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THE INNER CIRCLE NEWSLETTER

Welcome back to another issue of theInner Circle Newsletter! This months DVDdiscusses the importance of body language andhow to project yourself in a confident, andattractive, way to the world!

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How To Get Her Chasing YouBy: Eric Disco

The best guys out there know something that other guys dont know.

There are a lot of important components to getting great with women,but one important concept, particularly when it comes to veryattractive women, is qualification.

As Ive talked about before, your over-all goal in your interaction witha woman is to show genuine appreciation. If she feels like you saw

2something in her that no one else could, then she will feel differentlyabout you than every other guy in the world.

And when I say genuine appreciation, it usually means appreciation ofsomething shes shared with you. Maybe shes passionate aboutpainting and you can say Wow, I really like that. Youre passionate.Thats important.

The problem is, most women wont just come out and display theirinnermost important qualitiesand they wont display it to justanyone. There needs to be attraction there first.

You start interacting with her and, ideally, she is attracted to you.Part of this is that you simply took the initiativetook the leadtocome up to her and talk to her. Another part of this may be that youare fun and flirty, you show confidence and personality, you haveconfident body language, you touch her in the right way, etc.

You show your attractive qualitieswhich happens very quickly. Youcan tell shes attracted if shes smiling or intently focused on you.

Then its time to appreciate her.

If she starts opening up, then thats great. You can begin emotionallyconnecting her without challenging her in any way.

But with extremely attractive women, what sometimes happens is thatyou walk up to her, you show some attractive qualities, and then shedoes reveal something about herself, but its not enough.

Maybe she thinks youre confident and cool, so shell give you amoment. You ask her what she does and she gives you one-wordanswers.

Its not usually that shes shy, its often that there just isnt enoughattraction there.

Yes, you were attractive when you came up to her. And thereforeshes giving you a minute. But this girl is very attractive. And shegets guys talking to her all the time. So shes not going to display herinner most beauty to you right away. She wants to see what elseyouve got.

3Most guys make the mistake of trying to impress her. They talk abouthow awesome their life is or try to build themselves up in some way toher.

The problem with this is that you are always fighting a losing battle.Always. No matter how cool you appear to her, the overall tone of theinteraction is that of you trying to impress her. That means she is thedecider. It is still her deciding whether you are good enough for her.

And so even if she does decide you are good enough, you still need tocontinue to impress her for as long as you know her.

Its like you are going to a job interview. You may be extremelyqualified for the job, but shes still the boss interviewing you.

A guy who is great with women knows how to flip this around so thatits him deciding if shes good enough for him. Its called qualification.

Qualification is huge. This is how you get her to try to win yourapproval. In a certain sense, this is at the heart of all game. Insteadof you trying to impress her and win her over, she is trying to win youover.

Qualification is a tool that allows you to amp up the interaction tomake you more of a challenge.

If there is no attraction or rapport there in the first place, qualificationdoesnt work.

Qualification is not in itself a way to attract her or connect with her.

Qualification is based on the fact that she has already investedsomething in you, no matter how small.

You are baiting her to display more of herself by building on what shehas already displayed.

One of the reasons that qualification is such a difficult concept forpeople to grasp is that you cant really use a line for qualification.Theres a line that people use to try and qualify:

So youre beautiful, but what do you have going for you beyond yourbeauty?

4This line, in my opinion, is not only useless, but its not trulyqualifying.

This is because the original aspect of her being beautiful was notsomething she displayed to you based on attraction. She is beautifulto everyone.

But lets suppose you found out, from talking to her, that shes alawyer. This is something that she has revealed to you inconversation. And she revealed that because there was someattraction in the first place.

You could go up to a random woman on the street and say What doyou do for a living? If there is no attraction there at all, she wont tellyou. She wont stand there and talk to you.

But if you approached her and she stays and talks to you, you canassume theres some attraction there.

If shes going to stay there and talk to you shell usually revealsomething about herself no matter how begrudgingly she does it orhow small it is.

But there may not be enough to get into really deep rapport,particularly if shes gorgeous and a lot of men approach her.

So lets say she reveals to you that shes a lawyer but isnt giving youmuch else.

This is where qualification starts to become important. You take whatshe revealed to you, validate her, and then throw out a qualifyingquestion.

One of my favorite ways to do this is to think about what shes givenyou (she said shes a lawyer), tell her what you think is cool about it,and then think about in your mind what is generally considered badabout lawyers.

Maybe lawyers are too uptight and dont know how to have fun.

So you validate what shes given you, then throw back a qualifyingquestion:

5Oh cool, youre a lawyer? Wow, that takes dedication. But wait,youre not one of those girls who doesnt know how to have fun, areyou?

