being an emotional coach to gifted children
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Copyright @ 2011 Christine FonsecaTRANSCRIPT
Giftedkids.ie Webinar Series
Being an Emotional Coach to
Gifted ChildrenPresented by
Christine FonsecaAuthor: Emotional Intensity in Gifted
Students and 101 Success Secrets for Gifted Kids
Supported by Social Entrepreneurs Ireland,
C.T.Y.I. & N.C.T.E.
Being an Emotional Coach to
Gifted Children
A Guide for Parents and Educators
Presented by:Christine N. Fonseca, MS PPS
Author of Emotional Intensity in Gifted Students and 101 Success Secrets for Gifted Kids
Learning Targets
In this presentation, you’ll learn:
• Why gifted children need emotional coaching
• A clear understanding of the attributes of effective coaching
• Specific strategies for coaching gifted kids
Presentation is the sole property of Christine Fonseca. No parts may be
reproduced without expressed permission from the author.
Characteristics of Giftedness
• Intellectual– Exceptional reasoning ability
– Intellectual curiosity
– Rapid learning rate
– Facility with abstracts
– Complex thought processes
– Vivid imagination
– Early moral concern
– Passion for learning (not necessarily for school)
• Personality/Emotional
– Insightful
– Need to understand
– Need for mental stimulation
– Perfectionism
– Need for precision or logic
– Excellent sense of humor
– Sensitivity/empathy
– Intensity
Presentation is the sole property of Christine Fonseca. No parts may be
reproduced without expressed permission from the author.
Potential problems with being gifted
• School:– Easily bored/frustrated in
school– Problem focusing on the
mundane– Scattered; disorganized; too
many projects at once– Reads at the expense of social
development– Boredom in school; resist
repetitive assignments; inaccurate or sloppy work
– Little to no patience for regular math work or showing work in math
– “Tunnel” vision; stubborn, poor switching of tasks or changing of sets
– Lack of sufficient challenge in schoolwork
– Can not finish assignments; hard time making decisions
– Poor Study habits– Resists sameness and routine
tasks; insists on intellectual challenges
– Poor risk taking– Wonders off subject
Presentation is the sole property of Christine Fonseca. No parts may be
reproduced without expressed permission from the author.
Potential problems with being gifted
• Peers:
– Impatient; arrogant
– Can’t connect with peers; stubborn
– Social avoidance
– Talks too much; seems conceited; listening problems
– Seems bossy; nonconformist;
– “Loner”; resistant to fitting in with class, popular culture or peers
– Poor communication with peers
– Isolation from peers
Presentation is the sole property of Christine Fonseca. No parts may be
reproduced without expressed permission from the author.
Potential problems with being gifted
• Emotional:– Emotionally intense
– Unrealistic expectations of self and others; perfectionist; depression;
– Excessively competitive
– Low frustration tolerance
– Easily hurt
– Feels powerless to solve world problems
– Impatient; sees too much
– Disruptive; class clown
– Uses humor to seek attention
– Excessive questioning (why, why)
– Goes too far; seems disruptive;
– unable to accept help
Presentation is the sole property of Christine Fonseca. No parts may be
reproduced without expressed permission from the author.
Emotional Intensity – A closer look
• Emotional Intensity is expressed as:
– Intense feelings
• Positive
• Negative
• Both together
• Complex emotion the moves rapidly from one to another
• Extreme empathy
Presentation is the sole property of Christine Fonseca. No parts may be
reproduced without expressed permission from the author.
Emotional Intensity – A closer look
• Emotional Intensity is expressed as:
– Body reaction • Stomach aches
• Blushing
• Heart palpitations
• Headache
• nausea
– Inhibition• Timid
• Shy
Presentation is the sole property of Christine Fonseca. No parts may be
reproduced without expressed permission from the author.
Emotional Intensity – A closer look
• Emotional Intensity is expressed as:
– Affective Memory
• Relive feelings over and over again
– Fears
– Anxieties
– Feelings of guilt
Presentation is the sole property of Christine Fonseca. No parts may be
reproduced without expressed permission from the author.
Emotional Intensity – A closer look
• Emotional Intensity is expressed as:
– Feelings of being out of control
– Depressive moods
– Strong emotional attachments to people and things
– Critical self-evaluations
• Feelings of inadequacy
Presentation is the sole property of Christine Fonseca. No parts may be
reproduced without expressed permission from the author.
Extroversion
• Highly verbal
• Peer relationships
– Problems understanding social cues
– Problems with competition
– Overall impact of peer difficulties
Presentation is the sole property of Christine Fonseca. No parts may be
reproduced without expressed permission from the author.
Introversion
• Two personas– Public– Private Learn by watching
• Become grouchy if around people for too long• Need down time
– Need personal space
• Easily humiliated• Rarely interrupt
– Hate being interrupted
• Quiet with some people– Need significant “warm up” time
Presentation is the sole property of Christine Fonseca. No parts may be
reproduced without expressed permission from the author.
What does this have to do with coaching?
“Coaching moves away from telling a child what do to, and focuses on giving him or her the tools necessary to independently figure things out (Cook, 1999).”
- Emotional Intensity in Gifted Students, page 125.
Presentation is the sole property of Christine Fonseca. No parts may be
reproduced without expressed permission from the author.
What does this have to do with coaching?
Coaching enables the parent or educator to reach the child and TEACH specific strategies so THEY can learn to self monitor and adjust behavior.
In short, being an emotional coach helps the child build their emotional intelligence (EQ).
