by dora farkas, ph.d. founder, finish your thesis welcome! how to resolve conflicts with difficult...
TRANSCRIPT
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by Dora Farkas, Ph.D. Founder, Finish Your Thesiswww.FinishYourThesis.com
Welcome!
How to Resolve Conflicts with Difficult Supervisors and Coworkers
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Bachelor’s Chemical Engineering (MIT)
Ph.D. in Biological Engineering (MIT)
Senior Scientist in pharmaceutical industry
Thesis and career coach since 2009
Creator of online “Finish Your Thesis” Program
My Background
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Part I: Assertive, Open Communication
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● What is assertive communication?● Why assertiveness is essential life skill● Three-part method to become more assertive● Assess your own assertiveness skills
Part I: Assertive, Open Communication
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Part II: How to Resolve Conflicts with
Difficult People
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● Types of difficult people● Strategies to resolve conflicts with difficult people● Explore how working with difficult people has affected
your performance● How to avoid common communication mistakes
Part II: How to Resolve Conflicts with
Difficult People
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{ }1 Assertive, Open
Communication Skills
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● What is assertive communication?● Why assertiveness is essential life skills● Three-part method to become assertive, examples● Assess your own assertiveness skills
Part I: Assertive, Open Communication
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Assertiveness is the Basis of Effective Communication Skills
What is Assertive Communication?
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“ASSERTIVENESS IS THE QUALITY OF BEING
CONFIDENT WITHOUT BEING AGGRESSIVE ”
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• Passive people:o Like to please otherso Avoid conflict, even at a cost to their work/health
• Aggressive people:o Only focused on their own goalso Do not have consideration for other people’s needs
Passive vs. Aggressive Behavior
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Both passive and aggressive behavior leads to frustration and jeopardizes relationships
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Assertive People Express Their Ideas and Take
The Needs of Others into Consideration
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• Are you intimidated by the thought of causing conflict?
• Are you uncomfortable with giving or receiving criticism?
• Do you spend time roaming over past conflicts?
• Are you anxious about potential conflicts in the future?
Our self-confidence is strongly influenced by how we stand up for ourselves and the respect we get from others
How Do You Know Whether You Are Assertive?
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● What is assertive communication?● Why assertiveness is essential life skills● Three-part method to become assertive, examples● Assess your own assertiveness skills
Part I: Assertive, Open Communication
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Research is Not a Solitary Endeavor
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• In Academia:o Supervisor, group members, collaborators
• In Industry:Supervisor, coworkers, project team
members, outside collaborators
Your Success at Work Will Depend Highly on
How Well You Work in Teams
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“ASSERTIVENESS WILL STRENGTHEN YOUR
PROFESSIONAL RELATIONSHIPS ”
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Assertive communication skills will help you to:• Express your ideas with confidence• Gain respect from others• Advance your career• Simplify your life
• Assertiveness will help you to ask for help with confidence, and get the guidance you need
Assertiveness is an Essential Life Skill
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● What is assertive communication?● Why assertiveness is essential life skills● Three-part method to become assertive, examples● Assess your own assertiveness skills
Part I: Assertive, Open Communication
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Three-Step Method for Assertive Communication
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• Be clear about your own ideas and needs
• Listen to the other person to understand their viewpoint
• Be open to alternative solutions that benefit everyone
• Stick to the facts, leave emotions out of discussions
• Sometimes you can agree to disagree
Qualities of Assertive Communication
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• Many students tend to be passive
• It can be intimidating to speak up to a professor
• “What will they think if I express my ideas?”
• “What if what I say does not make sense?”
• “Will my professor be angry if I disagree?”
Assertiveness Might Be Challenging at First
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• State the facts
• Clarify your thoughts about the situation and why it bothers you
• Explain your goals and how you would like the problem to be resolved
Adapted from “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie
Three-step Method of Assertive Communication
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• Situation: you recently sent your supervisor a draft of a paper, and he wants you to add a section that you think is unnecessaryo Requires more data collectionso Delays the publication of your paper
Case Study:
Discussing corrections to a manuscript
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• Request a time to meet in person/phone/email
• Mention that you would like discuss paper
• Do not discuss sensitive issues over email
• Always assume that other person is reasonable
Assertive Approach to Resolving Problem
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• Set up a clear agendao Corrections to manuscripto Why you think the additional section is
beyond scope of paper
• Brainstorm about possible solutions if supervisor wants you to add section
Preparing for Meeting
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• State Facts: You would like to discuss corrections to paper
• Clarify: You do not think this additional section is needed, and give reasons
• Explain how you would like it to be resolved:o Include data in another papero Share responsibility with another student
During Meeting Use
Three-step Process:
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• If there is a disagreement let supervisor talk first• Be open to your supervisor’s viewpoint• Ask questions to:
o Make sure that you understand their opinionso Get feedback on alternative solutions
• If you cannot agree, setup a future meetingo More time to researcho Discuss situation with group members
Prepare Yourself for Disagreements
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• Practice open communication
• Get support from supervisor if you are stuck and cannot resolve problems on your own.
