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    Busitema satellite vol 2, issue 1

    Chief Editor: +256-775-638-676 Associate Editor:+256-779--324-219

    Namasagali Campus

    Vol.2 issue 1

    TheBusitema Satellite

    ELECTIONELECTIONELECTION

    REPORTREPORTREPORTPG 4PG 4PG 4

    WHERE YOUR FAVOURITE LEADERSWHERE YOUR FAVOURITE LEADERSWHERE YOUR FAVOURITE LEADERS

    WENTWENTWENTPG 5PG 5PG 5

    GET AGET AGET A

    DISTRICTDISTRICTDISTRICT

    TODAYTODAYTODAYPG 9PG 9PG 9

    WHATSWHATSWHATS

    TRUETRUETRUE

    LOVELOVELOVE PG 39PG 39PG 39

    RECESSRECESSRECESS

    TERMTERMTERM

    REPORTREPORTREPORT PGPGPG202020

    WHY SPAINWHY SPAINWHY SPAIN

    IS THEIS THEIS THE

    GREATESTGREATESTGREATEST

    OF ALLOF ALLOF ALL

    TIMETIMETIMEPG 52PG 52PG 52

    AUGUSTISSUE

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    IGRC 2012

    Namasagali CGRC 2012

    IGRC members with the Vice Chancellor

    CGRC members pose for a group photo

    Contact us

    Www.busitemasatelite.wordpress.com

    Www.faceboo.com/busitamsatellite

    Www.facebook.com/groups/namswaggerz

    @BSatelliteEditor for stories; +256779324219

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    COVER STORY;In April last semester Namasagali

    Campus pulled off a coup that seemed

    unattainable given our limited scoop in

    terms of numbers compared to othercampuses that have populations in

    their hundreds when we for the first

    time in our short history we had an ap-

    pointed minister coming from Namasa-gali. This wholesomely put to rest the

    heart ache of the previous year whenwe missed out on a ministerial post af-

    ter the then guild president labelledus children not worth having a minister

    on the IGRC.

    This coup not only did it get us the

    biggest ministry in terms of duties butalso we managed to pull a fast one off

    Busitema Main Campus. Their bragging

    rights were put to rest when they got

    Minister of Gender and constitutional

    affairs (technically useless) as well as

    the General Secretary. NagongeraCampus got the Vice President and the

    Right Honourable Speaker but ArapaiCampus retained most of the juicyministerial posts like Academics, Fi-

    nance meaning they constitute most ofthe IGRC membership.

    Unfortunately our prince in Armourwas a leader who got this appointment

    though on merit but to us close to himit was all shoddy given his track re-

    cord in the last guild and the way hemanipulated the CGRC to win the

    Presidents eye. All we can say is boss

    you can now officially enjoy and dance

    to the millions that come with your of-fice.

    EDITORS NOTEIn this issue check our unique federo

    guild structurepg4and the drama that

    marred that arrogant leaders electioncampaign as we dissect online voting , an

    innovation by our fist ever guild presi-

    dentpgs10&11. Gossip look out for theretirement packages handed out to our

    fallen leaders Muliro, Violapg13. Also

    the useless library and dig deep on thedisorganised recess termpg20and a

    minute to remember our colleague who

    passed on RIP, also decry the failed in-ternship process and for the first time

    we have inserted cool facebook and

    twitter posts to spice up our magazine.Our column pages check out what it felt

    like to join Namasagali as pioneers

    pg25, the dating process at Namasagalipg28and true lovepg38, plus our village

    corporate responsibility in associations

    like FORESTRY and NECIpg48plus sign

    off getting to terms to the fact thatSpain is greatest footballing nation of

    all time. Contributors SEMA NARE&AGGREY AKAMPUMUZA

    snapped. Caption this picture below????

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    POLITICAL

    STRUCTURETo many of our dear brothers whojust joined busitema. I know many

    come with the dreams of joining

    the ivory tower named Makerere

    but were dumped in busitema thus

    for your simple knowledge busitema

    is a rural based university and I say

    rural with a capital GOLOLA ac-

    cent.

    This means everything is done dif-

    ferent from your usual way even

    the politics and chain of command.

    First and foremost our politicalstructure has taken the federo

    type and not Buganda types so dont

    get excited my Baganda friends

    reading this or trying to get to

    grasps with what am trying to say.

    For those who arent familiar with

    the guild constitution and dont

    want to be drawn in acts and

    amendments since you rather spend

    your ample time chasing and scram-

    bling for the few mamas who roam

    Namasagali. I will break it down for

    you in a few lines simple as eatingchicken and enkoko.

    We have two political levels one at

    the university level as a whole and

    the smaller political unit operating

    at the level of your respective cam-

    puses.

    The university level constitutes

    four appointed ministers, the vice

    president, speaker, secretary and

    the respective RCC from each cam-

    pus who is your family setting would

    be the mother, father and their

    children the ones in kintu. These

    are close to the administration and

    Obella and all decisions done atcampus level pass through them be-

    fore they come into play.

    At the lower level of your local ru-

    ral campus we have the CGRC

    headed by the RCC and several

    nothing doers with titles waiting to

    serve you after getting their

    monthly allowances.So members if you planning to

    throw stones at the GP, yes thats

    how we call him in the bar sorry

    bambi the man is protected. First

    kill the RCC and his men before you

    cross the boundaries of your cam-

    pus because the ICGRC provides toyou.

    17the numberof guild leaders

    at campus

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    ORIADAS HAND OVER

    SPEECH REMINDS ME OF OUR

    VILLAGE LC1Over the past few days after the hulla-

    balloo of elections I have been reminisc-ing over the achievements i can pick from

    Oriadas govt and i always end with the

    same answer. He drank verliam 5 onswearing in day on April 18th 2011 and

    only woke up to hand over to the next

    government ironically a day to when heassumed power. For even from the very

    word go his government was never des-

    tined to be littered with massive whitegold achievements given the fact that his

    was more of a trial government than an

    actual govt. It was the first as we weretransferring from the old system of gov-

    ernance to one where power is decentral-

    ised. Hence the whole setup was reekingof hardships at every turn because it was

    to consume more of the psychological

    man power than the physical. Thus in hishandover speech I expected more of thesmooth foundation he had laid out for

    the next government and not a situation

    where he names achievements that I ex-pect to a appear in the speech of a cer-

    tain campus secretary whose post I dont

    want to even say.Having faced all the blockades he had I

    expected more of the psychological em-

    powerment and not claims of hearingstatements like 'I ensured dstv in all

    campuses' as though was the highest paid

    secretary of welfare because its welldocumented that we had to spend a num-

    ber of weeks squatting in video halls

    when our subscription had run out andthe decoder allocated for in the budget

    was never bought.

    I expected Mr. Oriada to say I pushed

    for campus accounts having realised theblocked he got in allocating funds to the

    respective campuses and not statements

    like ' I sometimes signed documents thatI dont know' because that was a expo-

    sure of highest level of un awareness.I also heard him emphasise the talk ofthe so called Busia community outreach

    and the high A+ rating his government

    achieved and got the university as awhole. But at a second look and tracing by

    the way the show ran, it was like the

    guild were queen dancers grooving to thetune of the administration as their heavy

    presence over shadowed the guild.

    This trend of events then makes Mr.

    Oriada with no choice but clutch onstraws making his rule not even compara-

    ble to my lc1 chief's speech. Like one who

    says he cut chicken theft by half forget-ting no one rears chicken any more on the

    village.

    Sometimes I think the case of getting alittle illumination of my ignorance could

    be the main cause of why I loathe

    Oriadas govt and compare it to the dungof Ugandas leadership. This a govt that

    came into existence after peeing on our

    dignity and abusing our virginity. Havinghidden the figures that come with all

    those constitution amendments, they

    made the beggars fewer at the high tableand their respective shares bigger. Be-

    cause how can one explain how a 150mil-

    lion project operate without the peoplewho gave you the mandate having a copy

    of the budget. And when they take the

    initiative you brand them cheats. Sin-cerely Mr President you should have

    known better instead of turning a multi-

    million shilling project into a game ran byamateurs.

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    ELECTIONS AS I

    SAW THEMMan UTD nearly won the title minus

    beating man city in any

    game and I cant imag-

    ine call the GP his ex-cellence yet he lost the

    vote in my campus by aland slide. This was atrend in nearly all the

    election last semester.

    The sports union boss

    election doesnt evendeserve a mention as

    sports have been syn-

    onymous with disap-pointments no wonder

    the most disappointing man took the

    day. How can a no bodycampaign onceand take the day.

