Be the Change

An education and support program for

partners and family members of

people experiencing substance use issues

Developed for the ATDC by Adriene Cobcroft and Madelyn Derrick,

2016© The ATDC gratefully acknowledges the financial assistance of the

Department of Social Services in producing the Be the Change program.

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Week One:

Understanding addiction

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Introduction

Be the Change has been designed to help people who are affected by the addictive behaviours of someone close to them. This program provides an overview of substance addiction, and offers a range of tools and strategies to help you to improve your personal wellbeing and relationships through the development of effective coping strategies. Rather than focusing on the other person, Be the Change invites participants to spend some time concentrating on themselves and their own goals. Over eight sessions, the program explores ways that participants can look after themselves more effectively, even in difficult and stressful circumstances, and establish healthier relationships with other people in their lives. This session will focus on addiction and the way substances interact with human bodies and brains. We will focus our thinking on the experience of the person with the addiction. Following sessions will focus on your own experience.

“Be the change you wish to see in the world…”

– Mahatma Gandhi

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Be the Change aims to provide a safe environment for participants to learn new skills and to share personal experiences. It is important that you trust that your group facilitator and other participants will respect your personal experience, information and privacy. Be the Change recognises that being in a close relationship with someone who is struggling with an addiction can be frustrating, painful and sometimes lonely. Be the Change provides a supportive environment in which people can share stories and experience with other people who live in similar situations.

Confidentiality

Be the Change creates a group environment, in which we encourage participants to talk about their personal situations in order to gain insight and shared perspectives. It is important that all participants respect privacy and maintain confidentiality of other group members’ personal information. Each participant needs to feel safe that all other members of the group and the group facilitator will respect their privacy by keeping their personal information confidential. If you have any questions about group confidentiality please ask the group facilitator.

Guidelines

In order to create and maintain a safe confidential environment we encourage you to stick to the following guidelines:

Groups will start and finish on time

Mobile phones to be switched off during session times unless you are expecting an important call, in which case please turn ring volume down and quietly excuse yourself from the group

Group members can participate in group discussion as much or as little as they feel comfortable with; it is helpful but not necessary to join group conversations

Confidentiality and

Group Guidelines

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One group member to speak at a time

Don’t interrupt other group members who are speaking

Be mindful of how long you speak for during group time. We want everyone to have a fair amount of time

Stay focused on the topic for the session. It is easy to become distracted and side-tracked!

If you feel uncomfortable or triggered at all during or after a session, please

alert the group facilitator and/or discuss with an appropriate support person

Maintain confidentiality outside of the group

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Iceberg Model

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Cycle of Addiction

Awareness of the Cycle of Addiction can help the user and their support people to plan for healthier choices by identifying warning signs and replacing unhealthy behaviours and coping strategies with healthier ones.

Emotional Pain - entry phase

Emotional pain is unpleasant for all people. We all have different strategies that we use to cope with emotional pain. People who struggle with addiction use substances as their coping strategy. These people enter the cycle of addiction when they feel emotionally triggered. The trigger can be anything that consciously or unconsciously activates emotional pain.

Craving

When a person experiences emotional pain they automatically use their usual coping strategy to help them to process their feelings. Craving is the sensation experienced when the coping strategy involves an external factor such as drugs or alcohol. The person feels an overwhelming desire to use their substance of choice in order to mediate emotional pain.

Preoccupation

Craving for drugs or alcohol to mediate emotional pain drives the individual’s thoughts and behaviours towards using. At this stage seeking out the substance

Emotional pain

Craving for relief

Preoccupation with substance

Using

Consequences

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becomes the person’s highest priority, eclipsing other obligations and motivations. Preoccupation with seeking and obtaining the substance usually lasts until the substance is successfully obtained.

Using

Once the substance(s) are obtained the person enacts their using ritual, consuming the substance in their usual manner. Obtaining and using the substance relieves cravings and emotional pain for a short period of time.

Consequences

After the initial positive effects of substance use have passed, the user enters a withdrawal phase, experiencing a variety of negative consequences, including some or all of the following: depression, anxiety, stress, shame, guilt, physical pain, unpleasant body sensations, tiredness, hunger, further emotional pain, behavioural consequences, conflict in relationships, existential crisis, mental health problems, neglected obligations, low self-esteem, legal problems… The user returns to the beginning of the cycle while feeling like this, craving more of the substance to mediate their original feelings and the enhanced negative feelings produced by the cycle of substance use.

Cycle of Change

This model can be applied to any change in any person’s life. Knowledge of the cycle of change can support you to understand why other people don’t choose to change when you can see that change might be useful and healthy for them.

Prochaska and DiClimente’s Stages of Change

Pre-contemplation

Contemplation

Preparation

Action

Maintenance

Lapse/Relapse

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Pre-Contemplation

The cycle of change begins with a lack of awareness regarding the potential change. Pre-contemplation refers to a time before the person begins to think about change. At this stage the person entering the cycle of change experience consequences of staying the same, and/or receive advice to change from friends, family or other support people.

Contemplation

Contemplation refers to the thought process of considering change. The individual becomes aware of reasons to change, and weighs up the pros and cons of changing or staying the same.

Preparation

At this stage the decision to change has been made. The individual seeks out support, knowledge and materials, using this time to prepare for the change to come. The individual may start to experiment with change behaviours, supported by research and helpers.

Action

The action stage signals a change in the approach to change. The individual knows how to make the change and takes charge of change behaviours. Change behaviours are deliberate and take significant work at this stage.

Maintenance

During the maintenance stage the individual enacts and gains mastery over new behaviours, which feel more habitual and require less deliberate work. Change feels more comfortable and easy at this stage.

Lapse/Relapse

Lapsing and/or relapsing are a common aspect of the cycle of change. Old behaviours and attitudes can re-emerge when faced with emotional or situational crises. A lapse or relapse signals a temporary or significant return to original behaviours and attitudes.

Upward Spiral

The good news about lapsing and/or relapsing is that once a change has been enacted once it is easier to move around the cycle of change. The individual has gained knowledge and established supportive relationships that enable them to embrace the change faster and more easily than the first time.

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Lapsing & Relapsing

Lapsing

Lapsing is a temporary break from change thoughts and behaviours in which the

individual uses old coping strategies to manage their current situation. A lapse involves using behaviours that conflict with the individual’s thinking about their change. Lapsing is generally a short term state.

