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The Catism Times- monthly edition Newsletter two!

The Catism Times- Monthly Edition Newsletter Two. June 26, 2009

Dear Catolics,

With a long night ahead of me, baking a wedding cake (which takes 7 hours to bake and decorate) –FACT LEARNT FROM WATCHING MASTER CHEF IS CATERING, What up with that?- I learnt a life moral, when in need eat a seed. This derives from the Latin root of the Ancient Greek-Latians, they traditionally ate seeds from tulip or arrays of roses (though modern day roses are said to have no seeds but reproduce from cuttings –googled-) the Greeks ate the seeds as they believed it gave them new life and a small plant would bloom inside of them literally, yes I think they were most defiantly crazy. During the night Emma.Peardon (my co-chef) asked me why is there fabric hanging outside on the catering clothesline thing, I turned to face her and then burst into Aloe Vera dance and answered “The fabric flows through the winds as a bird flies through the sky” I did quote this so beautifully that Emma replied “YA mum” I began to freak out and worry about the cake as the royal icing kept ripping as I attempted to ice it, Then Emma-Cat tossed a seed and I once again burst out into Aloe Vera dance singing the lyrics ‘WHEN IN NEED.. EAT A SEED’. I think my story is such an inspiration for young and old Catolics to go by no matter if you joined this religion yesterday or when it was first created! The morals are clear when Emma.P is here(Emma-cat my co-chef resembling Catman <our god>) she acts as the seed of happiness and to do so you must devour the seed to be happy, arriving to true quote when in need of happiness, joy and calm eat a seed or a person who has positive attitude because by eating them (or devouring) you will be happy (please note: DO NOT actually eat the person just politely ask them to throw a seed at you) I hope you find yourselves well and ask you to keep MJ cat (Michael Jackson) in your heart as he passed away of a heart attack or cardio arrest (whatever works), I understand the hard time his and his cat family is going through so please honour our cat neighbour and pray he is in cateaven. You’re Pope Trumpy Fat-Cat (Catie cat, Kitty Catie Cat).

Truth of the story; Emma Peardon is a total babe cat.

Video of the Month- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q_udqEp_YR4 and

http://www.youtube.com/watch#!v=Q_bzB0qctnE&feature=channel



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q_udqEp_YR4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q_udqEp_YR4


Friend of the week!- Acknowledgements to my good friend Vincent Tomcat who will be visiting the diocese of Cathampton on the 10-15th of July, Tomcat grew up in a poor family forced to eat fattening IGA brand cat food it was this that inspired Tomcat to help poorer families of cats like his so he organised a charity shop called St. Vincent de Tomcat

which provides the essentials and helps many cats across the globe. Vincent Tomcat is someone we can all admire; He will be visiting Bundaberg on the 12th located at Angus and Robertson’s Hinkler Central for a book signing of his

new religious book The Cat’s Vatican from 11:00am-3:00pm, please do not be mislead by the picture/his name he is a kitten not a cat.

Important Notices-

-The word HolyCat is now a swear word is several countries these include: Neverland, Argentina, Narnia, New Hamsterdamm and Dangerous-Hotsoup.

-New members are automatically baptised no paperwork necessary but if you would so like the paperwork (as it’s awesome) feel free to ask. (forms at end of Newsletter)

-Mojo jojo is not a cat; he is a Buddhist mutated monkey Who fights the power puff girls. He really is an inspirational person as he has values that we can all relate to such as: Rad looks, peace, harmony, wit, laughter and wisdom in all whom he interacts with, however as he is not a cat, do not worship him, or you will be excommunicated.. Possibly called a heretic and suffer torcher etc.

-To finish off the Important Noticed today I’d like to thank all Catolic Members and let you know that suggestions for this religion are always open by simply emailing any ideas to [email protected] or contacting us at Catolic Headquarters a 24/7 phone line : 1800 Catmon. Notice it is not Catman but Catmon.(Please note: this email address and phone number are not real please do not try and contact them.)

mailto:[email protected]

Fat Kid?


NEWS UPDATE! Cat’s in the news: War on people who eat-

An issue a lot of Catolics feel strongly about is the constant downfall of cats being eaten by Fat people. Recently justice was served on the matter. Story below...“---Good Morning, and welcome to channel 19 news, I’m Ariel Bloom with the weather. Today controversy hit as the web was spammed with an image of fat kid harming an innocent cat. A source provided us with an exclusive copy of the image which has now been taken down by

most websites including Miley Cyrus’s YouTube account.

