Candidate for Normality

By Her Side

You caused this angel's falland created the demons that haunt her.I am human near her.She is my light.Together we fight the darkness.When you harm her,the pain is mine to bear.I will not let her break alone.I will be there until the darkness overwhelms us.

Until Then

Words and intentions cut.Not a cruel deed.Not a terrible man.Trying to see the good.Surrounded by chaos.

Jigsaw pieces.Trying to see the world whole.Seeing beyond the parts.Until then he can only try his best.

Us Against the World.

It's never over.It's still ongoing.We never forget.

Leering faces.Uncaring gazes.Blood racing.

Rage in the tasting.Stand tall.Fuck them all.

Let's cut them from our lives.Throw them to the sky.We can watch God catch themand use them to wipe away his tears.

The Last Lullaby

Those too stupid to understandfollow the wisest fool down their path.They wander, lead by the hand,to their end, their damnation.

They step towards their doom,humanities horrors await them.I should weep for our condition.

When the world dies,we will be deaf to others screams.Too late to protect ourselves.No thought of saving others.

Nothing will stop us.Our future as set as our past.I will sing a lullaby.

Sing with meor dance to their song.Led to the mountainwhere you disappear.

Hole in the Head

There's a hole in the back of my head.It lets the thoughts out and allows others to see through my eyes.If my gaze looks glazed and fixed,it's because there's nothing worth seeing.

What is done to us.

I don't care how pretty you are.Your destruction has gone too far.I still see scars,yet I'm bleeding for you.Your scream is from behind the eyes.A tragic cause lost to me.It cuts deeper than you think.

Burned Photo

There is no pleasure in looking back to the past.I'm sick and tired of kicking my own ass.Reminding myself of the could have beens.An imposed ideal picture before the truth comes through.Chalk it down and let it slide.

There and for always?

I guess the demons are back.It doesn't seem to matter where you run or hide.They always seem to reach you and pull apart your insides.Does this feel good? Are you happy like this?

All the damage, the hurt, the revisited pain.You never seem to get better. Never repair.They follow you, they love to capture your dreams.You hardly explain it. You leave me to describe it.

This doen't feel good. It is misery and it drags us down.Can we stop running? I'm growing tired.You've been doing this your whole life.Can't we rest and enjoy the sunshine?

I don't see them anywhere...and then there it is.To the SeaIt happens in the dead of night.I wrap myself for warmthbut the truth is cold and chilling.

The flood won't come,leaving me to herd the animals into the sea.I'll be the last to drown.

What can I say?

What can I say to youto make it easier?Come lie down and we can pretend to sleep.As you guard your feelings,I guard over you.

Something is wrong.I can feel it.Your past is blurred and broken.You cry - I know you think you hide itand you hate to dream.

I try to sleep.Worry overtakes me.You are waiting for my guard to drop.You never say where you go when I sleepbut you rarely hide the evidence well.

If only I could understand.I hold you, feeling you tense.I ask if you're okayand your lies sound flat and optimistic.You tell me to sleep and it'll be alright...

tomorrow.

Consumed

She swallows down the acrid sweets.A quickening of the heartand a buzz to help her feel.It feels like love and connectionbut slowly it is destroying her.

Without it she wants to be unloved, unwanted, abused.It's the only other way to make her feel she matters.If only I could help her find another way.

Like the world, it all tastes bitter.In order to join her, I had to follow her.My heart feels like an imploding universeand suddenly she can share in love and conversation.She tells me of a broken place she once inhabited.

If I knew of a better way...If I knew how to help...If I could help you see...

The bitterness cloys at the throat and makes us forget.

Ms. Self Destruct

I'm amazed to see you lose control.I thought you stronger than this.Looks like the roles are reversed.

You press Destructand disappear in flames.You burn yourselfplaying these games.

Slow down.You're destroying it all to fast.Slow down.Before the last of it is brought to ruin.

She sneers at the thought of feeling again.She says it feels like drowning when happy.She doesn't want to stop the spiral down.

I force myself to laugh. You're destroying yourself.Amongst the ruins, she tries to build a friendshipbut there is nothing left to use for this.

To See Your Smile.

I can still remember the beautiful way you smiled.I think I must be crazy or deluded,forgetting the reason you smiled was because you wounded me.

I'd wonder: Is this the way you'll be from now?Is there no way back from here?You smile as you say it once was perfect.Looks like we've gone the wrong way.

You smile as you blame me for this change.You smile as you say your feelings are gone.I have disrupted the fantasy.You smile as I flinch at your tears.

So many words to express this hurt.But they all end with you,and a smile goodbye.

