be your brave & reignite your life€¦ · courage when what’s next is new - despite years of...
TRANSCRIPT
BE YOUR BRAVE & REIGNITE YOUR LIFE’S WORK
Published by:
KC Healthcare Communications LLC
451 Shawmut Ave
Boston, Ma 02118
www.kelleyconnors.com
Copyright © 2019, Kelley Connors
Published in the United States of America
ISBN-13:978-1530924912
ISBN-10:153092491X
No parts of this publication may be reproduced without cor-
rect attribution to the author of this book.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
Writing a book challenges you in ways that confirm why eve-
ryone and anyone can use a good life and business coach! The
process of writing can be fertile ground for self-doubt, pro-
crastination, and frustration…and I would like to thank Lora
Denton, Editorial Director, and Dolores Hirschmann, CEO, of
Masters in Clarity. Both women were my wise guides with
sharp pens who helped me turn my research and interviews
into my own inspiring coaching book.
Also, a special thank you to the people I have interviewed
which led to the book’s “red threads”, the key concepts in
bravery: Yari Golden-Castano, Mary Jaensch, Sean Harvey,
Lisa Liljeberg, and Yvette Jarreau.
And, finally, thanks to my husband, Julien, for his inspiring
support of my passion for coaching professional women to
reignite their life’s work and thrive.
Table of Contents
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS ................................................................................. iii
FOREWORD .......................................................................................................... v
INTRODUCTION ............................................................................................... vi
Chapter 1- B
Become What Stirs You for Clarity .................................................................. 1
Chapter 2- R
Reveal Your Essence for Authenticity ............................................................ 10
Chapter 3: - A
Align with Your Mission for Power ................................................................. 19
Chapter 4: - V
Voice your Truth for Collaboration ............................................................... 26
Chapter 5 - E
Empower Other Women for Equity ............................................................... 34
CONCLUSION: ................................................................................................... 41
Testimonials .......................................................................................................... 43
FOREWORD
Amelia Earhardt, Malala, Michelle Obama, and Joan of Arc
may be some of the most well known examples of brave
women we admire. They took a stand for what’s possible in
pursuit of their own passions and interests and may have
even risked their lives for what was most important to them.
Regardless of who you are or your ambition for your life’s
work, your own brave move may not require you to risk your
life, your personal assets, or your health. Certainly, bravery is
a leadership skill that can be learned, facilitated by a positive
mindset and by taking risks that are purposeful and inspiring.
Bravery leads you to a new place that is beyond your comfort
zone. After realizing my life’s work was more about “being”
me and less about “doing”, I was inspired to write this guide-
book. As a self-described life-long learner and entrepreneur, I
had the usual periods of disengagement in my 20-year mar-
keting career - similar to what Gallup polls say is the hallmark
of many Baby Boomers and Gen Xers1. However, I was able
to reignite my life’s work through brave moves that I will
share soon.
Interestingly, what seemed to be missing in many of the busi-
ness and leadership books I read for help in this area was, not
confidence, but bravery. I hope my guidebook offers an in-
spiring, brave action plan for women in transition who want
to ignite their life’s work again...when it’s typical to call it
quits.
INTRODUCTION
“Courage is the most important of all the virtues, because without cour-
age you can’t practice any other virtue consistently. You can practice
any virtue erratically, but nothing consistently without courage.”
For many working women going through or considering go-
ing through transition, self-doubt leads to mental ups and
downs and lack of momentum just when they are in the prime
of their lives. Making change is never easy, and while we are
well-meaning, it’s easy to be short on clarity, calmness, and
courage when what’s next is new - despite years of work ex-
perience that’s already laid down a track record of success in
business.
William Bridges’ model for making change is based on the
idea that we can separate our ideas about change (the events
themselves as an external process) from our psychologi-
cal/internal response to that change. The latter he defined as
Transition.
He suggests that there are three phases to transition:
Introduction―vii
• An Ending – the period of time when you disengage
from your old work identity and ways of working and
acknowledge what is or will be lost.
• The Neutral Zone – a necessary unstructured space
where our attachment to the old is gone, but the new
has yet to be fully known and/or implemented. You
might find yourself disoriented and confused without
a clear sense of direction.
• A New Beginning - where you develop a new identity,
renewed energy, and sense of purpose. This is a time
for creating a new sense of purpose and structure. You
begin to move forward, drawn to new situations and
challenges. You will begin to feel productive again and
have a renewed sense of energy.
Finding myself in a life’s work transition, I was conflicted be-
tween the slogan “just do it” and waiting for the time to be
right. Usually, for me, this meant I wanted confidence given
to me in a pretty box. In any case, the more I read about mak-
ing a transition, the more I found myself stuck and not ready.
viii—Be Your Own Brave
Reigniting your life’s work can bring about feelings of self-
doubt, shame, imperfection, and loneliness or disconnection.
This guide will help you gain the internal clarity to put your
stamp on a brave move that may just feel scary, but is right in
your sweet spot -- the thing that makes your heart sing. It may
be a job or new position, but more importantly, it may also be
exactly what you need to overcome the tyranny of expecta-
tions that follows a successful career.
Be Your Own B.R.A.V.E. is an acronym and a five-point call-
to-action for professional, working women who are in transi-
tion in their life’s work after years of meeting external de-
mands and expectations for corporate success. Whether you
are moving out of a small business or corporate role, into your
own consulting business or considering a post-retirement gig,
crossing the threshold from what’s known to the unknown
requires a new kind of bravery. The unknown is a wonderful
opportunity to use your wings as you embark on an inner
journey for self-discovery, purpose, and meaning.
Here’s what the acronym B.R.A.V.E stands for, which is the
focus of each of the five Chapters:
Chapter One
B- Become What Stirs You for Clarity
Chapter Two
R- Reveal Your True Essence for Authenticity
Chapter Three
A- Align with Your Mission for Power
Chapter Four
V- Voice Your Truth for Collaboration
Chapter Five
E- Empower Other Women for Equity
Introduction―ix
Aligning with the field of positive psychology and mindful-
ness, these inspiring brave actions are not external to who you
are, and they don’t require confidence initially. These actions
are based on your essence, your unique strengths and inter-
ests. The path forward is ignited by YOU!
The moves help you connect with your essential nature so you
can start something new that is meaningful and purposeful.
There’s so much opportunity for experienced professional
working women today! We have to learn to be brave and start.
Otherwise, we risk waiting forever, under the influence of
“not yet ready”.
These brave moves, in fact, are an invitation to align with your
inner mentor, your essential nature, so you can bust through
old stories and become the best version of yourself!
Be Your Own B.R.A.V.E. is not a call to reinvent yourself. It
comes from cultivating a wholebeing approach to your life’s
work. These five actions are characteristics of successful
women who have navigated a transition in the later stages of
their career and business supported by positive psychology,
neurobiology, and coaching.
This B.R.A.V.E. approach to life work coaching is based on
my personal and professional experience of over 20 years in
the pharmaceutical and healthcare communications industry
as well as from my recent interviews with professional work-
ing women (and one man!). The B.R.A.V.E. approach is not
for the fainthearted, but for those women who are ready to
bravely connect with their vulnerability yet celebrate their
successes and forge ahead to reignite their life’s work.
x—Be Your Own Brave
After moving to Boston, I wanted to energize my life’s work.
As a healthcare marketing consultant and women’s health ad-
vocate for years, I loved my work, but the passion I once had
for entrepreneurship had begun to fade. My patient advocacy
work was fulfilling, but I was looking to make more of an im-
pact. Still, I found that no matter how many hours I spent cre-
ating, writing, blogging, and being visible online, something
was missing. I realized what was missing was my “why” and
no amount of additional skills or expertise could simply fill
that emotionally-driven gap.
It was as if I was stuck “in neutral” and the “why” behind my
business faded in transition to “what’s next.”
I hired a career coach to work toward full-time employment
in Boston, but it was an interview I went on that inspired a
light bulb moment. The question I was asked by the Dean at
a major university was, “Who are You?” In a manner that was
purely inquisitive on a deep level, his question rocked my
center. I had never really considered that question before. In
fact, I had prepared so well from a career and skills perspec-
tive, that I was then able to see what I had neglected. Indeed,
I was between a rock and a hard place in terms of desiring
autonomy and wanting to make an impact in women’s health.
Call it a midlife crisis, my fifty plus year-old self left the inter-
view with a big question mark. It wasn’t about age, it was
about purpose. For the next three years, I would embark on a
self-discovery journey unlike my prior pathway towards ca-
reer success on Madison Avenue.
