chapter 14: rebuilding: family life following divorce
TRANSCRIPT
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Chapter 14: Rebuilding: Family Life Following Divorce
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Aftermath of Divorce: Transitions• Binuclear Family• Separate households that form after separation or
divorce– Two subsystems• Maternal• Paternal
– Replace old patterns of interaction with new– Replace existing family boundaries with new ones
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Former Spouse Relationships• Perfect Pals–Divorced parents who remain friends–Children benefit from shared parenting
and decision making– Sometimes maintain extended family
relationships
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Former Spouse Relationships• Cooperative Colleagues–Not friends but able to cooperate–Work to keep conflicts at a minimum– Shared parenting becomes a priority–Will consult counselors to help children
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Former Spouse Relationships• Angry Associates–Anger is integral part of the relationship–Harbor feelings of resentment, bitterness–Children are caught in the middle of
parents’ battles– Effective parenting is not a goal for these
parents
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Former Spouse Relationships• Fiery Foes– Incapable of cooperating–Relationship is marked by litigation–Unable to remember anything positive
about the marriage–Blame each other for every problem
associated with the marriage
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Former Spouse Relationships• Dissolved Duos–Break off any contact–One partner just disappears–Mother left with the burdens of
reorganizing the family– In rare cases, non-custodial parent may
kidnap children
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How Divorce Affects Children and Adolescents• Externalizing difficulties• Children may exhibit the following: – Aggressive misbehaviors – Noncompliance – Disobedience – Delinquency – Increased absences from school– Increased aggressiveness
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How Divorce Affects Children and Adolescents• Internalizing Difficulties• Results in emotional problems such as:– Worry– Feelings of unhappiness– Anxiety– Depression– Distress– Guilt– Poor self concept– Less intimacy with parents
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How Divorce Affects Children and Adolescents• Cognitive Deficits and Academic Difficulties• Children who experience their parent’s
divorce have more difficulty in the classroom– Inability to concentrate in school– Negative effects on their ability to meet
scholastic expectations–May affect ability to interact with teachers
and peers
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Table 14.1: Children’s Reaction to Divorce by Developmental Stage
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Children’s and AdolescentsAdaptation• Interparental Conflict–Will account for more negative outcomes
in children• Separation from attachment figure–May trigger difficulties in interpersonal
relationships – friendships and love relationships
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Children’s and AdolescentsAdaptation
• Temporal influences–Passage of time may play a role in
children’s long-term adjustment–Child’s age at time of divorce affects
overall adjustment
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Figure 14.1: in the textbook is Custodial Mothers, by Race
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Relationship Between Custodial Parent and Child • Custodial Parents’ Behavior Changes– Less frequent display of affection–Ability to communicate declines– Parenting may be more negative, less
consistent– Children assume household responsibilities– Children exhibit greater independence
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Relationship Between Noncustodial Parent and Child
• Success or failure of relationship depends on – Frequency of visitation–Quality of interaction
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Relationship Between Noncustodial Parent and Child• Remarriage of parent–Children feel stress–Have to face more adjustments –Visitation may decrease
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Relationship Between Noncustodial Parent and Child• Family Economics– Economic hardship is post-divorce for
many families–Child support is rarely sufficient to meet
the living expenses of mother and children
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Co-Parenting in Binuclear Families• Factors Impacting Parenting post divorce–Parents’ education level– Income level– Time elapsed since divorce–Remarriage of on or both parents–Who initiated the divorce– The legal process of the divorce
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Father-Child Relationships Following Divorce• Children who experience a warm post-
divorce relationship with their fathers have–Higher self esteem– Fewer behavioral problems–Better social skills–Better cognitive skills–Better academic skills
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Father-Child Relationships Following Divorce• Noncustodial fathers tend to be–More permissive–A recreational, companion father– Less sensitive to children’s emotional needs– Less supportive in times of crisis and stress –Overwhelmed with the parenting role
especially with infants and pre-school children
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Father-Child Relationships Following Divorce• Overall, divorced fathers– Spend more time with sons than daughters– Are less involved with older children than younger
children– Are more involved with their first born than their
later born children– Stay involved with infants born prematurely– Stay involved with children with difficult
temperaments
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Father-Child Relationships Following Divorce• Ways in which mothers discourage children’s
contact with noncustodial fathers– Children not ready when father comes to pick
them up– Engage in conflicts at time of pick up– Criticize noncustodial father in front of
children– Increase geographical distance – Take fathers back and forth to court
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Challenges for Single Parents• Changes in Household Finances–A significant number of households with
children headed by mothers live in poverty• Changes in Residence– Because of changes in finance family no
longer able to live in pre-divorce home• Changes in Boundaries–Once shared parenting roles now are
covered independently by each parent
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Challenges for Single Parents• Changes in the emotional environment• Divorce hurts all parties involved• Mothers have to assume all authority and
responsibility• Fathers have difficulty managing the
emotional climate
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Challenges for Single Parents• Dating• Many newly single individuals rush into
dating–Dating fills void of loss of family–Dating helps return to normalcy–50% will remarry within three years
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Remarriage• Remarriage – when one or both of the
spouses have been previously married• Early remarriage – refers to early stages of
the new relationship• Stepfamily – newly merged family
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Remarriage• Middle remarriage: 3–5 years into the new
relationship, family becomes more cohesive
• Late remarriage: 6–10 years after the remarriage
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Remarriage Stability• 60% of remarriages end in divorce• Couples do not understand identity of step
family• There is a breakdown in commitment,
cohesion, and communication
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Step Families TodayBlended families – term used to soften
negative connotations of step family
1. Biological mother/stepfather2. Biological father/stepmother3. Complex stepfamily4. Joint biological-stepfamily
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Table 14.2: Types of Stepfamilies
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Table 14.3: The Ways that Stepfamilies and Nuclear Families Differ
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Children in Stepfamily Households• Siblings - share the same two biological parents• Stepsiblings - not biologically related but parents
are married to one another• Half-siblings - share one biological child• Mutual child - child is born to remarried couple• Residential stepchildren - live in remarried couples’
household majority of time• Nonresidential stepchildren - live in the household
less than half time
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Stepfamily Characteristics
• Loss of parent or partner–Adults grieve losses of partner, the marital
relationship, dreams, and those associated with new “everythings”–Children grieve losses of parent, stability,
parent’s accessibility, and fantasy family
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More Stepfamily Characteristics
• Children are members of two or more households• Family boundaries are ambiguous• Family roles are ambiguous• Disparity of individual, marital and family life cycles• Several loyalty conflicts• Society promotes widespread negative connotation
of stepfamilies• Experience more stress than nuclear families
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Stepfamily Challenges• Challenges for Adults– Financial difficulties– Establishing discipline–Bonding as a couple–Grieving past losses
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Stepfamily Challenges
• Challenges for Children– Loss of power and control–Guilt– Loyalty conflicts–Anger– Fear
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Successful Stepfamily Living• Key characteristics of families who
successfully adapt to the changes of divorce and remarriage–Develop realistic expectations–Allow time for mourning–Couples nurture a strong relationship–Accept that becoming a stepparent takes
time
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Successful Stepfamily Living
• Stepparents develop the role of disciplinarian
• Develop a stepfamily history• Work cooperatively with the absent parent