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T R A N S I T I O N : A N I N T E R A C T I V E

P R O G R A M Prepared in connection with a Continuing Legal Education course presented at New York County Lawyers’ Association, 14 Vesey Street, New York, NY

scheduled for February 18, 2016

Program Co-sponsor: NYCLA’s Lawyers in Transition Committee; Young Lawyers Section; and Women in Law Committee

Faculty: Melvin Simensky, JD, MSW

This course has been approved in accordance with the requirements of the New York State Continuing Legal Education Board for a maximum of 2 Transitional and Non-Transitional credit hours; 2 Skills;

This program has been approved by the Board of Continuing Legal education of the Supreme Court of New Jersey for 42hours of total CLE credits. Of these, 0 qualify as hours of credit for ethics/professionalism, and 0 qualify as hours of credit toward certification in civil trial law, criminal law, workers compensation law and/or matrimonial law.

ACCREDITED PROVIDER STATUS: NYCLA’s CLE Institute is currently certified as an Accredited Provider of continuing legal education in the States of New York and New Jersey.

Information Regarding CLE Credits and Certification

Coaching Lawyers in Transition: An Interactive Program February 18, 2016; 6:00 PM to 8:00 PM

The New York State CLE Board Regulations require all accredited CLE providers to provide documentation that CLE course attendees are, in fact, present during the course. Please review the following NYCLA rules for MCLE credit allocation and certificate distribution.

i. You must sign-in and note the time of arrival to receive your

course materials and receive MCLE credit. The time will be verified by the Program Assistant.

ii. You will receive your MCLE certificate as you exit the room at

the end of the course. The certificates will bear your name and will be arranged in alphabetical order on the tables directly outside the auditorium.

iii. If you arrive after the course has begun, you must sign-in and note the time of your arrival. The time will be verified by the Program Assistant. If it has been determined that you will still receive educational value by attending a portion of the program, you will receive a pro-rated CLE certificate.

iv. Please note: We can only certify MCLE credit for the actual time

you are in attendance. If you leave before the end of the course, you must sign-out and enter the time you are leaving. The time will be verified by the Program Assistant. Again, if it has been determined that you received educational value from attending a portion of the program, your CLE credits will be pro-rated and the certificate will be mailed to you within one week.

v. If you leave early and do not sign out, we will assume that you left at the midpoint of the course. If it has been determined that you received educational value from the portion of the program you attended, we will pro-rate the credits accordingly, unless you can provide verification of course completion. Your certificate will be mailed to you within one week.

Thank you for choosing NYCLA as your CLE provider!

New York County Lawyers’ Association

Continuing Legal Education Institute 14 Vesey Street, New York, N.Y. 10007 • (212) 267-6646

Coaching Lawyers in Transition – An Interactive Program

Thursday, February 18, 2016 6:00 PM to 8:00 PM

Program Co-Sponsors: NYCLA's Lawyers in Transition Committee;

NYCLA's Young Lawyers Section; and NYCLA's Women in Law Committee

Faculty: Melvin Simensky, JD, MSW

AGENDA

5:30 PM – 6:00 PM Registration 6:00 PM – 6:10 PM Introduction and Announcements 6:10 PM – 8:00 PM Presentation, Discussion and Exercises

New York County Lawyers’ Association

Continuing Legal Education Institute 14 Vesey Street, New York, N.Y. 10007 • (212) 267-6646

Coaching Lawyers in Transition – An Interactive Program

Thursday, February 18, 2016 6:00 PM to 8:00 PM

Program Co-Sponsors: NYCLA's Lawyers in Transition Committee;

NYCLA's Young Lawyers Section; and NYCLA's Women in Law Committee

Faculty: Melvin Simensky, JD, MSW

Table of Contents

Introduction The Acts and Art of Coaching, with Attachments The Wheel of Life Mentoring Support Groups for Lawyers in Transition

Faculty Biography

Introduction to the Program

This interactive program with noted coach Melvin Simensky, will provide you with the tools you need when transitioning from school to the first job, from one position to another, back into the workforce after a hiatus, or when leaving the practice of law. The program will include a hypothetical coaching session, audience participation and critiques from both your peers and our expert presenter.

Coaching yields growth, change and self-actualization. Unlike therapy which focuses on getting people to move on from their past and make remedial changes, coaching brings about generative changes and takes people as far as they can possible go to reaching their full potential.

Learn from a professional who has been in your shoes. Mel went to Yale and received his BA degree, and then onto New York University School of Law for his JD degree, following which he practiced law for over 30 years. During this time, Mel co-wrote and co-published with colleagues 5 legal texts. He also taught in the Graduate Division of NYU Law School for 17 years. After transitioning out of the legal profession, Mel enrolled in and graduated from social work school at Wurzweiler School of Social Work of Yeshiva University from where he received his Masters in Social Workd egree (“MSW”). He is a practicing life coach who coaches young and mature attorneys, and other different professionals transitioning to new positions inside or outside their present industries. A coach helps coachees gain clarity and balance in their lives, and works to help coachees make changes in their lives necessary to obtain the goals they seek.

The Acts and Art of Coaching

Written and Presented by Melvin Simensky, JD, LMSW

February 18, 2016

“It’s never too late to become who you might have been,” Brown, Life after Law (Bibliomotion, Brookline, Mass, 2013).

“Every beginning is a consequence. Every beginning ends something.” Paul Valery, quoted in

Bridges, Managing Transitions (De Capo Press , 2009), pg 23.

“All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind is part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another,” Anatole France, quoted

in Bridges, Managing Transitions, (De Capo Press, 2009) at pg 24.

“It’s not so much that we’re afraid of change or so in love with the old ways, but it’s that place in between that we fear…..It’s like being between trapezes. It’s Linus when his blanket is in the

dryer. There’s nothing to hold onto,” Marilyn Ferguson, quoted in Bridges, Managing Transitions( De Capo Press, 2009) pg. 39.

Defining and Describing Coaching

Coaching and the Role of the Coach Coaching works to help clients (called “coachees) develop their personal and professional potential to the fullest. Coaching is a process supporting change - as in life transitions- involving a coachee engaged in a joint and equal effort with the coach to provide the coachee with realization of the goals he or she seeks, and the changes in the coachee which such realization requires. Coaching comprises several main components or activities, including, but not limited, to (1) a coach; (2) a coachee; (3) a relationship between the coach and his or her coachee; (4) a “Q&A” format; (5) accountability; (6) clarification; (7) assessments; (8) values; (9) goals; (10) spirituality; (11) action plans; (12) informational interviews; (13) alignments; and (14) a comparison between lawyering and coaching. In coaching, power is granted to the coaching relationship—not to the coach. The coachee and coach work together to design an alliance that meets the coachee’s needs. Coaching coachees don’t buy a packaged program. Instead, they are involved in creating a powerful relationship that fits the coach and coachee’s working and learning styles.

“Coaching approaches the whole of a person’s life. It’s no service to help [coachees] excel in one area of their lives [such as working] without caring for the rest. It’s one of the reasons why coaches almost always do a broad assessment [early in the coaching]. It’s a way to see where the [coachees] place their level of satisfaction in the significant areas of a balanced life: career, health, finances, relationships, personal growth, spirituality, and recreation. Because [coachees] don’t live their lives in discrete compartments, there are links between all of the pieces. Health

affects career; finances and recreation are intertwined; relationships are interwoven throughout.

It’s hard to pull a thread out without bringing two or three other pieces with it.” Withworth, Kimsey-House and Sandahl, “Co-Active Coaching,” Davies-Black Publishing, 1998.

