clergy etiquette

7/28/2019 Clergy Etiquette

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GOOD MANNERS AND ETIQUETTEfor the Reverend Clergy

Extracts from:

Social manual for seminarians"

Casey and Gainor may be names which some day will have the name significance for

clergy as Emily Post and Amy Vanderbilt have for the layman. Here is the etiquette bo

for the Roman collar. Unfortunately the label ""for the seminarian"" may deter ordaine

priests from picking it up. Yet there is overwhelming evidence that many priests could

use such a manual. Aware that seminarians are heavily engaged in studies under

seminary discipline -- at a time when a young man would normally be acquiring the

social graces which distinguish the gentleman -- the authors offer this handbook for thconsultation and, they hope, application. Thoroughly, Fathers Casey and Gainor cover

personal habits, clothing, posture and carriage, conversation, table manners, smoking,

eating, tipping, sports, when ladies are present, automobiles, telephone usage,

correspondence and introductions. They offer their advice simply and clearly. In their

own unique way the authors may well have accelerated the trend toward unity of the

Church on the parish level by increasing the capacity of the clergy to communicate as

gentlemen with lay people of all faiths.

I am motivated to give you a snippet of the Social Manual for Seminarians by Rev.

Thomas Casey and Rev. Leo Gainor, O.P. It can be purchased, though I don't think it c

be found easily, nor cheaply.


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Now, we ought to contextualize this, a bit. It was written in the 1950s/60s, when our

culture was much different in some significant ways (as will be evidenced by the snipp

below). Nonetheless, there are some parts (some quite important parts) which are very

valid yet today. For now, though, perhaps one on the funnier side of things.

Telephone Usage

The use of the telephone for incoming and outgoing messages is strictly limited in all

seminaries, major and minor.

Each institution has its own rules to fit its particular circumstances, but generally, the

seminarian can receive only emergency incoming calls. Outgoing messages are limited

to certain times and usually from a pay station or booth telephone.

The proper procedure for you to follow is to respect the regulations of your particularseminary; to obtain the required permission' to limit your calls as to number, times, an

duration.

This limited use of the telephone itself, however, should not affect your knowledge an

practice of the accepted code of telephone behavior. Indeed the very fact that your actu

usage of the telephone will be so limited during your seminary days becomes an

important reason for you to learn and to put into practice the fundamental requirement

of proper telephone etiquette. You may have many more opportunities to practice thes

conventions during your vacation periods, at home, at work, at recreation, than you ha

at the seminary.

In many seminaries the students act as switchboard operators for the telephone

equipment. If you are one of these, the following comments are of vital importance to

you in fulfilling your duties properly and courteously.

You, however, should familiarize yourself with the rules whether you are called on to

operate a switchboard or not. The day will come all too soon when you will have toexercise these courtesies in a very definite manner in your priestly assignment.

Table Manners

When eating, the idea is to do it neatly, quietly, and all but incidentally. If anything


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bothers you about table manners, put the question to these three tests. If the technique

makes a mess, (2) makes a noise, (3) calls attention to the fact that you are determined

stuff yourself, its bad manners.

A fourth general "don't" assumes equal importance: dont be prissy. Dont cock your

little finger or pat-pat your pursed mouth daintily with your napkin.

The way you eat is a matter of habit. If your unconscious eating habits are unattractive

even your best friend (or closest classmate) wont tell you.

But you can tell; watch yourself for these signs of the scourges of the dining table. But

also read carefully for the correct eating habits.

Horrible Examples

I. The Slob

He ties his napkin around his neck or tucks it into his vest. The napkin belongs o

your lap during a meal, as stated in the preceding chapter.

Do not permit overseas students or pretentious epicureans to impress you by citin

how the napkin is used in London, Paris, and Rome. The simple and inflexible rufor you in the U. S. A. is the napkin on your lap!

He leaves a sample of every course on the rim of his drinking glass. He sins on tw

counts; he drinks when his mouth is not empty, and he neglects to use his napkin

before using the glass.

He makes every mouthful a full course meal in miniature (and not so miniature a

that). Instead, of course, he should take small bites, chewing and swallowing eac

bite before he takes the next.


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He should keep separate foods separate on his plate, if thats the way they were

intended. Sauces and gravies may be poured directly onto the food for which the

were intended, but jellies, condiments, and all other accessories should be put on

the plate in virgin state, only then to be spread on the bread or forked onto meat i

bite-sized portions.

He forms a bridge from table to plate with his knife and fork when they are not in

use with handles on cloth, working ends propped on plate. Beware of this fau

As stated before (in the preceding chapter) nothing will betray your lack of socia

grace so quickly as this faux pas. Place your knife and fork flat on the plate when

they are not on active duty.

He spits out anything he doesn't like. You don't have to eat the inedible, of coursand if you must remove something from your mouth, first be sure that it bears no

resemblance to regurgitated food, then grasp and remove it with your fingers

that's the quickest way. Correctly you could take it out with the same spoon or fo

it went in on, but this maneuver is too acrobatic for grace in most instances, and

runs dangerously close to spitting. Actually you can cut out bones and stones

before they get into your mouth. And you can manfully swallow something that

offends your palate.