Relapsing

A relapse is a return to pre-change thinking and behaviour. The relapsing individual can no longer see the value of change. A relapse is more profound than lapsing, but not necessarily permanent. We will further discuss lapsing and relapsing in session 4.

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Week Two:

Change

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Reasons to Change

It generally seems right to jump in and help when people that we care for experience difficulties. In most cases we feel positive when supporting other people and helping them to overcome hurdles and challenges. However if the other person is continually behaving in ways that result in problems, it can be an exhausting and challenging experience to support them. It can seem that people with addictions are continually making choices that result in problems. That person’s problems tend to become the focus of the relationship, interfering with your energy and commitments. Their behaviour tends to contribute to you and your family’s stress, and reduces your ability to cope with everyday life. If your efforts to support the person with the addiction result in their increased wellbeing and an end to their problems, then your efforts have been valuable and effective and you’re probably feeling positive about the relationship. If however, you feel that you are continually spending time and energy supporting the other person with no visible improvements in their situation – or worse, a continual downhill slide – you are probably feeling frustrated and a bit hopeless. When faced with problems we all use coping strategies to navigate our way through our feelings and physical aspects of the situation. Examples of unhealthy coping strategies can include:

Problem solving

Telling them how to change

Begging for change

Cleaning up the mess

Bailing them out

Controlling

Bribing

Supporting them financially

Protecting the person

Supplying their habit

Rescuing them

Obsessively worrying about the person

Trying harder

Blaming yourself

Hoping/praying for change

Talking about them

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Can you think of any unhealthy coping strategies that you have used in relation to the person you support with their addiction issue? ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… …………………………………………………………………………………………………

How effective have these coping strategies been at changing the other person’s

situation?

………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… How long have any changes that you have contributed to lasted? …........................... ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… …………………………………………………………………………………………………

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Weighing up the Pros and Cons

Before it is possible to bring about effective change it is necessary to consider and weigh up all aspects of your situation. You need to prepare your thoughts to ensure that you feel comfortable transitioning through change. Using a decisional balance chart helps to organise your thoughts so that you ensure that you have considered all aspects of the potential change. A change that I would like to consider in my relationship with the person with the addiction is: ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… …………………………………………………………………………………………………

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Decisional Balance

The upper squares allow you to weigh up the pros and cons of making the proposed change. The lower squares allow you to weigh up the pros and cons of remaining the same as you are now. Using the change identified in the question above, write your thoughts in each square on the decisional balance chart on the next page.

While completing the decisional balance chart you may have noticed that some squares were easier to fill than others. You might find that your answers clearly point you in the direction of change – or of staying the same. The ease with which you filled the squares equals your level of motivation to change. You might, however, have discovered that although most of your answers pointed in one direction or another, that there was a particular point that is a clear ‘deal breaker’ for you. In other words, if you discover that there is a point that you are not willing to compromise on, then that is a clear directive for how to make your decision.

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For example, if your change question is “Should I stop giving my other person money to pay their bills”, you might be motivated by reasons such as financial strain and feelings of frustration, however you might fear that if you stop providing money for rent the person will become homeless and that is unacceptable to you. This may (or may not) be a deal breaker for you. There are no right or wrong answers when it comes to learning about yourself. It is important to be aware of your thinking so that you can make decisions in line with your values that you won’t regret later.

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Motivation to Change

In relation to the change that you explored through your decisional balance, mark on the scales below where you are currently in your motivation to change, where 0 is completely unmotivated and 10 is completely motivated. How important is it to make this change? 0---------1---------2---------3---------4---------5---------6---------7---------8---------9---------10

Not motivated to change Motivated to Change

How confident am I to make this change?

0---------1---------2---------3---------4---------5---------6---------7---------8---------9---------10

Not motivated to change Motivated to Change

Goal Setting

Once you have decided that you wish to make a change, the next step is to plan effectively to ensure that your change happens to the best of your abilities. Understanding how you would like your change to occur helps to identify where you are heading, and the steps you will need to complete in order to get there. We will look at planning and goal setting in more detail in session 5.

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Goal Setting Worksheet

Short Term Goals Short Term Goals are simple goals that can be achieved in a short time period with relatively few steps. Short term goals might have an agenda of providing temporary relief from a situation or can be small steps towards a bigger goal. Long Term Goals Long term goals are more complex to achieve, taking a long time period and consisting of many smaller elements. Long term goals represent profound change. A short term goal I would like to achieve in my relationship with the person with the addiction is: ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… This change is important because: ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… The steps I need to take to achieve this goal are:

1. …………………………………………………………………………………………..

2. …………………………………………………………………………………………..

3. …………………………………………………………………………………………..

4. …………………………………………………………………………………………..

5. …………………………………………………………………………………………..

Things that might get in the way of me achieving this goal are: ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… …………………………………………………………………………………………………

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I will know my goal has been achieved when:

………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… A long term goal I would like to make in my relationship is: ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… This change is important because: ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… The steps I need to take to achieve this goal are:

1. …………………………………………………………………………………………..

2. …………………………………………………………………………………………..

3. …………………………………………………………………………………………..

4. …………………………………………………………………………………………..

5. …………………………………………………………………………………………..

Things that might get in the way of me achieving this goal are: ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… I will know my goal has been achieved when: ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………….

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Week Three:

Wellbeing

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Energy Bank Balance

Healthy Relationships

All people in a healthy relationship give and receive energy. Energy can be

transferred via verbal or non-verbal communication, actions, gift giving, and helping with responsibilities. This might be as simple as supportive eye contact, a smile, a hug or something larger like taking someone out to lunch or on a holiday, mowing the lawn or buying a present. Imagine the containers below are two people in relationship. You can see that their energy levels (shaded) are equal because they both give and receive energy from each other.

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Unhealthy Relationships

People in unhealthy relationships lose energy. There are many ways that this can

happen. If you feel that you have been giving away your energy to another person but they always seem to need more, you are probably losing energy. This can easily happen when you’re in relationship with a person with an addiction Imagine the containers below are two people in relationship. You can see that their energy levels (shaded) are both very low. One person is giving energy to the other and that energy is leaking out.

