busitema satellite vol 2 issue 1

7/29/2019 Busitema Satellite Vol 2 Issue 1

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Busitema satellite vol 2, issue 1

Chief Editor: +256-775-638-676 Associate Editor:+256-779--324-219

Namasagali Campus

Vol.2 issue 1

TheBusitema Satellite

ELECTIONELECTIONELECTION

REPORTREPORTREPORTPG 4PG 4PG 4

WHERE YOUR FAVOURITE LEADERSWHERE YOUR FAVOURITE LEADERSWHERE YOUR FAVOURITE LEADERS

WENTWENTWENTPG 5PG 5PG 5

GET AGET AGET A

DISTRICTDISTRICTDISTRICT

TODAYTODAYTODAYPG 9PG 9PG 9

WHATSWHATSWHATS

TRUETRUETRUE

LOVELOVELOVE PG 39PG 39PG 39

RECESSRECESSRECESS

TERMTERMTERM

REPORTREPORTREPORT PGPGPG202020

WHY SPAINWHY SPAINWHY SPAIN

IS THEIS THEIS THE

GREATESTGREATESTGREATEST

OF ALLOF ALLOF ALL

TIMETIMETIMEPG 52PG 52PG 52

AUGUSTISSUE


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IGRC 2012

Namasagali CGRC 2012

IGRC members with the Vice Chancellor

CGRC members pose for a group photo

Contact us

Www.busitemasatelite.wordpress.com

Www.faceboo.com/busitamsatellite

Www.facebook.com/groups/namswaggerz

@BSatelliteEditor for stories; +256779324219


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COVER STORY;In April last semester Namasagali

Campus pulled off a coup that seemed

unattainable given our limited scoop in

terms of numbers compared to othercampuses that have populations in

their hundreds when we for the first

time in our short history we had an ap-

pointed minister coming from Namasa-gali. This wholesomely put to rest the

heart ache of the previous year whenwe missed out on a ministerial post af-

ter the then guild president labelledus children not worth having a minister

on the IGRC.

This coup not only did it get us the

biggest ministry in terms of duties butalso we managed to pull a fast one off

Busitema Main Campus. Their bragging

rights were put to rest when they got

Minister of Gender and constitutional

affairs (technically useless) as well as

the General Secretary. NagongeraCampus got the Vice President and the

Right Honourable Speaker but ArapaiCampus retained most of the juicyministerial posts like Academics, Fi-

nance meaning they constitute most ofthe IGRC membership.

Unfortunately our prince in Armourwas a leader who got this appointment

though on merit but to us close to himit was all shoddy given his track re-

cord in the last guild and the way hemanipulated the CGRC to win the

Presidents eye. All we can say is boss

you can now officially enjoy and dance

to the millions that come with your of-fice.

EDITORS NOTEIn this issue check our unique federo

guild structurepg4and the drama that

marred that arrogant leaders electioncampaign as we dissect online voting , an

innovation by our fist ever guild presi-

dentpgs10&11. Gossip look out for theretirement packages handed out to our

fallen leaders Muliro, Violapg13. Also

the useless library and dig deep on thedisorganised recess termpg20and a

minute to remember our colleague who

passed on RIP, also decry the failed in-ternship process and for the first time

we have inserted cool facebook and

twitter posts to spice up our magazine.Our column pages check out what it felt

like to join Namasagali as pioneers

pg25, the dating process at Namasagalipg28and true lovepg38, plus our village

corporate responsibility in associations

like FORESTRY and NECIpg48plus sign

off getting to terms to the fact thatSpain is greatest footballing nation of

all time. Contributors SEMA NARE&AGGREY AKAMPUMUZA

snapped. Caption this picture below????


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POLITICAL

STRUCTURETo many of our dear brothers whojust joined busitema. I know many

come with the dreams of joining

the ivory tower named Makerere

but were dumped in busitema thus

for your simple knowledge busitema

is a rural based university and I say

rural with a capital GOLOLA ac-

cent.

This means everything is done dif-

ferent from your usual way even

the politics and chain of command.

First and foremost our politicalstructure has taken the federo

type and not Buganda types so dont

get excited my Baganda friends

reading this or trying to get to

grasps with what am trying to say.

For those who arent familiar with

the guild constitution and dont

want to be drawn in acts and

amendments since you rather spend

your ample time chasing and scram-

bling for the few mamas who roam

Namasagali. I will break it down for

you in a few lines simple as eatingchicken and enkoko.

We have two political levels one at

the university level as a whole and

the smaller political unit operating

at the level of your respective cam-

puses.

The university level constitutes

four appointed ministers, the vice

president, speaker, secretary and

the respective RCC from each cam-

pus who is your family setting would

be the mother, father and their

children the ones in kintu. These

are close to the administration and

Obella and all decisions done atcampus level pass through them be-

fore they come into play.

At the lower level of your local ru-

ral campus we have the CGRC

headed by the RCC and several

nothing doers with titles waiting to

serve you after getting their

monthly allowances.So members if you planning to

throw stones at the GP, yes thats

how we call him in the bar sorry

bambi the man is protected. First

kill the RCC and his men before you

cross the boundaries of your cam-

pus because the ICGRC provides toyou.

17the numberof guild leaders

at campus


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ORIADAS HAND OVER

SPEECH REMINDS ME OF OUR

VILLAGE LC1Over the past few days after the hulla-

balloo of elections I have been reminisc-ing over the achievements i can pick from

Oriadas govt and i always end with the

same answer. He drank verliam 5 onswearing in day on April 18th 2011 and

only woke up to hand over to the next

government ironically a day to when heassumed power. For even from the very

word go his government was never des-

tined to be littered with massive whitegold achievements given the fact that his

was more of a trial government than an

actual govt. It was the first as we weretransferring from the old system of gov-

ernance to one where power is decentral-

ised. Hence the whole setup was reekingof hardships at every turn because it was

to consume more of the psychological

man power than the physical. Thus in hishandover speech I expected more of thesmooth foundation he had laid out for

the next government and not a situation

where he names achievements that I ex-pect to a appear in the speech of a cer-

tain campus secretary whose post I dont

want to even say.Having faced all the blockades he had I

expected more of the psychological em-

powerment and not claims of hearingstatements like 'I ensured dstv in all

campuses' as though was the highest paid

secretary of welfare because its welldocumented that we had to spend a num-

ber of weeks squatting in video halls

when our subscription had run out andthe decoder allocated for in the budget

was never bought.

I expected Mr. Oriada to say I pushed

for campus accounts having realised theblocked he got in allocating funds to the

respective campuses and not statements

like ' I sometimes signed documents thatI dont know' because that was a expo-

sure of highest level of un awareness.I also heard him emphasise the talk ofthe so called Busia community outreach

and the high A+ rating his government

achieved and got the university as awhole. But at a second look and tracing by

the way the show ran, it was like the

guild were queen dancers grooving to thetune of the administration as their heavy

presence over shadowed the guild.

This trend of events then makes Mr.

Oriada with no choice but clutch onstraws making his rule not even compara-

ble to my lc1 chief's speech. Like one who

says he cut chicken theft by half forget-ting no one rears chicken any more on the

village.

Sometimes I think the case of getting alittle illumination of my ignorance could

be the main cause of why I loathe

Oriadas govt and compare it to the dungof Ugandas leadership. This a govt that

came into existence after peeing on our

dignity and abusing our virginity. Havinghidden the figures that come with all

those constitution amendments, they

made the beggars fewer at the high tableand their respective shares bigger. Be-

cause how can one explain how a 150mil-

lion project operate without the peoplewho gave you the mandate having a copy

of the budget. And when they take the

initiative you brand them cheats. Sin-cerely Mr President you should have

known better instead of turning a multi-

million shilling project into a game ran byamateurs.


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ELECTIONS AS I

SAW THEMMan UTD nearly won the title minus

beating man city in any

game and I cant imag-

ine call the GP his ex-cellence yet he lost the

vote in my campus by aland slide. This was atrend in nearly all the

election last semester.

The sports union boss

election doesnt evendeserve a mention as

sports have been syn-

onymous with disap-pointments no wonder

the most disappointing man took the

day. How can a no bodycampaign onceand take the day.