    Moving onto the lower level the look

    on Rosettes face was miles differentfrom the lady on those gold posters

    hanging dangly on our walls begging us

    for votes and if Muliro is engaged inactivities aimed at injecting sanity in

    society then he needs to take an overdose of that sanity himself. If so

    Then NECI is the way to go man since

    its more organised than the CGRC you

    were fighting for and Frank I now re-spect your staminah man on how you

    won the election for RCC, I even haveto appreciate how you managed to

    over haul that magulu kumi into your

    rib.

    The other posts where year twos con-tested against a year one it was a case

    of who is older and not capability nowonder they all lost the election to

    Lukman and Papa respectively. If you

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    thought doing an Otuunu to yourself

    on election day was the best idea,then ask Jos who won by one vote

    because the equalising vote is believedto have come from his co star in star

    taffa thus election is not the best time

    to chuck any one especially if they are

    eligible voters.

    For not to be this vote then he would

    be fighting for scraps like Raymondafter the vote for speaker went to

    the wire after a 35 a piece vote tiewith Mabirizi and Okitui was reducedto Mr. any other business after he

    couldnt stand the political mudundossraining on his head no wonder his trou-

    sers dont touch his shoes no more ashe seems to grow taller in the direc-

    tion of igwefor that Nigerian power.

    And talking about power the way Ma-had lost to Okurut for the post of

    welfare secretary, I wonder if Okurut

    will ever get chance to video mix onMahads virtual DJ kumbanga that

    range left Mahad doing the Iteso ver-

    sion of head a bubble not after gianthad pooped in his ego with talk that

    he dissed them freshers.

    And talking about people with bigthings ...you Might have the bigger

    ebintu but in politics bumless cankubbe the drum and you dance. This

    was witnessed when Winy who

    emerged winner and thus will be danc-

    ing and dancing Okello ozinta as fac-ulty representatives getting overly

    paid for fluking lectures meetings andenjoying Tinos chai.

    Still talking ladies the first lady

    omuyimbitrounced lucky (a boy am

    told) so badly that Chris threw himout of their rented TC mansion be-

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    cause his girlfriend complained mbu he

    is cheating on her with bu loserfriends.

    Also the race between Tusime and

    Gutto had usas it was a pitched bat-

    tle between beauty and mama lip shine

    and unfortunately Tusime shined asViola was engaged in a battle of David

    and Goliath with Ogugu Patrick and

    you know the saying the higher themonkey climbs the more its arse is ex-

    posed and Viola who playedmonkey was badly exposed. She

    lost by the biggest margin ever

    in Busitema elections. Feel free

    to ask her the numbers you

    might win more than just a slap

    but you may win her heart forshe needs someone you know.

    Sentebbe Ben surely showedthe power of prayer beatingLillian despite her pulling those

    juju tricks in the multipurpose

    hall where I hear those boys

    wanted her to win the election so they

    could maximise on the optical nutrition

    of her ebintu and lips. Kale am already

    feeling sori for some people am out...

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    ACHOLA JACQUELINEADIPET ISAAC

    AJA CLARE

    ANNET ABIYOCHAKARIO JOMO

    CHEMONES VINCENTKASANGO ARAMANZAN

    LAJARA Beatrice Kumago

    NAGUJJA SHAKIRANAKAWALA OLIVEROKELLO EMMANUEL

    OKOKAYA MOSESOLENG MAXWEL

    OPUS JULIUS

    OUNDO ARTHUR FRED

    WAKALANGA SULAYI

    WANYONYI INNOCENTLwetutte Samuel Seniorwho can predict the new faces atcampo in August??????

    Kalyesubula Mahad Mpande Onoonyamukazi

    Discplined Marie hmm its only u whois so interested in knowing the bu kids

    Lwetutte Samuel Senior kiganda say-ing,,,,,,emiti emito gye gyigumizaekibira

    Kalyesubula Mahad Mpande Sam ezoengero ezibadifendinga, ezimutezikyakola leero

    Winny Kasule obviously ma face@senior just wait and see the newstyles

    Awori Immaculate me

    Kibira Fredrick Awori?

    Joseph Asasira SOME NICE CUTIEBABE

    Discplined Marie wc one a u meaningawori

    Katikwe Wilson Carton faces b'se 'vealready seen when i was at main cps

    Mpomwenda Veronica my cousin sis isde hmm....July 24 at 4:26pm Like

    Lwetutte Samuel Senior wile that isan insultKudu David be patient pl'se

    Discplined Marie kudu is patient also,haha bajya kuta

    Lwetutte Samuel Senior Viola weneed to avoid insults

    Discplined Marie aint insulting any onepliz its just comment got mi right mis-terIvan Komic I see a gisu chic at cam-pus in august

    Lwetutte Samuel Senior its will be mypleasure komic

    Kibira Fredrick Am going 2 be triple.

    Lwetutte Samuel Senior Fredo i seeafterall ecol,inter medi &evt eco stil

    exist but remember we are near theNile bse a state of emergency may becalled

    Kibira Fredrick Senior: no 1 is gettinghurt.Lwetutte Samuel Senior Kibs,, one-two- now eyeing three,,,try yo luckbut????Kibira Fredrick Senior: am safe.

    Francis Xavier Munyagwa This timeno intake bakulu

    Freshers 2012Busitema admitted for academic year 2012/2013 and Na-masagali got 17 of these. Seven (7) of them are girls and

    the rest are male students.

    1512number of

    freshers in

    2012 in take

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    Some compared Uganda map to a go-

    mesi and others its like brokenpainted glass due to the number of

    districts we got. The creation of 25

    new districts caused debate using thetag # follow us too @BSatellite

    @Tallbafa#GetADistrictTodayMy

    grand mother is making a hundredyears. I think I should lobby for her a

    district as a present

    Roland Bless Taremwa@binrola Its

    actualky not that hard. Wear a yelloy

    Tshirt and#GetADistrictToday, thencollect taxes

    lNuwamanya Em-manuel @emmanuwamanya

    I'm very sure they will advise you to

    demand for a District instead of a pay

    rise - Rastoon#GetADistrictToday

    Emmanuel Wilobs@Wilobs

    Take time off the the drinking spreeand#getadistrictToday

    OTIMONG DEN-

    NIS @Otimong_La_Adoa

    @agellu@Ogwangsam so there is a

    possibilty of getting a fake district?,ha ha ha ha my country is in some new

    heights#GetAdistrictToday

    Godfrey S Kyedza@kyedza

    Does anyone have a download link to a"Complete IDIOTS Guide"

    to#GetAdistrictToday

    Godfrey S Kyedza@kyedza@Otimong_La_Adoa converting your

    plots to districts just go easierSEND#GetAdistrictToday to

    @AmamaMbabazi I had meeting up to

    9:15am and missed most of it! I betyou supported the beast

    called#GetADistrictToday

    David F.K. Mpanga@dfkm1970

    @Desertgrit888 ..and Kitti, Kiteezi,

    Nangabo - all districts waiting to be

    anointed and the jobs dished out. Mu-

    jje tulye!#GetaDistrictToday

    Songa Samuel-stone@SongaStoneSoon, one will need a magnifying glassto identify their district of origin on

    the #UG map.#GetADistrictToday

    Patrick Mugumya@mugumya

    70% of all new districts in Uganda are

    inspired by need for tribes to self

    govern. They are just tribal en-claves#GetADistrictToday

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    EC FLIRTING WITH IT,Gonahasa rewinded the years back

    to the 1860 when Columbus sailed

    west in search of greatness in the

    'false' hope that across the un-friendly uncharted waters of the

    Atlantic lay another civilisation

    that Spain would conquer. Many

    doubters of course doubted his

    stance especially given that many

    believed the world was flat and not

    round. Hence many believed thatsailing far off land, Columbus

    risked falling off the earth into

    the abyss.

    Fast forward to 2012, the EC

    jumped on the IT band wagon head

    first with the hope of online voting

    like its done in the outside coun-

    tries like the US where candidatesand voters can access live results

    on the voting is on paper it looked

    easy but practically many hardships

    lay ahead the biggest being not lo-

    gistics but psychological group we

    buried in that next election can

    take place unless by the act of

    folding a paper and dumping into a

    black box in the full view of the

    world. Its on this note that I say

    that the best way of that system

    working if we are to go there is

    through if our are is through up-

    loading the system and letting vot-

    ing be done concurrently as thecampaigns are going on if its

    deemed necessary since or let peo-

    ple be familiar with it as soon as

    collection of nominees is done by

    the EC. This helps people with the

    system also the candidates shouldmarket it in their manifestos and if

    possible a link be put up on the of-

    ficial university website where stu-

    dents can play with it until the big

    day.

    Obuto Solomon

    WE WANT THE DECODER ORBUY LIKE THE ONE BELOW

    OTHER WISE WE SHALL ALL

    BECOME SINGLES!

    Top of Form

    July 1 at 4:30pm

    Obuto Solomon likes this.