He breaks saltines into his soup! As a rule if a cracker is meant to go into the sou

it is meant to go in whole. But put oyster crackers first on your butter plate or on

the cloth, then drop them into your soup, whole, a few at a time. Croutons are

spooned directly into the soup. Saltines are place on your butter plate and are

munched between spoonfuls of soup.

Remember, never break saltines into the soup. No other table fault will catalogue

your cultural status quicker than this one breach of convention. If you have alrea

acquired this gauche trait "break it" at once before it "turn state evidence" on you


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He eats messy things with his fingers. The best way to decide when to pick food

with your fingers is to decide in advance whether you can do it neatly. Picnics ar

something else again, of course, and some foods like lobsters are messy whateve

your modus operandi, but with neatness as your guide you can't go far wrong. Th

neatness guide works both ways: it's neater to pick up an ear of corn than to watc

it skitter across the plate as you try to cut it; it is neater to leave the hard stalk of

asparagus if you can't cut it with a fork as you did the tips. And if an approach by

hand seems indicated, as with a sandwich or a piece of fresh fruit, it is neater to c

it into manageable sections before you pick it up.

He puts soiled silver on the table. He spoons coffee from cup into mouth, or leav

the spoon in the cup. He does the dishwashing or silver polishing at the table. If t

implement is really not clean, ignore it as you would a hair in your soup. (In arestaurant, of course, you may ask for another fork or send the soup back.)

He puts his mouth into the food instead of the food into his mouth. You shouldn

meet your food even halfway. You bring it up to your erect head' you don't duck

down to meet it coming up. He shoves spaghetti into his mouth with loose ends

dangling instead of rolling it on his fork.

He talks with his mouth full; gesticulates and point with his eating tools; blows o

his food, instead of waiting quietly for it to cool enough to eat; he dunks his toas

or rolls into his coffee.

He cleans his teeth at table with toothpick or fingernail; by sucking at them or

by running his tongue around his teeth, with grimaces.

Table Manners


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II. The Racketeer

He chews with his mouth open, making no attempt to muffle the noise (or concea

the sight) of his cement-mixer mastication. He clanks silver on silver, or silver on

plate.

He stirs his coffee fiendishly, like a witch standing over a boiling cauldron, and

every revolution of the spoon sets up a racket. When he puts his knife and fork

down, you wonder that the force does not smash the plate. He winds up by scrap

his plate with his fork. And if he's the "helpful" as well as the noisy type, his fina

sin against the eardrums is to stack his dishes, crashingly.

He slurps his soup. Suction is superfluous - just put the side of the spoon in yourmouth and sip quietly.

He drums on the table, or cracks his knuckles, or chews on the ice from his wate

glass, or otherwise sounds off between noisy bites.

He pushes away from the table and dinner's end, with both hands shoving agains

the table edge and the chair screeching across the floor. Instead you should reachdown and lift the chair back as you rise slightly.

For Priests

The book,Directorium Sacerdotale, A GUIDE FOR PRIESTS in their Public andPrivate Life, was written by F. Benedict Valuy, S.J. in 1898, and thoroughly revised

in1907.1 It is a very long but true treatise of guidelines for priests. One topic, etiquett

for priests, is preserved in 48 pages in this book. Rev. Valuy is quite eloquent in his

writings, however, for your time considerations, here are his offerings in very

abbreviated form.

1Fifth Edition, thoroughly revised, M. H. Gill and Son, Ltd. 1907; Imprimatur, Nihil Obstat, Dublini, 1898.


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HINTS ON ETIQUETTE

As the rules of good breeding are fundamentally the laws of unselfishness, respe

for others, humility, and other Christian virtues, a Priest should observe them no less

when he is alone, than when he is with one or two companions, or even in public.

Punctuality, especially in public duties, in Church, and at meal times, should be

closely attended to. Neglect of it shows absence of mind, if not selfishness and

want of consideration for others.

It is well to keep the cassock buttoned throughout its length; a practice which

belongs to the modesty that befits a priest.2

A remnant of the roughness contracted in our College days may often be found in

the very objectionable custom of slamming doors. A door should always be shutgently, and with the handle.

A blameworthy habit, and one apparently most difficult to cure when once

contracted, is that of bringing to task other Priests. This should never be done

unless upon matters which appertain to jurisdiction as a Superior.

To correct persons for false quantities, bad English, faults of grammar, and the li

shows want of politeness.

The habit of gesticulating much when conversing though excusable in places wh

it is not singular, is ridiculous in England. Amongst us, those who gesticulate

violently are considered wanting in self-control.

A habit that may easily become ridiculous, is that of constantly emphasising wor

while speaking, by nodding the head.

To engross the conversation is as selfish in its way as not to allow elbow-room to

neighbour.

2The accusation which some Protestants brought against Bossuet, because he assisted at Mass with his cass

only partially buttoned, is answered by him in hisAdvertissements aux Protestants.


