Co-Worker Communication:Handling Disagreements at Work

Presented by:

LifeMatters®

Anyone Here Who’s Never Experienced Conflict?

• Each of us experiences innumerable miscommunications and conflicts in the course of our lives that affect us deeply and daily

• It’s impossible to grow up in a family, live in a neighborhood, attend school, work at a job, be in an intimate relationship, raise kids, or participate in the world without experiencing conflicts of some sort

• Most are avoidable or unnecessary – due to miscommunication, irrelevant differences, unclear roles, responsibilities, expectations

Today

•Conflict assessment

•Recognizing triggers

•Communication strategies

•Tips for resolving Disagreements

Introductions

• Name / Title

• What you’d like to leave here with today

• What pops into your mind when you hear the word ‘conflict’?

Common Responses to the word “Conflict”• Disagreements• Fighting• Fearful/Scary• Hurt feelings• Avoid at all costs• Arguing / Yelling• Defensive• Hard to handle• Not worth it

~ Not very positive ~

Understanding Conflict Resolution: True or False

Conflict is always a bad thing• Usually a symptom, not a problem• Signal to take action• Can increase creativity, team rapport

Conflict is Win-Lose• Mistakenly viewed as contest of wills• Can make it worse

Only difficult people cause conflicts• Most are productive, dedicated employees• Need adequate approaches

Conflict left alone will resolve itself• Early intervention is key• Will expand if not addressed

Why Are We Talking About This?• 85% of US employees experience conflict at work, and spend 2+ hours a

week dealing with it

• 25% of employees say avoiding conflict results in sickness and absence

• 60-80% of all difficulties in organizations stem from strained relationships between employees, not from deficits in individual employee’s skill or motivation

• Typical manager spends 25-40% of their time dealing with workplace conflicts… that’s one to two days of every work week

• 75% of employees report positive outcomes from conflict, that would not have been realized without the conflict

What Are the Main Causes of Disagreement at Work?

• Personality clashes• Stress• Excessive workloads• Differences in beliefs/values• Lack of communication• Resistance/fear of change• Substandard performance• Confusion with responsibility, authority• Misunderstandings• Inconsistency

Understanding Conflict Resolution

• Inevitable, normal and healthy

• Each person has equally valid needs

• Must be solved together

• Too much conflict you have aggression… too little you have stagnation

How Do You Handle Disagreements? (pg 1)

What behaviors might indicate someone is feeling defensive?

Defense Strategies (pg 4)

• Discounting

• Withdrawal

• Threats

• Blaming

• Belittling

• “Guilt trips”

• Derailing

• Punishing

Tips for Eliminating Defensive Behavior

• Watch your “cues”

• Acknowledge triggers

• Take the high road

• Admit when you’re wrong

Handling Disagreements (pg 5)

• Avoid judgments

• Use “I” statements

• Focus on present

• Avoid negative comparisons

• Describe your feelings

• Be clear, honest, direct

• Avoid sarcasm or humor

• Practice active listening

• Use ‘whole’ messages

Using “I” Statements

• “I feel…”

• “I think…”

• “I need…”

• “I’d like…”

• “I’d appreciate…”

Using “I” Statements

You Statement:

“You’re always late for our meetings. You’d better be on time for the next one.”

I Statement:

“It’s important that we keep to our schedule. I would really appreciate your arriving on time.”

Lose the Blame

You statement: “You never get your work done on time. I’m tired of having to do everything for you.”

I Statement: “I feel frustrated when I have to finish both parts of the report. How can we make this work for both of us?”

Lose the BlameYou statement: “You’re expecting too much! There would have to be two of me to get all this done.”

I Statement: “I’m feeling overwhelmed with my current workload. I have some ideas on how we might be able to streamline the process. When would be a good time to talk?”

How Do You Know When Someone Is REALLY Listening?

Active Listening (pg 6)

• Encourage

• Clarify

• Restate

• Reflect

• Summarize

• Validate

Communicating Using Whole Messages ((pg

7)

At the core of all anger is a need that isn’t being met…discover the need – not being heard, feeling unvalued, being treated unfairly, misunderstood

Calm, Cool, Collected…What Gets In Your Way?

Take A Break

• Step back

• Breathe

• Respond with reflection vs react from instinct

• Your choice paves the path for dialogue or rebuttal

How Do We Contribute to Conflicts?

Preventing Conflicts• Realize you’re telling a story – it is not the truth

• You create your own emotions – you make yourself upset

• Identify and manage emotions – express them rationally

• Pause…act like the “Ideal You”

• Use I statements

• Ask good questions – listen and summarize

• Clarify your intention:• What do you want to happen• What do you NOT want to happen• What would you like in terms of the relationship with this person• Are you acting in a way that will accomplish this

In Summary• Build good relationships before conflict occurs

• Don’t let small problems escalate

• Respect differences

• Listen to other’s perspectives

• Acknowledge feelings before focusing on facts

• Focus on solving problems, not changing people

• Pause - consider the intent and consequences of your words

• If you can’t resolve the disagreement, ask for help

“Listen to learn … not to respond.”

“Seek first to understand, before being understood.”

Using LifeMatters®

1-800-634-6433 ~ mylifematters.com

~

Jennifer Dean

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