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    HOW TO KEEP COMMUNICATING WITH ALOVED ONE AS DEMENTIA PROGRESSES

    TALKI NG TOOLK IT

    www.bupa.co.uk/understanddementia

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    CONTENTS

    About dementia 3

    Introduction 4

    Using this guide 5

    Memory loss and conusion 7

    Challenging behaviour 13

    Losing grip on the present 19

    Physical railty and dependency 27

    Frequently asked questions 30

    Summary 34

    2

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    3

    ABOUT DEMENTIA

    There are about 800,000 people in the UK with

    dementia and this is expected to double over the

    next 40 years.

    Dementia is a broad term which describes a set o

    symptoms that develop as a result o damage to the brain.

    The symptoms typically include memory loss, diculty

    communicating and changes in mood. Dementia is a

    progressive condition, which means it gets worse over time.

    There are many dierent orms o dementia, including

    Alzheimers disease, vascular dementia, and Picks

    Disease. It is more likely to aect people over 65, but can

    aect younger people too. In the later stages, people

    with dementia become unable to do everyday things andwill need increasing amounts o support.

    Early diagnosis o dementia is important as it can help you

    or a loved one to access drugs that slow down the

    progression o the condition, receive counselling, advice and

    support, and importantly it can give you the time to plan

    and make important decisions about the uture. I youre

    worried about a loved one and their memory loss, its

    important to see a GP as soon as possible.

    ABOUT DEMENTIA

    Bupa is the UKs leading provider o dementia care.

    We combine experience and expertise to care or over

    8,000 residents living with dementia, providing a sae,

    comortable and stimulating environment in care homes

    across the UK.

    Bupas expertise in dementia care includes an innovative

    person frst approach. Our care revolves around each

    persons own needs, not fxed rules and routines.

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    4

    INTRODUCTION

    Communication is vital to our lives and to our

    relationships. It is so much more than just a way to

    deliver actual inormation it is the way we express

    what we think and how we eel. Losing the ability to

    communicate is one o the most debilitating and isolating

    things that can happen to a person. Watching a loved onelose the ability to communicate can be just as distressing.

    For people living with dementia, and or their carers or

    those close to them, communication can be a daily struggle.

    Dementia is a progressive condition, and as it progresses, it

    increasingly aects a persons ability to convey their thoughts

    and eelings. The inability to communicate can leave carers

    eeling that there is a great emotional distance betweenthemselves and their loved ones. This booklet has been

    designed as a practical guide to bridge that gap and help

    carers cope.

    As the changes they see in their loved ones become more

    acute, carers o people living with dementia need to be

    adaptable. It is one o the hardest things to accept that what

    worked or Mum fve years, fve months, or fve days ago,

    might now be met with a blank expression or a lack o

    understanding. But to give people with dementia quality o

    lie, its very important that carers can recognise when

    change is needed to better support the person they care or;

    this includes the way they communicate.

    There is no silver bullet to cure people with dementia, but it

    is a condition which can be managed and, i handled

    sensitively, it is possible or people with dementia to live

    well. It is vitally important that as a carer, you have a sense

    o what to expect. You are then best placed to eel that you

    are doing all you can.

    INTRODUCTION

    Proessor

    Graham Stokes,

    Director o

    Dementia Care,

    Bupa.

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    5

    USING TH IS GUIDE

    This guide has been developed or the riends and relatives

    o people with dementia. Whether your loved one is at

    home, or in a care home, each section o this guide will

    provide practical tips on how to communicate with them at

    every stage o dementia, advising carers on steps they can

    take to connect with their loved ones, and to help them havea good quality o lie.

    For ease o use, and to help carers navigate the dementia journey,

    we have divided this guide into our stages, at each stage giving

    examples o how the condition changes as it progresses. Its

    important to realise that the speed at which people progress

    through these stages can vary considerably and that the condition

    will maniest itsel in dierent ways or dierent individuals.

