Cathy Rein, LICSWSchool Adjustment Counselor

Hingham Public Schools

What’s the history?Hingham is ahead of the curve. We’ve had

multiple programs to encourage positive school community.Second Step curriculum – Grades K -3 and 6- 8Steps to Respect – Grades 3, 4, 5Responsive ClassroomSchool and Grade Level Presentations to

Support Positive Community FeelingBee Assemblies: Buzzing with Character

programsNew Student Luncheons and Welcome Boards

DefinitionsBullying – Not all conflict is bullying:Key elements:

Repeated use by one or more students of a written, verbal or electronic expression or physical act or gesture...directed at a victi

Causes physical or emotional harm to the victim or damage to victim’s property;

Creates a hostile environment at school for the victim;

Definitions continuedBullying

Infringes on the rights of the victim at school; or

Materially and substantially disrupts the education process or the orderly operation of a school…includes cyber bullying

Concept #1Bullying is different from a conflict or

quarrelCONFLICT -When kids quarrel, they

usually blame each other.BULLYING – Kids who are victims are

afraid of bullies. They’re afraid to blame or fight the bully.

Characteristics to look forPower differential

Targets = perceived low powerBullies = perceived high power

RepetitionMore than a one-time mean event

Concept #2Bullying today is different behavior from a generation or two ago

What’s changed?Who is a bullyWho they targetWhat they actually do

In the past…Bullies often weren’t popularVictims were usually easy prey

NOWBullies are often popularVictims may be pretty, popular, etc. – They

just perceive themselves to be vulnerable to bully.

Bullying is mainstream – happens everywhere, not hidden

Data supports dominance of psychological bullying in school as primary source.

What can parents do to help

Listen to your child:Affirm their feelings.Ask questions. (e.g. Tell me what happened,

who was around, where did it happen, how did you respond, what would help)

Assess – Try to determine what your child is looking for when telling you. What do they need from you to feel better.

Act – Consult with school. You can report anonymously or preferably directly.

Concept # 3

Gender differences in bullying and cyber bullyingBoys more often target non-friends, either boys

or girlsGirls more often target friends, primarily other

girlsBoys motive = joke/ being coolGirls motive = joke/ anger

Concept #4

What’s happening online? Big topic – separate presentationWe are just beginning to get data, but even

elementary school students are going online and can be cyber bullying

Technology teachers are implementing lessons at each grade regarding safe use of computers/ technology. Elementary school children should not be texting or have access to internet on phones.

Concept #5What are the frequencies, types and motives

of cyber bullying in Massachusetts?- Cyber bullies like anonymity and not seeing

the face of their victims.Boys primary reason – joke/ coolGirls primary reason – joke/cool or angryCyber bullies are likely to also be in-school

bullies

Concept #6

Why do we need a whole town approach?Kids experience many settings and feelings

spread from one to another – home, school, sports, community…

What to doIf it’s clearly bullying – gather information

from child and report to schoolIf your child won’t talk – encourage them,

show by your actions how to handle, stay calm

Child supports the “bully” – Don’t try to sit the two down – target may be afraid to confront.

Gray Zone BehaviorsStep 1: Always notice. Most importantStep 2: “Separate, don’t mediate”Step 3: Speak to the bully (if you have

access)Step 4: Follow up with victim later.Step 5: If it might be bullying – report to

school

What to say when you suspect bullying“I don’t like what I saw you do.” – set

acceptable standards for your family.“I don’t’ care if Ryan like it. I don’t like it and

I don’t want to see it again.” – don’t be persuaded that mean behavior is acceptable because ‘everyone’ is doing it, or they are just kidding.

Problem # 2: Getting Past the Snitching RuleThere is strong social pressure NOT to talk to

adultsYou can report anonymously, as long as you

understand that no disciplinary action can be taken solely on an anonymous report

We need to keep goal in mind : A climate where kids feel safe to talk to adults and are helped to cope with complex interactions.

Problem #3 How do you prevent problems before they start?A child under your supervision has been

known to have problems with bullying:Technique: The “Check –in” – briefly discuss

how things are going – show that you are paying attention, even while you are staying positive.

SummaryBullying isn’t the same thing as a quarrel.Bullying victims may not report to you or ask

for help. They may appear to support the bully.

Trust what you see and respond.Teach kids to talk about problems, problem-

solve.Check in frequently when kids visiting.

Resources:

MARC – Massachusetts Aggression Reduction Center

Committee for Children – Sponsor of Second Step and Steps to Respect curriculum

Parents and Schools TogetherImportant for kids to know that we work

collaboratively.We are not afraid of bullies.We can help them.Focus on helping each child.Schools may not be able to share what

disciplinary action is taken, but can talk about how to help your child.