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When conversing with others, care should be taken not to address the conversatio

to one only, and each one should be looked at in turn. But if one of the company

be of much higher position than the rest, the eye may be fixed upon him more th

upon the others.

Opinions should not be given dogmatically, even upon an indifferent subject, suc

as architecture, music, painting, literature, &c., unless a good motive prompts to statement of what we think. The reason is, that everyone has a right to his own

opinion, and it is overbearing to run counter to the feelings and ideas of others,

unless for some real need.

To cross the hands habitually behind the back has always been looked upon as

opposed to Ecclesiastical decorum.3 Other more manifest breaches of decorum a

to carry the hands in the pockets, or the thumbs in the arm-holes of the waistcoat

Those Ecclesiastics who wish to be very exact in observing the rules of decorum

will not, without necessity, take more than one step at a time when going up stair

To mimic, or in any way to act the buffoon, does not belong to the priestly

character. Even in lay people this is sometimes the sign of a light mind, sometim

even of a proud heart; nearly always it makes people fear us. Father Faber remar

that the very few witty sayings about others are quite free from uncharitableness

Expressions that favour of vulgarityslang terms, low proverbs, and stale jokesshould be avoided by all, as giving indication of an empty or ill-regulated mind.

In conversation many subjects are mooted, so that all may have matter in which

they are interested; none are exhausted, in order that conversation may not

degenerate into discussion.

When conversing with others, the whole attention should be given to what is said

It is rude to look about, to yawn, to consult the watch, to play with any object, topull about the hat, watch-guard, &c. These and similar actions may suggest that

we are being wearied with the conversation; and frequently give great offence.

It is also admittedly against all decorum to read, or otherwise seriously

3We see from his Diary, that the Blessed John Berchmanns had made a resolution never to place his hands

that position.


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occupy ourselves, when anyone is speaking to us.

To interrupt anyone who is speaking, in the middle of a sentence, is no le

rude in its way than to stand before a person who is walking, and thus to

impede his progress.

The hands should not be allowed to pick the head, ears, or nose: and toavoid giving the impression that we are doing this, we should never put t

fingers to them unnecessarily.

A not less pardonable offence in society is to scratch the body.

If unavoidably compelled to spit, the saliva or phlegm should be wiped

gently from the mouth, and never shot into the outspread handkerchief. I

England, spitting into the fireplace, out of the window, or, indeed,

anywhere except the handkerchief, is not tolerated; and this last only in

cases of necessity.

To walk too quicklyto take long stridesto turn up the toes and plant the

heels noisily on the groundare bad habits, and to be sedulously correcte

Whether sitting or standing, one should not pace his feet too far asunder.

Washing should be frequent. We wash not so much to become clean as t

remain clean.

The hands and nails should be kept scrupulously clean. Respect of the

Blessed Sacrament, and consideration for those receiving Holy

Communion from us, should make us attend to this. But it is vulgar to

clean the nails, or to pare them, when in company.

A very disagreeable habit, which some consider unconsciously tothemselvesis that of sniffing, or breathing hard through the nostrils.

Another nervous and objectionable usage, of which persons are not alway

conscious, is that of shaking the table at which they are sitting with their

leg. The legs and feet should be kept still when we are seated near others


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We should avoid the bad habit of wetting the finger before turning over t

leaves of a book.

To lean the arms upon a book, to put upon it the paper on which we are

writing, to lay heavy objects upon it, &c., are bad habits and ruinous to

books.

No one who appreciates the value of a book will mark the place in it by

turning down the edge or corner of a page. If not his own, nothing can

justify such a practice.

The management of the aspirates is of much importance: the more so as

Priests are obliged to speak in public with more frequency than others.

It is very annoying to be near persons who are constantly clearing theirthroat. This habit is frequently nothing more than a trick, and the throat

would be much stronger if left in quiet. But if it be necessary to make so

unpleasant a noise, this should be lessened as much as possible by putting

the hand before the mouth.

Politeness requires that, when visitors with whom we are not intimate ent

the room, we should arise from the chair to welcome them. It is still mor

polite to advance and meet them, and the compliment is the greater in

proportion to the distance traversed.

Visitors and Priests, even respectable tradesmen who come on business,

should be offered a chair. If they prefer to stand, good breeding does not

require that we should take the same position.

Persons of dignity may politely be met at the door, or at the foot of the

staircase; and it may be more courteous to follow than to precede them to

the room of reception.

On parting, visitors may be accompanied to the door of the room; or, bett

still, to the head of the staircase. If the visitor be a person of dignity he i

accompanied, on the Continent, to the door of the house, nor is the door s

until he has begun to move away. If he have come in his carriage, it is

considered polite to remain at the door until he is seated, when another bo


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is made.

When walking up and down with a companion in any combined space, so

to be obliged to turn every now and then, each should avoid turning the

back to the other.

To loll or sprawl upon a chairto sit across itto tilt it back with danger obreaking itto cross the legs in the company of ladies, or of persons with

whom we are not familiar, or who are entitled to particular respectto pu

the feet upon the bars of the chairare faults against manners.