    The our stages o dementia are:

    Memory loss and conusion: In the early stages,

    characterised by memory loss and conusion, the person

    living with dementia is at their most anxious about whats

    happening to them.

    Challenging behaviour: Increasingly, their conusionwill maniest itsel in dierent or odd behaviour which

    is challenging or the carer to respond to.

    Losing grip on the present: As the condition progresses,

    the person with dementia will begin to move away

    rom their present and retreat into the saety o their

    established memories.

    Physical railty and dependency: As dementia reaches

    its most severe stages, the person becomes rail and

    increasingly dependent on their carers or physical support.

    USING THIS GUIDE

    Page 7

    Page 13

    Page 19

    Page 27

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    6

    S ECTIO N HEADING

    6

    While it is common or

    you to mislay your keys,

    it is more concerning i

    someone begins to orgetmeaningul inormation,

    such as the names o

    close riends.

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    MEMORY LOSS AND CONFUSION

    Memory loss, and the subsequent not knowing and

    conusion it causes, is usually one o the frst signs o

    dementia. At this stage, orgetulness and disorientation

    can oten lead to anxiety and rustration, where the

    person with dementia is aware something is wrong,

    causing them to begin to eel they are no longer incontrol o their own actions.

    It is important to note the dierence between common

    moments o orgetulness which happen to everyone, and

    more concerning signs o extraordinary orgetulness,

    which could be indicative o the earliest stages o

    dementia. For example, while it is common or you to

    mislay your keys, it is more concerning i someone begins

    to orget meaningul inormation, such as the names o

    close riends. Common characteristics o people who are

    experiencing this early memory loss include conusing

    everyday tasks, such as storing ood in the cooker instead

    o in the ridge, as well as muddled language, such as

    using the wrong word at the wrong time.

    While you may nd that conversations still fow relatively

    well in this early stage o dementia, there are some simple

    things you can do to help the person with dementia eel

    that they are in control and to reduce any anxiety they may

    eel when they conuse words or orget simple things.

    MEM ORY LOSSAND CONFUSION

    7

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    MEMORY LOSS AND CONFUSION

    Here are some tips on communicating, which you may

    nd helpul:

    Keep it simple and ocused on whats important

    Dementia isnt just about memory. It can also aect a

    persons ability to reason, to process inormation, and to

    learn. This means the person with dementia may not only

    have problems recalling words, they may also take longer

    to understand.

    Trytospeakslowlyanddistinctly,usingclearand

    simple words.

    Wherepossible,keepconversationbrief,asitsvery

    easy or people with dementia to lose the thread o the

    discussion i you talk or too long, and this can lead torustration or both o you.

    Trynottoaskopenquestions,asthiscanbeconfusingfor

    someone with dementia. All questions should have a direct

    yes or no answer, or lead them to the answer. For example,

    instead o asking What would you like or lunch? ask

    Would you like a cheese sandwich?

    Speakasclearlyaspossibleanduserealnamesforpeopleand objects rather than words like it, she or them. This

    will help the person with dementia to keep a hold o the

    thread o conversation. For example, instead o asking Do

    you like the cake? ask Do you like it?

    Try not to ask open questions, as this can be

    conusing or someone with dementia.

    8

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    MEMORY LOSS AND CONFUSION

    Be patient

    Trynottonishthepersonssentencesforthem.Ifyou

    can sense they are struggling to fnd a word, you could ask a

    question which might provide a helpul prompt. For example,

    i they are saying I want to go I want to go..., you could ask

    Do you want to buy something? The prompt should alwaystake into account the context. Has the person put their coat

    on, or are they hovering by a door? Is it a time o day when

    they usually do something?

    NeversayIvetoldyouthisbefore.Itsimportantto

    remember that i the person starts repeating themselves

    or asking you the same question, its likely they have simply

    orgotten they have asked you beore, due to the memory

    issues associated with their condition.

