catalyst 2016: how to boost your energy program through negative feedback

PowerPoint Presentation

1What if negative feedback propelled your energy program forward?

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How to Boost Your Energy Program Through Negative FeedbackChris HeinzCatalyst DirectorEnergyCAP, Inc.2016 EnergyCAP, Inc. @energycap #energyleader www.EnergyCAP.com

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Has This Ever Happened To You?

Has something like this ever happened to you?

So recently I was talking with my wife. She was thinking about her errands for the day and she was visibly stressed about them. So she said to me, I have like, a million things to do today.

Now I like to think of myself as a caring and sensitive husband, and I would like to say I responded to her with, Wow, you sound really overwhelmed. What can I help you with?

But thats not what happened. When she sighed, I have like, a million things to do today, I shot back in my most sarcastic voice, A million? You have a million things to do today?

As in, No you dont, lots of people have far more to do today, whats your problem, why cant you handle it?

You can guess where that headed, it led to a fight.

If only I was aware of the feedback I was giving. 3

Today well be drawing from two great books The primary source is Thanks For the Feedback by Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen. I got to hear Sheila speak at the Global Leadership Summit and it was excellent.The other book is Rising Strong by Brene Brown, whose TED Talk on the power of vulnerability is one of the top 5 most viewed TED talks of all time. 4

What Is Feedback?Feedback is any information you get about yourself.(Thanks For The Feedback)

Okay, so What is Feedback? Thats a good starting place.Feedback is, Any information you get about yourself. Feedback can come in various forms, like:

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Maybe you should lay off the cookies.

It can be something about your appearance or your lifestyle.

Maybe you should lay off the cookies.

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Youre never in your office.

It can come from your coworker.

Youre never in your office.

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You were driving too fast.

It can come in the form of a speeding ticket to tell you you werent obeying the speed limit.

You were driving too fast.

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Were giving the promotion to Betsy.

It can come at your workplace regarding your job performance and opportunities.

Were giving the promotion to Betsy.

In all these cases, receiving feedback can be so hard.9

Why Is Receiving Feedback Difficult?We want to be accepted.We want to be right.We want to be settled.Anyone can give feedback at any time.Givers dont play by the rules.

We decided to present a session on Feedback because receiving feedback isnt easy. The reason Thanks for the Feedback became a New York Times bestseller is because readers need help with feedback. It can be confusing and even combative in personal relationships and your workplace. Perhaps youd like to turn feedback around to make it work for you, not against you.

But why is Feedback difficult?

We want to be accepted Feedback can feel like rejection and no one wants to be rejected.

We want to be right Feedback often challenges our sense of what is right. And no one wants to be wrong.

We want to be settled Sometimes info we get about ourselves rocks the very foundations of what we believe about where we have come from, where we are now, and where were headed. It can be very unsettling.

Anyone can give it at any time Have you ever received feedback when you werent expecting it? Sure, it happens all the time. Ive had my feedback filter on since studying this topic and you know what I discovered? People throw feedback around all the time, even when theyre not meaning to.

And last, Givers dont play by the rules. There is a method to offering feedback that is helpful, but only a small percentage of people do that. The rest are unaware that theyre spreading unsolicited and unhelpful feedback around like bad breath. Well, you cant control other people, but you can control how you respond to feedback. 10

By managing your feedback process,you can transform negative feedback into a better energy program.

By managing your feedback process, you can transform negative feedback into a better energy program.

Because you cant control other people.You cant just say you dont want to hear feedback.You cant make everyone play by the rules.

But you can manage the feedback process.11

How you handle feedback can make or break your career.

Listen, how you handle feedback can make or break your career. Let me tell you a story.