Drugs /Addiction Mental Health Issues

Crime Money Problems

Lack of Communication Suffering Violence

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The DASS21

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Stress, Anxiety and Mood

Stress

Stress is a feeling of unease that we experience when we think that there are demands on us, but we don’t believe we have the resources to meet them. Examples include:

You don’t have enough money to pay your phone bill

You won’t get to your appointment on time because there is a traffic jam

You don’t have the knowledge to pass the test you have to complete

You don’t believe you have what is needed to solve your relationship problems

It is important to remember that stress results from what we perceive to be the demands on us, and what we perceive our resources to be. Stress can often be a positive thing, in that it can let us know when we need to act! We may act to reduce the demands we perceive (e.g. calling and letting someone know you are running late, or asking to complete the test after you’ve had more time to study). Or we may act to increase our perceived resources (e.g. enquiring about paying by instalments, or getting some advice from a trusted friend). Stress becomes problematic if it is too intense, or goes on for too long. Then it can leave us feeling overwhelmed or fatigued, and we may find it hard to concentrate and problem-solve. If you get to this point, it can be useful to ask a support person for help.

Anxiety

You know you have anxiety when you feel excessive worry or fear. Sometimes you also experience obsessive thoughts, or a strong desire to avoid certain things or situations. Physical symptoms can include:

restlessness

a racing heart

fast breathing

shaking

chest pains

panic attacks

sweating Everyone experiences anxiety from time to time. If it seems to be happening a lot, and you find it starting to impact on how you live your life and the decisions you make, it is helpful to chat to your GP or another support person about it.

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Depression

Depression is characterised by feeling low or numb, struggling to find motivation to do things, and a pattern of negative thinking. Some people experiencing depression find that they don’t want to be around other people, or don’t find anything enjoyable anymore. Feeling low is part of the normal ups and downs of our emotional experience, however if it goes on for too long it can start to negatively impact on your relationships, work and physical health. Chatting to your GP or a support person can set you on the path towards turning your mood around.

Getting help Stress, anxiety and depression can be effectively managed using a range of techniques, particularly cognitive behavioural therapy. You will learn more about this in the next session. The best place to start is to have a chat with your GP.

The following websites contain useful resources for understanding and managing

stress, anxiety and depression:

www.beyondblue.org.au/

www.au.reachout.com/

www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/

www.mycompass.org.au/

www.sane.org/

The following helplines are available for you to chat to someone on the phone about

your wellbeing:

Sane – 1800 187 263

Beyond blue - 1300 22 4636

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Wellbeing questions

What feelings do you notice in yourself when your wellbeing is low? ………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………….. What thoughts do you have when your wellbeing is low? ………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………….. What behaviours do you do when your wellbeing is low? ………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………….. …………………………………………………………………………………………………..

What have you done in the past to improve your wellbeing when you have felt this

way?

………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………….. …………………………………………………………………………………………………..

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Week Four:

Self-Care Strategies & CBT

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Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT)

CBT can help to improve your experience of life and relationships through increasing your awareness of the relationships between your thoughts, feelings and behaviours.

CBT focuses on two key areas:

Modifying thoughts (or cognitions), and

Changing behaviours There are various techniques and approaches used to achieve these changes. Modifying thoughts can happen as a result of learning to recognise or ‘catch’

unhelpful thoughts and beliefs, and replacing them with more helpful thoughts and beliefs. Changing behaviours is a useful way of responding more appropriately to

situations. Behavioural change can improve personal wellbeing and relationships. Behavioural changes may include:

Confronting situations that we fear

Using assertive communication and behaviours

Relaxation techniques

Problem solving

Goal setting

Exercise

Social support activities

Planning and scheduling

Thoughts

FeelingsBehaviours

Situation

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Challenging Unhelpful Thinking

We all have helpful and unhelpful thoughts that motivate us to think and behave in ways that aren’t healthy. It can be difficult to know which thoughts are which and how to identify and change your unhelpful thoughts into more helpful ones.

The first step is to recognise, or ‘catch’ unhelpful thoughts. If you notice a

thought that you think might be unhelpful, name it up to yourself.

For example: “Sally’s problems are more important than mine”

The next step is to challenge the thought with a series of questions to ‘test’

whether the thought is helpful or unhelpful. You can use the three tests model to challenge your thoughts.

If you decide that the thought is unhelpful, you need to replace the unhelpful thought with a more helpful thought. You will find that the more helpful thought supports you to behave in more healthy and appropriate ways.

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Three Test Model

The three tests are questions to help you to think about your situation in different ways. Applying the tests to any situation helps us to reach rational and accurate

conclusions.

Our emotions are driven by our thoughts, or ‘self-talk’. If our self-talk is calming and positive, our emotional state will be calmer, and we will be less likely to jump to conclusions.

1. Detective test

What are all the possible options to explain this situation?

2. Courtroom test

Is there enough evidence to support what I’m thinking? Or am I making assumptions? Is there evidence that goes against what I am thinking?

3. Best mate test

If it was my best mate saying these thoughts, what would I say to them?

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How to Respond to a Lapse or Relapse in a

Person with an Addiction

Lapse

If the person with the addiction is in recovery and has a slip-up, you will recognise that it is a lapse if they express thoughts and feelings of regret, making statements that reflect that they are still thinking in terms of recovery instead of using. For example: “I’m such an idiot, I didn’t even want to use” “I don’t even know why I did it” “Using doesn’t feel good anymore” When you recognise a lapse it is useful to support the person in their recovery. Lapsing is an opportunity for the other person to learn that using is no longer a helpful strategy for them to use when things become difficult. Supporting their return to recovery strategies and behaviours is a smart use of your energy. Helping them to develop or referring to an existing lapse management plan can be helpful at this stage. Be mindful that you as a support person look after your own wellbeing as well as looking after the other person!

Relapse

If the person with the addiction has been in recovery and has a slip-up, you will recognise that it is a relapse if they return to pre-recovery thinking and behaviours, making statements that reflect a return to using. For example: “Recovery was a waste of time” “Using is the only thing that makes me feel normal” “I can’t help it, it’s just who I am”

When you recognise a relapse it is a sign that supporting the other person might not be the best use of your resources. At this stage, you can choose to give support and energy to the other person simply because you care for them. If, however you are hoping that the support you are offering will change their behaviour you are probably using unrealistic thinking and setting yourself up for failure.