    Givethepersontimetorespond,andwhileitmaybe

    hard at times, try not to get angry or rustrated i they

    dont understand.

    EVEN SIMPLE THINGS CAN MAKE A BIG DIFFERENCE

    Try to remove distractions such as TV or radio when you

    are trying to communicate.

    Face the person and use their name, to ensure you have

    their attention.

    One-to-one conversations will be easier, but i you cant

    avoid a group situation, try to ensure only one person

    speaks at a time.

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    I they get muddled, or begin

    to say things you know to be

    incorrect, try not to directlycontradict them.

    10

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    MEMORY LOSS AND CONFUSION

    Reduce anxiety

    Rememberthatasthepersonwithdementiasshort

    term memory worsens, they are likely to eel anxious,

    conused and sel-conscious. I they get muddled, or

    begin to say things you know to be incorrect, try not to

    directly contradict them this will only increase theireelings o conusion.

    Insteadofcontradictingordirectlycorrectingwhatthey

    say, it is more productive to accept what they say as

    their idea o the truth, and move the conversation along.

    Being told they are wrong is likely to conuse them urther,

    and will do little to soothe their anxiety.

    For example, i your mother is convinced she has passedon a message or given you a letter to post, but you know

    she has defnitely not, dont make a big issue o this.

    Instead, make light o it and move the conversation on:

    Do you know Im so scatter brained nowadays I cant

    remember. I must be doing too much. Do you know,

    only yesterday...

    One o my residents regularly believes he has let hiswallet at the pub. Rather than distressing him urther by

    telling him he is wrong, I simply let him know Ill call in at

    the pub and collect his wallet or him. This reduces his

    anxiety at that moment and he soon orgets that he has

    asked the question.

    Annie James, home manager, St Georges Nursing Home

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    S ECTIO N HEADING

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    Many people living with

    dementia have no concept

    o time. I they dont

    appear to be willing to

    communicate with you atthat moment, or want to do

    something dierent, dont

    push them.

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    CHALLENGING BEHAVIOUR

    As dementia progresses, the changes in the person

    living with the condition become more marked.

    This may maniest itsel in obvious physical signs,

    such as an unkempt appearance or weight loss

    (people with dementia oten orget to eat). It could

    also become evident in behavioural changes, such asbecoming verbally or even physically aggressive

    oten as a result o eeling rightened or rustrated.

    The person with dementia may need more support

    to help them manage their day-to-day living, or

    example, needing reminders to eat or wash.

    People living with someone with dementia may also

    notice more subtle changes, such as walking about in

    the middle o the night or erratic eating habits.

    It can be distressing to see such changes in the behaviour

    o a loved one, and eelings o rustration are not

    uncommon or those caring or someone with dementia.

    It can be very hard, but understanding that their

    behaviour is the result o upset, insecurity or an attempt

    to tell you what they want, is the key to communication.

    BEHAVIOU R WH ICHCHALLENGES US

    13

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    NEW IMAGE

    Seemingly straightorward

    requests, such as Please

    make me a cup o tea,

    can cause signicant

    rustration or the person

    with dementia.

    15

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    CHALLENGING BEHAVIOUR

    Know when to walk away I someone is physically or

    verbally aggressive, take a deep breath and walk away.

    Remember it isnt easy to live with dementia. You can

    always go back and try again another time.

    Have someone to support you In all stages, as the

    person with dementias condition starts to change, its

    important to have someone to share your concerns with.

    Having someone to share the burden o caring and give

    you a break rom time to time is incredibly valuable.

    Make sure you have a amily member or

    riend who you can conde in. You need

    to look ater yoursel.

    Dont hide the dementia You may fnd it helps to keep

    riends, colleagues or other amily members regularly

    updated about the person with dementias condition,

    so they make allowances and are more accepting o

    behaviour which appears to be unusual or strange.