Paving a pathway through transitions is important for many
people as their life evolves and changes. This stuck feeling
can come from trading money for what stirs you. When you
Introduction―xi
ignore this stirring for a long time, your gifts cannot emerge,
your voice is diluted, your impact is less, and your income
plateaus!
It’s certainly not all about “income” though. You have the op-
portunity to share your uniqueness with the world in a way
that makes a difference and inspires others as well!
If this speaks to you and you’re wondering what’s next, you
must know that being brave comes from knowing
your strengths and believing in your inner wisdom. From
here, your resilience and your outlook hold the code for in-
creased energy, and these help you to gain the new skills you
need for today’s dynamic business environment.
I know from my own experience that it felt safer to keep my
best gifts buried and to hide behind a company name. Some-
times when I was giving a talk, a lump would fill up my throat
and my voice would quiver with self-doubt. I was starting to
use my voice, but I would end up telling myself “You’re not
ready or your voice would sound stronger”.
Over time, the stirring soon became a loud whisper. It was as
if my gift was like Adele’s song, singing to me, “Hello, it’s me, I
was wondering if after all these years you’d like to meet...”
What would it be like if you stopped proving yourself to
your family and friends and instead focused on shar-
ing your signature gifts with those who you can truly
serve? Can you align these gifts with your purpose or call-
ing?
Will you embrace your gifts wholeheartedly or will you let
them float away from you, reducing your own self-worth,
value, and money-making potential?
xii—Be Your Own Brave
Who is this book for?
This book guides professional working women, team leaders,
change making entrepreneurs, and marketing consultants
who are seeking a change in their life’s work or want to make
a transition that’s more in sync with who they are and how
they want to “be” in their life’s work. Yes, we all talk about
purpose, but this guidebook will help you realize it’s more
than just a sentence. It’s part of your essential nature, your life
force. And, it generates the energy you need to sustain your
life’s work.
Even if you’re intrigued, but still skeptical about the science
of bravery, this is an invitation to join me as I bring along
many other women ready to reignite their life’s work and live
well. There’s more fun in numbers, so let’s build our bravery
muscles and, at the same time, empower other women to
make the world a better place!
Let’s begin to journey together with our heads and hearts on
this new pathway, this brave operating system!
This book will help you:
1. See yourself in a new light, authentically leading your
life
2. Get inspired to practice bravery in an empowered way
3. Make a brave move to catalyze your desires into action
and reignite your life’s work
Whatever your path, please use this book to get connected to
your own definition of bravery and to collaborate with other
like-minded women to reignite your careers or businesses!
Introduction―xiii
Be Your B.R.A.V.E. is Today’s Call-to-Action for Wellbeing
and Leadership!
There’s a female leadership gap to fill in business, technology,
law, academics, and medicine. Now is the time for us to be
the catalyst, whether we set ourselves up for entrepreneur-
ship or a new position in an organization. If we want to see
change truly happen, it must start within each of us. Are you
ready to join other like-minded women to fill the leadership
and wellbeing gap?
For decades, highly educated women have twisted and
turned themselves to be “the square peg in a round hole” as
they adapt to fit masculine-oriented cultures and policies at
work. Women get raises by fitting in and shape-shifting as
best as we can. Combined with family caretaking as a priority,
we can easily feel the conflict between our own well-being
and the demands of work.
It all begins at a very early age, when boys are encouraged to
be brave and girls are encouraged to be perfect. This leads
many women to doubt themselves in their professional and
personal lives, especially when they experience the conflict
involved in child or eldercare. As women’s’ caretaking roles
evolve with changing life stages, their wage-earning years are
interrupted with time off and transitions to self-employment
or no employment. This makes it difficult to recapture wages
when reentering the workforce.
All of this financial and emotional stress compromises a
working women’s health and wellbeing. Ironically, a
woman’s heart can bear the brunt of much of this stress
throughout her life, as she ages.
xiv—Be Your Own Brave
Stark Reality for Midlife Working Women:
• Gallup’s Well-Being Survey has found that one in five
midlife employees are disengaged and far likelier to re-
port stress and physical pain.
• After childbirth, women bring in less after returning to
the workforce, while the opposite is true for working
fathers.2
• Women’s caregiving roles zap an average of $324,044
in compensation due to caregiving for aging parents.3
• Compared to men, women have been 1:1 in qualifica-
tions in many fields like medicine and law since the
1980’s and yet in 2017, women still are 1:4, sometimes
as little as 1:20 in positions of leadership.4
• After 50 years of age, women earn just 77% of her 50-
year old male counterpart. 5
• Female physicians in primary care earn nearly 18% less
than their male counterparts. Among all physicians,
the pay disparity is even more pronounced, with fe-
male physicians earning 36% less than male physi-
cians.6
• Women’s health and well-being suffers with heart dis-
ease as the number one cause of death among women.
Now, women younger than 55 years old are being di-
agnosed with heart disease due to changes in defini-
tion. 7
• Women are nearly twice as likely as men to be diag-
nosed with depression and, if disengaged at work, this
number is more compelling.8
Introduction―xv
The Brave Moves That Help You Reignite Your Life’s
Work & Thrive
For perspective, we all have financial constraints that guide
our choices and decisions. I am writing as your inner mentor
and advocate for your own health and well-being. Gallup’s
Well-Being Poll is one that drives the point home! Their re-
sults with Baby Boomers and Gen Xers show that a disen-
gaged employee suffers from stress and depression more of-
ten than an engaged employee.
That’s just another reason why working women over 45 must
seriously consider the opportunity to be on a brave journey -
one that’s meaningful, purposeful, and productive...and that
nurtures living well and working well.
This approach is a leadership strategy for women who may
be “doing” more than “being.” For those whose to-do list
never includes self-care, this dynamic underscores how in-
creasing self-awareness or self-knowledge can help you to
transition and to reignite your life’s work after years of meet-
ing external demands, ill-fitting cultures, caregiving, and fi-
nancial obligations.
This is about tuning in to be your best self and then sparking
a chain reaction with others, collaborating and co-creating to
move forward in your life’s work.
Once women hit 40, we start to shift our actions that align
more with who we are, our priorities, values, and beliefs. Our
evolving life’s work comes from a deeper source of curiosity
than questioning the status quo or personal inquiry. This is
how and where you will find your true power source. This
curiosity helps you overcome self-limiting beliefs and leads
you to who you are at your essence.
xvi—Be Your Own Brave
If you read this quick book and something sparks your inter-
est, you may be closer than you think to your best life’s work!
It is entirely possible to take small meaningful steps - brave
moves - that offer you insight so you can work well and
thrive!
Be Your B.R.A.V.E is a Mind Body Approach
This approach to working well integrates the science of neu-
robiology, gender empowerment, and women’s own wis-
dom. That’s why each chapter will include a guided medita-
tion and self-reflection questions that encourage the sympa-
thetic nervous system to take over. This effectively reduces
the fear hormones that also play havoc with weight gain and
heart disease (namely, cortisol), so that your body’s wisdom
can support you in being the creator for your life’s work. In-
stead of reacting to life and work as if we are always facing a
saber-toothed tiger, no longer our real threat, we pause and
choose whether or not to respond to triggers and stressors at
work. This approach expands our capacity for accepting what
is and increasing our ability to reflect on our capacity for mak-
ing a brave move.
Yes, this takes bravery, and it sometimes feels like you’re not
“doing” anything due to a society that values action and im-
mediacy. But, simply being present and giving yourself time
to think and self-reflect leads to a more authentic, joyous,
graceful, and sovereign way of living and working well. This
is how you find your own brave!
It takes bravery to come out of hiding behind work titles,
roles, status, image, family, business, or community!
Those are false armors that disguise who we are and allow us
to “fit in”. Committing to a brave pathway encourages
Introduction―xvii
women to voice their truth and beauty and own their pur-
pose, their story, their “true essence”. Then, with that
knowledge and self-awareness, you’ll feel and see what’s
missing in the world, and you will be able to choose how you
want to meet those needs with your unique gifts. In doing so,
you’ll empower other women to do the same!
“The big questions you ask yourself require courage” -
Kelley Connors, MPH, Life Work Coach for Professional
Working Women
There are five ways to make a brave move to reignite your
life’s work. From my conversations with a dozen women who
value their work life and have invested time and resources
into reigniting their life’s work, I’ve captured those that illus-
trate why bravery comes from inspired actions from the head
and heart. All of your brave moves require you to tune in, let
go of what is not serving you, and connect your head and
heart. This will clear the way for inspired action that, ulti-
mately, is what will give you more courage and confidence
than a daily “to do” list!