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Your Lapse or Their Lapse?

It can be difficult to distinguish between a lapse in the person with the addiction and your own lapse in relation to their behaviour. If the person with the addiction is in recovery it can be easy to assume that the changes you have made in your thoughts and behaviours towards that person have been successful because the whole situation has improved. If, however, the other person lapses or relapses it can be confronting to you, triggering a return to your original pre-change thoughts and behaviours. Coping with the other person’s lapse is generally easier for support people because your behaviour can be actively supportive of the other person, helping you to feel useful. Coping with the other person’s relapse can be very challenging for support people, often resulting in your lapse because the urge to help and solve the other person’s problem is a powerful habit. Considering the changes that you identified and explored in session two, you are probably aware that there are few benefits of supporting the other person’s using behaviour and many disadvantages. If you identify a return to pre-change behaviours towards the other person in yourself, if can be helpful to develop or refer to a lapse management plan.

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Lapse Management

Planning Template

A lapse is a temporary return to behaviours that were habitual prior to deciding to change. Lapses can be avoided or managed through awareness and effective planning. What are the external factors that originally triggered the behaviours you are changing? (Eg. Being asked for money, being told distressing information etc)

………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… …………………………………………………………………………………………………

What is the change you have decided to make? ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… What are the reasons you have decided to change? (You can refer to your decisional balance from week 2) ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… What are the benefits of making this change? ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… …………………………………………………………………………………………………

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What would you be thinking if you were likely to return to original habitual behaviours? ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… What would you be thinking if you resisted the urge to return to original habitual behaviours? ……………………………………………………………………………………………….. ……………………………………………………………………………………………….. ……………………………………………………………………………………………….. Who are the people who you can talk to and/or ask for support from regarding this change? ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… …………………………………………………………………………………………………

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Week Five:

Self-Care Strategies & Planning

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What is the difference between a

solvable problem and a worry?

Worry

A worry - or anxiety - is a thought that enters your mind about a negative possible future event. It is normal for worries to occur, however a worry becomes problematic when it repeatedly reoccurs, and occupies a significant amount of your time and emotional energy. Essentially, a worry is a type of repetitive negative thinking that is very difficult to escape from. Examples: “What if my daughter/son/partner/friend/etc. loses their job because they use drugs or alcohol” “What if my daughter/son/partner/friend/etc’s drug use causes an overdose” “What if my daughter/son/partner/friend/etc. doesn’t have enough money to pay their bills” Worries are ‘what if’ types of thinking about things that are outside of your control. Problematic worry is generally considered to be anxiety. Some of the tools you are learning in this group are helpful for managing anxiety. If you are interested in further anxiety management skills, please talk to your group facilitator or seek help from a qualified mental health professional.

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Solvable Problem

A solvable problem is different to a worry. It exists currently in the actual world you live in (sometimes worries don’t!), and you will have concrete evidence of your problem. You might be worried about the problem BUT there is something you can do about it. Examples: “My daughter/son/partner/friend/etc. repeatedly leaves the kitchen in a mess” “I have $1,000.00 worth of bills but only $600.00 to pay them until next month” “My car won’t start and I need it to drive to work” Problem solving is an effective and flexible approach to achieving the best possible outcome for your problem. Problem solving will help you to identify your problem, brainstorm the most effective ways of managing the problem, create and execute your plan and review to check that you are satisfied with the outcome.

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Problem Solving Model

Before launching into problem solving, ask yourself: Is the problem currently happening in my life and is there something I can do something about it? If the answer is yes, you can use the problem solving model to solve your problem.

Step 1: Identify/Define Problem

Objectively describe your problem, being specific about behaviour, situation, timing, and circumstances.

Step 2: Brainstorm

List all the possible solutions to the problem that you can think of. List everything, including the most obvious and the most creative solutions. Ask other people for help with ideas if you’re stuck.

Step 3: Evaluate/Identify preferred options

Evaluate the advantages and disadvantages of each solution. Identify the solutions that you are most willing to try and rank them in order, starting with the ones you think will have highest chance of success, moving through to the lower ranked ‘back-up’ plan options.

Step 4: Create your Plan

Using the solutions that you have identified, list them in the order that makes the most sense to you, starting with the most highly ranked. Make sure that you feel comfortable with your plan and make any adjustments that you think are necessary. If appropriate, discuss and practice your plan with supportive friends and family.

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Step 5: Execute your Plan

Carry out your plan.

Step 6: Review

Evaluate the effectiveness of your plan. If your plan was successful, congratulate yourself. If your plan wasn’t completely successful, return to the brainstorming stage and repeat the process. Can you identify a solvable problem in your relationship with the person with an addiction? ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… …………………………………………………………………………………………………

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Goal Setting with the SMARTER model

Effective planning requires attention to detail, which can be easily managed by thinking through the SMARTER model. Use the SMARTER model as a framework to ensure that you have carefully thought through each aspect of your plan.

Specific

Measurable

Achievable

Realistic

Timely

Ethical

Recorded

Can you identify a change that you want to achieve in your relationship with the person with an addiction? ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… …………………………………………………………………………………………………

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Homework: Problem Solving Worksheet

Step 1 – Identify/Define the Problem

What is the problem? …………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… When does the problem occur? ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… Who does the problem affect? ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… What have you done so far/What do you usually do when this problem happens? ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… …………………………………………………………………………………………………

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Step 2 - Brainstorm

List all of the possible solutions to the problem that you and your support people can think of. Use a white/blackboard, sticky notes, voice recording, or whatever helps you to think creatively. ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… …………………………………………………………………………………………………

Step 3 - Evaluate/Identify preferred options

Using the following questions, weigh up each solution you identified during your brainstorm and give each solution a rank out of 10, where 1 has a low chance of success and 10 has the highest chance of success.

How successful do I think this solution will be?

How willing am I to try this solution?

What are the pros of this solution?

What are the cons of this solution?

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Ranking List your preferred solutions:

Ranking #

Solution

Step 4 - Create your plan

Develop a plan using the solutions you have ranked most highly. ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… If appropriate, discuss and practice your plan with supportive friends and family.

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Step 5 - Execute your plan

Carry out your plan.