Coaching empowers a coachee to take charge of his or her life, and go after the goals and life changes desired now and in the future. Such tasks are typically accomplished in conversations between a coach and a coachee, either face to face, or via the phone or using Skype These conversations use a “Q&A” technique as the best way to elicit information from the coachee for the latter’s use in obtaining the goals sought. This information is important because it is the raw material from which a coachee’s values and goals are discovered, then shaped and eventually actualized. “The field of coaching is all about self-actualization because unlike therapy which is designed to

bring healing to people, get them to move on from the past, and to become Okay and up to average, coaching isn’t about remedial change. Coaching is about generative change. It is

about taking people to the farther reaches of human nature.” Hall and Duval, “Self Actualization,” (International Society of Neuro-Semantics], http://www.self-

actualizing.otg/coaching.html. Coaching is not a corrective process to ameliorate undesirable conduct. Nor does coaching introduce remedies to change a person’s bad behavior. Instead, coaching considers all coachees to be whole, and capable of being coached. This is until the time comes when the coachee’s conduct proves to be the opposite. In that event, it’s the coach’s ethical duty to consider referring the coachee to mental health professionals. Moreover, “many people confuse coaching with giving people advice. In practice, coaching is an empowering process where the coach asks direct and powerful questions, so that clients discover their own creative solutions and need not rely on outsiders for their advice.” Lasley, Kellog, Michaels and Brown, Coaching for Transformation,” (Discover Press. 2011) at 4. The life changes sought in coaching can range from concrete changes, such as a coach helping a coachee maintain his or her diet; or helping a coachee find a new and productive job, to a coach working with matters spiritual when the coach helps a coachee dig deep within him or herself, or reach to the stars, to find personal meaning. A common theme running through each of these scenarios is the belief that a coachee, working with a coach, can be transformed into someone with the potential for a life of growth, self-actualization and spiritual connection. And this is so no matter how seemingly mundane the changes the coachee may seek, nor how celestially significant they may seem. Coaching can help make these “changes” real.

“Coaches are hired for many different and diverse reasons, for example: to [help a coachee] climb the career ladder faster; to feel more fulfilled at work; to improve relationships with family and partners…[and ] to learn parenting skills…to give a spiritual meaning to life… Coaches are part consultant, part rent-a-friend. Coaches work with upper class folks and just plain folks to

help them define and achieve their goals and the personal care they seek.” www.webmd.com/balance/guide/life-and-wllness-coaches.

“Life coaching aims to draw out a person’s potential, rather than puts in aims and knowledge from the outside. It develops, rather than imposes. It reflects ,rather than directs. Effective life

coaching…is a form of change facilitation. It enables people, rather than trains them. Life coaching is reactive and flexible-it allows for a person’s transition on an individual basis.

Empathy is central to the coaching process. Good personal coaching seeks to help the other person’s understanding of himself or herself. [Life coaching] potentially covers virtually every aspect of personal development that an individual might aspire to – for career, direction and

development…entrepreneurialism, life skills, personal fulfillment, life balance and the acquisition of specific skills and knowledge…There’s a huge difference between coaching and advising: Coaching is centered around the client; whereas [advising] tends to be based on the beliefs, values, and opinions of the [advisor]. In this respect, a coach is most certainly not a [advisor].

The coach’s role, and the coaching concept, is to help the other person find their own solutions, not to have them follow an advisor’s recommendations or suggestions. This is a fundamental principle”. Chapman, “Life Coaching and Personal Coaching,” Businessballs, www. Business.

Com/ life coaching. HTM retrieved 6/18/15.

“Coaches often have to train their clients in a new way of thinking, speaking and listening, especially if those clients have been involved in therapy. Psychotherapy…[is] a way for clients

to grasp their self-identity…Coaching, on the other hand…[may often involve] leaps of faith…[T}hat is what coaching is all about: relinquishing the conversations that no longer serve

the unfolding [of new possibilities] waiting to occur. Coaching supports clients in redefining themselves in such a way that they are actually generating themselves and their lives in a

wonderfully creative way…What are the characteristics of a good coach? The ability to let go of your needs for being liked, good and loveable…Strong convictions that your client can realize their highest potential…Being…a cheerleader. Willingness to explore with your clients, without an attachment to the outcome, or to how you think it ought to be…We are in the business of

empowering our clients [not egotistically empowering ourselves].” Lasley, Kellogg, Michaels and Brown, “Coaching for Transformation,” (Discover Press, 2011).

A Coachee’s Role A coachee is a person who benefits from partnering with a coach in achieving feasible and reasonable changes and goals. A coachee is at the other end from the coach in the coaching process. Coaching is “a process of conversation between a coachee and the coach, wherein the coach helps the former to identify solutions by stimulating the person to think through alternatives, over self limiting beliefs and experience action learning. Consequently, the coaching process puts the [coachee] in a very active role. Nothing much of importance will happen as a result of coaching unless the [coachee] wants it to happen…It is up to the [coachee] how best the [coaching process] can be leveraged upon…[The coache’s job] is to keep the train in continuous motion to reach the [coachee’s] desired destination; should [the coachee] choose to be a stationery train and expect the destination to reach him or her, the coaching relationship is likely to break. The coach will not bring results to [to the coachee]. It is [the coachee] who will bring results with the help of the heightened awareness created by the coach.” H. Stevenson, “What is the Role of the Coachee” and “What You Need to Know About Coaching services,” http://www.clevelandconsultinggroup.com/articles/coaching-services.php Comparison between Lawyering and Coaching It’s significant, I think, that both processes of coaching and lawyering, especially litigation, exhibit important commonalities. This allows persons knowledgeable about one process to understand and learn from the other. Chief among these commonalities are: (1) that both processes depend on obtaining factual information about litigants, and correspondingly, about coachees; (2) that the atmospherics surrounding the getting of this information are supposed to evidence empathy and caring; (3) that the accumulation of relevant facts and their examination provides a way to develop a “theory of the case” in litigation, and an analysis of relevant facts in coaching allows a coachee to ascertain his or her goals and specify the changes necessary to obtain these goals.

There are also significant differences between coaching and lawyering, particularly in the construction and result sought from the different types of questions each process uses. A “Powerful Question” is open-ended, non-leading, and often provocative. “They invite clients to look inside ‘What do you really want?) or into the future (“Put yourself six months into the future. Standing there, what decisions would you make today?”). The way the question is framed determines where the client looks for the answer.” Whitwirth, Kimsey-House and Sandahl, supra at 69-70. Cross-Examination which is used at trial in lawsuits is the most conspicuous example of how certain types of questions are utilized in litigation. Lawyers doing cross-examination use close-ended, leading inquiries. The close-ended question usually ends up with a “Yes” or “No” answer. There’s no depth for further examination. Cross-examiners do not want “depth for further examination” at trial. By then, it’s too late to introduce new evidence from new information. A cross-examiner wants to build his/her case as simply as possible, so the jury can understand it. This means using close-ended questions designed to produce “Yes” and “No” answers. It also means using leading questions. “Leading questions are most effective because they essentially allow the cross-examiner to testify and the witness to ratify…Asking leading questions allows the cross-examiner to be forceful, fearless, knowledgeable and informative.” Pratt, “The Ten Commandments of Cross-Examination,” at http://www.thefederation.org/documents/Pratt-SP03.htm. For a sample trial series of questions ( closed ended and leading), see the attached excerpt from Id. Relationship between Coach snd Coachee A good and meaningful relationship between a coach and his or her coachee goes a long way in helping a coachee achieve his or her dreams and goals. In one very relevant study, 35 coaches were teamed with 35 coachees and were then interviewed to determine the effectiveness of their relationship in producing positive change. The findings of this study were that “the coachees attributed the effectiveness of their coaching in large part to the relationship they had with their coach. Receiving unconditional acceptance and respect from the coach was not only a facilitative condition, but also directly responsible for change…Furthermore, the findings indicate that although there should be a certain distance between the coach and the coachee, a purely formal unilateral helping relationship is less effective than a mutual relationship in which a deeper personal connection exists between the coach and the coachee. The findings also suggest that while differences between the coach and coachee in personality may lead to useful challenges, when it comes to beliefs and values more similarity between coach and coachee is desired.” M. van Woerkom, “The Relationship between Coach and Coachee: A Crucial Factor for Coaching Effectiveness,” Professional and Practice-based Learning, pp 256-267 (Springer Link, 4/20/15. A good relationship between a coach and his or her coachee influences the effectiveness of the parties’ coaching experience. But this observation doesn’t say what kind of relationship is required in order that the connection between the two be productive. “There is something that is common to every individual relationship, team, family, organization, nation, economy and civilization throughout the world-one thing which if removed, will destroy the most powerful government…On the other hand, if developed and leveraged, that something has the potential to create unparalleled success and prosperity...That something is “trust.”…[Trust] is the foundational element to a successful coaching relationship. Id. If we want to establish trust with another we first have to trust ourselves…We both trust ourselves, and inspire trust in ourselves