    Francis Xavier Munyagwa Man its

    the real one investigations are start-ing with you

    Francis Xavier Munyagwa Man itsthe real one investigations are start-

    ing with youObuto Solomon WE SHALL BECOME

    SINGLES! NO PROBLEM coz every-body is saying no including youLwetutte Samuel Senior am stillhumble in these issues since its still a

    romour but any victim i see if truewill face it hot,,,,,,,,,,Tusiime Christopher decorder vs tv

    is the match

    Kudu David wat do u meanShaleen Shangtera better that way

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    ONLINE VOTING

    SHOULD FOCUS

    MORE ON SENSI-TISATION

    technology is that ugly woman youwont make beautiful even when you

    drink yourself silly off your favour-

    ite bitter drink and Busitema being

    a university pursuing excellence

    thats a bitter truth you wont do

    away with but swallow meaning thatthe idea of online is something we

    must brace our selves especially in

    these times when prices are skyrocketing at every minute. The

    budget to organise the elections

    has sky rocketed from a paltry

    5million in 2007 to over 45million and

    still rising.Even though Busitema has taken giant

    steps in this direction it was ham-

    pered by bad preparation and unavail-ability of logistics although some were

    there, the most important logistic was

    completely ignored by the innovators

    and thats the students perception

    and use of computer and online func-tionality.

    6 out of every 10 students at

    Busitema are from schools where

    computer are a luxury and not a studytool and they are built for high end

    schools where fees is rocketing tomultiple digits. Thus a computer is

    useless literally to them as long as

    they can pass without a retake.

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    Next up is the fact is that even thosewho access them the same percentage

    is facebooking and lately on youtubemeaning that in their computer vo-

    cabulary internet means facebook and

    the only time Wikipedia gets a men-

    tion is when a lecturer wants course

    work really quick, and given the factthe librarian has also spelled it in caps

    lock that the library has no booksabout that topic and that the lecturer

    needs his work typed.This means that to you the innovator

    for online voting to become a reality

    the above mentioned hiccups have to

    cease to exist or you should find ways

    of integrating it on those sites where

    they normally frequent so that theycan be redirected onto the voting

    page so people dont look at a com-puter merely as a black box but a toolthat gives so much and never stops

    giving.

    Alternatively the system should be

    running periodically so students can

    get familiar with it and the speaker

    who remains with the powers should

    viciously market it till its consumed bystudents.

    busitema has 4cam-puses each headed by aResident campus commis-

    sioner RCC

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    WHERE ARE THEY

    NOW????Its said politics is a game of short

    gains where no friends are real and no

    enemies are permanent as long as

    their dream of GETTING THEREre-

    mains the same and down to Namasa-

    gali manyof our

    budding

    politicians

    have notbeen im-

    mune tothis virus.

    After the

    glam andpop as our

    leaders

    many have resigned to living subtle

    UN eventful lives as we shall break itdown below as I pick a few notables of

    the previous regime.

    MR OJANJI MUFIRE MULIRO

    He swore to flood Namasagali with

    projects having exemplified by owning

    Namasagali first cattle kraal of cattle

    but after 8months the only project he

    has under his belt as kasimo is a bunchof trees drying up mbu 'developing

    with the environment' yet he was theman charged with distributing the fi-

    nances of the campus. Leave alone the

    piling questions of claims he took offwith a couple of millions from the

    guild funds. How true dont ask me.Now days you will bump into him min-

    gling his KALOwith some small fish or

    on some market day bargaining for

    some discounts on FENEbecause even

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    though the economy is in crisis, his

    pockets are in deeper crisis.

    BWIRE

    To many he is known for wearing

    suites all the time in good know ofthe political future of Busitema and

    he used to carry all the a notebook

    having future plans and he made thequote 'if they give you money can you

    refuse it' after he was

    grilled by the Bagdadaccounts committee for

    buying chapatti at 1k apiece for some meeting

    called General assembly

    when he served as the

    campus speaker and even hosted a po-litical failure at one named latif and

    fed him on fish every day from hispocket as they looked for votes.

    These days is the total opposite of his

    former self, for you will find him in

    long sleeved shoes with no sole andtilted to one side due to friction walk-

    ing from place to place on an empty

    He is writinga book of his

    stay in

    busitema uni-versity

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    stomach. Lunch on a good day is por-

    ridge and boiled potatoes or he justhas the time in lunch spreading

    wolokoso. Even Miss Busia dumped him

    because mbu he was plot less and daydreaming about being the vice presi-

    dent and mp at the same time. The

    hard times have been so cruel we cantwait for the book he is writing mbu

    about his time in Namasagali. Cantwait boss

    MUGISHA VIOLA

    She

    needs no introduction. The curvy

    smooth faced lady with the fat

    kaboom boom and very small voice

    that dont meet her weight who madesome fresher choke on his cigarette

    the day he first saw her. Among her

    assets in her glory days was the bunchof house boys she had at main campus

    when she served as the Justice Sec-

    retary. We hear she once got hertransport paid from Masindi after

    mbu a workshop oba on what issues

    just to come and vote. On arrival theyquenched her thirst

    with big glasses of

    splash as one of thehouse boys massaged

    her tired muscles.Naye these days

    times are so hard her

    bulips are dry she even has borrow lip

    shine from Gutto. Even the kaboy whowas conning her locally here in Nama-

    sagali yamalayo. He dumped her sobadly he doesnot even say a hi to her.

    I think that kanigerian movie title

    suites her well, from grace to grass.

    KATEME MARTH

    If you though balokole are safe thenthink twice when you have hopes of

    swimming in the murky waters of poli-

    tics. This lady was the first church

    mama yes church mama, then per-

    sonal secretary to some concernedstudent and Namasagalis first libera-

    Heads the allgirls click in na-

    mansagali

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    tors after fa-

    ther Grimes andhad she even had

    the juicy post as

    campus secre-tary, a post that comes with allow-

    ances of 900k over an 8 months pe-

    riod and even nearly became univer-sity.

    These days all she does is wear gum-boots mbu NECI because its her only

    hope from the sea of bing no wear.

    MARY IMMACULATE

    Kati this chick was the first gal to

    bring a laptop to our village universityespecially at this campus in particular

    before any boy even bought one, beat

    some girl miserably at the elections to

    become transport secretary and thenbecame mukyala Ndimu despite

    Ndimu's mother warning him against

    girls and how bad

    they can be and thiswhere her beautiful

    future sadly comes

    to an end. First shelost the post the

    post of transport secretary without

    getting even a coin and now days she

    is so kabawo that even her suits dont

    fit her. Sadly even her influence overthe likes of Mary and Gutto has fallen

    so badly. Wama at least me I remem-

    ber you that are why I even wrote

    about you.

    TWESGYE NABOTH

    he is known for living under the motto

    'man eateth where he worketh' we all

    loved the katemba he caused exercis-

    ing his primitive energy

    She started the fistchurch in Namasagali

    we call her mother

    Theresa

    Heads the sengaassociation of Na-

    masagali and

    samia bugwe fu-ture mp

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    Even his Friday night shows in TC at

    unique bar have flopped so badly thatdjs have stopped lending him machines

    because they are tired for mixing forwalls and mosquitoes. His pool table is

    played by rats only and revellers dontlike hanging at the bar for fear of

    eating boiled chips and boiled chicken.

    Its common to find him at his bar

    much stressed talking to himself with

    his pocket trousers peeping. We dedi-

    cate to you siye ekomerero by omu-langira suna

    So members this a humble appeal tothe populace that if you accidently

    land on the people who appear in this

    story please don't beat to kill, just

    report to your nearest police station,

    you will hold the reward with two

    hands.

    when it came to time to demand for

    allowances and stealing the fresher'sball monies as well as the TV. He wore

    the best suit at campus in his merry

    days and even splashed samona ontohis kapata so you would think

    Museveni had come to your campus.

    Bambi these days the phrase thesedays is 'wonder what to eateth with-

    out worketh' times are so hard even

    his kiwalata wont get enough samonasince that Vaseline is deemed too ex-

    pensive. He was always on the phone

    with the powers that be in this landhaving conversation but now days he

    uses others peoples phones so he can

    also get a missed call.

    Runsunique

    bar in TC

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    BUSITEMA LI-

    BRARY STYLE UPI was castigating the busitemawebsite for being shallow and

    static and some people called me of

    sounding more of a hater because

    to them its the best designed but

    people visit university sites for

    content and not design with nice

    pictures and deep emulsion colours.

    In the same breath that I jump

    onto the necks of the Busitema

    University because they practically

    generate material annually as long

    as people are graduating.For an academic university heavily

    involved in generating internship

    reports, industrial trainings and

    proposal writing produced annually

    as a primary requirement for one to

    attain a degree or whatever re-

    quirement it leaves a bitter taste in

    my mouth that it runs no online

    data base where these are pub-

    lished for consumption or filing and

    future referencing by future schol-

    ars.