Moving onto the lower level the look

on Rosettes face was miles differentfrom the lady on those gold posters

hanging dangly on our walls begging us

for votes and if Muliro is engaged inactivities aimed at injecting sanity in

society then he needs to take an overdose of that sanity himself. If so

Then NECI is the way to go man since

its more organised than the CGRC you

were fighting for and Frank I now re-spect your staminah man on how you

won the election for RCC, I even haveto appreciate how you managed to

over haul that magulu kumi into your

rib.

The other posts where year twos con-tested against a year one it was a case

of who is older and not capability nowonder they all lost the election to

Lukman and Papa respectively. If you


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thought doing an Otuunu to yourself

on election day was the best idea,then ask Jos who won by one vote

because the equalising vote is believedto have come from his co star in star

taffa thus election is not the best time

to chuck any one especially if they are

eligible voters.

For not to be this vote then he would

be fighting for scraps like Raymondafter the vote for speaker went to

the wire after a 35 a piece vote tiewith Mabirizi and Okitui was reducedto Mr. any other business after he

couldnt stand the political mudundossraining on his head no wonder his trou-

sers dont touch his shoes no more ashe seems to grow taller in the direc-

tion of igwefor that Nigerian power.

And talking about power the way Ma-had lost to Okurut for the post of

welfare secretary, I wonder if Okurut

will ever get chance to video mix onMahads virtual DJ kumbanga that

range left Mahad doing the Iteso ver-

sion of head a bubble not after gianthad pooped in his ego with talk that

he dissed them freshers.

And talking about people with bigthings ...you Might have the bigger

ebintu but in politics bumless cankubbe the drum and you dance. This

was witnessed when Winy who

emerged winner and thus will be danc-

ing and dancing Okello ozinta as fac-ulty representatives getting overly

paid for fluking lectures meetings andenjoying Tinos chai.

Still talking ladies the first lady

omuyimbitrounced lucky (a boy am

told) so badly that Chris threw himout of their rented TC mansion be-


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cause his girlfriend complained mbu he

is cheating on her with bu loserfriends.

Also the race between Tusime and

Gutto had usas it was a pitched bat-

tle between beauty and mama lip shine

and unfortunately Tusime shined asViola was engaged in a battle of David

and Goliath with Ogugu Patrick and

you know the saying the higher themonkey climbs the more its arse is ex-

posed and Viola who playedmonkey was badly exposed. She

lost by the biggest margin ever

in Busitema elections. Feel free

to ask her the numbers you

might win more than just a slap

but you may win her heart forshe needs someone you know.

Sentebbe Ben surely showedthe power of prayer beatingLillian despite her pulling those

juju tricks in the multipurpose

hall where I hear those boys

wanted her to win the election so they

could maximise on the optical nutrition

of her ebintu and lips. Kale am already

feeling sori for some people am out...


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ACHOLA JACQUELINEADIPET ISAAC

AJA CLARE

ANNET ABIYOCHAKARIO JOMO

CHEMONES VINCENTKASANGO ARAMANZAN

LAJARA Beatrice Kumago

NAGUJJA SHAKIRANAKAWALA OLIVEROKELLO EMMANUEL

OKOKAYA MOSESOLENG MAXWEL

OPUS JULIUS

OUNDO ARTHUR FRED

WAKALANGA SULAYI

WANYONYI INNOCENTLwetutte Samuel Seniorwho can predict the new faces atcampo in August??????

Kalyesubula Mahad Mpande Onoonyamukazi

Discplined Marie hmm its only u whois so interested in knowing the bu kids

Lwetutte Samuel Senior kiganda say-ing,,,,,,emiti emito gye gyigumizaekibira

Kalyesubula Mahad Mpande Sam ezoengero ezibadifendinga, ezimutezikyakola leero

Winny Kasule obviously ma face@senior just wait and see the newstyles

Awori Immaculate me

Kibira Fredrick Awori?

Joseph Asasira SOME NICE CUTIEBABE

Discplined Marie wc one a u meaningawori

Katikwe Wilson Carton faces b'se 'vealready seen when i was at main cps

Mpomwenda Veronica my cousin sis isde hmm....July 24 at 4:26pm Like

Lwetutte Samuel Senior wile that isan insultKudu David be patient pl'se

Discplined Marie kudu is patient also,haha bajya kuta

Lwetutte Samuel Senior Viola weneed to avoid insults

Discplined Marie aint insulting any onepliz its just comment got mi right mis-terIvan Komic I see a gisu chic at cam-pus in august

Lwetutte Samuel Senior its will be mypleasure komic

Kibira Fredrick Am going 2 be triple.

Lwetutte Samuel Senior Fredo i seeafterall ecol,inter medi &evt eco stil

exist but remember we are near theNile bse a state of emergency may becalled

Kibira Fredrick Senior: no 1 is gettinghurt.Lwetutte Samuel Senior Kibs,, one-two- now eyeing three,,,try yo luckbut????Kibira Fredrick Senior: am safe.

Francis Xavier Munyagwa This timeno intake bakulu

Freshers 2012Busitema admitted for academic year 2012/2013 and Na-masagali got 17 of these. Seven (7) of them are girls and

the rest are male students.

1512number of

freshers in

2012 in take


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Some compared Uganda map to a go-

mesi and others its like brokenpainted glass due to the number of

districts we got. The creation of 25

new districts caused debate using thetag # follow us too @BSatellite

@Tallbafa#GetADistrictTodayMy

grand mother is making a hundredyears. I think I should lobby for her a

district as a present

Roland Bless Taremwa@binrola Its

actualky not that hard. Wear a yelloy

Tshirt and#GetADistrictToday, thencollect taxes

lNuwamanya Em-manuel @emmanuwamanya

I'm very sure they will advise you to

demand for a District instead of a pay

rise - Rastoon#GetADistrictToday

Emmanuel Wilobs@Wilobs

Take time off the the drinking spreeand#getadistrictToday

OTIMONG DEN-

NIS @Otimong_La_Adoa

@agellu@Ogwangsam so there is a

possibilty of getting a fake district?,ha ha ha ha my country is in some new

heights#GetAdistrictToday

Godfrey S Kyedza@kyedza

Does anyone have a download link to a"Complete IDIOTS Guide"

to#GetAdistrictToday

Godfrey S Kyedza@kyedza@Otimong_La_Adoa converting your

plots to districts just go easierSEND#GetAdistrictToday to

@AmamaMbabazi I had meeting up to

9:15am and missed most of it! I betyou supported the beast

called#GetADistrictToday

David F.K. Mpanga@dfkm1970

@Desertgrit888 ..and Kitti, Kiteezi,

Nangabo - all districts waiting to be

anointed and the jobs dished out. Mu-

jje tulye!#GetaDistrictToday

Songa Samuel-stone@SongaStoneSoon, one will need a magnifying glassto identify their district of origin on

the #UG map.#GetADistrictToday

Patrick Mugumya@mugumya

70% of all new districts in Uganda are

inspired by need for tribes to self

govern. They are just tribal en-claves#GetADistrictToday


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EC FLIRTING WITH IT,Gonahasa rewinded the years back

to the 1860 when Columbus sailed

west in search of greatness in the

'false' hope that across the un-friendly uncharted waters of the

Atlantic lay another civilisation

that Spain would conquer. Many

doubters of course doubted his

stance especially given that many

believed the world was flat and not

round. Hence many believed thatsailing far off land, Columbus

risked falling off the earth into

the abyss.

Fast forward to 2012, the EC

jumped on the IT band wagon head

first with the hope of online voting

like its done in the outside coun-

tries like the US where candidatesand voters can access live results

on the voting is on paper it looked

easy but practically many hardships

lay ahead the biggest being not lo-

gistics but psychological group we

buried in that next election can

take place unless by the act of

folding a paper and dumping into a

black box in the full view of the

world. Its on this note that I say

that the best way of that system

working if we are to go there is

through if our are is through up-

loading the system and letting vot-

ing be done concurrently as thecampaigns are going on if its

deemed necessary since or let peo-

ple be familiar with it as soon as

collection of nominees is done by

the EC. This helps people with the

system also the candidates shouldmarket it in their manifestos and if

possible a link be put up on the of-

ficial university website where stu-

dents can play with it until the big

day.

Obuto Solomon

WE WANT THE DECODER ORBUY LIKE THE ONE BELOW

OTHER WISE WE SHALL ALL

BECOME SINGLES!