with others, when we show both character and competence…[Trust] is one of the most powerful forms of motivation and inspiration. People want to be trusted…Whatever our situation, we need to get good at establishing , extending, and restoring trust-not as a manipulative technique, but as the most effective way of relating and working with others, and the most effective way of getting results.” “What is the Most Important Element in the Coach/Coachee Relationship,” http://yourleadershipunleashed.com/the-coachcoachee-relationship/. Trust is about knowing the other person will take responsibility and live up to expectations-about knowing that you can count on them to do the right thing…For a relationship to be healthy, trust needs to be reciprocated. Trust is the essential ingredient of any good coaching relationship-without it, the client is not going to tell you, the coach, those confidential things that may be necessary to allow you to be of real help.” K.McAlpin and D.Wilkinson, “Coaching and relationships Trust is the foundation,” Articles PCI-Performance Coaching International, http://www.performanecoachinginternational.com/resources/articles/relationships.php. Accountability in Coaching “Accountability is having a [coach’s] clients account for what they said they were going to do. It is determined by three questions: (1) What are you going to do? (2) By when will you do this?

(3) How will I know? Accountability does not include blame or judgment. Rather, the coach holds the client accountable to the client’s vision or commitment and asks the client to account

for the results of the intended action. If need be, holding the client accountable includes defining new actions to be taken.” Whitworth, Kimsey-House and Sandahl, “Co-Active Coaching”

(Davies-Black Publishing , 1998) at pg 253. In professional coaching, accountability does not include scolding [or] punishment. Accountability is a tool for the client’s action and learning. To be accountable means simply to give an account. What worked? What didn’t work? What happened? What would you do differently next time? Coachees are moving into new territory, stretching their boundaries, finding new resourcefulness. They’re coming up with new ways of operating and overcoming old resistance. Accountability gives structure to this growth. As coaches, we hold clients accountable—not to see them perform, but to empower the change they want to make. Accountability can provide the means for change and creates a great opportunity to acknowledge how they succeed. This is ultimately what clients are accountable for: Their own lives, their own agenda.

“The most common application of accountability occurs in the daily or weekly actions between sessions—sometimes called homework or fieldwork. Coaching creates an ideal structure for

initiating action and measuring action…” Id 80. Coachee’s Action Plans Coaches find “Action Plans” productive because it is a process which can help coachees focus their ideas and decide what steps they need to take to achieve particular goals. They are statements of what coachees want to attain over a given period of time, and a listing of the actions it will take to realize these goals within that time frame. An Action Plan “involves [the coachee] identifying [his or her] objectives. Setting objectives which are achievable and measureable. Prioritizing tasks effectively. Identifying the steps needed to achieve [one’s] goals. “Publication of the University of Kent http://www.kent.ac.uk/careers/sk/skillsactionplanning.htm. A study of 327 job seekers…at the

University of Missouri’s College of Business found that writing a plan at the start of a job search has a big impact on success; make a plan and continuously update progress. There are many different Action Planning models, but a good starting point is the models hereto attached. “The stages of an Action Plan are: Where am I now? This is where you review your achievements and progress, and undertake self-assessment. Where do I want to be? This is where you decide your goals. How do I get there? This is where you define the strategy you will use to achieve your goals, and to break down your goal into the smaller discreet steps you will need to take to achieve your target. Taking action. This is the nitty gritty where you implement your plan.” Id. An Action Plan could include the following information: a clearly stated goal; a listing of the benefits to be gained from attaining the goal; beginning now; designing the steps necessary to achieve the goal; “arrange the steps in a logical, chronological order and put a date by which you will start each step…trying to map out several paths to a goal, so that if one becomes blocked another is available; reviewing a coachee’s progress. Keep a diary or blog of daily activities and record progress as things happen…A good time to start is about 2 weeks after beginning…Write commitments on paper…”Id. Set a goal and write it down. Whatever the goal, the important thing is that you set it, so you’ve got something for which to aim- and that you write it down. There is something magical about writing things down. So set a goal and write it down. When you reach that goal, set another and write that down. Some Action Plans ask the coachee to go over his or her Action Plan every day; that at least one action be taken everyday toward achieving the goal; imagining living the goal several times daily; and evaluating daily the coachee’s steps to his or her goal to make sure their action steps are working. Clarification A coach generally works with a coachee to bring “clarity” to the coachee’s life, so as to pierce the confusion and clutter typically surrounding a coachee. This enables the two parties to know precisely the goals and changes the coachee seeks. Clarification also permits both coach and coachee to see what information of the coachee is most important and relevant to the coachee’s life. This information is a foundation for the coachee’s subsequent journal. Coaching Defined By What It Isn’t There are numerous helping professions in our country, some of which are psychotherapy, mentoring, consulting and coaching. None others provide what coaching can provide—a new and changed life better than the previous one, including a life capable of transformation. Consulting deals mostly with problems, and provides a consultant’s expertise to resolve the problem. Mentoring tries to help a mentee grow in the social and cultural ways the mentee wishes, but needs help to realize. “To help find the right path [to a coachee’s goal] many people work with a professional, such as a career counselor, a therapist or coach…In general, career counselors help people define their

strengths and interests to find a career fit. Therapists are especially skilled at helping people understand and resolve past and current issues that keep them stuck or dissatisfied. In contrast,

life coaches…begin with where people are and focus on what they want to create going forward.” D. Elbaum, “Hiring Help: What Happens When You Work with a Life Coach”.

