Business WritingBusiness Writing

Business Communications Business Communications 110110

You-AttitudeYou-Attitude

• Style of writing that:Style of writing that:– looks at things from the reader’s point looks at things from the reader’s point

of viewof view– emphasizes what the reader want to emphasizes what the reader want to

knowknow– respects the reader’s intelligencerespects the reader’s intelligence– protects the reader’s egoprotects the reader’s ego

1. Talk about the reader, 1. Talk about the reader, not yourselfnot yourself

• Readers want to know how they Readers want to know how they benefit or are affected.benefit or are affected.

• Wrong: Wrong: II have negotiated an have negotiated an agreement with Apex Rent-a-Car that agreement with Apex Rent-a-Car that gives yougives you a discount on rental cars. a discount on rental cars.

• Better: As a Sunstrand employee, Better: As a Sunstrand employee, you you can now getcan now get a 20% discount when you a 20% discount when you rent a car from Apex.rent a car from Apex.

• WeWe are shipping are shipping your orderyour order of of September 21 this afternoon.September 21 this afternoon.

• Your orderYour order will be shipped this will be shipped this afternoon and should reach you afternoon and should reach you by by September 28.September 28.

2. Refer to the reader’s 2. Refer to the reader’s request or order specificallyrequest or order specifically• Wrong: Your order…Wrong: Your order…

• Individual: The desk chair you Individual: The desk chair you orderedordered

• Large store: Your invoice #783329Large store: Your invoice #783329

3. Don’t talk about feelings 3. Don’t talk about feelings except to congratulate or except to congratulate or

offer sympathyoffer sympathy• Wrong: Wrong: We are happyWe are happy to extend you to extend you

a credit line of $5,000a credit line of $5,000

• Better: Better: You can now chargeYou can now charge up to up to $5,000 on your Visa card.$5,000 on your Visa card.

4. In positive situations, use 4. In positive situations, use youyou more than more than II

• Wrong: Wrong: We provideWe provide health insurance health insurance to all employees.to all employees.

• Better: Better: You receiveYou receive health insurance health insurance as a full-time employee.as a full-time employee.

5. In negative situations, 5. In negative situations, avoid the word avoid the word youyou..

• Wrong: Wrong: YouYou must get approval from must get approval from the director before you publish any the director before you publish any articles or memoirs based on articles or memoirs based on your your workwork in the agency. in the agency.

• Better: Better: Agency personnelAgency personnel must get must get approval from the director to publish approval from the director to publish any articles or memoirs based on any articles or memoirs based on their worktheir work at the agency. at the agency.

• Wrong: Wrong: You made no allowanceYou made no allowance for for inflation in inflation in your estimateyour estimate..

• Better: No allowance for inflation Better: No allowance for inflation has been madehas been made in this estimate. in this estimate.

• Better: Better: This estimate makesThis estimate makes no no allowance for inflation.allowance for inflation.

Positive EmphasisPositive Emphasis

• Some negatives are necessary.Some negatives are necessary.– when you have bad news to give the readerwhen you have bad news to give the reader

• Announcements of layoffs, product defects, price Announcements of layoffs, product defects, price increasesincreases

– make people take a problem seriouslymake people take a problem seriously• In most situations, it’s better to be In most situations, it’s better to be

positive.positive.– Research shows that business people Research shows that business people

responded more positively to positive than to responded more positively to positive than to negative language and were more likely to negative language and were more likely to say they would act on a positively worded say they would act on a positively worded request.request.

1. Avoid negative words and 1. Avoid negative words and words with negative words with negative

connotationsconnotations• Negative: We have Negative: We have failedfailed to finish to finish

taking inventory.taking inventory.• Better: We havenBetter: We haven’t’t finished taking finished taking

inventory.inventory.• Still better: We Still better: We will be finishedwill be finished

taking inventory Friday.taking inventory Friday.

• If a sentence has two negatives, If a sentence has two negatives, substitute one positive term.substitute one positive term.

• Negative: Negative: Never failNever fail to back up your to back up your disks.disks.

• Better: Better: AlwaysAlways back up your disks. back up your disks.

• Beware of hidden negatives.Beware of hidden negatives.

• Negative: Negative: I hopeI hope this is the information you this is the information you wanted. (implication: I’m not sure)wanted. (implication: I’m not sure)

• Better: Enclosed is a brochure Better: Enclosed is a brochure about road about road repairs scheduled for 2009-2011.repairs scheduled for 2009-2011.

• Still better: The brochure contains a list of Still better: The brochure contains a list of all roads and bridges scheduled for repair all roads and bridges scheduled for repair during 2009-2011during 2009-2011. Call Gwen Wong at 555-. Call Gwen Wong at 555-3245 for specific dates when work will start 3245 for specific dates when work will start and stop, and for alternate routes.and stop, and for alternate routes.

2. Focus on what the reader 2. Focus on what the reader can do rather than on can do rather than on

limitationslimitations• Wrong: We will Wrong: We will notnot allow you to charge allow you to charge more more

than $1,500than $1,500 on your Visa account. on your Visa account.• Better: You can charge $1,500 on your new Better: You can charge $1,500 on your new

Visa card.Visa card.

• Wrong: You will not qualify for the student Wrong: You will not qualify for the student membership rate of $25 a year unless you are membership rate of $25 a year unless you are a full-time student.a full-time student.

• Better: You get all the benefits of membership Better: You get all the benefits of membership for only $25 a year if you are a full-time for only $25 a year if you are a full-time student.student.

3. Justify negative 3. Justify negative information by giving a information by giving a reason or linking it to a reason or linking it to a

reader benefit.reader benefit.• Negative: We cannot sell computer Negative: We cannot sell computer disks in lots of loss than 10.disks in lots of loss than 10.

• Better: To keep down packaging Better: To keep down packaging costs and to help customers save on costs and to help customers save on shipping and handling costs, we sell shipping and handling costs, we sell computer disks only in lots of 10 or computer disks only in lots of 10 or more.more.

4. If the negative is truly 4. If the negative is truly unimportant, omit it.unimportant, omit it.

• Negative: A one-year subscription to Negative: A one-year subscription to PC Magazine is $49.97. That rate is PC Magazine is $49.97. That rate is not as low as the rates charged for not as low as the rates charged for some magazines.some magazines.

• Better: A one-year subscription to PC Better: A one-year subscription to PC Magazine is $49.97. You save 43% off Magazine is $49.97. You save 43% off the newstand price of $87.78.the newstand price of $87.78.

5. Put the negative 5. Put the negative information in the middle information in the middle and present it compactly.and present it compactly.

• The beginning and the end are always The beginning and the end are always positions of emphasis. positions of emphasis.

• Put negatives in the middle of a Put negatives in the middle of a paragraph rather than the first or last paragraph rather than the first or last sentence.sentence.

• Giving a topic lots of space Giving a topic lots of space emphasizes it. De-emphasize negative emphasizes it. De-emphasize negative information by giving it as little space information by giving it as little space as possible.as possible.