When standing with the head uncovered before persons whose position

suggests this mark of respect, it is proper, even if invited to put on the ha

to remain with the head bare. But if presses to cover the head, submissio

should be yielded at once.

To give introductions requires tact. Priests naturally associate with all, a

look upon all as equal in the sight of God. But careful consideration shou

be had of the respective classes to which people belong.

On occasions when it is manifestly prudent to introduce two persons to

each other, the inferior is always presented to the superior, and the

gentleman to the lady. The form to be used is simply to pronounce the

name of each: Mr. A. allow me to introduce Mr. B. If several are to beintroduced to one, the names of all introduced are pronounced in

succession, as each one has finished bowing.

In introducing two persons you precede the inferior in rank, leading him

the one to whom the pronunciation is to be given. When in the presence

each other, you say to the superior, Allow me to introduce Mr. So-and-

so. This is said even when permission has been already obtained. The

person addressed bows to the one introduced, who also bows at the sametime, while the introducer repeats their names in order of rank.

As a general rule, an introduction is not followed by a shaking of hands,

but only by a bow. In case of doubt, the more public the place, the less


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reason there is for shaking hands. Where an introduction, however, is

particular, and meant immediately to lead to friendship, the superior

should at once proffer his hand.

When shaking hands with anyone, we should avoid squeezing his hand a

if in a vice; or the opposite fault of merely placing our own hand in that o

the other person, as though our arm were paralyzed. It is rude to give the

left hand, or to present only the tips of the fingers: still more to offer one

or two fingers only.4

It is the custom in England for Priests to shake hands with ladies, as with

other persons. But people of sense will know what is meant if a Priest

abstain from offering his hand. The old feudal practice of removing the

glove is now obsolete.

To hold persons by the coat or button-holeto stand so close to them thatthey feel our breathto poke them in the ribs at the denouement of a joke

&c., is offensive, even between intimate friends.

Visiting, &c.

Priests may wisely remember Lord Lyttons well-known saying, that, A

gentlemans coat should not fit too well.

The ceremony of leaving cards upon persons at whose house we may hav

dined is not rigidly extracted from Priests whose time is known to be mu

occupied.

Although a Priest is not bound by all the ceremony used by the world in

returning visits, it is well to call, at least if passing the house, on those

persons who have visited us. In cases where such calls may be consideremore or less necessary, eight days is the utmost limit allowed for delayin

the fulfillment of the obligation . The compliment paid by the call is in

proportion to the trouble taken in paying it quickly.

4In France, where hand shaking is limited to particular friends, the left hand is often given, being supposed

be nearer the heartla main du caeur. This is one of the many instances of a vulgarity in one nation being a politen

in another.


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A priest should never carry glazed cards. They are not used now by

gentlemen. All other affectation should be avoided, such as, autographic

facsimiles, gothic character, &c.

A card left at a house for a farewell visit may have P. P.C. (pour prendre

conge), or P. D. A. (pour dire adieu), written in ink or pencil, in one

corner.

To knock loud and long at a door belongs to a footman; to knock loud an

quickly, to a postman. A gentlemen knocks long enough and loud enoug

to be heard, and no more. The bell, too, should not be pulled with

unnecessary violence.

Civility demands that things which have an offensive smell for some

personsonions, for example, or tobaccoshould not be taken shortly

before going into company, or to the Confessional.

Visits should not be paid in very wet weather on foot, unless by goloshes

we can prevent the danger of soiling the floors and carpets. But even if

this precaution has been observed, it is rude to enter a drawing-room with

damp clothes.

It is the modern custom to take the hat upstairs, when paying a morning

call. It may be kept in the hand, if the visit is only for a few moments, ormay be deposited on the floor ? close to the chair, but not on any article o

furniture.5 The umbrella goloshes, cloak, cape, or heavy overcoat, shoul

be left in the hall. A small walking stick may be taken upstairs, but in th

case, it must be kept in the hand.

A letter of introduction should be sent with a card, by the servant of the

person whom we visit, not delivered when in the presence of the person t

whom it is addressed.

Visits should not be paid too early or too late. Some ladies do not wish t

receive anyone before midday. Married ladies are frequently, seeing to t

dinner of their children, at one oclock. This hour too is a common one f

5It is considered by some authorities especially rude to put the hat upon a sofa, or on the bed in a sick room


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luncheon time, when visitors are not expected. When the dinner hour is

approaching, people are engaged in dressing. Besides which, to call at

meal-times might look like seeking an invitation. Between three and five

may be said to be the hours when the majority of people are most free.6

No bore is more detested and dreaded than the man who will come in

and sit in your drawing-room for an hour or two, preventing your goingout and others coming in. An ordinary visit should not be prolonged

beyond half an hour.

On entering or leaving the room of anyone, we should always shut the

door, unless it was open when we entered. In this case we may presume

that the person visited may wish it to remain open.

A well-bred man will never sit down before the lady of the house is seate

and, unless asked to do so, will not seat himself until the master of the

house or the chief persons present are seated.