Psychotherapy is the helping profession most confused with coaching. “Therapy deals mostly with a person’s past and trauma, so as to fix the individual in the present time. Coaching [in contrast] deals mostly with a person’s present, in order to guide the person to a more fulfilling future…The therapist diagnoses, then provides professional expertise and guidelines to give patients a path to healing. In coaching, there is no diagnosis and the application of professional expertise.” Williams and Menendes, “Becoming a Professional Life Coach,” (W. W. Norton, 2007) pg 40. “[T]raditional psychotherapy focuses on the root of the problem , the history, the family of origin…Coaching, from a theoretical perspective, focuses on the future, barrier identification, goal setting, planning, and creative action. Coaching works with the conscious mind actively in order to facilitate the client to step into a preferred future while also living a fulfilling life in the present.” Williams and Davis, “Therapist as Life Coach,” (WW Norton 2002) at pg 42. Coaching Seeks Actualization of a Coachee’s Potential Coaching does something significant that no other helping profession does, and that is work to a coachee’s, and in this case, a lawyer’s potential – not his or her present status of abilities and qualifications in real time. A coachee’s potential is to be actualized at a future moment. Coaching is about possibilities. Using a metaphor, job placement companies and their clients teach to an exam already written, while coaches and coachees await teaching to an exam in the process of being prepared. Spirituality in Coaching Coaches say that the essence of coaching is “change” and that “change” begets “re-creation” and that “re-creation” begets “transformation.” It is thought that “re-creation” and “transformation” result as a consequence of spiritual initiative and intervention, and that the coach-coachee connection constitutes a sacred relationship. Spirituality is a “quest for meaning in everyday life—a feeling that life has value…And [that spirituality also includes] a commitment to values, and living in accordance with them. The pursuit of transcendence to life beyond self, or beyond the material realm results from an appreciation of the connectedness of life among self, others, a divine presence and nature.” Lasley, Kellogg, Michaels and Brown, Id at 280. “ Transformation is a process of…change that arises from deep awareness and leads to fresh orientation and new direction. Transformation honors what is, while reaching deep within to find what is emerging…Instead of denying the past or the present, the transformational process…embraces [it]…” Id at 5. “We believe great life coaching goes beyond the surface of the relationship, the techniques, the day-to-day to –do lists…We believe the life coaching relationship is at best soulful…When the

coach and client enter a deep and meaningful relationship, great things happen---in fact, miracles can occur. People have totally transformed or recreated their lives. Long forgotten dreams have found their way to become realized. Coaching is about possibilities and the

coaching relationship is fertile ground where everyday life can be improved and dreams can grow.” Williams and David, “Therapist as Life Coach”( WW Norton 2002) pg 70.

THE COACHING PROCESS The foregoing information describes the several tools used in the coaching process. The coaching narrative next explores the way these tools interact and are used to obtain the goals the coachee seeks. Although the coaching experience is unique to each client, most coaching sessions follow a similar pattern. Three Parts of a Coaching Session A coaching session generally comprises three parts: a time before the session, during the session and after the session. Before the first session, the coachee and the coach may “have signed a Coaching Agreement which sets out the parties’ professional relationship and includes, among other clauses, the number of sessions, the length of the agreement, the role of the client and the coach, the coach’s fee….the cancellation policy, what coaching is, and what to expect…[Next the client] should have completed a Coaching Prep Form to be emailed to the coach 48 hours in advance of the next coaching session…This Prep Form…is used by the coachee to gather…thoughts and focus for the next session and to record progress or new learning. It’s also a way of seeing progress and new growth.” L. Face, “A Typical Coaching Session,” http://lisaface.com/what-is-coaching/a-typical-coaching-session/ retrieved 12/18/15. On the form may be typical questions about areas of interest, such as the main topic for the session; what would constitute a successful result; actions completed from the prior session; what not completed although assigned; main obstacles, the main learning, insights and progress towards the coachee’s goals and sharing progress and celebrations. During the session, there is no formal coaching format, but most coaching sessions provide the following: The coachee gets the coach caught up and notes successes; the parties use the Prep Form to structure the session. The coachee sets the focus of the session. The coach relates to the coachee by listening and asking questions about the latters’ situation, progress and challenges. The coach remains neutral and acknowledges and affirms as acceptable. The coach reflects the coachee’s words and ideas to help the coachee move forward. The coach doesn’t give the coachee any advice. The coach offers suggestions or assessments with the coachee’s consent. When the coaching session ends, some coaches simply finish the conversation, without any required coachee follow-up, and await the next session, preceded by a preparatory session form 48 hours in advance of the session. Other coaches ask the coachee to do a follow-up summarizing what transpired in the session, and what was accomplished. Still other coaches use a more formal follow-up which lists specific items that the coachee is to address, including, for example, what the coachee promised to do in his or her last coaching session; the coachee’s weekly action items, the strategies the coachee will be using to accomplish them; and noting what questions and issues the coachee wants to raise which weren’t discussed. After the first session, what is the first thing a coachee does as the parties’ coaching relationship begins? That first step clarifies what the coachee wants to achieve from the parties’ coaching relationship. This is important. Coachees often begin the coaching process “by describing what’s feasible before talking about what they want or outlining goals. This is a mistake because it limits [the coachee] from the get-go. Instead of thinking of inspiring and creative goals that truly motivate [the coachee], you’re likely to stop short with negative, limited goals. Most coaches will therefore start by calibrating [the coachee’s] values using some sort of coaching assessment. [The coach] will probably also measure [the coachee’s] long term goals

and dreams…..The end goals [the coachee] comes up with during [the coaching] process are the inspiration…They are often not under [the coachee’s] control…This is why [the parties] then need to create and focus on performance goals. These are steps or milestones that lead to the end goal, but are smaller and more achievable… “How Does Life Coaching Work? The Beginner’s Guide to Life Coaching,” https://www.lifecoachhub.com/beginners-guide-to-life-coaching Many, if not most, coaches do their coaching on the phone. They find this effective and less expensive than face to face coaching. They consider the coaching relationship to be a partnership between their coachees and them. In the first session, they as coaches, will determine with their coachees a tentative “big agenda” that will guide the parties through multiple sessions, and can be adjusted over time. For subsequent sessions, coaches often set aside some time before the session to “to clear their minds and renew their connection with the [client’s] session history, values and goals. The coaches suggest to their coachees that they take a few minutes before a session, to reflect “on what’s happened, and to choose an important issue or topic [for the session] something related to (or perhaps blocking ) [the coachee’s big agenda. In any given session, the coachee might need to vent for a few minutes before the session to get his or her mind ready to work. Then the coach and coachee will review what happened with [the coachee’s] homework assignment, presuming that the coachee wants to do so. Overriding the examination of the coachees’ homework, if the coachee wishes to probe some other topic, it is the coachee’s wishes that control. As to the focus and approach of a session, there are one or more ways to work with the coachee’s theme. The coach and coachee decide as needed. Here are just a few examples –most of them involve the coach asking challenging, open-ended questions, and leaving the coachee time to reflect and answer: develop his or her own mission statement, dig into what bugs the coachee to discover value, do a visualization exercise, to learn more about the coachee plan the next steps to move the coachee toward something important. In entering a session, both the coach and coachee will use their intuition, or “gut feeling,” to decide “where to go within a session. Together [the coach and coachee] create what is needed---often we make it up completely fresh. There are no templates…[the coach’s] job is to help [the coachee] identify the deep issue, then to help [the coachee] uncover the resources [of the coachee that…] are available…” Coachees must be prepared in their sessions to be interrupted or challenged by the coach in service to the coachee’s agendas. The coachee should realize that he or she is free to push back in a session using highly relevant language as follows: “Near the end of the session, [the coach] might ask if [the coachee] noticed something [he or she] would like to take away as a home assignment. Or I might have an idea, and ask if it interests [the coachee]. Homework could be an experiment…a question to reflect on daily, or a plan to interact with specific people to find new information. You always have a choice, homework assignments are not imposed. Often coachees give feedback as to whether the session has been helpful, whether anything is new because of the session; and if coaching isn’t working, finding out “why.” Often the time between sessions “is where the real work of coaching takes place—in the [coachee’s] mind, in the choices [he or she] make…[The coachee] will work on his or her homework all week….as you observe yourself and others with new eyes, [the coachee] will bring new learning into [his or her] next session. ”The coach and coachee will then book another session going forward.

