Behavior, Discipline, and Relationships

“The key to achievement for students from poverty is in creating relationships with

them.”-Ruby Payne

“Teachers and administrators know that relationships make a

great deal of difference, but since 1980 the energies in

schools have shifted mostly to achievement.”-Ruby Payne

Key Ideas…

• Two things that help one move out of poverty are education and relationships.

• Belief in one’s self results in more successes. By teaching students appropriate vs inappropriate behaviors and allowing them choices, fosters independence while building relationships.

Key Ideas…

• It is vitally important that students and teachers share a relationship of trust.

• Positive teacher student relationships aid in fewer discipline problems.

• No significant learning occurs without a significant relationship.

• Teachers and administrators know that relationships make a great deal of difference

• The purpose of discipline should be to promote successful behaviors at school.

Behaviors Related to Poverty…

• Laughs When Disciplined• Argues Loudly with Teacher• Angry Response• Inappropriate or Vulgar

Comments• Physically Fights• Hands Always on Someone

Else• Cannot Follow Directions

• Extremely Disorganized• Only Completed Part of a

Task• Disrespectful to teacher• Harms Other Students,

Verbally or Physically• Cheats or Steals• Constantly Talks

How Do You Respond/React?

ActivityChoose 2 behaviors. Using a post-it note, write your response/reaction to a student

exhibiting that behavior. Place your post-its on the behavior posters.

Norms…

• Schools operate from middle class norms and values.

• The culture of poverty does not provide for success in the middle class because the middle class to a large extent requires the self-governance of behavior. To be successful in work and in school requires the self-governance of behavior.

• We must neither excuse them nor scold them, we must teach them.

Behaviors and Consequences…

• Expected behaviors and consequences of not choosing those behaviors must be clearly outlined.

• We must teach them that there are two sets of rules, street and school/work.

• The individual always has choice and with each choice comes consequence.

• What does this remind you of?

Choices…

• When something happens, you give students an index card to answer four questions:– 1. What did you do?– 2. Why did you do that?– 3. List 4 other things you could have done.– 4. What will you do next time?

3 Voices…

• Child– Defensive, victimized, emotional, whining, losing

attitude, strongly negative non-verbal• Parent– Authoritative, directive, judgmental, evaluative, win-

lose mentality, demanding, punitive, sometimes threatening

• Adult– Non-judgmental, free of negative non-verbal, factual,

often in question format, attitude of win-win

3 Voices…

• Educators tend to speak in the parent voice.• The adult voice is about negotiation (nonthreatening).• Language of survival and negotiation• Students who have become their own parent quite

young often do not have an internal adult voice – they only have child and parent voices.

• Teaching students to use the adult voice is important for their success in and out of school and can become an alternative to physical aggression. Model the adult voice in daily student interactions.

Discipline…

• Disciplinary actions by educators are often made based on achievement and/or socioeconomic levels.

• In poverty, discipline is often about penance and forgiveness.

• The purpose of discipline should be to promote successful behavior at school.

• Structure and choice need to be a part of the discipline approach. Discipline should be a form of instruction.

Educator Questions (before discipline)…

• What kinds of behaviors does a child need to be successful?

• Does the child have the resources to develop those behaviors?

• Will it help to contact parents? • How will behaviors be taught?• What are the other choices the child could make?• What will help the child repeat the successful

behavior?

Discipline…

• To discipline your student, use these steps:– Stop the behavior that is inappropriate– Tell the child what he or she did that is wrong– Tell the child why the behavior was wrong and

its consequences– Tell the child how to behave the next time

How Should You Respond/React?

Activity Revisited

How You Should Respond/React…

• Laughs When Disciplined• Argues Loudly with Teacher• Angry Response• Inappropriate or Vulgar

Comments• Physically Fights• Hands Always on Someone

Else• Cannot Follow Directions

• Extremely Disorganized• Only Completed Part of a

Task• Disrespectful to teacher• Harms Other Students,

Verbally or Physically• Cheats or Steals• Constantly Talks

Relationships…

• Make the deposits that are the basis of relationships.

• A successful relationship in the school setting occurs when emotional deposits are made to the student.

• Honoring students as human beings worthy of respect and care is to establish a relationship that will provide for enhanced learning.

Creating Relationships…

Deposits• Appreciation for humor and

entertainment

• Acceptance of what the individual cannot say about a person or situation

• Respect for the demands and priorities of relationships

Withdrawals• Put-downs or sarcasm

about the humor of the individual

• Insistence and demands for full explanation about a person or situation

• Insistence on the middle-class view of relationships

Creating Relationships…

Deposits• Using the adult voice• Assisting with goal-setting

• Identifying options related to available resources

• Understanding the importance of personal freedom, speech, and individual personality

Withdrawals• Using the parent voice• Telling the individual his/her

goals• Making judgments on the

value and availability of resources

• Assigning offensive character traits to the individual

Building Student Relationships…

• Call on everyone in the room equitably• Provide individual help• Give wait time• Ask questions to give student clues about the

answer• Tell student whether answers are right or

wrong• Give specific praise

Building Student Relationships…

• Give reasons for praise• Listen• Accept feelings of the student• Get within an arm’s reach of each student each

day• Be courteous to students• Show personal interest and give compliments• Desist (do not call attention to every negative

behavior)

Student Behaviors + Teacher Reactions+ or - Relationships

“When students who have been in poverty (and have successfully made

it into middle class) are asked how they made the journey, the answer nine times out of ten has to do with a relationship – a teacher, counselor, or coach who made a suggestion or

took an interest in them as individuals.”-Ruby Payne

Parental Involvement…

• Mutual Respect• Use of Casual Register• Household Discipline• Understanding the Household Dynamic• Role of School and Education

Speaking to Parents…In Poverty• This will help him/her:

– win more often.– be respected and in control. – be smarter.

• This is a legal requirement.• This will keep him/her from being

cheated.• I know that you love and care

about your child very much or you would not have come to see me.

In Affluence• This coping strategy will help him/her

be more successful in the corporate world.

• Responsibility and decision making are learned behaviors. We can give him/her the competitive edge as an adult by learning these behaviors now.

• This will keep him/her safe.• This will help him/her have an

advantage.• This is a legal requirement.• This is an investment in your child’s

future success.• He/she will need

processes/skills/content in the work world.

Parental Involvement…

• Parents of various cultures or socio-economic groups may have a dissimilar view of education than the norm which can appear uninvolved or unconcerned for their children’s education.

• A positive relationship with a student leads to a positive relationship with a parent.

• A positive relationship with a parent leads to a positive relationship with a student.

Final Thoughts…

• An understanding of the culture and values of poverty will lessen the anger and frustration that educators may feel when dealing with students and parents.

• Student achievement is influenced by many different factors, but the greatest influence may be poverty.” (Burney & Beilke, 2008)

Resources…

• Burney, V. H. & Beilke, J. R. (2008). The constraints of poverty on high achievement. Journal for the Education of the Gifted, 31(3), 171-197.

• Payne, R. (1996). A framework for understanding poverty. 4th ed. Highlands, TX: Aha! Process.