Im using what she told me to come across as a challenge and furtheramp the interaction.

Ideally, she will bite and display herself even more. She may tell methat she likes to rock climb. Then I can validate her on that andpossibly even qualify again or simply just go deeper with her into whatshes loves about rock climbing to build an emotional connection.

Qualification is a somewhat advanced technique. You must first learnhow to

1) Get some kind of attraction first, no matter how small. If she wontengage in conversation in the first place, trying to use qualification toget to her engage in conversation wont work.

2) Truly emotionally connect with her. If shes sensing you dont knowhow to appreciate what shes already given you, then she wontdisplay herself any further no matter how challenging you comeacross.

Qualification is one of the most important aspects of getting great withwomen. But once in place, it starts to make all your interactions a loteasier.

One of the great things about starting to qualify women is that after awhile they can hear it in your voice tone. After a while, you give off avibe that you are checking to see if shes good enough for you. Shefeels like youre trying to find out if she qualifies to be with you.

When you get good at qualifying, you no longer think about impressingher. You are no longer struggling and struggling to pour on moreattraction by displaying yourself. Instead, youre challenging her todisplay herself.

She starts to wonder whether shes good enough for you and stopswondering whether youre good enough for her.

And she wants that! She wants to feel that if she were slightly lesscool than she was, you wouldnt be with her.

6That makes her feel like shes living up to her fullest potential. Thatsexciting for her.

Meeting Women in High Energy Clubs & BarsBy: Robbie Kramer

Over the past year, Brian and I have been helping guys strip away theanxiety and nervousness they feel around women. In no time at all, ahuge percentage of these guys have completely turned their sociallives around and last week I took 4 clients out to a college type bar inHollywood called Happy Endings to see how theyd do in a high energyenvironment. This bar is basically filled with college girls, a lot of themlooked underage and frat boy types. The music is loud, the drinks arecheap and everyone gets wasted playing beer pong and flip cup. Yeah,I told you College bar!

Of the 4 clients I had with me, one of them clearly had a way higherlevel of anxiety and nervousness, yet over the course of the evening,he made out with multiple women including 2 girls at once and had thetime of his life! Lets call him Client A. Interestingly, the client who hadthe least amount of anxiety and the best communication skills had avery tough time in that environment. Lets call him Client B. This leadme to a realization

Even though client B had way less anxiety, better communicationskills, more money, rockin style and a grounded energy, he was notable to let go, get out of his head and have fun in that sort of crazyenvironment. Now, if we had been out meeting women during the dayat Nordstroms, client B would have had a MUCH easier time then clientA. I noticed what was going on that night, so rather then instructingclient B to do a bunch of approaches which would have failedmiserably, I instructed him to stare at a flyer I found on the floor andtalk jibberish to it until it made him laugh. After a minute, hesubstantially let go of all his thoughts and got out of his head enoughto start connecting with the crazy people in the bar. But the concept ofnot thinking logically and acting like a total idiot was so foreign to himthat staying in that state was very difficult.

If you are wondering what the point of all of this is then Ill let youhave it. I constantly meet analytical guy after analytical guy thatwants to get better with women and rock the bar and club scene butthey are looking for a logical and analytical way to approach it. This iswhy analytical approaches, techniques and step by step systems WILL

7NOT work if youre in your head. So the next time you are out, forgetall that mumbo jumbo bullshit that these pickup artists are preachingto you and just try to let go, be crazy, make a fool of yourself andhave some fun. Meeting women in a bar should be crazy, fun, excitingand completely insane, and if its not, I guarantee you are sucking andnot having a good time.

Six Myths The Nice Guy BelievesBy: Eric DiscoThe nice guy.

His world is held together by certain ingrained beliefs.

These beliefs cause him to fail with women.

Heres a closer look at the myths the nice guy believes and what to doinstead.

Myth 1: Being nice makes women feel better.

The nice guy is always on the lookout for other peoples feelings.

He tends to treat women like theyre weak, fragile creatures that willcrumble if he isnt extra careful with her.

Picture the scene. You just met her. You ended up having an amazingnight with her. Morning roles around and you have stuff to do.

You could say Hey baby, Im really sorry, but I gotta do some stufftoday, so I cant really hang out in bed with you much more. Is thatokay?

Or you could say Alright Im kicking you out! with a wink and asmack on the ass.

The first way turns her stomach. If the fact that you have things to dodoesnt bother her, it will make her feel like a child.

If she is sad that you have to get out of bed so soon, the first way willmake her feel worse because she senses how you feel about it.

You feel bad, so she feels bad.

