Carefronting Youth:

Before, During and After Pregnancy

Developed by

Stephen de Groot BA, BSW, MSW

www.myriadconsult.com www.gettingtonbetter.ca

M Y R I A D C O N S U L T A T I O N A N D

C O U N S E L L I N G

Group Discussion/ReflectionGroup Discussion/Reflection Why did you choose to a Helper of Why did you choose to a Helper of

Youth?Youth?

What were you hoping to accomplish What were you hoping to accomplish in that role?in that role?

What do you hope to accomplish with What do you hope to accomplish with the youth you live and/or work with?the youth you live and/or work with?

One of the Greatest One of the Greatest DilemmasDilemmasNot Knowing…The YouthNot Knowing…The Youth• How they experience the worldHow they experience the world• Who they areWho they are• What they want What they want • What they needWhat they need

When we KNOW more, we can DO more!When we KNOW more, we can DO more!When we KNOW Better, we can DO When we KNOW Better, we can DO Better and move to Better!Better and move to Better!

(A word about Most Successful (A word about Most Successful Interventions)Interventions)

© Stephen de Groot, MYRIAD, 2004, 2012. – APIN Conference 2012 – Copy with Permission© Stephen de Groot, MYRIAD, 2004, 2012. – APIN Conference 2012 – Copy with Permission

Getting to know the youth and the Getting to know the youth and the youth’s story.youth’s story.

My My StoryStory

Individual Uniqueness

Dreams

Experiences

Values

Goals

Opinions

Strengths

Resiliencies

Culture

Sensitivities

Knowledge

© Stephen de Groot, MYRIAD, 2004, 2012. – APIN Conference 2012 – Copy with Permission© Stephen de Groot, MYRIAD, 2004, 2012. – APIN Conference 2012 – Copy with Permission

What ALL youth NeedWhat ALL youth NeedSafety – Value - DirectionSafety – Value - Direction

SAFETYSAFETY ComfortComfort TrustTrust RespectRespect AcceptanceAcceptance PatiencePatience UnderstandingUnderstanding

SAFETYSAFETY ConsistencyConsistency PredictabilityPredictability ReliabilityReliability ControlControl Clear expectationsClear expectations LoveLove ProtectionProtection

© Stephen de Groot, MYRIAD, 2004, 2012. – APIN Conference 2012 – Copy with Permission© Stephen de Groot, MYRIAD, 2004, 2012. – APIN Conference 2012 – Copy with Permission

What ALL youth NeedWhat ALL youth NeedSafety – Value - DirectionSafety – Value - Direction

VALUEVALUE LoveLove WorthWorth Value/ValuableValue/Valuable BelongingBelonging ConnectednessConnectedness AttachmentAttachment

VALUEVALUE InvolvedInvolved IncludedIncluded SignificantSignificant ImportantImportant UniqueUnique VoiceVoice Choice Choice

© Stephen de Groot, MYRIAD, 2004, 2012. – APIN Conference 2012 – Copy with Permission© Stephen de Groot, MYRIAD, 2004, 2012. – APIN Conference 2012 – Copy with Permission

What ALL youth NeedWhat ALL youth NeedSafety – Value - DirectionSafety – Value - Direction

DIRECTIONDIRECTION CopingCoping AdaptingAdapting GoalsGoals SupportSupport PlanPlan RoutineRoutine

DIRECTIONDIRECTION ModellingModelling Resources/SupportResources/Support BoundariesBoundaries StructureStructure GuidelinesGuidelines Clear expectationsClear expectations CommunicationCommunication

© Stephen de Groot, MYRIAD, 2004, 2012. – APIN Conference 2012 – Copy with Permission© Stephen de Groot, MYRIAD, 2004, 2012. – APIN Conference 2012 – Copy with Permission

A Common Area of Challenge A Common Area of Challenge Under the Best Circumstances:Under the Best Circumstances:

Getting Youth to Talk to Us – What’s really Getting Youth to Talk to Us – What’s really going on; Their Experiences, What they going on; Their Experiences, What they really need/wantreally need/want

Especially when many are saying:Especially when many are saying:

““You Don’t ___________!”You Don’t ___________!”

