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[email protected] www.andrewfuller.com.au 1

Breakthrough mentoringAndrew Fuller

Effective mentoring is about creating positive relationships through engagement and thenusing a variety of strategies (advocacy, mediation, counselling, tracking) to help peopleremove the obstacles that prevent them from achieving the outcomes they want for theirlives.

There are a variety of ways of shifting emotions and behaviours. The most well knowncomes from cognitive behavioural theory (CBT). This is based on the idea of changing yourthoughts leads to changes in your behaviour.

Another way of modifying emotions and behaviours comes from eastern philosophies thatemphasise the impermanence of human experience. These approaches centre on mindfullyfocusing on the emotion that is being felt and observing it as it dilutes and disperses.

A third approach to altering emotions and behaviours is experiential learning. In thisapproach the emphasis is on the body-memories that accompany particular emotions. Thesecan be perceived within the body or occur as repetitive cycles due to brain circuitry andneurochemical states. In this approach the aim is to give the person an opportunity toexperience for some time an alteration in their physical habits so that the body can recover.

For example, a person who has grown up in violent and abusive circumstances will developan easily excitable early-warning system in their amygdala that will predispose them toperceive threats where they may not exist. Additionally their ability to release adrenalineand cortisol is in rapid-fire mode.

The approach involves altering neurochemical balance in order to create change. Neuro-plasticity means that changes in experience create changes in brain circuitry.

These three approaches are integrated in resilience-focused mentoring.

Andrew lectures in child, adolescent and family psychology and is a Fellow ofthe Department of Psychiatry and the Department of Learning andEducational Development at the University of Melbourne. Andrew and hisassociates conduct a private practice Ph: (03) 9894 39 39.

Andrew is the author of “Tricky Kids”, “Guerilla Tactics for teachers” “RaisingReal People”, “From Surviving to Thriving - Promoting Mental Health in YoungPeople”, “Help Your Child Succeed At School”, “Beating Bullies”, “WorkSmarter Not Harder”


Imprinting and marketing a positive culture

You are in the marketing business. You are marketing toyoung people about the desirability of change andpossibilities for themselves; marketing to parents aboutappropriate behaviours, attitudes and educationalmethods; and trickiest of all, marketing to othercolleagues.

The key phases of constructing a positive culture in aschool are:

1. Have no more than three coherent messages2. Ensure that you make small requests early- they buildcultures of co-operation3. Model desired behaviours- people imitate the behaviourthey see4. Use visual proximal prompts and reminders5. Enlist public promises6.Procedures lead to habits lead to routines- ensure youhave routines. Put your emphasis on classroom managementrather than on discipline.

Know what computer game designersknowThe people who design computer games know a lotabout engaging kids in learning. Some of theprinciples they use include:* Success needs to occur within 3 tries* Knowledge is not just acquired but is also usedalmost immediately* Rapid, self-scoring feedback is used to help refinesuccessful strategies* Psychosocial moratorium- people are placed insituations where they can take risks while real lifeconsequences are lowered* Mirroring effect- young people are allowed to takeon adult like roles* People seek out challenges especially if they havea sense they can be successful.* Success is contagious!Belonging can be promoted through sharedactivities

Share YourProcedures

For calming someonedown:

For lessening worry:

For energising:

When defusingconflict:

For instilling hope:


Resilience based mentoring -Engagement - Incorporating valuesUnder-lyingValues

DifficultEmotion

CommonBehaviours

Person'smetaphors

Passion points

I want tobe free

AngerResentmentSadnessInsecurity

RebellionLimit testingTruancyDrug use

UnfairnessInjustice"They neverlisten"

Public relationsRighting wrongsHidden sidesIndependence vs.reactionFreedom fighters

I want tobe loved

DesireSafetytrust

Suicidal behaviourSelf harmSchool refusalPsycho-somaticdisordersFood hoardingStealing at homeSibling rivalryDepressionBoasting

InsufficiencyInadequacyPredictablebleakness ofthe future

Fair playAccuracy of predictionsCapacity forself love andfor showinglove to others

I want power Fear of loss ViolenceDelinquencyTheftCriminal actsBullyingGraffiti

Necessity of actionEntitlement

Ability andcompetence

I want under-standing

Shame AbuseIncest

SecrecyIsolationIrreparability

Protectionthen,compassion ( to self)don't trust too soon

I want certainty DespairResignation

Eating disordersThought disorderAnxietyDepression

Insatiable need forreassuranceThreatsUniqueness

Trust in feelingsDifferencemade byknowing

Andrew Fuller [email protected]


Resilience Based Mentoring

Listen for HooksStances and Key Values

Alter neuro-chemistryEngagement

Embed habits Pattern and highlightand lift constraints changes

Tie values to changes

1. ENGAGEMENT who thought this was a good idea?

what have others done ( DON’T DO IT!) coerced, customer, crazy, ( if possible sketch a systems map)

2. LOOK FOR VALUES/ HOOKS/ STANCESenhancer/ minimiser

3. ALTER NEUROCHEMISTRY4. ALLOW ENOUGH TIME- if you wait long enough they will give you theanswers5. RESPECT ALL BEHAVIOUR AS A MESSAGE

"Resistance or lack of motivation is an attempted solution'6 SECURE A POSSIBLE DESIRED CHANGE

Identify what is already going well7. TRACK SEQUENCES8. WHAT IS THE SMALLEST PART AND THE MOST FUN TO CHANGE ?9. SIMPLE THINGS WILL DO10. SEARCH FOR DIFFERENCE- Actively engage them in the search for asolution

change the viewingchange the doingaccess past and current resources


T r i c k y K i d s

Manipulators………………………………..………………………………..………………………………..………………………………..………………………………..