Presentation is the sole property of Christine Fonseca. No parts may be
reproduced without expressed permission from the author.
Global Attributes of an Effective Coach
• Understands the child at a deep level
• Seeks new information when needed
• Understands the nature of giftedness
• Knows how to motivate
• Knows how to listen
• Knows how to communicate effectively
• Consistent discipline
• Leads by example
• Is committed to the process of growth
Presentation is the sole property of Christine Fonseca. No parts may be
reproduced without expressed permission from the author.
Effective Communication
• Understand your child.
• Clearly express your needs and wants to your child without blaming.
• Practice active listening skills and teach them to your child
• Communication happens in both verbal and nonverbal ways. Pay attention to both.
• Learn to deal effectively with roadblocks as the come up.
Presentation is the sole property of Christine Fonseca. No parts may be
reproduced without expressed permission from the author.
Roadblocks to Communication
• Typical child-based roadblocks
– Whining
– Yelling or crying
– Ignoring
• Typical adult-based roadblocks
– Threatening
– Shaming
– Making judgments
Presentation is the sole property of Christine Fonseca. No parts may be
reproduced without expressed permission from the author.
Effective Facilitation
• Focus on the teaching the following to the child:– Recognizing intense
feelings and behaviors
– Understanding the source of those feelings
– How to redirect the feelings into more productive behaviors
• Use modeling and prompting techniques to teach desired outcomes
• Focus is on teaching how to think, not whatto think.
Presentation is the sole property of Christine Fonseca. No parts may be
reproduced without expressed permission from the author.
Inspiring Others
• Start with a strong commitment to both the child and their unique growth process.
• See difficult times as opportunities to make positive growth.
• Be a source of motivation.
• Demonstrate unconditional high regard for the child, no matter how hard things get.
• Provide the foundation needed to navigate through the hard times.
Presentation is the sole property of Christine Fonseca. No parts may be
reproduced without expressed permission from the author.
Appropriate issues for “coaching”
• Self monitoring of behavior
• Understanding the meaning of being gifted
• Dealing with intensity – both cognitive and emotional
• All of the potential problems outlined earlier are good for this type of technique
Presentation is the sole property of Christine Fonseca. No parts may be
reproduced without expressed permission from the author.
Specific Strategies
• Emotional:– See emotional intensity as a NORMAL part of
being gifted
– Use intellect to develop self-awareness and self-acceptance
– Discuss feeling openly
– Consistent discipline
– Relaxation techniques
– Teach an appropriate outlets for frustration
Final Thoughts
• Give yourself a break – parenting and educating gifted kids is both rewarding and challenging!
• Seeking additional resources if things are overwhelming
– Books
– Schools
– Mental Health professionals
Presentation is the sole property of Christine Fonseca. No parts may be
reproduced without expressed permission from the author.
Questions?
• Questions?
• Contact Information:
Christine Fonseca
Website – http://christinefonseca.com
Blog – http://christinefonseca.wordpress.com
Email – [email protected]
Presentation is the sole property of Christine Fonseca. No parts may be
reproduced without expressed permission from the author.
Christine Fonseca – Author of Emotional Intensity in Gifted
Students and 101 Success Secrets for Gifted Kids.
Christine Fonseca has worked in the field of
education for more than 10 years. Relying on her
expertise as a school psychologist, she has been a
resource to parents and educators for understanding
the social and emotional needs of gifted children.
She holds a master’s degree in school psychology
and has served as a school psychologist, speaker,
consultant, parenting coach and trainer. Currently,
Christine conducts trainings for parents and
educators in the Southern California area, where she
lives with her husband and gifted daughters. Her
recent release, Emotional Intensity in Gifted
Students (Prufrock Press, 2010) has received great
reviews from both parents and educators.
In addition to writing books related to
giftedness, Christine writes novels for teens that deal
with the often intense emotions felt during
adolescence When she is not directly working with
children and parents, she spends her time at her
favorite coffee house, writing her next book. If you
would like to learn more about Christine, please visit:
www.christinefonseca.com.
Christine Fonseca – Author of Emotional Intensity in Gifted
Students and 101 Success Secrets for Gifted Kids.
Designed to provide support for the difficult job of parenting and teaching
gifted children, Emotional Intensity in Gifted Students: Helping Kids Cope
with Explosive Feelings provides the resource parents and teachers need to
not only understand why gifted children are so extreme in their behavior, but
also learn specific strategies to teach gifted children how to live with their
intensity.
•AVAILABLE THROUGH PRUFROCK PRESS, AMAZON, AND OTHER
FINE RETAILERS
WHAT READERS ARE SAYING…
“I cannot recommend this book strongly enough. Ms. Fonseca's understanding, compassion,
and enthusiasm for gifted and talented children shines in this easily understood read. Her
amusing and sometimes heart breaking examples explain the frustration and brilliance of the
gifted in a way I've never seen before. Parents, Teachers, you need this book.”
-Julie R Fedynich, parent
“Simply put, buying and reading this book will be one of the best investments a parent or
educator can ever make as they guide the gifted children in their care.”
-Lisa Conrad, parent and author
Pssst! Want to know a secret? 101 Success Secrets for Gifted Kids: The
Ultimate Handbook is a must-read for gifted kids ages 8 to 12 who want to find
success in school and life. If you’re a gifted kid or you know gifted kids, you need
the 101 awesome secrets, tips, and tricks included in this book!
•AVAILABLE MAY 1, 2011. PREORDER NOW THROUGH PRUFROCK
PRESS, AMAZON AND OTHER FINE RETAILERS
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