Christopher K. Beachy and David M. Sever Department of Biology and Amphibian Growth Project, Minot State University, Minot, ND USA; and Department of Biology, Southeastern Louisiana University, Hammond, LA USA On the absence of a plethodontid from the northern Great Plains of Manitoba with comments on our description of a new species, Plethodon prairiensis sp. nov., that is based on no specimens or data For the past several years and JMIH conferences, the authors have been inebriated enough to recognize that a significant and ignored problem exists in plethodontid biogeography and systematics: the dot on Dunns (1926) map that must represent a northern Plains plethodontid. In casually perusing (i.e., barely reading) the literature (the preferred approach of DMS), we were not able to find any author that included this important taxon/locality in any way. Nor were we able to locate any museum specimens, locality records, nor any salamander biologist that knew about this spot. (Although CKB consulted with a really, really drunk guy in southern Manitoba who claimed to know exactly what we talking about.) So we went looking for this elusive plethodontid. After an exhausting and inebriating search, we are in an excellent condition to describe this difficult to find plethodontid. Here we describe the non-existent holotype, the equally non- existent paratypes, and the equally non-existent paratopotypes (whatever those are). INTRODUCTION Our image of the new species: were pretty sure that P. prairiensis has four limbs; head present; hands have four digits; feet have either four or five digits (inconclusive); dorsal pigmentation probably mottled except during winter (i.e., September to June) when this species may be white. Size range: inconclusive, but size may be quite small which would explain why it has never been found; nasolabial groove present; no larva; lungless. NOTE: no specimens have yet been found. (Scale bar [only hypothesized] indicates a possible explanation for no collections: P. prairiensis is too tiny to be collected with traditional tools.) 0.5 m RESULTS: Description of new species, Plethodon prairiensis A B Fig. 1. This is taken from page 2 of E.R. Dunns 1926 monograph The Salamanders of the Family Plethodontidae. The locality of interest is circled in both A and B. The blotch on this map is not a lake. B is the region of interest from A. What the hell is this??? One this his poster we describe our excellent search protocols, our data collection methods, describe a new species of plethodontid that doesnt exist, and discuss what this exciting find means for the study of plethodontid biology. METHODS AND PROTOCOLS RESULTS: Biogeographic implications Mueller et al., 2004 Chippindale et al., 2004 Our phylogenetic analyses have P. prairiensis falling out somewhere about here. RESULTS: Phylogenetic implications However, we suggest that P. prairiensis is basal to all other plethodontids. This suggests a major change in perspective on many standard plethodontid views, e.g., Ruben and Boucot and Reagan and Verrell would find this view satisfying. Note that research project based on no evidence or logic at all is the only thing that supports their views. ACKNOWLEDGMENTS: Beachy would like to thank his chair, C.P. Keller, for supporting the pursuit of this work. Sever would also like to thank his chair, D.M. Sever, for supporting this work. This work was initiating during a weekend seminar/furlough to New Orleans during Mardi Gras The ideas in this research were heavily influenced by Turbodog beer, Comeauxs corner Bloody Marys, and free beads. The biogeographic importance of this discovery is huge. It indicates that the ancestral plethodontid home is the northern Plains of North America. This makes the discovery of Karsenia more palatable, and lessons that likelihood that a gravid Plethodon cinereus got bored of life in middle Ohio and hopped a flight to Asia in anticipation of the Beijing Olympics. Because P. prairiensis is basal to all other plethodontids, then the first plethondontid was likely to be terrestrial, very agrarian, very stoic, and enjoyed listening to Prairie Home Companion. All in all, a pretty dull existence. No wonder about the eventual migrations to East Coast, West Coast, Middle and South America and the Mediterranean. Special thanks to the Great Jay Savage who helped us flip rocks and logs in the French Quarter, New Orleans as an adequate control condition for species absence. First we tried standard rock and log flipping. No plethodontids. Next, we tried some aquatic sampling. No plethodontids. Finally, we tried using drift fence technology. No plethodontids. Salamanders, but no plethodontids. So we decided to use the drift fences in other amphibian biomonitoring programs. Our sampling efforts usually ended (okay began) like this And this Vietes et al., 2008