Negotiators………………………………..………………………………..………………………………..………………………………..………………………………..

Competitors………………………………..………………………………..………………………………..………………………………..………………………………..

Debaters………………………………..………………………………..………………………………..………………………………..………………………………..

Dare devils………………………………..………………………………..………………………………..………………………………..………………………………..

Passive resistors………………………………..………………………………..………………………………..………………………………..………………………………..


The Neurochemistry of Engagement Think of a class or a few students you are currently experiencing difficultiesengaging and rate them ( 3= very often, 2= sometime, 1= occasionally, 0=rarely)

Dopamine Cortisola) Difficult to get them focused on the task a) Reluctant to ask questions or raiseat hand their hands when they don’t know somethingb) Don’t seem motivated to achieve goals b) have difficulty stating what they have learnedc) Don’t appear proud of accomplishments c) are “precious “ about there they sitd) Seem lethargic and tired d) more smelly than usuale) Disinterested and won’t have a go e) seem worried and watchful

Total Score Total Score

Adrenaline Serotonina) Lots of chattering a) avoidant of eye contact- seem to want to

“disappear”b) Lots of conflict and disagreement b) sullen and uncommunicativec) reluctant to try things that involve changes c)hard to get going in the morningd) lots of silly behaviour d) hard to please- not responsive to

praisee) Sense of busyness e) ask for you to explain, “ Why do we have to dowithout much actually getting done this?” or “is this on the exam or test

Total Score Total Score

High scores indicate you should consider altering their neurochemical balance

Strategies for engagementDopamine Adrenaline Cortisol Serotonin ………………. ………………. ………………. ……………….

………………. ………………. ………………. ……………….

………………. ………………. ………………. ……………….

………………. ………………. ………………. ……………….

………………. ………………. ………………. ……………….What great luck for rulers that men do not think- Adolf Hitler


Difficult MentoringConversationsWe all lead have difficult and courageous conversations fromtime to time.The first thing to ask in a difficult conversation is, Are you inconversation?Don’t complain to people who can’t do anything about theproblemDon’t rely on hints, sarcasm, blame- don’t withhold meaningSilence(withdrawal) or violence (verbal attacks)When stakes are high and emotions are intense we are often atour worstDevelop the tools that make it safe for us to discuss this.

Start with heart (stay focused on what you really want)Persuasion sometimes leads to abrasionSocial first aid- watch for the first moment a conversationturns unhealthyWhen stakes are high, tricky to pull back.Watch for cues that people feel unsafeMost ‘attacks’ are messages that people feel unsafeDon’t go tit for tat or return silence or violenceFear or resentment kills the free flow of informationKnow that anger is poisonFind mutual purpose - Indications of lack of trust areaccusations, squabbling, silent resentmentIncrease your level of care about the interest of othersWhat do I want for me? For others? For the relationship?When thing gets muddledContrasting-The last thing I wanted to do was….I think …..Move toward compromise but don’t start thereCommit to staying in the conversation until we find asolutionRecognise the purpose behind the strategy- impasse where twopeople with different wants.Break the impasse by asking“ why do you want that?” thenclarifyOpens up the possibility of new optionsInvent a mutual purpose- focus on higher and longer-termgoalsBrainstorm new strategyTalk tentativelyEncourage testing

ConversationalTools Used byEffectiveCommunicators:

1.Get all relevantinformation out into theopen2. Always start with factsnot interpretationsWatch out for your ownstories- go back to factsIs what I’m feeling theonly possible feeling?Don’t confuse stories withfacts.Be careful not to turn theother person into a villainwhile you become thevictimStories feel like facts.Reflect on alternativemotivations3.Make it safe foreveryone to add his or herpoint of view4.Listen5. Play shared pool-Commit to seek mutualpurpose- Start with heart-agree to agreeLearn to look- am I in orout of conversation?Am I falling into silence orviolence?Increase the safety ofpeopleStep out of conversation6. Describe the problemand ask for opinions


The Compass of LearningA B C D

1. I excel atMaking realistic Reaching accurate Uncovering hidden Understandingdecisions conclusions connections people’s feelings2. It is more important for a learning environment to beDynamic Thought provoking Collaborative Task Oriented3. I learn best byExperimenting & Listening & sharing Guessing & Reflecting & tinkering exploring thinking4. Most people would identify me asProductive Creative Responsive Logical5. One of my main strengths isPlanning Enthusiasm Practicality Listening6. When I learn I enjoyExploring hidden Organizing ideas Making personal Producingpossibilities connections results7. I strive forConsensus Precision Efficiency Adventure8. Generally I amNurturing Precise Decisive Intuitive9. If anything, I tend to beToo impulsive Too sensitive Too eager to finish things Too cautious10. Generally, I amCo-operative Orderly Straightforward Free spirited11.Learning environments should emphasizeCommon sense Clarity of Commitment to Adaptability

reasoning personal values to change12. I am most comfortable with people who areSupportive Creative Productive Rational13. I am least comfortable with people who areRigid Disorganized Indecisive Aggressive14.Generally I amStudious People oriented Down to earth Innovative15. If I could, I would prefer toMake the world a Acquire knowledge Solve practical Create new wayshappier place problems of doing things

Scores

North South East

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