Top of Form

July 1 at 4:30pm

Obuto Solomon likes this.

Francis Xavier Munyagwa Man its

the real one investigations are start-ing with you

Francis Xavier Munyagwa Man itsthe real one investigations are start-

ing with youObuto Solomon WE SHALL BECOME

SINGLES! NO PROBLEM coz every-body is saying no including youLwetutte Samuel Senior am stillhumble in these issues since its still a

romour but any victim i see if truewill face it hot,,,,,,,,,,Tusiime Christopher decorder vs tv

is the match

Kudu David wat do u meanShaleen Shangtera better that way


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ONLINE VOTING

SHOULD FOCUS

MORE ON SENSI-TISATION

technology is that ugly woman youwont make beautiful even when you

drink yourself silly off your favour-

ite bitter drink and Busitema being

a university pursuing excellence

thats a bitter truth you wont do

away with but swallow meaning thatthe idea of online is something we

must brace our selves especially in

these times when prices are skyrocketing at every minute. The

budget to organise the elections

has sky rocketed from a paltry

5million in 2007 to over 45million and

still rising.Even though Busitema has taken giant

steps in this direction it was ham-

pered by bad preparation and unavail-ability of logistics although some were

there, the most important logistic was

completely ignored by the innovators

and thats the students perception

and use of computer and online func-tionality.

6 out of every 10 students at

Busitema are from schools where

computer are a luxury and not a studytool and they are built for high end

schools where fees is rocketing tomultiple digits. Thus a computer is

useless literally to them as long as

they can pass without a retake.


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Next up is the fact is that even thosewho access them the same percentage

is facebooking and lately on youtubemeaning that in their computer vo-

cabulary internet means facebook and

the only time Wikipedia gets a men-

tion is when a lecturer wants course

work really quick, and given the factthe librarian has also spelled it in caps

lock that the library has no booksabout that topic and that the lecturer

needs his work typed.This means that to you the innovator

for online voting to become a reality

the above mentioned hiccups have to

cease to exist or you should find ways

of integrating it on those sites where

they normally frequent so that theycan be redirected onto the voting

page so people dont look at a com-puter merely as a black box but a toolthat gives so much and never stops

giving.

Alternatively the system should be

running periodically so students can

get familiar with it and the speaker

who remains with the powers should

viciously market it till its consumed bystudents.

busitema has 4cam-puses each headed by aResident campus commis-

sioner RCC


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WHERE ARE THEY

NOW????Its said politics is a game of short

gains where no friends are real and no

enemies are permanent as long as

their dream of GETTING THEREre-

mains the same and down to Namasa-

gali manyof our

budding

politicians

have notbeen im-

mune tothis virus.

After the

glam andpop as our

leaders

many have resigned to living subtle

UN eventful lives as we shall break itdown below as I pick a few notables of

the previous regime.

MR OJANJI MUFIRE MULIRO

He swore to flood Namasagali with

projects having exemplified by owning

Namasagali first cattle kraal of cattle

but after 8months the only project he

has under his belt as kasimo is a bunchof trees drying up mbu 'developing

with the environment' yet he was theman charged with distributing the fi-

nances of the campus. Leave alone the

piling questions of claims he took offwith a couple of millions from the

guild funds. How true dont ask me.Now days you will bump into him min-

gling his KALOwith some small fish or

on some market day bargaining for

some discounts on FENEbecause even


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though the economy is in crisis, his

pockets are in deeper crisis.

BWIRE

To many he is known for wearing

suites all the time in good know ofthe political future of Busitema and

he used to carry all the a notebook

having future plans and he made thequote 'if they give you money can you

refuse it' after he was

grilled by the Bagdadaccounts committee for

buying chapatti at 1k apiece for some meeting

called General assembly

when he served as the

campus speaker and even hosted a po-litical failure at one named latif and

fed him on fish every day from hispocket as they looked for votes.

These days is the total opposite of his

former self, for you will find him in

long sleeved shoes with no sole andtilted to one side due to friction walk-

ing from place to place on an empty

He is writinga book of his

stay in

busitema uni-versity


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stomach. Lunch on a good day is por-

ridge and boiled potatoes or he justhas the time in lunch spreading

wolokoso. Even Miss Busia dumped him

because mbu he was plot less and daydreaming about being the vice presi-

dent and mp at the same time. The

hard times have been so cruel we cantwait for the book he is writing mbu

about his time in Namasagali. Cantwait boss

MUGISHA VIOLA

She

needs no introduction. The curvy

smooth faced lady with the fat

kaboom boom and very small voice

that dont meet her weight who madesome fresher choke on his cigarette

the day he first saw her. Among her

assets in her glory days was the bunchof house boys she had at main campus

when she served as the Justice Sec-

retary. We hear she once got hertransport paid from Masindi after

mbu a workshop oba on what issues

just to come and vote. On arrival theyquenched her thirst

with big glasses of

splash as one of thehouse boys massaged

her tired muscles.Naye these days

times are so hard her

bulips are dry she even has borrow lip

shine from Gutto. Even the kaboy whowas conning her locally here in Nama-

sagali yamalayo. He dumped her sobadly he doesnot even say a hi to her.

I think that kanigerian movie title

suites her well, from grace to grass.

KATEME MARTH

If you though balokole are safe thenthink twice when you have hopes of

swimming in the murky waters of poli-

tics. This lady was the first church

mama yes church mama, then per-

sonal secretary to some concernedstudent and Namasagalis first libera-

Heads the allgirls click in na-

mansagali


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tors after fa-

ther Grimes andhad she even had

the juicy post as

campus secre-tary, a post that comes with allow-

ances of 900k over an 8 months pe-

riod and even nearly became univer-sity.

These days all she does is wear gum-boots mbu NECI because its her only

hope from the sea of bing no wear.

MARY IMMACULATE

Kati this chick was the first gal to

bring a laptop to our village universityespecially at this campus in particular

before any boy even bought one, beat

some girl miserably at the elections to

become transport secretary and thenbecame mukyala Ndimu despite

Ndimu's mother warning him against

girls and how bad

they can be and thiswhere her beautiful

future sadly comes

to an end. First shelost the post the

post of transport secretary without

getting even a coin and now days she

is so kabawo that even her suits dont

fit her. Sadly even her influence overthe likes of Mary and Gutto has fallen

so badly. Wama at least me I remem-

ber you that are why I even wrote

about you.

TWESGYE NABOTH

he is known for living under the motto

'man eateth where he worketh' we all

loved the katemba he caused exercis-

ing his primitive energy

She started the fistchurch in Namasagali

we call her mother

Theresa

Heads the sengaassociation of Na-

masagali and

samia bugwe fu-ture mp


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Even his Friday night shows in TC at

unique bar have flopped so badly thatdjs have stopped lending him machines

because they are tired for mixing forwalls and mosquitoes. His pool table is

played by rats only and revellers dontlike hanging at the bar for fear of

eating boiled chips and boiled chicken.

Its common to find him at his bar

much stressed talking to himself with

his pocket trousers peeping. We dedi-

cate to you siye ekomerero by omu-langira suna

So members this a humble appeal tothe populace that if you accidently

land on the people who appear in this

story please don't beat to kill, just

report to your nearest police station,

you will hold the reward with two

hands.

when it came to time to demand for

allowances and stealing the fresher'sball monies as well as the TV. He wore

the best suit at campus in his merry

days and even splashed samona ontohis kapata so you would think

Museveni had come to your campus.

Bambi these days the phrase thesedays is 'wonder what to eateth with-

out worketh' times are so hard even

his kiwalata wont get enough samonasince that Vaseline is deemed too ex-

pensive. He was always on the phone

with the powers that be in this landhaving conversation but now days he

uses others peoples phones so he can

also get a missed call.

Runsunique

bar in TC


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BUSITEMA LI-

BRARY STYLE UPI was castigating the busitemawebsite for being shallow and

static and some people called me of

sounding more of a hater because

to them its the best designed but

people visit university sites for

content and not design with nice

pictures and deep emulsion colours.

In the same breath that I jump

onto the necks of the Busitema

University because they practically

generate material annually as long

as people are graduating.For an academic university heavily

involved in generating internship

reports, industrial trainings and

proposal writing produced annually

as a primary requirement for one to

attain a degree or whatever re-

quirement it leaves a bitter taste in

my mouth that it runs no online

data base where these are pub-

lished for consumption or filing and

future referencing by future schol-

ars.