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    CHALLENGING BEHAVIOUR

    During the third stage o dementia, the person living

    with the condition may start to lose their grip on the

    present, or even on reality as you know it. As they

    become more conused in their day-to-day lives, the

    person with dementia may begin to retreat into the

    saety o established memories. They may also becomeconused by amiliar aces or places, mistaking their

    daughter or their wie, or thinking they are in another

    place or time.

    This stage can eel particularly hard or carers, as the

    person with dementia both becomes more dependent,

    and also loses awareness o the world and people

    around them, as well as any understanding o their

    condition. The burden increasingly alls on the carer, andits common to eel very isolated at this stage. You may

    eel you have lost your loved one, however

    communication at this time remains more important

    than ever.

    Relatives o people living with dementia can oten eel

    real distress when their loved ones ask dicult questions,

    such as asking to see a mother who has passed away

    or believing they need to go to work or collect children

    rom school. Dealing with such issues can be dicult but

    here are some techniques you can use to help deal with

    such situations.

    We look ater a lady with dementia who sometimes

    becomes conused, thinking that our care home is her

    previous house. She becomes verbally very aggressive

    to other residents and staf, demanding that they leave.

    We know that telling her the truth only exacerbates the

    problem, so instead we divert her attention by taking heron memory walks around the home, stopping of at various

    points o interest along the way. These could include

    anything rom old photos to pictures o historical events,

    to items o personal meaning to her.

    She was actually a recorded soprano in her younger

    days, so we play music to her. And very quickly, she

    orgets what upset her, and can be returned to her

    ellow residents with a smile and no mention o her

    previous outbursts at all.

    Sandra Holt, home manager,

    Maes-y-wennol Residential Home

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    Remember that no solution

    is a permanent solution, so

    while one approach might

    work one day, a dierent

    approach may be required

    the next time.

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    LOSING GR IP ON TH E P RESENT

    LOSING GRIP ONTHE PRESENTDuring the third stage o dementia, the person living

    with the condition may start to lose their grip on the

    present, or even on reality as you know it. As they

    become more conused in their day-to-day lives, the

    person with dementia may begin to retreat into the

    saety o established memories. They may also becomeconused by amiliar aces or places, mistaking their

    daughter or their wie, or thinking they are in another

    place or time.

    This stage can eel particularly hard or carers as the

    person with dementia becomes more dependent, and

    loses awareness o the world and people around them,

    as well as any understanding o their condition.

    The burden increasingly alls on the carer, and its

    common to eel very isolated at this stage. You may eel

    you have lost your loved one, however communication

    at this time remains more important than ever.

    Relatives o people living with dementia can oten eel real

    distress when their loved ones ask dicult questions, such

    as asking to see a mother who has passed away or believing

    they need to go to work or collect children rom school.

    Dealing with such issues can be dicult, so here are some

    techniques you can use to help deal with such situations.

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    LOSING GR IP ON TH E P RESENT

    Join their world

    Firstly,trynottocontradictthepersonwithdementia

    as this could increase their anxiety. Remember that, at

    that moment, what they are saying is what they believe

    to be true.

    Jointheirworld.Focusonhowyoucanputthem

    at ease, thus reducing their anxiety. For example, i they

    constantly ask or their mother, who you know is deceased,

    rather than correcting them, you could simply respond

    Tell me about your Mum, what was she like?

    Donotfeelguiltythatyouarelyingtothemor

    encouraging what may seem to you a antasy. I you can

    make the person with dementia eel content, relaxed andat ease rather than anxious, sad or distressed, you are

    simply doing the best thing or them. This is known as

    collusion; not bareaced lying, but a way to give someone

    what they do not possess, peace o mind.

    I knew an 84 year old woman who thought her son was

    seven years old. She reacted with ury when she was told

    that he was much older. Instead the carer could have said,

    Have you any photographs o him. Id like to see. I bet he

    was a handul, or simply, Your son. You must be really

    proud o him. These are eelings which are untainted by

    the passage o time.

