Chapter Six: Developing and Maintaining Relationships What is Interpersonal Communication? At least two people who are interdependent. Allows for mutual opportunities for both speaking and

listening. We must have knowledge of the other person’s

personal characteristics, qualities, and behaviors. Behaviors between both people have consistent

patterns and rituals: greetings, terms, actions. Interpersonal relationships develop over time. None of our interpersonal relationships are quite the

same. An interesting question is how are social networking

sites changing the nature of interpersonal relationships and communication?

The Importance of Interpersonal Relationships

People have THREE Interpersonal Needs: The Need for Inclusion and being involved with

others. The need for Affection and feelings toward others. The need for control and ability to influence others

and our environment.  Complementary Relationships: relationships in

which each person supplies something the other person lacks (an introvert and an extrovert).

Symmetrical Relationships: relationships in which participants mirror each other or are highly similar.

Self-Disclosure

Making intentional revelations about yourself that others would not be likely to know and would consider private and sensitive.

Why is self-disclosure important? Allows us to develop an understanding of

ourselves. Allows us to develop a more positive attitude

about ourselves. Allows us to develop more meaningful

relationships: they grow in depth and meaning. Can be used inappropriately too. Too much information, negative information,

too much too quickly.

What Factors Affect Appropriate Self-Disclosure?

Disclosure generally increases as relational intimacy increases.

Disclosure needs to be reciprocal: we need to share the same breadth and depth of information.

Disclosure may be avoided for a variety of reasons: self-protection, social context, culture, partner unresponsiveness.

Disclosure varies across cultures. Disclosure varies by gender. Females self-disclose more than males. Males disclose more negative information than do

females. Satisfaction is highest when self-disclosure is moderate.

The Importance of Friendships

Friendships change over time. The quality of friendships is affected by

psychological predispositions: attachment styles, maturity.

Friendship maintenance depends on the intent of the partners.

Friendships are not defined the same way in all cultures.

Stages in Interpersonal Relationships:

Relational Development: the process by which relationships grow.

Initiating: First impressions and finding common ground. Exploratory: Deciding to get serious; sharing “safe”

personal information. Intensification: involves active participation and mutual

concern. Stable: Mirroring each other’s behavior; shared interests

and values; integrate. Bonding: Exchange personal commitment to each other.  Relational Maintenance: establish strategies for keeping

the relationship together, stabilize a level of intimacy.

Stages in Interpersonal Relationships:

Relational Deterioration:  Differentiation: start emphasizing differences

rather than similarities. Circumscribing: decreased interaction and less

sharing. Stagnating: Lack of activity together; things are

done out of convenience. Avoiding: Reluctance to interact, avoidance and

perhaps hostility. Terminating: No longer see themselves as a

pair.

Motivations for Initiating Relationships Proximity: being close to people (work, school) leads to

Interpersonal relationships Attractiveness: the person’s physical attractiveness plus

their “social value”. Responsiveness: we select friends from people who show an

interest in us. Similarity: our friends like or dislike the same things we do. Complimentary: we sometimes bond with people whose

strengths are our weaknesses.   People often maintain their relationships for different

reasons that initially beginning them.  People that are most satisfied with their relationships tend to

work the hardest to maintain them (they may use the joint “we” rather than “I”).

Motivations for Terminating Relationships

Hurtful messages: can become a problem when they become a pattern.

Deceptive Communication. Aggressiveness: care about their own

needs at the expense of others. Argumentativeness: always combative. Defensiveness.

Developing a Unique Relationship Personal Idioms: unique forms of

expression or language only understood by the partners.

Rituals: actions or patterns the couple follow regularly.

Couple-time. Daily routines and tasks. Intimacy. Communication. Patterns and habits.

Behavioral Flexibility : the ability to alter behavior and adapt new situations.

You can act relaxed with friends but professional at a job interview.

Studies suggest those with stereotypically male and female traits are most successful in their interactions with others.

A flexible person can draw on a repertoire of behaviors, knows social context cues and when self-disclosure is appropriate.