Well a few years ago at EnergyCAP, we were looking to hire a graphic designer. Working in the marketing department is a visible position that impacts the companys brand and reputation, so we were very particular about the type of person we wanted to hire. Of course we wanted someone skilled in graphic design. But another quality was important the ability to take feedback constructively and make good of criticism. The interviews took on the standard approach, but then we moved into a different segment of the interview. We displayed the candidates resume, cover letter, and portfolio on the screen as they had submitted them, and then we displayed them with the mistakes circled in red. Then we asked them why there were mistakes in their work for a job interview in marketing. Now this may sound brutal, but we were looking for candidates who could handle negative feedback well because that would be a key to success.

So listen, Candidates who were equal in skill but seemed soft and teachable had advantages over those who didnt handle the feedback well.

This is just one example, but how you handle feedback can shape your career. You can ignore negative feedback or welcome it as guidance for improvement. The choice is yours.

The person receiving the feedback is really the critical role. Of course without the feedback giver, thered be no feedback. But what happens with the feedback is really up to the receiver. This is the position of power.

So as we talk about managing your feedback process, lets introduce our topics.

Today well cover how to:

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Recognize Types Of Feedback

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Identify Feedback Triggers

Understand The Story Youre Telling Yourself

Adopt A Growth Mindset

Navigate The Conversation

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Managing The Feedback ProcessRecognize Types Of FeedbackIdentify Feedback TriggersUnderstand The Story Youre Telling YourselfAdopt A Growth MindsetNavigate The Conversation

Number 1: Recognize types of feedback

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AppreciationCoachingEvaluationRecognize Types Of Feedback

Not all feedback is built the same. In their book, Stone and Heen talk about three different types of feedback: appreciation, evaluation, and coaching.

Feedback comes in three forms: appreciation (thanks), evaluation (heres where you stand), and coaching (heres a better way to do it).

Lets talk about each type of feedback.19

AppreciationWord of thanks or attentionIm glad youre on our team.You make work fun.About human connectionsNot about advice

Did any of you see the Disney Pixar movie, Inside Out? What color is the emotion joy? Right, shes yellow. Appreciation just feels good. It makes us happy.

Appreciation is a word of thanks or attention.Appreciation sounds like this:Im glad youre on our team. Or You make work fun.Appreciate feedback is mostly about human connectionsI notice you and this thing about you. Appreciation is not about getting advice. Its about communicating something good about the other person.

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EvaluationWord of assessmentYoure never in your office.Were giving the promotion to Betsy.Most common type of feedbackAlign expectations, helps in decisions

On the other hand, Evaluation is different. Evaluation is where you stand, its an assessment.

Thats why its red. When teachers mark wrong answers on your tests, thats an evaluation.

All the examples I gave at the beginning were evaluations.

Youre never in your office. evaluation is you are not around as much as you should beWere giving the promotion to Betsy. you are not as good for the position as Betsy is

I think this is the most common type of feedback we hear. Why? Because we like to judge each other and point out whats wrong.

Evaluation is important because it aligns expectations when youre evaluated, you discover how you stack up to whats expected of you.

And it helps in decision making evaluation gives the information needed to the evaluator

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CoachingWord of adviceI recommend making a list of priorities.Closing your inbox while you workmay help you focus.About growth and developmentLooks forward

Coaching is the third type of feedback. Its a word of advice. Coaching sounds like this: I recommend making a list of priorities. Or Closing your inbox while you work may help you focus. Coaching is the color green because its focused on growth and development. Coaching focuses on how you can get better. It looks forward to the future.

Now, often a feedback disconnect happens when youre expecting a certain type of feedback and instead you get something else.

This is what happened with my wife. After sharing that she felt stressed about the days errands, she was looking for appreciation from me (thanks for all you do, I notice all your hard work), but instead she got evaluation (you cant handle it, youre exaggerating).

Recognizing the different types of feedback is important to managing the feedback process.

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Next is identifying feedback triggers. Sit back and watch this short video.

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Feedback Triggers

Its Not About the Nail is located at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg24

Feedback TriggersTruth triggersRelationship triggersIdentity triggers

Did you like that video? It illustrates Feedback triggers really well. The wife wasnt able to receive the valuable feedback her husband was giving.