What I found in my interviews was the following:
• Women who believe in their own self-worth and align
with their purpose are able to move forward despite a
wide range of personal and professional obstacles.
• Committing to your own self-growth is the path that
gives you the choice to use your life’s work to make a
bigger difference in the world.
• Be the witness to your thoughts and motivations. Self-
reflect for the opportunity to choose courage over com-
fort as you navigate forward.
xviii—Be Your Own Brave
The Big Myth Professional Working Women Believe
That Keeps Them Stuck and Stressed: Perfection vs
Bravery
Reshma Saujani, Founder and Chief Executive of Girls Who
Code, noted in the June 2019 New Rules Summit that, even on
the playground, boys are told to climb to the top of the mon-
key bars and jump off while girls are told to be careful. “We
definitely socialize our girls to be perfect and socialize our
boys to be brave,” she said.
The female brave operating system, with its focus on calm-
ness, clarity, and courage, allows women to dump the idea
that perfection is the key to living well, working well, and
thriving. The challenge for brave women is to commit to a
personal and professional journey for cultivating bravery
from the inside out. Like working out a new muscle, your
bravery will emerge from repeated practice with the mind
body connection!
The principles of this practice require you to:
• integrate mind and body, head and heart in decision
making
• discern body intelligence as data for brave responses
• power up with collaborative skills, not competitive
threats
• align actions with purpose; practicing bravery means
well-being for leaders
Chapter 1- B
“There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is trans-
lated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all
time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist
through any other medium and will be lost.”
“For me, becoming isn’t about arriving somewhere or achieving a cer-
tain aim. I see it instead as forward motion, a means of evolving, a way
to reach continuously toward a better self. The journey doesn’t end.”
be·come
/bəˈkəm/
verb
1. begin to be.
stir·ring
/ˈstəriNG/
adjective
1. causing great excitement or strong emotion; rousing.
2—Be Your Own Brave
My own experience and light bulb moment ignited a stirring
inside me.
As I slowed down on my hamster wheel, constantly searching
for the next best solution to my problems looking for my next
job, I tuned into what I call a stirring.
A stirring, in this instance, is like a calling from your deepest
desires. Your body holds the code in this realm. Take it from
me, it can seem easier to ignore this stirring and instead just
work your “to do” list and stay on the familiar hamster wheel.
We often ignore our body and it’s nervous system as “unin-
telligent” as we place knowledge squarely in the realm of
“brain,” but in fact, your body remembers the past traumas,
fears, worries, and concerns. However, your body also holds
the code for joy and ease. When we only live in our heads, we
miss the data that comes from our body, and we can lose the
connection with ourselves!
Body intelligence is knowledge or information that comes
from the connection between your brain, your mind, and your
body. This connection is affected by your thoughts, your de-
sire to stay alive, and your desire for love and belonging. In
order to navigate change and fear in your life’s work, you
must be able to override your primitive (limbic) brain’s sig-
nals and use your mind and body connection to make brave
moves.
If you are constantly fighting or flight-ing, then you are using
a lot of your energy to simply survive perceived threats.
When you decide to work with brave moves as a seasoned
professional working woman, you begin to practice your
mind body connection effectively. This connection is an
amazing system of neural networks, chemical reactions, and
Chapter2R- Reveal Your Essence for Authenticity―3
sensations that all work together. The autonomic nervous sys-
tem keeps our heart beating and our lungs breathing. Our
parasympathetic system, part of the autonomic nervous sys-
tem that prepares us for stress, fight or flight, releases hor-
mones epinephrine and norepinephrine that accelerate the
heart rate when we’re under pressure or stress. The result can
interfere with our best decision making, if we let it. The trick
is to unhook our impulse to act out of an old story or fear. Yes,
we CAN practice responding to or managing stress when we
sense it’s looming presence. This is the best way to be a creator
or designer in your own life.
One of the easiest ways to start incorporating body intelli-
gence is to begin to notice how our body feels and pay atten-
tion to any response we have when we’re challenged or when
we feel afraid. Scientists refer to Interoceptive Awareness as
the ability to notice the internal sensations of the body such as
heartbeat, breathing, digestive symptoms, pain, pressure, etc.
Just connecting with this is preparation for addressing what’s
most important or pressing to you.
How to Prepare for Your Own Brave Move
“The whole body-mind thing comes into play when you are feeling that
self-doubt and your body is not going to help you if you’re not paying at-
tention. Your body’s going to go with the self-doubt and make you feel
worse, so by making the adjustments - pulling your shoulders back,
standing up straight, walking in a more sort of expansive way - all sorts
of little things will help pull you out of that self-doubt.”
- Amy Cuddy, PhD,
Harvard Business School Executive Education, Social Psycholo-
gist, Author, Presence
4—Be Your Own Brave
Your awareness of your own body’s reactions can be your
guide as you tune in and navigate the path forward and cul-
tivate being brave. While most of us respond to external stim-
uli appropriately when our bodies signal us to do so, many of
us miss the more subtle signals we are being sent about what
we are feeling on the inside. We all know to put a coat on
when it’s cold outside, but it can be more challenging to ne-
gotiate the root cause of discomfort when it’s emotional. Take
a moment to check in with your body, find where you feel
tension, unease, or discomfort. Now, try to visualize the ideal
outcome for your life’s work and check in again. See if you
can narrow down sensations in your body to those that are
being triggered by starting something new that you have not
done before.
Start at your head and work your way down. Are your shoul-
ders tense or relaxed? Is your breathing fast or slow? Is your
heart hammering in your chest or plodding along confi-
dently? Does your stomach feel like it’s in knots or calm? Are
you dragging and tired or a bundle of nervous energy? Use
these clues to tap into your body and find out what it truly
needs, emotionally and physically.
Bravery isn’t just about how you feel in the moment, however.
We, as busy people, are always looking outward and always
in action, which can make it hard to find and connect with
what stirs you. Your deepest desires give you a guide to reig-
niting your life’s work when you get disconnected from living
this modern life.
Why is this first step so important? It’s critical to know what’s
important to you based on your deepest desires because it
gives you both the direction and the motivation to stay on the
path to your true destiny. Your deepest desire is partly your
Chapter2R- Reveal Your Essence for Authenticity―5
likes and dislikes, but the problem is that these can change
over time with the conditions and circumstances of your life.
Your body intelligence can help guide you!
Truly knowing what you want in life must come from a foun-
dation of what stirs you, your deepest desires, to bring about
your own personal fulfillment. Have you taken time to self-
reflect and notice what happens in your body as well? This
may even be the first step to lifestyle changes that improve
your well-being.
Beyond discovery, this means you must be present and con-
nected to those who can support you and provide a safe land-
ing as you navigate forward. It’s important to be vulnerable
with the people that you have chosen to be part of your sup-
port circle. It’s great when those who support you experience
your authenticity and can co-create with you toward your
goals. It’s way easier to be brave and authentic when you have
a cheering section, right?
Meet Yari Golden-Castano, Immigrant, Astronaut
Preparing for the Mars One Project
I’d like to introduce you to a wonderfully brave and interest-
ing woman who I heard speak at International Women’s Day
in Boston recently - Yari Golden-Castaño. Yari is a great ex-
ample of someone who followed her early childhood instincts
and desires to meet her destiny. As an immigrant from Mex-
ico, her journey was not without major challenges. Yet, she
was someone who knew what she wanted to do from an early
age and followed her deepest desire to explore outer space.
While you may have had a desire since childhood, you might
have veered away from it due to lack of money, other’s opin-
ions, or any number of reasons. It’s not too late to get in touch
6—Be Your Own Brave
with your inner child to discover your deepest desire and use
it to move forward!!
Yari’s fascination with outer space began during her early
childhood growing up in Mexico. Her mother and grand-
mother encouraged her to be anything she wanted to be. Her
grandmother told her about the first man in orbit, and her
mother dressed her in a little astronaut onesie that embodied
Yari in imagination and the possibility of being an astronaut.
Now at age 30, Yari Golden-Castaño is turning her childhood
dream into a potential reality. She has qualified as one of the
100 finalists for the Mars One Project, which is organized by
a private company in the Netherlands. The Mars One trip is
supposed to allow for the unprecedented human expedition
to Mars in 2031, where the final 24 candidates will live the re-
mainder of their lives on this new planet. These candidates
will travel with the goal of evaluating and analyzing re-
sources for human habitation.