    Proessor Graham Stokes

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    LOSING GR IP ON TH E P RESENT

    Alwaystrytofocusontheemotion,ratherthantheactual

    communication. I they say they need to go to work, why

    could this be? Is it that they are remembering a time when

    they elt useul?

    Trytoputthemateasebylookingatsomefamiliar

    photographs or talking about something you know

    they love.

    When you understand the meaning behind

    their behaviour, youll be more able to fnd

    solutions to help them cope.

    I remember a resident who used to wake up

    at 4 oclock in the morning and try to leave the home

    through the ront door. We realised that this was because

    she used to live on a small holding, and she was heading

    out to collect the eggs. So we let her coat on a hook

    by the door, and put some boiled eggs in a sae place

    nearby. Once she picked them up, she elt like shed done

    her job or the morning, and we could bring her inside

    or a cup o tea.

    Dawn Harbour, home manager, The Gables Specialist

    Nursing Home

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    LOSING GR IP ON TH E P RESENT

    Creating connections

    It is a common misconception that when someone has

    dementia, they lose their personality. However this condition

    does not change someones personality, rather, it aects

    their ability to recall memories, process and recall language,

    or dierentiate between past and present. The result is that

    their behavior and how they express their emotions changes,

    giving the impression their personality has changed.

    As a result, the most successul connections are the ones

    that carry deep-seated meaning or the person with

    dementia.

    I you have reached a point where you eel your relationship

    with your loved one is diminishing, or you eel you arestruggling to communicate or make a connection, here are

    some tips that might help strengthen your relationship.

    Ifyouengageinaconversationwithsomeonewithdementia,

    make sure it is meaningul to them. Talk about things they like

    talking about, whether this is sport, their amily or another

    hobby or pastime. Flippant conversations and statements

    can conuse them and increase their anxiety.

    INCREASE COMFORT, REDUCE ANXIETY

    As dementia progresses, so might anxiety. As the person

    with dementia begins to lose grip on reality, they no

    longer have the knowledge o what is happening, where

    they are or who is around them. At this stage in the

    journey, its vitally important to ocus on how you as a

    carer can reduce that anxiety.

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    S ECTIO N HEADING

    I you can make the person

    smile, even or a moment,

    the contact will have been

    worthwhile.

    23

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    LOSING GR IP ON TH E P RESENTLOSING GR IP ON TH E P RESENT

    REMINISCE TOGETHER

    Reminiscing can bring back happy memories or our

    residents and create a sense o wellbeing. So in BupaCare Homes we encourage amily members and loved

    ones to help residents put together a Memory Box flled

    with meaningul items such as photographs, keepsakes

    and other special objects collected over the years.

    These also can help them recognise their room. This is

    something simple that anyone could do at home to create

    connections with their loved ones.

    Usememoriestoconnectwithyourlovedone.While

    recent memories can be a struggle or people with

    dementia, they can oten recollect times rom their

    youth and early adulthood.

    Anothercommonmisconceptionaboutdementiaisthatif

    the person no longer appears to respond, then there is no

    point in engaging. However, i you can make the person

    smile, even or a moment, the contact will have been

    worthwhile. Think about what would make them come

    alive. This could be playing a meaningul piece o music

    that triggers happy memories, or watching an old flm rom

    decades ago.

    Weallhavebaddayswhenwedontfeelliketalking,oreel irritable. Do remember that this is also true or people

    living with dementia, so sometimes communication may

    not be a success. I this happens, try again later.

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    LOSING GR IP ON TH E P RESENT

    Looking ater our residents means living with them at

    that moment in time whatever that moment happens

    to be or them. Recently the husband o one o our

    residents passed away, and she oten asks us about him.

    We understand her character, and knowing that she has

    a lovely sense o humour, when she asks i her husbandis out we may say something like Hes probably

    spending too much money! which makes her laugh.

    Rather than upset her, we know that its sometimes kinder

    to ollow on with her reality.