Step 6 - Review

Did my plan have the outcome I had hoped for? ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… If yes, congratulations! If not, redefine the problem and repeat the problem solving model.

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Homework: Change Plan worksheet

1. Identify issue

2. Establish goals.

3. Create plan using SMARTER model

4. Enact plan

5. Review plan, make changes if necessary

Specific:

What do you want to achieve? Your goal statement should include who what why where and when of your plan. ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… …………………………………………………………………………………………………

Measurable:

How will I know when I have achieved my goal? ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… …………………………………………………………………………………………………

Achievable:

Do I have everything I need to achieve my goal? ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… …………………………………………………………………………………………………

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Realistic:

Is my goal within my reach or am I trying to achieve something beyond my capability? ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… …………………………………………………………………………………………………

Timely:

What is the time-frame for my plan? When I start? When will I finish? How long will it take? ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… …………………………………………………………………………………………………

Ethical:

Does my plan match my values and ethics? Do I feel comfortable about the plan? ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… …………………………………………………………………………………………………

Recorded:

It is important to record your plan before you start to make your plan visible and increase your chance of success.

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Week Six: Relationships,

Communication & Assertiveness

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Communication Styles

Passive

………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… …………………………………………………………………………………………………

Aggressive

………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… …………………………………………………………………………………………………

Passive Aggressive

………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… …………………………………………………………………………………………………

Assertive

………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… …………………………………………………………………………………………………

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Assertive Communication Techniques

Basic Assertion

Basic assertion uses “I statements” to express our needs, wants, beliefs, opinions or feelings. Basic assertion can be used in any situation. Examples: “I feel angry” “I like it when you’re sober” “I need time to think about that before I can answer”

Empathic Assertion

Empathy is the skill of understanding how another person feels and what they need or want to happen in a situation. In other words, empathy is ‘putting yourself in another person’s shoes’. You can use empathic assertion when your position conflicts with what you think the other person needs or wants, and yet you want to express that you understand and are sensitive to their needs or wants. Examples: “I understand that drinking alcohol is important to you, but it would be better if you waited until after grandma leaves” “I know that you don’t earn much money, but I’d appreciate it if you paid the rent on time” “I appreciate that you find it annoying doing housework but it would be good if you could do your washing up because we’ve run out of clean cups”

Negative Feelings Assertion

Negative feelings assertion helps you to communicate the negative feelings you are experiencing in relation to another person in a clear, calm and controlled manner. Negative feelings assertion is a helpful alternative to arguing or avoiding a situation.

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Again, “I statements” are the simplest way to make sure that you are taking responsibility for your part in the interaction while asserting your needs. There are four steps to negative feelings assertive statements:

1. Describe the other person’s behaviour in an objective non-judgmental way “When you...

2. Describe the impacts of the other person’s behaviour on you “I have to…

3. Describe your feelings “I feel…

4. Suggest alternative behaviours that you would prefer the other person to do instead “I would prefer it if you…

Examples: “When you arrive home late, the dinner I prepared gets cold and I feel unappreciated. I would prefer it if you could call me to let me know if you’re going to be home late”. “When you visit me and the first thing you say is that you want to borrow money, I feel disappointed that you only see me as a money lender. I would like it if you didn’t ask me for money and visited me because you want to spend time with me”. “When you use drugs and avoid me I don’t know how to communicate with you. It makes me feel confused and worried for your wellbeing. I wish you would tell me what you’re feeling and how I can help”.

Broken Record

The broken record technique involves you saying the same thing repeatedly when the other person doesn’t respect your point of view. The broken record technique helps you to say no in a way that explains your position while maintaining a boundary with the other person. This technique helps you to stay calm and confident because you have already know what you will say, no matter what the other person says back to you. Examples: Carlos: “Can I borrow $100 from you?” Anya: “No I’m sorry, I can’t spare the money”

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Carlos: “I’ll pay you back on Wednesday when I get paid” Anya: “Sorry Carlos, I can’t spare the money” Carlos: “Please? I really need it because I won’t have any food until Wednesday if you don’t lend it to me” Anya: “I’m sorry Carlos, I can’t spare the money” Maggie: “Can you look after the kids for me for a couple of hours?” Tanya: “I’m sorry, I have work to do” Maggie: “But I’ve got some appointments in town and I can’t take the kids” Tanya: “Sorry Maggie, I have work to do and I can’t do it with your kids here” Maggie: “What am I going to do? I really need your help” Tanya: “I can’t look after your children now because I’ve got work to do. If you need my help you need to ask me ahead of time” Roger: “Can Bill and Kev come over for a few bevvies?” May: “We’ve already discussed this. Bill and Kev always get into fights when they drink. They’re not welcome here” Roger: “We’re only planning on having a few drinks then we’re going to head down to the TAB for a spin” May: “I’m sorry, Bill and Kev aren’t welcome here” Roger: “They won’t be here long, don’t be a bitch” May: “Bill and Kev aren’t welcome here. I’m sticking to our plan”

Consequence Assertion

Consequence assertion is the strongest assertive technique and also the most challenging to get right. Consequence assertion is used when the other person hasn’t responded to earlier assertive communication and you need to assert consequences for their behaviours. It is easy for consequence assertion to appear aggressive so you need to be careful to keep your non-verbal communication calm and focused.

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Examples: “I’m not prepared to continue living with your dirty washing on the bathroom floor. If you leave it there I will throw it in the bin” “If you don’t pay me the money I lent you last month I won’t lend you money again” “If you continue to use drugs in the house I will have no option but to change the locks”

Discrepancy Assertion

A discrepancy is the difference between two things. We use discrepancy assertion to point out the difference between what has been said or done in the past and what is being said or done in the present. Examples: “You said that you didn’t want to use drugs any more, and now you’re high” “You put that money aside to pay your rent and now you’ve spent it on alcohol” “I know that I have been okay with you smoking in the house in the past, but now I’d like you to smoke outside”

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Improving Your Assertiveness

Communicating assertively allows you to communicate in a direct and honest way that is respectful of both yourself and the other person. There are no guarantees that communicating assertively will change the other person’s behaviour or point of view. Assertive communication gives you the opportunity of voicing your position and it gives the other person the opportunity to understand you and respond to your

needs. Assertive communication is the most appropriate communication style if you feel safe and wish to maintain a healthy and respectful relationship with the other person. There might be times when it is not necessary or appropriate to use assertive communication, for example:

If the other person is intoxicated they are not in a rational headspace, and don’t

have the ability to respond in a clear conscious manner. They may not even remember the conversation you had. If you need to communicate with an intoxicated person, basic assertion skills can be helpful. If the other person is being violent and abusive it is best to stay out of their way as much as possible. Passive verbal and non-verbal communication might be the

simplest way to keep yourself safe. Increasing your self-awareness and learning assertive communication skills help to support assertive verbal and non-verbal behaviour.