    On a local level Makerere run oneby their library yet busitema uni-

    versity running on the murals of in-

    novation has nothing.

    This makes me wonder whether our

    dissertations are dumped in boxes

    marked 2012/13 and left to be

    eaten away by rats. Yet the best

    thing would be that students hand

    in the hard copies alongside soft

    copies to their lecturers which can

    be up-

    loaded

    to the

    data-

    baseby the

    librarian through login access in-

    stead of them wasting away playing

    solitaire on the computers.

    Even the lecturers have not been

    spared take for example Dr

    Munyuli who have for donkey years

    failed to publish their works due toabsence such simple tools. So to

    our dear it men whats the essence

    of having a website if it has no sec-

    tion linking to library where I can

    access previously written material

    from my fellow students because

    these are requirements that aremandatory for graduation.

    4the number of librariansdeployed at Namasagali campus library

    3 on full time and 1 who drops by onpart time basis

    12computers at campus

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    WHEN BUSITEMA DID A

    GOLOLA ON USTowards the end of last semester

    the deans and their Hench catchos

    kept screaming and swearing tobite us till we peed in our pants

    but waaaa it was all a joking sub-

    ject.

    First and foremost the internship

    was so badly organised and super-

    vised that my blind grandmother

    would have done a better job than

    them. I mean how do you send me

    mr Ochieng of all people to come

    and supervise me at my air condi-

    tioned officer. The dude appears in

    my office with his belt at 60o and

    instead of asking me serious his

    like

    man this place is like winter wontyou come back to campus white as a

    muzungu

    He spent the whle time admiring my

    coffee, the cushioned cozy chair I

    had and even didnt want to leave

    the seat when I told him its time

    to go mbu,

    man the kabawo at Namasagali istoo muchI can die here in my

    sleep

    So you can see how unserious our

    lecturers are..mbu tell your

    friends

    I am heard.I mean

    hard waaaaa you are a joking sub-ject.

    Then step up the recess and ahh

    my lecturers mistook recess for a

    chance to make us taste prison. As

    if we had told them we wanted to

    meet Bad Black. Waaaa we dontdeal with such interns whose or-

    ganisation is that SPEKE Road and

    collect data by entering mens

    pants. Even that boy from Luzira

    didnt take his mugole their mbu he

    told her he is from Congo, can you

    imagine. All those talk of going to

    Masindi to enjoy water were white

    lies more over told by a black man.

    More like the ones Museveni tells

    Ugandans and they give him votes.

    Then one student dies in busitemaand they cover up their mistakes

    mashed in carelessness by sending

    students away yet my calendar was

    reading 15 not 27th. Mr Dean I de-

    mand a refund of my time wasted

    because that Golola on us was seri-

    ous. .

    150,000shilling is whatstudents received for the 6

    weeks internship training com-

    pared to the 350,000re-ceived by Makerere students

    doing the same internship train-ing over the same period

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    RECESS

    REPORTWhereas the recess term was of-ficially meant to run for 10 weeks

    it ran for 6 leaving about 4weeks

    unaccounted for. Filled by bore-

    dom, redundancy, lack, ignorance,

    arrogance, yawn-ing ,hunger ,malice ,fun the cam-pus officials must have been

    tapped unawares and just bumpedinto things .It was uncertain how

    many people were there at cam-pus because of the part timing

    students who dropped in time and

    again.Chronicles of the recess term

    First week; Students coming

    back from the week long break

    with the themeRecess no stress

    Second and third week; Making

    questionnaires .Turning up every

    day to make and translate the

    questionnaires to native Lusooga.

    People with dictionaries were on

    demand like pancakes as to othersreading Lusooga was like reading

    the Quran.

    Fisheries research; This was real

    hands-on. Bubbling Lusooga like

    nothing. Wasooma kyaghagha?,

    Oine emyaka

    eimeka?,ebyenanda,were some of

    the words in the Lusooga packedinterviews .During the inter-

    views ,the waterdwelling homo

    sapiens were absentminded star-ing at the hot campus babes espe-

    cially those who could sketch

    some Lusooga and so the and thequestion could be repeated over

    and over. See how girls come backwith fish and guys come back with

    papers!Mvule census; Dr.Kifumba,

    Sir.Taako were in charge dividingus into multiple groups packed on

    the FORD going to battle for Part2 of the Lusooga packed experi-

    ence . Measuring bole (not ball)

    height, crown height and width,

    tree height and stuff like so.Spending a day in gumboots gave

    us a test of time, enduring thescorching sun and being patient

    with hunger whilst TEG was spit-

    ting fire asking for more filled

    questionnaires. Jack fruits, man-

    goes paid the price after the hun-

    gry natural resource economistspounced on them like manna from

    heaven .chicks climbing trees?LOL. It was real stuff, fun-filled,but pinching.

    Trip to Murchison Falls NP;This

    was like acting as Horror movie

    setting from campus that Sunday

    24/5/2012 early morning; the

    H.O.D terminated our Papas

    prayer as he prayed for journeymercies. 5kms ahead, the bus, the

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    bus was stuck in mud, burning 30

    minutes trying to forge life. Wereached Jinja and people disap-

    peared and Edema lamented like

    one who had last a mother-in-law.We were now heading to Kampala.

    Some of us thought we were kill-

    ing two birds with one stone and

    would reach the pearl of Africas

    capital city for the first time butthey bird luck, the bus guy used

    the Northern by-pass and in a

    twinkle of an eye, we were in

    Kawempe heading northwards.The hunger demons could not halt

    haunting us and the yawning anddosing in the Nagongera Campus

    bus were as prayers for food.

    Kafu food saved us and we sur-

    vived. We were getting late, onlyto realize that no one knew the

    exact place we were going to andhad to use a 1948 map to trace

    for the place. Thank God by twi-

    light we reached, I wouldnt like

    to tell stories of how people

    where misbehaving with peoples

    properties but its all about re-cess and after all in Busitema we

    share. Crossing the ferry wasohhh ehhhhh..wawawa!!.Paraa was more of a comfortable

    jail for us as animals roamed

    around about us. Moving to watch

    animals, birds, the famous Mur-

    chison falls, and such stuff. While

    there, threatened investors em-

    ployed Facebook and WaridPakalast to monitor the move-

    ments of their investments and

    I cannot explain the alarming andheart breaking feedback as the

    investments had been privatized.

    The three hour the boat ride aswe pushed to view the beautiful

    Murchison falls revealed those

    suffering from Amnesia while theSpain-Portugal EURO 2012 semi-

    final almost cost us our lives aswe moved through the park at

    1am after

    seeing the

    Spaniardstriumph to

    finals. Toomuch love

    for soccer!!!

    Meanwhile

    other beings had turned our bus

    into a wrestling ring as they

    wrestled diplomatically and couldnot miss that oncein-a-lifetime

    chance.

    The trip originally meant to take 12

    days took only 3days and we came

    back on the fourth day. Food for

    thought. Dont over think about thatbecause this is Uganda. On away back,

    a giant elephant stood in our way mod-eling for about 30 minutes as peoplewere steadily wetting there pants due

    to fear.

    The meat, cassava, gonja packed

    breakfast at Kafu awakened the un-

    stable stomachs from a previous days

    meal. The running stomachs were like

    the plagues God gave to

    1 student diedduring recess term

    rip

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    Pharaoh in the bible and we therefore

    had to stop at every stage as guys(lecturers inclusive) were

    downloading stuff. May GOD bless

    the manufacturers of Charcoal (ablack tablet) that saved us. Bath-

    rooms and urinals had to also compro-

    mise as toilets. Next time better!!

    Who told them to chew warthogsmeat?G.I.S and remote sensing (at main

    campus); July 01, Natural Resource

    economists joined engineers for awould-be fortnight experience doing

    that Prof. Isabiryes stuff. The joythat we would be catered for evapo-rated in the open air as students mis-

    took accommodation with both feeding

    and sleeping (blame their Primary

    teachers).From the first day of our

    stay there, guys were complaining of

    allowances or else we relocate back to

    our village campus.

    Yawning and hunger went to another

    level as the loan services of Mama Fa-hima and madam Tino where nowhere

    and starvation was the order of the

    day while saliva became the best dish.People developed all versions of dis-

    eases like nodding disease, sleeping

    sickness, nymphomania etc. Thank thehospitable main campus guys who made

    tea for us and donated their 1inchmattresses to us. As a blessing in dis-

    guise, I maintained my campus figure

    while the former pig-like pals devel-

    oped waistlines. Jimmy, the new wel-fare dean suffered the wrath from

    the suffering campusers as they ac-cused him of the delayed allowances.

    The recess term which moved with

    the motto Recess no stressended as

    Recess so stressingThe highs and lows of recess term

    The highsSecond years were not around to

    monitor the movements of there

    people so guys where now liberal. Af-

    ter all they forgot to send relief to

    their starving creatures.