Feedback triggers are why you can tell your spouse one thing and she doesnt act on it, but if her friend tells her the exact same thing, then she does it. How frustrating! Feedback triggers set something off inside of us that make the feedback difficult to receive.

Well discuss three kinds of feedback triggers:

Truth triggersRelationship triggersIdentity triggers

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Truth TriggersAbout the content itselfSeparate typesFind whats rightSeek to understandAsk for more details

Truth triggers are about the content of the feedback itself. Its not quite landing in the hole. Its off a bit.

Maybe it came at the wrong time you just walk in the door from a long day and your kid yells at you for not washing his soccer uniform. Or its unfair: you have twice the amount of buildings to cover as your coworker, but youre expected to perform at the same level. Or its unhelpful: youre asked to learn new software but arent given the tools to grow.

Regardless, the feedback isnt going to go away. You have to learn how to deal with it. First, separate the types. What is appreciation, what is evaluation, and what is coaching. Next, find whats right. Instead of finding whats wrong with their feedback, find whats right. Its true you do have twice the territory as your coworker, but you have twice the commission potential.

Seek to understand. Instead of viewing the feedback from your perspective, try to see it from the other persons perspective.

If you still cant accept the feedback, ask for more details. Often when were reeling from feedback, the last thing we want to do is engage it. We want it to be over and retreat. But asking for more details will help you understand. For example, Can you help me see why I wasnt chosen for the promotion? Ask for the data the person used to make the decision.

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Relationship TriggersAbout the relationshipSystem at workIdentify SwitchtracksGive attention to each track

Whereas truth triggers are about the content, relationship triggers are about the relationship. You could hear the relationship trigger in the video Stop trying to fix it, you always do this Probably if her BFF were saying the same thing, it would be no problem.

A relationship is a system its not that theres a problem with any one person, but when you put the two together, it creates a system. Relationship triggers are triggered by the dynamics in the system.

What often happens is whats called switch track conversations. Switchtracking happens when one individual changes the subject in response to feedback. The train was headed in one direction, but now a new track is formed. This happens all the time.

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WhoFeedbackSubjectSchool Board MemberWe were expecting the savings to be more.Unmet expectations

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WhoFeedbackSubjectSchool Board MemberWe were expecting the savings to be more.Unmet expectationsYouThe savings would be greater if I had your leadership support. I feel unsupported

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YouOur energy savings workshop is during next Mondays in-service day.Invitation

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TeacherIm not interested, youll probably make my room too cold.You dont have my interests at heart

If both the conversations dont get back on track, theyll just keep talking over each other.

To solve this, identify each different track and decide to tackle each one thats important.

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TeacherIm not interested, youll probably make my room too cold.You dont have my interests at heart

I appreciate your concern about the comfort of your room, Im interested in keeping your room comfortable and saving energy at the same time. I look forward to seeing you at the workshop.

For example, To the teachers response, you may say, I appreciate your concern about the comfort of your room, Im interested in keeping your room comfortable and saving energy at the same time. I look forward to seeing you at the workshop.

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Identity TriggersAbout how you see yourself and where youre goingThreatens the balancePerhaps most explosiveEmotions distortBe on guard

Whereas truth triggers are about content, and relationship triggers are about the relationship system, identity triggers are about how you see yourself and where youre going. Negative feedback threatens the balance, and can create fireworks.

I believe this is why American Idol was such a blockbuster show when it first came onto the scene, and has spurred all types of reality talent competition shows.On American Idol, an aspiring singer sang in front of three judges, and was instantly critiqued given feedback.The most famous judge, Simon Cowell, gave brutally honest feedback:

If you had lived 2,000 years ago and sung like that, I think they would have stoned you."Not in a billion years. There's only so many words I can drag out of my vocabulary to say how awful that was."Last year I described someone as being the worst singer in America. I think you're possibly the worst singer in the world."

In response, some singers cried, some got angry, some flicked off the camera. The viewing public got to see their reaction to the feedbackand loved it, it made for great television.