From Yari:
“By day, I am a systems engineer at MIT Lincoln Laboratory ad-
vancing technology for National Defense and Space. By night, I am
one of 100 aspiring Mars settlers from around the world preparing
and training for a one-way trip to settle on the red planet. I am a
strong advocate for girls in STEM, I organize and run hands-on
workshops to introduce girls to engineering and speak at schools,
universities, and professional organizations about the importance of
following your dreams, space exploration, and the Mars One Pro-
ject.
In college, people told me I could not be an astronaut. I had no expe-
rience at that point. I was working on my engineering degree, but,
as a woman from Mexico, I didn’t feel prepared for the workforce.
Chapter2R- Reveal Your Essence for Authenticity―7
One day, I said to myself, “I am going to get a job - a good job!” I
had to go after my life-long vision to stand on another planet.
I never thought I could stand in front of anyone and tell my story.
The first time I told my story, so many people were curious. That’s
when I realized the power of speaking. When I went back to Mexico
and back to my elementary school, the kids were so excited and said,
“You were one of us, we can grow up to be like you!”
I’m in the process. I’m on the path. I never had a role model who
looked like me. Being open, being out there, sharing; I never believed
I could do it. Now, I can hear my 5 year old self saying, “Believe in
yourself, trust yourself, it will be OK.”
I do value all experiences; that’s why I am successful. I love them all
now. I talk about them all the time. You, too, should believe in your-
self. Others won’t know you, if not.”
Yari’s Brave Tip:
Only you can decide which rules are important because other
people don’t always know why the rules are there or why they
might not matter to you. Not all rules make sense. It’s your life.
Even if everything is against you, be brave and believe in yourself.
Believe that you can do it.”
Be Your Brave Exercise #1: Cultivate Clarity
Clarity, not perfection, goes hand in hand with bravery.
What’s required is to empty your subconscious of negative or
conflicting thoughts to pave the way to calm and clarity. One
way to empty the mind, clear your perspective, and remem-
ber who you are is to engage in quiet time each morning. This
ritual prepares you for making a brave move because it helps
8—Be Your Own Brave
you tune in to connect with your essential nature, without re-
acting to what we think we should do or what others expect
of us.
From a neurobiological perspective, recent studies reveal that
taking time for silence restores the nervous system, helps sus-
tain energy, and conditions our minds to be more adaptive
and responsive to the complex environments in which so
many of us now live, work, and lead. Two-minutes of silence
inserted between musical pieces is more stabilizing to cardio-
vascular and respiratory systems than even the music catego-
rized as “relaxing.” 10
What better way to start each day then with silence? Each
morning take 10 minutes to write in your journal. Empty your
mind of clutter and clear your lens for the day by engaging in
spontaneous journaling about whatever comes to your mind.
I’ve practiced this and it really works well, especially if you
are looking to start the day with clarity of mind.
When you journal, there is no judgement. You are the witness
of your thoughts, but not the judge of them. Watch how the
words flow and don’t judge. With a relaxed mind, you can
empty the negativity that constrains you and keeps you stuck
and out of ease with your life’s work.
(Source: Julia Cameron, Walking in the World, The Practical Art of
Creativity”)
Brave Journaling: The Essential You
If you would like a spark for journaling, here are some helpful
questions. You may find yourself focusing on one or two each
morning, recollecting old passions and interests which are
buried in your subconscious. Have a go at this:
Chapter2R- Reveal Your Essence for Authenticity―9
• When were you happiest as a child?
• What were you doing?
• Describe the feeling. Who was with you?
• What do you remember the most about what made
you happy as a child?
• What were the colors around you?
• Describe your favorite game?
• What was your favorite belonging and why?
• What were you passionate about, even if for just a short
time?
• What are you passionate about today?
• What brings you joy today?
• How have these things changed over time?
• How can you reclaim some of the joy you experienced
as a child?
• Track your activities for the next week. How often do
you do things that bring a joyful, connected feeling?
Where can you make time to do those things more?
Chapter 2- R
“Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen. Because
true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect
selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than
our level of self-acceptance.”
“Courage is necessary to make radical and life-giving changes in your
mind and body that will allow you to flourish on all levels.”
“The universe buries strange jewels deep within us all, and then stands
back to see if we can find them.”
“Reconnecting with the essence of you is not a reinvention or a re-de-
sign of who you are. It is the discovery process where you’ll remember
who you are before you “were born”.
Chapter2R- Reveal Your Essence for Authenticity―11
Re·veal
\ ri-ˈvēl
verb
1: to make known through divine inspiration
2: to make (something secret or hidden) publicly or generally known
reveal a secret
3: to open up to view
Es·sence
/ˈesəns/
noun
1. the intrinsic nature or indispensable quality of something, espe-
cially something abstract, that determines its character.
2. the permanent as contrasted with the accidental element of being
The hardest question we can ever ask ourselves is “Who Am
I?” What makes it so difficult is that your initial response may
deceive you. You may believe who you are has more to do
with your upbringing, your role, your own expectations, and
the demands by others than a connection with your essence
and your purpose.
Essence lies in both your head and your heart. Likely, you’ve
gotten glimpses of your pure essence, like I did many times,
but may have been too self-conscious or too busy getting
things done to recognize it. You may feel that you are too old
or too young or not at all ready for what’s next. You might
believe all the old stories that undermine your connection
with the pure essence that is you.
12—Be Your Own Brave
So, how does one find, explore, or sense their true essence? Is
this just an inner experience? Why is it important to make a
brave move?
The Essential You is not your brain, your mind, your
thoughts, your body or even your external experiences. Your
essence is what makes you joyful and what makes you inspir-
ing, both energy sources that can move you and lift others up.
Your essence is what breaks your heart and it’s also what
makes your heart sing. Your essence can remain invisible to
you (though not to others) unless you embark on a coura-
geous journey for self-discovery, from which you gain in-
sights that help you sync yourself up, perhaps helping you
transition to what’s next.
How can you discover the Essential YOU?
The heart is key for bravery, therefore the first step to finding
your essential you is to bring your heart on board, connect
your mind and body, and tap into its intelligence or wisdom.
First, take a minute to relax and have a calm mind. For years,
many women have relied on their brain because we were
trained with an authoritarian or male model of business.
What happens when we live in our head? Simply answered,
living in our head is limiting ourselves to the logical and lin-
ear decisions that we have to make. This is now inadequate
for today’s working world in business, medicine, law, tech-
nology, etc. Much of the feminine style of leadership is key for
collaboration, inclusivity, flexibility, and creativity along with
the masculine leadership style that has guided decisions for
as long as I can remember.
Chapter2R- Reveal Your Essence for Authenticity―13
For example, when we think of big decisions in our lives, we
often consider what is a “smart decision” rather than incorpo-
rating bravery into the process. A smart decision isn’t always
a brave move. If you are considering where to live, what
house to buy, or where to apply for a job, it is a process of
choosing based on your income, job prospects, and prefer-
ences. This decision is much more linear than those decisions
that require opening up to new possibilities and having the
courage of your convictions to follow what your heart is steer-
ing you towards. Trust in what makes your heart sing because
your heart’s energy comes from a more motivating place, one
that you can continually replenish through self-reflection, so-
cial connections, inspiration, joy, and practicing generosity.
How to Prepare for Your Own Brave Move: Remember Who
You Are at Heart
“Who are you?” has to do with how you answer the question “What is
your purpose in life?” One of the key points I want to make is
that connecting with your true essence is not a leap to “how
can I reinvent myself?” Reinvention is about actions you take
to pivot or shift so you are more in sync with your purpose.
The key action in Brave Moves™ coaching requires tapping
into your true essence to reveal your deepest desires for your
life’s work.
Some of us have defined ourselves by our career achieve-
ments or our familial roles and while those experiences have
shaped you, your priorities, your desires and dislikes, they
are external to you. They are not the same as the essential you.
Channel the child that you were around ages 5-7, before ex-
pectations of who you should be shaped who you were.
Do you doubt your true essence?
14—Be Your Own Brave
Connecting with your true essence requires owning your
story. Your story is your key to unlocking shame and imper-
fection in favor of bravery and wisdom. For me personally,
my deepest desire is to connect women for power and more
agency across the generations, individually and collectively,
around the world. It comes from being a girl in an Irish Cath-
olic family where male energy was dominant and female en-
ergy was less visible and subservient. Certainly, the recent
World Championship of the US Women’s Soccer Team has
opened up new channels for women to lead in competitive
arenas. Still, shame can come from perceived areas of imper-
fection and weakness.