The Voice

The silence primed, the voice acts as a detonator.When the world stops burning I want to make beauty from the ash.

The belly holds fire.I try to hold still,still I still shake.I feel the flame wake.

I exhale flames.I see the wonder burn from our world.I burn down all I love,to sift through the destruction, searching for something to call beautiful.

Edited

Does it appease something in you to pretend I am not real.You with your masks and locks on memories.You hold the power to warp reality and how events pass.

I exist, yet you have made me "gone".My reasons are your own.I am reserved to the shadows. We don't speak of me.Unless it is to chip away at all that I had built.

You don't think of me with fondness.You hold resentment in your heart,you are and always were so angry.I was there to lash out at.

When your energy was spent,lethargy and self pity took hold.Rest a while before your next attack.Until at last, I dont exist.

From the Mirror

Yesterday has passed me by again.Left with the feeling of needing one night moreto figure out what I'm doing wrong this time.

When the reflection lies and we fool ourselves,how can we expect the real world to meet you in your life?So I keep looking as I try to find the truth.

The reflection leaves me feeling unreal.A stranger who stares back with curious eyes.This is the person who walks through my dreams.He achieves all he desires and can shape the landscape.

For the Curtain Drop

An orchastra sounds for the end,we all take our bow.Hoping you leave having learnt how to live a Good Life.It may be a fairytale,we are sometimes left wishingit was as good as was promised.

Happiness wasn't far away.Sometimes we capture it just to let it escape.Where do we go to find it?

And when it's gone we enjoy the feeling of loss.The more it pulls at the heart, the more it mattered.The orchastra plays out the last bow,as we thank you for being there.

The Pack

I have seen the human animal.He had a fist of broken glassand stood amongst the pack.I stood alone.

Blood and adrenaline.Deflected threats.We stopped a distance.

I flexed.I moved my hands, sheathed with spikes.I prepared myself.

The pack froze.Sizing up. Considering risk.Looking for fear.

We stopped.He had no support.He loosed his glass fist.The animal slinks and leaves me to breath.

God, Just Let me Know Where I Stand.

Was I unkind with the things I said?You seemed to think I was in the wrong for the things I did.You were so quick to judge what I felt.You seemed to think you knew what I am.

So what am I?Why don't you help me through todayby telling me what to say and how to act.If I miscalculate then correct me with tears and caustic scorn.

When I woke beside you, my heart would sink.I have such beautiful dreams and I never shared them with you.Tell me what pushes me on. What keeps me standing tall?Tell me how I became strong enough to last where others failed.

I'd watch you as you got out of bed to dress.I used to feel excitement and lust.Now I turn away and face the darkness of the day.Where the hell did it all go wrong?

The question isn't who am I?And you would be a fool to make me question this.The question is who are you?I wonder if you'll ever know and believe the answer.

Manyana

We were drinking, we were moving,we were drinking, intoxicating.We were the only two on the dance floor.This is the time before the sunrise.Tomorrow will come, some other time.

Till then the band is playing, sayinglove is the moment we meet.This is the place where we connectand nothing else need be said.The moment before the sun will rise.Tomorrow will come, some other time.

It's like a lullaby - to reassure and with no thought of the future.Tomorrow will come, some other time.

Same Mistake, Different Place

I am not as evil as you would like them to believe.I wanted to help you fulfil your dreamsbut your dream was to drag me downand see me suffocate.

As I took charge of another life,my own began to decay.Like the feelings I had for you,you trampled where you saw hope.

The moment I turn my back,I hear you sharpen your tongue.You want to stab and lash at me, strip me downand leave me staggering and asking for more.

As you pull me down,You would hear my cries and struggle for escape.You would taunt and reflect my pain,it was always yours and you were the victim.I want to live my life without you.

Your Scapegoat

I am the sacred horns of lust, primed and aimed at you.Put your confessions to bed and sacrifice the goat,in the name of a villain.Soon you have consumed a life - laid upon your cold alter.

I'm not your saviour.I see your lips move and mutter silently.I hear no prayers.

I am crucified after trying to please and heal you.I had and would have done all you asked of me.Were it not for your wary gaze and withering contempt,your desperation for love and hatred of men.It forces you to hold back, tease then retreat behind barricades.

You have emptied me out.I am a hollow lord with his crown removed. My hands are nailed to my skull and eyes upturned.You took it all out of me and let me crumble inwards.As I wondered how much more I could take,I realised I didn't deserve this.

From a Distance it's Unimportant.

At the highest point on Earth,I stand on trial above the world.Tell me how I should feel.Tell me how I should be.Since I met here, I feel I must justify myself.