On a local level Makerere run oneby their library yet busitema uni-

versity running on the murals of in-

novation has nothing.

This makes me wonder whether our

dissertations are dumped in boxes

marked 2012/13 and left to be

eaten away by rats. Yet the best

thing would be that students hand

in the hard copies alongside soft

copies to their lecturers which can

be up-

loaded

to the

data-

baseby the

librarian through login access in-

stead of them wasting away playing

solitaire on the computers.

Even the lecturers have not been

spared take for example Dr

Munyuli who have for donkey years

failed to publish their works due toabsence such simple tools. So to

our dear it men whats the essence

of having a website if it has no sec-

tion linking to library where I can

access previously written material

from my fellow students because

these are requirements that aremandatory for graduation.

4the number of librariansdeployed at Namasagali campus library

3 on full time and 1 who drops by onpart time basis

12computers at campus


20/52

20


WHEN BUSITEMA DID A

GOLOLA ON USTowards the end of last semester

the deans and their Hench catchos

kept screaming and swearing tobite us till we peed in our pants

but waaaa it was all a joking sub-

ject.

First and foremost the internship

was so badly organised and super-

vised that my blind grandmother

would have done a better job than

them. I mean how do you send me

mr Ochieng of all people to come

and supervise me at my air condi-

tioned officer. The dude appears in

my office with his belt at 60o and

instead of asking me serious his

like

man this place is like winter wontyou come back to campus white as a

muzungu

He spent the whle time admiring my

coffee, the cushioned cozy chair I

had and even didnt want to leave

the seat when I told him its time

to go mbu,

man the kabawo at Namasagali istoo muchI can die here in my

sleep

So you can see how unserious our

lecturers are..mbu tell your

friends

I am heard.I mean

hard waaaaa you are a joking sub-ject.

Then step up the recess and ahh

my lecturers mistook recess for a

chance to make us taste prison. As

if we had told them we wanted to

meet Bad Black. Waaaa we dontdeal with such interns whose or-

ganisation is that SPEKE Road and

collect data by entering mens

pants. Even that boy from Luzira

didnt take his mugole their mbu he

told her he is from Congo, can you

imagine. All those talk of going to

Masindi to enjoy water were white

lies more over told by a black man.

More like the ones Museveni tells

Ugandans and they give him votes.

Then one student dies in busitemaand they cover up their mistakes

mashed in carelessness by sending

students away yet my calendar was

reading 15 not 27th. Mr Dean I de-

mand a refund of my time wasted

because that Golola on us was seri-

ous. .

150,000shilling is whatstudents received for the 6

weeks internship training com-

pared to the 350,000re-ceived by Makerere students

doing the same internship train-ing over the same period


21/52

21


RECESS

REPORTWhereas the recess term was of-ficially meant to run for 10 weeks

it ran for 6 leaving about 4weeks

unaccounted for. Filled by bore-

dom, redundancy, lack, ignorance,

arrogance, yawn-ing ,hunger ,malice ,fun the cam-pus officials must have been

tapped unawares and just bumpedinto things .It was uncertain how

many people were there at cam-pus because of the part timing

students who dropped in time and

again.Chronicles of the recess term

First week; Students coming

back from the week long break

with the themeRecess no stress

Second and third week; Making

questionnaires .Turning up every

day to make and translate the

questionnaires to native Lusooga.

People with dictionaries were on

demand like pancakes as to othersreading Lusooga was like reading

the Quran.

Fisheries research; This was real

hands-on. Bubbling Lusooga like

nothing. Wasooma kyaghagha?,

Oine emyaka

eimeka?,ebyenanda,were some of

the words in the Lusooga packedinterviews .During the inter-

views ,the waterdwelling homo

sapiens were absentminded star-ing at the hot campus babes espe-

cially those who could sketch

some Lusooga and so the and thequestion could be repeated over

and over. See how girls come backwith fish and guys come back with

papers!Mvule census; Dr.Kifumba,

Sir.Taako were in charge dividingus into multiple groups packed on

the FORD going to battle for Part2 of the Lusooga packed experi-

ence . Measuring bole (not ball)

height, crown height and width,

tree height and stuff like so.Spending a day in gumboots gave

us a test of time, enduring thescorching sun and being patient

with hunger whilst TEG was spit-

ting fire asking for more filled

questionnaires. Jack fruits, man-

goes paid the price after the hun-

gry natural resource economistspounced on them like manna from

heaven .chicks climbing trees?LOL. It was real stuff, fun-filled,but pinching.

Trip to Murchison Falls NP;This

was like acting as Horror movie

setting from campus that Sunday

24/5/2012 early morning; the

H.O.D terminated our Papas

prayer as he prayed for journeymercies. 5kms ahead, the bus, the


22/52

22


bus was stuck in mud, burning 30

minutes trying to forge life. Wereached Jinja and people disap-

peared and Edema lamented like

one who had last a mother-in-law.We were now heading to Kampala.

Some of us thought we were kill-

ing two birds with one stone and

would reach the pearl of Africas

capital city for the first time butthey bird luck, the bus guy used

the Northern by-pass and in a

twinkle of an eye, we were in

Kawempe heading northwards.The hunger demons could not halt

haunting us and the yawning anddosing in the Nagongera Campus

bus were as prayers for food.

Kafu food saved us and we sur-

vived. We were getting late, onlyto realize that no one knew the

exact place we were going to andhad to use a 1948 map to trace

for the place. Thank God by twi-

light we reached, I wouldnt like

to tell stories of how people

where misbehaving with peoples

properties but its all about re-cess and after all in Busitema we

share. Crossing the ferry wasohhh ehhhhh..wawawa!!.Paraa was more of a comfortable

jail for us as animals roamed

around about us. Moving to watch

animals, birds, the famous Mur-

chison falls, and such stuff. While

there, threatened investors em-

ployed Facebook and WaridPakalast to monitor the move-

ments of their investments and

I cannot explain the alarming andheart breaking feedback as the

investments had been privatized.

The three hour the boat ride aswe pushed to view the beautiful

Murchison falls revealed those

suffering from Amnesia while theSpain-Portugal EURO 2012 semi-

final almost cost us our lives aswe moved through the park at

1am after

seeing the

Spaniardstriumph to

finals. Toomuch love

for soccer!!!

Meanwhile

other beings had turned our bus

into a wrestling ring as they

wrestled diplomatically and couldnot miss that oncein-a-lifetime

chance.

The trip originally meant to take 12

days took only 3days and we came

back on the fourth day. Food for

thought. Dont over think about thatbecause this is Uganda. On away back,

a giant elephant stood in our way mod-eling for about 30 minutes as peoplewere steadily wetting there pants due

to fear.

The meat, cassava, gonja packed

breakfast at Kafu awakened the un-

stable stomachs from a previous days

meal. The running stomachs were like

the plagues God gave to

1 student diedduring recess term

rip


23/52

23


Pharaoh in the bible and we therefore

had to stop at every stage as guys(lecturers inclusive) were

downloading stuff. May GOD bless

the manufacturers of Charcoal (ablack tablet) that saved us. Bath-

rooms and urinals had to also compro-

mise as toilets. Next time better!!

Who told them to chew warthogsmeat?G.I.S and remote sensing (at main

campus); July 01, Natural Resource

economists joined engineers for awould-be fortnight experience doing

that Prof. Isabiryes stuff. The joythat we would be catered for evapo-rated in the open air as students mis-

took accommodation with both feeding

and sleeping (blame their Primary

teachers).From the first day of our

stay there, guys were complaining of

allowances or else we relocate back to

our village campus.

Yawning and hunger went to another

level as the loan services of Mama Fa-hima and madam Tino where nowhere

and starvation was the order of the

day while saliva became the best dish.People developed all versions of dis-

eases like nodding disease, sleeping

sickness, nymphomania etc. Thank thehospitable main campus guys who made

tea for us and donated their 1inchmattresses to us. As a blessing in dis-

guise, I maintained my campus figure

while the former pig-like pals devel-

oped waistlines. Jimmy, the new wel-fare dean suffered the wrath from

the suffering campusers as they ac-cused him of the delayed allowances.