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Tips for using assertive communication

Chose the time and place for your communication carefully. The most effective communication happens when both you and the other person(s) are feeling calm and alert. It is not always possible to find a time when this happens, so choose a time when the other person is most likely to be receptive.

For example: If the other person has a pattern of drinking all afternoon,

becoming increasingly intoxicated until they pass out at night, then waking feeling grumpy and hungover you might find that the best time for communicating with them might be after one or two drinks but before 3 or 4 drinks.

Match your nonverbal behaviour to your verbal communication. If your nonverbal communication conveys a different message to your verbal communication you are at risk of communicating in a passive-aggressive, aggressive or passive manner, and not being taken seriously. For example: If you are verbally communicating that you wish to make a

change in the relationship but you use passive body language and tone of voice, the other person will be less likely to take you seriously.

Be aware of any unhelpful thinking that might get in the way of asserting your boundaries. Use thought challenging and/or the three tests to check your thinking. For example: “If I don’t lend them money then they won’t be able to pay their bills”

Be clear about what you want to communicate before you start to communicate with the other person. It can help to practice saying what you want to communicate. You can do this in front of the mirror, with a voice recording device or with a supportive friend.

Be careful to keep your message clear. Don’t try to communicate everything you would like to say to the person at the one time. It is much easier for people to understand the importance of a message if it is communicated in a clear manner in bite size pieces.

For example: If you want to communicate that you want the other person to practice safe drug use and you want them to tidy up after themselves and you want them to let you know if they will be home late from work, choose one of these topics to discuss at a single time.

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Assertiveness Hierarchy

An assertiveness hierarchy will help you to organise and prioritise the situations that you would like to become more assertive in.

Step 1:

Write a list of situations in which you would like to improve your level of assertiveness. Situation Rank (1 – 10) ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… …………………………………………………………………………………………………

Step 2:

Give each situation on your list a rank from 1-10, where 1 is relatively easy to improve and 10 is most difficult to improve. For example: Asking my son to tidy up his bedroom (Rank 1) Telling the waitress at the café that my coffee is not hot enough (Rank 5) Telling my husband that I don’t want him to drink alcohol at home any more (Rank 10)

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Step 3:

Identify unhelpful thinking that you have in relation to the situation. For example: “The waitress will think I’m fussy if I ask her to bring me a warmer coffee”

Step 4:

Challenge and replace your unhelpful thinking. For example: “I am paying for the coffee, and it is my right to have hot coffee the way I like it” “Each customer likes coffee to be a certain way. I am not the only person who has ever asked for my coffee to be changed” “The waitress is just doing her job. She probably won’t even remember me at the end of the day”

Step 5:

Identify and replace unhelpful behaviour with more helpful behaviour. For example: I didn’t ask for extra hot coffee when I ordered/Ask for extra hot coffee when ordering. I didn’t check my coffee when the waitress handed it to me/Check the temperature of the coffee while the waitress is still at your table so that you can notify her immediately if the coffee isn’t how you like it. Call waitress back to your table to request a change if you need to. Use assertive communication strategies. This step is where your rankings can really help. Start off with replacing your behaviour in the situations that you ranked as easier (rank one being the easiest). As you have success, and your confidence grows, work your way ‘up’ your rankings.

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Step 6:

Rehearse and practice. If you don’t feel comfortable with your new assertive thoughts and behaviours, it helps to practice in a comfortable place with people you feel safe and accepted by. For example: Ask your best friend to pretend to be the waitress at the café and practice asking for extra hot coffee and/or asking for your coffee to be replaced. Once you have practiced a few times it will be much easier for you to use your new thinking and behaviours in the actual situation. It can help to practice using your new skills with people or in situations with lower difficulty ranking than your target change. For example: Before you ask your husband to stop drinking alcohol at home, practice changing your thoughts and behaviours in your lower ranked assertive communication situations such as asking your son to tidy his bedroom or the waitress at the café to replace your coffee.

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Week Seven: Relationships,

Boundaries & Safety

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Types of safety

Physical Safety

Physical safety relates to the safety of your body, the bodies of people around you, your material possessions and your environment. All kinds of physical violence and abuse, including sexual violence, are unacceptable and are a criminal offence. Abuse can be perpetrated by:

Young people

Old people

Spouses

Parents

Siblings

Strangers

Friends

Associates

Animals

Enemies

Loved ones If you or someone you know is in a relationship of any kind with someone who behaves in a physically abusive way towards you or your friends or family, it is important to put boundaries in place to stay safe. If the other person is more abusive than you can manage on your own or with your current support network you may need to seek protection from police and the justice system. You can apply for a restraining order or a family violence order. If the police are involved in a domestic violence situation, they may make a police family violence order. Please refer to the safety service referral list at the end of this session’s notes for details of support services and free legal assistance.

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Mental and Emotional Safety

Mental and emotional abuse is less obvious than physical abuse, and can be difficult to identify. Mental and Emotional abuse can include:

Threats

Yelling

Swearing

Bullying

Name calling

Lying

Manipulation

Neglect

Betraying trust

Humiliation

Infidelity

The silent treatment

Overpowering

Controlling

Coercion

Isolating you from others

Sarcasm

If you feel uncomfortable about the way another person treats you or the way you feel about yourself when you are in the company of another person, you may be receiving mental or emotional abuse. It is important to seek support and put boundaries in place for protection. A healthy support network might include family members, friends, colleagues, neighbours and professionals. It is important that your support network consists of people who you trust to care for your safety. Please refer to the safety service referral list at the end of this session’s notes for details of support services and free legal assistance.