On the Continent the hat is removed on entering and leaving a railway

carriage or any public meeting room. The custom is making its way in

England.

General salutations of the company when entering a room in a private

house are wholly disused in England. In society nowadays personsrecognise none but their own friends and acquaintances. If a Priest,

however, find himself a total stranger in a large company, to which a

common invitation has been given, he may look upon this as a guarantee

that all present may know one another, and thus may proceed to converse

with those nearest to him, without waiting for any further introduction.

Religion, politics, and other exciting subjects should not be introduced in

general conversation. All public controversy defeats its own end, aspersons will not listen to reason when they are aiming at obtaining the

victory in an argument.

When paying visits, it is easy to give much offense by introducing matter

6If a visit of real business and not of mere ceremony be intended, it is well to write a letter beforehand, aski

for an interview.


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of a private nature into ordinary conversation. Thus, before asking

whether the husband attends to his religious duties, it is well to reflect for

moment, first, whether the question will do more good than harm;

secondly, whether a more suitable moment may not be found for asking i

When conversing with persons in the street, or in any public place, the

voice should be so pitched as to prevent the conversation being heard byothers. On no account, also, should the attention of anyone be called by

shouting to him from a distance.

The full title of persons is not given in conversation. To speak of Lord

and-so as the Earl of So-and-so might convey the impression that the

person mentioning the name was glorying in knowing an Earl, or was tel

others that the nobleman has that title.

Persons of rank should be addressed by their title once or twice only in a

conversation. To be constantly repeating My Lord, Your Grace, &c

the practice of servants, and should be confined to them.

The bad taste of toadying to the rich and titled, is only equalled by that of

speaking against the higher and wealthier classes of society in globo.

We should avoid speaking to others, exclusively at least, about their own

profession. To do this might give the idea that we imagine them to beignorant of other subjects. With moderation, however, persons will feel

themselves complimented by being consulted upon matters in which they

are well versed.

It is against good feeling and good breeding to notice the deformities of

those in whose company we may be thrownto ask whence such deformi

aroseto speak of madness in families where there is a relative afflicted w

that visitation, &c.

When obliged to ask the way to some place, we should always remember

thank the person who has given, or has been willing to give, information.

It is considered rude to pass those who are in front of us, when many

together are walking towards some object of interest. To go quicker than


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the rest conveys the idea of rushing to get the best place.

In passing through a gate it is well to go before a lady, in order to hold it

open until she has passed through. In like manner, to take precedence of

lady in a crowd, to clear the way for her. As a general rule, of course, it

polite to let others take precedence.

Should any one, to whom much deference is due, request us to pass first

through a door or into a carriage, it is often more polite to bow and obey,

than to decline and keep the person waiting. An anecdote is told by Geor

IV. admiring the good breeding of one who, being invited to do so, took

precedence of him when he was Prince of Wales.

When walking with one other person of equal rank, it is polite to let him

take the right hand: when with two, we should yield the centre place.

The rule of driving does not apply to persons on foot. In walking, a simp

rule may be: Always keep to the right, when about to pass those who are

approaching. The exception is, where you consult the convenience of a

person, a lady especially, to whom you wish to leave the wall.

As a rule, ladies should not be detained in conversation in the streets by

Ecclesiastics. If, however, there be some reason for staying to speak to

them, we should not keep them standing nor make them accompany us, bshould walk, for a few yards, the way that they were going, until the

business has been disposed of.

Gentlemen travelling with ladies leave the carriage first, to give them mo

room, and to assist them to alight.

On the continent, it should be remembered, ladies do not shake hands wi

gentlemen, unless under circumstances of great intimacy. The question oshaking hands with Priests is scarcely even entertained.

On leaving the room, good manners are shown by reaching the door with

turning the back upon the persons visited.

It is acknowledged that to point with the finger to persons or things is not


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proper. There is less harm, on occasion, in pointing with the whole hand

Pointing with the thumb over the shoulder need not be mentioned here.

When walking in a public place, names of persons should not be mention

in a loud tone of voice.

In bowing to persons in the street, the head is inclinednot nodded, unleswe are intimate with themand the body is not bent.

When saluted by persons, however, low in rank, unless they are begging,

should return the salute. One of our kings who was remonstrated with

because he took off his hat to a labourer, is said to have remarked that he

would never allow anyone to be more gentlemanly than himself.

If while walking up and down a public promenade, friends or acquaintan

be met whom it is not intended to join, it is only necessary to salute them

the first time of passing.

When walking with one who meets and salutes some friend unknown to u

etiquette permits us to remove the hat at the same time as our companion

removes his own.

In saluting, the hand which is furthest from the person to whom we bow

the one with which the hat is removed. Otherwise, the arm interposed

would prevent the two seeing one another.

When bowing to others in the street, the hat is more politely removed from the

head, than merely touched with the hand. To touch it only might look like the

action of a groom or valet. It is sufficient to lift it slightly and then immediately

replace it.