Assessments An assessment is the evaluation or estimation of the nature, quality or ability of someone or something to engage in some activity. Synonyms are judgment, appraisal, analysis and opinion. Put another way, an assessment is the gathering and discussing of information in order to develop a person’s deeper understanding and knowledge of himself and his or her environment. An assessment refers to the methods or tools used to evaluate and analyze collected information. As stated in “Coaching with the Myers Briggs Type Indicator: A Valuable Tool for Client Self-Awareness,” Journal of Practical Consulting, Vol. 5, Iss.2 ( Winter 2015) pg. 11-49. the main purpose of assessments is to enhance the coacheee’s self awareness. They serve to bring about self-understanding and self awareness. “The aim is to help the client explore the world around them in a way that broadens their choices and maximizes their abilities to use their capabilities.” Id. In coaching, many, if not most coaches, including myself, regard “assessment activities,” along with values considerations, as some of the most important functions of the entire coaching cycle. This is because the information used in coaching comes primarily from doing assessments, and the interpretations of this information depend heavily on one’s values. This information constitutes the “raw material” on which the entire coaching regime depends. There are primarily 3 categories of assessments used in coaching. First is a coachee’s acts of developing information pursuant to self awareness questionnaires. The second is collecting information revealed from the coachee’s answering questions asked by the coach. The third way is the coachee’s answering questions propounded by outside independent exams. These tests use indirect and sometimes oblique questions (making it difficult to scam the test) whose purpose is to determine the personality of a coachee. A well-known and widely used personality exam in coaching is the Myers Briggs Type Indicator. This test is called the “MBTI.” It is nationally considered to be a truthful and accurate assessment, and used by many coaches. Data supporting the accuracy and truthfulness of the test has been collected for at least 5 or 6 decades. Besides the MBTI, other outside independent tests are the DiSC, the Hartman Value Profile, the StrengthsFinder and Conflicts Dynamics Profile. A challenge using these tests is that the data produced may require outside interpreters to read the exam’s results. Coaches who interpret these exams are generally certified. A Coachee’s Values “Values function like compass points for us. A compass needle points toward true north and acts as a consistent guide for mariners and travelers. Travelers rarely get lost if they have a working compass. Our values serve us in a similar way, guiding us in determining the direction of our life. When we align with our values, they help us make critical decisions. They also function as key indicators that we are out of integrity, which is evidenced by our frustration, anger, or feeling off-center.” Williams & Menendez, “Becoming a Professional Life Coach,” (WW Norton & Co. 2007) at pg. 216. Value is something, such as a principle or quality, that is intrinsically valuable or desirable. Values are beliefs, qualities or philosophies that are meaningful to people, so much so that they are willing to shape their lives and actions to live by them. Id.

“Values are important [to individuals] because their core values, or personal value systems, lead them to make certain judgments and decisions, which prompt them to take certain actions that lead to certain results…A value or belief is a trust or conviction—a feeling, idea, or opinion ---about a principle, standard, or aspect of life that is considered to be true, desirable, and inherently worthwhile… Core values are the three to five critically important personal values we hold. When we are not living our values consistently, we are likely to feel dissatisfied, depressed, embarrassed, and even ashamed. It’s impossible to lead a fulfilling life that does not honor or is out of alignment with our core values. Id. at pgs 216-217… Values create energy toward their fulfillment through action and results…Values, as determinants of our priorities, are the silent forces behind many of our actions and decisions.” Id. Characteristics of values are that they have significant power in our lives. “The deepest, most powerful, and most centering force for an individual…is [his or her] values….An individual’s personal values are a reflection of the highest principles of mind and thought, and may even be part of the spiritual domain… When clients live their life in line with their values, it engenders a sense of well-being, self-respect, and self esteem. When they live a life that violates their values, it can lead to confusion, frustration, and depression…Unless or until clients consciously explore, distinguish, and clearly delineate their personal values or beliefs, it’s impossible to orient and create a personal life around them. “ Id. “Clients frequently come into coaching because they are experiencing a radical rift between their current external or internal way of being and their core values. They may not recognize that this issue is central to many of the challenges in their lives…For example, imagine clients who value family, but who are working at a job that requires long hours, which precludes much quality time with family members. If those clients’ work situation mandates the violation of a deeply held value, they will likely experience serious inner conflict. If clients value respect, yet their opinions and views are not listened to at work, their lives are in conflict with one of their values…” Coaching clients seek a life that has value—one that satisfies a deep and authentic longing for meaning. When they align their work and life with their own core values, they find the meaning they sought and satisfy the longing. Once clients have addressed their basic needs, their strongest motivators, and greatest sources of deep meaning and their core values…[the clients] can become the primary drivers of their life.” Id at 220. A Coachee’s Goals A goal is defined by Webster’s New World College Dictionary, 4th Ed. (Wiley Publishing , Inc, 2002) at 607 as “an object or end that one strives to attain.” Similarly, the language of coaching defines a “goal [as] an outcome that the client would like to achieve. Goals are most helpful when they are measurable, specific, are owned by the client, have a date by which they will be accomplished, are made public (in order to achieve support and accountability), and constitute a reasonable stretch for the client.” Whitworth, Kimsey-House and Sandahl, supra at 256. Subject to the qualification cited below, the role of a “goal” in coaching is the “reward or prize” which the coachee originally sought from coaching, and which the coachee subsequently obtains resulting from the required “changes” the coachee has made in his or her life to attain their goals. This is so regardless whether such goals, to the outside world, seem large or small, significant or not or transformative or not.

The qualification is that if the goal which the coachee seeks is to be fully realized, the goal should be in “alignment” with a coachee’s values and subsequent actions aimed at obtaining such goal. If this “alignment” is not honored, it’s possible, if not likely, that the coachee will experience just the opposite of what he or she originally wanted. And be left with a life filled with dissatisfaction and dissonance. To give a coach some ability to predict whether or not a particular goal which the coachee seeks will align with the coachee’s values, and so be considered valid and effective, coaches use a tool expressed as the acronym S.M.A.R.T. This is short for goals which are “Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Timely.” “A specific goal has a much greater chance of being accomplished than a general goal. To set a specific goal, [the coachee] must answer six ‘W’ questions: *Who: Who is involved? *What: What do you want to accomplish? *Where: Identify a location. *When: Establish a time frame *Which: Identify requirements and constraints. *Why: Specific reasons, purpose or benefits of accomplishing the goal. A general goal would be ‘Get in shape.’ But a specific goal would say, ‘Join a health club and workout 3 days a week.’” Gene Donohue, “Creating S.M.A.R.T. Goals” http://topachievement .com/smart.htm.

“To determine if your goal is measurable, ask questions such as …How much? How many? How will I know when it is accomplished?” Id.

“Attainable- When [the coachee identifies] goals that are most important [to him or her, they]

begin to figure out ways [they] can make them come true. [One] develops the attitudes, abilities, skills and financial capacity to reach them.” Id.

“Realistic- To be realistic, a goal must represent an objective toward which you are both [the coachee and his or her coach] willing and able to work. A goal can be both high and realistic;

[the coachee] is the only one who can decide just how high your goal should be...[The coachee’s] goal is probably realistic if [the coachee] truly believes that it can be accomplished. Additional ways to know if [the coachee’s goal] is realistic is to determine if [the coachee] has

accomplished anything similar in the past or ask yourself what conditions would have to exist to accomplish this goal.” Id.