Now what was happening in front of our very eyes? Identity triggers were going off on television sets all over. These aspiring singers saw themselves as good singersthey saw themselves singing on television and winning the competition and getting big record deals and selling out stadiums. That was the future they had made up for themselves. But in an instant, Simon Cowell smashed the stories they had made up about themselves.

Identity triggers are perhaps the most explosive because they are very personal and affect our sense of the future.

And theyre tied up in emotion. Strong feelings can distort. Says the book, If youre in the grip of strong emotion, negative feedback floods across boundaries into other areas of your self-image: I sing off key? I cant do anything right. I handed the project in late? Im totally unreliable.

So be on guard when your identity trigger is set off and be careful about strong emotions that distort the feedback.

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Another part of managing the feedback process is understanding the story youre telling yourself.

Psychologists tell us we are wired to make up a story about what is happening to us. We want to, no we have to, make sense of things.

Our brains take the available data in order to create a story. When data is missing, the brain fills in data in order to form the story.

Thats why this sort of thing happens:

Your daughter goes on a date, but doesnt make it home in time for her curfew. But why? What happened? Your brains trying to make sense of it. You dont have the data, so in its absence, you will make up a story. That boyfriend doesnt respect the curfew. So the story becomes, That boyfriend is a bad influence and will not take your daughter out again. Ah but wait, in reality, they had stopped so the boyfriend could help a motorist with a flat tire.

Because of lack of data and distorting emotions, we make up stories all the time.

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Understand The Story Youre Telling YourselfThe ReckoningThe Rumble The Revolution

Earlier this year, the department heads of our company were in a meeting. We were discussing the possibility of hiring some new positions, and the hiring we had done in the past.Another department head said, We want to make sure were being very intentional with our hiring, and to make sure we really need the positions were hiring for. Then he looked straight at me and said, Because in the past, the Marketing team brought on new positions and then ran out of work for them. We dont want that to happen again.

Boom! That really set me off.

Angry and defensive, I blurted out something childish and immature, which made the whole room feel awkward and heavy. And all I could think of were mean things about this department head, and how he doesnt know anything.

It was not a productive or healthy moment. Did this ever happen to you? An inciting incident occurs at work and suddenly your emotional fireworks are firing, and people had better get out of the way.

The workplace can be fertile ground for scenarios like this, which can sap productivity, create hostility, and foster an unhealthy environment.

But theres a way to overcome these pitfalls. In her new book, Rising Strong, Dr. Bren Brown describes how to understand the story youre telling yourself. Theres the reckoning, the rumble, and the revolution.35

The ReckoningReckon with your emotionsWhat are you feeling?

Angry, defensive, shameful

According to Brown, Men and women [must be willing to] reckon with their emotions. First, they recognize that theyre feeling somethinga button has been pushed, theyre hooked, something is triggered, their emotions are off-kilter. Second, they get curious about whats happening and how what theyre feeling is connected to their thoughts and behaviors. Engaging in this process is how we walk into our story.

Debrief from my meeting:What was I feeling?

I was feeling angry, defensive and even shameful. My heart pounded, breathing rate increased, and I clenched my fists. Plus I felt the need to defend myself, to get allies in the room, and justify my past actions. Of course, this emotional recognition came later. But in the moment, all I could think of was striking back like a cobra.

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The RumbleGet honest about the stories youve made upWhat story are you telling yourself?

He doesnt think Im qualified for this job.Im probably not. Other people probably think so, too.

After recognizing their emotions, the next step is to rumble with our stories. Brown says, By rumble, I mean they get honest about the stories theyve made up about their struggles and they are willing to revisit, challenge, and reality-check these narratives as they dig into topics such as boundaries, shame, blame, resentment, heartbreak, generosity, and forgiveness. Rumbling with these topics and moving from our first responses to a deeper understanding of our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors gives birth to key learnings about who we are and how we engage with others.

Debrief from my meeting:What story was I telling myself?