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Economic or Financial Safety

Feeling financially secure is important for our health and wellbeing. Money represents the availability of consistent food, shelter, resources and access to social interactions via school, work and entertainment. In this way, money is power. In the absence of money we can suffer from, hunger, homelessness, social isolation, lack of resources. These lacks can be contributing factors to poor mental and physical health. Financial abuse occurs when one individual controls, manipulates or threatens another person through their financial situation. Again, it is important to be aware if you think this might be happening to you or someone you are close to so that you can put boundaries in place and seek support. Financial abuse can include:

Controlling bank accounts, access to cash

Paying for everything

Giving you an ‘allowance’

Expecting you to explain every cent you spend

Using family money for personal gain

Withholding money

Making financial decisions without you

Refusing to contribute financially to you, the household or family

Spending more money than the household can afford

Taking out loans and/or running up debts in your name or joint names

Stopping you from working or studying

Hiding money Please refer to the safety service referral list at the end of this session’s notes for details of support services and free legal assistance.

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Boundaries and Consequences

Interpersonal boundaries are what we use to keep ourselves safe and healthy in relationships. A boundary is the ‘bottom line’ of what you will and won’t accept in your relationships.

Boundary setting steps

1. Self-Awareness

The first step to being able to develop and maintain healthy boundaries in your relationships is to develop a clear awareness of what you are willing and are not willing to accept from other people. When you are clear about what is and isn’t acceptable in your relationships it is easier to recognise when your boundaries have been overstepped. There are a few different ways to develop self-awareness around your boundaries. Depending on your personality, you might respond to visual patterning, verbal, written words or pictures as a way of imagining your life with healthy boundaries. You might find it easier to develop your self-awareness on your own or with the help of a friend, family member or other support person. The exercise provided in this session provides a written/verbal pattern. You can also do the exercise with pictures instead of words if you prefer. Once you have developed a clear awareness of your boundaries, you are ready to communicate those boundaries to the other people who are involved.

2. Assertive Communication of Boundaries and consequences It is important to communicate the limits of your boundaries to other people so that they understand why you behave the way you do when they overstep your boundaries. The best way to communicate boundaries is to use the assertive communication techniques that we learned during the last session. It is important to communicate the specific issue of your boundary and what you would prefer the other person to do instead to ensure that the other person has the best chance of responding effectively to your boundary setting.

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3. Feedback When you notice that the other person has changed their behaviour in response to your boundary setting, it is important to respond by giving them feedback. The other person won’t know if they have gotten their new behaviour right or wrong unless you communicate with them. Assertive communication will help you to manage your feedback in an appropriate way regardless of the effectiveness of their change. For example: If the other person adjusted their behaviour in response to your

boundary setting but are still overstepping your boundary, it is important to continue communicating your needs and wishes assertively. You may need to be more specific about the problem and/or what you want the other person to do instead.

4. Rewards and Consequences Rewards

If the other person changes their behaviours in response to your boundary setting it is important to provide positive reinforcement of their efforts. In other words, it is important to reward positive efforts made by the other person. You can choose any reward that is appropriate to the change. Be aware that the reward you provide should support the other person in a positive way and not undermine the other person’s change. Rewards can include:

A smile

Positive comments

A hug

Acknowledging and saying thanks for their efforts

Doing something helpful for the other person

Cooking them a meal

Buying them a present

Teaching them a skill – for example boundary setting! Consequences

If the other person changes their behaviours in a negative way or refuses to

change their behaviours in response to your boundary setting, you will need to

implement consequences to maintain your boundary.

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Consequences need to be realistic. It is important to identify consequences

that are:

Appropriate to the boundary you are setting, and

You are willing to implement.

Natural consequences are things that would happen in the natural course of

events as a direct result of a person’s behaviours.

For example: If you ate all of the biscuits in the cupboard, the consequence

is that the next time you go to the cupboard looking for biscuits there are none

there.

Therefore if your boundary is that you are no longer willing to provide an

endless supply of biscuits for the other person you would assertively

communicate that boundary to them then you could implement any of the

following natural consequences:

Not buying any biscuits for the shared cupboard, or

Buying a limit of one packet of biscuits per week/fortnight/month, or

Create separate food storage systems in the cupboard, or

Teach the other person how to buy their own biscuits

You can use the problem solving technique we learned in session five to

develop natural consequences for your boundaries. If appropriate, include the

other person and other relevant people.

Things to be aware of when setting and maintaining boundaries

It is a normal response for the other person to dispute or question your boundary setting. Your assertiveness around your boundaries might be a new and challenging experience for the other person. If your boundary has a negative effect on the other person you might expect them to react against the changes.

This is not a reason to stop boundary setting! Over time your new boundary will become the new normal in your relationship. The other person will adjust to your new behaviours and it is possible that they will slowly change their behaviours to accommodate your boundaries.

An increase in your self-awareness and boundary setting will increase your mental, emotional and physical wellbeing.

Asserting and maintaining your boundaries will improve the overall health of your relationships. The healthier you are, the healthier your relationships will be.

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If boundaries are set without consequences it is unlikely that the other person will change and maintain their behaviours. Providing realistic natural consequences is a way that you can ensure that the other person won’t continue to overstep your boundaries.

You are the only person who can be held responsible for defining and maintaining your boundaries.

You can include the other person in negotiating consequences. People are most likely to respond positively to change if they are included and feel empowered in decision making processes. Including the other person in negotiating consequences doesn’t mean that you change your boundaries, rather it provides an opportunity to include the other person in deciding how to best support and maintain your boundaries.

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Boundary Setting Circle

The purpose of this exercise is to identify your personal boundaries. On the outside of the circle, write things that you are no longer willing to accept in your relationships. These can be your own behaviours and other people’s behaviours. Example: Swearing Lending money I pay for everything Being yelled at

Driving the other person around The other person yelling at kids

Smoking in the house Nagging Drug use

On the inside of the circle write things that you are willing to accept in your

relationships.

Sober house

Assertive communication

Safety

Respectful interactions

Each family member taking financial responsibility for themselves

Kindness

Family time

etc.

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Social Support

Isolation

Having a person with an addiction issue in your life can be an isolating experience. There are many reasons that you can become isolated as a result of the other person’s addictive behaviours, including:

You might feel the need to ‘cover up’ the other person’s problems and behaviours to protect them from social and/or career consequences. This can put a barrier between other people and the real truth of what’s happening in your personal life.