When I am in action around female empowerment, I know I
can overcome challenges and the stress of not fitting in per-
fectly as business evolves. With a more holistic view of my
purpose, I am much more motivated to learn new skills in so-
cial media and professional development in areas like coach-
ing and mindfulness. Acquiring new skills has fueled my abil-
ity to expand my capacity as a Life Work Coach and Commu-
nications Consultant. These days, I find that I make life work
choices based on my purpose that’s in sync with “Who Am
I”?
“Accepting what made you who you are today and celebrating
all that you have overcome. This is the key to making your
next brave move.”
- Kelley Connors, MPH, Life Work Coach
Meet Mary Jaensch, Career Coach
Mary Jaensch, Career Coach, shares her experience about the
transformation that occurred when she took a few years to re-
ignite her life’s work. During her transition from a global
Chapter2R- Reveal Your Essence for Authenticity―15
product innovator and marketer, she discovered her calling
as a career coach.
“In 2013, I got fired from the company I started. My marriage was
in trouble. I was aware of how disconnected I was from myself. I did
not know how to reconnect.
I spent the last five years coming to terms with who I really am. It
was not clear to me, and I wasn’t accepting it (myself).
The biggest challenge is being you and being part of a community
at the same time. Ask yourself the questions that reveal alternatives.
This takes bravery.
First, I was escaping where I was, because I could not tolerate home
and where I was. I slept in an airport one night instead of going back
home. I just could not tolerate it. I was not in physical danger, but I
can relate to the idea of immigration and needing to leave one’s
home.
This one simple act of leaving what was formerly my home gave me
the bravery to do things I didn’t like. There are things we don’t like
and keep us from being brave and being who we really are.
Sometimes connecting to YOU is about leaving a place or a situa-
tion. Bravery takes you forward to get to where you’re going.
After several years of being invisible, hiding behind a company
name, I am stepping out and coaching and it makes my heart sing.
To have clarity means we have mirrors. We can’t see who we are on
our own. We must have mirrors to see clearly and that is why I have
invested in myself with coaching. It helps you clarify who you are
and you can be consciously aware of who you are becoming.
Through my own discovery process that’s taken a few years, I’m
now getting feedback that is not in conflict with how I want to see
myself.
16—Be Your Own Brave
What makes bravery so challenging is that our culture forces a com-
pare and contrast mindset which gets in the way of self-acceptance.
I jump into judging myself instead of self-compassion and self-ac-
ceptance. This takes bravery to see yourself without judgement and
the inner critic.”
Mary’s Brave Move Tip:
“Bravery is being able to tolerate what you see in yourself. First,
you have to be open to seeing yourself. It’s a willingness to walk
into the unknown enough and this takes self-compassion for
women like me, who’ve been trained in business to disconnect
from their heart.”
So, let’s begin with an exercise that touches your heart and
catalyzes inspired action. I’ll be your guide as you tune in, re-
lax your body and mind, and feel what’s going on.
Be Your Brave Exercise #2: Get Connected with Your Heart
Let your brain relax. Use this heart meditation for access to
what moves you, what inspires you. Feel what really matters
by tapping into your heart’s high vibrational energy.
1. Begin by sitting in a comfortable position and close
your eyes.
2. For just this moment, let go of your thoughts and the
outside world.
3. Focus your attention on your spiritual heart center, in
the middle of your chest, and be aware of your heart as
space. The heart center is a point of awareness where
feelings enter. In its essence, the heart is pure empti-
ness, pervaded by peace and a subtle light.
4. Resting your attention easily on your heart center,
breathe gently and sense your breath flowing into your
Chapter2R- Reveal Your Essence for Authenticity―17
heart. You may want to visualize a soft, pastel light or
coolness pervading the chest.
5. Let your breath go in and out, and as it does, ask your
heart what it needs to say. Don’t phrase this as an or-
der, just have the faint intention that you want your
heart to express itself.
6. For the next 5 or 10 minutes, just sit and listen. Your
heart will begin to release emotions, memories, wishes,
fears, and dreams long stored inside. As it does, you
will find yourself paying attention.
You may have a flash of strong emotion - positive or negative
- or a forgotten memory. Your breathing may change. You
may gasp, sigh, or feel tears come into your eyes. Let the ex-
perience be what it is. If you daydream or drift off into sleep,
don’t worry. Just bring your attention back to your heart cen-
ter.
The heart’s message is perfect.
Whether it speaks to you in sadness or fear, delight or pleas-
ure, its message is exactly what you need. If voices of anger,
worry, or doubt start to arise, allow them to speak and then
let them go, easily and comfortably. You are learning to be
with your heart. You are listening to your heart without
judgement - this is attention.
Brave Journaling: Your Heart’s Desire
• Begin by letting your mind relax and just breathe into
your heart. Take your pencil and start to write about
love, creativity, and generosity.
• What is your heart’s desire?
• What is it about that desire that draws you?
• What is it about creativity that is calling you?
18—Be Your Own Brave
• What is your creative spirit telling you?
• What is calling you towards generosity?
• What inspires you to be generous?
• How can you be more generous?
You may not have answers to all of these questions and that’s
okay. The point of these questions is to take a step away from
everyday concerns, the laundry, the task list, the kids’ school
progress, and even your own health issues…and remember
what makes our heart sing!
Chapter 3: - A
“A warrior’s mission is to foster the success of others.”
a·lign
/əˈlīn/
verb
give support to (a person, organization, or cause).
am·pli·fy
/ˈampləˌfī/
verb
to make larger or greater (as in amount, importance, or inten-
sity) : increase
mis·sion
/ˈmiSHən/
noun
a strong commitment and sense of duty to do or achieve
something
Purpose. You have it. It may need cultivating so it can show
itself to you. I call it your mission.
As Victor Frankl wrote in “Man’s Search For Meaning,” you
can endure any journey as long as you know your ‘why’.
When you commit to a journey, you’re not just committing to
20—Be Your Own Brave
the thrill of success and reaching your goal, you’re commit-
ting to being a kind-hearted warrior, armed with purpose be-
hind your goal.
Having a purpose makes it impossible to merely exist. When
you have a definite reason for living, a “why” behind every
action, your passions and talents will drive you toward a
happy, fulfilling destination.
How do you find your purpose? Finding your inner purpose
requires you to eschew the voice of your inner critic and em-
brace the voice of your inner mentor.
How to Prepare for Your Own Brave Move
What gets in the way of clarity about your purpose?
Meet your inner critic!
The inner critic tells us that we aren’t good enough or that we
should be doing more. It measures us against everyone else
and reminds us how we fall short. This inner critic often talks
to us in our own voice and can sometimes sound logical,
which can be very deceiving. The voice of the inner critic is
behind why women go for perfection and give up on what is
most meaningful to them. The inner critic may even encour-
age us to give up on our purpose because it seems unrealistic
and hopeless.
How does this voice make you feel in your body? Defensive?
Ashamed? Fearful? Likely, your inner critic aims to fight the
truth of who you are and therefore, your body stays closed to
what’s possible. (You may want to explore this in one of your
morning body scans.)
Chapter3A- Align with Your Mission for Power―21
Our innate human wiring is for self-doubt, negativity, and
protection from danger (think of the reptilian response to
fearing a saber-toothed tiger). Your inner critic is the one that
sounds like a snarky friend, a litigious lawyer, an old fash-
ioned school marm, a bully, a mean girl, or an admonishment
of possibility. Your inner critic can be cleverly disguised as
your protector, your rational advisor.
The inner critic tells you “you’re not ready, people will laugh,
you’re on your own”. We think the inner critic is protecting
us, but it actually makes us fearful of not belonging if we be-
lieve it.
This critical voice keeps us small and doubtful, measuring
ourselves against others, insecure and fearful of the un-
known. It’s a barrier to exploration and a dream squasher. The
inner critic can be disguised as our wise mentor and we even
actually believe the wisdom of it. The inner critic is so familiar
that it can feel like the water we swim in.
So, how do you tell the difference between your inner critic
and your inner mentor? This is where bravery comes in! We
can push back against this voice with courage and heart,
knowing that this inner critic may have been formed as a de-
fense mechanism back when it was needed, however, we no
longer need this voice to hold us back.
Let’s go back to body intelligence. Each voice makes you feel
differently. Your inner critic keeps your body feeling con-
stricted, small, protected, and defensive. You feel less energy
flowing. You get tired from fighting the same battles inside
your head, over and over again.
The inner mentor is the brave, wise, loving self and its voice
leaves you feeling open-hearted, empowered, and confident.
22—Be Your Own Brave
Your body feels open and spacious when you access the inner
mentor. You are calm and relaxed, but focused!
And, before I lead you inadvertently down a primrose path,
let me share something important. Your inner mentor can also
deliver tough love, but she does so without guilt or shame.
