Leadership and Self Deception: Getting out of the Box The Arbinger Institute ****************************************************************************************** MAIN CONCEPT #1: Our Influence and Success in Business and in Life will depend on being out of the box with Others, with Situations and with Tasks. MAIN CONCEPT #2: Self Deception blinds us to the true causes of problems, and is the inability to see that one has a problem. It inhibits our ability to make wise and helpful decisions, and prevents us from appropriately understanding the natural consequences of our own choices. MAIN CONCEPT #3:

We Get in the Box when we engage in Self-betrayal, which is defined as/through a process: 1. An act contrary to what I feel I should do for another is called an act of self-betrayal. 2. When I betray myself, I begin to see the word in a way that justifies my self-betrayal. 3. When I see the world in a self-justifying way, my view of reality becomes distorted. 4. So-when I betray myself, I enter the box. 5. Over time, certain boxes become characteristic of me, and I carry them with me. 6. By being in the box, I provoke others to be in the box. 7. In the box, we invite mutual mistreatment and obtain mutual justification. We collude in giving each other reason to stay in the box. MAIN CONCEPT #4: Being in the Box prevents us from being successful, getting results, finding complete happiness, building healthy relationships, etc. It truly impacts every facet of our lives. MAIN CONCEPT #5:

WHAT DOESNT WORK IF YOU ARE IN THE BOX: 1. Trying to change others 2. Doing my best to cope with others 3. Leaving 4. Communicating 5. Implementing new skills or techniques 6. Changing my behavior

KNOWING/UNDERSTANDING THE MATERIAL:

Self betrayal leads to self deception and being in the box Self deception determines ones experience in every part of life When youre in the box, you cant focus effectively on Results Your influence and Success in business and in life will depend on being out of the box Leaders who are in the Box provoke others to resist them Leaders who are out of the Box inspire devotion and commitment in others You get out of the Box as soon as you begin to see people as people, with needs and desires vs. seeing them as objects.

LIVING THE MATERIAL:

Dont try to be perfect. Do try to be better. Dont use the vocabulary with people who dont know it. Do use the principles in your own life. Dont look for others boxes. Do look for your own. Dont accuse others of being in the box. Do try to stay out of the box yourself. Dont give up on yourself when you discover youve been in the box. Do keep trying. Dont deny that youve been in the box when you have been. Do apologize then just keep marching forward, trying to be more helpful to others in the future. Dont focus on what others are doing wrong. Do focus on what you can do right to help. Dont worry whether others are helping you. Do worry whether you are helping others.

QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF TO STAY OUT OF THE BOX: 1. What do I need to do that is MOST PRODUCTIVE, and is the most HONORING of the time that I have today? 2. What are the tasks I get to do that are most in line with the vision I have clarified at this point, or that I have verbalized? 3. What am I trying to procrastinate that will only cause me to be in the box with another person, in a situation, or in an upcoming series of tasks? 4. Could different choices in this moment create different outcomes for me at my Finish Line? 5. Am I in or out of the Box at this moment with this task, this situation or this person?

Leadership and Self Deception: Getting out of the Box