    Dawn Harbour, home manager, The Gables Specialist

    Nursing Home

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    S ECTIO N HEADING

    I told Georey it

    was no longer about

    supporting, caring,

    doing, it was aboutbeing. Not even talking.

    Just being close,

    sitting there, sharing

    a view, holding hands.

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    PHYSICAL FRAILTY AND DEPENDENCY

    In the most severe stages o the condition, the person

    with dementia has now lost the physical capacity to care

    or themselves. The person may appear to be completely

    disconnected rom the world and people around them,

    and may be almost totally unable to communicate.

    Because o their physical railty and dependency, theperson may require more care than is possible to provide

    single-handedly at home, and may, thereore, be living

    in a care home.

    At this stage o dependency, communication may be possible

    only through physical contact; however this can make a huge

    dierence to the person with dementia. This section provides

    some advice on maintaining that important connection with your

    loved one, without the use o language.

    Firstly,rememberthatevenifthepersonwithdementiais

    no longer able to communicate with you by talking, your

    physical presence alone may be enough to reassure them

    or put them at ease.

    Likewise,eveniftheycannotrespondwithwords,showthem

    how you eel. Sometimes holding hands, gently touching orhugging will get the person with dementia to respond.

    Itmaybeanobviouspoint,butmaintaineyecontact

    with the person you are communicating with. Its a simple,

    yet eective way to show you are engaged, and trying

    to connect.

    PHYSICAL FRAI LTYAND DEPENDENCY

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    PHYSICAL FRAILTY AND DEPENDENCY

    Ifyouretryingtogetaresponsefromthepersonwith

    dementia, show them what you mean rather than asking a

    question repeatedly. For example, i you are asking i they

    would like a sandwich, or a bowl o pasta, show them the

    ood to reinorce the question.

    Manyofususegesturesinourday-to-daylivestomake

    communication easier. Think about how you use hand

    signals in a restaurant to demonstrate that you would

    like the bill, or signal that youd like someone to call you?

    This is a simple way to make communication clearer and

    easier or the person with dementia. For example, asking

    whether they are cold or hungry could be coupled with the

    appropriate actions to emphasise the question.

    Ifyouarestrugglingtoengagewiththepersonwith

    dementia and eel at a loss as to how to make a

    connection, you could use prompts such as pictures or

    old photographs.

    The simple action o sharing a moment together

    or reminiscing over amily photographs may

    help you to maintain your relationship.

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    COMMON QUEST IONS ABOUT CARING FOR SOMEONE WITH DEME NTIA

    Communicating with someone with dementia can be

    rustrating and tiring, and at times you may wonder

    whether your eforts are worthwhile. However you are not

    alone and many o the questions you may want to ask are

    likely to have been asked beore.

    Here are some o the common questions, encountered by

    Bupa dementia care experts on a regular basis, answered by

    Proessor Graham Stokes.

    Q: I eel I dont know how to talk to my husband/wie/

    mother anymore. How can I reconnect?

    A: Its normal to eel araid that you no longer know how to

    connect with your loved one, particularly i they have

    reached a stage with their dementia where they no longer

    appear to understand or seem incoherent. The most

    important thing to remember is that they are still the same

    person. Although they may seem to have little understanding

    or ability to communicate, they may respond to aection

    and enjoy interests that have always been a part o their lie.

    Think about the things they used to enjoy, whether that was

    music, sport, watching TV or gardening, and try to engage

    on that subject. You could also use visual or other sensory

    stimuli to engage with them, such as sitting in the garden

    where smells, colours and sounds come alive. Making a

    happy meaningul moment, even i it is just or a short period

    o time, is hugely benefcial to the person even i minutes

    later it is orgotten.

    FREQ UENTLY ASKED Q UESTIO NS

    30

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    COMMON QUEST IONS ABOUT CARING FOR SOMEONE WITH DEME NTIA

    Q: My mum, who has dementia, keeps asking or my

    Dad. Should we tell her that he has died?