She is not as familiar as the inner critic, so you might not rec-
ognize her voice, and instead, easily dismiss her wisdom.
But, wait...The inner mentor is connected to the essence of
who you are. It IS the essence of you! Don’t dismiss her as
weak, just because she won’t shame you. She offers a voice of
tough love, but only when she knows you are ready for it. Lis-
ten carefully and claim your seat at the table with her.
Meet Sean Harvey, Chief Compassion Officer at
Symponia Studios
I met Sean when he was working at EILEEN FISHER in Ir-
vington, NY as a workshop and retreat leader. Prior to EF, he
was a college professor for 10 years and worked in his own
consulting business for over 20 years. His mission shifted
from transactional in nature to transformational in essence.
“There was something about my consulting work that became trans-
actional. It wasn’t until I interviewed with the women’s clothing
company, EILEEN FISHER, that I experienced how feminine lead-
ership really worked. Starting with the interview process, I experi-
enced how compassion and collaboration were integrated into the
unique culture. I saw how the arts can inform facilitation of groups
in unconventional ways. My own purpose today was born out of a
question from my work at EF: “What if more men had exposure to
this?” Today, I am committed to holding space for a more feminine
leadership style, and for this to benefit men, it must be spiritually
grounded. That’s why I entered the seminary two year program.”
Chapter3A- Align with Your Mission for Power―23
Sean’s Brave Tip:
“Know your purpose, and align it with a business imperative. I’ve
realized that what the market needs right now is what humanity
needs. It’s gender bridge building work that brings men and
women together, to connect and collaborate differently. “
Sean’s story may resemble yours if you are close to what your
heart desires. Yes, listening to our inner mentor can be helpful
in making the brave move. If so, try this guided meditation to
meet your inner mentor, your brave, wise loving self.
Be Your Brave Exercise #3: Meet Your Inner Mentor
Sit in a calm, relaxed position
Connect your feet to the earth
Breathe in normally
We are going to go on a journey to meet your brave, wise, loving
inner mentor
Envision an opening through the roof into the sky, into the atmos-
phere through which you feel called to ascend
You have an expansive and open view of your life with no con-
strictions
Feel safe in the open dark velvet universe of which you are a part of
Step onto a beam that is going to bring you into the home of your
brave wise loving self
As you step onto the beam, you are carried into the home and are
greeted at the door of your wise self, a beautiful woman
She has a gift to share with you, and you feel immediately embraced
by her acceptance and generosity
24—Be Your Own Brave
She asks you to join her for tea, and you notice the surroundings,
the light, the paintings on the wall inside her home
Notice which direction the house faces, how it feels, the fabrics, and
the smells
Notice her face, eyes, feel the touch of her hand on your hand as she
listens to your questions:
How do I know what’s most important to me?
Who am I?
How can I follow my true song?
Your face softens, your eyes melt, your ears soften, your shoulders
slide down your back as she whispers your truth
You are relaxed and at home, remembering what it is that is so im-
portant to you
When it’s time to go, you thank her for her time
You accept her warm goodbye and step out of the house and back
onto the beam that brought you there
You leave the home and ascend into the universe with a view of your
own home clearly in sight
As you descend back down on the beam that takes you home, you
feel grateful to have met your brave wise loving self
You know you can always return, you just have to ask her your
questions...and listen to her calm, steady, and loving response
Brave Journaling - Meet Your Inner Mentor
Now, take a pen and journal the following questions:
● Describe the gift she has given you.
● How does her presence and voice change how you feel?
● Describe her home and how it made you feel.
Chapter3A- Align with Your Mission for Power―25
● What is her name?
● What has she told you that you may be ready or not to be-
lieve?
Questions that help you clarify your purpose:
● What has she said that is intriguing to you and that calls
you?
● Where is your sense of belonging? Where do you feel at
home?
● How does your home offer guidance on the path to purpose?
● How does your home feel to you? Does it reveal your pur-
pose?
● Who are you called to serve?
● What are they missing and how you can serve them?
● Who seeks out your guidance and how do you help them?
Chapter 4: - V
“It took me quite a long time to develop a voice, and now that I have it,
I am not going to be silent”.
“We need women at all levels, including the top, to change the dy-
namic, reshape the conversation, to make sure women’s voices are
heard and heeded, not overlooked and ignored.”
truth
/tro͞oTH/
noun
the quality of being true: 2. the real facts about a situation,
event , or person
voice
/vois/
verb
wish, choice, or opinion openly or formally expressed
It’s time to voice your truth after peeling away all the layers.
Voicing your truth is asking for what you want and need from
others, being authentically and unabashedly yourself. This ac-
tion is about being vulnerable and being visible with your
whole heart. It requires you to practice overcoming the voice
of conformity and fitting in to be “successful.” There’s a space
Chapter4V- Voice your Truth for Collaboration―27
for you, even as you participate in a community of like-
minded women by breaking your own “old” rules. You must
break these rules of fitting in and bust through the temptation
to twist and turn yourself into something you’re not. Some of
those rules are ones you developed based on your fears and
the influence from your inner critic.
Bravery requires that people break their own rules and go
against the voice of conformity. This “fitting in” can discon-
nect us from who we really are. It’s that balance of the oppo-
sites -- fitting in versus being who we are. Life gives us op-
portunities to grow and the way you do that is to explore the
path of nonconformity. Observe where you are conforming
and looking for opportunities to be aware of your disconnec-
tion from yourself when you are “fitting in.”
You also have to take some risks that you can reframe into
opportunity! When we think of opportunities to grow, learn,
or make a difference in the world, we can identify risks that
make sense and give us a sense of possibility, not doom. These
risks are usually outweighed by the benefits. For example,
you may not want to upset the relationships in your family
because that may be too high of a price for you to pay. Other
people may be willing to take that risk. Some are willing to
leave what they’ve known because they have such a belief in
moving towards a new goal, as opposed to away from fear.
When you reframe risk, you can also go from “the shoulds”
to something more motivating, freeing, perhaps more fun and
outrageous. It will certainly be more YOU to own the risk and
be your own brave.
28—Be Your Own Brave
How to Prepare for Your Own Brave Move
A rational mind looks at the pros and cons and makes deci-
sions by doing a cost/benefit analysis. However, human be-
ings are not rational beings and are motivated by their deep-
est desires. It’s important to know your deepest desires, so
that you can truly reframe risk and know that all is well.
This requires an easy-to-answer question, if you just ask it
enough times! That question is “what’s the worst that can
happen?” Some actions that truly change relationships re-
quire serious consideration about how to present your truth
to the world. Ask yourself, how do I feel when taking this
risk? Am I getting away from a difficult situation or moving
toward a better one? When you think about becoming visible
after years of supporting others and it’s time for you to shine,
where does fear fit in?
Why is it important to voice your truth? The reality is that if
you don’t, people won’t know who you really are and you’ll
have a harder time connecting with others.
The benefit of speaking your truth is that the people who sup-
port you will see you for who you are and encourage you on
your path and those who you are meeting for the first time
will be attracted to your authenticity. You will also draw in
like-minded people. In the business sense, think of the collab-
orations you’d like to attract and what kind of people with
which you like to share your work.
Growth doesn’t happen in a vacuum. Revealing your truth to
the world invites others to rally behind you and to help co-
create what’s next for you as your journey continues. Keeping
Chapter4V- Voice your Truth for Collaboration―29
things palatable for the sake of conformity and political cor-
rectness keeps you stuck and prevents others from knowing
the real you and investing in the real you.
Voicing your truth sometimes means supporting others by
simply being silent. You want your truth to come from a place
of who you are at your essence. This is a positive place that
will uplift others.
At some point in your life, you may have made the decision
that it was no longer safe to reveal your truth, but now you
find the courage to speak up. Speaking your truth is self ad-
vocacy alongside self compassion. The inner critic keeps our
truth well hidden for fear of ridicule and shame.
It’s time to break your own rules that keep your inner critic in
control of YOU!
Meet Lisa Liljeberg, Life Coach and Founder, Dare Dreamers
Coaching and Wild Thing Expeditions
“As a young woman, I decided to study nursing (not medicine, even
though I had the grades) because it would allow me to have children
and be a mother. I was following all the “rules” of the status
quo…that’s the way it was a few decades ago!
Thankfully, at some point, I woke up! Well, at least enough to
realize that all of that wasn’t me. I changed my major to Spanish
because I loved languages. Then I changed it to German because I
wanted to learn another language. That’s when I began to question
the status quo…and follow my heart and travel the world.
