building, nurturing & responsive relationships beth vorhaus melissa binkley adapted by team...
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BUILDING, NURTURING & RESPONSIVE RELATIONSHIPSBeth Vorhaus
Melissa Binkley
Adapted by Team Tennessee from Iowa Train-Coach-Train, Spring 2011 & CSEFEL Pyramid Model Training
Pyramid Model
PROMOTION
PREVENTION →
INTERVENTION →
←
Benefits of Positive Relationships with Adults • The relationships that we build with children, families, and
colleagues are at the foundation of everything we do. It is important to build these relationships early on rather than waiting until there is a problem.
• •Parents and other colleagues (such as mental health providers and therapists) are critical partners in building children’s social emotional competence. We should all work together to ensure children’s success and prevent challenging behavior.
Benefits of Positive Relationships for All Children • Helps each child feel accepted in the group • Assists children in learning to communicate and get along
with others • Encourages feelings of empathy and mutual respect
among children and adults • Provides a supportive environment in which children can
learn and practice appropriate and acceptable behaviors as individuals and as a group
Benefits of Positive Relationships for Children with Challenging Behaviors• Children with the most challenging behaviors especially
need these relationships, and yet their behaviors often prevent them from benefiting from those relationships.
• Adults’ time and attention are very important to children, and we need to be sure that we are giving them that time and attention at times other than when they are engaging in challenging behavior.
What is Attachment?
• The first attachment occurs with primary caregivers in the first 9 months of life
• After age 2 children have the capacity to build multiple relationships with caregivers independent of their primary attachment
Function of Attachment • Survival, safety, and protection• Support and a secure base for the development of:
• Cognitive development • Ego/sense of self • Resilience • Bonding • Self-regulation • Social development
Function of Attachment: Brain Development
Video: Positive Relationships
“Every child needs one person who is crazy about him.”
-Uri Bronfenbrenner
Activity: Hot Button
From PIES Workbook, Laura Riffel, 2009
Handout 1
Challenging Behaviors have a Purpose!
• Challenging behavior usually has a message: • I am bored. • I am sad. • You hurt my feelings. • I need some attention.
• Children often use challenging behavior when they don’t have the social or communication skills they need to engage in more appropriate interactions.
• Behavior that persists over time is usually working for the child.
• We need to focus on teaching children what to do in place of the challenging behavior.
Discussion: Cultural Differences & Child Behaviors Mean Age Expectation in Months for Milestone Attainment Caucasian Puerto Rican Filipino Eat
Solid Food 8.2 10.1 6.7* Training Cup 12.0 17.1 21.9* Utensils 17.7 26.5 32.4* Finger Food 8.9 9.4 9.5 Wean 16.8 18.2 36.2* Sleep by Self 13.8 14.6 38.8* Sleep all Night 11.4 14.5 32.4*Choose Clothes 31.1 44.2 33.1*Dress Self 38.2 44.2 39.2 Play Alone 25.0 24.8 12.3*Toilet Trained-Day 31.6 29.0 20.4*Toilet Trained-Night 33.2 31.8 34.2
Mean Age Expectation in Months for Milestone Attainment 16Carlson & Harwood (2000)
Discussion: Cultural Differences & Parent Expectations
Believe parents and 54% 96% Children should play together
Prefer children play with 71% 43% sex-typed toys (e.g., boys play with trucks)
Provide children with many 11% 66% chances to decide (e.g., give child choices)
Behavioral Expectations of Two Groups of Mothers
Adjusting Responses to Challenging Behaviors
Upsetting Thoughts “That child is a monster. This is getting ridiculous. He’ll never change.” “I’m sick of putting out fires!”
Calming Thoughts
Upsetting Thought
“I wonder if the corner grocery is hiring?” “He ruins everything! This is going to be the worst year of my career.”
Calming Thoughts
Activity: Reframing Thoughts
• Using Reframing Statements Activity
• Read the four examples listed and generate two to three other challenging behaviors and how you might reframe each one.
• In reframing the challenging behaviors, do not come up with solutions but rather restate the behaviors to make them more manageable.
• Be prepared to share your ideas with the large group.
Handout 2
How to Build Positive Relationships
Be a “Bucket Filler!”
Developed by Carol McCloud • “Bucket fillers” generally
spread their love and good feelings to others
• "Bucket dippers" rob us of happy feelings by refusing to help with a task or by saying or doing cruel things
• https://www.bucketfillers101.com/home.html
Discussion: Making Deposits with Children • How do you build
relationships with the children in your classroom?
• Think of the children with challenging behaviors you currently have or have had in the past – how can you make deposits with
Classroom Pictures
Birthday Charts
Changing Table
All About Me Posters
Family Treasures
Family Flowers
My Family
Making Group Deposits • Greet every child at the door by name. • Post children’s work around the room. • Have a “star” of the week who brings in special things
from home and gets to share them during circle time. • Give hugs, high fives and thumbs up accomplishing
tasks. • Give compliments liberally. • Let children make “All About Me” books and share them
at Circle Time.
Video: Greeting Children by Name
Making Individual Deposits • Call a child’s parent in front of them to say what a great day
she is having or send home positive notes. • Call a child after a difficult day and say, “I’m sorry we had a
tough day today. I know tomorrow is going to be better!” • When a child misses school tell him how much he was
missed. • Write on a t-shirt all the special things about
a given child and let him/her wear it. • Find time to read to individual children or
a few children at a time. • Play with children, follow their lead. • Acknowledge children’s efforts.
Video: Individual Deposits
Discussion: Making Deposits with Families • How do you build
relationships with families?
• How can you make deposits with the parents of children with challenging behaviors?
Making Family Deposits • Keep lines of communication open between program and families • Support and encourage parental involvement in activities. • Learn from family members about their children, and home and
family life. • Share resources with parents about how to support the child’s social
emotional development. • Share positive things the child did at the program (Happy Grams). • Conduct meetings with parents in an environment and time
convenient for them. • Assure parents about confidentiality and privacy rights. • Implement activities that bring families together. • Acknowledging the good things that parents are doing with their
child.
Handout 3
Video: Making Family Deposits
Discussion: Making Deposits with Coworkers • How do you build
relationships with your coworkers?
• Think of a coworker with whom you may not always get along – how can you make deposits with them?
Making Co-Worker Deposits
• Encourage teamwork • Provide support • Build trust among colleagues • Be honest and kind to one another • Respect co-workers’ talents and
abilities • Acknowledge accomplishments • Understand and respect each
other’s backgrounds • Develop a shared vision, goals,
and mission • Have a sense of humor • Build cooperation
Activity: Action Planning • Brainstorm a list of 3-5 things you could do to build
or strengthen relationships ‾ With children ‾ With families ‾ With co-workers
• Share with the whole group • Identify the next steps you are going to take to build
stronger relationships with children, families, and colleagues
‾ Note these on your action planning form.
• What materials will you need? • What support will you need?
Handout 5 & 6
Melissa Binkley
Team Tennessee Program Coordinator
Tennessee Voices for Children
(615) 269-7751 x115
Beth Vorhaus
Team Tennessee Assistant Program Coordinator
Tennessee Voices for Children
(615) 269-7751 x124
Questions?