When the department head challenged my previous hiring decisions, it hit a nerve. When he was talking, this is what I was thinking, He doesnt think Im qualified for this job. Im probably not. Other people probably think so, too. This is the story I was telling myself, which explains the anger and defensiveness. Shame came at the thought that I really wasnt who I thought I had been.It never occurred to me that the story I was telling myself might be false. I desperately needed to rumble.

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The RevolutionWrite a more courageous ending to the storyWhats the real story?

I have been chosen and belong here.

Third, after youve recognized your emotions and the story youve made up, you can write the real story.

Debrief to my meeting: Whats the real story?

Now that Im aware of the false story that I can begin telling myself at work, Im on guard against it. I've been empowered to have more productive conversations to clarify my story, which is this: I have been chosen and belong here.

Since the meeting, Ive spoken with my coworker about the story I was telling myself, and our working relationship has improved. More than that, I have more confidence, productivity, and satisfaction.38


Next lets talk about adopting a growth mindset.

This is so important not only in receiving negative feedback well, but also for life in general.

Lets talk about the difference between a growth mindset and a fixed mindset.

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IssueFixedGrowthWho am I?Im fixed, I am who I am.I change, learn, grow.

Critical to managing feedback well is having a growth mindset. Lets talk about the difference between a growth mindset and a fixed mindset.

If I asked the question, Who am I? a fixed mindset says, Im fixed, I am who I am. A growth mindset says, I change, learn, grow.

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IssueFixedGrowthWho am I?Im fixed, I am who I am.I change, learn, grow.Whats the goal?Success. The outcome is what matters.The process of learning is whats rewarding. Success is a by-product.

If I asked the question, Whats the goal?, a fixed mindset says, Success. The outcome is what matters. A growth mindset says, The process of learning is whats rewarding. Success is a by-product.

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When challenges comePerceives a threatSees an opportunity to grow

When challenges come, a fixed mindset perceives a threat while the growth mindset sees an opportunity to improve.

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When challenges comePerceives a threatSees an opportunity to grow

More receptive to feedbackNoYes

Which mindset is more helpful for feedback? Right, the growth mindset. The growth mindset is:

More receptive to feedback.

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Adopt A Growth MindsetGrowth versus fixedLooking for opportunitiesto learnInterested in the processResilientEngage in conversationBeing open to see yourself in new ways

Looking for opportunities to learn

My friend Donnan is an elementary school principal, a current phd doctoral student, and has won national awards in education. Do you know what her professional title is? Its not miss hoity toity Im so smart principal. Its Lead Learner.

Interested in the processResilient able to bounce back, the fixed mindset will be crying on the floor in a fetal position. The growth mindset will be already improving their methods

Whats key about the growth mindset is that it opens you up to engage in the feedback conversation. Youll be more open to saying things like, Tell me more, and I didnt see it that way. Show me what Im not seeing.

Plus it opens you up to seeing yourself in new ways that the fixed mindset doesnt allow.

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Managing The Feedback ProcessRecognize Types Of FeedbackIdentify Feedback TriggersUnderstand The Story Youre Telling YourselfAdopt A Growth MindsetNavigating The Conversation

We come to the final part, which is navigating the conversation. 45

Navigate the ConversationGet AlignedAssert Whats MissingMake Process MovesClose with Commitment

Here you are the captain of the ship. Although it has taken time to develop this sixth sense, you are able to navigate the feedback conversation, maybe even steer it. The other person wont even know youre doing it.

When you Navigate the Conversation, youGetting alignedAssert yourselfMaking process movesClose with commitment

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Open By Getting Aligned

When you recognize youre getting feedback, put on your getting feedback hat. If you start off with the right perspective, itll make the whole experience better. Settle a few questions:Is this feedback? If so, what type is it?What is the feedback givers purpose? Why is the giver offering the feedback? What is the point?

When you understand expectations, youll be more able to handle what is coming.47

Assert Whats Missing

When youre in a feedback conversation, the two of you are building a puzzle together. The giver has some of the pieces and you have the others.So when you assert whats missing, listen to hear the givers pieces and then add your pieces.