The recess term which moved with

the motto Recess no stressended as

Recess so stressingThe highs and lows of recess term

The highsSecond years were not around to

monitor the movements of there

people so guys where now liberal. Af-

ter all they forgot to send relief to

their starving creatures.

In Busitema we share was a back-ground slogan. They shared.

The allowances though late keptdropping in.Most of us reached Kampala city out-

skirts for the first time. Though we

passed the by-pass when it was raining

and were unable to see the city

clearly, we at least reached there.

We can speak Lusoga, which can be

used even in other fields.We moved to all parts of the country.

2012 was thefirst time studentswere having recess term

at Namasagali campus


24/52

24


Facebookpost of the time

Akampumuza Aggrey Binjack

Recess term...yr 1......counting

Mvule...surviving on fene...

recess term 2012

Recess no stress...Mvule census

By: Akampumuza Aggrey Binjack

Photos: 23

Top of Form

Tusiime Judith guys thats wat ittakes add mangoes and water from

the nileAkampumuza Aggrey Binjack if the

available is not desirable....Bwebale Julius R u people still at

campus Or, shall we find u there?,

anyway thank u for the assistance

rendered 2 Ochieng n Emma 4 keepinpeople's property.Mpomwenda Veronica i forgot my

stove help mi keep it@year 2's to beHazra Pretty betty u are not up-

datedAkampumuza Aggrey Bin-

jack security tight...even for doz that

left "properties" everything z safe.Mpomwenda Veronica thank u tell me

u inherited mr ochieng@aggrey

The lows

we missed going to places originallyon timetable like Mt. Elgon, L. Kyoga,

Kakira, NAFFIRI, Entebbe. May God

forgive whosoever is responsible?We survived a terrible accident on

our way to main campus when a Nai-

robi bound Kampala Coach almostbrought us to rest.

A students perished when fire broke

into one of the rooms and two of our

very own escaped with minimal inju-

ries.We were tear-gassed at main campus

by Kayihura boys and like the MTNmarathon we scattered like never be-

fore.

The scattering stomach plague could

not leave us with peace.The uncertain program, abrupt

schedules made us be with no definiteprogram

Hunger, boredom, too much flatter-

ing

Whatever happened in the recess

term remained in recess term.. First

years were getting hands on skillsfor their career .Special appreciation

to H.O.D Mr. Taako Edema George(TEG) for his tireless efforts,Prof.Isabirye Moses (ISM), Dr.David

Kifumba Nsaaju (DKN), and Mr. Ma-

saba Sowedi (MS) without forgetting

the beloved NRE2011 class members.

Pursuing excellence .For GOD and

my country


25/52

25



26/52

26


ARE WE THIS

RURAL?The day I picked up my kumbe whatdo they call them admission form?

I got it amidst a bush not the

Museveni one but the one monkey

makes their children from. Because

if it not for the local thinking way

of the boda boda man I could have

landed in the river Nile looking fora kapande saying welcome to

BUSITEMA UNIVERSITY aca-

demic registrar's office kubanga

bambi they cant afford such luxu-

ries mbu am told.

Next up after being consulted by

the gundi askari who was masquer-

ading as the public relations officer

of the campus who did a good job

telling me the mansion for lectur-

ers would acts as our hostel until

our apartments were built I swal-

lowed for the unknown.

I wont go into my colleagues be-

cause they had swag from schoolslike kiwa. . . what and ofcause we

had woofers, home theatres, ward

robes and bambi my head went into

limbo bwe duu like the way I fin-

ished the breast of my mother.

These people threw us into a bus

because mbu procurement was yet

to buy the tyres from Kisenyi. Youknow am told mobile money doesnt

work with Stanbic bank baguy. So

you can imagine the noise chaos

when nyendo was mixing nkashabas

karaoke and omuzimu gwa nankya

while I was chilling the swagged upperson in sagali bumping to Iteso

tunes.

The definition of privacy in sagali

to was so bad that you couldnt kiss

a kagirl on your bed unless you

wanted Mr. Kakungulu the English

teacher to make you an error term

during econometrics.

And if you thought that was bad

bambi the other campuses were

very innovative, they put bed

sheets for walls mbu bricks copying

that hima cement advert mbu walls

never lie.

Kwegamba imagine if Uganda cranes

were going to play at Namboole and

coach nkugirentya was in action.

You had to buy a radio because you

couldnt imagine a kasmall gal

screaming louder than my radio

mbu okello ozinta as the total rubia

does its workironically given the fact the gal was

pretending to be a cute gal yet her

hostel is named the cage oba after

who and since its walls are standing

at 60 degrees like mr ochiengs belt

when he tucks in.


27/52

27


Kibira Fredrick

I dedicate this report 2 .........who has

alwayz......

Top of Form

Like Follow Post July 25 at

4:59pm via mobile

Lwetutte Samuel Senior Be

clear,,there is no reson for beating

abt the bushDiscplined Marie

ate nze njabimalayoojila okyabizanyilamu, any way thanx 4dat dedication, afew can apreciateKibira Fredrick Wel viola u deserve it

friend.Discplined Marie i knew u gud boy, u

not like the few i know of

Akullo Gloria Big up kiforestBottom of Form

Winny Kasule

ohhhhhhhhhhhh my co_wife abusedme, am even worried coz she promised

gun shoots. som advise shd i leave the

guy???????????????????? puzzled ka-sule in tears

Top of Form

Like Follow Post July 6 at7:09pm near Kampala

Tusiime Christopher men r few to-

kiriza,ffeirawo

Kalyesubula Mahad Mpande Wamaback off da dude

July 6 at 7:15pm via mobile Like

Tusiime Christopher@mahad ako

katwaa coz the ratio is 1:3 and those r

2

Akampumuza Aggrey Bin-

jack threaten her also...tell her mat-

labTransverseMackataGISeconometri

cskakukunguruTAkoobustard ki-

fumba!!!!!! She will scater neva to comeback....lol

Winny Kasule ohhhhhhhhhhh mygod@binjack all those hav refused coz

shes asnake gal

Tusiime Judith be a lady ov class

things will haen automatically

Winny Kasule hmmmmm tobalabula

July 8 at 6:44pm Like

Akampumuza Aggrey Bin-

jack@Tusiime Judith wat do umean? that shezn't ov class??Shaleen Shangtera hmmmmmm boys r

like fish get another 1

Mpomwenda Veronica bambi ka winny

keep soaking in tears oja kufuna solu-tion wamaJoseph Asasira kasule never mind ican house for as many times as u want.

Henry Eric Magezi Just concentrate

on loving da guy, she will scatter auto-matically.Tusiime Christopher winny abakaziabagumu tebakira kusangika .gumaa


28/52

28


Facebook;

namswaggerzNalukenge FionahMiss u guyz

Top of Form

Kalyesubula Mahad Mpande which

guysNalukenge Fionah All of uKalyesubula Mahad Mpande Wa

otunonya mu byaffeKibira Fredrick Which "all of u".Be speci.Tusiime Christopher specify coz

we a not beans totugatika.Francis Xavier Mun-

yagwa Especially..........? Anyway u

are not in a court

Lwetutte Samuel Senior whichguys?????,,,swaggers are comradesEm'reezy Emma i miss u

toooooooo. in disguise lolKibira Fredrick I read that u went

4m being in a relationsh 2 married.Is it my neighb.Nalukenge Fionah U talk alot i was

saying hi 2 everyone Fred am mar-ried 4 yo info

Kibira Fredrick Ok. Is it myneighbour.Nalukenge Fionah No plzKibira Fredrick Oo..oLwetutte Samuel Senior Fred be

simple and leave those thgs, u may

not understand

Man didyou get

chapatti

also

My chapatti isthe size of my

mattress

Boss how do you wel-come us with cha-

pattis and soup

Leaders at theswearing ceremony

missed food and our

snoops were on hand

Outgoing

Speaker


29/52

29


FORGET

THE 3CSBack in high school I was told cam-pus is that place you go to and come

home feeling obese so that when

you come home obesity wont let

you do any house chores since they

dont mix. Its a place you realise

Smirnoff is not a type of dance and

pizza is not a gangster movie from

Italy but a bigger more modern

brother of Rolex prepared by a non

Musoga though I wonder how the

Basoga managed to copy that tech-

nique.

