by mark dittloff, ms, lpc, lsot at the counseling center of denton working with foster children

By

Mark Dittloff, MS, LPC, LSOTAt the

Counseling Center of Denton

WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Two Issues


Two Issues1) Reason for the Child’s Removal


Two Issues1) Reason for the Child’s Removal

2) How the Child Chooses to Interpret Placement


Only Two Reasons for Removal


Only Two Reasons for Removal 1) Abuse


Only Two Reasons for Removal 1) Abuse 2) Neglect


AbuseEmotional


AbuseEmotionalPhysical


AbuseEmotionalPhysicalSexual


Working with Foster Children

Neglect

NeglectSelf-Harm


NeglectSelf-Harm

Drug & Alcohol Addiction


NeglectSelf-Harm

Drug & Alcohol AddictionCompulsions


John BradshawAbuse and Neglect are both Signs of

a Child being Abandoned


John BradshawAbuse and Neglect are both Signs of a

Child being AbandonedHe would define abandonment as when a Parent is not there

Emotionallyfor the Child


Dr. Daniel Seigel, Neuropsychology & Strategies for Working with Children


Basic Brain Functions…Right Brain, LeftBrain


Left Brain Loves and Desires Order


Left Brain Loves and Desires OrderIt is:

LogicalLiteral Linguistic &Linear


Right Brain in holistic and non-verbal


Right Brain in holistic and non-verbal Sends and receives signals that allow us

toCommunicate via:

Facial ExpressionsEye ContactTone of VoicePostures & Gestures


Right Brain is:Holistic and non-verbalCares about the Big Picture


Right Brain is:Holistic and non-verbalCares about the Big Picture

The Meaning and Feelings of an Experience


Right BrainHolistic and non-verbalCares about the Big Picture


Specializes in images, emotions, and

Personal Memories


Right BrainHolistic and non-verbalCares about the Big Picture


Specializes in images, emotions, and Personal Memories

Where we get our “gut feelings”


Right BrainYoung Children are Right Brain Dominated

(especiallyduring their first three years of life)


Right BrainYoung Children are Right Brain

Dominated (especially during their first three years of

life)Have Not Mastered the ability to use

logicand words to express their feelings


Right BrainYoung Children are Right Brain

Dominated (especially during their first three years of

life)Have Not Mastered the ability to use

logicand words to express their feelings

Live their lives totally in the moment


Siegel Strategy #1-Connect and Redirect (Surfing Emotional Waves)



Step OneConnect with their Right Brain



Step OneConnect with their Right Brain

Step TwoRedirect with the Left Brain


Siegel Strategy #2-Name It to Tame It(Telling Stores to Calm Big Emotions)

One of the best ways to promote higher/

lower brain integration is to help retell

the story of the painful or frightening

experience


Mental Staircase: Integrating the Upstairs and Downstairs Brains


Mental Staircase: Integrating the Upstairs and Downstairs Brains

Lower BrainMore primitive

Responsible for Basic Functions such as

breathing, blinking


Lower BrainMore primitive; Responsible for

Basic Functions such as breathing &

blinkingInnate Reactions and impulses like

theFlight or Fight Syndrome


Lower BrainMore primitive; Responsible for

Basic Functions such as breathing &

blinkingInnate Reactions and impulses like

theFlight or Fight Syndrome

Strong Emotions such as Fear and Anger


Higher BrainWhere Intricate Mental Processes take

Place


Higher BrainWhere Intricate Mental Processes take

PlaceSuch as:

ThinkingImagining &Planning


Higher BrainWhere Intricate Mental Processes take Place

Such as:ThinkingImagining &Planning

Sound Decision MakingControl Over Emotions and BodySelf UnderstandingEmpathyMorality