“Timely- A goal should be grounded within a time frame. With no time tied to it there’s no sense

of urgency…” Id. Informational Interview An informational interview is a brief meeting, usually 15 to 20 minutes between a job seeker and a possible employer, to obtain helpful information and advice. The meeting can take place anywhere the employer wishes, such as the employer’s office, a quick coffee at Starbucks, or someplace else the employer suggests. It’s explicitly not a job interview, and is conducted by the job seeker pursuant to his or her questions. “One of the most powerful but underutilized strategies in finding a job is informational interviewing, the process of conducting highly focused conversations with professionals currently working in your field of interest in order to gather information about a job, company, field or industry. Informational interviews provide excellent opportunities to gain knowledge that you may not be able to find elsewhere, clarify your understanding, sharpen your focus, make connections, build relationships with influential professionals and, potentially, land a job.” Jody Michael, “Informational Interviewing: A Job Seeker’s Secret Weapon (The Career Experts), http://www.jodymichael.com/informational-

interviewing. See also Amy Armstrong, “What is an Informational Interview?” (The New York Public Library), http://www.nypl.org/blog/2010/11/02/what-informational-interview. The Relationship Between Values and Fulfillment “Imagine you could do what brings you the greatest joy: to be with the people you love, use your natural talents, exploit your gifts to the fullest/ It is a picture of a person living according to what he or she values most…The link between values and fulfillment is so obvious it may be invisible. Helping clients discover and clarify their values is a way to create a map that will guide them through the decision paths of their lives. When you clarify values with the client you learn more about what makes the client tick: what’s important and what’s not. Clients discover what is truly essential to them in their lives. It helps them take a stand and make choices based on what is fulfilling to them. Honoring our values is inherently fulfilling even when it is hard. If authenticity is a very high value for your clients, they may find there are times when they must suffer discomfort in order to live according to that value. The discomfort will pass and a sense of integrity or congruence with their values will remain. When that value is not being honored, however, the client feels internal tension or dissonance. Because human beings are flexible and resilient, it is possible to absorb a tremendous amount of discord and keep going. But there is a very high price to pay—a sense of selling out on oneself—and the result is an unfulfilling life—a life of toleration rather than fulfillment”. Whitworth, Kimsey-House and Sandahl, Co-Active Coaching( Davies-Black Publishing, 1998) at pg. 119 Aligning Assessments, Values, Goals and Actions The process of “alignment” means the “proper positioning or state of adjustment of parts….in relation to each other.” Merriam-Webster. http://merriam-webster.com/dictionary/alignment. What this definition lacks, however, is the “special purpose” for which the alignment is established in the first place. In coaching, I suggest that the purpose of aligning assessments, values, goals and subsequent effectuating actions is to give us meaning in life to be used “as guiding principles to make our lives easier and more fulfilled.” Id. So long as a person’s values, goals and subsequent actions are in alignment, individually and in combination, and serve a good purpose, such circumstances will generate good things for the coachee. An alignment is the position that something is in when it is congruent, straight or in the correct place. Or, the organization of activities, systems or components so that they match or fit well together. “[L]iving in harmony with one’s inner values can effect [coachees] happiness. To explore and define a person’s values is therefore of crucial importance in a coaching programme as it affects all areas of the person’s life. [Research shows that a] client needs to align their life to their value foundation in order to live a fulfilled life.” R. Kropp, “The Importance of Values and Alignment in Working Life”(International Coach Academy, 12/10/2012), http://coachcampus.com/coach/values-and-alignment-in-coaching/ “Values relate to our purpose in life and should be used as guiding principles to make our lives

easier and more fulfilled. Values vary from person to person as they depend on personal judgment, upbringing, culture and traditions. Our values are of extreme importance as they steer and shape most of the things around us: relationships, behavior, choices and personal identity are all affected by a person’s values. When our actions and words are aligned with our values,

we feel content, happy, confident and satisfied. But when our behaviors don’t match with our values, we will begin to sense an uneasiness that will grow inside of us and creates negative energy. A person’s life will become less stressful and more productive, when acknowledging

what his/her personal values are –and then make the attempt to live by and honor these values regardless of the circumstances the client will encounter. Id.

“…A coach can help clients to define their value foundation by asking powerful questions: What is most important to you in life? What principles/standards/qualities do you consider worthwhile or desirable? What personal values resonate most with you in order to live a great life? What is

important in your working life? Are your personal and business values aligned?” Id.

Sample Powerful Coaching Questions

As previously defined,“powerful questions evoke clarity, action, discovery, insight or commitment. It creates greater possibility, new learning, or clearer vision. Powerful questions are open-ended questions that do not elicit a yes or no response. They are derived from holding the client’s agenda and either forwarding the client’s action or deepen his or her understanding. “What do you want,” “What does that cost you?” Co-Active Coaching, supra at 258. Here are some especially powerful questions: What is your desired outcome? What makes it so scary? What do you want? Where do we go from here? How will you know? What will that get you? What is the truth? What do you need to say no…” Id. at 69-70. See the attached powerful questions catalogued by different activities.

Conclusions Coaching is a wonderful tool to help another person, a coachee, obtain the goal he or she seeks through personal change. Whether this means staying on a diet, or finding a new job, or realizing meaning in their lives. The purpose of coaching is to help a coachee so change as to be able to obtain the goal sought, not in present real time, but for realization at a future time. This is because coaching, between a coach and a coachee, first tries to determine what the coachee wants, and then second, works with the coachee to obtain it. Coaching seeks to actualize a coachee’s potential. This is a process which requires time to discover information from the coachee, and then looks to apply it. The process of coaching relies substantially on acts of assessment, value clarification, goal selection and alignment. These activities breath “life” into coaching, giving the coachee hope that he or she can change enough to secure the “prize” he or she seeks. Coaching offers the coachee a greater possibility that the job he or she selects will be more suited to them, than a new job just like the old one. An employer can’t wait to hire a coachee’s potential, and, instead, must hire based on an applicant’s present credentials. This makes it possible, maybe even likely, that the employee will select a new job just like the old one he or she wants to leave.