But coming to Busitema and Nama-sagali to

be exact

bambi we

dont have

our diet

and dates

are rural

like thebaboons

people

compare

us to

when we

suddenly

pop up intheir con-

versation. So when I say am taking

you out my sweet potato this what

I mean.

Rural people hate oily foods for

fear of gaining weight and chickenis for big days like Easter and

birthdays so dont expect to ask me

mbu chicken tonight or fish fillet

when I ask you on a date though

Mukene is plentiful and can be a

dangerous substitute if feel like

being spoilt by me on a date. If you

want to feed the biggest then pre-

pare to do a bend over as I will buy

a raw one then you can cook it if

you dont mind spoiling your cutex.

The second C is chips but unfortu-

nately here they sell us cassava

fried in yesterdays cooking oil and


30/52

30


since plain chips is cheap, she gives

you 4 sticks at 100 a piece because

rural towns dont accommodate

many queues mbu you want to poop

and if you adventurous try our sau-sage potatoes that goes down easy

porridge youghat for easy drinking

and great testing on your first

date. If you want some more my

friend master chef can prepare you

a yummy plate of amukeke with

gnut paste. Its good for your skin

because ki kola nga samona.

I know you at this stage screaming

I will jump onto a cellular and chat

away with my homies in town. But

sorry you simply erase the third C

my friend. Busitema is pursuing ex-

cellence and such ways easily erodeyour excellence here network was

evicted like demons at church ser-

vice or pigs loitering at a mosque

the monkeys have turned electric-

ity lines into swings for their chil-

dren and babies because they pre-

sume they are nurseries, the poles

have been dug up to and depositedat mama Fahimas place to book

lunch by students thus absence of

network in the area. Thus forget

your 3cs like Erias Lukwago forgot

his dream of a new organised Kam-

pala city.

Thats how we love in Namasagalimy dear cutie pie.

facebookOur health debate on namswagger

Winny Kasule

A GOOD MAN IS ONE WHO

IS ..................................??????????????

?

Top of Form

Mpomwenda Veronica handsome andlies a bit

Winny Kasule no vero thers something uve leftMpomwenda Veronica God fear-

ing .......mbu honest i hear down to

earth blah blah the list never endJoseph Asasira who

loves,cares,cheats sometimes withouthurting any oneLwetutte Samuel Senior I think is

one who is caring, loving, ready for

the other in each situationKibira Fredrick Young kids with lv.

2day 1 whose circum, next day ?. Watgoes around comes around. 1 who buyz

Z, muteso, has alaptop above all a

honourableLwetutte Samuel Senior Fredo u are

updatedMpomwenda Veronica mzee fred telluHenry Eric Magezi One who under-

stands that da chic/ gal is not per-fect."one who loves da imperfect per-

fectlyTusiime Christopher waa a good hus-

band is one whose is like meKibira Fredrick Ha!


31/52

31


I know yourdad will know

you went for

the trip,,nayepliz get an-

other pose

Who said

bookscan be a

gun

Second comingof Jesus or

not???

Used topose like

that in p6

bro notcampus

Confusedbetween a

herdsman

and gen-tleman

Who is thatkaboy in the

t-shirt

Once an arrow boyalways arrow boy


32/52

32


FACE BOOKGrowing up I dreaded the idea of

walking around the neighbourhoodwith my parents not because my

mum was the ugliest neither oldest

at least but I hated the lengthy

greetings.

Once she met akalomet, they

slipped into this kind of staged

swirl of conversation that was em-

bedded in the lengthy greeting withasking how mum had been the last

few days, how the children were

fairing as well as studying and this

came with precise mentioning of

names of each child that mum

would answer with this sense of

childish pride glowing over her

face. How dad was and how he man-

ages to have such control of the

village and why he missed xxx beer

party thrown in X's memory and

how so and so is long missed as well

as issuing my mum with notices not

to miss the next village meeting.

Then they would be talking aboutthe chicken, cattle and how God

has lately been cruel to the farm-

lands and animals as well the spread

of certain diseases ravaging vil-

lages far off in the horizon among

others. Then before you knew they

would be updating each about the

dead people at the village andwhose grandmother was nearing her

end as well as who didnt deserve to

live any more.

In my small mind I found this bor-

ing and not hip at all since my

friends only greeted each othersnappy HI and sup dude'. So I took

it unto myself to always dodge

these village elders especially

women for fear of running to such

a scenario.

This greeting wasnt for my area

and home tribe those across even

the other tribes had their own take

on it. The Basoga in even added

rhythmic sounds that made the

whole scene look like two elders do-

ing the opera with no stage lights.

The sound was an ooohh that was

increasing in pitch as it ran off

your tongue and it was swingingback and forth till the sun went to

sleep. Ending it was like a tag of

war where none wanted to swallow

the pill and close the chain of

greeting so all you heard was ooohh

ooohh for up to 1minute.

The 5min greeting one would know

the other person current statuswith no need to chill on facebook or

pull out your computer and run

through their timeline. You would

tell who died readily, fell sick. Just

like the people who keep posting

status updates but ghastly by the

time you arrived I bet you werelate as a salary.


33/52

33


If you don't

give me some,

I unleash

wushu

chucked

again

nkooye

love

Gwe..its

now my

turn

Look at

thatkabintu

Tulimukintu

Bawe I

have the

business

plan in the

bag

You meantthat girl, I

now read

youRememberthe onewith a cocacola figure

Mama,love you

yanbirigo


34/52

34


SHHHAm writing this under a tree shade

in between two churches watching

people streaming in and out thebuildings their dress so immaculate

like there is a secret law on the

grounds to push Sunday fashion be-

yond the usual.

The shoes match the necklace that

matches the bungle and to enhance

the listening the ear rings too

arent forgotten. The bigger and

more elaborate the better. The

hair styles chosen so carefully you

feel sorry for the wind that has to

get a permit asking the hair to giveway. The faces so smooth you feel

sorry for the dust as it will be

wiped away every 20minutes using

the latest and softest cosmetic

powder of society measure.

Everybody is dressed to the showin the best know regardless of the

age and knowledge. Its a give and

take as everyone looks like they are

selling something. The single are on

the shelves looking for their Mr./

miss better halves and the married

are giving the singles every reason

to cross the bridge dressed to

their nines like twins, the missus

shoes match the husbands shirt

and his belt match her skirt.

The sky is the limit and the church

is the run way and Gods word is the

sponsor for this glam show.

The single wear under the 'comeget me'code as more skin to show

equal shorter distance to your fu-

ture kin. Brought together under

the blessing of the almighty. The

ladies the dress is above knee

length to expose the figure bound-

ing the unexplored Garden of Eden

she is. The nails polished with col-ours of innocence with a strong

fragrance to blow off any bad luck.

The cleavage holds the knowledge

of your future kin and the lips will

leave him trips around your high

heeled Loumbitins and Givenchy.

The church compound is the run


35/52

35


way to your future paradise as

you move around with a swerve.

The men ditch the jeans if to

land and gold on Sunday. Well

polished hair is a must and adark piped up skinny suite is a

mast for any prospective

suitor. For accessories a nice

tech gizmo is a must but car

keys are a positive in the right

direction of taking her down

your aisle.

For the married its all about

keeping up appearances and liv-

ing in denial that you still got

your youthful exuberance after

all these years. For those

5years and below in marriage a

baby is an accessory to make

your fashion boundaries limit-less. The trendiest baby clothe

are always in tow. The baby

shoes match daddies shirt just

as his belt matches mummies

dress in full kit with wet lips, a

curvy bum to hide any signs of

child birth. For daddy the grey

hair is a no no and the wholefamily has to have a signature

fragrance to plaster the cracks

of marriage. You dont want

that sh't being plastered all

over your face and your friends

are the mother of your compe-

tition yet you dont wanna falloff.