Many people are distraught by the image and a ninja team of highly equipped turtles has been sent out by President KRudd to find of whom hurt the cat. When asked to comment about the issue all Kevin had to say was "I mean it’s not its fault it’s bald. (y)” and was then rushed off for a conference on Global Warming, as a professor believes the movie: A day after tomorrow is coming to life.

A young witty girl named Caitlin Andersen came forward and presented the country with an idea of punishment for the fat child she stated "Well if a fat kid can do that to a cat I think the Chinese people should eat fat kids rather than

cats, I mean there’s so much more meat and fat." When the Chinese President was asked to comment about

Caitlin’s idea he replied "Atama wa kurio des." and showed great enthusiasm, Surprisingly he answered in Japanese rather than Chinese, Then was hit on the head with a piece of hail the size of a book.

Everyone seemed pleased with the idea except former President John Howard who had this to say: "The computer screen is the only light on in my new house so heaps of bugs are swarming at the computer in my house, not the white house though ‘cause I’m not in Washington!"

When the first plane of Fat-Australian children arrived on Chinese turf yesterday all the Chinese families were pleased and they immediately tended to the feast in an orderly manner, making the Australian children into soups, sushi and other fish products which now can be purchased overseas.

Caitlin also commented "This is a great step for both Australia and Chinese communities, I mean with obesity rates up this could really benefit Australia and with all the starving overpopulated Chinese people it’s a perfect plan." She also went on to say “I really wish I could stretch the cannibalism out to Japan imagine the whales we could save by replacing the whale products with fat children! They’re around the same size anyway” True Wisdom.


Watch out Kevin, Caitlin and her ideas are coming! So, gobble, gobble munch munch Thank-you cat god for fat kids for lunch. That’s the weather you’re up to date. ---“

24/6/09 By reporter ArielBloom©

Conclusion:NEWSLETTER :D ilyxoxo Wait no ily for STEPH, GEORGE, EMMA AND EMELYN Totally ate my muffin- NOT COOL

catism form below. Roars :D


Catism Membership form-

I ___________ _______________ agree to join and be a faithful member of the religion ___________ as (please insert reason why*) ________________________________________________________________.My Catolic name will be‘___________ the ___________ ___________’** I 100% will follow the three vows*** of ___________ and will read and follow the teachings of the ___________. I also will preach the values of ___________ to others. By the power vested in me (Pope Trumpy Fat Cat) by our God ___________ I now pronounce you Catolic.__*reason can be anything from it’s cool to because I want to become a cat** example of a name is Muffin The Fluffy Puffy or Mother Duck The Plucky Cat*** I. I shall respect my Cat Neighbour II. I will love Catman, Cat Pope and the Cat Mobile III. I forgot but there is a third vow.

__

WARNING: ANY INJURIES OR PROBLEMS CAUSED BY CATISM RELIGIOUSLY OR MENTALLY DO NOT GIVE YOU THE RIGHT TO SUE THE LEADER OR ORGANISATIONS LINKED TO THIS RELIGION. IF YOU DO GO TO HELL IN CONFLICT WITH YOUR OLD RELIGIONS WAY WE ARE SORRY BUT THIS IS A FAKE RELIGION AND MEANS REALLY NOTHING BE WARNED AND SIGN BELOW AT YOUR OWN RISK.

New Catolic-

_________________________ ____________________________ ___________Full Old name her Full Catism name here Initials

_____________ _________________________Date Signature

PopeaCat- ______________________ ___________ _____________ ___________________ Full Name Initials Date Signature

Welcome to Catism©--- “The Caitlin way of


ANSWERS: LINE ONE&TWO: YOUR NAME, LINE TWO: CATISM, LINE THREE: TO ASTERIKS ONE, LINE FOUR,FIVE & SIX: REFER TO ASTERIKS TWO, LINE SEVEN: CATISM, LINE EIGHT: THE BIBLE OF CATMAN OR THE CATBIBLE, LINE

NINE: VALUES OF CATISM/CATMAN, LINE TEN: CATMAN

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