Attachments to The Acts and Art of Coaching

Attachment 1: The Institute for Life Coach Training Forms

Attachment 2: Heart to Heart Coaching

Wheel of Life

Attachment 3: Powerful Questions

Attachment 4: Self Assessment, Exercise and Personal Values

Attachment 5: Action Plan

Attachment 6: Coaching Cases

WHEEL OF LIFE There are several ways to begin the formal, substantive coaching process between a coach and his coachee (also identified as the “lawyer” or “lawyer in transition.”). One way is to use a coaching tool called the “Wheel of Life,” also known as the “Wheel of Balance.” Coaches tend to use this device early on in the parties’ coaching relationship, “as a way to begin the conversation about gaps in their lives. It allows the coach to ask the clients, ‘Where do you most want coaching to focus?’” Williams and Menendaz, Becoming a Professional Life Coach,” WW Norton & Company (2007) pg. 181. Williams is the founder of the internationally renown coaching program at the Institute for Life Coach Training. The Wheel of Life is an important coaching tool which consists of a round wheel that is segmented into separate and equal sections, with each section representing a part of a coachee’s life. Generally, these different sections include a Physical part and individual segments for Personal/Spiritual Development, for Social/Fun, for Health/Self-care, for Romance/Intimacy, Finances, for Family and Friends/Community) and, last, Career/Business. Each of these separate areas is “interrelated [and combined to form an] ideal life. Id at 180-181. The idea is to allocate a score to each section, with the highest scores indicating a coachee’s satisfaction with that part of his personality. Conversely, a section displaying a low score says that the coachee is dissatisfied with that particular part of his personality. In the words of Williams & Menendez, “For each [of the coachee’s individual sections] ask the clients to give a score of (1-10) and shade or color the space accordingly in terms of their current level of satisfaction with this particular area right now. [This is] a way to assess the current level of [a coachee’s] life satisfaction in each area. The clients may score each section numerically to measure the improvement desired in each section, or they may use it to have a coaching conversation about gaps between where the clients are now and where the clients would like to be.” Id. at 181. “The clients score their level of satisfaction in each area of the wheel, giving them a numerical comparison for the various areas of their life. This becomes a simple way for clients to see where coaching may benefit them most. For example, coach and client might explore together what it would be like to move from a 4 to a 10 in an area of the client’s life…The client will soon see that [all sections] are connected…[So that changes] in one area will inevitably impact the client’s satisfaction in other areas….” “The beauty of this tool is that it can be used in coaching check-ups at various intervals during the coaching relationship. The client might complete the Wheel of Life at 6 month intervals…to give both coach and client a current snapshot of the client’s satisfaction. These snapshots can [then] be compared to the initial scoring….” Master coaches have many different ways to help clients examine and assess their lives…[The] Life Balance Wheel[also known as the Wheel of Life] is often used at an early session. There, the coach and client examine the ratings the client has assigned. Through discussion, they examine what is behind the client’s ratings. This is a relatively informal and conversational process, the goal of which is to identify early areas for the coaching process.” Id.

The information above suggests there are at least two important purposes of the Wheel of Life. The first is clear and evident, the second, not so clear and evident—instead subtle. The first purpose of the Wheel of Life is built on the assumption that once clients actually see the sources of their dissatisfaction, they will want to interact with their coaches to ameliorate the situation, resulting in a section score going from “dissatisfaction” to “satisfaction.” But this begs the question, which is what happens if the dissatisfied coachee-lawyer realizes the source of his distress, but either cannot or does not choose to relieve it. This constitutes the Wheel’s second purpose. Take a hypothetical. Brenda is a partner in a Wall Street law firm where she makes $1,000,000 a year. She has spent her entire legal career of 25 years at the firm. She is considered a “workaholic”, which she regards herself being also. Her regular workday begins at home reading and sending emails by 6:30AM, and getting into the office by 9AM. By which time, she has probably billed at least 2-3 hours. Typically, Brenda leaves the office by 7PM, accompanied by enough work to keep herself busy for 2 more billable hours. Brenda agrees that her long work hours are the likely culprit causing the stress and dissatisfaction in her family, which comprises a husband of 20 years, and 2 children, one 18 the other 15. At least Brenda is honest, and tells her family that she is neither emotionally nor psychologically able to change the way she practices law or practices life. That she is defined by the law, as much as the law is defined by Brenda. Brenda says she’s unhappy about the adverse effect her circumstances have caused her family, but says there’s little or anything that she can do to change the situation. If Brenda is either unwilling or unable to change her life, the outcome would seem preordained. The benefit of the Wheel of Life in these circumstances is its ability to confront a coachee with evidence that some aspect or aspects of his or her personality is likely causing his or her dissatisfaction. This visual reality gives the coachee a chance to change his or her behavior, assuming they want to. The question posed is what if a coachee, in these circumstances, chooses not to change. Despite the rule that each part of a coachee’s personality is interrelated with another, there would still probably be an effort to improve other parts or sections of the coachee’s life to see if their total score can somehow be raised enough to improve circumstances. The Wheel of Life certainly does not force a coachee to change his or her life, either to improve it or not. What the Wheel does is provide the coachee with a visual snapshot of his or her life at a specific time, and then silently asks the questions “What do you want to do?” “What can you do?” “Make a choice.” Thus, the Wheel of Life shows a coachee the source of his or her discomfort, with the assumption that the coachee will seek to change his situation in order to assuage his distress. Viewed from a different perspective, the Wheel of Life makes no assumption as to what a coachee will do in such and such circumstances. What it does is provide the coachee with a “choice.” It tells a coachee the source of his or her pain, and then stops. It is then up to the coachee to seek changes in his or her life or not. In either case, the Wheel is essentially telling the coachee to “Make a choice.”

MENTORING

Every year, thousands of lawyers in transition, including attorneys of any age and practice level, experience substantial emotional distress, such as anxiety, tension and depression, over leaving one job and seeking another. Seeking and finding a new job can involve having to change oneself to become a new and different person, with a different personality. Changing one’s “working identity” can mean losing one’s prior personhood and gaining another. This entails having to live with the uncertainties of the transition process amidst possible psychological, mental and emotional challenges. To many observers, these feelings result more from sociological upset, than of psychological origin. In navigating changes and transitions, one of the most difficult things for people to endure who want change, but lack a clear destination, is finding an alternative to the path they are on. Looking for a new job often entails the challenging task of having to “reinvent” oneself. In this circumstance, it can be hard to let go of a past, when the alternative future is vague. “Reinventing” oneself can mean doing new things, making up new stories to help them better define themselves and making new friends. As others explore new jobs, they begin to disconnect socially and psychologically, often asking such questions as: “Who am I,” “What do I really want to become” and “What do I want to do?” For help in dealing with their feelings of disconnect, some lawyers in transition seek out “mentors” with whom to work, while others look to “support groups” for assistance. What is a mentor? Who are mentors and support groups; how do they function; and how do lawyers in transition find them Mentoring “is the process by which the mentor and mentee work together to identify and help the mentee work toward [attaining his or her] professional goals.” Abbott, The Lawyers Guide to Mentoring, (National Assoc. for Placement, Inc., 2000) at pg 17. Significantly, mentoring involves mentors and mentees at all career stages, and at all ages. Id. The functions mentors provide their mentees can range from providing support, helping, inspiring, caring, validating, empathizing, encouraging, short term and long term career advice, dispensing wisdom and developing a personal connection. Id at 21. These functions translate into the many roles mentors serve on behalf of their mentees. Including, being a protector, guide, teacher, role model, career counselor, sounding board, confidence builder and compassionate friend. Id at 22. It used to be that a mentoring relationship between two lawyers meant a senior lawyer with experience teaching and advising a new attorney. But lawyers in transition also need mentors, especially when they reach transition points in their own careers. “[For example], a lawyer [who has] established competence and professional identity…may be considering a redirection in practice area, employment or profession.” Id. at 29-30. “Mentoring can benefit mid-career and senior lawyers as well as entry-level attorneys…[by helping] lawyers redefine professional identity during career transitions….provide advice about contemplated career or practice changes; and keep experienced lawyers marketable.” Id. at 46. In the words of one commentator, “Lawyer mentoring is valuable at every stage of a lawyer’s career. Lawyers go through many changes, moves and transitions over the decades they are in practice. At each career transition point, they face new challenges and undertake new responsibilities for which they may feel unprepared.” Id. This is where the mentor can help. “Mentors can assist experienced lawyers who contemplate changing legal fields, leaving a current employer, or leaving law practice altogether. Id. at 47-48.