While the Downstairs Brain is well developedEven at Birth


While the Downstairs Brain is well developedEven at Birth…The Upstairs Brain isn’t

fullymature until a person reaches theirmid-twenties


While the Downstairs Brain is well developedEven at Birth…The Upstairs Brain isn’t

fullymature until a person reaches theirmid-twenties

It is one of the last parts of the Brain

Developed


While the Downstairs Brain is well developedEven at Birth…The Upstairs Brain isn’t fullymature until a person reaches theirmid-twenties

It is one of the last parts of the Brain Developed

Remains under Massive Construction for the first

Few Years of Life


While the Downstairs Brain is well developedEven at Birth…The Upstairs Brain isn’t fullymature until a person reaches theirmid-twenties


Remains under Massive Construction for the first

Few Years of LifeUnder goes extensive remodeling during teen

years that lasts until adulthood


The Upstairs Brain isn’t fully mature until a person reaches theirmid-twenties


Remains under Massive Construction for the firstFew Years of LifeUnder goes extensive remodeling during teen years that lasts until adulthood or

Since it is under construction it is not capable of fully

functioning all the time…meaning it cannot be

integrated with the lower brain and/or consistently work

at it’s best


Consequently, Children are Prone to getting“Trapped Downstairs” without access to

theUpstairs Brain


Consequently, Children are Prone to getting“Trapped Downstairs” without access to theUpstairs Brain

Meaning:Children will “Fly Off the Handle”Make Poor Decisions &Show a General Lack of Empathy

andSelf-Understanding


Amygdala’s Job is to Quickly Process and Express Emotions



Especially Anger and Fear



Especially Anger and FearRemains on Alert for times we

Might be Threatened



Especially Anger and FearRemains on Alert for times we Might be Threatened

For Children, the Amygdala often

Fires Up and Blocks the Stairway

Connecting the Upstairs and Downstairs

Brains


Best way to ease the Children Through this Crisis is to Sooth Them and Shift Their Attention


There is No Sense in Talking About Consequences or Appropriate Behavior whenthe Child is in the Middle of a Lower BrainTantrum because that Conversation Requiresa Functioning Upstairs Brain that can Listenand Assimilate Information


Parents First Job has to be to Calm theAmygdala


Siegel Strategy #3: Engage, Don’t Enrage (Appealing to the Upstairs Brain)



As Your Self which Part of the Child’s Brain are you appealing to?



The Upstairs Brain?



The Upstairs Brain?

Or, The Lower Brain?



The Upstairs Brain?

Or, The Lower Brain?

Your Answer can Go a Long Way to

Determining the Outcome of One of those Delicately Balanced Parenting Moments


Siegel Strategy #4: Use It or Lose It

(Exercising the Upstairs Brain)

Working with Foster ChildrenSiegel Strategy #4: Use It or Lose It Self Understanding-Ask Questions that Help

the Child Look Beyond the Surface of What They Understand


Siegel Strategy #4: Use It or Lose It Self Understanding-Ask Questions that Help the Child Look Beyond the Surface of What They Understand

Empathy-Ask Questions about the Consideration of Another’s

Feelings


Siegel Strategy #4: Use It or Lose It Self Understanding-Ask Questions that Help

the Child Look Beyond the Surface of What They Understand

Empathy-Ask Questions that the Consideration of Another’s Feelings

Morality-Is a Sense of Right and Wrong but also is What is for the Greater Good Beyond their Own Individual Needs


Siegel Strategy #4: Use It or Lose It

Self Understanding-Ask Questions that Help the Child Look Beyond the Surface of What They

Understand Empathy-Ask Questions that the Consideration of Another’s Feelings Morality-Is a Sense of Right and Wrong but also is What is for the Greater Good Beyond their Own Individual Needs Offer Hypothetical Situations


Siegel Strategy #5: Move It or Lose It (Moving the Body to Avoid Losing the Mind)



Research has Shown that Body Movement Directly Affects Brain Chemistry



Research has Shown that Body Movement Directly Affects Brain Chemistry

A Powerful Way to Help the Child Regain Touch with the Upstairs Brain is to have Them Move Their Body


Siegel Strategy #6: Use the Remote of the Mind (Replaying Memories)