I'd like to think that we could have stayed true,despite the distance and the unknowing path of our future.Looking back, we were still strangers in many ways.

The initial excitement creates familiarity,we have been here before and recognise what it is.You recognise it in others now.

Or is this paranoia?Without you to tell me otherwise, it all means the same.I can't be angry. You haven't betrayed anything.We can always say it was nice to dream.

Disarm Me

In the back of my mind is a thought and a bullet.Not sure which to fire first.Not certain which will cause the most damage on exiting.

They clung to my feet and prayed I was a god,sent to guide and protect them.Asking that I cleanse their pain.

All I saw were needy strangerswith hearts built for usury and supporting shame.I believed they had come to see me die for them.

They tried to trigger the thoughts and avoid the bullets.They demanded I advise them and shelter them from themselves.

I disarmed myself but had to selfdestruct.Those I loved were the ones caught in the blast,whilst my enemies and I selfishly survived.

Septan

"Th'infernal serpent, he it was, whose guile stirred up with envy and revenge."John Milton, Paradise Lost

Pulsating heart attached to the veins of purity.Slowly the veins are polluted by life.Slowly the heart seizes up.Everything becomes blacker than night.

Abandonment stirs the impure heart.An ebony coccon is formed, impenetrable to external emotion.Empty of all save hatred.Inhuman and beyond your reason.

Thick, viscous evil that pumps through chambersand chokes corridors and doorways.Soon there is no entrance or egress.Inhuman and no longer accessible to humanity.

Now a black mirror to reflect back the world.So dark that light cannot penetrate.Here the Wyrm will be born in captivity.It's screams to help the angels smile.

It's birth scream unrelenting, never ending,burning in a world without warmth.It will grow to hate the world it cannot reach.It will see us reduced to the same.

NoThing BloomsI carry a million flaws with meto make me a shadow of man.I ape the actions of Jesus Christ,in the hope he leads to my evolution.I hold a million voices in my head,all trying to drown out who I am.The suffocation of isolationstops me from breathing or screaming.

I've become a puppet to demands.I sleep with eyes open and hands roving.I just remember that I was goodand one day could be better than you.Insanity is now an instinct.As I travel, I allow my mind to unravel.I fall apart by the seamsand the world is pushing me away.

If I could scream, I would laugh along with it.My tears are sold as words that I may feed to those around.They can spit them at you like bullets.I'll forgive those with bloodied hands,I know you don't understand what you are doing.I will endure the living as they become shades of the dead.I see Nothing growing deeper than ever before.

How sweet it will blossom once it is rooted to me.

Stoic

I was saved from your love by my hatred.It's what I need now.I needed saved from hate but now it's too late.I can't keep avoiding the truth or the pain it brings.

I see it's too late for us.There is only my fate running parallel to yours.I don't care enough to fight against this.

You cut me off and sent me outside.That is what I need to remember now.Forgetting how tightly you held me before pushing me away.Forgetting your presence and calming influence.Forgetting this failure of the heart.

Why should I care when you pretend not to hold feelings?Everytime that I start to wonder at what may have been lost,I hold onto it as if it were real.And the pain of this is not what I need.I'm ready to face what has gone.

You were the one I wanted to save my heart.

Is This The Heaven I Asked For?

Held in God's arms,I can't hear his heartbeat.Is this the Heaven I asked for?

It isn't real.Tomorrow will be the same.It's your faultbut I will suffer.

Held in God's arms.I can't feel his breathe.Is this what I dreamt of?

This isn't real.And no-one will save him.Once God is dead,who will save us?

I want to stop this.The world reacts to the poison.The martyrs offer their lives but there is no reward for their slaughter of men.

Is this the Heaven we asked for?

A Little Walk.

This black ash rains downs upon my world.No place for me to go - as all is burned and taken by the wind.It would seem I was built to be alone.It looks as if I am to die unknown.

But don't leave me. I'm here in body,if not in soul.

On a quest to find a place with smiling heads,who gaze upon me and see the dead amongst them.There's no place for me whilst they're around.

A Promise to the World

I promised the world that I would remember all the Good Times between us.Yet, as I turned to walk away I heard you.You had made no such promise.

Such poison and edged attacks flit from her lipsand the people listened and wrung their hands in anger.I knew I could never go back.I am ashamed to admit that I did not grieve.Your malice and lies hardened my heart.

I have entered a new realm, a place of promising emptiness.Here the stars reflect upon me and I may marvel at all I experience.Here there are no tears in space and the stars do not cannibalise.I will bring worlds and stars to me, and fill this emptiness.

They will come here with hope in their light and new life to meet.I will not destroy them, I will guard them from people like you.They will undo all that you have done.