    In Busitema we share was a back-ground slogan. They shared.

    The allowances though late keptdropping in.Most of us reached Kampala city out-

    skirts for the first time. Though we

    passed the by-pass when it was raining

    and were unable to see the city

    clearly, we at least reached there.

    We can speak Lusoga, which can be

    used even in other fields.We moved to all parts of the country.

    2012 was thefirst time studentswere having recess term

    at Namasagali campus

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    Facebookpost of the time

    Akampumuza Aggrey Binjack

    Recess term...yr 1......counting

    Mvule...surviving on fene...

    recess term 2012

    Recess no stress...Mvule census

    By: Akampumuza Aggrey Binjack

    Photos: 23

    Top of Form

    Tusiime Judith guys thats wat ittakes add mangoes and water from

    the nileAkampumuza Aggrey Binjack if the

    available is not desirable....Bwebale Julius R u people still at

    campus Or, shall we find u there?,

    anyway thank u for the assistance

    rendered 2 Ochieng n Emma 4 keepinpeople's property.Mpomwenda Veronica i forgot my

    stove help mi keep it@year 2's to beHazra Pretty betty u are not up-

    datedAkampumuza Aggrey Bin-

    jack security tight...even for doz that

    left "properties" everything z safe.Mpomwenda Veronica thank u tell me

    u inherited mr ochieng@aggrey

    The lows

    we missed going to places originallyon timetable like Mt. Elgon, L. Kyoga,

    Kakira, NAFFIRI, Entebbe. May God

    forgive whosoever is responsible?We survived a terrible accident on

    our way to main campus when a Nai-

    robi bound Kampala Coach almostbrought us to rest.

    A students perished when fire broke

    into one of the rooms and two of our

    very own escaped with minimal inju-

    ries.We were tear-gassed at main campus

    by Kayihura boys and like the MTNmarathon we scattered like never be-

    fore.

    The scattering stomach plague could

    not leave us with peace.The uncertain program, abrupt

    schedules made us be with no definiteprogram

    Hunger, boredom, too much flatter-

    ing

    Whatever happened in the recess

    term remained in recess term.. First

    years were getting hands on skillsfor their career .Special appreciation

    to H.O.D Mr. Taako Edema George(TEG) for his tireless efforts,Prof.Isabirye Moses (ISM), Dr.David

    Kifumba Nsaaju (DKN), and Mr. Ma-

    saba Sowedi (MS) without forgetting

    the beloved NRE2011 class members.

    Pursuing excellence .For GOD and

    my country

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    ARE WE THIS

    RURAL?The day I picked up my kumbe whatdo they call them admission form?

    I got it amidst a bush not the

    Museveni one but the one monkey

    makes their children from. Because

    if it not for the local thinking way

    of the boda boda man I could have

    landed in the river Nile looking fora kapande saying welcome to

    BUSITEMA UNIVERSITY aca-

    demic registrar's office kubanga

    bambi they cant afford such luxu-

    ries mbu am told.

    Next up after being consulted by

    the gundi askari who was masquer-

    ading as the public relations officer

    of the campus who did a good job

    telling me the mansion for lectur-

    ers would acts as our hostel until

    our apartments were built I swal-

    lowed for the unknown.

    I wont go into my colleagues be-

    cause they had swag from schoolslike kiwa. . . what and ofcause we

    had woofers, home theatres, ward

    robes and bambi my head went into

    limbo bwe duu like the way I fin-

    ished the breast of my mother.

    These people threw us into a bus

    because mbu procurement was yet

    to buy the tyres from Kisenyi. Youknow am told mobile money doesnt

    work with Stanbic bank baguy. So

    you can imagine the noise chaos

    when nyendo was mixing nkashabas

    karaoke and omuzimu gwa nankya

    while I was chilling the swagged upperson in sagali bumping to Iteso

    tunes.

    The definition of privacy in sagali

    to was so bad that you couldnt kiss

    a kagirl on your bed unless you

    wanted Mr. Kakungulu the English

    teacher to make you an error term

    during econometrics.

    And if you thought that was bad

    bambi the other campuses were

    very innovative, they put bed

    sheets for walls mbu bricks copying

    that hima cement advert mbu walls

    never lie.

    Kwegamba imagine if Uganda cranes

    were going to play at Namboole and

    coach nkugirentya was in action.

    You had to buy a radio because you

    couldnt imagine a kasmall gal

    screaming louder than my radio

    mbu okello ozinta as the total rubia

    does its workironically given the fact the gal was

    pretending to be a cute gal yet her

    hostel is named the cage oba after

    who and since its walls are standing

    at 60 degrees like mr ochiengs belt

    when he tucks in.

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    Kibira Fredrick

    I dedicate this report 2 .........who has

    alwayz......

    Top of Form

    Like Follow Post July 25 at

    4:59pm via mobile

    Lwetutte Samuel Senior Be

    clear,,there is no reson for beating

    abt the bushDiscplined Marie

    ate nze njabimalayoojila okyabizanyilamu, any way thanx 4dat dedication, afew can apreciateKibira Fredrick Wel viola u deserve it

    friend.Discplined Marie i knew u gud boy, u

    not like the few i know of

    Akullo Gloria Big up kiforestBottom of Form

    Winny Kasule

    ohhhhhhhhhhhh my co_wife abusedme, am even worried coz she promised

    gun shoots. som advise shd i leave the

    guy???????????????????? puzzled ka-sule in tears

    Top of Form

    Like Follow Post July 6 at7:09pm near Kampala

    Tusiime Christopher men r few to-

    kiriza,ffeirawo

    Kalyesubula Mahad Mpande Wamaback off da dude

    July 6 at 7:15pm via mobile Like

    Tusiime Christopher@mahad ako

    katwaa coz the ratio is 1:3 and those r

    2

    Akampumuza Aggrey Bin-

    jack threaten her also...tell her mat-

    labTransverseMackataGISeconometri

    cskakukunguruTAkoobustard ki-

    fumba!!!!!! She will scater neva to comeback....lol

    Winny Kasule ohhhhhhhhhhh mygod@binjack all those hav refused coz

    shes asnake gal

    Tusiime Judith be a lady ov class

    things will haen automatically

    Winny Kasule hmmmmm tobalabula

    July 8 at 6:44pm Like

    Akampumuza Aggrey Bin-

    jack@Tusiime Judith wat do umean? that shezn't ov class??Shaleen Shangtera hmmmmmm boys r

    like fish get another 1

    Mpomwenda Veronica bambi ka winny

    keep soaking in tears oja kufuna solu-tion wamaJoseph Asasira kasule never mind ican house for as many times as u want.

    Henry Eric Magezi Just concentrate

    on loving da guy, she will scatter auto-matically.Tusiime Christopher winny abakaziabagumu tebakira kusangika .gumaa

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    Facebook;

    namswaggerzNalukenge FionahMiss u guyz

    Top of Form

    Kalyesubula Mahad Mpande which

    guysNalukenge Fionah All of uKalyesubula Mahad Mpande Wa

    otunonya mu byaffeKibira Fredrick Which "all of u".Be speci.Tusiime Christopher specify coz

    we a not beans totugatika.Francis Xavier Mun-

    yagwa Especially..........? Anyway u

    are not in a court

    Lwetutte Samuel Senior whichguys?????,,,swaggers are comradesEm'reezy Emma i miss u

    toooooooo. in disguise lolKibira Fredrick I read that u went

    4m being in a relationsh 2 married.Is it my neighb.Nalukenge Fionah U talk alot i was

    saying hi 2 everyone Fred am mar-ried 4 yo info

    Kibira Fredrick Ok. Is it myneighbour.Nalukenge Fionah No plzKibira Fredrick Oo..oLwetutte Samuel Senior Fred be

    simple and leave those thgs, u may

    not understand

    Man didyou get

    chapatti

    also

    My chapatti isthe size of my

    mattress

    Boss how do you wel-come us with cha-

    pattis and soup

    Leaders at theswearing ceremony

    missed food and our

    snoops were on hand

    Outgoing

    Speaker

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    FORGET

    THE 3CSBack in high school I was told cam-pus is that place you go to and come

    home feeling obese so that when

    you come home obesity wont let

    you do any house chores since they

    dont mix. Its a place you realise

    Smirnoff is not a type of dance and

    pizza is not a gangster movie from

    Italy but a bigger more modern

    brother of Rolex prepared by a non

    Musoga though I wonder how the

    Basoga managed to copy that tech-

    nique.

    But coming to Busitema and Nama-sagali to

    be exact

    bambi we

    dont have

    our diet

    and dates

    are rural

    like thebaboons

    people

    compare

    us to

    when we

    suddenly

    pop up intheir con-

    versation. So when I say am taking

    you out my sweet potato this what

    I mean.