This requires you to listen to understand. Listening is not waiting with your mouth shut, thinking about how to fight back. Listening is asking clarifying questions, trying to understand their perspective from the data they have and how they interpreted such data to end up at the conclusion.

As you listen and respond, be sure to avoid emotionally-packed responses like, Do you actually believe that? or sarcastic response like, I just love getting beaten up in these reviews. These kinds of statements keep you and the feedback giver in adversarial positions. Instead, work together to figure it out.

As youre listening to understand, share your data (what youve observed), your interpretations, and your feelings. When you share from your perspective, you are asserting whats been left out.48

Make Process Moves

Like a master chess player, make process moves.

Process moves mean you are aware not only of the feedback itself, but also what is happening in the feedback conversation. You:

Observe the discussionDiagnose where it is going wrongIntervene to correct it

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Were both making arguments and trying to persuade the other, but I dont think either of us is listening to, or fully understanding the other. I know Im not doing a good enough job of trying to understand what your concerns are. So tell me more about why this is so important to you.I see two issues here, and were jumping back and forth between them. Lets focus on one at a time. The first is that you were expecting more savings. And the other is that I feel unsupported by leadership. Do you agree these are two matters, and if so, which do you want to talk about first?

So when youre navigating the conversation, and notice the conversation is getting off track, you may say things like:

Were both making arguments and trying to persuade the other, but I dont think either of us is listening to, or fully understanding the other. I know Im not doing a good enough job of trying to understand what your concerns are. So tell me more about why this is so important to you.

I see two issues here, and were jumping back and forth between them. Lets focus on one at a time. The first is that you were expecting more savings. And the other is that I feel unsupported by leadership. Do you agree these are two matters, and if so, which do you want to talk about first?

Whatever your natural skill, you can get better with awareness and practice.

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Close with Commitment

Close with commitment. This is where you figure out what youve agreed to. Wrap up the entire feedback conversation by answering, What happens next?

Often feedback conversations miss this step, but it is critical. So be sure to leave time for deliberate stating of what youve agreed to and what happens next. You may have discussed lots of things, so clear up anything that is ambiguous so you can move forward.

Closing with commitment will remind you of the valuable time you spent together, firm up the relationship, and provide clear steps for the future.51

By managing your feedback process,you can transform negative feedback into a better energy program.

So weve talked about a lot of thing today because: by managing your feedback process, you can transform negative feedback into a better energy program. 52

Recognize Types Of Feedback

Identify Feedback Triggers

Understand The Story Youre Telling Yourself

Adopt A Growth Mindset

Navigate The Conversation

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58Four Closing Thoughts1. Appreciation may be least offered but most needed.2. Finding whats right is an important act of humility. 3. Start learning by taking on one new thing from today.4. Developing a process awareness will set you apart.

Now some quick closing thoughts.

Number 1: In our world, appreciation may be the least type of feedback offered, but perhaps the most needed. I encourage you to look for ways to show the people around you that you appreciate them and why. In fact, by the end of today, please give some appreciation feedback to at least one person.

Number 2: Finding whats right is an important act of humility. Anyone can find something wrong in what another is saying. But humility says, I dont know it all. So bow yourself and take the higher ground.

Number 3: Start learning by taking on one new thing from today. We threw a lot at you. Instead of trying to get everything into practice our getting it perfect, pick one thing and work on it. What is your one thing?

Number 4: Developing a process awareness will set you apart. Instead of being broadsided by feedback, youll be able to put on your feedback hat and navigate the conversation in order to mine the jewels it contains. You will take control of the feedback conversation and the other person wont even know whats happening. 58

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Let feedback move your energy program forward!

Feedback doesnt have to be something you just sit back and take.

You can turn feedback around and let it work for you.

Turn life-sapping criticism into life-giving gold. Let feedback move your energy program forward!59

catalyst 2016: how to boost your energy program through negative feedback

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