On coming close to persons with whom we intend to shake hands the hat may beremoved, or slightly lifted, with the left hand, so as to leave the right hand free.

Although persons introduced to each other do not shake hands at once (in the

street they uncover the head, in the house they move to each other) at parting the

hand should be shaken.


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In company no one ought to whisper to his neighbour. On the same principle it is

forbidden to talk only to one person, or upon a subject which none but a small

minority can understand. Hence, to speak with a friend about old college days,

and continue long upon this subject, should be avoided.

When a visitor enters, and the conversation which was being carried is resumed,

he should be informed briefly of the subject.

As soon as a visitor enters the room of anyone whom we are visiting, we should

do well to rise and take our leave, unless unmistakably pressed to remain.

Some persons express such marked admiration of things shown to them, as to do a

kind of moral violence to the owner to make a present of them.

Habitual punning, at least in company of strangers, is wisely avoided by a priest.This kind of wit soon wearies some, and is never pleasing to others. Besides

which, it is misunderstood by many, who think it the sign of a light mind.

the rule touch not should be kept in mind when visiting. In almost every house

there are some articles which cannot be handled without danger of injuring them,

or which, as a little reflection will show, are not meant to be handled by every

visitor.

No one who pays attention to the requirements of civility will ever stand before

the fire, excluding others; much less with his coat-tails pulled aside: nor will he

put his feet upon the hob or fender, or poke a strangers fire unless asked.

On making inquiries after others, it is rude to ask persons of the better class how

the wife or husband is: We should say, How is Mrs. A.? or, How is Mrs. B.?

A LIST OF DON'TS


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REGARDING THE CELEBRATION OF

HOLY MASS

dapted from the list complied by Fr. Flynn in theAustralasian Catholic Record

July 1928 for use by members of the Society of St. Pius X

1. Don't forget the proper preparation in the church or sacristy, and don't be heedless

of the scandal given by neglect of this.

2. Don't be wanting in reverence in the sacristy, treating it as if it were not a sacred

place, to the great detriment of the altar boys and others who may be there.

3. Don't chat in the sacristy before Mass or while vesting.

4. Don't wash the hands at the wrong time, i.e.., before marking the Missal, or after

arranging the chalice, or after vesting.

5. Don't get another to prepare the chalice ; or at least don't fail to see that it is

properly prepared.

6. Don't place biretta, book, spectacles or handkerchief on the chalice.

7. Don't carry the corporal to the altar over or under instead of in the burse.

8. Don't make the sign of the cross while holding the amice in the right hand; don't

put the amice round the neck without resting it on the head first.

9. Don't put the left arm first into the sleeve of the alb.

10. Don't cross the left part of the stole over the right.

11. Don't add Amen to each of the vesting prayers. It comes after the last only.

12. Don't omit turning down the stole at the back of the neck so that the cross on

it is concealed by the chasuble. Don't throw the stole loose over the shoulders

instead of arranging it round the neck.


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13. Don't put the maniple round or above the elbow instead of allowing it to

hang from the forearm.

14. Don't kiss the alb or the chasuble before taking these vestments.

15. Don't forget that the vesting prayers and some prayers of the Mass should be

said from memory.

16. Don't wander about the sacristy with the vestments on, before or after Mass.

17. Don't go to the altar not wearing the biretta, (where it is the custom).

18. Don't take the biretta off to make a bow or a single genuflection while

carrying the chalice.

19. Don't make reverences to statues or side-altars on the way to say Mass.

20. Don't carry the chalice too high or too low or move it to and fro with the

awkward oscillations of the body, or carry it with the left hand alone instead of

holding the chalice breast-high, with the right hand resting on the burse.

21. Don't walk to the altar at too quick or too slow a pace or take too long a step

or walk with head tossed back and eyes aloft instead ofincessit gravi oculis

dimissis.

22. Don't, on arrival at the Blessed Sacrament altar, genuflect on the step insteadofin plano, nor bow the head when genuflecting. Don't forget to make a profound

bow of the body on arrival at an altar where the Blessed Sacrament is not reserved

23. Don't, after taking out the corporal, put the burse aside with the left hand

instead of with the right. Don't direct the server to open the Missal or to close it.

24. Don't omit to unfold the corporal fully at the beginning of Mass.

25. Don't sidle along when going from the centre to the side of the altar, or viceversa, instead of facing squarely the place to be reached.

26. Don't delay at the centre of the altar, looking at the cross or praying before

coming down to start the Mass.


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27. Don't, when descending, turn right about at the centre of the altar instead of

withdrawing a little to the gospel side and descending in an oblique line, thus

avoiding turning the back directly to the cross.

28. Don't exhibit a frivolous and restless deportment, rubbing eyes, adjusting

glasses, titivating the hair, examining the finger nails, etc.., etc.., instead of the

grave, recollected and self-controlled exterior demanded at so holy a function.

29. Don't when hands are supposed to be joined, join only the tips of the fingers,

or join only the index fingers and entwine the others, or hold them joined below

the waist and pointing downwards, instead of joining them before the breast, palm

to palm, with fingers extended and joined, with right thumb crossed over the left,

the joined hands being directed somewhat upwards, say half-way between the

horizontal and vertical.