Maintaining an intense focus on the other person’s problems and behaviours can take the bulk of your time and energy, leading to social isolation.

You might feel embarrassed or ashamed of the other person’s addictive behaviours, and not feel comfortable sharing with colleagues, friends or family.

The other person may control your time and access to friendships.

Support

Having a diverse social support network is important for maintaining personal wellbeing. Your support network doesn’t need to be large, but it does need to include people who can offer you a variety of different types of support. It is important that social supports meet our various social needs, including:

Sharing ‘time out’ from problems

Having fun

Relaxing

Discussing interesting ideas

Sharing mutual interests

Focusing on friendships and family relationships

Venting feelings

Discussing our problems

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Feeling heard and understood

Checking whether things that have happened to us are acceptable

Problem solving

Physical interactions and touch

You might notice from the list of social support needs that our relationships need to include both enjoyable and more serious aspects. It can be helpful to identify relationships that meet both types of needs. Your support people should not have addiction issues. That is not to say that the person with the addiction can’t offer you support, but that it is important for you to be able to take ‘time out’ from that relationship in order to relax and debrief. Who are the people I can ask to do enjoyable activities with me? ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… Who are the people I can discuss more serious parts of my life with? ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… You might do both types of activities with the same person or people or you might have two distinct sets of friends and family members. Both situations can work well as a support network.

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Safety Service Referrals List

For further information about individual services, please refer to their websites.

Family Drug Support 24 hour/7 days Support Line: 1300 368 186

Family Mental Health Support Service: 1800 234 232

Family Violence Counselling and Support Service: 1800 608 122

Hobart Community Legal Service Hobart: 6223 2500, Bridgewater: 6263 4755, Sorell: 6265 1911

Homeless Support Helpline 24 hour/ 7 days: 1800 800 588

Kids Helpline: 1800 551 800

Legal Aid Commission of Tasmania Monday – Friday 9am-5pm – Free legal advice service 1300 366 611

Lifeline Crisis Support Line: 13 11 14 Hobart branch: 6224 3450 (Mon-Fri 9am-5pm)

Mental Health Helpline 24 hour/7 day per week mental health crisis support line: 1800 332 388

Sexual Assault Support Service (SASS) 24 hour crisis support line: (03) 6231 1817

StandBy Response Service: 0400 183 490 in South and 0439 556 660 in North/Northwest (all hours)

Tasmania Police Emergency Line: Call 000 and ask for police Police Assistance Line for non-emergencies: 131 444 Crime stoppers: 1800 333 000

Victims of Crime Support Service 6224 2710 or 1300 300 238

Womens Legal Service: 1800 682 468 For assistance with other services within Southern Tasmania, please refer to the Anglicare Southern Support Services Directory: https://www.anglicare-tas.org.au/sites/anglicare-tas.org.au/files/stas-support-services-directory-mar-2014.pdf

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Homework: Boundary Setting Circle

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Homework: Support Network Plan

Enjoyable Activities Support Plan

Use this plan when you need ‘time out’ from the more serious aspects of your lifestyle. This plan is specifically to spend time doing enjoyable activities. The next plan will focus on serious discussion time. Identify a friend, colleague or family member who you can invite to do an enjoyable activity with: ………………………………………………………………………………………………… Be specific about what, when, and where your plan will happen. For example: I will invite Linda to have a cup of coffee on Saturday morning at the local café with me. ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… What unhelpful thoughts might get in the way of my inviting your colleague, friend or family member to do this enjoyable activity? For example: I haven’t seen Linda for over a year and she might think I’m a terrible friend. ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… …………………………………………………………………………………………………

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Identify a more helpful thought you can replace your unhelpful thought with. For example: If I don’t invite Linda to have coffee with me it might be another year before we see each other. ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… …………………………………………………………………………………………………

Serious Discussion Support Plan

Use this plan when you have a pressing issue that you need to discuss. Hint: This might include an issue directly related to the person with an addiction issue. This plan will focus on serious discussion time. Identify a friend, colleague or family member who you can ask to join you for a serious discussion: ………………………………………………………………………………………………… Be specific about what, when, and where your plan will happen. For example: I will ask my sister to help me figure out how to respond to my husband’s latest drinking episode while walk along the beach after work today. ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… …………………………………………………………………………………………………

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What unhelpful thoughts might get in the way of my asking your colleague, friend or family member to join you for this serious discussion? For example: My sister is probably sick and tired of helping me sort out my problems. ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… Identify a more helpful thought you can replace your unhelpful thought with. For example: I’m always happy to help my sister when she has problems. ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… …………………………………………………………………………………………………

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Week Eight:

Review and Future Planning

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Review

Alcohol and Other Drugs and Addictions

Change

Wellbeing

Self-Care Strategies – CBT

Self-Care Strategies - Planning and Problem Solving

Relationships – Communication and Assertiveness

Relationships – Boundaries and Safety

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Future Planning

It is important to identify and set goals to ensure that you are in control of your life. Effective planning ensures that you consciously move towards achieving your goals. Without planning we tend to become caught up in the path of the people we care for and life can become chaotic and unfocused. Take a moment to consider the things you would like to achieve and experience in your future life. Include creative pursuits, travel, leisure, career goals, social activities, sports, home life and domestic goals, family and friends, self-care, and anything else you can think of. ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… Create a future plan using each of the goals you have listed.

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Future Plan

The goal I am planning to achieve is: ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… What skills to I need to achieve this goal? ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… What resources do I need to achieve this goal? ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… Who else is involved in achieving this goal? ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… When do I hope to achieve this goal? ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… …………………………………………………………………………………………………

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What steps do I need to complete in order to achieve this goal? ……………………………………………………………………………………………….. ……………………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… What could get in the way of achieving this goal? ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… What can I do to increase the possibility of achieving my goal? ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… What/who will help me to achieve this goal? ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………… How will I know when I have achieved this goal? What will it look like? How will I feel? ………………………………………………………………………………………………… …………………………………………………………………………………………………

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References

Change your Thinking, Sarah Edelman, ABC Books, 2002.

https://www.projectsmart.co.uk/smart-goals.php

http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_ID=46

http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_ID=51