    A: This is not an uncommon question asked by people with

    dementia and it can be very distressing to have to answer

    again and again. I a loved one has died recently, you could

    remind the person with dementia o this act a ew times tosee i they remember; however, it is important to use your

    judgment to avoid causing unnecessary upset.

    Consider each response you give as a way to reduce the

    persons anxiety. I the person genuinely cant remember,

    repeatedly having to break the news that someone has died

    can be as painul as the frst time they heard it because, to

    them, it is the frst time. Causing such distress and grie isnt

    necessary, so instead, try to put them at ease. You can avoid

    the direct question by engaging them with conversation. In

    this instance you could say, or example You and Dad used

    to go walking together didnt you? Where was your avourite

    place? Lets see i we can fnd some photos.

    Dont eel bad that you have not given the whole truth, as

    you have the persons best interest at heart and are ocusing

    on whats important reducing their anxiety.

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    COMMON QUEST IONS ABOUT CARING FOR SOMEONE WITH DEME NTIA

    Q: I eel mysel getting angry when I have to repeat

    mysel or the hundredth time and this makes me eel

    guilty. What can I do?

    A: Caring or someone with dementia can be rustrating and

    tiring, so its no wonder people eel angry and irritable rom

    time to time. No one should sacrifce themselves entirely orsomeone else, nor should you eel guilty i you want some

    space or yoursel, or a day o to do something un. Its so

    important to make time or you.

    Having time away rom caring doesnt necessarily have to be

    physical it can simply be having some time alone at home

    to read, relax or even sleep. Many people fnd that sharing

    the load o caring or someone with dementia is valuable.

    I you dont have riends or relatives available to support you,

    look or a care home near you which oers short term or day

    care to support the carers o people living with dementia. I the

    person with dementia is already in a care home, dont eel that

    you need to visit every day. Take some time out, do something

    or yoursel, and youll eel all the better or it. Its also

    important that you have someone to talk to, so you can share

    your thoughts and concerns.

    A ew hours o now and then is the least you deserve;

    eeling guilty is common, but your health and wellbeing

    needs to be a priority. Visit www.carewelluk.org or more

    inormation on looking ater your own health whilst caring

    or someone else.

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    COMMON QUEST IONS ABOUT CARING FOR SOMEONE WITH DEME NTIA

    Q: My partner wont let me hug them anymore. I eel

    as though they dont love me anymore. Why have

    they changed?

    A: It can, understandably, be distressing to see a loved one

    distance themselves physically and emotionally rom you.

    However its important to remember that this is not apersonal attack on you it is the dementia aecting their

    memory. It could be that they are conused about who you

    are and its only natural that you wouldnt welcome

    aection rom someone you dont know well. Or perhaps

    they are mistaking you or another relative, who they

    wouldnt usually hug?

    It doesnt mean they will never want aection rom you, but

    you may need to judge careully what is appropriate

    depending on how they are, and the stage o their dementia.

    Its also important to remember that people with dementia

    have good and bad days, and sometimes they might just eel

    tired, rustrated or conused.

    Q: My Dad wont answer to the name Dad anymore,

    why is this?

    A: I your Dad doesnt recall that he is a ather, or believesyou are someone else, such as his wie or mother, it may

    seem strange that you are addressing him by the name Dad.

    Instead, try using his frst name, or a nickname that he is

    used to others using.

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    SUMMARYCaring or someone with dementia can be an emotional

    rollercoaster. The distress elt by many when the person

    they know and love is no longer able to communicate and

    connect as they once did should not be underestimated.

    But you can make a dierence by understanding more

    about how dementia aects behaviour, while also holding

    onto the knowledge that your loved one is still the same

    person. There will be good days and bad days, and days

    where you eel like giving up, but communicating remains

    an important way to maintain your relationship.

    I hope that this guide has provided some helpul advice

    and support, wherever you are in the journey.

    Proessor Graham Stokes, Director o Dementia Care, Bupa.

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