8This isnt to say that you should never think about her feelings. But95% of the time, the nice guy is needlessly probing how she feels.

Hes expecting her to be hurt every time he asserts himself. Thisannoys her to no end.

Instead take the lead and let her know how you feel. She can respondhow she wants. Shes a grown-up.

Myth 2: Getting smarter, more confident, or learning how people reactwill take the mystery out of Love and therefore render Love less likelyto happen.

Ah, the blind idealistic naivet of my youth. In a way it was beautiful.

Every once in a while I would fall hopelessly in love with a woman whotreated me like garbage. And I had no idea why.

It was nice because I didnt need to take responsibility.

I could just wallow in the pathetic predicament that the stars, theuniverse, god, her or anyone else had put me in.

I could blame everyone but myself. I didnt have to experience theanxiety of changing my situation and possibly failing.

I didnt have to risk doing anything that could possibly lay blame onmyself for my failures.

Learning to be better and smarter with women does not render Loveless likely to happen.

Part of becoming better with women is becoming more in tune withhow you feel. It is about feeling more at the appropriate time andplace.

This renders not only Love, but true happiness much more likely tohappen.

Myth 3: There is a fine line between being assertive and beingaggressive.

9Assertive is good, the thinking goes, because you never step intosomeone elses boundaries.

Aggressive is badbordering on criminalbecause to cross someoneelses boundaries is wrong.

In reality, there is no line between assertive and aggressive. Thereis no way that you can be completely unobjectionable and not stepover anyones boundaries.

Almost any initiative you take can be construed as overstepping herboundaries, from walking up to her and talking to her, to holding herhand on the first date.

It is impossible to explicitly ask permission every time you takeinitiative with her.

You can and must respect her when she declines, and you should bereading her signals, but being a bit more aggressive than you havebeen in the past is part of getting better with women.

Myth 4: If you are in a relationship, regardless of how happy you are,you as a guy need to settle for who youre with, because wanting moremeans that you are a bad person.

This is more of a feeling than an outright assertion for nice guys.

You are with a girl. Somehow you got into an exclusive relationshipwith her. You care about her. But you arent happy.

And you decide to stay in it because you feel like to want more meansthat you are mean or bad or you want too much.

Staying in an unhappy relationship does not serve her or yourself.

As much as she may be into you, if you arent happy with her, it isbetter for everyone involved if you end the relationship, no matter howmuch temporary pain it may cause both of you.

Myth 5: Not moving into an exclusive relationship with a woman youreseeing means that you are tricking her or that you had falsepretenses.

There are a lot of shoulds for the nice guy.

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He feels like he should be nice to her.

He feels like he should get her flowers.

He feels like he should check how shes feeling.

He feels like he should commit to her.

Youre shoulding all over her.

No woman wants to be with a guy who is constantly doing thingsbecause he feels he should do them.

Getting better with women is about learning to get in touch with yourown feelings and what you want.

She may not want an exclusive relationship. She may be happy withwhere things are.

She may not be ready for a relationship.

Or if she does express interest in taking things to the next level, youmay not be ready it.

To assume an exclusive relationship is always the best thing right nowrisks strangling her feelings or yours.

Myth 6: Having become more confident or acted more aggressive, youare missing out on opportunities you would have had if you had beennice.

As a former nice guy, there is always a lingering thought in the back ofmy mind that I am missing out on that special girl who would havejust happened to come along if I had only sat and waited instead ofbecome more confident.

This is perhaps one of the most powerful myths of all.

Why?

If you ask what Western civilizations dominant religion is, most peoplewould answer Christianity.

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But there is a religion that is much stronger and more influential.

Its the western ideal of True Love.

Its the idea that everyone of us has that perfect mate out there andshe will come along sooner or later if we just be ourselves.

Almost every romantic comdedy, action adventure and Disney moviehas convincingly preached this idea to us since we were children.

This myth tells us that if we are unobjectionable enough and keepdoing what were doing, Love will come to us. Its not something youcan go out and find.

Its true that if you become more confident and take more initiativeyou will experience a lot more rejection than if you are the shy,introspective guy hiding in a corner with a beer in his hand.

And some techniques are slimy. Some things you try will turnwomen off.

But you know from past experience that what you were doing wasntworking.

Part of the growth process for any endeavor is pushing yourself to dowhat you were previously uncomfortable doing.

Have some faith in yourself to be able to sort the good from the bad.

You are a real, thinking, feeling human being that can discern whensomething feels wrong.

Contrary to your fearful inclination, more niceness is not the solution.

True confidence in yourself and your own feelings is the solution.

You can become a confident, independent man who loves and feels forwomen without being overly care-taking and mushy.

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