• With more experience, you will become more confident and assertive - gain respect from others
You Will Learn to Become More Assertive with
Practice
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● What is assertive communication?● Why assertiveness is essential life skills● Three-part method to become assertive, examples● Assess your own assertiveness skills
Part I: Assertive, Open Communication
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{ }2 Strategies to Deal with
Difficult People
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How Do You Cope With Difficult People?
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● Types of difficult people● Strategies to resolve conflicts with difficult people● Explore how working with difficult people has affected
your performance● How to cope with chronically difficult bosses● Common communication mistakes
Part II: How to Resolve Conflicts with
Difficult People
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1) Hostile-Aggressives,2) Complainers,3) Silent-Unresponsives,4) Super-Agreeables,5) Negativists,6) Know-It-Alls (Bulldozers and Balloons), and7) Indecisives.8) Extremely Hands-Off (or Super-Busy types), and9) Excessively Hands-On (Micromanagers).
Based on ”Coping with Difficult People” by Robert Branson
Types of Difficult People
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● Types of difficult people● Strategies to resolve conflicts with difficult people● Explore how working with difficult people has affected
your performance● How to cope with chronically difficult bosses● Common communication mistakes
Part II: How to Resolve Conflicts with
Difficult People
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1) Hostile-Aggressives,2) Complainers,3) Silent-Unresponsives,4) Super-Agreeables,5) Negativists,6) Know-It-Alls, and7) Indecisives8) Extremely Hands-Off (or Super-Busy types), and9) Excessively Hands-On (Micromanagers).
Types of Negative People I will Cover
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• Notoriously antagonistic and impolite.• Confrontational• Raise their voice, use strong language• Crush all your ideas• Try to make you feel like a “fool”
Hostile-Aggressives: Characteristics
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“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” - Eleanor Roosevelt
• Do not get emotional if they try to humiliate you• Let them calm down, acknowledge their opinions• Direct the conversation towards solving problems.
How Do you Deal with Hostile-Aggressives?
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• Very friendly• Tell you all the things you want to hear • Make empty promises• They do not follow through on assignments• Great at making excuses
Super-Agreeables: Characteristics
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• Do not rely on super-agreeables to help you with your work.
• Complete as much of the work as you can on your own• Make it easy for them to do their part• If you need letters of recommendation, write an outline to
make it easier for your thesis supervisor to support you
How Do you Deal with Super-Friendly People?
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Indecisives
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• Hesitant about making any decisions• Swayed easily by new data/opinions• As soon progress is made, dissertation is changed • Frequently perfectionists• Frustrating to students/employees because they can hold
up progress
Indecisives: Characteristics
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• Take leadership of your end of project• Emphasizing the advantages of one particular project.• Be assertive about your ideas• Find out their reasons for being indecisive• Get support from other coworkers, professors etc.• Let your indecisive boss know about any decisions you
make and why
How Do you Deal with Indecisives?
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1) Hostile-Aggressives,2) Complainers,3) Silent-Unresponsives,4) Super-Agreeables,5) Negativists,6) Know-It-Alls, and7) Indecisives8) Extremely Hands-Off (or Super-Busy types), and9) Excessively Hands-On (Micromanagers).
Types of Negative People I will Cover
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• They give you too much attention• Question every detail of your project, work habits• Expect you to be working around the clock• Call you after hours
Excessively Hands-on Micromanagers
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• Set boundaries: work hours, scope of project• Be assertive about why you want to set boundries• Get important agreements in writing• Keep your supervisor informed of progress
How Do you Deal with Micromanagers?