Em'reezy Emma

am officially single coz we signed our di-vorce form yesto. so now freshers here i

come

Top of FormLike Follow Post July 23 at 1:27pm

Lwetutte Samuel Senior thats the onlyway to go ,,,,,keep it upEm'reezy Emma it was like a battle field.

by the way no episodes here. lolLwetutte Samuel Senior successfull men

don,t play episodes,,,,,,thats the way to goafter all she wasn,t born with youWinny Kasule yeah @senior dats som good

advic bt nwe hooked up

wth ............................... these days am happy

@okurut am hapi where i amLwetutte Samuel Senior i do apologise my

sis for my advic ,,but any way i know more

apolos are comingKibira Fredrick Kool! Well the magic al-wayz happens at the end of the sem.Twesigye Naboth That's normal bt mind u

opportunists are......!Guto Collin hahahahahahahah am tired ofseeing such cases in the opening of every

ssemHenry Eric Magezi@ emma lol meanslots of love, laugh out loud. True friends

are hard to find esp in sagali. Watch out 4dos advice!!!!Kibira Fredrick Emm just zd wil do the

magic.Lwetutte Samuel Senior hehe,,,,lets

watch this time round


36/52

36


Ehh look at that girl

hope she likes my

swag

Stop pray-

ing so

they serve

the food

Dude do you have

diarrhoea?????

HANDOVER PICTURES


37/52

37


I told you they will see

us

Mbalage stami-

nah

Another chance to steal

more money

Are we

also in-

vited


38/52

38


GIVING IN

CHURCHIts a blessing to give than to re-ceive. Its a massage I have ready

all my life but refuse to comply, ac-

cept and even bothered to live by.

As I walk unto the church com-pound there are two items that

catch my eye the confession box

and the many stalls littered around

like alcohol puke screaming unto my

thread bare pockets to come spend.

All the items are religious litera-

ture, gear promoting the shirt andin house equipment all thrown at me

under the pretence of giving a

share of proceeds to the church. I

ignore these and hurdle my sins

with the hope of dumping them at

the foot of Jesus sculpture that

never stops bleeding at the sins of

you and me.

But alas this is a money centred

economy even to drop your shit at

the public toilet will pay a coin to

get that service and space and the

place stinks of that forget whatthe law says to place it until fur-

ther notice. Probably when it rains

and floods that shit will flow back

to you Karma says so.

The church being an entity too

wont swallow my shitty sins like

that per se. They levy me fees like

offertory, tithes and splendidly de-

signed pledge cards squeezing out

everything that I will be required

in good faith to give the imaginary

man above a little of my material

belongings .

The church being the temple of

wisdom, they charge open fees andsociety sets the prices. For me to

move up closer to being served

really quick for he operates on

first come, first serve. I basically

have to up my offer to several mul-

tiples the bigger the closer you sit

nearer Gods servant dishing out

blessings. Your sit reserved by thecongregation to fill your big belly

and more room so your deafening

fragrance doesnt send your

neighbours crashing to their de-

mise.

If you like me born and bred in the

cheating world under the code ' themore greed the more the success'


39/52

39


WHAT'S TRUE

LOVE???I writing this hoping you dont findme guilty my eye molecule block by

block sipping swift for judging oth-

ers every Sunday as I watch their

lips spray with joy

holding babies under the stigma

bundles of joy with their teeth yel-low and white reminding myself

poking my nose in their business for

their fragrance is incense built of

the greatest quality standing stra-

tegically at the church pouch to let

in friends who swarm by in quantity

their happiness piercing the gloomy

serene at the church for I camehere meek as a sheep ready for

slaughter from the ranch called a

church, their blood red shoes re-

minding me of the blood he shed

for moi sinking in their warmth

emanating regret sinning with allthose hoes as I searched in the

abyss for my masculinity. No won-

der for the last 20mins his sculp-

ture has

been star-

ing down at

me stone

called on

their rosa-

ries and

church

crosses

with a ting

of similar-

ity but ithas failed

to tempt

me into

contempt

for denial is

my familiarity excuses is a true

love the only dove posted on my

stove but reality wont get us apriest to guide us down the aisle.

My ears keep twitching around like

owl eyes picking up sounds as they

reminisce about their weddings piv-

oting them as their 'big days' yet

my equivalent is the day I managed

to drink beer and realised thats itsexpired for before anything went


40/52

40


long as it had 'my favourite written

round its bummy bosoms its not un-

til a girl floats by that a smile is

stretched across this temporary

stupor am sinking into their talk oftrue love creating debate in my

empty cranium

Whats true love, a hollow voice

yells as a smartly clad young holds

their baby really close and I

breathe with a snigger as some fool

replies one that leads to marriage

in church, ordained by a pretender

wearing a church cassock under the

approval of society amidst friends

as my soul looks for hangar to lean

on and laugh

Really? What do these bunch of

fools feed on I ask, her beauty I

say you maintain with your sweatcalled salary and to get into her

pants, I continue you lied to her

promising her a lifetime of happi-

ness in a land where dreams come

true. You swore that her cup would

never get empty and her body

would never get cold. You wrapped

these lies under 'vows' and pack-aged them in a wedding with match-

ing splendour and galore but you

never wrote it anywhere but claim

time will be your witness my clock

keep running and has never taken a

break so I wonder where you will

get him to swear by that bible asyour prime witness.

My legs clap and my hair etch up

like the Eiffel tower as I recollect

my lousy thoughts and ask do peo-

ple learned like this believed in un-

enlightened promises. I dont knowfor

they

all

seem happy like prostitutes who

have sold extra of that UN dimin-

ishable good in the night.

But me I love my style, I buy it

fuck it and move on yet I float on

with even extra happiness like ababy who just released shit in her

pampers but is sitting on it and

smiling cooking in audible words

love.marriage in the same line

that it comes free of charge yet

we say we modern and are taught

to think large really somebody islying who attended Gods marriage


41/52

41


Chicks and mangoes

Chapatti and soup for leaders

trans

port

Dress

code ofchampi-

ons

chai

Pork to-night


42/52

42


Until Victoria

dries

This kalo is

good

I have a

dreamdon't for-

get its

room 8

don't finish the

eggs for me

Fahimasfood

made for-

get thespeech

Lookingfor cattle

or chicks


43/52

43


AM A BELIEVERThe other day I had an argument

with some dude at whether am a

Christian or not and all I could an-swer was that am a believer. So the

argument went nowhere like all reli-

gious repertoire.

So I point out characteristics that

people base on to front their claimsand to lay a counter claim of my

statement. Do Christians go to pray

or sing seductive tunes for the

other sex?

mbu

'There is no one like you who can

touch me the way you do'

Those are religious lyrics am toldbut I expect them to be in a chart

topping secular song. I expect to

be on bukeddetv in some love scene

with everything translated of be-

cause and then come the issue of

women who wear all these very

comfortable clothes revealingthings that the best way to say

them is while moving to the oppo-

site sex now let your imagination

run lose in your head.

Then comes the reading of the day

'Share even the little you have'Think about that twice and you will

know what is talking about

Then there is this habit of twitting

and facebookimg while mass is go-

ing on. I expect that to be from me

who chilling at home getting closer

to hell but in reality its the oppo-

site.

Praise and worship gown for the

grown and sexy, in church

Thats a status update posted just

a few minutes back in the middle of

mass

Bringing me to the question of what

happened to people respecting thatverse

Give god what is for god and

Caesar what is for Caesar'

Till then am a believing in my own

standard and not the church going

standard


44/52

44


FASHION-

ISTASSee the other day I went shoppingfor new shit to pimp my swag for

the new semester. And for me to

go shopping I need sun to disappear

in the waste lands of Kabale umeme

chucks in Kampala and Madame

Musis gets humped by Erias the

lukwago.

So I have identified a list of items

that are a new pair of long sleeved

shoes with some muzigo on them,

you know the ones you smile at andthey show you your image of how

you have not brushed for a good

number of days.

And for the trousers I will need to

pimp it up with those warid pesa

man like trousers. You know the

ones that shaped like funnels. Wide

at the top down the hips and thenthey suddenly shrink at the knees

as though I have stopped feeding

my clothes.

Also I saw this boy Chris wear

these pin strip ties last semester

and these days women hatedresses thus I will shop them in all

colours and turn them into the ties

of my life. I know even lecturers

like mr gundi will also begin wearing

ties all I need is to get Bwire to

wear them once and tuli mukintu.

My grandfather recently passed on

RIP blood yet the boy had sleek

long sleeved shirts that he used as

his bed wear. These busgirls call

them night dresses. I also read

mbu fashion is going back into the

older years kati I will get these

night shirts wear them and nobody

will even know because these dotcom kids tebasoma history always

facebook, bitwitter mbu live chat,

current affairs wait till they love

my dress code shining in all the

bright colours like Besigyes new

ideas for walk to work.