““You Don’t ___________!”You Don’t ___________!”

““You Don’t ___________!”You Don’t ___________!”© Stephen de Groot, MYRIAD, 2004, 2012. – APIN Conference 2012 – Copy with Permission© Stephen de Groot, MYRIAD, 2004, 2012. – APIN Conference 2012 – Copy with Permission

Four Key Ingredients for Four Key Ingredients for Building Relationships and Building Relationships and Engaging Youth to TalkEngaging Youth to Talk

Acceptance and UnderstandingAcceptance and Understanding When there is acceptance and When there is acceptance and understanding in relationships, this is understanding in relationships, this is where youth want to be.where youth want to be.

Trust and RespectTrust and RespectWhen it is safe, youth will talk. They When it is safe, youth will talk. They must see, hear and feel trust and must see, hear and feel trust and respect. It takes as long as it takes. respect. It takes as long as it takes. Minutes to weeks to months.Minutes to weeks to months.

© Stephen de Groot, MYRIAD, 2004, 2012. – APIN Conference 2012 – Copy with Permission© Stephen de Groot, MYRIAD, 2004, 2012. – APIN Conference 2012 – Copy with Permission

FEARFEARGUILT GUILT SHAMESHAMEHURTHURT

CONFUSIONCONFUSIONANGERANGER

Caution:Caution:

• Can lead to Reacting vs. RespondingCan lead to Reacting vs. Responding• Can be lead to Responses that are NOT Can be lead to Responses that are NOT

conducive to Acceptance, Understanding, Trust conducive to Acceptance, Understanding, Trust and Respectand Respect

• Can Lead to Barriers to the Youth and the Can Lead to Barriers to the Youth and the Youth’s StoryYouth’s Story© Stephen de Groot, MYRIAD, 2004, 2012. – APIN Conference 2012 – Copy with Permission© Stephen de Groot, MYRIAD, 2004, 2012. – APIN Conference 2012 – Copy with Permission

Getting to know the youth and the Getting to know the youth and the youth’s story.youth’s story.

My My StoryStory

Individual Uniqueness

Dreams

Experiences

Values

Goals

Opinions

Strengths

Resiliencies

Culture

Sensitivities

Knowledge

© Stephen de Groot, MYRIAD, 2004, 2012. – APIN Conference 2012 – Copy with Permission© Stephen de Groot, MYRIAD, 2004, 2012. – APIN Conference 2012 – Copy with Permission

When Youth Share with USWhen Youth Share with USHow to Get to the Their StoryHow to Get to the Their Story LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTENLISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN Active Listen – ParaphraseActive Listen – Paraphrase

– ParaphrasingParaphrasing - involves using fresh words - involves using fresh words to state back what the youth has just said. to state back what the youth has just said. The focus is on the situation or ideas The focus is on the situation or ideas rather than on feelings.rather than on feelings.

ExampleExample::Youth: Youth: I hate those stupid meetings and I hate those stupid meetings and

shit!.shit!. You: You: Really? Sounds like you don’t like you Really? Sounds like you don’t like you

don’t like these appointments (or) you’re don’t like these appointments (or) you’re not a fan of these kinds of not a fan of these kinds of interviews/assessments/classes?interviews/assessments/classes?

© Stephen de Groot, MYRIAD, 2004, 2012. – APIN Conference 2012 – Copy with Permission© Stephen de Groot, MYRIAD, 2004, 2012. – APIN Conference 2012 – Copy with Permission

When Yotuh Share with USWhen Yotuh Share with US

Paraphrasing has two important Paraphrasing has two important purposespurposes::

FirstFirst, it allows youth to know and feel , it allows youth to know and feel that you are hearing them and that you that you are hearing them and that you want to try and understand. want to try and understand.