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● Types of difficult people● Strategies to resolve conflicts with difficult people● Explore how working with difficult people has affected
your performance● How to cope with chronically difficult bosses● How to cope with chronically difficult bosses
Part II: How to Resolve Conflicts with
Difficult People
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● Types of difficult people● Strategies to resolve conflicts with difficult people● Explore how working with difficult people has affected
your performance● How to cope with chronically difficult bosses
Part II: How to Resolve Conflicts with
Difficult People
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● Understand your supervisor’s expectations● Prepare a clear agenda for every meeting● Explain the problem and stick to the facts● Define how you would like the problem to be solved● Listen to your supervisor viewpoint● Get important agreements in writing● Always follow through on your end of the deal
7 Steps to Resolving Conflicts
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● Always assume that the person you are dealing with is reasonable and will respond well if you communicate assertively.● Everyone is difficult sometimes● Truly difficult people have chronic bad habits that
make them difficult to work with
Rule #1
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“Rule #2: Difficult people respond to
assertiveness, but you need to be more persistent
to get your point across
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● Do not take difficult people personally○ Difficult people are difficult with everyone ○ “No one can make you feel inferior without your
consent.” - Eleanor Roosevelt
Rule #3
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● Types of difficult people● Strategies to resolve conflicts with difficult people● Explore how working with difficult people has affected
your performance● Common communication mistakes
Part II: How to Resolve Conflicts with
Difficult People
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What is the Biggest Communication Mistake?
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The Biggest Communication Mistake is Lack of
Communication
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Lack of Communication Can Lead to • Incorrect Assumptions: “But I thought you meant…”• Missed MilestonesAcademia:• Delay graduation date, • Disagreements or delays in publicationsIndustry: • Wasted effort on project, • Falling behind on project milestones,• Reduced performance, • Poor group dynamics
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● If I Disagree With Someone They Will Dislike Me● Expecting Supervisor to Solve Problems for You● Taking Criticism Personally, or Becoming
Defensive and Emotional during a Meeting● Discussing Sensitive Issues over Email.
Other Communication Mistakes
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● If I Disagree With Someone They Will Dislike Me● Expecting Supervisor to Solve Problems for You.● Taking Criticism Personally, or Becoming
Defensive and Emotional during a Meeting● Discussing Sensitive Issues over Email.
Biggest Communication Mistakes
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● This assumption can lead to a passive attitude● It is possible for two people to disagree, yet maintain a
collegial relationship● Your goal is to build professional relationships● Professors have more respect for students who have the
courage to express their opinions● Use three-part assertiveness technique to resolve
disagreements without jeopardizing your relationship
“If I Disagree With Someone They Will
Dislike Me”
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● If I Disagree With Someone They Will Dislike Me● Expecting Supervisor to Solve Problems for You.● Taking Criticism Personally, or Becoming
Defensive and Emotional during a Meeting● Discussing Sensitive Issues over Email.
Biggest Communication Mistakes
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● Your thesis is one of a 100 things on your professor’s list
● Finishing your thesis is your responsibility● If you have a problem or feel stuck:
○ Think of solutions before talking to supervisor○ Make it easy for your supervisor to support
you
Expecting Advisor to Solve Problems For You
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● If I Disagree With Someone They Will Dislike Me● Expecting Supervisor to Solve Problems for You● Taking Criticism Personally, or Becoming
Defensive and Emotional during a Meeting● Discussing Sensitive Issues over Email.
Other Communication Mistakes
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Giving and Receiving Criticism
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● Receiving Criticism○ Resist urge to become defensive○ Do not “screen out” positive○ Ask questions to clarify criticism
● Giving Criticism○ Stick to the facts - know your facts○ Leave emotions out of discussion○ Propose plausible solutions
● Criticism vs. Constructive Feedback
Giving and Receiving Criticism
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● If I Disagree With Someone They Will Dislike Me● Expecting Supervisor to Solve Problems for You.● Taking Criticism Personally, or Becoming
Defensive and Emotional during a Meeting● Discussing Sensitive Issues over Email.
Biggest Communication Mistakes
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● Email can lead to misunderstanding because you cannot sense tone or see body language
● Use email to:○ Send documents, information○ Request time to meet
● Avoid:○ Taking a stance on a sensitive issue or ○ Jumping to conclusions in your email○ Overanalyzing an email message
Do Not Discuss Sensitive Issues Over Email
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● Only a small percentage of population is truly difficult● Most people respond well to assertive communication● Graduate school is a great learning opportunity to
develop assertive communication● Many jobs in academia/industry require teamwork● PhDs are usually in leadership positions and need to
manage different personality types● By resolving the challenges you face in academia you
are well-equipped to resolve conflicts in your career
Good News
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THANK YOU
www.finishyourthesis.com/program/
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• How to set yourself up for success in graduate school• Strategies to communicate assertively with supervisor• Tips to maintain high level of productivity• The 10 most common mistakes graduate students make• The top 12 tips to help you finish your thesis and
graduate.
Free Copy of
“Secrets to Success in Graduate School”