Then come those saying youth no

longer support culture especiallyBaganda me I will get a strip of

mbugo make a belt for myself and

dip it in badblack to match my out-

fit. Then finally shave my head

black like the son of kaguta to show

them am in kintu and they will ask

for another rap


45/52

45


DREAM WEEKENDgone are the days when having a

good Saturday evening meant dig-

ging deep into my pocket and arm-

ing myself with a nice chick to goand drink and hope that the end of

the day she would close shop and

plant a wet kiss on your lips.

These days if I cant afford the

entry fee which is very often these

days to some over hyped show that

cant meet my aspirations. Simplyplug in my woofer and let the radio

do the damage to my overtly bored

Saturday night and starts pretty

early 3pm to be exact.

Saturday early its dj Tonjex till6pm for strictly Christian mixes

because by the time I black out

their wont be time to say hi to the

man above Tonjex does that for me

and I do it early enough before God

also gets drunk and forgets to for-

give my sins. You know that manalso happens you just ask the an-

gels

in

heaven and the people of Bwaise

who have to deal with it when he

pukes.

Once that dial clocks 6pm, you

know me switch me radio dial and

tune pon radio city 97 pon me dial

to dj aludaaa on de baseline for two

hours of nonstop nerve wreckin

wire waist wiggling Jamaican tunes

and riddims straight outta the Car-

ibbean and em other puff puff peo-

ple.Pon 8pm, me dont have to flip the

dial, for some century old shows

mbu dance force, who listens to

that or dj gero on hot 100 for I

swear I mix better stuff than

them, if you doubt invite me for

your girlfriends birthday but make

sure you tie her like a nodding dis-ease victim for I may steal her be-

fore the show is over because my

charm is kinigeria strong.

Instead I hit up the hashtag

#snms with misterdj still on radio

city 97.0 for the only radio mix

show thats like no other listeningtill I pass out.


46/52

46


OUR VILLAGE CORPO-

RATE RESPONSIBIL-

ITYI recently had a chance to tag along asensitization programme run and or-

ganised by students under their um-

brella theme protecting the environ-

ment. This drive was organised byWorld Life Conservation Network and

sponsored by Namasagali campus un-

der the department of community

outreach was held in Bugiri and in-volved meeting of village self help

projects.

clockwise: KAAWU members pose for

group photo,as well as key members

From the very word go, it was very

clear we were meeting an organised

community given the number of calls

between our leader and the commu-nity self help head. He directed us at

every step and stage so that we dontget lost along the way. On reaching

Bugiri, which was unfortunately at 12pm thanks to the bad roads our hosts

showed no fallen hearts as they wereall cheerful at our arrival.

We saw fist hand how the NAADSprogramme was having operational

short falls in the villages, and how or-ganisation can take you places. The

community was under the umbrella of

Keeping Active in Available Worth-

while Opportunities KAAWU and hadoffices with a visitors book and with

all the structures in place including a

constitution about the dos and donts

of the organisation. These levels oforganisation is something that even


47/52

47


our well paid organs like the guild have

shown that they dont have and arenot willing to have in place unless they

benefit monetarily.

Our team was led by the departmenthead Mr. Taako Edema George who

clearly marked put the benefit the

presence of a university is supposedto accrue to the local community. This

is in form of knowledge through re-search on the various problems com-

munities were facing, and pointed out

that Namasagali as a faculty had set

up a mechanism in which we extend wedistribute seedlings to villages and

even show them how to nurture theminto mature trees for harvest. This

was giving a different picture from

the perception that most people know

as a university being a centre for theluck few that are lucky in life.

members sign the visitors books

Ties between the two organs were

further up held through planting sym-

bolic trees in commemoration of the

new found relationship. Contacts wereexchanged and then the members of

World Life Conservation Networkshowed the community how to plant

and organise a seed bed as well asother ways to earn monetary benefits

from trees without waiting for themto grow to over ten years. This was a

major issue because many people havea natural fear to plant trees because

many take a long time to mature andwith the snappy life expectancy in

Uganda, its believed that one can diebefore enjoying benefits accrued

from the trees you planted. Forestry

and Conservation Network disap-

proved this by saying trees were more

in demand when they are seedlings

than when they are mature. For exam-ple a bag of seeds if well taken care


48/52

48


of, planted and helped to germinate

can earn one a good amount of moneyevery three months than you would

get planting and waiting to mature a

whole forest of trees.

tree planting

Through these simple ways not only

had the university sold its name tothe community at a cost of 10million

shillings like the guild accounts would

state , but it had given the communitythe good it sells the

most..KNOWLEDGE. Besides the

Busia Community Outreach didnt in-volve the students interacting with

the community which initially is thegoal of a community outreach. Also

this calls on other students organisa-

tion however small to get closer to

the community because every think

you do, its the community thats to

benefit and not you.


49/52

49


NECI tree planting exercise in Nama-

sagali and auctioning of seedlings touniversity administrators

Above: a university

administrator plantsseedlings provided by

NECI a local students

association champion-

ing conservation ofour environment in

Left; the club

patron Mr. Is-abirye Moses

takes time to

interact with the

students asmama dean pre-

pares to

pay..below

The seedlings


50/52

50


SMILES

growing up people used to say mbu to smile say

cheese even though you doint know how that rat food

tasted, show your teeth and make your lips are in

form of a banana so i though i could move aroundshowing your beauty smiles from sagali. And i know

you want them

How are

the cat-

tle boss

Is that

how they

smile in

korea

Bukeddes

abanonya near

in namasagali

Mama how

is the garden

These village

gals and their

malwa

Has someone

gassed????

?????

I see

you used

mob de-

lident


51/52

51


past Gianluigi Buffon. Spain took a 2-0

lead into the break, and the game feltas good as over. This is the team who

haven't conceded in a knockout match

since 2006, remember. And one whohad not lost in the last 70 matches in

which they'd gone ahead.

Italy needed help, but instead, theyfound hindrance when Thiago Motta

succumbed to injury just minutes af-

ter arriving in the game as a substi-

tute. With an hour on the clock and

Motta the last of Cesare Prandelli'sallotted changes, the Italians wereleft to play out the match with 10

men.

An improbable task had become an im-

possible one. And with that, Spain was

left to bask in a celebratory clinic

that would showcase the very brandof tiki-taka torture they have been so

clinical in inflicting these past four

years.

Handout/Getty ImagesFernando Torres, the man who scored

Spain's winner in the Euro 2008 final,inevitably came off the bench to

score their third. The striker then

played provider for his Chelsea team-mate, Juan Mata, to make it 4-0. Italy

had suffered a brutal pass-assination,

and one they seemingly had no powerof stopping.

The celebrations for Spain are sure to

be long. They should also be well coor-dinated when you consider this is the

third time in four years the Spanishhave ended a footballing quest with a

trophy.

Euro 2008 was where it all began forthe Spanish dynasty we see before ustoday. Luis Aragones' Spain entered

that tournament without a successsince the 1964 European Champion-

ship, but won all six games in style to

finally cast off the label of being in-

ternational football's perennial under-

achievers.

The next stop was South Africa,where Spainnow under Del Bosque

yet again proved themselves a cut

above the opposition to bring home

their first World Cup.

Despite arriving as reigning world and

European champions, some suggestedSpain's run would come to an end at

Euro 2012. With key players Carles

Puyol and David Villa injured, and aweariness expected from the likes of

Xavi and Andres Iniesta after long

seasons in La Liga and Europe, there

was a consensus that this Spain would

not live up to those we'd seen in 2008and 2010.


52/52

52

Spain's ascension to the footballing

heavens is complete. By winning a his-toric third successive major tourna-

ment at Euro 2012, Spain put their

argument as the greatest interna-

tional team in history.Vicente Del Bosque's pass mas-

ters overwhelmed and outclassed It-aly, 4-0, and touched on their mes-

merizing best during a one-sided con-

test that served as their latest coro-

ti

their route to the Euro 2012 final

were delivered the antidote. From thekickoff, hungry and imaginative red

shirts scampered forward in attackpasses fizzing between themand

Spain saw an early reward when DavidSilva headed home Cesc Fabregas'

cross.A second goal followed just before

halftime. Xavi's deftly-weighted pass

married the stride pattern of Jordi

Alb ki th d i f

busitema satellite vol 2 issue 1

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