    Rural people hate oily foods for

    fear of gaining weight and chickenis for big days like Easter and

    birthdays so dont expect to ask me

    mbu chicken tonight or fish fillet

    when I ask you on a date though

    Mukene is plentiful and can be a

    dangerous substitute if feel like

    being spoilt by me on a date. If you

    want to feed the biggest then pre-

    pare to do a bend over as I will buy

    a raw one then you can cook it if

    you dont mind spoiling your cutex.

    The second C is chips but unfortu-

    nately here they sell us cassava

    fried in yesterdays cooking oil and

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    since plain chips is cheap, she gives

    you 4 sticks at 100 a piece because

    rural towns dont accommodate

    many queues mbu you want to poop

    and if you adventurous try our sau-sage potatoes that goes down easy

    porridge youghat for easy drinking

    and great testing on your first

    date. If you want some more my

    friend master chef can prepare you

    a yummy plate of amukeke with

    gnut paste. Its good for your skin

    because ki kola nga samona.

    I know you at this stage screaming

    I will jump onto a cellular and chat

    away with my homies in town. But

    sorry you simply erase the third C

    my friend. Busitema is pursuing ex-

    cellence and such ways easily erodeyour excellence here network was

    evicted like demons at church ser-

    vice or pigs loitering at a mosque

    the monkeys have turned electric-

    ity lines into swings for their chil-

    dren and babies because they pre-

    sume they are nurseries, the poles

    have been dug up to and depositedat mama Fahimas place to book

    lunch by students thus absence of

    network in the area. Thus forget

    your 3cs like Erias Lukwago forgot

    his dream of a new organised Kam-

    pala city.

    Thats how we love in Namasagalimy dear cutie pie.

    facebookOur health debate on namswagger

    Winny Kasule

    A GOOD MAN IS ONE WHO

    IS ..................................??????????????

    ?

    Top of Form

    Mpomwenda Veronica handsome andlies a bit

    Winny Kasule no vero thers something uve leftMpomwenda Veronica God fear-

    ing .......mbu honest i hear down to

    earth blah blah the list never endJoseph Asasira who

    loves,cares,cheats sometimes withouthurting any oneLwetutte Samuel Senior I think is

    one who is caring, loving, ready for

    the other in each situationKibira Fredrick Young kids with lv.

    2day 1 whose circum, next day ?. Watgoes around comes around. 1 who buyz

    Z, muteso, has alaptop above all a

    honourableLwetutte Samuel Senior Fredo u are

    updatedMpomwenda Veronica mzee fred telluHenry Eric Magezi One who under-

    stands that da chic/ gal is not per-fect."one who loves da imperfect per-

    fectlyTusiime Christopher waa a good hus-

    band is one whose is like meKibira Fredrick Ha!

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    I know yourdad will know

    you went for

    the trip,,nayepliz get an-

    other pose

    Who said

    bookscan be a

    gun

    Second comingof Jesus or

    not???

    Used topose like

    that in p6

    bro notcampus

    Confusedbetween a

    herdsman

    and gen-tleman

    Who is thatkaboy in the

    t-shirt

    Once an arrow boyalways arrow boy

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    FACE BOOKGrowing up I dreaded the idea of

    walking around the neighbourhoodwith my parents not because my

    mum was the ugliest neither oldest

    at least but I hated the lengthy

    greetings.

    Once she met akalomet, they

    slipped into this kind of staged

    swirl of conversation that was em-

    bedded in the lengthy greeting withasking how mum had been the last

    few days, how the children were

    fairing as well as studying and this

    came with precise mentioning of

    names of each child that mum

    would answer with this sense of

    childish pride glowing over her

    face. How dad was and how he man-

    ages to have such control of the

    village and why he missed xxx beer

    party thrown in X's memory and

    how so and so is long missed as well

    as issuing my mum with notices not

    to miss the next village meeting.

    Then they would be talking aboutthe chicken, cattle and how God

    has lately been cruel to the farm-

    lands and animals as well the spread

    of certain diseases ravaging vil-

    lages far off in the horizon among

    others. Then before you knew they

    would be updating each about the

    dead people at the village andwhose grandmother was nearing her

    end as well as who didnt deserve to

    live any more.

    In my small mind I found this bor-

    ing and not hip at all since my

    friends only greeted each othersnappy HI and sup dude'. So I took

    it unto myself to always dodge

    these village elders especially

    women for fear of running to such

    a scenario.

    This greeting wasnt for my area

    and home tribe those across even

    the other tribes had their own take

    on it. The Basoga in even added

    rhythmic sounds that made the

    whole scene look like two elders do-

    ing the opera with no stage lights.

    The sound was an ooohh that was

    increasing in pitch as it ran off

    your tongue and it was swingingback and forth till the sun went to

    sleep. Ending it was like a tag of

    war where none wanted to swallow

    the pill and close the chain of

    greeting so all you heard was ooohh

    ooohh for up to 1minute.

    The 5min greeting one would know

    the other person current statuswith no need to chill on facebook or

    pull out your computer and run

    through their timeline. You would

    tell who died readily, fell sick. Just

    like the people who keep posting

    status updates but ghastly by the

    time you arrived I bet you werelate as a salary.

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    If you don't

    give me some,

    I unleash

    wushu

    chucked

    again

    nkooye

    love

    Gwe..its

    now my

    turn

    Look at

    thatkabintu

    Tulimukintu

    Bawe I

    have the

    business

    plan in the

    bag

    You meantthat girl, I

    now read

    youRememberthe onewith a cocacola figure

    Mama,love you

    yanbirigo

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    SHHHAm writing this under a tree shade

    in between two churches watching

    people streaming in and out thebuildings their dress so immaculate

    like there is a secret law on the

    grounds to push Sunday fashion be-

    yond the usual.

    The shoes match the necklace that

    matches the bungle and to enhance

    the listening the ear rings too

    arent forgotten. The bigger and

    more elaborate the better. The

    hair styles chosen so carefully you

    feel sorry for the wind that has to

    get a permit asking the hair to giveway. The faces so smooth you feel

    sorry for the dust as it will be

    wiped away every 20minutes using

    the latest and softest cosmetic

    powder of society measure.

    Everybody is dressed to the showin the best know regardless of the

    age and knowledge. Its a give and

    take as everyone looks like they are

    selling something. The single are on

    the shelves looking for their Mr./

    miss better halves and the married

    are giving the singles every reason

    to cross the bridge dressed to

    their nines like twins, the missus

    shoes match the husbands shirt

    and his belt match her skirt.

    The sky is the limit and the church

    is the run way and Gods word is the

    sponsor for this glam show.

    The single wear under the 'comeget me'code as more skin to show

    equal shorter distance to your fu-

    ture kin. Brought together under

    the blessing of the almighty. The

    ladies the dress is above knee

    length to expose the figure bound-

    ing the unexplored Garden of Eden

    she is. The nails polished with col-ours of innocence with a strong

    fragrance to blow off any bad luck.

    The cleavage holds the knowledge

    of your future kin and the lips will

    leave him trips around your high

    heeled Loumbitins and Givenchy.

    The church compound is the run

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    way to your future paradise as

    you move around with a swerve.

    The men ditch the jeans if to

    land and gold on Sunday. Well

    polished hair is a must and adark piped up skinny suite is a

    mast for any prospective

    suitor. For accessories a nice

    tech gizmo is a must but car

    keys are a positive in the right

    direction of taking her down

    your aisle.

    For the married its all about

    keeping up appearances and liv-

    ing in denial that you still got

    your youthful exuberance after

    all these years. For those

    5years and below in marriage a

    baby is an accessory to make

    your fashion boundaries limit-less. The trendiest baby clothe

    are always in tow. The baby

    shoes match daddies shirt just

    as his belt matches mummies

    dress in full kit with wet lips, a

    curvy bum to hide any signs of

    child birth. For daddy the grey

    hair is a no no and the wholefamily has to have a signature

    fragrance to plaster the cracks

    of marriage. You dont want

    that sh't being plastered all

    over your face and your friends

    are the mother of your compe-

    tition yet you dont wanna falloff.