For me envisioning or dreaming has always been so im-
portant because without it, what are we doing? Simply going
to work every day, without a vision or a goal…we’re unmo-
tivated and sometimes just plain bored!
30—Be Your Own Brave
That’s what happened to me, anyway. I had a great job guiding
amazing trips all over the globe, but something was missing for me.
I wanted to do more than make a great living and have fun…I
wanted to make a difference!
That’s what precipitated my own brave move. I wanted to be “go-
ing towards” something, not just staying away from something!
It took more than 3 years of self-reflection (not to mention more
than a little self-doubt), meditation, personal growth studies, myr-
iad courses in self-discovery/higher calling/life purpose before fi-
nally deciding to become a Life Coach.
In retrospect, I’d done this kind of searching my whole life, but ear-
lier did not know that this was what I was doing. I would
simply go outside and walk, talk, look, and listen (especially
to the animals) for answers. But the courses and coaching got
me to my answers much more quickly.
Lisa’s Brave Tip:
“Surround yourself with like-minded people, mentors, and
coaches. I could have moved faster had I surrounded myself with
people who believed in empowering others to succeed on their
own terms. Somebody who has been through it and can ask you
the right questions helps you move toward your dreams much
more quickly!”
Be Your Own Brave Exercise #4: Voice Your Truth
When we are in a relaxed state of focus, as opposed to a cha-
otic state of uncertainty or insecurity, we can listen to the wis-
dom of our voice. When we practice listening to our wisdom
enough, we can then seize the opportunity to actually voice it
and share our true selves.
Chapter4V- Voice your Truth for Collaboration―31
1. Find a comfortable chair to sit in that supports an erect
back
2. Shut the door and light a candle near you
3. Begin the following body scan, which can last any-
where from 10-12 minutes
Sit back in your chair, plant your feet on the floor.
Let your shoulders slide down on your back.
Feel your eyes sink back in your sockets, place your palms up on
your lap.
Breathe through your nose, as you inhale and exhale.
Take a deep breath in and then continue to breathe normally.
Notice the thoughts coming into your head and then refocus on your
breath. Let the thoughts roll like floating clouds passing by.
Let them go, and notice the cool air coming into your nose, warm air
coming out.
Start to bring attention to the end of your fingertips and then wiggle
them.
Bring attention to your toes and wiggle them as well.
Place your right hand over your heart, feel your heart, feel the en-
ergy that comes from your heart. As you do that, you may have
thoughts popping up, but continue to focus on your breath and just
let those thoughts slide by.
Release your hand and place it on your lap and bring attention to
your belly.
Relax your belly. Notice any tension you might feel in your belly.
Breathe into that tension and release it.
32—Be Your Own Brave
Use your breath to bring attention to your throat. Notice any con-
striction or any tightness or blocks. Take a deep breath in and release
the tension in your throat.
Bring your attention to your shoulders. Notice if your shoulders are
hunched, tight, or constricted. Take a deep breath and relax your
shoulders.
Bring your attention to your eyes, let them sink into your eye sock-
ets. As you take a deep breath in, notice the space between your eye-
brows and relax your forehead. Use your breath to relax and allow
thoughts to come and then gently let them go. Don’t judge yourself
about how you’re doing it.
With each step, you’ll notice your body begin to relax more and
you’ll be less in your head and more in your body.
Notice any tingling feelings you may have in your body and breathe
into them.
Check back in with your belly, eyes, forehead, fingertips, toes, throat,
and notice how you feel now.
Lightly open your eyes and come back into the room.
Journal how you feel now. What is different now than when
you started? Does connecting through this relaxation help
you connect with your body? In what parts of the body did
you feel the most constricted energy? Just notice.
Brave Journaling - Voice Your Truth
Journal your way to clarity with these questions:
● How does your body feel?
● Notice your body signals, listen to your body wisdom.
Chapter4V- Voice your Truth for Collaboration―33
● Think of a time when you shared your truth and you
got an unexpectedly good reaction? A time when you
got a bad reaction? How did that feel?
● In what areas of your life or work do you feel you’ve
been silencing your voice? Have you been reticent to
speak up? What is behind that? Is it about needing
more info or your own belief? Is it about connection
with others that’s lacking?
● What’s keeping you from sharing your truth? What is
lacking? Knowing what is missing will help you take
steps to fill the gap.
● What’s the worst that can happen if you share your
truth?
● What is your biggest fear about sharing your truth?
● What is the best thing that can happen if you share
your truth?
● Imagine that you have shared your truth, how do you
feel?
Chapter 5 - E
“Step out of the history that is holding you back. Step into the new
story you are willing to create”.
“When you get these jobs that you are so brilliantly trained for, just re-
member that your real job is that if you are free, you need to free
somebody else. If you have some power, then your job is to empower
somebody else.”
em·pow·er
/əmˈpou(ə)r/
verb
1. Give someone agency over their life, work or decisions;
give them the control and power to choose
joy
/joi/
noun
1. a feeling of great pleasure and happiness
Over the last twenty years, women have graduated with Mas-
ter’s degrees from prestigious universities exceeding that of
men, and more women are entering the C-Suite than ever.
Chapter5E- Empower Other Women for Equity―35
But, after reviewing the stark reality of the equity gap, I won-
der if we’ve miscalculated how far working women have ac-
tually come!
The answer is that we have much farther to go, for sure! That’s
why the US Women’s Soccer Team is to be commended for
increasing awareness of gender pay equity. Meghan Rapinoe,
the team’s co-captain, single-handedly increased awareness
about pay equity following her team’s championship win
with loads of national media attention!
In general, the gender equity gap impacts all of us working
women, regardless of economic status, gender identity, or
race. The issue and impact is looming large, and it’s time that
we use our collective force to be our own catalyst to close the
gap. The mantra is simply this: Empowered Women Em-
power Other Women!
It’s a big enough societal issue for all of our creative, dispar-
ate, and important interests and skill sets. Women empower-
ing other women is a business imperative and a global human
rights opportunity that can be addressed politically, cultur-
ally, socially, and personally. Opportunities to empower
other women abound even in healthcare where women have
the majority of consumer decision making power. As Elas-
tigirl said in The Incredibles: “Leave the saving of the world to
the men? I don’t think so.” Sallie Krawcheck often mentions
this quote when she’s talking about her digital investment
platform, Ellevest.
On a professional level, it may be your calling to be an agent
of change, on the front lines, working for structural changes
that face working women in the workplace today. Or you
might focus on your personal mission to empower other
36—Be Your Own Brave
women coming up the ranks through coaching and mentor-
ing.
The question for you is this...are you ready to share your own
story and voice your truth to inspire and empower other
women now coming up the ranks in your industry or busi-
ness?
Using the voice of our own inner mentor and brave self, we
can lift other women up and shine a light on their accomplish-
ments and potential. Everyone’s path is different and when
we encourage women to align themselves with their own
truths and support them in becoming visible, we will be that
much closer to closing the equity gap.
Empowering other women to be their own brave creates a cir-
cle of women helping one another. By helping other women
find their courage, their truths, and their voice, empowerment
becomes a self-sustaining cycle. This is the path of brave
women today who have a personal or professional calling to
make a difference in the world!
Meet Yvette Jarreau, Retired Eileen Fisher Leader,
Learning & Development
“Now that I’ve retired, I have some perspective I’d love to share for
women who are in the middle of their career or seeking to change out
of what is no longer working. I can relate to that as I look back on
my experience in the business world.
After going back to college in the 80’s and several years in human
resources, I found work in a consumer packaged goods company in
marketing. It was my dream job for many years, but as many of us
figure out, our interests evolve and what was once “sexy” loses its
luster!
Chapter5E- Empower Other Women for Equity―37
About 20 years ago, I realized marketing wasn’t doing it all for me,
and I was really more motivated by the people side. A friend reached
out to me from EILEEN FISHER just as I graduated with my MFT
and was getting set up to do private practice in Marriage and Fam-
ily Therapy.
I knew that I was not going to go to EILEEN FISHER, but there’s
something about curiosity. I wanted to see what the company was
really like. I knew the clothes, and my friend said it was really amaz-
ing.
In response to an HR role in employee relations and recruiting, I
said, “I’ve done that job, and I don’t want to go back to it.” In the
process, I learned that there were some other roles in people and cul-
ture at EF they might want me to consider. And I really didn’t think
they would get back to me.
A few weeks later, low and behold, the head of HR called me. Her
appeal to me was that this was a new opportunity all about leader-
ship learning and development. Well, I thought, this is an oppor-
tunity to go, and I decided to take the interview.