Mentoring recognizes the existence of “group mentoring” and “peer to peer” mentoring. Group mentoring “tends to be an intense experience. It becomes a form of ‘action learning’ where lawyers learn and develop professional skills while working together…” Id at 155. “Peer mentoring is a non-hierarchical form of mentoring in which colleagues mentor and learn from each other…What distinguishes peer mentoring is that…participants are on an equal footing, even when one has more seniority in rank or experience…[peer mentors] may be former school classmates, colleagues in another law firm, or any lawyer with whom the [lawyer in transition] has a good relationship. Id. What’s the difference between mentoring and coaching? Both are significantly different from each other, and provide for different needs. Mentoring influences, usually over a substantial period of time, a mentee’s personal development and goals. A mentor and mentee often forge a personal friendship, while a coach and coachee generally do not. The mentor is often involved over the long term in helping the mentee build his or her self-esteem and self confidence. In contrast, a coach is usually task oriented, and when the task is accomplished, the relationship between the coach and coachee typically ends. A mentor and mentee are generally not task-oriented. In contrast to coaching, mentoring does not seek the realization of specific performance goals. Meetings between a mentor and mentee are generally irregularly held, except when the mentee feels the need of the mentor’s advice, guidance or support. In contrast, the meetings between a coach and coachee are generally made at equal intervals on a date/time certain. Unquestionably, consistent with the preceding information, mentors are preferred over coaches in situations where lawyers in transition experience substantial feelings of psychological and emotional difficulty. This also goes for lawyers in transition, as well as non-transitioning lawyers who do not experience psychological and emotional upset, but who want the comfort, warmth, advice and understanding of a mentor. Where must a lawyer go to find a mentor? In New York City, it’s the Lawyers Association and the New York City Bar. Each has mentorship programs, but both are limited. The New York County Lawyers Association provides that young lawyers who are 2-6 years out and who are members of the Association, may apply to get a mentor. The New York City Bar provides, for members, what it calls “Mentoring Circles.” Supposedly, the circles are designed to serve members at all stages of their careers, including newer lawyers who are establishing a practice. But the circles do not appear to offer the more experienced lawyer a chance to find a mentor if the reason is to help a lawyer in transition, and not to better establish his or her law practice. Thus, the New York City Bar says that the “[circles] offer equally valuable opportunities to more experienced attorneys for whom networking with newer solos and small firm practitioners may open up opportunities for help with piled up legal work and expansion of business through referrals of cases.” What does this mean? Young attorneys may find these large bar associations to have mentoring facilities suitable for their needs. But mid-level and senior attorneys won’t, particularly if the concerns of these lawyers are not related to building a practice. For mid-level and senior lawyers this means finding mentors by their own ingenuity and hard work. The lawyer in transition will have to compile a list of lawyers in New York (including senior

attorneys) and start pounding the streets to find someone who will accept service as a new mentor. Another way of doing things is to become a member of these lawyer associations, and then joining one or more of their committees from which mentoring can be gotten. For example, a lawyer could become a member of the “Committee on Lawyers in Transition” of the New York County Lawyers Assoc. and then obtain the Committee’s membership list, and from there contact individuals for either group or peer to peer mentoring. The transitioning lawyer may also look to a friend or someone else he or she knows for mentoring. If the lawyer in transition does not go to a private mentoring service for a fee, the other above ways of seeking out and retaining a mentor are almost free, except for the cost of joining the bar association, and a small charge, if any, to join a particular committee. There seems to be an implication in the literature that mentoring and coaching are contradictory and located at opposite poles in the universe. This is not true. If anything they are complimentary. In the best of all worlds, a lawyer in transition might engage both concurrently. The lawyer may feel a need for the comfort, understanding and long-term advice of a mentor, while at the same time work with a coach to devise a plan to reach the specific goals they seek.

SUPPORT GROUPS FOR LAWYERS IN TRANSITION

A support group is an assembly of people with common experiences and concerns who provide emotional and moral support for one another. A support group is also defined as a “group of people who have similar experiences and concerns and who meet in order to provide emotional help, advice, and encouragement for one another.” Support Group/ Definition of Support Group by Merriam-Webster. Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and Mothers against Drunk Drivers (MADD) are examples of two nationally-recognized support groups. A support group has also said to be a “meeting of members who provide help and companionship to one another. Support groups are comprised of other persons who have been through the issue at hand. For example, Alcoholics Anonymous is made up of recovering alcoholics. Due to the nature of these groups, people feel more comfortable sharing their experiences and getting their feelings out in the open. With others who have experienced similar situations, people generally feel less isolated when sharing their experiences .” The Mayo Clinic has stated the issue this way, “A support group can help [the lawyer in transition] cope better and feel less isolated as [he or she] make connections with others facing similar challenges. “Support groups: Make connections, get help-Mayo Clinic. We know support groups exist, and we know why. But we don’t always remember the specific benefits they confer. The Mayo Clinic has identified some of these benefits as: “Feeling less lonely, isolated or judged; gaining a sense of empowerment and control; improving coping skills and a sense of adjustment…reducing stress, depression, anxiety or fatigue; developing a clearer understanding of what to expect from your situation; [and] getting practical advice or information about treatment options…” Support groups comprise co-ed groups and unisex groups. The unisex groups are based on the idea that these groups deal with issues specifically oriented to one gender, but not the other. For example, men often feel the sting of not being a family’s main breadwinner, when their job is eliminated via downsizing. These circumstances and the emotions they engender are reasons lawyers are forced to become “lawyers in transition.” Issues relevant to women lawyers are, for example, men’s views that women attorneys are not as serious about their jobs as are men, and thus deserve to hit the “glass ceiling.” Although changing, these perceptions still exist, and may still be the dominant view. Some women’s support groups include “Project Renewment,” with more than 25 career groups for women around the country. “The Transition Network,” with 10 chapters around the nation; “Encore Enthusiasts Group;” “Women’s Forums.” The question now becomes where can support groups be found for “lawyers in transition?” They can be found in the same places lawyers found mentors. If no appropriate support group exists in a local area, this could mean establishing one’s own group. One way to do this is by taking out a membership in a bar association, and then joining a bar association committee that seems appropriate, and over time form relationships with persons suitable to populate a support group. According to Monica R. Parker, JD, in her book “The (Un) Happy Lawyer,” the practices informing her view of support groups include: “The trick is to find a way to surround yourself consistently and systematically with supportive people who can show you what’s right about

you….What’s the advantage of working with a support group? So many things. Lawyers who are unhappy often feel so alone. If you’re sitting in a room with six other lawyers who feel the same way, you finally get validation that the way you’re feeling isn’t so wacky or unusual…”It’s so easy to develop tunnel vision on this trek by yourself. With others in the room, you have several sources of ideas, different perspectives, creative approaches…..” (Sphinx Publishing, an Imprint of Sourcebooks, Inc. 2008) at 28. For those “lawyers in Transition” who seek to establish a support group, consider the following: The members of the support group need not all be in the same place regarding their careers. Set a schedule and number of sessions; That the group have no more than 12 people; That the meeting sessions be no more than 3 hours; Make sure the members understand and agree to the purpose of the group; Create a loose structure for meetings. Id at 29-30.

Biography of Melvin Simensky

Melvin Simensky is a lawyer. He’s also a practicing life coach who coaches young and mature attorneys, and other different professionals transitioning to new positions inside or outside their present industries. A coach helps coachees gain clarity and balance in their lives, and works to help coachees make changes in their lives necessary to obtain the goals they seek. Mel went to Yale and received his BA degree, and then onto New York University School of Law for his JD degree, following which he practiced law for over 30 years. During this time, Mel co-wrote and co-published with colleagues 5 legal texts. He also taught in the Graduate Division of NYU Law School for 17 years. Later, Mel enrolled in and graduated from social work school at Wurzweiler School of Social Work of Yeshiva University from where he received his Masters in Social Work degree (“MSW”). From this time forward, Mel has engaged in the practice of counseling/coaching for more than 10 years.