    Em'reezy Emma

    am officially single coz we signed our di-vorce form yesto. so now freshers here i

    come

    Top of FormLike Follow Post July 23 at 1:27pm

    Lwetutte Samuel Senior thats the onlyway to go ,,,,,keep it upEm'reezy Emma it was like a battle field.

    by the way no episodes here. lolLwetutte Samuel Senior successfull men

    don,t play episodes,,,,,,thats the way to goafter all she wasn,t born with youWinny Kasule yeah @senior dats som good

    advic bt nwe hooked up

    wth ............................... these days am happy

    @okurut am hapi where i amLwetutte Samuel Senior i do apologise my

    sis for my advic ,,but any way i know more

    apolos are comingKibira Fredrick Kool! Well the magic al-wayz happens at the end of the sem.Twesigye Naboth That's normal bt mind u

    opportunists are......!Guto Collin hahahahahahahah am tired ofseeing such cases in the opening of every

    ssemHenry Eric Magezi@ emma lol meanslots of love, laugh out loud. True friends

    are hard to find esp in sagali. Watch out 4dos advice!!!!Kibira Fredrick Emm just zd wil do the

    magic.Lwetutte Samuel Senior hehe,,,,lets

    watch this time round

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    Ehh look at that girl

    hope she likes my

    swag

    Stop pray-

    ing so

    they serve

    the food

    Dude do you have

    diarrhoea?????

    HANDOVER PICTURES

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    I told you they will see

    us

    Mbalage stami-

    nah

    Another chance to steal

    more money

    Are we

    also in-

    vited

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    GIVING IN

    CHURCHIts a blessing to give than to re-ceive. Its a massage I have ready

    all my life but refuse to comply, ac-

    cept and even bothered to live by.

    As I walk unto the church com-pound there are two items that

    catch my eye the confession box

    and the many stalls littered around

    like alcohol puke screaming unto my

    thread bare pockets to come spend.

    All the items are religious litera-

    ture, gear promoting the shirt andin house equipment all thrown at me

    under the pretence of giving a

    share of proceeds to the church. I

    ignore these and hurdle my sins

    with the hope of dumping them at

    the foot of Jesus sculpture that

    never stops bleeding at the sins of

    you and me.

    But alas this is a money centred

    economy even to drop your shit at

    the public toilet will pay a coin to

    get that service and space and the

    place stinks of that forget whatthe law says to place it until fur-

    ther notice. Probably when it rains

    and floods that shit will flow back

    to you Karma says so.

    The church being an entity too

    wont swallow my shitty sins like

    that per se. They levy me fees like

    offertory, tithes and splendidly de-

    signed pledge cards squeezing out

    everything that I will be required

    in good faith to give the imaginary

    man above a little of my material

    belongings .

    The church being the temple of

    wisdom, they charge open fees andsociety sets the prices. For me to

    move up closer to being served

    really quick for he operates on

    first come, first serve. I basically

    have to up my offer to several mul-

    tiples the bigger the closer you sit

    nearer Gods servant dishing out

    blessings. Your sit reserved by thecongregation to fill your big belly

    and more room so your deafening

    fragrance doesnt send your

    neighbours crashing to their de-

    mise.

    If you like me born and bred in the

    cheating world under the code ' themore greed the more the success'

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    WHAT'S TRUE

    LOVE???I writing this hoping you dont findme guilty my eye molecule block by

    block sipping swift for judging oth-

    ers every Sunday as I watch their

    lips spray with joy

    holding babies under the stigma

    bundles of joy with their teeth yel-low and white reminding myself

    poking my nose in their business for

    their fragrance is incense built of

    the greatest quality standing stra-

    tegically at the church pouch to let

    in friends who swarm by in quantity

    their happiness piercing the gloomy

    serene at the church for I camehere meek as a sheep ready for

    slaughter from the ranch called a

    church, their blood red shoes re-

    minding me of the blood he shed

    for moi sinking in their warmth

    emanating regret sinning with allthose hoes as I searched in the

    abyss for my masculinity. No won-

    der for the last 20mins his sculp-

    ture has

    been star-

    ing down at

    me stone

    called on

    their rosa-

    ries and

    church

    crosses

    with a ting

    of similar-

    ity but ithas failed

    to tempt

    me into

    contempt

    for denial is

    my familiarity excuses is a true

    love the only dove posted on my

    stove but reality wont get us apriest to guide us down the aisle.

    My ears keep twitching around like

    owl eyes picking up sounds as they

    reminisce about their weddings piv-

    oting them as their 'big days' yet

    my equivalent is the day I managed

    to drink beer and realised thats itsexpired for before anything went

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    long as it had 'my favourite written

    round its bummy bosoms its not un-

    til a girl floats by that a smile is

    stretched across this temporary

    stupor am sinking into their talk oftrue love creating debate in my

    empty cranium

    Whats true love, a hollow voice

    yells as a smartly clad young holds

    their baby really close and I

    breathe with a snigger as some fool

    replies one that leads to marriage

    in church, ordained by a pretender

    wearing a church cassock under the

    approval of society amidst friends

    as my soul looks for hangar to lean

    on and laugh

    Really? What do these bunch of

    fools feed on I ask, her beauty I

    say you maintain with your sweatcalled salary and to get into her

    pants, I continue you lied to her

    promising her a lifetime of happi-

    ness in a land where dreams come

    true. You swore that her cup would

    never get empty and her body

    would never get cold. You wrapped

    these lies under 'vows' and pack-aged them in a wedding with match-

    ing splendour and galore but you

    never wrote it anywhere but claim

    time will be your witness my clock

    keep running and has never taken a

    break so I wonder where you will

    get him to swear by that bible asyour prime witness.

    My legs clap and my hair etch up

    like the Eiffel tower as I recollect

    my lousy thoughts and ask do peo-

    ple learned like this believed in un-

    enlightened promises. I dont knowfor

    they

    all

    seem happy like prostitutes who

    have sold extra of that UN dimin-

    ishable good in the night.

    But me I love my style, I buy it

    fuck it and move on yet I float on

    with even extra happiness like ababy who just released shit in her

    pampers but is sitting on it and

    smiling cooking in audible words

    love.marriage in the same line

    that it comes free of charge yet

    we say we modern and are taught

    to think large really somebody islying who attended Gods marriage

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    Chicks and mangoes

    Chapatti and soup for leaders

    trans

    port

    Dress

    code ofchampi-

    ons

    chai

    Pork to-night

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    Until Victoria

    dries

    This kalo is

    good

    I have a

    dreamdon't for-

    get its

    room 8

    don't finish the

    eggs for me

    Fahimasfood

    made for-

    get thespeech

    Lookingfor cattle

    or chicks

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    AM A BELIEVERThe other day I had an argument

    with some dude at whether am a

    Christian or not and all I could an-swer was that am a believer. So the

    argument went nowhere like all reli-

    gious repertoire.

    So I point out characteristics that

    people base on to front their claimsand to lay a counter claim of my

    statement. Do Christians go to pray

    or sing seductive tunes for the

    other sex?

    mbu

    'There is no one like you who can

    touch me the way you do'

    Those are religious lyrics am toldbut I expect them to be in a chart

    topping secular song. I expect to

    be on bukeddetv in some love scene

    with everything translated of be-

    cause and then come the issue of

    women who wear all these very

    comfortable clothes revealingthings that the best way to say

    them is while moving to the oppo-

    site sex now let your imagination

    run lose in your head.

    Then comes the reading of the day

    'Share even the little you have'Think about that twice and you will

    know what is talking about

    Then there is this habit of twitting

    and facebookimg while mass is go-

    ing on. I expect that to be from me

    who chilling at home getting closer

    to hell but in reality its the oppo-

    site.

    Praise and worship gown for the

    grown and sexy, in church

    Thats a status update posted just

    a few minutes back in the middle of

    mass

    Bringing me to the question of what

    happened to people respecting thatverse

    Give god what is for god and

    Caesar what is for Caesar'

    Till then am a believing in my own

    standard and not the church going

    standard

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    FASHION-

    ISTASSee the other day I went shoppingfor new shit to pimp my swag for

    the new semester. And for me to

    go shopping I need sun to disappear

    in the waste lands of Kabale umeme

    chucks in Kampala and Madame

    Musis gets humped by Erias the

    lukwago.

    So I have identified a list of items

    that are a new pair of long sleeved

    shoes with some muzigo on them,

    you know the ones you smile at andthey show you your image of how

    you have not brushed for a good

    number of days.

    And for the trousers I will need to

    pimp it up with those warid pesa

    man like trousers. You know the

    ones that shaped like funnels. Wide

    at the top down the hips and thenthey suddenly shrink at the knees

    as though I have stopped feeding

    my clothes.

    Also I saw this boy Chris wear

    these pin strip ties last semester

    and these days women hatedresses thus I will shop them in all

    colours and turn them into the ties

    of my life. I know even lecturers

    like mr gundi will also begin wearing

    ties all I need is to get Bwire to

    wear them once and tuli mukintu.

    My grandfather recently passed on

    RIP blood yet the boy had sleek

    long sleeved shirts that he used as

    his bed wear. These busgirls call

    them night dresses. I also read

    mbu fashion is going back into the

    older years kati I will get these

    night shirts wear them and nobody

    will even know because these dotcom kids tebasoma history always

    facebook, bitwitter mbu live chat,

    current affairs wait till they love

    my dress code shining in all the

    bright colours like Besigyes new

    ideas for walk to work.

