CHANGE YOUR

MARRIAGE

The onus of making a better marriage is on

both spouses. The couple can change the

ways they have been handling their

marriage.

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About two weeks ago, I was speaking in a couple’s seminar on the topic of Resolving Conflicts in Marriage. After the session I asked the spouses to stand up and each couple to look at each other eyeball to eyeball for only one minute. Most of the couples could not finish the one minute without looking sideways.

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Secondly I asked them to hug each

other and hold tightly for one

minute. Some of the couples were

unable to complete the minute.

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Lastly I asked each spouse to

kiss his/her husband/wife. They

did it hurriedly but I insisted

that the kiss needs to take

longer. This was a new

experience to some couples.

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One husband later stood up to

thank me and said that he felt

so nice kissing his wife as the

last kiss he ever had with his

wife was on their wedding day.

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These aspects are just a few that we can do to change our marriages and make our marriages enjoyable. You can do things differently. Avoid the monotony of doing things the same way always. Yes you can change your marriage.

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THREE IMPORTANT ACTIONS TO TAKE

Here are the actions that

happily married couples

practice to maintain a healthy

relationship and bring changes

in their marriage:

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1. COMMUNICATE WITH EACH

OTHER

Happy couples communicate.

Outstanding communication helps

your marriage weather storms,

resolve issues, and stay

connected. It deepens intimacy,

creates playfulness and fills your

relationship with warmth.

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As couples hold open

conversations with each other,

the results are: Those

conversations will be filled with

warm, kind, love, caring and

supportive words?

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Each spouse wants to be

appreciated and normally this is

achieved through open

communication.

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Are your conversations

intimate, deep and personal?

Look for issues to talk about

that will bring intimacy in the

conversation. Intimacy is

marriage is key.

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When alone, do you and your

spouse talk and enjoy each

other’s company or is your time

together filled with silence?

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It is a common saying in Kenya that when you see a lady and a gentleman talking much in a vehicle, the conclusion is: That is not a husband and wife.

We can change our marriages by improving on our communication.

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If you’re struggling with trying

to establish healthy

communication, then please go

see a marriage counselor to get

talking again.

You can also learn some skills

on communication in marriage

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But if you are communicating well

already, then simply focus on

communicating better by doing

more of the good things that you

are already doing

Discuss issues and problems as

they arise.

Don’t hide your feelings.

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Don’t ignore conflict.

Don’t go to bed angry.

Don’t let the conflict worsen the

matters at hand.

Deal with problems while they are

small and easily manageable.

Communicate! Communicate!

Communicate!

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2. BE COMMITTED

Be committed and demonstrate

your commitment. Let your spouse

know how much he or she means

to you.

Share a meaningful “I love you”

with them.

Let them know how glad you are

that they are in your life.

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When was the last time you left a

loving card to brighten their day

either on the birthday or any other

times?

Such small acts are signs of

commitment.

Surprise your spouse with gifts.

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Commitment might sound simple but it is a huge task to be undertaken by both spouses.

Creating a safe environment for your spouse in which they feel loved and cared for goes a long way to ease the pressures of daily life; and it keeps you close to each other.

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Note: Never, ever threaten to

leave over little things; and be

careful about giving ultimatums

altogether.

Threats and ultimatums diminish

trust and once trust is eroded, it

is becomes too expensive to be

brought back. It takes a longer

time to be trusted again.

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3. COMPROMISEMarriage is about give-and-take. You cannot be rigid and expect change in your marriage.

Compromise is key to happy marriages.Compromise! Compromise!

Compromise! Don’t let your ego rule. Strive for

balance.

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Each of us has wants, hopes

and dreams, and both of us

should be allowed to pursue

them – and you should support

each other in the pursuit of

happiness.

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Love doesn’t seek to coerce, manipulate, or dominate. It gives, serves, and supports in an attitude of charity, warmth and kindness.

Happy couples who have marriages that last for a lifetime have learned the precious habit of compromise.

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Lets action and perfect our

marriages.

Communicate, express your

commitment, and be willing

and happy to compromise.

Do these three things for a happy

and long lasting marriage.

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Yes you can change your

marriage. Do something about

it instead of whining and

complaining.

All of us should look for ways

and means of changing our

marriages for the better. Yes we

can.

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