SecondSecond, it usually, it usually prompts prompts youth to youth to continue expressing morecontinue expressing more thoughts thoughts and and feelingsfeelings about their situation. about their situation.

Be careful not to overuse paraphrasing, Be careful not to overuse paraphrasing, because it will seem gimmicky, ingenuine, because it will seem gimmicky, ingenuine, and may become annoying to the youth. – and may become annoying to the youth. – It is a technique to get you started.It is a technique to get you started.

© Stephen de Groot, MYRIAD, 2004, 2012. – APIN Conference 2012 – Copy with Permission© Stephen de Groot, MYRIAD, 2004, 2012. – APIN Conference 2012 – Copy with Permission

Helpful Questions: Encouraging Helpful Questions: Encouraging Youth to Talk – Getting to their Youth to Talk – Getting to their storiesstories Tell me about that?Tell me about that? How was that for you?How was that for you? Tell me more about that?Tell me more about that? What was that like (for you)?What was that like (for you)? What is that like when that happens?What is that like when that happens? What does that mean?What does that mean? What do you mean when you say ________?What do you mean when you say ________? AVOID “WHY” QuestionsAVOID “WHY” Questions

– Really?...Paraphrase the statementReally?...Paraphrase the statement– Really? What do you think that’s about?Really? What do you think that’s about?

ALLOW FOR SILENCESALLOW FOR SILENCES What Difference would that make? How What Difference would that make? How

would that be helpful?would that be helpful?© Stephen de Groot, MYRIAD, 2004, 2012. – APIN Conference 2012 – Copy with Permission© Stephen de Groot, MYRIAD, 2004, 2012. – APIN Conference 2012 – Copy with Permission

Forward Motion Qualities of Forward Motion Qualities of Goals:Goals:

1.1. Important to the Youth Important to the Youth

2.2. Youth See the Value in it Youth See the Value in it

3.3. Consider non-goal as a problemConsider non-goal as a problem

Is the Goal to have, to be, to want…? Or is it something else?

- Great Conversation with Youth - GOAL

© Stephen de Groot, MYRIAD, 2004, 2012. – APIN Conference 2012 – Copy with Permission© Stephen de Groot, MYRIAD, 2004, 2012. – APIN Conference 2012 – Copy with Permission

Strengths: Strengths: More than just being PositiveMore than just being Positive

We need to:We need to:

– Search for StrengthsSearch for Strengths

– Build on StrengthsBuild on Strengths

– Leverage strengths – in the pursuit of Leverage strengths – in the pursuit of important goalsimportant goals

For a More detailed Overview see:For a More detailed Overview see:www.Gettingtobetter.cawww.Gettingtobetter.ca – Newsletter, Feb – Newsletter, Feb

2012 – “Got Strengths?”2012 – “Got Strengths?”

© Stephen de Groot, MYRIAD, 2004, 2012. – APIN Conference 2012 – Copy with Permission© Stephen de Groot, MYRIAD, 2004, 2012. – APIN Conference 2012 – Copy with Permission

Questions/CommentsQuestions/Comments

DISCUSSION PERIODDISCUSSION PERIOD

© Stephen de Groot, MYRIAD, 2004, 2012. – APIN Conference 2012 – Copy with Permission© Stephen de Groot, MYRIAD, 2004, 2012. – APIN Conference 2012 – Copy with Permission

www.myriadconsult.comwww.myriadconsult.com

www.gettingtobetter.cawww.gettingtobetter.ca

THANK YOU!THANK YOU!For More Information and Resources For More Information and Resources

Please VisitPlease Visit

© Stephen de Groot, MYRIAD, 2004, 2012. – APIN Conference 2012 – Copy with Permission© Stephen de Groot, MYRIAD, 2004, 2012. – APIN Conference 2012 – Copy with Permission