    Then come those saying youth no

    longer support culture especiallyBaganda me I will get a strip of

    mbugo make a belt for myself and

    dip it in badblack to match my out-

    fit. Then finally shave my head

    black like the son of kaguta to show

    them am in kintu and they will ask

    for another rap

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    DREAM WEEKENDgone are the days when having a

    good Saturday evening meant dig-

    ging deep into my pocket and arm-

    ing myself with a nice chick to goand drink and hope that the end of

    the day she would close shop and

    plant a wet kiss on your lips.

    These days if I cant afford the

    entry fee which is very often these

    days to some over hyped show that

    cant meet my aspirations. Simplyplug in my woofer and let the radio

    do the damage to my overtly bored

    Saturday night and starts pretty

    early 3pm to be exact.

    Saturday early its dj Tonjex till6pm for strictly Christian mixes

    because by the time I black out

    their wont be time to say hi to the

    man above Tonjex does that for me

    and I do it early enough before God

    also gets drunk and forgets to for-

    give my sins. You know that manalso happens you just ask the an-

    gels

    in

    heaven and the people of Bwaise

    who have to deal with it when he

    pukes.

    Once that dial clocks 6pm, you

    know me switch me radio dial and

    tune pon radio city 97 pon me dial

    to dj aludaaa on de baseline for two

    hours of nonstop nerve wreckin

    wire waist wiggling Jamaican tunes

    and riddims straight outta the Car-

    ibbean and em other puff puff peo-

    ple.Pon 8pm, me dont have to flip the

    dial, for some century old shows

    mbu dance force, who listens to

    that or dj gero on hot 100 for I

    swear I mix better stuff than

    them, if you doubt invite me for

    your girlfriends birthday but make

    sure you tie her like a nodding dis-ease victim for I may steal her be-

    fore the show is over because my

    charm is kinigeria strong.

    Instead I hit up the hashtag

    #snms with misterdj still on radio

    city 97.0 for the only radio mix

    show thats like no other listeningtill I pass out.

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    OUR VILLAGE CORPO-

    RATE RESPONSIBIL-

    ITYI recently had a chance to tag along asensitization programme run and or-

    ganised by students under their um-

    brella theme protecting the environ-

    ment. This drive was organised byWorld Life Conservation Network and

    sponsored by Namasagali campus un-

    der the department of community

    outreach was held in Bugiri and in-volved meeting of village self help

    projects.

    clockwise: KAAWU members pose for

    group photo,as well as key members

    From the very word go, it was very

    clear we were meeting an organised

    community given the number of calls

    between our leader and the commu-nity self help head. He directed us at

    every step and stage so that we dontget lost along the way. On reaching

    Bugiri, which was unfortunately at 12pm thanks to the bad roads our hosts

    showed no fallen hearts as they wereall cheerful at our arrival.

    We saw fist hand how the NAADSprogramme was having operational

    short falls in the villages, and how or-ganisation can take you places. The

    community was under the umbrella of

    Keeping Active in Available Worth-

    while Opportunities KAAWU and hadoffices with a visitors book and with

    all the structures in place including a

    constitution about the dos and donts

    of the organisation. These levels oforganisation is something that even

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    our well paid organs like the guild have

    shown that they dont have and arenot willing to have in place unless they

    benefit monetarily.

    Our team was led by the departmenthead Mr. Taako Edema George who

    clearly marked put the benefit the

    presence of a university is supposedto accrue to the local community. This

    is in form of knowledge through re-search on the various problems com-

    munities were facing, and pointed out

    that Namasagali as a faculty had set

    up a mechanism in which we extend wedistribute seedlings to villages and

    even show them how to nurture theminto mature trees for harvest. This

    was giving a different picture from

    the perception that most people know

    as a university being a centre for theluck few that are lucky in life.

    members sign the visitors books

    Ties between the two organs were

    further up held through planting sym-

    bolic trees in commemoration of the

    new found relationship. Contacts wereexchanged and then the members of

    World Life Conservation Networkshowed the community how to plant

    and organise a seed bed as well asother ways to earn monetary benefits

    from trees without waiting for themto grow to over ten years. This was a

    major issue because many people havea natural fear to plant trees because

    many take a long time to mature andwith the snappy life expectancy in

    Uganda, its believed that one can diebefore enjoying benefits accrued

    from the trees you planted. Forestry

    and Conservation Network disap-

    proved this by saying trees were more

    in demand when they are seedlings

    than when they are mature. For exam-ple a bag of seeds if well taken care

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    of, planted and helped to germinate

    can earn one a good amount of moneyevery three months than you would

    get planting and waiting to mature a

    whole forest of trees.

    tree planting

    Through these simple ways not only

    had the university sold its name tothe community at a cost of 10million

    shillings like the guild accounts would

    state , but it had given the communitythe good it sells the

    most..KNOWLEDGE. Besides the

    Busia Community Outreach didnt in-volve the students interacting with

    the community which initially is thegoal of a community outreach. Also

    this calls on other students organisa-

    tion however small to get closer to

    the community because every think

    you do, its the community thats to

    benefit and not you.

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    NECI tree planting exercise in Nama-

    sagali and auctioning of seedlings touniversity administrators

    Above: a university

    administrator plantsseedlings provided by

    NECI a local students

    association champion-

    ing conservation ofour environment in

    Left; the club

    patron Mr. Is-abirye Moses

    takes time to

    interact with the

    students asmama dean pre-

    pares to

    pay..below

    The seedlings

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    SMILES

    growing up people used to say mbu to smile say

    cheese even though you doint know how that rat food

    tasted, show your teeth and make your lips are in

    form of a banana so i though i could move aroundshowing your beauty smiles from sagali. And i know

    you want them

    How are

    the cat-

    tle boss

    Is that

    how they

    smile in

    korea

    Bukeddes

    abanonya near

    in namasagali

    Mama how

    is the garden

    These village

    gals and their

    malwa

    Has someone

    gassed????

    ?????

    I see

    you used

    mob de-

    lident

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    past Gianluigi Buffon. Spain took a 2-0

    lead into the break, and the game feltas good as over. This is the team who

    haven't conceded in a knockout match

    since 2006, remember. And one whohad not lost in the last 70 matches in

    which they'd gone ahead.

    Italy needed help, but instead, theyfound hindrance when Thiago Motta

    succumbed to injury just minutes af-

    ter arriving in the game as a substi-

    tute. With an hour on the clock and

    Motta the last of Cesare Prandelli'sallotted changes, the Italians wereleft to play out the match with 10

    men.

    An improbable task had become an im-

    possible one. And with that, Spain was

    left to bask in a celebratory clinic

    that would showcase the very brandof tiki-taka torture they have been so

    clinical in inflicting these past four

    years.

    Handout/Getty ImagesFernando Torres, the man who scored

    Spain's winner in the Euro 2008 final,inevitably came off the bench to

    score their third. The striker then

    played provider for his Chelsea team-mate, Juan Mata, to make it 4-0. Italy

    had suffered a brutal pass-assination,

    and one they seemingly had no powerof stopping.

    The celebrations for Spain are sure to

    be long. They should also be well coor-dinated when you consider this is the

    third time in four years the Spanishhave ended a footballing quest with a

    trophy.

    Euro 2008 was where it all began forthe Spanish dynasty we see before ustoday. Luis Aragones' Spain entered

    that tournament without a successsince the 1964 European Champion-

    ship, but won all six games in style to

    finally cast off the label of being in-

    ternational football's perennial under-

    achievers.

    The next stop was South Africa,where Spainnow under Del Bosque

    yet again proved themselves a cut

    above the opposition to bring home

    their first World Cup.

    Despite arriving as reigning world and

    European champions, some suggestedSpain's run would come to an end at

    Euro 2012. With key players Carles

    Puyol and David Villa injured, and aweariness expected from the likes of

    Xavi and Andres Iniesta after long

    seasons in La Liga and Europe, there

    was a consensus that this Spain would

    not live up to those we'd seen in 2008and 2010.

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    52

    Spain's ascension to the footballing

    heavens is complete. By winning a his-toric third successive major tourna-

    ment at Euro 2012, Spain put their

    argument as the greatest interna-

    tional team in history.Vicente Del Bosque's pass mas-

    ters overwhelmed and outclassed It-aly, 4-0, and touched on their mes-

    merizing best during a one-sided con-

    test that served as their latest coro-

    ti

    their route to the Euro 2012 final

    were delivered the antidote. From thekickoff, hungry and imaginative red

    shirts scampered forward in attackpasses fizzing between themand

    Spain saw an early reward when DavidSilva headed home Cesc Fabregas'

    cross.A second goal followed just before

    halftime. Xavi's deftly-weighted pass

    married the stride pattern of Jordi

    Alb ki th d i f