30. When making the sign of the cross on oneself, don't make great ostentatious

circles going beyond the shoulders, or not touching forehead, breast or shoulders.

31. Don't forget the distinction between profound, medium and simple bows.

32. Don't train the server to irreverence by not allowing him to complete the

responses, and don't neglect to tell him at a suitable time of his oversights and

mistakes.

33. Don't prefix Et to the Ant.Introibo after the Ps.Judica.

34. Don't omit to make a profound bow of the body at the Confiteor; don't strike

the breast noisily, or with the hand closed instead of open; don't turn to right or

left at the words vobis fratres, vos fratres, at a low Mass. Don't resume the erect

position before the server has finished theMisereatur tui. Don't forget to make a

medium bow when reciting the VV.Deus, Tu conversus, etc..

35. Don't turn the head to right or left when kissing the altar at the Oramus te

Domino or at other times. Don't bow to the cross before going to the Missal.

36. Don't make the sign of the cross on the way to the Missal instead of waiting

until arrival at the Missal and accompanying the sign with the first words of the

Introit. When the Holy Name occurs in the opening words of the Introit, don't

endeavour at one and the same time to make the bow and the sign of the cross, but

omit the bow at first and make it at the repetition alone.


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37. Don't begin theKyrie on the way to the centre of the altar. On the days when

there are several lessons andDominus vobiscum orGloria in excelsis does not

follow immediately after theKyrie, don't recite theKyrie at the Missal instead of

going to the centre to say it and returning immediately to the Missal.

38. Don't sayDominus vobiscum while turning round to the people or take this

opportunity of estimating the congregation. Don't bow to the people while saying

the words. Don't turn like a soldier on parade or with such speed that vestmentsbegin to float in the breeze.

39. Don't say Oremus before arriving at the Missal so that the action which

should accompany the words is belated. Don't look at the cross when bowing at

the Oremus.

40. Don't recite the prayers with the extended hands raised higher than the

shoulders or wider apart than the shoulders, or with the fingers curving inwards

instead of being extended fully, but hold the hands in parallel planes.

41. Don't omit to raise the eyes before theMunda cor meum; don't rest the hands

on the altar, or forget to bow profoundly during this prayer. Don't sayDomne

instead ofDomine.

42. Don't forget, at the beginning of the gospel, to put the left hand on the Missa

when making the sign of the cross on the gospel text and to hold it tinder the

breast when signing the forehead, mouth and breast. Don't make these crosses withthe nail or with the side of the thumb instead of with the inner part, or don't make

them with the hand half-closed instead of fully extended with the open palm

towards the Missal or towards yourself, as the case may be. At the gospel, don't

stand facing in a direction at right angles to the front of the altar instead of facing

in a direction about a half a right angle to the left of that direction. Don't bow or

genuflect during the gospel towards the cross instead of towards the Missal.

43. Don't raise the hands higher than the shoulders at the beginning of the Credo

Don't begin the genuflection before the wordsEt incarnatus. Don't descendquickly and keep the knee touching the ground until the end of the words ethomo

factus est, instead of descending slowly and touching the ground with the right

knee at the words et homo factus est, and without prolonging the contact rising

leisurely while continuing: Crucifixes etiam pro nobis, etc.. ; don't add a bow of

the head to this genuflection.


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44. Don't uncover the chalice before the Credo is quite finished, or while saying

the offertorium, or don't recite the offertorium with extended hands.

45. Don't fold the chalice veil carelessly behind the chalice, or maltreat it by

making it into a little bundle under pretext of having a better support for the pall.

46. Don't keep the eyes fixed on the cross at the offering of the Host, instead of

fixing them on the Host after the opening words. On this occasion don't hold thepaten too high or too low, but at breast height.

47. Don't wipe the chalice so violently as to be in danger of wrenching the cup

from the stem, or wipe it in the direction that would unscrew the cup. Don't wipe

the chalice while going to the Epistle side instead of walking to that side with

joined hands and then wiping the chalice. Don't begin theDeus, qui humanae

while pouring in the wine or before putting aside the wine cruet.

48. Don't forget to keep the eyes raised up while offering the chalice and to holdthe chalice breast high.

49. Don't forget to keep the head profoundly bowed for all the seven words of

the Gloria Patri, after the Ps.Lavabo.

50. Don't, while bowed down at the Suscipe sancta Trinitas, make a further bow

at the holy names of Jesus and Mary there occurring, and don't forget the same

applies at the prayers before Communion.

51. Don't, in signing the oblata, have the fingers bent instead of fully extended

and joined; don't make the crosses by a series of plunges or jumps instead of by

horizontal straight lines.

52. Don't say the Orate, fratres in a loud voice instead of the prescribed middle

voice, or continue the words ut meum ac vestrum, etc.., in an audible tone, or

remain facing the people until the end of these words. Don't answer Amen or

proceed with the secret prayers before the server has finished the Suscipiat.

