Know

Yourself

2. Respond. Instead of reacting, give yourself a moment to de-escalate and evaluate options.

This is called Choose Yourself

3. Connect. Remember what’s truly important to you, consider others, and then move forward

with those in mind. This is Give Yourself

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At first glance, it’s really simple, right? Practice by taking a few seconds, a few times a day, to

go through those steps. You can use these three questions:

What am I feeling?

What options do I have?

What do I really want?

Tips for Emotional Intelligence

Doing it consistently is a challenge… and raises the question: What skills can I practice so that I

can do this process more effectively? Through our research and experience, we developed a

set of eight specific, learnable skills that make the process work. Here is a detailed article about

this model including an explantation of the eight competencies, and links for many tips.

KCG-model-clear

Here are a few ideas to get started. First, remember it’s a CYCLE. We might not have the

perfect awareness or identify the exact right choice, but as we go around and around this

process, it gets easier!

Know Yourself:

Everyone has feelings – all the time. What are yours? Not just the obvious ones, but the

ones hiding in the background?

Remember that emotions are data. They’re chemical signals to help us handle threats and

opportunities.

This page has a whole bunch more tips & exercises for self-awareness.

Choose Yourself:

When a situation just starts to heat up, “press the pause button.” Take a big breathe. Get

some water. Say, “Let me think about this for a moment.” There are very few situations that

actually require an instant reaction.

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Remember you have many options. Sometimes it’s hard to see those. You can change your

thoughts, engage new feelings, experiment with new actions. You might not have “the

perfect solution,” but you do have possibilities!

For more ideas about Choose Yourself, read these tips and activities for self-management.

Give Yourself:

There’s always more to the story. When people do or say something annoying, get curious:

What’s really going on here?

Your choices matter. The way you respond effects others, and effects you — so you effect

the future. What’s the effect you want to have?

For more on this, here are articles on Empathy and on Purpose

Next steps:

Read the introduction to the Six Seconds Model of Emotional Intelligence. It will explain the 3

steps in more detail, and then introduce the eight competencies.

Here is an overview of the history, “Dr. Daniel Goleman on the Origins of Emotional

Intelligence” — and a more in-depth article on the origins of EQ “Emotional WHAT?

Definitions & History of EQ”

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