During the interview, my boss-to-be explained to me that she
wanted me to lead the group, something that did not interest me at
all. I had already done “that job” and I just really wanted to do the
work. My sense was that I just wanted to be part of the team.
My well-meaning friends exclaimed, “Why are you walking away?
You just got a degree in Marriage and Family Therapy”. It was hard
to resist their logic, but my gut was telling me that I should explore
this because work systems are similar to family systems and I felt
there was a bridge. And, I wanted to use that bridge to empower
other women in the company in a way that aligned with our corpo-
rate mission.
To make a long story short, I took the job and was charged with cre-
ating and building a department whose goal was to grow leaders and
38—Be Your Own Brave
help shift the whole organization to deeper, more effective, collabo-
rative decision making. Yes, kind of like marriage and family ther-
apy!”
Yvette’s Brave Tip:
And the results are in. All the research shows collaborative,
coaching leadership is more productive. As a leader, your most
important contribution is empowering others to be deeper and
more purposeful contributors...and yes, to be better than you.
Look for the greatness and bravery in yourself and others and tap
into it.
Be Your Own Brave Exercise #5: MEDITATION FOR
CHANGE MAKERS
You may love change, but many people, including working
women, try to limit change in their life’s work. However,
change and the accompanying uncertainty doesn’t need to
create more anxiety. Explore this mindfulness practice for em-
bracing change, leading a new initiative, and appreciating the
ride, however challenging.
1. Get into a comfortable position, sitting on a chair, feet
flat on the ground.
2. Bring your attention to your breath and focus on the
air going in and out of your nostrils.
3. When thoughts invade your space, just gently let them
go. Don’t push them away, but witness them floating
away.
4. Bring your attention back to your breath.
5. Notice how the breath happens without you controlling
it—your breath is happening within you; “you” are not
choosing to breathe. Know, too, that all of the auto-
matic processes of the body—oxygenation of the cells,
Chapter5E- Empower Other Women for Equity―39
blood flow, heartbeat, and so on—are happening in the
same way. As best you can, relax into this experience.
6. Open awareness now to the whole body. As sensa-
tions rise into consciousness and pass through, recog-
nize that they are all impermanent, continually trans-
forming in intensity, location, and quality. Let them be
experienced, moment by moment, and allow them to
pass through, as best you can, without attachment or
rejection.
7. Now bring awareness to thoughts. With a friendly in-
terest, observe the patterns of thinking that are running
through the mind, like clouds passing across the sky of
the mind, making up its weather.
8. Finally, open up your mindfulness to every aspect of con-
scious experience—sensations, sights, sounds, tastes,
smells, and thoughts. Let go into the space within and
around you, remaining alert and present to whatever
comes. Allow the play of experience to happen by it-
self, resting in the flow, moment by moment. When
you notice attention wandering to a particular place,
acknowledge the wandering, and open out to the
whole panorama of experience once more.
BRAVE JOURNALING: Empowering Yourself and Others
These questions will help you zero in on your gifts, your as-
pirations, and experience empowering other women.
● Who are your female role models and why? How did
these women help shape the way you view other
women?
40—Be Your Own Brave
● What’s stirring inside you? What’s missing in the
world that women could actually make a difference to-
ward?
● What are the gifts that you have to share with other
women?
● What are the gifts that you notice in other women that
you would like them to share with you?
● What makes you feel strong?
● Think of a time when you have encouraged another
woman, how did that feel? What was the outcome?
● Think of a time when you have disparaged or demoti-
vated another women from fulfilling her path, how did
that feel? What was the outcome?
● What would you say to your awkward preteen self if
you could go back in time? What would you want her
to know? What hope could you offer her?
● How would you start your own women’s empower-
ment circle?
CONCLUSION:
Your life’s work may be more than any financial obligation or
need for a job. It can be your gift to yourself, for your personal
growth and well-being, for leading a more purposeful life. By
starting with yourself, you have the opportunity to change the
world and embark on a new journey to work well and live
well.
If your desire for strategic plans is greater than your need for
well-being, I invite you to make Be Your Own B.R.A.V.E fun-
damental to your business success. If you are more spontane-
ous about your life’s work, make this your own personal
guide to taking the next best step for yourself.
“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living
someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma -
which is living with the results of other people’s
thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions
drown out your own inner voice. And most im-
portantly, have the courage to follow your heart
and intuition.”
If you run an organization or small business with women
leaders, here’s what you can do so that your business can
thrive:
Organizations that aspire for real change towards diversity
and inclusion need to expand the tool kit they offer women so
that it addresses their unique needs, challenges, and aspira-
tions. For most competent and conscientious women, their
42—Be Your Own Brave
goals are aligned with the well-being of the organizations
they work in.
Brave Moves coaching for women’s organizations supports
women by incorporating women’s empowerment, self-care,
mindfulness, and collaborative communication skills. Brav-
ery is a skill that can be taught through these domains in an
engaging and gender-empowering way.
Are you poised to support women at work
within the context of bravery, well-being, and
leadership?
Sources:
1. Gallup Poll Wellbeing Findings https://news.gal-
lup.com/poll/224675/gallup-top-findings-2017.aspx
2. National Longitudinal Survey of Youth, 1979
https://www.nlsinfo.org/content/cohorts/nlsy79
3. MetLife Foundation Report on Caregiving and Working Women
https://www.metlife.com/about-us/newsroom/2009/decem-
ber/metlife-foundation-funds-comprehensive-report-detailing-
the-cost
4. American Progress, 2015 https://www.americanpro-
gress.org/issues/women/reports/2014/03/07/85467/womens-
leadership/
5. Pew Research, 2019. https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-
tank/2019/03/22/gender-pay-gap-facts/
6. 2018 Medscape Physician Compensation Report
7. GoRed.org https://www.goredforwomen.org
8. Mayo Clinic. https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-condi-
tions/depression/in-depth/depression/art-20047725
9. Bureau of Labor Statistics, 2019 https://www.bls.gov/news.re-
lease/wkyeng.t03.htm
10. Harvard Business Review https://hbr.org/2017/03/the-busier-
you-are-the-more-you-need-quiet-time
Testimonials
“If you want to reignite your life’s work, bravery is the way
to start. Kelley has been a strategic communications coach for
me during a crisis at work and helped me see that I was work-
ing in my sweet spot even though it was really scary. Thank
you for your focus on bravery as a pathway to success for
women!”
“Kelley’s Brave Moves coaching identifies and supports the
cornerstone of bravery -- the inner work and resulting per-
sonal growth that lets us be our most inspired and powerful
selves.”
“Find Your Own Brave fuels a personal leadership coaching
paradigm that makes women the heroes in their own stories.
Kelley has captured this zeitgeist in a way that’s inspiring as
she shares other women’s pathways to a renewed success!”
44—Be Your Own Brave
“If you’re wondering what to do next and are tired of rein-
venting yourself yet again, you have to ready Kelley’s book,
which is a call to action for women leaders. Kelley inspires
women to be the change they want to see in the world by con-
necting their head and heart – a strategy from the inside out!”
“I got a lot out of the workshop “Amplify Your Brand” with
Kelley’s facilitation. She knows how to blend mindfulness
with branding yourself and your business so you can really
believe in what motivates you.”
“I enjoyed working with Kelley to amplify my business brand
in a way that speaks to my passions and strengths; a consult-
ant & coach who helps accelerate breakthroughs of leaders,
teams and organizations. I’m inspired to dive deeper and
move my business forward in a new way!”
“I loved collaborating with Kelley on the “Amplifying Your
Brand” workshop as she connected her brave moves coaching
with the science and art of brand identity for senior consult-
ants.
“For me, becoming an entrepreneur after more than 20 years
in Corporate America didn’t seem very brave at the time.
Testimonials―45
Only after reading Kelley’s book did I realize ‘not knowing’
was my accidental Brave Move!”
I wrote this book to inspire women
leaders, change agents and entrepre-
neurs to connect with their brave,
wise self and reignite their life’s
work. We often look only for confi-
dence to move forward but when we
are embarking on a new chapter
where there are many unknowns and
uncertainties, the next move requires
bravery.
Bravery comes from a head heart connection, as well as the
wisdom to take meaningful risks. Whether you are consider-
ing a shift, pivot or leap to your next phase of your life’s work,
this guide book will reignite your efforts through your own
brave moves.
It all starts with self-leadership, listening to the brave, wise
you that overcomes the inner critic – one thought at a time.
The time is now for women of all life stages to collectively rise,
be brave, and be the change the world needs today!
Join me on this journey at KelleyConnors.com and let’s con-
nect! My email is [email protected]