Sometimes a Child is Not Ready to Remember An

Especially Painful Experience



Sometimes a Child is Not Ready to Remember An

Especially Painful Experience

Introduce Child to Internal DVD player



Sometimes a Child is Not Ready to Remember An Especially Painful Experience

Introduce Child to Internal DVD player

Child can Pause, Rewind, or Fastforward

Through the Scary Parts While Still Being Able

to Retell the Story


Siegel Strategy #7: Remember to Remember (Making Recollection a Part of Your

Family’s Daily Life)




Memory is Like so Many Functions of the Brain




Memory is Like so Many Functions of the Brain

The More We Exercise It the Stronger It

Becomes


Siegel Strategy #8: Let the Clouds of Emotions Roll By (Teach that Feelings Come and

Go)


Siegel Strategy #8: Let the Clouds of Emotions Roll By (Teach that Feelings Come and

Go)

It is Important that Children Learn About

and Understand Their Feelings


Siegel Strategy #8: Let the Clouds of Emotions Roll By (Teach that Feelings Come and Go)

It is Important that Children Learn About

and Understand Their Feelings

Feelings Need to be Recognized for What They Are: Temporary and Changing Conditions


Siegel Strategy #9: SIFT (Paying Attention to What’s Going on Inside)


Siegel Strategy #9: SIFT (Paying Attention to What’s Going on Inside)

SIFT: Sensations, Images, Feelings, & Thoughts


Siegel Strategy #10: Exercise Mindsight (Getting Back to the Hub)



1st Aspect of Mindsight is Seeing and Understanding Our

Own Mind



1st Aspect of Mindsight is Seeing and Understanding Our

Own Mind

2nd Aspect of Mindsight is to See and Connect with the

Minds of Others



1st Aspect of Mindsight is Seeing and Understanding Our Own Mind

2nd Aspect of Mindsight is to See and Connect with the Minds of Others

Connections Depends on Empathy



1st Aspect of Mindsight is Seeing and Understanding Our Own Mind

2nd Aspect of Mindsight is to See and Connect with the Minds of Others

Connections Depends on Empathy

Recognizing the Feelings, Desires, and Perspectives of Others


The Brain is Set Up for Interpersonal Integration


The Brain is Set Up for Interpersonal Integration

Each Brain is Made to Relate with the Brain of Each Person We Interact With


Siegel Strategy #11: Increasing the Family Fun Factor (Making a Point to Enjoy Each

Other)


Siegel Strategy #11: Increasing the Family Fun Factor (Making a Point to Enjoy Each

Other)

We are Hardwired for Play, Exploration, & Joining with One Another


Siegel Strategy #11: Increasing the Family Fun Factor (Making a Point to Enjoy Each Other)


“Playful Parenting” is One of the Best Ways to Prepare Your Children for Relationships and Encourage Them to Connect with Others


Siegel Strategy #11: Increasing the Family Fun Factor (Making a Point to Enjoy Each Other)


“Playful Parenting” is One of the Best Ways to Prepare Your Children for

Relationships and Encourage Them to Connect with Others

Gives Child Positive Experiences with People They Spend the Most Time With


Your Brain Receives What Some People Call “Dopamine Squirts” When Something

Pleasurable Happens and it Motivates You to Want to Do It Again


Siegel Strategy #12: Connection Through Conflict (Teach Kids to Argue with “We” in Mind)



* See Through the Other Person’s Eyes




* Help Kid’s Recognize Other’s Point of View





* Listen to What is Being Said






* Teach Kids about Nonverbal Communication & Attuning to Others

Working with Foster ChildrenSiegel Strategy #12: Connection Through Conflict (Teach Kids to Argue with “We” in Mind)





We need Children to Get Good at Understanding What Other People are Saying Even if They Never Open Their Mouth







* Repair







* Repair

Teach Children to Make Things Right After a Conflict


The End

by mark dittloff, ms, lpc, lsot at the counseling center of denton working with foster children

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