53. Don't bow the head at the words ubique gratias agere andper Christum

Dominum nostrum in the preface. Don't bow the head anywhere at the latter words

except after the memento for the dead.

54. Don't strike the breast at the Sanctus or say this and the following words in

the tone of the preface instead of dropping to the middle voice.


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55. Don't recite the Canon in an audible voice or sigh out phrases of it, or recite

it from memory instead of reading it from the Missal.

56. Don't omit to join the hands before making the signs of the cross. Don't hold

one hand in the air while the other is employed in some action.

57. Don't moisten the fingers in order to turn the leaves of the Missal, or dog's

ear the Missal to facilitate the finding of a place, or pass the palm of the hand overthe open Missal, or turn the leaves roughly, thus exposing the Missal to the danger

of being torn.

58. Don't make the memento too long or too short; don't say the wordsMemento

Domine, etc.., in an audible voice. At theHanc igiturdon't put the thumbs under

the palms of the hands instead of keeping them crossed as before.

59. Don't, before taking up the Host, rub the fingers towards the centre of the

corporal instead of towards the outer edges.

60. Don't lean the left arm on the altar while holding the Host and saying the

words benedixit, fregit, etc..

61. Don't bend unbecomingly over the altar to pronounce the words of

consecration.

62. Don't toss the head about at the consecration, or twist the body; don't forget

to say the words secretly; don't repeat the words, or belch them forth, or say thewords one by one, as disconnected parts of speech, instead of saying them

humano modo, connectedly by phrase and sentence.

63. Don't keep the arms resting on the altar during the genuflection after the

words of the first consecration have been pronounced, instead of withdrawing

them and resting only the wrists on the altar.

64. Don't uncover the chalice before the genuflection following the elevation of

the Host.

65. Don't take the chalice with the right hand only at the words accipiens et hunc

praeclarum calicem; don't allow the chalice to touch nose or mouth when

pronouncing the form, or tilt it over towards you, or rest the chalice on the altar

while saying the words of consecration.


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66. Don't forget, while elevating the Host or chalice, to keep the eyes fixed on

them ; don't elevate or lower them too quickly; don't forget to raise them higher

than the head so that they can be seen by the people (ostendit populo are the word

of the rubric) ; don't raise the Host or chalice directly over the head instead of

vertically over their position on the corporal, or hold the Host or chalice for some

time stationary in the air instead of lowering them immediately though slowly and

reverently. Don't delay the wordsHaec quotiescumque, etc.., instead of saying

them immediately after the words of consecration, while genuflecting. Don't

genuflect clumsily or too hastily, and don't forget to touch the ground with the

right knee.

67. Don't forget, except while touching the Host, to keep the thumb and index

finger of each hand joined from the consecration to the purification of the fingers

don't touch the Host with fingers other than the index finger and thumb.

68. Don't place the hands completely on the altar table when resting them joinedon the altar, instead of applying the tips of the little fingers to the front edge of the

altar and allowing the extremities of the next fingers to rest on the table.

69. Don't pause at the memento of the dead where the letters N.N. appear instead

of after the words et dormiunt in somno pacis. Don't say the wordsMemento,

Domine, etc., in an audible voice.

70. Don't strike the breast or touch the chasuble with the joined index finger and

thumb instead of with the three other fingers only at theNobis quoquepeccatoribus,Agnus Dei andDomine non sum dignus.

71. Don't bow the head while saying theNobis quoque peccatoribus, or say the

words in a loud instead of a middle voice, or sigh out the wordsfamulis tuis,

which should be secret. Don't insert Amen before theper quem haec omnia.

72. Don't omit to bow to the Blessed Sacrament at the Oremus before the

praeceptis salutaribus, etc., or don't say these latter words with extended hands.

Don't forget to keep the eyes fixed on the Host during thePater noster.

73. Don't forget to place the left hand under the breast when making the sign of

the cross with the paten. Don't kiss the paten at the lower part or on the edge, or

rub the paten on the chasuble or the sleeve of the alb after kissing it.


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74. Don't purify the fingers after touching the Host by rubbing them one after th

other on the brim of the chalice. Don't forget to keep the eyes fixed on the Host

during the prayers after theAgnus Dei.

75. Don't lean the left arm on the altar and turn half round to the right at the

Domine non sum dignus. Don't say these words in a loud instead of a middle

voice.

76. Don't go higher than the forehead in making the vertical line, nor beyond the

limits of the paten in making the transverse line, when making the sign of the

cross with the Host before Communion.

77. Don't be too careful or too careless in collecting the fragments before

receiving the chalice.

78. Don't make a noise with the lips while receiving the chalice, or turn the eyes

up, or receive by sips instead of in one draught, or turn the chalice almost upsidedown when receiving.

79. Don't let the chalice rest on the altar while reaching out for the wine to purify

the chalice, or hold the chalice outside the altar when there is no necessity.

80. Don't hold up the chalice in one hand when folding the corporal.

81. Don't allow the server, though a cleric, to cover and arrange the chalice.

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